Work Text:
Jack stood atop the roof of the tall Cherryton dormitory. The wind ruffled his exposed fur, and flapped his ears around. The dog lost the ability to see color- no not literally- but- some big piece of him abandoned the rest, taking life's vibrant hue with it, and leaving his visible world a sickly grey monochrome.
His neck grew sore from shouldering burdens of existing as a 'carnivore' in an herbivore dominant society.
His head was heavy with the weighty knowledge he'd been fed for years, like the atrocities of the world were somehow his problem.
His knees buckled under pressure he couldn't relieve, no crying, no lashing out, be a good dog, they say.
And finally, his heart was going to implode under the crushing heft of grief, his ribcage would come caving in along with it.
His one singular lifeline left him almost 5 months ago, the thin tether to his sanity, and his reason to keep going, was gone. They rarely see each other anymore, he thought, frustratedly, he wouldn't even notice if he were to disappear.
Jack traced the paths of birds in the sky, the air traffic. Some were on their way to work, or to school, or the store maybe, anywhere really.
Jack made up his mind that he wanted to fly, too.
He leaned over the edge a little, looking at the ant sized animals at the base of the building and out in the courtyard, who were oblivious to the dog, minding their business.
Every instinct in his body was trying to pull him away from the ledge, but, he was deaf to them.
That's what being a dog was, hunger for approval, irrationally rational irrational rationale, and muted instinct. It's what he was made for.
In Jack's mind, the rational thing, was to kill himself. By his logic, he saw only benefits to the decision, an objective way of thinking, clouded by a thick fog from boiled underlying depression and repressed rage.
He climbed atop the ledge and stood there, savoring the untouched air. It felt cool in his lungs, though, it was too bad that it would be his last.
The door to the roof behind him burst open, followed by intense wheezing and panting.
"Jack! J-," the speaker had to suck in another desperate breath, "Jack! What are you doing?!"
Jack recognized the voice immediately, why wouldn't he?
"What does it look like, you dumb wolf? I'm going to jump. It's the right choice."
Legosi's expression held a hundred different meanings, unfortunately, the only animal who could read and interpret them was adamantly facing away from him.
"Jack- what are you talking about? There's nothing 'right' about it!" He took two quiet steps- they weren't quite quiet enough.
"Stay the fuck away from me!" He stamped his foot and clenched his fists tight, "I'm going to jump and you won't stop me!"
It was true, right now, he was going to, but.. he hesitated, he wants to stay a little while longer, with Legosi.
"Jack, buddy, just- just help me understand, what makes you want to do this?"
"Like you would care!"
He forced out the words with such strain that they tore at his vocal cords, but once they reached his tongue they lost their steam, sounding dull and pitiful,
"you left me behind, you didn't even think twice how I'd feel! You grew up without me, we were- we were supposed to stick together, forever."
The phrase- and idea- was held in such high regard to the dog, growing up, and staying together, it was some sort of comfort, to know that he wasn't alone, a comfort to know that- at least someone would be proud of him, and that someone he could look up to.
Legosi bit his tongue, preventing himself from blurting out any attempts to clear his name, "Is that all, Jack? Come on buddy, you can talk to me."
Jack wanted to remain reserved, keep his secrets, after all, Legosi wasn't owed anything.
But his yappy mouth went ahead anyway, "it's.. it's all too much! Everything is trickling out of me, man! I can't be accepted by carnivores, nor herbivores, I have to take on burdens other animals can't just because of the way I was born, and then you fucking disappeared! I couldn't fucking take it Legosi! I can't! I'm tired of having nothing to give and yet I'm still being fucking taken from!"
Jack crossed his arms and clutched himself, clawing into his thin skin through the uniform's sleeve, the cuprous scent of blood wafted into the crisp air, sullying it, making it soggy and nauseating when Legosi breathed in.
"Jack, please, you don't have to be so cryptic, it's just you and me here! You-," he choked down his own forming tears, "you don't have to get down from the ledge, just maybe," he swallowed the incoming vomit down, shuddering, "maybe a couple steps? Step back a little and talk to me, Jack, please."
The dog looked down at the long drop, it wobbled and blurred as his mind played tricks on him, he carefully got down and sat on his rear, scooting a little closer until his thighs were beginning to hang off the edge.
"You've seen it first hand, Legosi, no one likes an artificial dog like me."
His eyes began to gloss over with each modicum of buried trauma he dredged from deep ravines in his brain, dogs can't cry, he figured he was finally breaking down, like any other machine would.
"Dogs are too smart, excessively, they'll take over the world one day, a dog dictatorship! We know things that would shake any other being to their very core, and slice away at the heartstrings." His voice quivered with old horror, years of watching, listening, analyzing, being a good little robot and soaking up whatever he's given.
"I'm suffering.. I'm suffering and- and I can't stop it! No one else is, the other dogs, so why am I?! They just- they're unfazed! I must be- be broken! Imperfect! I was made to be perfect, if I can't be natural, I can be perfect at least- r-right?!"
Jack spiraled into his insecure delusion, a fight between his desire for normality and his upbringing of perfection, his white-knuckled, quivering hands clutching his bloody arms to bring himself back to the present.
"Jack-" his voice was drowned out by the other's
"And then- then you left, and without you by me- I just- collapsed! You were m-my atlant! J-just you being there was enough to keep me stable, no matter how much pain. I. felt."
He banged on his chest with every single syllable, the sticky red substance stained his blue vest, making a stale purple stain across the pinstripes.
