Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Yujin’s feet pound on the solid oak staircase as he runs up the stairs, never able to heed the countless warnings of their housekeeper about tripping and breaking his neck. 

He slams into his room like a hurricane, happy anticipation bubbling in his chest, and closes the door behind him with a satisfying snick. There is a certain joy in knowing he has the huge mansion all to himself and the tub of double chocolate brownie chunk ice cream clutched in his hands only makes that joy sweeter. 

Yujin flops down into his bed, sinking into the luxurious mattress, and starts to build a nest of blankets. He’d just returned from a grueling month-long STEM camp the night before and his plans today consist of rest, relaxation, and too much junk food. 

He pulls several fluffy blankets over himself and props pillows all around himself, trying to maximize his comfort. He’s still in his pajamas and knowing that his parents would absolutely disapprove of his current state only makes Yujin pleased. Wriggling his toes in his fluffy socks he finally curls up against the mountain of pillows, letting out a contented sigh. 

The carton of icecream is balanced on his chest, just melted enough on top that he can easily dig his spoon in– perfect. 

A pile of other snacks, all ordered from a store delivery service because his parents believe in surviving on wine and air, sit ready on his bedside table. 

Yujin is warm and comfortable and there is absolutely no one in the house to make him balance chemical equations or study slides of cells. He’d slept in late and then luxuriated in bed all morning, enjoying the chilly gusts of AC as he dozed on and off. 

He can’t hear a single mosquito whirring through the air and no annoying bells will summon him to lunch. There are no stringy teenagers invading his space or solving math equations for fun, and the chances of a sunburn are zero because his thick curtains are drawn. 

Opening up the laptop balanced in his stomach, Yujin sticks a spoonful of creamy, rich, chocolatey ice cream in his mouth and decides this is heaven. 

He clicks through Netflix for a while, enjoying the feel of artificial blue light, but doesn’t find anything to catch his interest. He tries Hulu and Disney+ next, more and more annoyed when nothing quite fits what he wants because he can’t truly enjoy his snacks without something to watch while he eats. 

The ice cream is melting on his chest and the extra salty fries he’d ordered from his favorite American restaurant are practically begging to be eaten— but he can’t touch them until he finds a video to watch. 

Yujin groans and gives up, turning to YouTube as his last resort. If he really has to, he can always watch TikTok compilations. 

Scrolling through the homepage of recommended videos, Yujins interest is caught by a thumbnail of several attractive, smiling young men and women. 

The video is simply titled Meet Our Pack and when Yujin hovers over it, he sees the little faces on screen laughing and smiling together. 

Shrugging, desperate to eat the fries before they go cold and soggy, Yujin clicks on the video and settles down to watch. 

Three men and two women sit close together on a long white couch, all holding hands or touching each other in some way. They look comfortable together despite their physical differences and Yujin wonders if they’re a friend group or just very close siblings.

“Hi everyone,” the man in the middle of the couch says, flashing a brilliant white smile at the camera. “Welcome back to our channel! We have a really special video for you guys today– we’re officially a pack!” 

The people on screen erupt into cheers, clapping wildly, and one of them even sets off a mini confetti popper. As the screen fills with colorful glitter, Yujin chews on a chunk of brownie and wonders why the word pack sounds familiar. 

“If you’re been following along with our journey to officially become a pack, then you know we sent off our registration paperwork about five months ago,” the middle guy says once everyone has calmed down a bit. He’s still baring his very white teeth at the camera in a painful looking smile. “And if you’re new here, well– welcome to our family!” 

Yujin sucks a dribble of melted ice cream off his wrist, curious despite himself. Why would these people need to register for anything? Did they buy a house all together? Is that it? 

“Registering to be a pack was a lot of work,” another man says, his arm draped around a petite girl with pink hair. “We had to fill out tons of paperwork and it was pretty expensive, too, but in the end we knew it’d all be worth it.”

“Oppa, maybe we should introduce ourselves,” the pink haired girl says, pushing at the man’s chest playfully. She turns to the camera and waves, beaming. “Hi guys! I’m Mirae and these are my official packmates!”

The rest of the people introduce themselves– the man who seems to be in charge is named Dojun, while the other two are Taeyeong and Junseong. The last girl, who has hair cut sharply to her chin, is named Chaewon.

Yujin sets the half eaten tub of ice cream aside, ignoring the cooking fries as he curls up on his side and drags the laptop closer to his face. His eyes reflect back the glow of the screen, five tiny figures in his irises.

“If you’re new here, you’re probably wondering what exactly a pack is,” Dojun says, leaning forward over his knees and giving the camera a curious look. Everyone else on the couch quiets down– it’s clear that he commands some sort of authority over them. “I used to be like you too– until I met my packmates and realized there was a different way to live.”

“See,” he continues, “a pack is a family. No– a pack is better than family.” 

“Pack is your chosen family,” Chaewon breaks in, settling her hand atop the pink haired girl's knee, “your found family. It’s a conscious decision to live and be with the people you love.”

Yujin blinks at the screen, his brain whirring at lightning speed. Chosen family. Huh. That doesn’t sound too bad. If it was up to him he certainly wouldn’t have chosen to be born to his parents, no matter how wealthy they are. 

“When you form a pack, you’re tying yourself to your packmates,” Dojun continues, flashing a smile at the two girls who are now cuddled into each other. “You’re declaring to the world that these are the people you consider your family and who you love. It’s a really beautiful thing.”

“We realized there’s another way to live,” Junseong says, shrugging gracefully. One of his arms is extended along the back of the couch, his fingers petting through Taeyeong’s dark hair. “A way that was forgotten when society decided suppressing our wolf instincts was better than existing in a natural state.”

Yujin frowns, confused. He knows about the reforms in the 1950’s that had swept around the world, the wave of consensus that subgenders and scents and instincts were all undignified, inhuman things. 

Leaders and health professionals in every country had declared that suppressants and cycle injections were for the greater good. Police officials and military commanders pointed to inner wolf instincts and the ability to shift as the source of every major conflict, while psychologists and behavioral therapists expounded on alpha aggression and the internet power dynamics of a subgender-centric society. 

The change had been monumental. Drug manufacturing factories began to pump out millions of small white pills and tubes of chemicals. The strictest countries made the pills and injections mandatory and the rest of the world soon followed– pills and injections were shipped to every home alongside informational pamphlets.

Ads for the pills and injections started to show up on television and during movie intermissions, while radio announcers and DJ’s alike read statements from governments concerning the well-being of the nations’ citizens. Top doctors and medical professionals were interviewed, trial patients exclaimed over the positive benefits of the new health regime, and hunters everywhere were given express permission to kill as many wolves as they wanted. 

Within a year, almost every major country in the world had adopted and begun to distribute a version of the pills and injections. Within five years, people were holding wedding ceremonies instead of mating celebrations and going about their lives without the worry of presentation.

Within thirty years, most people had lost the ability to shift and didn’t even think twice about taking their daily suppressant with breakfast. Distribution centers were built on every block and in every rural town and the drugs continued to be shipped to people's homes– all for free. 

Subgender no longer mattered. Scents and the publication of private emotions were things of the past. Children played at being wolves but their fingers never grew claws and they had no sharp teeth to bite one another with.

Violence drastically dropped. Those who would have once been labeled as omegas were free to move throughout the world, could seek out jobs and walk alone at night and never had to worry about their entire lives being disrupted by heats. 

Society, as a whole, had improved. Humans were humans and of course there would still be conflict, would still be thievery and greed and bad people, but everyone agreed that it really was better this way.

Those nasty, embarrassing, animalistic instincts and urges had been beaten down and suppressed by the might of science and rational intelligence. Facts and numbers and clinical trials won at the end of the day and humans became simply– human.

Yujin had learned about it all in his history class but it all happened so long before he was born that he’d only held a detached sort of interest for the whole affair. The way of life that involved inner wolves and scents and subgender, the concept of mating and male pregnancy– it was all ridiculous and archaic and it had nothing to do with him.

He had memorized the dates of the international agreements on sharing the formula for the suppressants and he had recited back the first countries to adopt the new plan on his test, but that was it. Yujin hadn’t given much thought to the enormous societal change after his teacher had finished that unit and honestly– he didn’t think he ever would again.

Just like everyone else he knows, he takes his daily pill with breakfast and goes to a nearby clinic to receive his monthly shot. He’d received it even at camp– everyone older than fourteen had lined up at the health office and held their arms out for the nurse. 

It’s a part of his life Yujin is so used to that he doesn’t even think about it. The pills, the injections, the dislike for wolves even after they’ve been extinct for generations– it’s all deeply ingrained in him.

But these people on his laptop screen are saying something different. They are telling him that there’s a different way to live, that the doctors and the politicians and the behavioral therapists were all wrong. 

“Our natural instincts aren’t a bad thing,” Chaewon tells the camera, her eyes shining with sincerity even as her friends drape themselves around her. “What we’ve been told all our lives– it isn’t true. Scenting, forming mating bonds, becoming part of a pack– these are all things that bring people together. And what could be more beautiful than that?”

Dojun nods along with her, all of them seeming to agree with her words. “We’ve been lied to our whole lives,” he tells the screen, looking sad. “We’ve been told that staying apart, forming only monogamous relationships and denying our inner selves is the best way to live. But that’s a cold, sad existence in my opinion. We’re shutting ourselves off from other people and we’ve gotten so used to it that we don’t even notice how lonely we really are.”

Taeyeong speaks up for the first time, leaning into Jeonsung’s shoulder as if he needs support. “I was really depressed,” he tells the camera quietly, “for most of my life. It started in high school when I was craving connection and friendship– I wanted to bond with people but I just couldn’t.”

“Or you didn’t know how to,” Jeonsung says, frowning, “because of how our society teaches us to interact with other people.”

“I think it was my inner wolf,” Taeyeong agrees, nodding, “my instincts. I was craving things I didn’t understand and that I had been told were wrong my entire life– until I met my pack.”

The five of them share a smile, something warm and sweet on their faces that Yujin feels like he maybe shouldn’t be seeing. 

“We all felt that way,” Dojun agrees, leaning back against the couch. He has one hand wrapped around Mirae’s, the other rubbing circles on Taeyeong’s knee. “We were all lonely and craving connection but we thought we were alone in our feelings because our society and our government tell us we shouldn’t need other people like that.”

“But we found each other!” Mirae says cheerfully, clearly trying to lift the serious air. “And we’re officially a pack!”

Dojun laughs and everyone else on the screen smiles and Yujin feels his own lips twitch up in response. Despite his continued confusion he finds the five of them very sweet; they obviously really care about and love each other. 

Dojun nods, squeezing Mirae’s hand as he looks back at the camera. “It’s been a long process, you guys,” he says, “and I’m not going to lie, it hasn’t been easy either. But if any of you watching this video feel the same– lonely, or like you want more from your relationships– then subscribe to our channel down below and come with us on our journey to establishing our pack.”

“Don’t forget to like our video and leave a comment!” Mirae calls as Chaewon gets up and approaches the video, clearly intending to cut the camera. “And enable notifications!”

Everyone on the couch giggles, Dojun playfully growling at Mirae as he drags her into his lap, and Chaewon grins at the camera even as she waves goodbye. 

The video ends on a pleasant scene, all five young adults smiling and laughing together. They’re still wrapped around each other, holding on tight, and they look happy. 

Yujin blinks his dry eyes and immediately subscribes to their channel, curious beyond belief. He wants to know more. He wants to know about how they met, wants to know what it means to be in a pack, wants to know if they’re right and if everyone really has been lying to him and the rest of the people on earth. 

Clicking on their channel he scrolls through their videos, noticing they have an entire section labeled Pack. There are at least twelve videos and Yujin scrolls through to the oldest one, dated two years ago. 

The video is titled Our Future Packmates and he eagerly presses play, settling down a little deeper into his nest of blankets and pillows.

Over the next few hours Yujin’s snacks melt and go cold, completely forgotten as he watches video after video. His wide, shiny eyes soak up every bit of information about the pack and he grows more and more interested as he consumes the channel's content. 

By the time Yujin runs out of videos to watch, his head is stuffed with new information and he has more questions than answers. Still, he’s learned a lot and he can feel a new fixation brewing in the back of his brain. 

Slipping out of bed he cracks his stiff back and throws away the tub of ice cream soup, wrinkling his nose at the cold fries. Yujin goes to the bathroom and then raids the enormous fridge in the shadowy, echoing kitchen for more food, humming to himself to chase away the fear of being alone in the dark. 

Back in his room he locks the door and turns on the bedside lamp, his eyes aching and a little gritty from staring at the computer all day. He doesn’t care, though– he has research to do.

Opening his laptop again, Yujin sits back against the pillows and cracks open a blank notebook. Clicking a glittery blue pen, he types a long string of words into Google and then gets down to work, pile of snacks once again forgotten as the hours pass and night falls.

♡♡♡

Yujin researches and takes notes until he can’t keep his eyes open anymore and in the morning he wakes with his dead laptop tucked under his leg, faint smudges of blue glitter along one cheek. 

Not even bothering to shower or use the bathroom, Yujin pulls up Amazon on his phone and starts to add items to his basket. He pays for same-day shipping without looking at the cost of everything and then slides out of bed, heading to take a shower even as his brain whirs and whirs.

A pack. Yujin had watched several videos about the concept, from historians and cultural scientists as well as the few fringe people brave enough to put their own experiences online. 

He’d googled the term and skimmed scientific papers and ordered two history books on the topic. Then he’d moved on to pop culture– songs, TV shows, movies, and even some really old epic poems. 

As he steps under the spray of hot, perfectly pressurized water in his enormous shower, Yujin feels a flare of satisfaction. His research certainly isn’t done but he has a grasp on the general concepts mentioned in the first video now– he has a starting place.

A pack. A group of people, at least three and able to go up to– well, Yujin isn’t really sure. His sources had disagreed over the maximum number of people allowed to be in a pack, but one history paper said the largest recorded pack contained at least two hundred members.

Yujin isn’t sure if he believes that paper, despite the prestigious university name attached to the publication page. 

A pack. A group of people, bound together by choice and some sort of ritual– again, the academic sources had disagreed here but the YouTube pack had said simply living together for a period of time, doing something called scenting every day, and then biting one another had done the trick. Yujin doesn’t like the idea of biting anyone, not when humans carry so many germs on their skin and there’s a plethora of blood borne diseases out there, but he can see how the mark would tie people together in the same way ancient mating marks did. It’s all the same kind of idea. 

A pack. A group of people, bound together by choice, living in the same space as a family or lovers or something in between. 

Yujin’s YouTube pack had explained in the second most recent video that they’re polyamorous– they are all in a romantic relationship with each other and share love and kisses freely. But they’d also said that not every pack is like them and that there are many different types of relationships a pack can have; it all depends on what the members mutually decide. 

Yujin thinks he’s okay with that. He’s only sixteen and not interested in romantic partners yet– the appeal of a pack for him lies in the concept of a chosen family. 

People he could choose, who would also choose him back. A family built entirely by him, a family of choice where love would always overflow and the pack home would never be quiet or empty.

