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"I'm so sorry Nari.." he whispered, looking everywhere except for the camera. Nari, unlike him, stared at him with tears in her eyes - not able to comprehend the words that had come out of his mouth. "But why?" she asked, as Jisung finally looked at her. "It's starting to get more crazy busy and we barely talk now-" well he wasn't wrong about that, "-and I just.. I lost feelings Nari. I don't want to stay in a relationship where I no longer have feelings. I don't want to hurt you" he tells the girl, seeing how she started crying - tears running down her soft cheeks.
Jisung wanted nothing but to wipe them away and comfort her, but he couldn't do that anymore. It wasn't up to him to cheer her up or comfort her when she was sad - he lost those rights two minutes ago when he broke up with her. Everything he had told her wasn't a lie, what he hadn't told her was the reason why he had lost feelings - barely any communication between them the past few months being partly the reason why. But he would remain quiet about the other reason unless she asked.
Nari takes in a shaky breath and only nods. He stared at her confused, not knowing what to say - what else could he say?
"I understand" his eyes widened, for some reason not expecting that answer. "I don't want to interfere with your career Hannie and you being busy with the group is understandable, don't beat yourself over it" she tells him and he sees his vision blurring but wipes his eyes before a tear dares break free - he was in no position to cry. "Just promise me something?" he nods, not able to find any words as his throat felt dry.
"Please always be happy and become even more successful. Write, compose songs and albums that make other people become your fans because you deserve so much love and support - and the other guys deserve it too. I want to wake up one day and see huge achievements from Stray Kids, want to wake up one day and see how you gained more recognition. Can you promise me that?" Nari stares at the screen, looking at the guy she called his boyfriend for the past two years until a few minutes ago.
Nari didn't know about Stray Kids until 2019, a year after their debut. It wasn't until wayyy after they had exchanged phone numbers and talked for two months that she realized she had given her phone number to an idol who was part of a k-pop group called 'Stray Kids' who were currently on tour. She had stumble upon the boy, a day after their concert, at a coffee shop and she felt confident and went up to him to strike a conversation. It wasn't until Han had told her that he was extremely anxious because he had thought she was fan trying something sneaky until he realized that Nari didn't know who he was - that he relaxed and enjoyed the little amount of time talking with her.
Nari felt extremely bad but he made sure to reassure her that he's happy she talked to him, glad that there was no language barrier to struggle with as Han was learning English and Nari was fluent in Korean (currently visiting the United States). She then took her time learning about Stray Kids, while learning about Han from Han himself - the boy adding fun facts that weren't known publicly. They had to keep everything private but Nari understood, she didn't want to hurt their career - as they had only debuted a year ago. They didn't start dating until April 2020, when Nari returned to Korea from a trip.
Keeping their relationship private from the other members was difficult but they had managed, although keeping the relationship private from her friends and family was even harder. She was allowed to post cryptic relationship pictures of when they were secretly able to see each other when Han wasn't busy and he would go over to her apartment (which funny enough, was close to where he stayed with the members). She always made sure to ask Han if it was okay to post and when her friends questioned her the first (and last time), she replied saying "my boyfriend isn't comfortable with other people knowing our relationship yet I'm sorry" and they respected that.
She was thankful they never stumbled upon any difficult situations in their relationship.
Until a few months after Stray Kids started their second world tour. She had gone to their day 2 concert in Seoul and then went to Japan for their two Tokyo concerts. She then followed them to the United States, going to five concerts: Chicago, both days for LA, Oakland and day 1 Seattle. After that was when things started to get complicated and their messages and video calls started to slowly decrease. It was now the middle of October and Stray Kids were in the middle of promotions for their newest album - tour practice starting soon as they were heading back on tour in November. Their communication was starting to become non existent at this rate as both of them were busy, Han with schedules and Nari with her newest job.
And now when they finally had the time to talk, Han was breaking up with her.
Nari didn't look away from him, even after a long time of silence as it was now Han's turn to comprehend what Nari had said. He finally nodded, "I can promise you that" he promised and she smiled, "I'm content with just that then" they plunged back into silence when Nari's alarm started ringing - a remainder that she had to start getting ready for work soon. "I have to go" She swallowed the sob daring to escape, "thank you for.. for everything the past two years we dated and the one year we were friends. Han you really made me the happiest ever and you'll always have a place in my heart" she smiles and turns off the alarm so it doesn't ring again. "See you around.. bye"
Han said his final goodbye and the screen on his laptop went dark and then it displayed Nari's contact name and photo. He took in a shaky breath and closed his laptop. This was for the best, he had to. He had deleted everything about her before already, he just needed to break up with her - and he did. Now he can go through with his plans.
