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“What the fuck is going on…?” Sigma stood in the doorway, petrified.
“FYODOR, FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, BLUE CHEESE IS NOT A VALID CHEESE!”
Dazai screamed across the room, not liking that hot take very much.
“Ok Dazai, like you don’t eat moldy Provolone out of your tiny ass fridge.”
“WELL YOU'RE BUILT LIKE A DAMN FRIDGE. Also I would NEVER eat moldy cheese unlike you with your BLUE CHEESE.” Dazai was getting way too mad over colorful cheese.
“Wow, how original” Fyodor deadpanned. “You want to go? Then let’s fucking go.”
Fyodor apparently doesn’t like being called a fridge.
“What the FUCK is going on?!“ Sigma demanded, but still very much, petrified.
“The girls are fightinggg” Nikolai seemingly teleported behind Sigma, adding his unwanted and very obvious input.
“Gah! Shit, where the fuck did you come from?” From the depths of hell, Sigma, from the depths of hell.
Turn back to Dazai and Fyodor and Fyodor is now beating the absolute crap out of Dazai somehow.
“DON’T. DISS. MY. BLUE. CHEESE.” Fyodor ranted as he kicked the thing (Dazai) to the ground. He continued to kick it as Dazai just laid there, regretting his life decisions (and his life in general).
“Ok Fyodor, now you are really not beating the rat allegations.”
Fyodor stopped kicking the creature. “Wait, so am I a fridge or a rat?”
“Yes”
Fyodor, rightfully unsatisfied with Dazai’s response, returned to beating the absolute shit out of him.
“Ow! Stop for a sec!” Dazai screeched.
“Um, no.” Fyodor proceeded to kick Dazai in the balls. Like that would do anything. Dazai just stared at him. Fyodor stared back in confusion. A staring contest. In midst of Fyodor’s confusion, Dazai got up, and socked Fyodor in the mouth.
“That’s where you fucked up Fyodor. I DON’T HAVE BALLS!”
Dazai used Gender Confusion!
It was super effective!
The opposing Fyodor flinched and couldn’t move!
Sigma and Nikolai just stood at the door dumbfounded on the scene before them.
“Nope, already tried that. As you can clearly tell, the hips don’t lie. Well, sort of. ” Chuuya was right behind Sigma and Nikolai, scaring them both. Sigma stuttered, “I-I thought he was just a twink?” “Well he is a twink, what is there to suggest he wouldn’t be?”
“Anyway, what I wanted to say before you attempted to kill me AGAIN was, I think Cheddar is a really good cheese, can we compromise there?” Dazai somehow allowed Fyodor to just stand and talk and trusted him not to knock Dazai the fuck out.
“Dazai why didn't you say that earlier? I fucking love Cheddar more than I love Blue Cheese!”
“Whoa ok then.”
Then they kissed and rode off into the sunset.