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Slivers of sunlight penetrated through the supposed black-out curtains onto Kanade’s colorless face. Her once cerulean eyes now the same color as the night sea drifted from the ceiling towards her cell phone that had been buzzing nonstop for the last week.
One week. 7 days. That’s how long ago void had taken its life. Kanade was held out on being informed for the first few days. Nobody knew the correct way to go about telling her Mafuyu had died. The remaining two circle members knew there was a somewhat unhealthy dependency Kanade had with Void. Something called a ‘Favorite person.’ Or a Fp for short. While this person can either make or break how a person sees themselves from moment to moment they can also provide validation, make them feel wanted, reassured, and provide them a sense of feeling worthy. Which was something Kanade didn’t have unless she was around Mafuyu.
With each of those days passing, Kanade had grown uncomfortably suspicious and increasingly worried. Mafuyu hadn’t returned a singular message or call. Once the news broke, it was like the whole universe had shattered into a million pieces. Her world burning like a forest fire, and all she could do was stand back and watch it turn to ash.
No one knew or could explain really what drove Mafuyu to ending its own life. No one noticed, no one saw the signs.
Each of the remaining days of that week grew darker and darker. Her brain was overwhelmed with everything yet filled with nothing. It was almost equivalent to being brain-dead. Kanade could not and would not not eat or sleep a wink. She had created an imprint with the shape of her body onto her carpet a where she laid, decaying in her sorrow.
However, on this specific day, the emotional turbulence became too much for Kanade to bear. She still had not fully accepted that Mafuyu was gone. She missed the funeral that had been held. Ena and Mizuki had tried their best to get Kanade to go but it was no use. Mentally kanade was not present. It was only her shell of a body that remained sinking deeper into the floor.
Her phone continued to buzz with concerned calls and messages from mostly Ena and Mizuki. A bunch of “Are you okay”s and “Are you safe?” Neither of which she could answer.
Like a fish out of water, Kanade’s limbs twitched frantically as she slowly but surely lifted herself from the ground. Standing up, she had to hold on tight to the desk in front of her otherwise her legs would have given out from underneath. She was undoubtedly weak, severely malnourished in a way no one had ever seen her before. Her eyes were dark and sunken in. There was no fat on her body to keep her warm or to hide the outline of her bones, especially on her arms and legs. Her oversized jacket now swallowed her whole and her hair long and unkept.
Pulling the phone towards herself, an incoming message from Ena lit up on the screen. It read,
“Please let us know you’re alright. It’s not your fault, Kanade.”
Something about that last sentence flipped a dark switch inside of her head. It was the same one that she only recently figured out how to turn off. It reactivated every single negative, trauma-inducing thought she had managed to get away from. Like a factory that had just been re-started. The gears were turning. Thought after thought spewing into her head.
Kanade’s hands were full of her hair as she repeatedly cried out the word “no, please” Begging for what had started to stop. As she toppled back down onto the floor, she curled up into a ball of tears. Praying to anyone that was listening to make it stop.
“It’s your fault. It’s your fault. Your fault. Your fault.” The voice chanted. “Die, die, die.” Another echoed.
The voices drilled every possible harmful thought into her head until she had enough. She couldn't do this again. She could not be ‘Alone’ again. Dragging herself to her bathroom, Kanade open the medicine cabinet and frantically took out whatever medication she could find. Most of it was common cold medication, a few were her father's and only a couple of her own. Dumping a handful of the medications that she deemed were most harmful into her palm, Kanade threw them into her mouth and swallowed.
Within seconds her vision became blurred and a loud ringing sound fell in place of the screeching voices. Her body hitting the ground with a thud as cool bathroom tile pressed against her skin. Her breath was rigged and shallow. One last blink and then, nothing…
.
.
.
“Kanade..”
.
.
“Kanade!…”
A familiar voice echoed in the distance.
.
.
.
“Kanade!!”
Upon opening her eyes, Kanade was greeted by a woman with light sea green eyes and the same silver hair as her own. Kanade had been lying in her lap as the woman stroked her hair gently. She recognized her as her mother, but was unsure if it was really was her as Kanade hadn’t seen her since primary school.
…
“Mom?…”
Kanade responded with a tone of uncertainty. Her mother nodded in response. “My how’ve you grow..” she said, trying to hold back tears as she looked down at Kanade.
“Kanade, will you make me a promise?…” Her Mother asked as she stopped stroking her hair to hold out her pinky.
“A promise?” Kanade repeated. Cautiously holding up her own.
“Yes…then Mama will give you a present!” She smiled a warm, kind smile. “Promise me kanade, this time, you’ll live a happy life.”
“A happy life?…” Kanade questioned.
“Yes, now promise me..”
“I promise..”
intertwining fingers, sealing their Promise, kanade had then been washed away by the darkness of her death.
…or so she thought.
A soft knock on the door sent Kanade’s eyes fluttering open once again.
[I feel…so warm….]
Another knock.
[is this another dream?…] kanade questioned.
“Kanade, dinner is ready.”
[Wait…that voice…]
Sitting up. Kanade looked around, she was somehow magically back in her room. except her room looked like how she had decorated it in middle school. It was much brighter and relatively cleaner. Kanade looked toward the doorway, where her father stood looking at her with a smile.
Sliding out of her chair, Kanade wasted no time rushing to embrace him tightly.
“Woah- what’s gotten into you today?” He chuckled as he returned the hug.
“I thought I asked you to change, You’re still in your uniform!” He said.
Drawing back, Kanade looked down at what she had been wearing. She was in her middle school uniform. Turning towards the full-length mirror on the wall, kanade was in shock to find she looked like her middle school self.
[What the-!?!?]
She exclaimed to herself as she touched her face. Kanade thought this was the other part of death when all your memories come flooding back before you truly die.
But it seems like she was no longer dying anytime soon…