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“date” was the exact word Donghyuck had chosen for their friendly hangout the other night, or so Renjun thought. It was very typical of Donghyuck to call their meetups, dates but it was just him, nothing was going on between them and Renjun knew how much of a tease his bestfriend was, yet he’d find himself covered in goosebumps and shivering whenever he was referred to as Haechan’s husband.
In his mind, it all started as a joke. All the teasing and the affection that came after it, he never thought more of them than just Donghyuck being his playful self. It was a couple years ago that others started to point it out “are you his fan?” Mark asked Haechan in one of their comeback lives, “I’m not his fan.” he took a glance at Renjun and nonchalantly continued “I just like him.”. They all cooed at that and moved on. All of them but Renjun.
It wasn’t an unknown fact that he couldn’t handle compliments and affections that well. He’s always been the shy type when it came to others complimenting him, maybe because he wasn’t sure if he actually deserved them. It wasn’t that different with Donghyuck either, except he could never tell if the latter actually meant them to that extent or not. He’s always been a nice person and his warmth’s been something that even a stranger could see from afar, or maybe that’s what Renjun’s been telling himself all along. Cause why would he be different? Hyuck’s just that lovely to everybody.
“Renjun’s husband!” that’s what the fan calls Haechan at the fanmeeting. Renjun isn’t sitting next to him but he can still hear them if he pays enough attention. He’s just simply trying to focus on the people he’s supposed to be talking to. This one is different though, in his defense, normally hearing your name does catch your attention so it’s not really that odd for him to take a glance at Haechan who’s sitting on the other side of the table. “yeah! We had a date! Just the two of us.” as always, he rolls his eyes and gets back to his signing, at least that’s what others see. What nobody knows is that his heart’s doing something, like when you’re nervous and you don’t know what’s gonna happen so you keep thinking and you forget that you need to breathe.
Haechanie’s cute when he wants to persuade people that they’re actually married. Maybe just maybe Renjun liked the idea a little bit too much when Donghyuck started the whole thing, that he let it get to his head. “you were staring.” Jisung says when they get back home. “what?” he asks confused “you were staring at donghyuck hyung.”
“oh...I didn’t notice? I guess I was just out of it. I wasn’t actually…” he gets interrupted by the younger “hyung come on. I know you better than that. Are you fighting again? I know you guys have been a little distant lately.”
“no, we haven’t? He literally calls me his husband every day. In what universe is that being distant?” Jisung sits down in front of him and narrows his eyes “yes you have. I’m not sure why though. Look hyung I know you two have this weird push-and-pull dynamic going on. I’ve always thought that’s just for the camera but I don’t know if that’s the case anymore. Anyways, you were staring and I just wanted to let you know. If something’s bothering you just talk to him.” Renjun looks at him in silence “or me if that’ll help.” Jisung adds before smiling at him sheepishly. Renjun laughs and pinches his cheeks “you’re so cute Jisung-ah. Nothing’s bothering me.” lies “thanks for offering though I’ll talk to you if I have something on my mind.” lies again. There’s no way he’ll talk about the things he’s been feeling since that night…
♡
He’s been overthinking and his messed up sleeping schedule hasn’t been helpful either. It’s nothing new, he keeps telling himself but neither are his feelings. The night when the so-called date happens technically isn’t that different. It was supposed to be the seven of them but the concert was so tiring so Renjun ends up alone with the one person he’s been trying to avoid. The restaurant is cozy and they have a whole room to themselves. Spending time with Haechan is always so easy. He makes him comfortable in a way no one else can. They talk for hours and it only feels like minutes.
A little bit of alcohol and all the tensions Renjun didn’t know he was feeling go away. The constant pressure on his heart loosens up and he can only see what’s in front of him. “you want more?” Donghyuck asks while pouring himself another shot “I think we should stop hyuck.” Renjun puts his hand on top of hyuck’s to stop him from drinking more. Donghyuck gives him a weak smile and holds his hand tighter “why? You’re afraid you’ll slip?” Renjun can feel the room getting hotter and his cheeks are probably burning along with his hand. Haechan’s slowly rubbing his hand with his thumb. His gaze fixated on him the whole time. His head spinning and his heart racing out of his chest “I’m already…pretty drunk. We need to go back to the hotel.” Donghyuck’s hand is now stroking his arm and his face’s a little closer “hmmm…yeah you are pretty.”