Arms to comfort Yujin when he’s scared of the dark or has a bad dream, hands to soothe away the loneliness that he’s been raised with. People who would ask about his day and come to his soccer games and a family table they could all sit around and eat at together. Group movie nights and the knowledge that he wouldn’t ever have to be alone again or go anywhere alone ever again.

Love. That’s what the YouTubers had said– that a pack is love and family and affection. A pack is a choice to give love and to be loved, an announcement to the world that you’d found your people and had decided to keep them.

Yujin shuts off the water and steps out into the steamy bathroom, wrapping an enormous towel around himself. His head feels a little quieter but still he can’t wait for his supplies to arrive so he can organize his research and really begin his planning. 

It’s the beginning of August now and Yujin has until September, when his school starts again, to do whatever he wants. It was part of the deal he’d negotiated with his parents when he’d agreed to the STEM camp that lasted all of June and July. 

A month– a whole month. Yujin thinks that will be more than enough time to find out everything he needs to know about packs and decide on a plan of action.

Singing softly under his breath he gets dressed in his comfiest, baggiest clothes and messily dries his hair with the towel. Stepping out into the bedroom Yujin picks up his phone, a little starburst sparkling in his chest when he sees a notification from the YouTubers.

Throwing himself atop his rumpled bed, Yujin sends a text to their private chef asking for chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and then taps on the video. Propping his sharp chin on his hands he settles down to watch, his round eyes wide and alert as he absorbs every bit of information from the newly formed pack that he can.

After all, if he wants to start his own pack he needs to gather advice and instructions on how to do it from somewhere.

♡♡♡

Yujin barely pauses in his research to eat the fluffy, overly sweet but perfectly prepared pancakes. He downs his suppressant pill with a glass of milk and then retreats to his room without a single word to their private chef or the cleaners who are going about their tasks.

It’s strange how Yujin can live in a house so full of people and still feel completely alone.

Back in his room he flips through his notebook and clicks on another YouTube channel, this one run by a family pack– he’s learned packs are usually referred to as family packs or romantic packs.

Family packs usually include at least one monogamous couple, although sometimes several, with children. They can expand to include their children’s mates and children, or to add in more mated couples. Family packs can also simply be a collection of people with purely platonic bonds. Romantic packs, however, are usually polyamorous or include pairings of multiple members.

It’s all a little confusing still but Yujin thinks he’s starting to get the hang of the terminology packs use and as he does, a whole new world is slowly opening up to him.

This family pack lives deep in the woods, “off grid”, and claim that they’ve even been able to achieve a low level of shifting by eschewing the suppressant pills and cycle injections for several years now. The main couple of the pack refer to themselves as mates, and the man claims to be an alpha while his wife says her subgender is omega. 

It’s all very intriguing. Yujin watches one video after another, attentively taking notes, more and more new information soaking into his brain as if it’s a sponge. 

He takes a break to slip downstairs and eat the plate of food that’s been left out for him– a salad full of kale and sunflower seeds and cauliflower. His mother must have received a text from their chef, then. 

Yujin sighs and chews on his nasty pieces of grass like an obedient calf and thinks longingly of fried onion rings smothered in ketchup. He knows he can’t order delivery because his mother will be on the lookout after his unhealthy breakfast and splurge yesterday. 

His parents are strange like that. They don’t care at all about the important bits of Yujin’s life or his emotional well-being, but if he eats a hamburger or even looks at a piece of candy they implement a greens-only diet and lock his cards so he can’t buy any other food. It’s the same way they barely even know he plays soccer yet meticulously track his grades and send him to academic camps during every summer vacation. 

Yujin hates them.

Deep down inside he thinks he used to love them, once, back when he was very small and they couldn’t force him to be anything other than a baby yet. But ever since he was old enough to walk and talk and represent the family, they started to shape him in the image of a son they had in their heads and Yujin started to hate them. 

It’s just the way it is. This is Yujin’s relationship with his parents– distant, cold, angry. Resentful. 

He doesn’t care about them and he’s almost certain they don’t care about him. He knows his parents view him as an asset, a possession, a thing they can mold and move about like a chess game and use to their advantage in the future. For Yujin, he sees his parents as a business relationship– he gives them good grades and obedience and they give him money and all sorts of advantages in life. 

For now, it works. For now, Yujin will stay. But he’s known for several years that escaping on his eighteenth birthday should be his priority. Finding out about packs, and the legal ramifications of joining one, has simply moved his escape plan up by a few years. 

That’s another bit of gold he’s gleaned from his research– possibly the best discovery of all. The original YouTube pack he’d found had mentioned it in passing and then Yujin had spent twenty minutes desperately typing increasingly specific sentences into Google, clicking on useless link after useless link.

Finally he’d stumbled upon a website from the South Korean government that looked as if it had been created in 2005. It contained very little text and only had three affiliate links, one of which didn’t work, but it did briefly cover the laws concerning packs and pack membership. 

Any pack member, the website had read, regardless of age, is considered a legal member of the pack alpha’s line. Mated pairs or groups are listed as each other's family members but legally belong to the pack alpha’s line. Any children or pack members below the age of maturity are affiliated first with their parents within the pack while the pack alpha remains their joint legal guardian.

The website had been confusing and not incredibly informative and there was a lot of legal mumbo-jumbo at the bottom of the page that Yujin hadn’t understood at all. But after reading that particular passage over and over, and googling several words just to be sure of the definition, hope had blossomed in his chest. 

Yujin thinks what the website had said in such obfuscating language was that if he were to be part of a pack, the alpha of that pack would become his legal guardian. The idea had sparked an entire world of possibilities in his head and Yujin had taken and then printed a screenshot of the website for his whiteboard, grinning all the while. 

When he was younger and his parents had ordered his first stiff suit for him and then dragged him off to a press conference, Yujin had begun to research legal emancipation. 

Unfortunately, there wasn’t quite anything his parents had solidly done that he could point to in court– lack of affection was hard to prove to a judge when all his material needs were met. 

And besides, his parents have very good lawyers. Yujin knows this well; his parents are always paying them lots of money to squash lawsuits from victims of their many companies. Sometimes those victims find their address and protest outside their house and then Yujin’s parents use those very good lawyers to send the unfortunate people to prison.

So while legal emancipation might no longer be an option, joining a pack could lessen Yujin’s sentence in this cold mansion by two years. And besides, he thinks he would like to be part of a pack anyways so really it’s a win-win situation. 

He spends several happy hours continuing his research, though the pages of scrawled notes in his notebook don't grow very much. He’s started to exhaust the most easily available sources. 

Yujin happily runs down the great spiraling wooden staircase when he receives the notification from Amazon that his packages have arrived, bouncing on his toes in the foyer. 

Their butler, Mr. Oh, has to be the one to unlock the door but he’s so used to Yujin receiving packages that he hands them over right away. Really the security protocol states that any packages or mail should be inspected first for safety concerns, but Yujin hasn’t died because of an online order yet and he’s too impatient to follow that rule when his parents are away. 

He asks Mr. Oh to carry the biggest package– the whiteboard– up to his room and then hauls everything else up the stairs himself, huffing and puffing all the while.

Mr. Oh gives him a perfunctory bow before retreating but Yujin doesn’t even notice, too busy tearing open the brown cardboard boxes. At long last he is alone and, now that his materials are here, he can really get down to work.

He’d ordered an enormous, double sided free standing whiteboard and expo markers in thirty different colors. There are stacks of sticky notes and colorful tape and a ball of red yarn. There are magnets and pushpins and even a magnifying glass just because Yujin had liked the look of it. 

Satisfied, he sits back on his heels and surveys everything spread out before him. The whiteboard is perfectly blank, the sticky notes and markers and yarn all yet to be used– for now.

“Okay, Yujin,” he whispers to himself, picking up the large magnifying glass and hefting the weight of it in his hand. “Let’s build a pack.”

♡♡♡

Yujin steps out of the large black car on his first day of school, inhaling crisp September air and enjoying the perfect blue sky. A brand new backpack, filled with fresh notebooks and pens, is slung over his shoulders and his uniform is perfectly pressed. 

He waves goodbye to his driver and sets off towards the entrance to his school, a bounce to his step. 

Yujin had spent the entire month of August researching and planning and then researching some more. He’d read the historical books and then ordered five more and he’d contacted several of the authors of the most helpful academic papers. He’d filled two notebooks with information and then carefully compared all his notes, highlighting similarities and starting a list of questions to ask– someone. 

He’d continued to watch every video uploaded by the YouTube pack and even surreptitiously managed to donate some money in his own form of silent support. He’d set up his white board and kept one side for all his research while the other was left ready and waiting, only the words My Pack written at the very top.

Yujin had finalized his plan in the last days of August and even as their housekeeper had delivered his new uniform and informed him that he would be taking French lessons this year, he had continued his preparations. His research is as complete as it can be– Yujin has reached theoretical saturation and now he gets to do the best part; put his plan into action. 

Humming happily he skips through the bright hallways past famous works of art and marble busts of long dead school presidents, ignoring the designer backpacks and golden jewelry that flashes in the sunshine. 

In the early hours of the night before, he’d finally settled on a rough estimate for how many pack members he wants to collect. He knows he needs at least two other people but Yujin, having grown up rich, is of the opinion that bigger is better. 

He certainly doesn’t want two hundred packmates like that one historical pack but he thinks somewhere around six or seven members would be enough. Yujin likes the idea of a noisy home and lots of people to play with and cuddle him very much. 

He stops at his locker and twirls the dial, transferring some of his new supplies to the upper shelf and sneaking some of the candy he always stores for himself. School is a place his parents rarely invade and so he feels free to indulge his sugar cravings here. 

Yujin glances around the busy hallway as he chews on blue raspberry gummy sharks, studying his peers more closely than he usually would. 

Any of them could become his packmates. That’s a crucial element of packs Yujin has learned from research and that most of his sources agree on– good packs are founded on mutual affection and trust and desire. He can’t just take any random person and form a pack with them; there needs to be a bond between them and between all of the members. 

Yujin had been a little annoyed by this fact at first but he’s slowly come around to it. It would have been nice to have a pack filled with geniuses and talented people and very rich celebrities, but they might not have all gotten along.

Yujin understands now that a chosen family doesn’t consider any of those things; all that matters is that the members love and trust and cherish one another. 

So he has to be ready and alert at all times because his future pack members could be anywhere. 

The YouTube pack had stressed the fact that they met each other by accident but that, as they got to know one another and became closer, everything about the five of them just felt right. They didn’t choose the wealthiest or the smartest or the most distinguished people for their pack; they chose the people who felt like family and who were willing to be together forever. 

Yujin can’t treat finding his pack members like an application for a job. His pack members could come from anywhere, could be any age or race or nationality. They could be anyone and so Yujin, wherever he goes, has to be ready to find them and hold onto them. 

Squeezing the lucky rabbit plushie keychain he keeps in his locker, Yujin shuts the door and heads off towards his first class. He isn’t dreading school for once and he holds his head high, scanning each face he passes because any of these people could be his packmate.

♡♡♡

Yujin climbs into his driver's car at the end of the day, disgruntled and tired. He hasn’t found anyone in any of his classes who seemed like a viable packmate. To be fair, he’s known and gone to school with the same people his whole life and so if he already doesn’t have friends, he doubts he’s going to suddenly find people among his peers that he wants to legally tie himself to for the rest of his life. 

“Home, sir?” His driver asks and Yujin grumbles in agreement, sinking lower in the plush leather seat. It isn’t as if he could really ask to go anywhere else, not with his bodyguard sitting in the car beside him.

Yujin sometimes thinks his bodyguard, Mr. Jeon, has spent more time with Yujin and knows more about him than his own parents do. If only the grim faced man would lighten up and allow Yujin to have some fun every once in a while– then maybe he would like him.

Back in his room Yujin sheds his school uniform in favor of sweatpants and a fluffy green sweater, throwing his backpack aside. He has no intention of doing his homework. 

He stands in front of his whiteboard, studying the empty side and all the unfilled space that is simply an enormous question mark. Who will his pack members be? What will they be like? What will their names be? Will he love them as much as the YouTube packs seem to love each other? Will they love him back? 

Yujin sleeps restlessly that night and dreams of laughter and overlapping voices, faceless bodies gathered around a table laden with food and an arm laid across his shoulders. He cries into the sink as he brushes his teeth the following morning but when he enters his school, his heart is full of renewed hope. 

I’m going to do it , Yujin thinks fiercely, striding down the marble hallways and staring into every face he passes. I’m going to find my packmates and we’re going to live happily ever after. 

♡♡♡

September slips into October and Yujin has yet to find a single person to join his pack. Instead, he isn’t chosen for the varsity soccer team and he starts to fail his literature and composition class. 

“It’s not my fault,” Yujin says stiffly into the phone one early November evening, the sky already a dark navy outside the enormous floor to ceiling windows of their main living room. A fire crackles in the fireplace and there’s a soft blanket spread over his lap, but his mother’s tone is more than enough to thoroughly freeze him. “All the books are boring, and really long.” 

“Han Yujin,” his mother replies crisply, the sound of heels on stone flickering faintly through the phone, “stop making excuses. It is unacceptable for you to fail. Your tutor begins tomorrow– do not disappoint us.”

She hangs up with a click, the phone going dark and silent in Yujin’s hand. He makes a whimpering sound and flings it across the room, uncaring when it hits one of the glass windows because he knows it won’t break. The glass is bulletproof and he can always buy another phone.

Curling up on the enormous couch and pillowing his cheek on his hand, Yujin watches the flickering of the flames. He needs something to take his mind off his horrible parents and the monotony of Shakespeare and the still-empty whiteboard languishing in his room. 

Making another sad sound, he opens YouTube on his phone and clicks on his favorite pack’s channel, smiling as Mirae and Dojun and everyone else appear on screen. It’s a video he’s already watched, lighthearted and silly as they argue over how to decorate their new packhouse, but it warms his chest anyways.

Someday soon, Yujin thinks determinedly as he watches the pack laugh and hug and splash paint on each other, someday soon that will be me and my pack. I’ll find them.

♡♡♡

Yujin drags his feet as he enters his house the next afternoon, dreading meeting his tutor and the time he’ll have to spend actually understanding ancient plays. He waves hello to Mr. Oh and neatly sidesteps a departing cleaner on his way to the formal dining room where he’s always met all his tutors before.

Peeking around the doorway he sees someone sitting at the end of the long oak dining table, their dark head bowed. His tutor appears to be male, which makes sense– his parents seem to forget he’s only sixteen and have never allowed him female tutors or bodyguards. 

Annoyed, tired, and a little hungry, Yujin loudly shuffles over to the table and sinks into a seat two spaces away from his tutor. He can’t be too rude, though, and so he sighs and says, “hi. I’m Yujin.”

The tutor raises his head and looks at Yujin, his hands already folded atop the table. The tutor is very pretty but his ears are a little strange– almost shaped like crumpled butterfly wings– and he has a cute mole under one eye.

“Hello, Yujin,” the tutor says and there’s something strange about his Korean, a lilt to the words that shouldn’t be there. “My name is Zhang Hao. I’m going to be helping you with your literature homework from now on.”

