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You always knew Azul could be like this. But you hadn't thought of how harsh it would be.
Every time you were together behind closed doors, Azul was affectionate with you. He held you close, was happy... He smiled more, too.
But as soon as you were out in public, all of that was gone. He didn't even glance in your direction. He acted professional, and that meant you didn't get any special treatment.
Honestly, Jade and Floyd had received more attention than you. And you weren't all too happy about that.
To be fair, you knew he had trust issues from his past... That he was still insecure. All of that wouldn't change just because he got in a relationship.
But you wished he could stop with the extremes, for they were driving you crazy.
Azul, on the other hand... He was scared.
No other way to put it.
He was scared that you would leave him.
He was scared that he would become the laughingstock of the school.
He was scared that others would use you to get the better of him.
So he had to keep your relationship a secret. Even if that meant lying to others... Himself... And even to you.
Azul hated himself for it, though. How he wished he could just openly show affection to you! You meant the world to him, though he never explicitly showed it in front of others.
The only times that he felt he could truly show how he felt towards you were when you were alone together. There he was certain that nothing could harm either of you.
But still... He noticed how cold you were getting. How you sometimes didn't respond to his words. How you didn't look as happy as you used to.
So one day, he decided to talk to you about it.
You weren't all too happy when Azul asked you why you were acting like this.
Wasn't it obvious?
He was giving off so many mixed signals that it was driving you crazy.
Did he really think that wasn't the case?
When you told him this, Azul just about froze.
Was this what you really thought?
That he didn't like you?
It was absurd - why would you ever think that? You were the light of his life, the person that he cared about more than anything.
Still, a nagging feeling of guilt grew in his chest as he thought over your words.
"...I'm sorry," he managed at last. "I just... Was scared. I know it's no answer - that it's a bad one. And I apologize for that."
He took in a shaky breath. "And I do care about you. I really do. I just didn't want you to leave me... And I didn't want other people to use you to their advantage." His gaze fell to his feet. "I do know that I haven't been the best partner, and again, I apologize for that. I just..." He trailed off.
"I just wanted the best for you, and I didn't want you to think less of me." He awkwardly cleared his throat. "And I... I wasn't sure how to go about all of this relationship."
You weren't even sure what to think. On one hand, you could understand his thought process - even if it was flawed. On the other hand...
"I understand if you don't want to continue our relationship. It's entirely my fault." Azul shook his head slightly. "I..." He paused. "Never mind. It is my fault."
He had just been afraid that someone might use you to their advantage - threaten you, make you think badly of him... Perhaps even use you as collateral. He knew better than anyone that he had many people who disliked him and would use underhand tactics against him. Jade and Floyd were one thing - they could take care of themselves, after all - but you? You were different.
You were precious to him, and he couldn't bare to see you hurt because of him.
"You deserve someone better than me. Someone who is able to love you better." Azul sighed softly, finally meeting your gaze. "Someone who can give you all the attention and love that you deserve."
And with those words, he turned away, quickly leaving the room. He didn't want you to see how heartbroken he was to say that, how he wanted to take it all back - to beg you to stay. But he knew he couldn't. This situation had transpired all because he had been horrible at communication, and he knew it. So he just had to wait for your response - if it would ever come.