“w-what?” Donghyuck chuckles “I said you’re pretty renjun-ah.” now, the normal Renjun would have just laughed it off and moved on with his life. It’s not the first time he’s been called pretty by Donghyuck. But the seriousness in his tone is new. His mind is hazy, he can’t think and the distance that they barely have is adding to the confusion. Haechan is looking at him with hooded eyes, his Haechan. He can’t trust his voice so he whispers “it’s getting late haechan-ah.” Donghyuck grabs his phone and opens the camera “let me return the favor hm? You took some really cool photos of me.” Renjun blinks slowly “come on baby. Just sit there and look pretty for me.” There’s no point in insisting, Haechan always gets what he wants anyway. So he leans his chin on his hand and looks to the front.
The ride to the hotel is a bit awkward. Or maybe it’s what Renjun feels since Donghyuck seems at peace. His head is killing him so he closes his eyes to ease the pain a little. He’s supposed to be the one with the best alcohol tolerance yet all he can feel is the loud noises in his head and his stomach screaming for help. “you’re avoiding me.” and the noises get louder “what are you talking about? I’m not I’m just really tir-”
“not now. You’ve been avoiding me for a while.” Renjun doesn’t answer. Haechan touches his hand gently “Renjun look at me.” He turns his face only to find Donghyuck inches away from him “did I do something wrong?” Renjun frowns at that “don’t say that. No, you haven’t done anything. I’m sorry if-” Haechan doesn’t let him finish “so why? I can see it renjun just tell me. You know I’d listen.” Renjun actually considers it for a second. It’s getting tiring, he’s been bottling up all these feelings for about a year now and he knows he has to deal with them one way or another. So he thinks about it, all the what-ifs running through his head. This is his bestfriend that he can’t lose, but would he really? He knows Donghyuck loves him, maybe not in the same way but still he won’t hurt him, right?
“I can literally hear you thinking.” Renjun smiles “you worry too much. I’m not avoiding you, really. I have some stuff that I need to figure out but it’s not you, okay?” he can see the disappointment in Haechan’s eyes. He hates himself for being the reason behind it “you’re too nice to people. Stop blaming yourself for other’s shitty behaviors.” Donghyuck sighs and mumbles “but you’re not people…”
The rest of the ride goes silently. When the car pulls over in front of the hotel Haechan helps Renjun “I can walk on my own you know that, right?” he says while Haechan’s holding him by his waist “yeah yeah I can clearly see that” they walk slowly. His embrace is always so comforting. It somewhat makes Renjun sleepy. He rests his head on Haechan’s shoulder, he can hear his heartbeat. It’s so soft and steady that makes him close his eyes. Donghyuck looks at him through his eyelashes, they’re so close that he can clearly detect the smell of Renjun’s perfume. He always smells…intoxicating to Haechan, with or without the perfume of course. They stop against the door before they know it. Renjun can feel Donghyuck’s chest rising and falling. He opens his eyes and meets with an intense gaze. He wants to get away but Haechan holds him even closer “Hey…” he whispers to him “Hyuck…” Renjun put his hand on his chest and tries to push him away gently. “and then you say you’re not avoiding me.” the gripe on his waist is gone. Donghyuck takes a step back “good night, renjunie.” Renjun enters his room and immediately closes the door. He slides down the door and hugs his knees. What the hell just happened?
♡
They’re so busy and aside from all the exhaustion, it’s kind of in Haechan’s favor. He hasn’t been seeing the dreamies that often lately and although he misses them, it’s probably for the best. Joking around and flirting with his members has been part of his personality since day one but with Renjun, it might not be a joke anymore and it’s dangerous. There’s so much at stake, it’s risky and he won’t take the risk for a feeling that he’s been able to manage for years.
“dude the babies have been messaging the gp for days now. Have you checked?” Haechan takes a look at his phone “not really. What’s it this time?” Mark scratches his head “dinner? I know we have schedules but I checked and we probably can meet at chenle’s house this weekend?”
“why his house?” Haechan asks while having a spoonful of his lunch. “he’s the one blowing up our chat obviously. Complaining about how he’s forgetting how we look even.” Mark laughs and shows him the texts.
ZCL: come onnnnnn guys it’s been a decadeee
Nana: not a decade but the baby has a point
ZCL: thank you hyung 🥺
Samoyed: we do miss you a lot mark hyung but it’s understandable
I KNOW I miss my babies too :Me
Andy Park: where’s hc hyung anyway?
ZCL: YEAH? he’s abandoned us
eagi: chenle come on…
ZCL: WHAT? I want my favorite hyung :(
HEY what about me :( :Me
ZCL: MY POINT is that we miss you. We can always crash
at my place. I’ll cook even.