“Yes, I know,” Yujin says, pouting a little. He scrapes his nail over the glossy surface of the table, already uncomfortable in the stiff chair. The formal dining room is dark and decorated in somber colors, heavy drapes blocking out the lights and priceless hunting oil paintings hung on the walls. “My parents told me.”

Zhang Hao studies him for a moment, tapping his fingers where they rest on the table. “It’s nice to meet you, Yujin-ah,” he says in that same soft voice. “Would you like to eat something before we begin?”

Yujin looks up, surprised. It’s as if Zhang Hao has read his mind– or perhaps just heard his grumbling belly. “Yes please,” he agrees excitedly, jumping up. He goes over to Zhang Hao and wraps his hands around the older boy's thin wrist, tugging insistently. “Come with me, Hao-hyung?” 

“Ah, oh,” Zhang Hao says, startled, but he allows Yujin to pull him out of the horribly dark dining room and into the much brighter and more cheerful kitchen. It’s a room Yujin’s parents never frequent and he thinks that’s why he likes it so much. 

He raids the fridge until there’s an assortment of cheese cubes and dips and fancy little breadsticks set out before them. He thinks they might be called crostini but also– who cares. 

Yujin sits at the kitchen island and crunches on breadsticks and he makes a pouty face at Zhang Hao until the older boy settles beside him. They eat the food together and Zhang Hao tentatively asks Yujin about school and if he plays any sports and what his hobbies are. 

“I play soccer,” Yujin tells him excitedly, straightening up a little. “I love it, it’s so fun! But I’m only on the JV team.”

He shoves six cheese cubes in his mouth, not wanting to talk anymore. He’s still stinging at the fact that he didn’t make the varsity team even though he knows it’s uncommon for sophomores. 

“Hmm,” Zhang Hao says, spearing an olive with a toothpick. “I’m sure you tried your hardest, Yujin-ah, and that’s what really matters. And just think of JV as good preparation for next year's tryouts.” 

“I guess,” Yujin agrees, swinging his feet where they dangle off the tall chair. 

“Do your parents go to your games often?” Zhang Hao asks him curiously. “I’m sure they’re proud of you no matter which team you play on.”

Yujin snorts, reaching for more cheese. “Never,” he says and his voice sounds bitter even to his ears, “they don’t care. I don’t think they even know I play soccer.”

“Ah,” Zhang Hao says and then there’s just a few quiet minutes of chewing. Yujin doesn’t mind– his parents’ indifference to his existence stings most late at night or on his birthday but he’s determined that by this time next year he’ll be free of them and living with his pack. 

“Well,” Zhang Hao says quietly, twisting in his chair to look at Yujin. His eyes are dark and fringed by very long lashes; really, he’s quite pretty. “If you tell me when your games are, I’ll come cheer for you. I’d like to see you play.”

Yujin swallows his mouthful of cheese all at once and swivels to face Zhang Hao, unsure if the older boy is actually serious. “Really? Why would you do that?” 

Zhang Hao hums, eating another olive, though he doesn’t look away from Yujin. “I like soccer,” he says simply, and apparently that’s enough for both of them. 

They finish their snack in easy silence and when Yujin climbs off his chair, heaving his backpack up, Zhang Hao lays a warm hand on his arm. 

“Yujin-ah,” he says softly, “how about we study in here today? The kitchen has much better lighting.” 

“Sure, hyung,” Yujin agrees and he sits back down with a smile as Zhang Hao opens his worn copy of Macbeth. Maybe studying literature with Zhang Hao as his tutor won’t be so bad after all.

♡♡♡

Yujin’s first game of the season takes place two weeks later and sure enough, when he scans the stands of his school's cheering section, Zhang Hao is there. The older boy, who Yujin has learned is in the first year of his Master’s degree for literature studies, is bundled up in several layers of clothing. 

Yujin waves wildly and Zhang Hao waves just as wildly in return and there’s that same warm feeling in Yujin’s chest as he returns to his team that he always gets when the older boy is around. Zhnag Hao is a wonderful tutor, kind and patient and willing to give Yujin lots of breaks, but he’s also a wonderful person. 

He listens to Yujin talk about his day and he asks him lots of questions– about what he ate for lunch, about his teammates and their coach, about Yujin’s favorite TV shows and the music he likes. Zhang Hao understands when Yujin wants to be quiet and he’s playful with him when the boy is hyper with sugar, poking him and pinching his cheeks even as he gently teases him. 

Zhang Hao noticed when he got sick the eighth day of their tutoring sessions and it was Zhang Hao who brought him up to his room and tucked him into bed with a hot water bottle. Zhang Hao makes him delicious herbal tea and he cooks grilled cheese sandwiches with lots of butter for Yujin when he asks for a snack and he always hugs the younger boy goodbye. 

Zhang Hao is an amazing hyung and the best tutor Yujin has ever had and spending time with him is the highlight of the teenager’s day. He likes to hear about Zhang Hao’s life too, likes to listen to him explain his classes and complain about his messy roommate and simply describe normal life. 

Yujin has only asked about Zhang Hao’s family once but the older boy had gone very quiet and then simply said that he isn’t in contact with them anymore. He had looked so sad that Yujin had spontaneously started a game of hide and seek and run away, giggling wildly as he called out for his tutor to find him. 

Now he jogs across the green turf alongside his team, a brisk October wind whipping their hair about and plastering his shorts to his legs. Yujin shivers and thinks longingly of Zhang Hao and how warm the older boy's hugs are. 

Today they’re playing a public school, which is rare, but their JV team is good enough and so Yujin tries not to be too presumptuous as he lines up to shake hands with all their team members. 

He passes boy after boy, shaking their hands, and only startles a little when two loudly laughing boys grasp his fingers together. Yujin shoots them an annoyed look, taking in how they’re still whispering to each other and giggling, then continues to the next person in line.

The game goes well– Yujin plays in the middle of the field which means he has to run a lot but he’s good at it and he likes the burning feeling in his calves and chest. He assists several times and does some fancy footwork to avoid tripping and he completely outruns the other team to get the ball and send it rolling down the field. 

They win 5-4 and although it isn’t the best victory margin, Yujin is still happy. His cheeks are flushed and there’s sweat dripping down his back even as he shivers, but he extricates himself from the tight team huddle to race towards the stands. 

The bleachers are very sparsely populated, only a few people remaining through the ominous gray sky and chilly breezes, but Zhang Hao is like a glowing beacon to Yujin. He thunders up the bleachers, making them creak ominously under his cleats but he can’t care about that when he flings himself into Zhang Hao’s waiting arms. 

“Yujin-ah, you did so well,” Zhang Hao croons, rubbing his back and holding him close. “You played like a professional! Just like that guy you like– Message? Macaroni?”

“Messi, hyung,” Yujin corrects, laughing and glowing with happiness. He burrows deeper into Zhang Hao’s embrace, enjoying the citrusy smell of the older boy and the softness of his coat against Yujin’s cheek. “You thought I played well? Really?” 

“Stop fishing for compliments,” Zhang Hao scolds but there’s no heat in his voice, only fondness. He’s still holding Yujin close, practically in his lap. “And yes, I thought you played very well. I’m so proud of you!”

“Did you see the assists I made?” Yujin asks eagerly, wriggling with happiness. He pulls his face out of Zhang Hao’s neck and looks at him, tugging at the fabric of the older boy's coat. “Did you, hyung? I ran really fast, did you see that too? Didn’t I tell you how fast I am, hyung?”

Zhang Hao laughs, cupping Yujin’s rosy face between his mitten hands. “Yes, Yujin-ah,” he agrees, his dark eyes sparkling, “I saw everything. You ran as fast as a cheetah and your assists were perfect– your team is lucky to have you. My talented dongsaeng.”

Yujin rolls his eyes a little but he’s secretly incredibly pleased. “‘M faster than a cheetah, hyung-ah,” he complains, “I could totally beat one in a race.”

“Yes,” Zhang Hao agrees, squishing Yujin’s cheeks between his hands until the younger boy makes an unhappy sound, “you totally could.”

Yujin lays his cold hands against Zhang Hao’s neck in retaliation and the older boy shrieks a little, startling at the cold touch on his warm skin. 

“Yujin-ah, you’re freezing! You need to warm up right now or you’ll get sick!” 

He pulls hand warmers out of his pockets and pushes them into Yujin’s palms, folding the younger boy's fingers around the little squares. Then Zhang Hao takes off his coat and drapes it over Yujin’s shoulders, enveloping him in warmth and the smell of his hyung. 

“Ah, my poor baby,” Zhang Hao says, standing up and tucking Yujin close against his side. He starts to guide the younger boy down the bleachers, wind whipping at their hair. “So cold from playing so hard! We need to get you warmed up– hyung will buy you cocoa, Yujinnie.”

Yujin, his frozen hands thawing because of the little squares tucked into his palms, stares up at Zhang Hao with stars in his eyes. He isn’t even paying attention where they’re walking, trusting Zhang Hao to guide him safely. 

“Okay, hyung,” he agrees softly, nuzzling into the cozy, familiar warmth of the older boy and the arm he has draped over Yujin’s shoulder. “Cocoa sounds good.”

♡♡♡

They end up in the closest coffee shop, Zhang Hao pushing Yujin down into a comfortable armchair and telling him to stay there because hyung will order.

Yujin sighs, luxuriating in the warmth of the shop and being cared for, and slowly peels off the older boy's coat. He spends a few minutes on his phone, liking his team members' Instagram stories about their win, and lets his coach know he’s made it safely home. 

His coach doesn’t need to know that home , in this case, means Zhang Hao. 

The older boy returns, walking carefully as he balances two enormous mugs of cocoa topped with whipped cream and cinnamon. He laughs when he catches sight of Yujin, the teenager making grabby hands for the treat. 

“Your eyes lit up,” Zhang Hao tells him as he hands Yujin the hot mug. 

“Hyung, thank you,” Yujin says happily, licking at the tower of whipped cream. “It’s so good!” 

He looks up and Zhang Hao laughs again, leaning across the small table between them to wipe something off Yujin’s cheek. “Cute, Yujinnie,” he sighs, sipping his own drink. “How did I get so lucky to end up tutoring you?” 

Yujin squirms in his armchair, pleasantly flushed, and drinks more cocoa even though it burns his tongue a little. 

Loud laughter draws his attention to the entrance of the coffee shop where two boys have just entered and are pulling their coats and scarves off. Yujin frowns when he sees them– they’re the boys who shook his hand together on the field and annoyed him. 

Zhang Hao notices his frown and follows his gaze to the boys who are now ordering at the counter. They’re both tall and dark haired, definitely older than Yujin. 

“Do you know them?” Zhang Hao asks curiously, though there’s a sharp glint in his eyes. 

“Not really,” Yujin says, sending them one last glare and then turning away. “They’re on the team we just played.”

“Hmm,” Zhang Hao says, still staring at the boys. “Did they hurt you during the game?” 

“What? No, hyung– of course not!” 

“Good,” Zhang Hao says, taking another sip of cocoa and then smiling at Yujin. “Because they’re coming over here.”

Yujin makes an unattractive squawking sound but before he can say anything or run away and hide, the two boys appear beside their table. Yujin has to crane his head back to look up at them which makes him annoyed, but also it would be weird to look up. 

“Hello,” Zhang Hao says pleasantly, smiling like a traitor. “Can we help you?” 

“Hi,” the taller boy says, bowing a little and glancing at Zhang Hao before turning to Yujin. “We just wanted to say you played really well. Good game.”

And he holds his hand out to Yujin, an easy grin on his face. Everything about this boy seems easy, from his shaggy hair to his comfortable clothing and the relaxed way he’s standing. The boy beside him seems a little more in order, his hair neatly cut, but he’s large and confident too. 

Feeling as small as a mouse, Yujin reaches up and carefully shakes the other boy's much larger hand. “Thanks,” he says quietly, a little touched despite himself. “You too.”

The boy grins and scratches his head, maybe a little bashful. “We trained really hard,” he says, “but you guys were still better. Maybe next time.”

Yujin nods slightly and then hunches his shoulders, feeling awkward. He has no idea what to say next but the boys are just standing there, maybe a little awkward too if the way they’re shuffling their feet is any indication. 

“Would you like to sit down?” Zhang Hao asks suddenly, dodging the horrified look Yujin sends him. “There’s lots of space.”

The tall boys glance at each other and then somehow they’ve dragged armchairs over and are settling down at the table on either side of Yujin, their drinks set upon the table. Zhang Hao looks as pleased as a cat with a saucerful of cream and Yujin– Yujin is trapped.

He also is going to have to murder his favorite tutor and then go through the vexing process of being scolded by his mother; life is so tiring sometimes. 

“My name is Zhang Hao,” the older boy says, seemingly completely relaxed. He smiles at the strangers, warm and friendly, and really, didn’t anyone ever teach him about stranger danger?  “It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Gyuvin,” the shaggy boy says, grinning, “this is my best friend, Gunwook.” 

“You go to St. Mary’s?” Zhang Hao asks, sliding the box of cookies he and Yujin had been sharing into easy reach of Gyuvin and Gunwook. Yujin shoots him a death glare. 

“I’m a junior,” Gunwook volunteers, nodding. He takes a cookie and bites into it; Yujin thinks about calling the police to report a theft. “Gyuvin-hyung’s a senior.”

“Wonderful!” Zhang Hao exclaims, smiling wider than ever. “Yujin-ah is a sophomore. He says you met on the field?”

Both boys turn to Yujin and he gives them a weak smile, squishing himself lower in his armchair. “I’m Yujin,” he says unnecessarily, wishing this wasn’t happening. “Hi.”

“Cool,” Gyuvin says enthusiastically, shoving another cookie into his mouth and getting crumbs everywhere. Yujin mourns the box of almost empty cookies. “Do you want to join our club?”

“ Yes, ” Zhang Hao says before Yujin can even open his mouth, “he absolutely does. What is it?”

Yujin sends the older boy his most poisonous look yet but someone Zhang Hao manages to avoid it by sipping his cocoa and blinking innocently at the ceiling. 

“It’s an environmental activism club!” Gunwook says excitedly, bouncing a little in his armchair. He grins at Yujin, wide and shining, and there’s something of the sun in his smile. “We plant trees and ask people to recycle and stuff! We really need more members.”

“It’s actually fun,” Gyuvin tells him, ignoring the huff of air Gunwook lets out. “And we can play soccer together when we get bored of asking people to save the sea turtles.”

“That sounds very educational,” Zhang Hao agrees approvingly, only the very corner of his mouth twitching. He sets down his mug and tugs Yujin’s phone out of his limp hands, offering it to Gunwook. “Yujinnie will be there– just give him your number or take his, whatever works.”

Yujin watches in mild horror as Gyuvin types Yujin’s number into his phone and then sends him a text, both older boys pleased and giving him bright smiles. 

“Great!” Gyuvin says, getting to his feet and picking up his empty mug. “We meet every Wednesday after school– we’ll text you everything?”