A knock on the door gain this attention, "come in" he spoke and the door opened.
meanwhile...
Nari stared at her laptop screen, finally allowing her sobs to break free. She thanked heavens that she lived alone, opting for living alone so that Han had more liberty of coming over. Now she felt the loneliness smack her right in the face and was considering moving out as she still lived close to where Han did and didn't want the boy to cross her. But her lease still had two months left, she couldn't leave now. She just had to make sure to not cross paths with him - she basically knew his outings/schedule of whenever the group was here. She knew the boy would always be out at night either coming back or going to the studio, going to the convenience store around the corner or simply taking a walk. She started working nights shifts mainly with some day shifts scattered around so she knew she wouldn't cross him - rarely, if she ever did.
She signed and stood up from her chair, closing the laptop shut and walked to her bathroom - getting ready for her shift at work and pretend that everything in her life was going great.
- 5 1/2 months later -
"Thank you so much" Nari smiled and she bowed to her boss. "Of course, you deserve this break after working so much with no nights or days off. Don't worry about us, I'll figure everything out" after a few more minutes, Nari walks out of her boss' office, happy that her job environment was so positive and supportive that she had managed to get two weeks off work for travel approved. She finished work that day and took the bus back to her apartment, that she shared with her best friend. Before even opening the door, she heard music playing and guessed that her best friend was cooking them dinner. She walked in and saw that her guess was correct, smelling the delicious smell of whatever her friend was cooking.
Nari walked up to the speaker and lowered the volume of the music and her friend, Hana, finally turned to see her. "Sorry I didn't hear you come in"
"It's okay, barely walked in like 30 seconds ago" Nari drops her bag on the couch and walks to the kitchen, sitting down on the stool of the kitchen island and smiled. "I got the two weeks approved so we don't have to sell the tickets and we can start planning for next week" she said all in one breath and Hana gasped, running to hug the older, "you're not playing with me?" Nari shakes her head no, not able to stop the stupid huge grin forming on her face. "I can't believe we'll be seeing Stray kids live twice and both days vip!! Oh my god oh my god" Hana jumped around in excitement as Nari could only look at her with a fond smile, trying to shove her worries away.
Hana had come to Nari the day the LA encore concert was announced, asking if she'll want to tag along with her and she was hesitant and wanted to say no. After a shit ton of hesitating, she said yes and Hana had been the one to buy the tickets for the two of them - and then they added a second date and Nari bought tickets for the second day.
She still kept up with the group, she still loved their music - she opted for only streaming their music while watching maybe one live performance. She didn't watch any of their content, only catching a few clips on Instagram or Twitter. It physically pained her to do so, because she'll see Han and then she'll start forming thoughts and theories that she was afraid were true. Unless Hana asked to watch something Stray Kids together - she never went on YouTube looking for it. She didn't attend any of their events taking place in Seoul or any events organized by STAYs. And she was happy with that, that didn't make her any less of a fan. She was still struggling on the moving on part of the post break-up but Nari swore to herself that she was slowly doing so.
She just hoped that going to their concerts didn't affect her as bad as she thinks it might.
- one week later -
It was day 1 of their encore concert. Currently standing in front of the mirror, checking her outfit to make sure it looked good for the last time - Nari started to feel anxious. In two hours, she would be seeing Han. Maybe she wouldn't feel so anxious if she wouldn't have to see him until the actual concert surrounded by other fans, making it harder to spot her. But they had gotten VIP and that included soundcheck with a limited amount of fans. She couldn't hide, she just hoped that he didn't recognize her.
~~~
"Oh my god, they looked so good!" Hana gushed as they walked to the little bar opened for any 21+ VIP holders.
Soundcheck had ended a few minutes ago and they were free to roam around the stadium until it was time for the concert, thankful that they didn't have to go back outside and wait in tremendously long lines. Nari's anxiousness had worn off halfway through soundcheck and had gotten interactions with Chan and Hyunjin. It wasn't until afterwards that she felt the anxiety but not as bothersome as before, thankfully. Han had stayed on the other side of the stage and had only wandered to where she was once and that was it.