Nana: AIGOOO
I’ll talk to donghyuck. Yall will be there right? :Me
Samoyed: of course
Nana: hell yeahhh mann
Andy Park: just tell us when hyung
ZCL: renjunie?
eagi: I’ll try. I have this thing I’m not sure…
Donghyuck frowns at that “what’s that supposed to mean?” mark reads the text again and hums “he’s probably busy with something. But it’s renjun he’ll always be there.” Haechan chews on his nail. What if he won’t? “just tell them I won’t be there and he’ll go.”
“what do you mean? You’re not coming?” Donghyuck stands up and picks up the empty plate “actually, I’ll text them myself. Just set the date. It’ll be a surprise hyung trust me.”
♡
It’s not that he doesn’t want to see Donghyuck, it’s just that he prefers it if it’s for work. So they’d be busy with their own stuff and wouldn’t have the time to be awkward over what happened, or almost did.
As bad as it sounds, he gets relieved when he hears Haechan’s not coming to Chenle’s house. He feels so guilty, but it’s better to be guilty than having his heart tremble the whole night. He dresses up and gets there a little bit early. He expects the house to be empty but the person that opens the door for him proves it wrong. His smile drops the second he meets Donghyuck. “wow renjunie the enthusiasm. You’re flattering me.” with that he opens the door wider and gets back inside “don’t be mean I just didn’t know you’d be here you caught me off-guard.” he follows Haechan into the house. “I thought you had a thing.” Haechan sits on the couch and looks at Renjun with a smirk. “I said I’ll try didn’t I?” Renjun walks to the kitchen and greets Chenle. It doesn’t take that much for others to get there and for the night to begin.
They’re all enjoying themselves, with all the food Chenle has prepared and the drinks Mark has brought, they’d be crazy not to. After they’re done with dinner, they somehow end up playing bear pong. It’s been their favorite game since they turned 20. The game itself isn’t that significant, whatever happens after they get drunk though…
Renjun is always the last one that gets tipsy, so he never worries but this time he’s being extra cautious cause the last time he drank he almost kissed his best friend. “you’re not drinking?” Donghyuck looks at him with his eyebrows raised “I’d rather not.” Haechan hums and gulps down the whole bottle “well suit yourself.”
The more they drink, the clingier they get. Renjun might have been careful with the amount he drinks, but Donghyuck hasn’t. He loses so many times that he can’t even stand properly, so he throws himself on the couch next to Renjun “what you doin?” he leans his head on Renjun’s shoulder. “tweeter as you can see.” Dongyuck pushes his face a little bit farther and tries to see Renjun’s phone “hmmm is it more interesting than us? Than me?” Donghyuck’s breath is warming his skin. He elbows him softly “you’re so full of yourself you know that?” Haechan closes the little gap they have between them “but you weren’t even looking at me” Renjun can clearly hear the pout in his voice, his brain feels fuzzy. He angles his head a little and looks at him “what do you want Donghyuck?” Haechan nudges his face into the crook of his neck “you looked so hot today did I tell you that?” Renjun’s breath hitches in his throat. He tries to calm himself down “y-you didn’t.” Haechan doesn’t even hear him “and you smell so good.” he sniffs a little “what perfume is this? Can I have it?” Renjun freezes. Nothing. He hasn’t used his cologne tonight. “I..it’s just me.” He feels him smiling into his neck. The slight brush of Donghyuck’s lips on his skin is too much for him to handle “well then...I love...how you smell renjunie.” he groans and tries to push Haechan away “Haech-” he’s cut in by Haechan’s lips kissing his neck this time. He lets out a shaky breath and pushes him harder “DONGHYUCK!”
He stops, as well as the others. “hyung?” Jisung calls him startled. He tries so hard not to cry but the tears are forming in his eyes. He answers weakly not trusting his voice “I think I need to go.” His legs feel so weak it’s like they’re turning into jelly. It all seems like a nightmare. All the stares he’s been avoiding for so long. The room is spinning around him and his vision’s getting blurry “thanks chenle.” he barely manages to mutter before he slams the door shot and runs to the dorm.
Renjun wakes up with a headache, although he wasn’t the one that got drunk last night. It’s probably the overthinking and a little crying he did last night. Getting out of bed seems like the hardest thing in the world, but he eventually forces himself to climb out of bed. He pushes the door open and drags himself to the kitchen. Jisung’s sitting there holding his phone, fully immersed in some random video “hey” renjun says passing by him. The younger jumps a little on his chair “oh you’re awake.” renjun gets a glass of milk and sits before him. Jisung looks at him worriedly “you…are you feeling better hyung?” Renjun feels too tired to answer but he tries “hmm ‘m fine”Jisung seems a little bit tense "cause donghyuck hyung is in my room right now.” Renjun stands up so fast he feels light-headed “what?” Jisung answers him apologetically “I told him to wait till tomorrow but he insisted. I made him wait in the room so he wouldn’t be the first thing you see.”