“Okay,” Yujin mumbles weakly, wondering if it’s too late to ask his parents about boarding school in England. “I’ll be there.”

“Bye, Yujin-ah!” Gunwook calls, waving to him as the two boys leave the coffee shop. “See you on Wednesday!”

Yujin gulps down the rest of his cocoa and then makes a high pitched sound, going limp and floppy in his armchair. He closes his eyes and presses his fingers over his face, wishing it was acceptable to scream in public above the age of five. 

“Hyung,” he whines, high pitched and reedy. “Why would you do that? You know I hate social interaction.”

“Hmm,” Zhang Hao says, not sounding remorseful at all. There’s a loud clink as he sets his mug on the table. “They seemed nice, Yujin-ah. You never know. Give them a chance?” 

“No,” Yujin protests, already knowing full well that he’ll be right on time for the meeting on Wednesday. “No, I’m not going. You can’t make me.”

Zhang Hao makes a cooing sort of sound and reaches over to pat Yujin’s knee. “Sure, Yujinnie,” he agrees amicably, “whatever you say.”

♡♡♡

Yujin grumbles about it as he walks out of school on Wednesday and sends Zhang Hao several pouty texts and crying faces but he still tells his driver to head towards St. Mary’s school instead of the mansion. 

He’s already cleared the environmental club with his parents and although they hadn’t loved the cause– how about a nice financial investment club, Yujin – they’d agreed it would look good on his college applications. 

Yujin stares gloomily out the tinted car window as they wind through the streets, dreading his future that is sure to be full of compost and worms and mud. 

A bright green sign catches his attention and he sits up. “Wait,” he says hurriedly, clutching the back of the driver's seat, “wait, turn right– I want to go to Starbucks, please .”

His driver sighs but does as he’s told, pulling into the empty parking lot. Yujin bounces in his seat, suddenly excited, and turns to Mr. Jeon.

“Can I go in alone?” He asks, trying to look as innocent as possible. “I just want to get coffee– would you and Mr. Kim like some too?”

Both men soften a little at his offer and soon Yujin is stepping through the door, high on success and freedom and the imminent promise of sugar. The Starbucks is practically empty, no one in line, and so he takes his time reading over the menu and thinking about what Gunwook and Gyuvin would like. 

“Hi,” Yujin greets at last, stepping up to the counter and beaming at the tall, pretty barista. His name tag says Hanbin and he smiles back at Yujin, adorable dimples creasing the tops of his cheeks. 

“Can I please have two venti black coffees?” Yujin asks, teetering a little on his toes. He chews on his bottom lip, considering a moment more. “And an iced chai latte, also venti?”

“Sure,” the barista says easily, tapping at the order screen. “Anything else?”

“Yes please,” Yujin says and then he hesitates, unsure. He really has no idea what the boys might like and he’s never been good at making decisions. 

He blinks up at Hanbin, worried and nervous and feeling bad about taking so long to choose. “Um,” he says, feeling a little shy, “um, I’m sorry, but can you help me?”

The barista does a cute nose scrunch and nods, his dimples still visible. “Would you like help figuring out what you want?”

“ Yes ,” Yujin says, relieved that the barista understands. “I’m– I’m meeting two new people today and I think they might want to be friends so I want to bring them a present but I have no idea what they like.”

He finishes his word vomit and looks at Hanbin imploringly, biting his bottom lip and pouting hard. The barista thankfully doesn’t laugh, just nods like this is really serious and considers his screen. 

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Yujin agrees quickly, relieved that this choice is no longer his responsibility. He gives Hanbin his best smile, his fingers curled around the edge of the counter. “Also, um. Can you put everything in paper cups? Or, like, whatever’s best for the sea turtles?” 

Hanbin tilts his head back and laughs, his pretty eyes curving into crescent moons. The dimples at the tops of his cheeks are intriguing, almost like whiskers, and Yujin wants to poke them.

“No plastic straws,” the barista agrees, amused. “I promise. Anything else?”

Yujin shakes his head, feeling very happy because even if this club meeting goes horribly at least he’ll have made an effort. He hopes Zhang Hao will be proud of him. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Oh, I’m Yujin,” Yujin says, a little flustered as he gets ready to pay with his phone. He scans it and Hanbin hums, giving him another sparkly smile. “Okay, Yujin-ah, your drinks will be ready in a few minutes.”

“Thank you!” Yujin chirps, gripping his phone and bouncing a little. He inspects the shelf of colorful tumblers while he waits and wrinkles his nose at the overpriced biscotti and silently thanks the universe for kind, helpful baristas. 

“Yujin-ah?” 

Yujin whips his head up from his game, confused for a second before he realizes a smiling Hanbin has called his name. Happily he goes to collect his drinks, already craving the artificial syrup he gets so rarely. 

“Thank you, Hanbin-ssi,” he says politely, wishing he had cash to stuff into the tip jar. “I really appreciate your help.”

“Good luck, Yujin-ah,” Hanbin tells him, smiling. “Bring your friends with you next time you want a sugary drink.”

Yujin squeaks and waves his free hand around vaguely and then practically runs out of the store. The barista’s confidence in Yujin’s ability to make friends is overwhelming in the same way that Zhang Hao praising him is overwhelming. 

He’s warm all over, though, and when he takes a sip of his chai latte in the car he could swear there’s more sugar syrup and less ice than usual. Delicious.

♡♡♡

“Yujin-ah!” Gyuvin exclaims when Yujin walks into the empty classroom, tray of drinks clutched in his hands. “You’re here!” 

The older boy bounds forward, enthusiastic as a puppy, and hugs Yujin. Yujin freezes, unused to physical affection and a little unsure what to do and also worried about spilling the drinks.

“Hi, Yujinnie,” Gunwook greets, giving him that same sunshine smile. He’s really so big— Yujin can’t get over the size of him despite the fact the other boy is only a year ahead of him in school. “I’m glad you made it!”

Someone has written Environmental Club on the chalkboard in looping, pretty letters but it’s only the three of them in the room.

“Um,” Yujin says, awkwardly patting Gyuvin’s elbow with one hand because the boy is still hanging off him and seems to have no intentions of letting go. “Me too, Gunwook-ssi. I brought drinks? If you want?” 

They boys both descend curiously and Yujin is so relieved when they thank him and exclaim over how delicious the drinks are that he could melt. He really, really must go back to that Starbucks and leave a large tip for Hanbin. 

“Call us both hyung,” Gyuvin instructs, threading his free arm through Yujin’s and leaning their sides together. It’s a kind of casual, tactile affection the teenager has never really experienced and so he just stands there, unsure how to reciprocate even as he desperately wants to. “We’re friends so we don’t have to be formal.”

“Okay, hyungs,” Yujin says and he only chokes up a little at being called their friend. Suddenly these boys who had annoyed him so much on the soccer field seem like the greatest people ever. “What are we doing today?” 

“Well,” Gunwook says, frowning a little at the chalkboard. “It’s kindof too cold to plant anything and all the people at the grocery store are sick of us asking them to sign petitions. So…”

“We could watch a nature documentary,” Gyuvin suggests, laying his head on Yujin’s smile. “I think I can figure out the Smartboard.”

Gunwook brightens, nodding so hard his silky hair falls in his eyes. Both boys turn to Yujin, inquisitive. “Yujinnie? Is a movie okay with you?”

“Yes,” Yujin says very happily, slurping the last of his latte. Despite the chilly drink he’s warm with Gyuvin pressed against him, all his earlier nerves soothed by sugar and how friendly the boys are being. “I love nature documentaries. Can we watch Happy Feet?”

“Ooh, good choice!” Gyuvin compliments, shaking Yujin’s arm a little. “C’mon, help me connect my laptop? There’s all these cables I don’t understand.”

Gunwook closes the door and fiddles with the shades while Yujin and Gyuvin set up the movie. They rent it using Yujin’s account and he waves off Gyuvin’s protests about finding an illegal streaming site. 

Even though they have to sit in hard plastic chairs to watch the movie and the classroom smells faintly of old shoes, Yujin feels as happy as he’s ever been. Gyuvin and Gunwook sit on either side of him, making appreciative noises at all the right moments, and they hold his hands to comfort him when the main penguin is rejected for not being able to sing. 

It’s a very good afternoon and Yujin tentatively hugs Gunwook and Gyuvin goodbye at the school entrance, relishing the warmth of their arms around him. 

“We’ll see you next week, Yujin-ah?” Gyuvin asks, his face pinched like he’s worried. “You’ll come back, right?”

“Of course, hyungs,” Yujin reassures them, grinning from ear to ear. “I’ll bring snacks!” 

He waves at them and scampers to the waiting car, unable to stop himself from turning his seat and watching the two boys recede in the distance.

Friends, Yujin thinks giddily. I have friends. 

♡♡♡

That evening after he eats a dinner that is entirely vegetables– his mother must have found out about the Starbucks trip from Mr. Jeon– Yujin flops onto his bed and opens up Amazon. He adds notebooks made from recycled paper to his cart and a bamboo toothbrush, plus a cute plant because giving the world more oxygen has to be good for the environment. 

Yujin feels very proud of himself when he scrolls through the shipping options and chooses the eco-friendly one that means his package will arrive in more than a week. He doesn’t mind, though– every little bit helps, that’s what Gunwook had said. 

Maybe he should ask Mr. Kim if he can start biking to school. Not now, of course, but maybe in the spring. Yujin giggles at the mental image of Mr. Jeon speeding after him on a bike, wearing a bright orange safety vest while trying to keep him alive. 

He tells Zhang Hao all about his biking plan when they call before bed, stretching out in his soft bed and talking at a mile a minute. 

“Hyung, it was so nice!” Yujin tells him, wanting to share the glow lingering in his chest from two hours of joking around with Gunwook and Gyuvin and feeling them drape their arms casually across his shoulders. “I really like them.”

“Ah, Yujinnie,” Zhang Hao says, his voice a little muffled. “I’m so proud of you! I knew it would go well– how could anyone not like my baby?” 

“Hyungie,” Yujin whines, drumming his heels against the duvet. “I’m sixteen!”

“Mm,” Zhang Hao says and Yujin is almost sure he’s smiling. “And what did you learn today? Are you going to save our planet?” 

“Well,” Yujin replies slowly, trying to remember the parts of Happy Feet that weren’t singing or dancing. “Seals are kindof scary. And those packs of soda that you can buy, with the plastic rings? Those are really bad so we should always cut them open before we throw them away. And also, penguins mate for life!” 

Zhang Hao is quiet for a moment, only the faint sounds of cars rumbling past his window filtering through the phone. Yujin knows his hyung lives in the more populated areas of the city– he hopes it’s quiet enough at night that he can sleep well.

“Very good, Yujin-ah,” Zhang Hao praises, “it sounds like you learned a lot and made two new friends.” 

“Hyung, do you really think they want to be my friends?” Yujin asks excitedly, rolling over and curling up on his side. He stares at his little bunny nightlight, unable to stop smiling. “Even though they’re older than me?”

“I think so,” Zhang Hao assures him, sounding like he’s smiling. “They came over to talk to you in the cafe and they invited you to join their club. It sounds like they enjoyed your company as much as you enjoyed theirs.” 

Yujin breathes a deep sigh of relief, his whole body relaxing. He’d thought the same thing but still he’d needed to hear the words in Zhang Hao’s voice, had wanted his hyung’s reassurance.

“And Yujin-ah, who says people older than you can’t be your friends?” Zhang Hao asks, playfully offended. Yujin giggles, tucking his fingers under his chin. “Aren’t I your friend? Your best hyung?”

“I don’t know about best, Zhang Hao-hyung,” Yujin teases, allowing his tired eyes to close. “I met this really nice barista today…”

♡♡♡

Yujin wakes up early that weekend, the thoughts that have been swirling and swirling around his head finally cemented into a tentative decision. 

He dresses for the day even though it’s Saturday, pulling on jeans and a respectable navy sweater and even finding match socks. Finally, a cup of milk in one hand and a marker in the other, Yujin flips the whiteboard to the empty side and writes 1, 2, and 3 on the board. 

Under 1 he writes Zhang Hao , while 2 and 3 become Gyuvin and Gunwook. 

Stepping back from the whiteboard, Yujin sips his milk and stares long and hard at the names. There’s something official about seeing them on the board that helps cement his feelings, a lovely fluttering in his chest at the sight of three names written under My Pack.

Making a happy little screech, Yujin bounces around his room as he silently celebrates. Then, once he’s gotten some of the energy out, he flips the board back around and calls the number of the lawyer he’d found that’s circled in his notes in red. 

“Hello,” Yujin says cheerfully when a nice receptionist picks up, “my name is Yujin! I want to talk to you about contracts and the paperwork needed to form a pack, please?”

♡♡♡

Yujin enters school on Monday with a very special glittery blue folder in his backpack. His backpack is designer and worth thousands of dollars, never mind the MacBook and iPad it holds, but to Yujin that folder is the most precious thing he carries. 

He’d decorated the folder with little puppy and heart stickers on Sunday night, bored and excited and impatient all at once. The paperwork he needs for this first step of his plan is all in order and the second lawyer he’d hired had approved it as well, though he’d been a little confused as to why Yujin needed the agreement forms.

“Sorry,” Yujin had chirped as he stuck another smiling Cinnamoroll sticker onto the folder, “it’s really confidential. Thank you for checking everything! Bye!” 

He’d hummed to himself as he hung up, pleased and flushed with success, and he’s still humming to himself now. The folder holds eight copies of the exact same document, just in case, but Yujin doubts he’ll use them all. 

A pack of six or seven sounds perfect, just enough for a sports team, and besides Yujin has read several papers that said too-large packs started to fight. 

He doesn’t want that. Once he finds his packmates and makes everything official, Yujin is in it for life. He wants one pack and one pack only, forever– there won’t be any second chances at this. 

He stores the folder carefully in his locker and then comes back after his first class to put it in his backpack because he’d spent all period worrying about what would happen in a fire. At least if it’s with him, he can bring the folder to safety. 

All day long Yujin scours the faces around him with renewed interest, searching for any hint of someone who could be his packmate in the future. He doesn’t find anything; most people look away or frown at him.

He’s decided it’s prudent to always carry the folder around with him in case he meets one of his future packmates the way that couples in dramas always meet– in the rain, by falling into each other's arms, in a field of blooming flowers.

Yujin happily goes through his tutoring session with Zhang Hao although mostly he just asks the older boy about life in China and whines for him to make a treat. 

Yujin doesn’t really need help with his literature class anymore, not now that their Shakespeare unit has ended, but he would rather die than tell his mother the truth. He’s absolutely terrified of losing Zhang Hao, who has become his most favorite person, and so on his tests sometimes he circles the wrong answers or forgets to answer a question. 

Zhang Hao fondly calls him a brat and then he bakes kirimochi in the gleaming oven until it puffs up and gets warm and chewy-crispy. They lean over the island and eat it together, dipping the rice snack into sweet soy sauce and fighting each other for the best pieces.

“Hyung,” Yujin says, unable to help himself. “What do you know about packs?”