"It was- like you died! I grieved like you had! You never called- or- or visited or anything! What's worse is I loved you! I still do! For someone who's supposed to be smart, I'm stupidly foolish, to be some disgusting, blemished little dog, falling in love with a perfect, straight male wolf!"
He was speaking to the air, he never once looked back, he shouted into the sky about Legosi, to Legosi, without ever facing him.
He hastily stood up, hyperventilating, ready to jump-
"I didn't know, Jack! I didn't know you were going through all that!"
"It's too fucking late to justify yourself! You should have been there then!"
"I know I should have," he took a step, a shallow one, Jack didn't notice, "and I'm a huge, colossal idiot for not thinking of you before I made a leap like that," he did it again, slightly more confident, Jack still didn't flinch, "but I'm here now, and right now I want to fix it. I can never make up for what I've done but-," another step, "I'm ready to move forward, with you, rather than away and on my own. We grew up together right? We'll keep growing together until we die from grey hairs, and there's no one else I'd rather walk life with, than you."
Legosi took a few more quick steps, before Jack could do anything, and he threw his arms around him, and squeezed.
"Please, Jack, don't leave me"
The dog squirmed in his grip, which did little against Legosi's hybrid strength.
He weakly protested with his raspy, croaking voice, "do you know how hypocritical that is..?" He tried to wriggle out of the wolf's arms again, feeling claustrophobic, readier to jump by the moment, just to get away, "you're the one who left me, and now you come back when I'm ready to move on?"
"This isn't moving on, this is irreparable damage you'd be doing to yourself and those around you. There are people who you've helped in the past, will help in the future, and do help today, in the present. It.. it's not even totally about 'helping'...
We just.. want you, you are family to some, friends to others, and I'm sure that if anyone could help it, anyone who's taken the time to know you, wants you in their life. Just because you're Jack, the smart, empathetic, loving Labrador, who's just as much of an animal as anyone else. You don't have to be happy all the time, just be you."
Jack rolled his eyes, since when did Legosi get this sappy, must have been all the tragedies. Still, he smiled just a little bit, Legosi was- here- and he was trying for Jack, being there for him, just as he was all those times before.
"You helped me, every day, from the first day of our fight, remember?" He pulled the fussing Labrador off of the ledge, and onto his lap as he fell back onto his butt, Jack kicked his legs in protest, and one of his shoes flew off the side, he still struggled in the hold, but less so.
Eventually, he crossed his legs and leaned against Legosi, huffing, tears forming in his eyes over the severity of what he was trying to do.
"Jack, when we were pups, I was content being alone, I figured- no one would want to hang around the wolf who plays in the mud and with the bugs, the wolf who looks funny- though they didn't really know why I looked a little strange, I suppose it doesn't really matter in the context of things-"
Jack zoned out through the rambling, setting his attention, briefly, on blinking away the uncomfortable tears.
"Then you came, Jack, you came and looked at me with those big, blue, innocent eyes of yours. I thought you came to insult me, you know, and I was scared of ridicule, after all, I was only a weird kid with no defenses yet, so I ran."
His voice turned softer, laced under a coat of sugary fondness. He spoke up to the very sky, as if she too were an audience.
"After you fell, I.. I felt bad, I blamed myself, even for a silly little fall like that, you, tripping on a rock. So I went back, and.. you weren't smiling."
Legosi frowned, "back then, I thought it was odd, that you weren't smiling, because I thought dogs had it way better than others, no instincts, wicked smart, all that jazz, but.. I've grown since then, and as I got closer to you, I understood.."
His snout now pointed down, at Jack's floppy ear, "Jack, you don't need to be perfect, you don't need to be an 'obedient little dog', you don't need to look happy 24/7 just to hope that people don't think you're 'faulty', you just have to live life, and live it the way you would like it best."
Legosi was never the eloquent speaker, but he tried, alright. He attempted to hammer home some philosophy and emotional validation- even if he occasionally missed the nail- he was trying nonetheless.
Jack was silent for a long moment, the wolf gently ran his hands up and down Jack's front, it felt awkward, over the shirt, but he continued regardless.
"Remember what that teacher said? When we got into that fight?"
Jack simply forced out a quiet hum from his sore throat.
"If she would have seen our little argument just now, if she would have said the same thing.. you know what I'd say..?"
The dog didn't respond.
"I'd give her an honest answer... 'I will, forever', you see?"
Legosi rested his head on top of Jack's, whispering little phrases of validation for the dog's feelings, who began to tremble.
"Y-y-you s-stupid wolf.. y-you just love w-watching me suffer"
They sat there, and neither said a word for a little while, but eventually, their bodies spoke for them, Jack's tail wriggled between Legosi's thighs, while the wolf's wagged freely behind him.
"Hey.. hey Jack.. could you turn around?"
Jack sighed and did so, getting up from between Legosi's legs on his hands and knees, and tentatively, he turned. His head hung low for a moment, before he finally met Legosi's eyes.
"There he is.. there's my Jack.."
He carefully set his huge hand on Jack's cheek, thumbing it carefully, a minor gesture, but effective.
Jack's ocean eyes flooded onto the beaches of his cheeks, and he smiled, he smiled for the first time in what felt like years. He leaned into Legosi's big, gruff hand, and cried. The burdens that anchored his heels to the ground had lightened, though they didn't vanish altogether.
The jumbled mess of wires that communicate between one another in Jack's brain would take years to heal, to untangle, and further, years to maintain. One singular moment wouldn't be enough to completely fix what t
ook days, months, or years to develop, however, it marks a beginning to the healing process. And now, Legosi would be with him through every step of it.