Renjun wants to cry. Sure he’s being a little bit dramatic but his plan was to avoid and ignore the whole incident like he always does. Renjun hates change of plans. He takes a deep breath and tries to mentally prepare himself as he finally, stops in front of the room. What is he even supposed to say?
“renjunie? Is that you?” a soft yet nervous voice is heard from inside. Haechan opens the door before he can even move. He looks at him but doesn’t smile. Renjun sighs and wants to say something but Donghyuck doesn’t let him “maybe inside ?” then he chuckles awkwardly “I mean it’s not my room but you know…” Renjun slides into the room and sits on Jisung’s bed “you know I just woke up, right? the timing hyuck, really...” Donghyuck rushes towards him and sits on the chair while pulling it closer to the bed “I know but I had to.” Renjun raises his eyebrows “had to do what exactly?” Donghyuck licks his lips before he starts “I crossed a line. I’m really sorry renjun. I shouldn’t have pushed it when you were clearly uncomfortable.” Renjun replies faster than he thinks “you were drunk. I know it didn’t mean anything obviously.” unlike him, Donghyuck gives it a second before he answers “what do you mean it didn’t mean anything?”
Renjun blinks at him and opens his mouth but the words aren’t coming out. Donghyuck continues, being more serious than before “you mean the kiss?” Renjun’s heart is beating so fast like it can’t find enough space in his chest. Did they really have to address it like that? “what I mean is that I know you didn’t wanna…do it for real. It was the drink and-” Haechan gets a little bit closer but they still have plenty of space between them “renjun you gotta know this. I think everyone in the company wants to kiss you actually.” Renjun giggles unconsciously “no they don’t?” Haechan smiles, happy that he could lighten up the mood a bit “okay maybe not everyone, but my point is that…if I absolutely, definitely, completely didn’t want to kiss you, I wouldn’t have done it even drunk renjun.” Donghyuck can see the panic in Renjun’s eyes so he starts rambling “which I didn’t really. It was your…neck but still, I should have stopped when you told me to. I’m gonna drink less from now on. What if I start kissing random guys when I’m drunk or worse, what if I-”
“donghyuck” he raises his head and waits for Renjun to continue “the night, in the hotel, you wanted to do it that night too didn’t you?” Donghyuck tries his hardest not to look at him “I…would have if you’d let me…”
“hyuck..” he whines this time “you can’t just say things like that when you don’t even-” you don’t have feelings for me, he wants to say but instead he eats his words before they get too dangerous. Haechan notices and asks impatiently “I don’t even what renjun?” he ignores that question “it doesn’t matter just…stop kissing people when you don’t mean it hyuck. They might think you do.” he stands up and runs to the door. It’s like the walls are closing in on him, breathing is getting harder and he can feel his eyes getting teary. He needs to get out of the room, that’s not what Haechan thinks though. He jumps up from his chair “hey stop doing that” he grabs Renjun by the shoulder not so gently this time “stop fuckin dodging. You run away every time your emotions come up. you clearly have something to say so just sa-”
He stops talking, but it’s not willingly. A pair of lips on his cuts him off. Renjun’s standing on his tiptoes with his eyes shut. It’s not a kiss, technically it’s just their lips brushing but still, Haechan’s shivering all over his body, from just a touch. It lasts a few seconds but that’s enough to leave him speechless. Renjun looks him in the eye, his pupils shaking “there you have it donghyuck.” his lips are burning along with his face. He doesn’t stop Renjun this time, couldn’t move even if he wanted to. It’s like he’s stuck. He’s wanted that kiss for so long, he can’t believe it finally, almost, happened and he let Renjun go, just like that. It’s pathetic he thinks, how a single brush riles him up like this. How all he wants right now is another kiss, and another, and another…
♡
“you realize it’s extremely childish, right?” Chenle’s the first one to call him out. Renjun glares at him. Normally, everybody tries to avoid that glare, but not Chenle. He’s somehow immune to all the renjun’s scary when he gets angry shit people pull off. He eats his snack and looks at Renjun unbothered “it’s not you really. That’s not what you’d do. What’s gotten into you?”
Renjun shifts where he sits and faces the younger “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Chenle huffs annoyed, he takes a look around to see if anyone’s hearing them. When he’s sure the members are at a safe distance he continues “oh my fuckin god renjun just drop the act. You know it won’t work on me. So what? You kissed him-”
“how do YOU know about that?!” he asks while trying to keep his voice down.
