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Do you have a special place of your own? Somewhere you feel safe even in life's greatest storms? Do you go there whenever the house of cards you've built around you starts to crumble? If those you were willing to entrust your life to let you down, if your plans turn against you, if the world throws one obstacle after another at your feet - it's worth having a place where the turmoil can't intrude. Do you remember it?
It doesn't have to be a house with walls - it doesn't even have to be a building. Do you have your special spot on the sidewalk? Believe me - that's enough. Take care of it, so that no unsuitable person can invade it. Let only the chosen ones know about it. Don't let random people into your refuge. Your family doesn't need to know about it. Your friends don't need to know about it. Find one person who will become a part of this place. Just one.
They are right next to you, even though you may not notice it. They hide in the crowd behind your back. If you haven't seen them yet, you have nothing to fear. In reality, they will find you themselves. One day, they will save your whole world.
They saved me too.
Allow me to tell you our story. The story of a special person and the place they showed me. I'll tell you about happiness in the abyss and light in the darkness. I'll tell you about my private winter in the middle of summer.
~*~
It was the hottest week of the year; the heat poured from the sky, and plants withered before our eyes. You couldn't go out in the sun without getting burned – it was a nightmare. People stayed locked in their overheated homes. Those who were fortunate enough savored the charm of a functioning air conditioner.
We slept through the days and only came to life at night, moving around like shadows. Cold water turned warm in a matter of minutes, and ice melted before our eyes.
It was the best and worst week of my life.
Samuel came to me every evening. He took me for walks, picnics under the stars... We both enjoyed the coolness of the night together. Our parents had given up making excuses for us and gave us free rein, pleased that both of us had managed to finish school. Just barely.
Can you imagine how happy I was at that time? Finally, after years of torment, after constant problems, I was free from studying. I had a free year ahead of me – a chance to relax. Zero stress, zero responsibilities. And a wonderful, handsome boyfriend by my side.
What could go wrong?
On that day, as usual, he came to me right after dusk. He threw pebbles at my window until I opened it. It was our signal from our high school days. Back then, he couldn't enter through the door. I missed that a little.
I liked the thrill of having to hide when we were together. You never knew if we would get ourselves into trouble – I mean bigger trouble than we already had. Everything seemed more exciting back then. Just a bit of fun. After all, we weren't doing anything wrong, right? We weren't hurting anyone.
I should have listened to the older folks from the beginning. Instead, I let myself be swept away by his promises.
I let him into my room as in the old times. His teeth gleamed in a smile as he climbed over the windowsill.
He was shirtless. Sweat dripped from his skin, and his muscles flexed with every move. I must have accidentally stared again.
"You look incredible today," he laughed. "Actually, you look even better."
I remember blushing then. I can still feel the warmth of the blood on my cheeks. The longer he stayed in the room with me, the hotter the temperature seemed to rise. His flawless appearance stunned me, and I was drawn to his unrefined flirting, like a moth to a flame. And just like a moth, I was going to get painfully burned.
Samuel wasn't the golden boy he appeared to be in my eyes.
"Have you missed me?" he asked, wrapping his arm around my waist.
His touch on my bare skin paralyzed me. I'm ashamed now of how easily I succumbed to him. From the very beginning, I couldn't say no to him, and he skillfully took advantage of that. This time, he probably thought I wouldn't resist again. Maybe he even believed I would thank him.
When he kissed me, I didn't push him away. We were a couple; we had kissed before. What could go wrong?
The air quivered around us; we breathed in the searing heat, and the sultriness burned our lungs. Even our eyes couldn't be trusted. The darkness somewhat soothed our melted senses.
My own thoughts reached me through a haze. I only felt his incredible lips close to mine, tasted his unique flavor. Samuel was intoxicating, like the best drug, tasting like the finest mix of spirits in the world. Believe it or not, during our time together, I tried both.
He was so close; I could smell him - the sun-baked streets, the dried grass, and fresh lemon juice. You have no idea how perfectly this composition suited him.
"You're so beautiful," he kept repeating, "incredible. I couldn't leave you. I couldn't live without you."
Only he could manipulate me with compliments. I followed him like a puppet whenever he used that weapon. "You're so brave; you'd never pass up such an opportunity," "You would do anything, wouldn't you? Only you understand me so well." How foolish I was to buy into every word!
"You do so much for me, my dear! I would never doubt your love if it weren't for this last barrier. Why are you hiding from me?"
Now you see where this is heading, right? His hands became more and more insistent. His touch burned, leaving painful marks on my back, and yet I couldn't gather the strength to push him away.
"You always say I'm the most important to you, but I never know what you mean. Why won't you show me that you love me too? Don't you want me? Don't run away, darling."
The cabinet creaked when he pushed me against it. There are still scratches on the floor where it shifted. Do you want to see them? Maybe it's better not to. I certainly don't want to go back to that room.
