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The sun was warm on his face, kissing his strawberry blond curls and chasing away the chill that danced in the forenoon dew.
Mornings were his favorite, much to the dismay of the staff. While they were ever-attentive in the watch of their Dear Phoenix, the hour made it simple to slip away. It’d been only a short few days since Clive had become his Shield proper. It was awkward, the increased tension in the household stifling. Though he didn't understand, their mother's love seemed anchored in talk of title and duty and the sad fact was, it seemed at most times that he be the only one to fit into that specially fashioned box of her's.
Joshua sighed, digging the toe of his shoe into the gravel path he walked just beyond the courtyard.
He hugged the crimson kerseymere shawl to his shoulders, inhaled deeply, then regretted it immediately when the motion caused his lungs to stutter in violent waves that burned his already sore throat raw. He hated this most, these tiny reminders that stubborn as he was, going out alone was dangerous. Not for fear of the world around him, but rather, his own young body betraying him. The physickers had no answers. None that would satisfy his house, anyway. Whatever the cause, it seemed chronic. A recurring frustration to his wish for freedom.
Through the heavy jerks he heard a gasp, and when he managed to work his watering eyes open he spotted the owner a mere few yalms away.
A small girl, five, or six, perhaps. Her chestnut hair held gentle curls about her face, punctuating a set of large, doe-like eyes beneath thick lashes. At first glance she appeared not to be from the castle, though he had seen her around before on the rare outings he stole away with his brother and Jill.
"I'm sorry," he said, drawing in a breath as best he could to satisfy the pain in his chest. "I didn't mean to scare you." And make her drop her meal, he observed by the fresh loaf laying between them.
Joshua’s chin rose and, with a steady hand, made motion to take up the bread. He turned it in his hand to check for dirt before extending it to her with a pleasant smile.
She made no move.
Skittish, or perhaps just shy. Then she bowed her head to him and clutched her hands to her dress, fisting into the thick linen fabric at her knees.
“Rise, please.” he urged.
It was nothing he hadn’t been accustomed to, but even so it always made him uncomfortable to have others bend to him so, especially those near to his age. It was commonplace at every turn, leaving little room for him to feel a simple boy and not only The Phoenix, Rightful Heir and future Archduke of Rosaria.
He tried again, this time stepping in closer and setting the loaf in her hand to encourage those tiny fingers to unfold from their anxious clutches and instead accept his offering.
The tension eased from the girl's shoulders, her wine-toned eyes lifting finally with the faintest hint of an appreciative smile curling at her mouth. Her lips twitched at the corners, parted, then drew inward while she bit at them like she wanted to speak but couldn't find the words.
Joshua watched all of these movements, curious, yet when frustration began to creep upon her face he found himself raising a hand to give an encouraging brush to her shoulder. "That's alright, sometimes I have a hard time speaking, too."
When anxious, or afraid, or ill. Perhaps it wasn't the same for this child, but it earned him another smile and that was enough for him.
The moment was gone as quickly as it had come, however, and in hearing the whine of the iron gate behind him and the approaching footsteps of his nurses, he knew well why. The little girl spooked, running off with no more than a final glance at him, and for a moment he considered fleeing with her.
“Lord Joshua, you mustn’t be outdoors.” A large hand was at his back, ushering him back into his cage as it always did.
The expression he offered them was an apologetic one, but not for them. For himself and the loss of those precious seconds of normalcy.
“I know.” he said, turning to make back for the courtyard.
"You're going to be difficult about this, aren't you, Your Grace?"
He shouldn't find it endearing, but he does. The stern pout of a frown Jote seems to sport has developed just for him these years in his moments of stubbornness and he's well aware of it. Appreciates it, even, though he isn't quite ready to decipher those more foreign emotions.
He's twenty-one now, so far off from the boy he was, and whether it be from the ever shifting world around him, or his many years of lost youth, he just doesn't feel equipped to unpack that just yet. There's too much on his plate already.
Joshua sits up, a breath of a sigh tumbling out from the exertion and feeling like he weighs a hundred tonze. He's no stranger to feeling feverish. His health had always been tentative at best, but one thing he's learned is that her presence and friendship is soothing.
He smiles, a hand emerging from the warm comfort of his blankets to motion for his Attendant, whose knelt at his bedside with an array of medicines and poultices now on display. In recent years she's become rather fond of herbalism, and the reason doesn't evade him.
It makes his heart swell.
"Rise, please."
Jote does so without question, drops her gaze to that hand, then re-meets his with a look of skepticism. It's clear what he's asking, and she sighs.
"Your Grace-"
"I'll take it, I promise." He insists, and she yields with an exaggerated roll of the eyes. Jote kicks off her boots, pulling up her skirts to allow ease for her to crawl in beside him and offer the comfort she knows they both enjoy.
"Better?"
"Much, thank you."
She feigns frustration. He gives her a nudge. One infectious smile encourages the other, and both know well that this companionship of theirs keeps them both going.
“I was thinking about home just now.” For some reason it was a pattern on those days he was bedridden. It reminded him of the longing he felt for more back then, reading fantastical tales of grand adventure beyond the confines of his cage or daydreaming of the world he and his brother might explore together. “It was always so…loud.”
The words summon an inquiring look, but she waits for him to continue, and he does.
“What a spoiled child I was.” Joshua reflects, amusement on his tongue before he gives it a click, “Whenever I was sick, I always had so many crowding around me. I was so well adored, yet I only remember trying to find crevices to myself when I was too exhausted to be…”
“The Phoenix?”
“The Phoenix.”
A silence falls between them, and it’s clear they’re both deciphering the information. He draws in a breath, releasing it heavily from his nose.
“But I appreciate your company, Jote. It’s easy.” Easy was too simple a word, but the pressure of his fever discouraged him from articulating as properly as he might have liked.
Another glance his way. She’s studying him. "I appreciate yours as well,” She murmurs, “You never force me to speak."
"I never felt the need to. You're easy enough to read."
Her cheeks redden at that, and she's lovely like this, he thinks.
"In my childhood it was difficult to find my voice. It was made worse when others bade me speak, as if my body rejected it fully.” Her lips purse, and she hugs her knees to her chest before her eyes shut to cast shadows upon her soft, full cheeks. “It was reading to you, before you regained consciousness that helped ease my nerves. It was impossible for you to reject my stuttering."
The bark of a laugh that draws from him makes her grin, and she's burying her face against her arms to hide it.
"Well," Joshua breathes, shuffling back down into the blankets now with renewed warmth in his heart, "Happy to be of service, of course." he quips.
"You know my meaning."
His hand catches her wrist, and as a breath passes between them they share more smiles. Shy, uncertain, neither are willing to read into any of this for the moment and they're just fine with that. "I know," and his tone calms for her, "I know, and I'm honored."
She flushes hotter now, shaking her arm free of his hold in order to reach for the vials she'd set aside moments before.
"Then pray, honor me in turn by.."
"Ah, I was so close" Though he groans, he accepts the medicine, swallows down its bitter sting and throws the blanket back over his head to sleep.