Chenle chuckles “first of all, rude. I know everything. Secondly, unlike YOU, donghyuck talks!” Renjun rolls his eyes and curses himself for being so reckless. Chenle shakes his head in disappointment “now what? Just get it over with for fuck’s sake. It’s uncomfortable being around you guys. friends kiss, not a big deal.” Renjun buries his face in his hands and whines slowly “not when they actually feel…something.” he’s waiting for Chenle to jab at him again, but it’s not his voice he’s hearing “am I interrupting something?” he looks up at Haechan so fast he feels faint. Chenle glances between them and pushes himself up “not really. He’s just wallowing in self pity”
“CHENLE!” Renjun calls him but he’s long gone before he can catch him. Donghyuck offers his hand “can we talk? Preferably somewhere without them?” he points to the rest of the Dreamies and smiles. Renjun looks at his hand before taking it. They enter the first empty room and close the door behind them.
“when I told you to just say it…I meant with words renjunie.” Donghyuck teases, although he’s basically losing his mind. Renjun snickers and tries to stay calm “you liked it though, didn’t you?” Donghyuck takes a step closer “I did. But it wasn’t talking. You still have some stuff to tell me.” Renjun sighs and starts chewing at his bottom lip.
“come on renjunie. be fair. I think I deserve to know.”
This is it, he thinks to himself. There’s no time for another masterplan to deflect it all again. He tries his best to avoid Haechan’s eyes “you’re right. You deserve to know. But let me ask you this first.” Donghyuck nods and waits “it wasn’t a date. That night. Why did you call it one? I’ve told you to stop doing and saying shit when you don’t mean them yet you keep doing it.” another step closer “hmmmm, that’s been on your mind for quite some time now, hasn’t it renjun-ah?” he pauses for a second “did you want it to be a date?”
Renjun skips a breath but doesn’t back out “you know what? Yeah I did. I do. I want… to kiss you too. Always have. And it’s not just that, I…” he gives himself a minute “I know it’s probably too much for you but I...” Haechan’s face is so close to his, he could count his moles if he tried to, they’re in all the right places. From his cheekbones to his jaw and his neck, he wants to kiss them all. He loses his train of thoughts when he feels Haechan’s breath on his lips. He’s looking at him with hooded eyes “you what renjunie?” his gaze shifts to Haechan’s lips and back to his eyes again “I love you.”
He’s barely finished his sentence when Haechan smacks his lips to Renjun’s. It’s not gentle nor soft. He’d imagined their first kiss to be cute and full of giggles but this, is none of those. It’s filled with the longing and want they’ve both been setting aside for years. Haechan backs him away towards the door but he doesn’t stop. He kisses him feverishly, like he hasn’t kissed anybody in centuries, like it’d be his last breath but he’d still want him. A moan escapes Renjun’s mouth once his back hits the door. His arms automatically circle around Donghyuck’s neck and pull him closer. Haechan’s hands climb up to his waist and hold him tighter. He can feel Haechan’s fingers drilling into his skin and it stings yet he craves for more. Every bit of sanity left his mind the second Haechan looked at him with that hungry gaze, he didn’t stop him then, he’s not gonna stop him now, so he licks Donghyuck's lips and tries to take control, Donghyuck smirks into the kiss and pushes his tongue out, he presses harder on Renjun’s waist and it gets a whimper out of him. He uses the little gap between Renjun’s lips and sticks his tongue in. Renjun moans louder but gets silenced every time.
He’s struggling to breathe but stopping will hurt more. He clenches on Haechan’s shirt for leverage, they obviously need air so Donghyuck breaks the kiss. He gently pecks Renjun on his still-closed eyes. The caress on his cheek forces him to open his eyes. The way Haechan’s gazing at him so intently sends shivers down his spine. He smiles back nervously.
“you’re blushing”
“well then stop looking at me like that!” Renjun says trying to push Haechan away weakly. Donghyuck holds him closer “like what renjunie?” he asks stroking Renjun’s face “like you…” Renjun whispers. Haechan’s smile deepens “like I love you? Cause I do.”
Renjun looks at him with his boba eyes, shiny and with disbelief. Donghyuck giggles and kisses the tip of his nose. He holds Renjun’s face in his hands “look at me. I . love . you. renjun-ah. And this isn’t just me being your friend. It’s me being deeply, truly, and utterly in love with you.” Renjun’s whole face lights up when he looks at Donghyuck. It makes sense, he thinks to himself, Donghyuck really is the Fullsun.
♡
“so last time you were in Jakarta, you went to a bar right?”
“yeah! It was me and renjunie. It was my idea actually.” he glances at Renjun and smirks. Renjun suppresses a laugh and shakes his head in disbelief.
So much for having a “friendly hangout”!