He reached for the clasp of the outfit I was wearing, but in the darkness, he couldn't figure it out. He tore the fabric, pressing me against him even harder. He grabbed my wrists and raised them. He immobilized me, listening with delight to my quickening breath.
An engine roared outside. In the silence of the night, it was so unexpected that it distracted him. He turned to the window just as the lights of a distant car illuminated the room. I saw his eyes - dark, bloodshot, empty.
I wasn't even surprised; he was more often stoned than sober when he was with me. This time, for the first time, I was genuinely afraid of him. If I didn't know how to react before, now I had no choice - I had no chance on my own.
So be it, I thought at that moment and screamed.
In seconds, chaos erupted in the house. My mother stood in the doorway, frightened, and right behind her, my father burst in. As soon as he saw what was happening, he pounced on Samuel. He pulled him away from me and threw him to the floor.
I allowed my mother to pull me out of the room. I didn't want to witness it. I heard the blows as I got dressed. The heat didn't matter - I needed to cover up. I felt deceived, betrayed. After all those times when he promised that he couldn't hurt me even under the influence...
All his words lost meaning that day.
My mother didn't try to stop me when I announced that I needed to take a walk. She just hugged me and let me go. I was grateful that she saved the excuses for later. That day, I had had enough.
I wandered the streets alone. I roamed through elegant alleys, stopping at all the places we used to go together. Finally, after several hours that might as well have been minutes, I distanced myself enough to escape from the memories.
My legs led me to the area near my old house. It hadn't even been a year since we moved, or maybe life had just tangled itself terribly. Only when I returned to the familiar trees did I gain the necessary distance. I understood, at least partially, how lost I had become.
Fortunately, from any corner of the labyrinth, you can still find your way back. I had a special way to find my way in it.
A smile appeared on my face as I remembered that special method. I brushed away annoying strands of hair from my face, rolled up the sleeves of the thin sweater I had chosen to wear – it wasn’t the best choice. I already wanted to get rid of it. The emotions had subsided, and the heat was making itself felt again.
Can you guess where I went? That's right. I went to my special place.
We had been meeting there since childhood. Me and my best friend. Whenever one of us got lost in the maze of streets – a labyrinth for little girls – we always managed to find our way to this one place.
An old radio tower, the highest point in the neighborhood.
The structure still towered above all the nearby trees. Perhaps taller buildings had been built in the city, but there weren't enough to obscure the metal mast.
Can you imagine how peaceful I felt when I stood before the gate? I sat down on the sidewalk, just like in the old days, and started counting with a dreamy smile.
"A hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight..."
The closer I got to zero, the calmer I became. The image of Samuel faded from my thoughts, and the skin no longer itched in the places he had touched that evening. I pushed the image of his dilated pupils out of my mind and forced myself to forget his words. With gratitude, I immersed myself in the heat, allowing it to wash away the memory of him, even for a few minutes.
It was my special place, and Samuel had no access here.
"Ten, nine, eight..."
Someone's steps matched the rhythm of my words. I smiled. I could recognize that cautious walk anywhere. If she wanted to, I wouldn't stand a chance of hearing her.
"One," she finished for me. "Took you a while to find your way."
I turned to her. Since Samuel had pulled me into his world, I hadn't seen her once. It was nice to see that nothing had changed. She still wore the same black ballet flats, still stubbornly tied her hair with a pink ribbon. I would bet she still wore shorts under her skirt "just in case something stupid came to someone's mind." She had never outgrown that.
"I missed you," I said because it seemed like the right thing to say. It was true.
She relaxed upon hearing those words and finally graced me with her trademark smile – I'm never quite sure what she wants to convey with it. I just assume it's everything.
"I missed you too," she replied.
She placed her delicate hand on mine. I felt the cold emanating from her – even in the worst heat, her hands always remained cold. I looked at them affectionately. How many times had we sat like this, waiting for our mothers to find us? It was still just as soothing. I missed it.
"Zero," I whispered and hugged her. She wasn't surprised, but she had a joyful look in her eyes. She must have missed this too.
In her arms, I felt like a seven-year-old girl who had lost her mom, like a ten-year-old terrified of her first bad grade, like a teenager talking about her first love, and then crying with a broken heart. In her arms, the heat didn't matter. She was my own piece of winter. And I love winter.
Believe it or not, it was with her that I felt most at home.
You see? Of all the people on the planet – those I've already met and those I have yet to meet – she turned out to be the most important person to me. And this piece of sidewalk, under this tower, is my special place. It's where all the evil was pushed into oblivion. It's where, after a year of separation, I found my best friend again. It's thanks to that one meeting that this summer turned out to be the best.
So you must remember your special places, and you must cherish your special people. So that both of you can always find your way home.