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“His name Tol.”
“Tol?”
“Yeah, Tol. He good hunter, strong, brave...” It was rare to see Robin show sadness over people who had departed but there was an undertone that even the Captain noticed as they sat on the window seat together watching the rain.
“He was your friend?”
“Friend, yeah.” Robin sat quietly for a few more moments. “I spose you modern people say boyfriend.”
The Captain raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“Goodness. I… well…um…” He cleared his throat before a thought occurred to him. “I thought you didn’t believe in monogamy?”
“I not. We all do it with everyone. But… for while… he mine.”
The men sat in silence again.
“You have friend like that?”
The Captain drew a sharp breath before making a series of his blustering noises. Robin waited patiently until the Captain realised he couldn’t deflect attention that way. He went quiet.
“No,” he said finally.
“But you wanted one?” Robin watched him with unusual care. The Captain stared at the floor, trying to steady his breath. He swallowed hard. Eventually he gave a minute nod. Robin’s face broke into a sad smile. “It ok. Why you no be honest?”
“Just not done, old chap.” He took another deep breath. “Would have been court martialled. Discharged. Worse probably.”
“But now? You with us decades, no one can get you now, you free.”
The Captain gave the window a watery smile.
“Somethings should probably remain private.”
“Bum. We your friends. We know you. You no have to pretend no more.”
Fear crept over the Captain’s face and his eyes darted around the empty room.
“Does everyone know?” His voice shook slightly as the implications occurred to him.
“More or less.” Robin shrugged. “Different people, different times, different attitudes…” He gave the Captain a reassuring smile. “People learn. Even Lady B get with the times, right?”
“Nevertheless, perhaps the honourable thing to do would be to be honest? Perhaps… perhaps it is time.”
Robin patted him on the shoulder.
“You do you.” He stood up, waiting until the Captain gave him a distracted smile and then ambled off. The Captain stayed and watched the rain course down the window, deep in contemplation.
*
“And that concludes ‘If I were an animal, what would I be?’ for tonight! Now. Any AOB?” Pat pushed his glasses up his nose and looked around the assembled ghosts expectantly. The Captain cleared his throat and stepped forward.
“Actually, Patrick, there was something. If you wouldn’t mind me taking the floor.”
Pat stood to one side with a wave of his hand. The Captain faced his audience and ran his finger round his collar.
“It has come to my attention that information of a personal nature about me is apparently common knowledge amongst you all. I wish to apologise for any semblance of obfuscation. It was not my intention to mislead anyone.”
The ghosts continued to stare at him and he cleared his throat once more, nervously waiting for a response. The silence grew until it seemed Pat could not bear it any longer and drew a breath to speak.
“Hey guys! What’s…going…on?” Alison’s bright tone turned wary as she surveyed the tableau in front of her.
“The Captain,” Pat began with a wiggle of his eyebrows, “was just telling us something.”
“Oh really? What was tha…” She trailed off as the weight of the stares surrounding her hit home.
“He gay.” Robin supplied.
“Oh is that what he was getting at” Kitty said brightly. “I thought it was something new.”
Alison ignored her as she looked at the Captain, her eyes glowing.
“Is that really what you told them, Captain? That was so brave. I’m so proud of you.”
The Captain harrumphed again, apparently more uncomfortable with this show of emotion than with any awkward confessions.
“Yes. Well. Apparently they were in no need of enlightenment. It appears to have been widely known.”
“Well, yeah,” Alison smiled. “It was pretty obvious.” She caught the look on his face. “Yeah, no, that’s great though. That’s great. I’m really proud of you. I’d give you a hug. If I could.” She trailed off uneasily.
“Thank you, Alison. I appreciate the sentiment even if the execution would be somewhat impossible." He drew himself to his full height. “Now if you’ll all excuse me.” The Captain tucked his stick firmly under his arm and strode out of the door, trying to ignore the gossipy chatter behind him.
*
Sometime later Robin found him sitting on the fountain wall, staring at the stars. He gave a little start as Robin clapped him on the shoulder and sat down.
“You ok?”
The Captain gave him a sad smile.
“I thought perhaps I would feel relieved. Or possibly embarrassed. But I just feel sort of… flat.”
“It take time. Next time fit man come by, you no’ hide. You will like it.” Robin grinned at him and gave him a shove with his shoulder. “I will prob’ like it too, we look together.”
“Well, really, Robin.” The Captain sighed with disappointment. “I don’t think this is an opportunity to become lecherous.” He caught Robin’s wide smile and shook his head with affectionate defeat.
“There one person you no’ tol’.”
The Captain turned his head sharply.
“Mary.”
The Captain opened his mouth to argue but Robin went on.
“She your friend too. Always. And she watch lots Loose Women, you not shock Mary.”
The Captain swallowed a lump in his throat, his eyes glittering.
“Tell her. You feel better.” Robin stood up with another clap on the Captain’s shoulder and walked away with apparent nonchalance, his glance back unnoticed by the Captain.
Left alone, the Captain gazed at the sky again. The rain had cleared and the stars were bright. He couldn’t remember which ones were Robin’s friends but Mary’s star was easy to pick out. It would be ridiculous. Wouldn’t it? As he watched, it seemed to give one small twinkle. He swallowed hard.
“Hello Mary,” he said out loud. “I hope… I hope wherever you are you have found peace. We all miss you.” He swallowed painfully. “The thing is, Mary, I feel it is only right and proper to be honest with you as I have been with the others. It appears to be an accepted fact that I…”
He stopped abruptly, aware that he hadn’t actually put his feelings into words in the common room.
“I…well, I suppose you could call me something of a confirmed bachelor. Perhaps you knew. You always were perceptive of people.” He pressed his lips together as his eyes filled. He looked into the night sky as one hot teardrop slipped down his cheek. He swiped it away with his cuff and squared his shoulders.
“Anyway, felt a full briefing was in order. Jolly good, as you were, carry on.”
As he watched, Mary’s star seemed to sparkle more brightly than all the others, almost glowing from the sky. The Captain let out the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. He stood up and stiffened to attention, raising his right hand in salute as he kept his eyes on it. The peace he was hoping to feel earlier settled on his shoulders. He lowered his hand slowly.
“Thank you, Mary,” he murmured gently and with one final nod of respect he turned back towards the house.