Zhang Hao hums, stealing a piece of mochi from between Yujin’s chopsticks. The teenager pouts and Zhang Hao sends him a flying kiss, grinning. 

“Not a lot,” he says at last, standing up and stretching. He’s left the last three pieces of mochi for Yujin; all gooey and perfect. “Just whatever you learn in school, probably. Why?”

“‘M just curious,” Yujin says, trying to sound casual. He stuffs some mochi in his mouth, chewing furiously. “We only talked about them a little but I still don’t really understand them.”

“Ah, Yujinnie, don’t talk with your mouth full,” Zhang Hao reminds him, wiping a bit of soy sauce off the teenager's chin. “Some of my teachers had us read about packs and mating during my undergrad. Mostly poems about the beauty of mates, really romantic stuff.”

Yujin perks up, making his eyes wide and shiny as he keeps chewing. 

“Nothing that exciting,” Zhang Hao tells him with a laugh, drumming his fingers on the kitchen island. “It was a lot of moon metaphors and stuff about biting.” 

“Hyung,” Yujin says thickly, swallowing. “Would you ever want to have a mate? Or a pack?”

Zhang Hao hums again, his eyes going a little faraway as he considers. “Maybe,” he says at last, “but I can just get married. And a pack– I don’t know, Yujinnie. I guess it would have to add something to my life I don’t already have.”

Me, Yujin thinks as he picks up another piece of mochi, joining a pack would mean you would always have me and I would always have you and we couldn’t ever be separated. 

He doesn’t say that, though. The blue folder feels like a ticking bomb in his backpack but Yujin just chews his mochi and thinks angry thoughts at the government for brainwashing everyone to believe packs are bad. 

“Yujin-ah? Why did you ask about packs? Is your teacher covering the reforms in history class?”

Yujin shakes his head, scrunching his nose at Zhang Hao in an attempt to distract him with cuteness. “No, hyung. We learned that last year. I was just curious what you thought about it. I was wondering if maybe China teaches something else.”

“Ah, my smart baby,” Zhang Hao croons, draping himself over Yujin’s back and rubbing their cheeks together. The teenager gives in instantly, enjoying the affection. “Look at you asking about other countries! Are you sure you don’t want to be a politician?”

“Ew, hyung,” Yujin protests, “that’s an icky job. Gunwook-hyung says politicians are bad for the environment.”

♡♡♡

On Tuesday night Yujin ignores all his homework and spends several hours sitting on the floor, staring up at the blank side of his whiteboard. He’s erased and rewritten Zhang Hao’s name under 1 too many times to count, his mind flickering back and forth over what to do.

Yujin wants Zhang Hao in his pack. He adores the older boy and he’s sure Zhang Hao would be a lovely packmate, would continue to be caring and sweet and warmly tease everyone. He has his moments of hyper energy and silliness but he can be peaceful, too, can be Yujin’s respite and his shoulder to cry on during bad days. 

Zhang Hao is the first person to walk into Yujin’s life and really see him, the first person to ask Yujin about his thoughts and feelings and give him the respect of listening to his answers. Yujin doesn’t want to let him go, not at all, but the older boy's answers to his questions had scared him. 

Maybe Zhang Hao doesn’t care about Yujin as much as he thought he did. Maybe Zhang Hao truly is happy with the way his life is right now– maybe he doesn’t want to add anyone to it. 

Yujin sighs dramatically and flops on the floor, staring listlessly at the ceiling. He hates making decisions and this is the most important decision of his life. 

“I need sugar,” Yujin mumbles, sitting up and looking around with wild eyes, “sugar will help.”

He scours his room and then the kitchen but he can’t find any hidden reserves of sweetness, not even a marshmallow, and Yujin feels himself teetering on the brink of tears. 

It’s much too late at night for any food delivery apps to work and the house is quiet and still around him, only the outer security left to patrol.

Back up in his room Yujin changes into dark clothes and stuffs cash from the pile under his mattress into his backpack, adding a pink tube of pepper spray and his favorite bunny stuffed animal just in case. 

Pulling a hat low over his forehead, Yujin sneaks downstairs and carefully, slowly pushes open the side entrance that goes into the laundry room. It’s a room that’s never locked because it’s how the security guards enter the house. 

Holding his breath, he counts to ten and then faces across the exposed lawn. Bright lights illuminate the grass but Yujin has memorized the patrol schedule like the back of his hand and after years of perfecting his technique he knows how to sneak out of the mansion. 

Scaling an old wooden playground on the back corner of their enormous yard, Yujin balances on top of the tunnel slide for a moment before jumping. His bunched up legs just clear the top of the fence and he rolls as he hits the grass, hissing a little at the impact. 

Getting back in will mean admitting to the night guards that he’s left and bribing them with more money, but Yujin’s fine with it. Anything for sugar. 

He jogs down the empty street, grateful for the bright pools of light cast by the tall lamps, and turns a corner. There’s a 24 hour convenience store nearby that Yujin always visits on nights like these and already he’s looking forward to the artificial lighting and candy selection. 

His backpack bumps against his spine as he climbs the stairs to the little store, more than happy to be out of the night. Even if it isn’t truly dark, Yujin still doesn’t like the quiet streets and navy sky– everything about the silence of night reminds him too closely of the silence inside his own house. 

A bell chimes cheerfully as he enters and Yujin calls out a greeting, taking his hat off to be polite. 

“Hello!” Someone calls back, a voice that sounds much younger than the ancient owner Yujin is used to. “Please let me know if you need any help!”

Yujin frowns a little, confused by the friendly service, but then he gets distracted by the candy aisle. Taking a basket he loads up on sugary sweets, adding several cans of soda and small coconut cakes to his haul. Then he spots the mini ice cream freezer and really, the pints are on sale so he has to buy some; it’s good financial planning. 

At last Yujin makes his way to the counter, his arms straining a little as he heaves his full basket up. He hopes he can fit everything in his backpack. 

“Hi,” Yujin says distractedly, unzipping his backpack and rifling through it for the cash. He frowns when he sees the glittery blue edge of his special folder; he hadn’t meant to bring it with him. 

“Hi,” that same young voice replies, a beep sounding as Yujin’s items are scanned. “Is this for a late night study session?” 

Yujin looks up, a little caught off guard by the question. The boy scanning his sweets is young, probably only a few years older than Yujin himself, and very cute. He has a sharp chin and reddish-brown hair and angled eyes that remind Yujin of a fox. 

“Oh,” Yujin says, pausing his search for the cash as he looks at the boy, “you’re new. I’ve never seen you here before.”

The boy’s smile drops and he stops scanning the stuff in Yujin’s basket. “Is it that obvious?” He asks and he sounds sad, dejected. 

“Um,” Yujin stutters, instinctively lifting his hands and waving them in a pacifying gesture. “Um, I didn’t– no! I’m just sleep deprived! And I have bad vision! Ignore me!”

The boy is still looking as if Yujin has just killed his pet, though, his whole body projecting sadness. “It’s no use,” he tells the teenager, sighing. “I don’t think I’ll ever fit in here. Everyone just looks at me and somehow knows I wasn’t raised here.”

“I didn’t,” Yujin protests, even as the way the boy speaks suddenly makes sense. He peers at the boy's name tag, squinting hard, “really, er, Matthew-ssi.”

“I should just go back to Canada,” Matthew sighs, staring somewhere in the middle of Yujin’s chest. “I was silly to come here and think I’d be able to build a whole life.”

“No,” Yujin almost cries, his heart aching for this very sad looking boy. Instinctively he reaches out and grabs Matthew’s wrists, holding on until the boy meets his eyes. “You weren’t silly, Matthew-ssi! You must be so brave, to come all the way from Canada.”

Matthew peers at him, considering. “Brave?” He repeats slowly. “You think I’m brave?”

“Very brave,” Yujin says, nodding emphatically. Matthew’s skin is warm against his, the boy even cuter up close. His hair looks soft; Yujin wants to touch it. “Really. And don’t– you’re not the only one who feels lonely and out of place.”

Matthew hums, leaning a bit closer into Yujin. “You too?” He asks and there’s no judgment in his voice, nothing but understanding. 

It’s very late at night or very early in the morning and this boy is practically a stranger but his eyes are warm, welcoming. Suddenly Yujin finds himself spilling all his troubles to Matthew, everything from his absent parents to his fear over losing Zhang Hao and the painful truth that he desperately wants a life full of people who will love him yet doesn’t quite have anyone. 

“I’m lonely,” he confesses, pressing his lips together to stop them trembling. Somewhere during their conversation their hands have migrated together, fingers tangled. Yujin wonders when that happened and why it doesn’t feel unnatural. “My best friend is someone my parents hired to spend time with me and I’m so– I’m so scared of being alone.”

“Yeah,” Matthew agrees softly, squeezing their hands. “Me too, Yujin-ah. But it sounds like your hyung really cares about you, no matter what his job is.”

“I hope so,” Yujin sighs, gnawing on his painful bottom lip. He thinks he’s chewed all the skin off. “But I want friends– real friends, who I find and who care about me only because they want to and not because my parents are paying them.”

“Me too,” Matthew agrees again, so much longing in his voice it’s palpable. “I want that too. And I want friends to show me around Seoul and tell me this wasn’t a horrible decision. I really… I really want to make a life here.”

Yujin nods in agreement, peeking up at Matthew from under his lashes. Maybe he’s delirious with sleep deprivation or maybe this is the best idea he’s ever had, but…

“Matthew-ssi,” he says tentatively, very aware of the blue folder in his backpack. “Do you want to be part of my pack?” 

“What?” Matthew asks, frowning. “ Pack, what’s that?” He pronounces the word awkwardly, like he’s never heard it before. 

“A pack is a group of friends,” Yujin says excitedly, beaming at Matthew and bouncing on his toes. He can’t help squeezing the other boy's hands tightly. “It’s exactly what you’ve been looking for. We help each other out and spend time together and promise to be with each other always– great, right?” 

“I don’t know,” Matthew jokes, though his eyes are a bit wary. “It also kindof sounds like a gang. Or a cult.”

“ Hyung, ” Yujin argues, rolling his eyes. “I’m sixteen. Do you really think I’m in a gang or a cult? I just want to be your friend!”

Matthew laughs at that, shaking their entwined hands, and Yujin grins wide enough that his cheeks hurt. 

“Okay, Yujin-ah,” Matthew agrees, “I’ll join your pack. Where do I sign my soul and kidneys away?”

“Here!” Yujin chirps, ripping their hands apart so he can draw the blue folder out of his backpack. Very carefully he extracts a sheet of paper and slides it over the counter to Matthew, giving him his best sparkly pout. 

Matthew rolls his eyes again but bends low over the paper, squinting at it for a few moments beholden shrugging. He fumbles around for a pen and Yujin holds his breath, heart beating wildly, as he watches Matthew sign the paper with a flourish. 

“Hyung,” he breathes as he carefully takes the paper back and tucks it into the folder, “hyung, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

And Yujin flings himself over the counter and wraps himself around Matthew in a tight hug, squeezing the older boy with all his limbs. He tucks his face into Matthew’s collarbone and inhales his faint scent of sugary maple syrup, making tiny rumbling sounds in his chest. 

Tentatively Matthew hugs him back, the older boy warming to the affection by degrees. “Sure, Yujin-ah,” he murmurs, laying his cheek against the top of the teenager's head, “you’re welcome. I’m happy to be your friend.”

♡♡♡

Yujin forces Matthew to save his phone number and then sends the older boy several exuberant texts on his way home, already planning when they can meet up. He’s starting to have quite a busy schedule between environmental club on Wednesdays and tutoring with Zhang Hao and soccer practice. 

Yujin also wants to stop back at Starbucks so he can thank Hanbin and maybe find out more about the pretty barista. He wonders if the tall boy is in need of friends too. 

Yujin sleeps well that night, despite the excitement and joy heating his blood to lava temperatures, and he springs out of bed the next morning despite his late bedtime. 

The very first thing he does is bounce over to his whiteboard and write a loopy, happy number 4. Matthew’s name and phone number go beneath it beside a little doodle of a maple leaf. 

Yujin steps back, studying the board, pride and happiness swelling in his chest. It’s good for now and he’s so happy that his plan is going well, but he’ll have to get pictures of his packmates for the board. He wants to look at the faces of his future family as he slowly builds it and brings them all together. 

Humming to himself, Yujin starts to get ready for school. Every few minutes he looks over at the whiteboard and feels another burst of joy in his chest, warm and glowing as sunshine. 

In the car on the way to school he calls his main lawyer and then emails over a scan of the document Matthew had signed, running his fingertips across the ink signature as if it’s the most precious thing in all the world. 

The first one, Yujin thinks triumphantly, satisfied when his lawyer emails back that he’s received the document and is starting a new file for him. My first official packmate. Seok Matthew. 

♡♡♡

Yujin is uninterested in his classmates as possible packmates now that he’s found three, possibly four members of his future family, and so he glides peacefully through the day. After classes end he races to the parking lot, urging Mr. Kim to drive as fast as possible because he’s eager to see Gyuvin and Gunwook again. 

Only a week has passed since he last saw them and already so much has happened. Yujin wishes he could tell them all about it but first he needs to get to know them a bit better. Still, he’s running high on the success of finding and keeping Matthew and he feels on top of the world. 

“Mr. Kim, please stop at Starbucks again,” Yujin requests politely, uncaring that his mother will find out. “I want to bring my friends a treat.” 

The Starbucks is a bit busier today, several people sitting at the tables, but the line is empty and Yujin instantly zeroes in on Hanbin. 

“Hyung!” He chirps, bouncing up to the counter and waving enthusiastically. “I came back!”

“Yujin-ah!” Hanbin says, setting down the carton of milk in his hands and smiling. “Hi! Did your friends like the drinks?”

“Yes, very much,” Yujin obediently reports, “and they really did want to be my friends, you were right!”

“Ah, I’m so happy,” Hanbin says with a smile. “What can I make you today?”

Yujin orders a pumpkin spice frappuccino with extra whipped cream and reads Gunwook and Gyuvin’s orders off his phone; they have a group chat now where they send each other pictures of baby animals and discuss soccer. It’s the best . 

After Yujin pays and Hanbin walks away to start his order, he opens his backpack and grabs handfuls of cash. It’s a little hard to stuff it all in the tip jar but Zhang Hao’s been teaching him about how important tipping is in their society because they have a very weak social welfare state, so Yujin is determined to fit all the money in. 

He grins widely at Hanbin when the barista calls him over to retrieve his drinks, a happy little shiver going down his spine as their hands brush. 

“Hyung,” Yujin says impulsively, clutching his drinks but refusing to move. “Would you ever want to hang out sometime?”

Hanbin pauses, tilting his head a little. “Sure, Yujin-ah,” he says, “I’d like that. Will you come back?” 

“Every day, hyung,” Yujin promises, glowing. “I have a lot of secret menu drinks to try and you’re here! Nothing could keep me away!” 

Hanbin laughs and waves him away but Yujin doesn’t miss how the tips of his ears have gone bright red. 