Hana had only gotten water as Nari got an alcoholic drink - needing it at this rate.
After getting their drinks and before doors opened, they walked to the merchandise stand and bought as much as their wallets allowed them, happy to get their hands on a light stick each. Soon enough, they found themselves seated and waiting for the concert to start in a few minutes. Nari took in deep breaths, hoping that she could enjoy the concert to the fullest without anxiety. Even if Han did see her and did recognize her, they couldn't do anything but look at each other. She grabbed her phone and opened the camera app, ready to take a videos and photos - she has to brag about traveling for the concerts.
The concert passed much quicker than she expected, having ending up enjoying every single second of the concert - both her and Hana getting interactions with every single member, including Han. Nari looked at Han for most of the time, seeing how much he had improved and how he looked better than he did a few months ago when they were still dating. She also couldn't help but notice his interactions with Lee Know, her heart aching. She knew all about 'MinSung' - of course she did, she was dating Han. But she knew it was all fan service and didn't worry when she saw a clip of them being touchy or close as Han would text her at the end of the day. It wasn't until after they broke up that she started to notice just how close they really were - and that's when she stopped watching the group's content.
Once the boys had walked out of stage and fans started walking out, Nari slumped back down on her seat looking up at the dark night. Overall, the concert had gone great and she had fun. Time to do it all over again in two days.
- 2 days later -
"When you said that you had gotten us good seats, I didn't know they were this good" Hana gasped as they reached their seats, sitting barricade on the side of the extended stage. They sat down for a few minutes before soundcheck started and when it finally started, she felt the anxiety leave her body. She felt much more relaxed than two days ago and she caught the attention of the group, getting her and Hana interactions from all the guys - even from Han, as he had wandered over to see why the guys kept going to that specific part of the stage.
When Han finally saw the reason why, his breath hitched - recognizing the STAY. He remained calm as he watched her and when his part of a song came, he did it with no trouble. Soon enough, soundcheck came to an end and they said goodbye to their fans for now until their final concert started. Instead of following the guys to the green room before they were called one by one for hair, makeup and dressing, he turned towards the direction of the restrooms. Walking in, immediately he splashed some water on his face and placed his hands on the sink looking at his shoes. He had a feeling that he had seen her during the first concert but he wasn't sure - but now he was. Han had interacted with her during the concert, unaware that was his ex.
He was surprised that she was even here, at one of their concerts. He was sure that she wouldn't want anything to do with them, with him, after their breakup. Obviously he had guessed wrong as he had seen her a few minutes ago and she had a mini han quokka with her along with a han quokka sticker decorating her cheek. She looked really cute and it reminded him of when Nari attended their past concerts with merch that he would personally give her - and he was sure that the han quokka was the one he gave her. And his heart hurt from all the memories he had of her and how big of an asshole he was to her for the two months before he had the guts to break up with her.
Someone walking in the restroom startles him and he jumps, letting out a squeak. He turns and see that it was only Lee Know who had walked in. Han gulped as his boyfriend went up to him, looking slightly worried, "jagi.. what's wrong?" he asked and Han didn't respond as he closed the distance between them and hugged him. The older startled but hugged the younger back, feeling the tension in his boyfriend's body. He remained quiet as he rubbed Han's back to relieve some of the tension, his mind working overtime to figure out what could've made Han like this. And his mind goes back to during their soundcheck when Han had frozen for a few seconds.
It had only happened when all of them were watching a STAY dance to one of the songs they were practicing. Lee Know couldn't help but question why that STAY had such a reaction on his boyfriend.. and then it all clicked.
~~~
"Oh my god" Nari screeched and hid behind a wall when she saw two men she recognized very clearly. She tried to steady her breath and hoped that he hadn't seen her - she didn't even know they had booked a room in the same hotel as them and even worse.. on the same fucking floor!! Seriously, what fucking coincidence was that?! All her hopes of not being seen were thrown to the trash when she felt a tap on her shoulder and she jumped - turning to see the man she didn't want to see again after tonight's concert. She remained quiet as she saw Han's face morph into a look she didn't recognize and she noticed Lee Know standing behind him.
She was about to excuse herself when Lee Know spoke up, "are you Nari?" he asked in Korean and her eyes widened at the question because how the hell did he know her name? She noticed how even Han looked caught off guard with the question and the look on the older's man face urged her to answer him. "Yes, I am" she responded back in Korean, assuming the man didn't want to speak in limited English.