At St. Mary’s he climbs out of the car and skips inside the school, impatient to see his new friends. They’ve been texting all week long but still he wishes he could see them every day, could catch up with their lives each night over dinner. 

Oh, well. Those are things he can look forward to when their pack lives all together in the house Yujin will buy for them. For now, he can be patient just a little longer. 

“Hyungs!” Yujin calls out as he nears the classroom, pouty and in need of hugs. “I’m here!” 

Gyuvin and Gunwook burst out of the classroom together, plastering themselves to Yujins sides and wrapping their long arms around him. Both boys bury their faces in his neck, sniffling, and he relaxes into the embrace with a content sigh. 

He knows from their group chat that Gyuvin’s parents work long hours at their office and don’t see their children much, while Gunwook has so many siblings that his parents forget to tell them all apart. It’s another roadblock that’s been cleared on the way to forming their pack; both boys don’t seem to be overly attached to their current lives or families. 

“Hyungs,” Yujin says softly, snuggling down into their embrace and wishing both boys attended his school so he could see them every day. Maybe he could make that happen. “I missed you.”

“Yujinnie, we haven’t seen you in forever,” Gyuvin complains, pushing his cold nose against the teenager's ear. “I think you grew. And we missed it happening!” 

Yujin giggles, poking every bit of Gyuvin’s skin he can reach and leaning into the safety of Gunwook’s chest because the other boy isn’t quite so silly. “Hyung, don’t be silly, I can’t have changed that much in only a week.”

“You’re growing up without us,” Gyuvin moans, “soon you won’t be a baby at all anymore!”

“Gyuvin-hyung, maybe we should watch our movie,” Gunwook suggests, giggling along with Yujin. “We chose one we think you’ll like Yujinnie.”

They sit down in the classroom and Yujin completely forgets about his drink because Gyuvin has his legs across his lap and Gunwook is petting his hair and really, the world could end right now and he wouldn’t care. He sinks into a puddle of happy goo and barely even pays attention to the animals on screen who are trying to escape New York City for the wilds, all his attention focused on the warmth of the boys– his friends– on either side of them. 

As Gunwook shuts down the projector and Gyuvin turns on the lights, Yujin chews his bottom lip and glances between them. He likes the older boys very much and even though he hasn’t known them for long, they don’t feel like strangers. 

They’ve shown him nothing but affection and kindness and Zhang Hao always says he should think the best of people until they prove otherwise. 

“Hyungs?” Yujin asks, a little tremulous because he’s nervous. “I have something really important to ask you– will you come over here?”

Instantly they slide back into their seats, Gyuvin frowning and Gunwook looking worried. Yujin lets out a deep breath and then picks up their hands in his, wrapping his small fingers around their large palms.

“Hyungs,” he says again, “I really like both of you and I’m so happy we’re friends now. Will you join my pack?”

Carefully he takes two sheets of paper from the sparkly folder and hands them to his friends, biting so hard on his bottom lip that it stings. 

“A pack?” Gunwook asks, scanning the paper. “Is that kindof like a club?” 

Yujin nods excitedly, his heart fluttering in his chest as Gyuvin signs the paper without reading it and hands it back to him. “Anything for you, Yujinnie,” he croons and Gunwook pulls a face but signs the paper too. 

Yujin carefully tucks the papers away, beaming at his friends and almost-packmates as they tease each other and bicker about who he likes more. 

I love you both equally , Yujin thinks, looking at them with starry eyes. My packmates, my friends. My family. 

♡♡♡

After that second environmental club meeting, Yujin races home to check off numbers 2 and 3 on his whiteboard and write in a new entry. Number 5 – Hanbin. 

He’s so pleased and so happy that he doesn’t even complain about the roasted eggplant and thick, slimy chia seed pudding he’s served for dinner. 

That night Yujin spends a long time scouring the internet for his packmates, scrolling through Gunwook and Gyuvin and Matthew’s Instagram accounts and trying to imagine what his life with them will be like. He can’t help but to picture Zhang Hao and Hanbin there too, their sweetly doting hyungs who will never scold them. 

Yujin falls asleep with a smile on his mouth and goes to school without any complaints, already anticipating his tutoring session with Zhang Hao and the coming weekend. He’s planned a friend-date with Matthew in the hopes that by next weekend, the boy will be ready to meet Gunwook and Gyuvin.

Sliding into his first period seat, Yujin props his head up on his arms and sinks into a happy daydream of what his life will look like by this time next year. 

“Hao-hyung,” he calls out as he enters the mansion after school, excited to see his friend. “I’m home! Where are you?” 

“The kitchen!” Zhang Hao calls back, a little muffled. Yujin follows his voice and the faint smell of chocolate to the kitchen, dropping his backpack so he can plaster himself onto the older boy's back where he stands at the counter. 

“Hyung,” Yujin sighs, inhaling citrus and warmth straight from Zhang Hao’s neck, “how are you still in school? Aren’t you sick of learning?”

Zhang Hao laughs, one of his hands pressed against Yujins arms around his waist. “Not yet,” he says, “my brain still has a little space left. And besides, if I want a job that pays well I need to be well educated.”

“A job?” Yujin asks, crinkling his nose. “Why would you ever need a job, hyung? Just stay with me forever.”

Zhang Hao laughs again, setting down the bowl of brown goo he’s been mixing and leaning back against Yujin. “Yujinnie, you’re so cute,” he praises, “but hyung needs money to live and bring you the treats you like so much.”

Yujin grumbles into Zhang Hao’s neck, unhappy at the idea that Zhang Hao needs anything more than he needs Yujin. “I have money,” he says a little petulantly, “lots of it. You can have it, hyung.”

Zhang Hao laughs again and taps Yujins arms, signaling him to get off. Bending down, the older boy takes a pan out of the oven and turns it off, the smell of chocolate intensifying. 

“You made a treat,” Yujin breathes, peering at the cooling cake and bowl of frosting with enormous eyes. “Hyung, did something special happen?” 

“No,” Zhang Hao says, wrapping his arm around Yujin’s and guiding him away from the frosting before he can stick his fingers in it. “I just wanted to make you something sweet. Now tell me about your club yesterday— how are Gunwookie and Gyuvinnie?”

Yujin happily curls up on the enormous couch beside Zhang Hao, tucking himself into his hyung’s side as he rambles about small animal enclosures and what lions eat and Gunwook’s pretty smile and the way that Gyuvin had carried him out to the parking lot on his back. 

“Hyung,” he says after a while, his head laid against Zhang Hao’s shoulder because he’s sleepy. “Do you think I could invite them over next week? After school?” 

“Sure, Yujin-ah. It’s your house– of course you can have your friends visit.”

“Yeah,” Yujin agrees even though something inside him still wants Zhang Hao’s approval of his plan. “But– but can I? Would it be okay with you?”

“Yes, baby,” Zhang Hao murmurs, petting over Yujin’s hair, “of course it’s okay with me. I want you to spend time with your friends.”

“And you’ll still be here?” Yujin questions, his voice going high for some reason he doesn’t understand. “Even if you don’t tutor me, will you still come?”

Zhang Hao hugs him close at that, making a comforting sound in his chest. “I’ll always be here,” he reassures the teenager, “as long as you want me, Yujinnie. You don’t ever have to worry about that.”

Yujin sighs and Zhang Hao smiles and neither of them get up from the couch for a long time. And when they finally do, they neglect Yujin’s essay about Frankenstein and instead eat chocolate cake coated in messy frosting and giggle about all the sugar.

It’s a very happy evening. 

♡♡♡

Yujin sends the two newly signed agreements to his lawyer and spends a long time tracing his fingertips over the three names with check marks beside them on his whiteboard, entranced. 

Then he goes to school and feels his brain fog up because of how boring his classes are and he hides in the library during lunch so he can text Gunwook and Gyuvin. 

They talk about soccer and Gunwook’s class President duties and Yujin invites them to his house the following Wednesday, telling them that he has a very comfortable couch they can hold their club proceedings from. 

Then he texts Matthew to ask about his day and teach him a new word, something they started doing when Matthew told him he feels like his Korean vocabulary is too limited. 

The word is family– gajok – and Matthew teases Yujin that he already knows that word but the teenager just smiles. He’s happy to know Matthew’s having an okay day at his university and that the boy had managed to understand most of his history lecture. 

Yujin’s so proud of him. And he’s so proud of himself for finding such a brave, funny, interesting packmate. He can’t believe Matthew moved all the way to Korea by himself for university— he must be the bravest person in the whole world. 

Yujin texts Matthew a series of hearts and confetti cannons, reminding the older boy that he’s proud of him and that he’s doing well. He thinks that’s something friends and packmates should do– support each other through any struggles and bad days. 

After school he asks to go to Starbucks, promising his driver and Mr. Jeon coffee if they agree. Yujin hasn’t managed to hack into the Starbucks employee database yet so he can’t be sure if Hanbin will be working today, but he bounces inside all the same. 

Thankfully the tall, pretty man stands at the ordering station, no one in line before him. This Starbucks is always very quiet and Yujin thanks any higher powers for that as he beams at Hanbin. 

“Hi hyung! I’m here for my daily sugar!” 

Hanbin smiles back and laughs a little and doesn’t try to hide the dimples creasing his cheeks. “Yujinnie, what will your dentist say?” 

“I never go to the dentist, hyung,” Yujin says seriously, “it’s too scary and I read an article that said actually cavities aren’t real.”

Hanbin frowns, opening his mouth, but Yujin is already reading off his order from the secret menu cheat sheet he’d found online. “Can I please have a venti vanilla Frappuccino,” he asks politely, “with three pumps of hazelnut syrup, two pumps of praline syrup, two pumps of vanilla syrup and extra whipped cream?” 

Hanbin snorts and types his order in, letting Yujin pay before he says, conversationally. “Yujin-ah, do your parents know you come here so often?”

“Nope,” Yujin replies easily, fiddling with his fuzzy phone case, “they aren’t at home right now. They have a really big business deal in Germany, but I think they might be back by January.”

Hanbin stares at him, his eyes going wide. “January? Yujinnie, it’s November. Who’s looking after you?”

“Hyung, it’s okay!” Yujin says, although he’s warmed by Hanbin’s concern. “There’s lots of maids and Mr. Kim drives me to school and Zhang Hao-hyung tutors me. And I have a chef so I’m not starving, don’t worry!”

He beams at Hanbin, happily twisting on the spot as he waits for the older boy to relax. Instead, Hanbin’s face darkens and he leans over the counter towards Yujin. 

“Yujin-ah,” he says seriously, “do you need help? You can stay here and I’ll call the police or child protective services or– or anyone .”

“Um,” Yujin says, a little confused. “No? Thank you?” 

“Yujin-ah,” Hanbin repeats, gazing at him with worry, “this is very important. Do you have a trusted guardian who looks after you when your parents are gone?”

“Yes,” Yujin says as a brilliant idea strikes him, “I do! Do you want to meet him?” 

Twenty minutes and one insistent phone call later, Zhang Hao bursts through the door of the Starbucks and glances around wildly until he sees Yujin. The older boy hurries over to him, his dark hair windswept, and immediately pulls him against his chest. 

“Yujinnie, what happened?” He asks, worried and too fast. “Are you okay? Did someone hurt you? What do you need?”

Yujin, who had been sitting and having a lovely conversation with Hanbin about his dance classes and the older boy’s dreams of opening his own dance studio, relaxes into the hug. It feels so good to be held close like this, to be cared for and worried over by Zhang Hao.

“Hyungie,” he murmurs, inhaling citrus, “you’re here. I missed you.”

Zhang Hao holds him close another moment more, almost painfully tight, and then steps back a little so he can scan Yujin’s face and inspect him for any injuries. “Baby, what happened?” 

“Zhang Hao-hyung,” Yujin chirps, ignoring the question. “Meet Hanbin-hyung!” And he gestures at the barista standing beside him, the tall boy’s cheeks pink.

Zhang Hao frowns at him and then frowns more deeply at Hanbin, obviously under the impression that he’s done something to Yujin.

“Hanbin-hyung got worried about me,” Yujin explains, bouncing on his toes as he looks between the two older boys. “I told him about how my parents are gone and he just wanted to make sure I’m safe and that someone is taking care of me. I told him you are, hyung.”

Zhang Hao softens at the words, curling his palm around Yujin’s cheek and giving the teenager an affectionate look. 

“Hi,” Hanbin says, waving a little awkwardly but giving Zhang Hao a very bright smile. “It’s nice to meet Yujin-ah’s hyung. He has really great things to say about you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Zhang Hao says, holding out his hand. “And thank you for being so concerned about Yujinnie– I appreciate you wanting to make sure he’s taken care of.”

Hanbin smiles and Zhang Hao’s lips start to curl up, their hands stuck together a little longer than a handshake usually takes. Yujin, where he’s tucked into Zhang Hao’s side, beams. 

♡♡♡

Matthew isn’t free until Sunday and Zhang Hao has homework and adult things to catch up on, so Yujin plans to sleep in on Saturday morning. A loud chime from his phone wakes him, though, and as he stares at the screen groggily he realizes it’s an Amazon notification. 

Your package will be delivered today, the notification reads, and all at once Yujin feels much more awake. Excited, he slides out of bed and down the large spiraling staircase, enjoying the empty house. Most of the staff has weekends off, only the security remaining, and even the butler Mr. Oh is gone. 

He’s still wearing his pale blue pajamas as he slides into the kitchen, but rare autumn sunshine streams through the windows and Yujin feels too happy to care about the silence. It’s the weekend and he’s meeting Matthew tomorrow and his pack , his chosen family, is slowly starting to form around him. 

Singing along to a pop song on his phone, Yujin pulls out a mixing bowl and decides to make waffles. He’s barely ever cooked anything more than a cup of tea or boiled egg before, but this morning feels full of possibility and he wants waffles. 

Fifteen minutes later flour is dusted across every countertop and a pile of egg shells rests in the sink, cinnamon and sugar streaked across Yujin’s cheek. He’s used at least five different spoons and two whisks and yet the batter is still too lumpy and oddly thick. 

Another chime from his phone coincides with the doorbell ringing and Yujin races towards the foyer, excited. It’s been so long since he ordered the stuff from Amazon that he thinks opening the package will be a fun surprise. 

“Hi!” Yujin chirps as he heaves the massive door open, grinning at the very young man on his doorstep. He has light brown hair and a sweet face, the delivery uniform managing to look nice on him. “Do you have my package?” 

“Are you Han Yujin?” The young man asks after a moment, his eyes scanning Yujin’s face and messy hair and bear-print pajamas. 

“Yes!” Yujin says and snatches the form, signing it with a flourish. He gives it back to the man and then holds his hands out for the package, wiggling his fingers impatiently. 

“You have something on your face,” the man says as he hands the package over, his mouth curving into a smile. 

Yujin makes a disgruntled noise and scrubs the back of his hand over his cheeks, annoyed. “I’m trying to make waffles,” he tells the delivery man, a little woeful. “But it’s really hard and the batter is weird. Do you know how to make waffles?” 

Yujin stares at the man with sudden hope, wondering if maybe delivery workers are also trained in cooking. But the man shakes his head even as his smile widens, bright white teeth flashing in the sun. 

“Sorry,” he says, “I’m really bad at cooking. Maybe try mixing the wet ingredients and dry ingredients separately and then adding them together? That’s what my mom always does.”

“Hmm,” Yujin says, considering the advice and then deciding to try it out. “Okay, I will! Thank you, Mr. Delivery man!”

They wave goodbye to each other, both smiling, and Yujin takes his package back to the kitchen. He dumps out his first batter attempt and follows the recipe again, this time mixing wet with wet and dry with dry before combining both bowls at the end. 

The waffles are perfectly fluffy and sweet and delicious and Yujin happily eats his breakfast as he tears his package open. The recycled paper notebooks feel heavy in his hands and the plant is very cute; it’ll look perfect in his room and he can show it to Gunwook and Gyuvin when they come over. 

Remembering the delivery boy’s pretty smile as he eats another bite of perfect, delicious cinnamon waffles, Yujin resolves to order more packages in the future. 

♡♡♡

On Sunday he and Matthew meet at a frozen yogurt cafe, Yujin launching himself into his first packmate’s arms for a warm hug. 

“Hyungie, did you have a good week?” He asks excitedly as they enter the cafe, hanging off Matthew’s arm because he refuses to let go of him. “Tell me everything, please!” 

“It was okay,” Matthew says, holding Yujin’s hand as they study the available flavors together. The cafe is painted in candy pink and lime green so that it feels like standing inside a watermelon. “But my landlord told me he’s raising my rent and I just… I don’t know if I can afford to keep living there.”

Yujin pouts, feeling angry and betrayed on Matthew’s behalf. “Is he allowed to do that?” He asks. “Like, is that legal?” 

Matthew sighs, staring down at the gleaming white floor. “I don’t know,” he says, “my lease is all in Korean and I don’t understand every word. Besides, I don’t think fighting him over it would go well.”

Yujin frowns, upset. “I’m sorry, hyungie,” he says, squeezing Matthew’s hand, “that sounds really frustrating. I hope he doesn’t end up raising it.”

Matthew is quiet for a moment more but then he shakes himself and looks at Yujin, giving him a bright smile. “Enough about me, Yujinnie. How are you? What’s the new drama you’ve been watching about?” 

Yujin bounces around and starts trying to explain the very complicated plot of Business Proposal to his hyung. Matthew listens attentively and helps Yujin pick out which flavor he wants and he doesn’t say anything about the amount of toppings Yujin puts on his froyo.

The teenager manages to sneakily pay for their desserts while Matthew is in the bathroom and he acts wide eyed and innocent when his hyung comes out, refusing to admit what he’s done. They eat their cold treats and share funny stories with each other and Matthew tells Yujin all about his favorite movie and the walking house in it. 

“Hyungie,” Yujin says eventually, dragging his spoon through melted froyo and leftover Oreo cookie chunks, “do you want to know about our other packmates?” 

“Oh, your friends?” Matthew asks, smiling a little. “Sure, Yujinnie. I’d love to hear about them.”

Yujin lights up, beaming at Matthew. They’re still holding hands atop the table, fingers twined together, and his whole arm feels warm and tingly. 

“Zhang Hao-hyung is the oldest,” he starts, “he’s my tutor. He’s so nice, hyungie, and he brings me treats and he doesn’t make me learn grammar even though he thinks it’s important. He’s from China, isn’t that cool? He was brave just like you and came to Korea for school!”

Matthew laughs again, a warm look on his face. “He sounds really nice, Yujin-ah,” he agrees but there’s something wistful in his tone. 

“He is,” Yujin says, squeezing Matthew’s hand. “He’s the best hyung and he takes really good care of me, just like he’ll take care of you.”

Matthew makes an odd sound, blinking quickly, but Yujin keeps talking. “And then there’s Gunwook-hyung and Gyuvin-hyung. They’re still in high school, like me, and we’re all in an environmental activism club together. We talk about how to save the coral reefs and watch nature movies! I think you’ll really like them too.”

Matthew hums, playing with his own spoon and empty cup. “You think they’ll like me back?”

“Hyungie, don’t be silly,” Yujin says firmly, rolling his eyes. “Of course they’re going to love you! You’re so nice and so funny and you have so many muscles!”

Matthew laughs and asks about Yujin’s soccer team and they spend another happy hour or two sitting together and sharing bits and pieces of their lives, simply enjoying each other's company. Yujin hugs Matthew for a long time as they say goodbye, memorizing the smell of maple syrup, and he thinks about the other boy while he walks home. 

Back in his room he shuts the door and calls the first private investigator who comes up on Google, tapping his feet on the carpet through the welcome messages. 

“Hi,” he says once he’s finally talking to the man himself, feeling very excited about his idea. “My name is Yujin. I want to hire you to find my friend's landlord for me– can you do that?”

♡♡♡

Monday afternoon, after Zhang Hao has left and Yujin is alone once again, he carefully taps away at his phone and sends a photo of Matthew from the froyo place to his Polaroid printer. It’s a cute photo, Matthew grinning at the camera with his dessert in his hands, and the background is colorful and pretty. 

Yujin sighs in happy satisfaction as he sticks the Polaroid to the whiteboard with a magnet, erasing the previous doodles. He writes Seok Matthew above the photo and then lists Matthew’s details– phone number, age, favorite color and birthday, below the picture. 

My first packmate, Yujin thinks as he steps back and studies the board. The empty spaces under Hanbin and Zhang Hao and Gunwook and Gyuvin’s names seem to taunt him, annoying him with their blankness. 

Yujin spins the board back around to the side with all his notes and the steps of his plan and calls the private investigator from yesterday, listening as the man rattles off a string of words and a name. 

Then Yujin calls his lawyer, the main one, and makes a very specific request that the man quickly agrees to. 

Once that’s finished he happily hangs up, his chest much lighter. Yujin texts Matthew a string of pink heart emojis, just because, and decides to reward his productive day with an Amazon shopping spree. 

He picks out more recycled notebooks and another plant because he thinks the first one is getting lonely– its leaves are all sad and droopy. Then Yujin researches dance shoes and buys five pairs in the sizes he thinks Hanbin might wear, and finally he orders an enormous snack crate for when Gunwook and Gyuvin come over. 

Yujin only feels a little guilty when he chooses next day shipping during checkout but the prospect of meeting the nice delivery man again is enough to have him clicking the orange place order button.

♡♡♡

On Tuesday afternoon Zhang Hao has a dentist's appointment and so he can’t come and tutor Yujin. The teenager mopes around the empty mansion, feeling sad and gray as the sky outside, unsure what to do with himself. 

The doorbell ringing cheers him up instantly, the excitement of his package straightening his spine. Still in his school uniform, Yujin races to the door and hauls it open, grinning. 

The same delivery boy as last time stands outside, three packages at his feet. He has a clipboard in his hands and he looks extra pretty today, his hair falling soft across his forehead. 

“Hi!” Yujin exclaims, wedging the door open with his body. “It’s you again! What’s your name?” 

“Uh,” the boy says, blinking. Then he bows slightly, which feels very weird because he’s clearly older. “I’m Taerae.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, Taerae-hyung,” Yujin says excitedly, reaching out for the clipboard. “I’m Yujin, but you probably already know that. I think it’s good to introduce ourselves, though, because I’m going to be ordering a lot of packages.”

He signs the delivery slip and hands the clipboard back to Taerae, beaming at the older boy. “Do you want to come inside? I think I need help carrying everything, please.”

Taerae frowns a little, scanning the echoing marble foyer behind Yujin and the glittering chandelier hanging from the ceiling. “Are you sure? I could be a murderer.”

Yujin giggles, bending down and taking the package on top of the pile. It isn’t very heavy. “A real murderer wouldn’t say that, hyung!” He tells Taerae and then holds the door wide, beckoning the boy inside. 

Together they troop up the spiraling staircase to his room, crossing fluffy carpets and passing by grim paintings of Yujin’s ancestors. Taerae looks around with wide eyes, taking in the statues tucked into alcoves and the size of the mansion. 

“Ah, Yujin-ssi,” he says delicately, following Yujin into his bedroom. “Are you part of a chaebol family?”

Yujin hums, sitting down on the floor and tearing the package open. More notebooks spill out, seeds and dried flowers pressed into the thick covers. “Yeah,” he says, distracted, “my parents own some big companies or something. I don’t really pay attention to it, though.”

Taerae mutters something and then carefully sits on the carpet next to Yujin, still staring around his large room. Thankfully the whiteboard has been turned to the side that is full of Yujin’s scribbled notes. 

“It’s just like a drama,” the delivery boy whispers as Yujin takes the other packages from him and starts to open them. “Wow.”

Yujin hums but he isn’t really paying attention, too focused on the dance shoes in his lap. He hopes Hanbin will like whichever pair fits him. 

“Yujin-ssi,” Taerae asks again, “do you have servants? And an evil stepmother? And maybe an uncle conspiring to take over your parents' companies? Have you gotten into any accidents with white trucks recently?” 

Yujin giggles, dropping the shoes and turning to face Taerae. Their knees brush together and really, he can see that the other boy isn’t much older than him at all. 

“Taerae-hyung, you’re so funny,” he praises, smiling. “My life isn’t actually that exciting. Mostly I just go to school and do my homework. It’s kindof lonely.”

Taerae frowns, leaning forward a little. He smells like cinnamon and green apples– comforting and warm. “Really? You have all this money and live in a mansion and you’re still lonely?” 

Yujin nods sadly, fiddling with the notebooks. “Yeah,” he agrees but then he thinks about his friends– his packmates – and perks up. “But I have friends now! They’re really nice and they make sure I’m not lonely.”

“Good,” Taerae says, patting his knee. “Just watch out for white trucks and all of your uncles, okay?”

“I promise, hyung,” Yujin giggles, holding his pinky out. Taerae grins at him, showing off his nice teeth and deep dimples, and hooks their fingers together.

He walks Taerae down the stairs and they linger together in the foyer, a feeling like they both want to say more but don’t quite know how. 

“Hyung,” Yujin says impulsively as Taerae raises his hand to wave goodbye. “Will you come back?”

“Sure, Yujin-ah,” Taerae agrees, flashing his sweet dimples. “As long as you keep ordering stuff, I’ll be here.” 

“Okay!” Yujin chirps, suddenly determined. He’s going to buy so many things from Amazon now. “Bye for now, hyung! Drive safely!” 

They wave goodbye and Yujin watches Taerae drive away in his dark brown delivery truck, the first beginnings of a plan coming together in his head. 

This is so great, he thinks to himself, feeling satisfied as he shuts the heavy front door. Everything is going so well– I’m building the perfect pack. 

♡♡♡

On Wednesday Yujin meets Gunwook and Gyuvin at their school, dragging them over to his car because today is the day he gets to bring them home with him. He’s so excited that he’d barely made it through the day and he hadn’t paid attention in a single one of his classes, unable to focus. 

“Hyungs!” He practically screeches, burrowing down in between them inside the car as Mr. Kim peels away from the curb. “I’m so excited!” 

Gunwook and Gyuvin are both holding him, their shoulders and hips and thighs pressed against Yujin despite the roomy backseat of the car. All three of them are vibrating with happiness as they tell him about their most recent soccer game, which they won, and during which Gunwook scored twice. 

“Hyungs,” Yujin says, a little nervous as the car turns a corner. “Can we stop at Starbucks? There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Sure, Yujinnie,” Gunwook says easily, squeezing their hands. “Anyone you like must be the nicest person ever.”

“Yeah, almost as nice as us,” Gyuvin agrees and Yujin flushes warm and happy, clutching their hands tightly. He pulls them into the empty Starbucks and up to the counter where Hanbin waits; the older boy is working today because Yujin had asked to see him. 

“Yujin-ah,” Hanbin says, smiling at him. “Are these your friends?” 

“Hi hyungie!” Yujin replies cheerfully, raising their clasped hands and waving at the older boy. “These are my packmates, Gyuvin-hyung and Gunwook-hyung.” 

The other boys greet Hanbin, smiling, and Yujin feels so warm and happy that he could burst. Hanbin asks about their environmental club and Gunwook tells him excitedly about the trees he wants to plant in the spring and when Gyuvin gets distracted, Hanbin gives him a cake pop.

“Hyungie, could we please have drinks?” Yujin asks politely after several minutes, trusting Hanbin to know what to make. 

“Sure, angel,” Hanbin says easily, tapping at the screen. “Gunwook-ah, Gyuvin-ah, have you met Zhang Hao-ssi yet?” 

“We have, but only for a little while!” Gunwook says happily, peering over the counter as Hanbin mixes their drinks. “I’m really excited to see him again, he’s so nice! And Yujinnie says Zhang Hao-ssi will be part of our pack too, so we should get to know him better.”

Hanbin hums, glancing up at Yujin who’s leaning against Gyuvin’s chest and nibbling on the cake pop. “Yujin-ah,” he says teasingly, “what’s this pack I keep hearing about? And why am I not in it?” 

Yujin thrusts the cake pop back into Gyuvin’s hand and extracts himself from the older boy's arms, almost squeaking with joy. “Hyung,” he exclaims, standing on his tiptoes, “do you mean it? You want to be part of our pack?” 

Yujin still takes the sparkly blue folder everywhere he goes and he’s been meaning to bring the topic up with Hanbin, has been wanting to give him one of the important papers for a while now. But he’s been scared to do it, worried that Hanbin maybe doesn’t like him enough or will think Yujin is too immature, and he’d also wanted the barista to meet Gunwook and Gyuvin first to make sure they’d all get along.

“Sure, Yujin-ah,” Hanbin replies, dimples creasing his cheeks. He flicks his wrist expertly and covers the drinks in spirals of whipped cream. “It sounds like fun.” 

Yujin teeters on his toes for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip, and then makes a high pitched sound. “I have to ask my packmates,” he tells Hanbin in a rush, making his eyes as wide and glossy as possible. “But I want you to join, hyung, I just– I just have to check with them.”

He’s terrified of hurting Hanbin’s feelings or accidentally pushing him away but the barista nods amicably, glancing at Gunwook and Gyuvin hovering at the teenagers shoulders. “That’s fine, Yujin-ah,” he agrees. “Take as much time as you need to consider my application.”

The teenager spins and grabs both boys by the hands, dragging them over to an empty corner of the cafe. The three of them huddle together in a little circle, heads bent together for secrecy. 

“Hyungs,” Yujin whispers, peeking around the empty cafe, “what do you think? Would you be okay with Hanbin-hyung joining our pack? Do you like him?” 

Gyuvin looks like he’s trying very hard to be serious but isn’t quite managing it, his eyes dancing. “I don’t know, Yujin-ah,” he whispers loudly, “are we sure he’s a good person? He could be an undercover spy!” 

“Gyuvin-hyung, don’t be silly,” Gunwook scolds, carefully extracting Yujin’s fingers from his mouth as the teenager tries to gnaw his nails off. “He seems really nice and he didn’t charge us for the drinks. I like him.”