"So you're Hannie's ex" this time, Nari swore that her heart stopped beating and all the air left her lungs. Now she knew why he had opted to talking in Korean.
"H-hyung" Han stuttered, looking at his boyfriend with a look that said 'how did you known that? And please don't speak about it' but Lee Know ignored his boyfriend as he looked at the girl standing in front of them. She was pretty, he won't lie, but he didn't understand how they had dated - she didn't look like someone Han would date. He knew Han was bisexual, but it still surprised him when he saw the pictures a bit before Han asked him to date him. Lee Know wasn't the type of boyfriend that would go through their significant others' messages, etc., but when his boyfriend left his laptop opened - he got curious.
And that's when he found months old messages between him and a girl named 'Nari'.
"You're pretty, I'll admit that. But I don't see why Han dated you" the older harshly comments, making Nari gulp with anxiety and tears making her eyes burn - not used to harsh comments. "Did you know who he was?" he asks. The girl remains quiet until she finally answers him, "not at first but after a few months he told me" she tells him truthfully, thinking Lee Know is assuming she only dated him for his fame. "How did you know?" Nari asks.
"My boyfriend isn't very good at deleting junk messages" he states, and Nari looks at Han - her heart breaking in pieces. The youngest had remained quiet throughout the whole conversation, not knowing what to say or where to look. Until he heard the word 'boyfriend' leave Lee Know's mouth. He looked at the older in shock and then at Nari - seeing how she was breaking even if she looked composed on the outside. His own heart broke, only because this was her only insecurity while they were dating. She didn't have to tell him, because of course he knew. Him and Lee Know have always been close, even during their survival show and it had gotten to the point to where fans would ship them and create funny theories, fan art and even fan fictions that he would scroll through every other random night.
His feelings for Nari were genuine but he felt conflicted after a while and realized that he had been stupid. Why did he allow himself to fall for Nari when his true feelings were actually for his bandmate? Slowly, he detached himself from the girl because at some point - he had cheated. It was no longer fair of him to stay with the girl that truly liked him for him and not because of his fame.
"Ahh.. I knew it" Nari chuckled, "I guess your fans were right all along huh?" she looked at them but instead of feeling angry or extremely depressed - she felt relieved. She, herself, didn't understand why she felt that certain way but she was thankful it was only that. "You're not mad?" Han finally speaks, surprising both Lee Know and Nari. The girl shook her head no, "are you happy with him?" she asks and Han hesitates but nods.
"Then why would I be mad, Hannie? I told you to be happy as well, remember? Plus.. there was a lot of evidence that you two might be a thing, its just all a thing of you guys confirming. Don't worry, I won't say anything to anyone" she tells them, seeing how Lee Know no longer looked tense at the fact that he had basically exposed their relationship that only their members knew. "But-" Nari interrupts the younger.
"But nothing Jisung. I flew from Seoul to LA with my friend to come to your concerts. Even with my worries, I had a blast at both of them and I'm going to leave in a few days with new good memories. I don't regret coming and I'm actually glad I did because I feel lighter now. I thought I was only going to see on stage, I didn't know I was going to end up in the same hotel floor as you and your boyfriend. I definitely did not expect to run into you at 2:45am" Nari tells them and then looks at the bag fulled with snacks from the vending machine, "shit I forgot why I was out at this hour. I have to go"
"It was nice to see you again" Han comments and Nari nods, "it was nice to see you again too Han" she looks at both of them and then bows, saying goodbye as she walks back to the room where Hana was probably already half drunk as she waits on the snacks. She doesn't dare look back as she's afraid that her composed act will fall and she will break down. Her heart aches greatly but that's good.
Nari's just glad that this trip eventually did help her move on and maybe now.. she can comfortably enjoy Stray Kids content with Hana.
- 5 months later -
Nari looked at the stage, watching how Lee Know paused their 'Circus' performance and dragged Chan away from the group. He walked up to the rest and suddenly raised his arm yelling, "who loves me most!" and saw how Han immediately raised his hand without hesitation. She couldn't help but smile as she watches how Lee Know goes up to him and holds his waist for a few seconds before telling him to stay in his place.
Nari laughed, a huge smile on her face because for once - her heart didn't ache at the thought of them.