Yujin gives Gunwook a glowing look, thankful and happy beyond belief that one of his definite packmates likes this person he so badly wants to join them. “I like him too,” he says happily, “he’s so nice, Gunwook-hyung, you’ll like him even more once you get to know him.”

Together they turn to Gyuvin, staring at him with wide eyes and exaggerated pouts. “Please, Gyuvinnie-hyung,” Yujin wheedles, hoping he looks cute today, “please say yes. Don’t you like him?” 

“Please, Gyuvin-hyung,” Gunwook echoes, “he’ll probably give us free drinks if we let him join our pack.” 

“Okay!” Gyuvin relents, letting out a loud laugh when Gunwook and Yujin throw themselves at him and wrap him up in a breathless hug. “Okay, don’t suffocate me, I want my drink!” 

“Hyung-ah, thank you,” Yujin says very happily, his shoulders losing all their tension. He pulls his phone out, clicking the green button to call Matthew because he needs to ask his first pack member his opinion too. 

Yujin knows from Matthew’s schedule that he’s free right now because he only has one morning class on Wednesdays. The phone rings twice and then Matthew picks up, chatter audible in the background. 

“Yujin-ah? Are you okay?” 

“I’m great, hyung!” Yujin chirps, waving off a curious Gunwook and Gyuvin. “I’m sorry, are you busy right now?” 

“No, I’m not busy,” Matthew says fondly, “and even if I was, I’m always free for you. What’s up?” 

“Well,” Yujin says, drawing out the word like he always does when he’s about to ask for something. “You know how we have our pack?” 

“Yeah, your friends.” 

“Our friends,” Yujin corrects, thinking that he really needs to introduce Matthew to everyone else. “But yeah! Well, I found someone else really nice who I want to join but I need to ask you first.” 

All the YouTube videos and historical books had been very clear on this. Once a pack started to form, any new additions absolutely had to be approved by all existing pack members. 

Yujin would like to also ask Zhang Hao for his approval but the older boy isn’t officially part of their pack yet, though he’s almost sure his hyung liked Hanbin. 

Matthew hums into the phone, the chatter quieting down a little as if he’s cupped the device with his hand. “Tell me about them,” he says and Yujin feels a swell of affection in his chest. 

“His name is Hanbin,” he says quietly, staring down at his sneakers. “He’s a barista at Starbucks but also a dance major in college. He makes really good drinks and he believes in me and he has cute dimples.”

Matthew laughs, warm and soft like the night they’d met, and Yujin thinks again about how lucky he is to have found so many wonderful pack members already. “He sounds great, Yujin-ah,” Matthew murmurs, “and I trust your judgment. If you want him in the pack, it’s okay with me.”

“Oh, hyung, thank you,” Yujin breathes, pressing his trembling fingertips against his chest. “Thank you so much, I’m so happy.” 

Matthew laughs again and murmurs a sweet goodbye, reminding Yujin that they’re meeting up on Sunday to see the Han river. 

Yujin skips over to the counter, ignoring their tray of drinks and beaming at a waiting Hanbin. “Hyung!” He trills, pulling the folder from his backpack and waving it around. “We talked and we want you in our pack!” 

He takes a form out of the folder and slides it over to Hanbin, leaning across the counter and grinning at the barista with his face propped up in his hands. “Hyungie,” he breathes, “just sign this and then you’ll be part of our pack. I’m so excited!” 

Hanbin pinches his cheek and signs the form after barely glancing at it, watching Yujin tuck it back into his folder with a fond expression. Warmth presses against his sides as Gunwook and Gyuvin lean over the counter too, all three teenagers beaming at Hanbin. 

“Welcome to our pack, Hanbin-hyung,” Gunwook says, sweet and polite as ever. “Can we hang out with you sometime?” 

“It’s up to Yujinnie,” Hanbin says but he smiles at Gunwook and pats his arm. “But I work most  afternoons– do you go to school nearby?” 

“Gyuvin-hyung and I do,” Gunwook says, “we go to St. Mary’s. Can we come by after classes to see you?” 

Yujin leans deeper into Gyuvin’s chest and beams as his packmates make plans to spend time together, completely of their own accord. He’s so pleased that he can only smile at them, overjoyed that these three boys he cares about seem to be getting on so well. 

It’s really happening, Yujin thinks giddily, my pack is starting to be real. My packmates– my chosen family. 

♡♡♡

They enter Yujin’s mansion in a flurry of laughter and almost-spilled drinks, Yujin bouncing around because he’s just so happy to be inviting friends to his house for the first time in his life. He’s never hosted before and he’s a little unsure how to do it– should he offer them canapés? A cheese platter? A business merger?

“Yujinnie, this is your house?” Gyuvin breathes, craning his neck back to stare up at the high ceilings and arched windows. “It’s so big!” 

“We should play hide and seek later,” Gunwook says, slipping his shoes off and following Yujin towards the kitchen. “There’s tons of places to hide!” 

“Okay,” Yujin agrees cheerfully and then calls out, “hyungie, we’re home!” 

Zhang Hao comes hurrying out of the kitchen, the sleeves of his sweatshirt pushed up and his cheeks flushed faintly pink.

“Hello!” He greets them happily, squeezing Yujin’s shoulder. “It’s so nice to see you again! Gunwookie, Gyuvinnie, how are you? Are you winning your soccer season?” 

They chatter about soccer and the season finale as Zhang Hao settles them into the kitchen, pouring cups of strawberry milk and handing out plates of warm kimbap rolls. Yujin gives him the drink Hanbin had sent home with them, fragrant mint steam spilling from the cup, and Zhang Hao smiles at it like it’s a golden bauble. 

Yujin sits in the middle of the kitchen, crunching on pretzels and simply enjoying having so many of his friends– his pack members– together. The sound of their voices overlapping, watching Zhang Hao be casually affectionate with the two teenagers just how he is with Yujin; it warms his heart so much he thinks it might burst into flames. 

He’s so happy. He feels as if the cracks in his heart from so many years of loneliness have begun to mend because of his newfound friends.

They love Yujin and he loves them and he can’t wait until they can live all together in their pack house and finally be a family; it’s going to be so perfect. 

Zhang Hao takes a pan of chocolate cupcakes from the oven a few minutes later and carefully sets them on a rack to cool, batting away all three teenagers when they reach out with hungry eyes. 

“No,” he chastises them, only laughing a little. “No, these are for later, they have to cool first! Go and play and I’ll call you when I need help frosting them– Yujinnie, why don’t you give your friends a tour?”

Yujin happily agrees and clasps his hands with Gunwook’s and Gyuvin’s, tugging them around the enormous mansion and chattering all the while. He shows them the indoor pool and the glass greenhouse filled with his mother’s prized orchids and he allows them to peek into the home gym even though he finds it boring. 

Gunwook lingers in the library for a long time, distracted by the rare books, and Gyuvin tugs them both into a game of pool inside the cigar room, though Yujin can never keep straight which balls are his. Finally he brings them to his bedroom, which he’d thoroughly cleaned, and flops onto his bed while his friends look around with wide eyes. 

The large whiteboard has been turned to hide the side with his pack’s pictures and information, only his scribbled notes visible. Recycled notebooks sit in a tall stack on his long desk and the two new plants shine emerald on his windowsill; Yujin hopes his hyungs notice them. 

“This is my room,” he announces blandly because he doesn’t feel very attached to the space; it’s just a temporary holding cell until they can all move in together and make a real home. The walls are painted a serious gray because his parents thought the former blue was too childish and most of his possessions consist of study books and sticky notes and things for school. 

Yujin’s real treasures, the things he really cares about, aren’t so physical. He might be the child of two extremely wealthy business people but in the end he’s grown up to be surprisingly unmaterialistic; he keeps his valuables in his heart, precious memories and his packmates’ names engraved on the beating organ. 

“It’s so big,” Gyuvin murmurs, opening Yujin’s enormous walk-in closet and shifting through the serious suits and button-up shirts and traditional jeogori and baji and vests hung within. “I share a room with my little brothers and it still isn’t as big as yours.” 

“Yujinnie, why do you have two iPads?” Gunwook asks from across the room where he’s bent over Yujin’s spacious desk, inspecting all his school supplies. 

“One’s for my science class and the other is just general notes stuff,” Yujin says, turning to press his cheek against the comforter as he watches his friends explore his room. “My school makes us buy at least one.” 

He’s bored with this topic of conversation but Zhang Hao’s been trying to teach him a little bit about the level of privilege he’s so accustomed to and so he tries to see his room through their eyes, tries to think about it not as a cell but as instead something unfamiliar and new. Yujin supposes it is very large for just one person and that, perhaps, he doesn’t need his own bathroom and hot tub and walk-in closet. 

“It must be so nice to grow up rich,” Gyuvin comments as he turns away from the closet and he doesn’t seem upset, exactly, but there’s a frown marring his sweet expression. “But also kindof weird. Were your parents always rich too?” 

Yujin hums, curling up on his side and reaching his arms out, silently calling for his packmates. He wants to tell Gyuvin that he’ll be very rich soon too, that he and Gunwook and any other members of their pack will never have to worry about money ever again, but.

It’s a bit of a boring conversation topic for today when all he wants is softness and cuddles. 

“I don’t really know,” he mutters as Gyuvin crawls onto the mattress beside him and flops atop him, their chests and shoulders pressed together. It feels very nice and Yujin tucks his face into Gyuvin’s shoulder, inhaling tangerine. “Probably? My grandparents live in a big house in the countryside, so.” 

“Yujinnie, you have plants!” Gunwook calls after several moments of warm, hazy silence. Both Gyuvin and Yujin open their eyes to glance over at their packmate where he stands by the windowsill, beaming at the two little plants. “And they’re real! What kind are they?” 

“I don’t know,” Yujin mumbles, sleepy and wanting nothing more than to put his face back into Gyuvin’s neck. “But I’m glad you like them, hyung. I got them because of you.” 

Gunwook spends a moment more looking over the plants, tracing his fingers delicately across their spiky green leaves, and then he crosses to the bed and joins them. Gyuvin and Yujin let out matching huffs of air when Gunwook flops down mostly on top of them but still they open up their arms for him, shuffling around until they can embrace one another like a three-headed monster. 

“Yujin-ah,” Gunwook says into the teenager’s neck, his arm thrown across Yujin’s waist and his other arm encircling Gyuvin’s shoulders. “Do you like your parents?” 

It’s the kind of frank question that only children or people still on the verge of childhood can ask. Yujin would probably be offended if he was older or more attached to his biological relatives but here, cuddled between his two youngest packmates and with the ease of childhood still glossing their shifts in conversation, he doesn’t even startle. 

“No,” he whispers against Gyuvin’s collarbone, hunching into Gunwook’s warm chest and wishing they never had to leave. “Not at all.” 

There’s silence for a few minutes more as his packmates digest his answer, probably rolling around possible words in their brains. Yujin isn’t worried, though. The sting of his parent’s indifference towards him lessens with each signed form he tucks into his sparkly blue folder. 

Already his family feels farther away, more distant and ephemeral when compared to the living, breathing warmth of his pack members. 

“I’m okay, though, hyungs,” he murmurs when he can tell that Gunwook or Gyuvin are readying to say something to try and soothe him despite the fact that he really doesn’t need it. “I have both of you now! And Zhang Hao-hyung and Hanbin-hyung, and Matthew-hyung.” 

“Matthew-ssi’s the person you called at Starbucks, right?” Gyuvin asks, shifting a little closer. His knee is pressing into Yujin’s hip but the teenager doesn’t mind at all. “Who is he?” 

Gunwook makes a curious sound from his other side and Yujin snuggles down between them, their heartbeats so close to his skin that it’s almost as if he can feel their hearts alongside his. He can’t believe he really hasn’t taken the time yet to tell them all about Matthew. 

“Matthew-hyung is the best!” Yujin starts, beaming at the ceiling as he remembers sharp eyes and sweet dimples and the scent of maple. “He’s so cool! He moved here from Canada and he has a lot of muscles and he’s studying history. He works at the convenience store down the street– that’s how we met!” 

Gyuvin huffs, apparently not sold yet on this newest packmate. “Do you like him better than us? I thought we were the best, Yujinnie.” 

“I’m jealous now,” Gunwook agrees, curling his arms and legs tighter around Yujin like he can keep the teenager all for himself. “We thought we were your favorite hyungs.” 

Yujin laughs, endeared and not at all worried. He knows once his packmates meet Matthew and hear his silly stories and pretty laugh, they’ll adore him just as much as he does. It’s impossible to meet the Canadian boy and not open to his warmth like a flower turning to the sun. 

“I like you all equally,” he tells them and even though he’s the youngest, he feels like a parent. “You’re all my favorite hyungs! I’m sorry you haven’t met Matthew-hyung yet, he’s just really busy with his job and school and he’s a little shy.” 

“I’m not sure I want to meet him,” Gyuvin grumbles but he shrinks down when Yujin whines softly, unhappy. 

“Hyungie, please? Please meet him? I promise you’ll really like him and besides, he’s part of our pack. He really needs friends to help him settle into Seoul.” 

“Ignore hyung, Yujinnie,” Gunwook murmurs, pressing his forehead against Yujin’s temple. “He’s always been bad at sharing– did I tell you that in elementary school he wouldn’t even let me borrow pencils? He’ll get over it.” 

“I’m sorry,” Gyuvin whispers meekly, his fingers curled against Yujin’s ribs. “I didn’t– I didn’t really mean it. Hyung’s sorry, Yujinnie. I’ll meet Matthew-ssi whenever he’s ready.” 

“Me too!” Gunwook chimes in, squeezing them both until their ribs creak. “Studying history sounds so cool, and we can ask him about Canada!” 

Yujin goes limp with relief, his heart swelling as he listens to his two youngest hyungs chatter about all the questions they want to ask Matthew and tentatively start to plan field-trips around Seoul they can take him on to show him the city. 

Everything will be okay, Yujin thinks contentedly, his heart beating warmth in his chest. I’ve found the best packmates in the whole world and they’re all going to love each other. 

Back downstairs in the warm kitchen that smells overwhelmingly of chocolate and sugar, Yujin and Gunwook and Gyuvin obediently wash their hands and roll their sleeves up as they prepare to frost the cooled cupcakes.

Zhang Hao is supervising them with a slightly strained smile on his face but when Yujin nuzzles against him and asks if he’s okay, the older boy softens and nods. 

“Okay, so you’re going to scoop the frosting into your piping bags,” Zhang Hao tells them a few minutes later, his nimble fingers pressing against Yujin’s spine as he ties the teenager’s apron for him. “And gently push it down to the bottom with your spatula.” 

Gunwook, frowning down at his piping bag and silver frosting tip like this is the most important thing he’s ever done in his life, nods. On Yujin’s other side Gyuvin is already scooping frosting into his piping bag, tongue sticking out between his teeth and a suspicious smear of something on his chin. 

Yujin carefully spoons frosting into his own bag, trying not to make a mess because he doesn’t want to upset Zhang Hao, and only laughing a little when Gyuvin accidentally pushes his frosting down and makes it spill across the counter. Zhang Hao throws up his hands and goes to get a sponge but he’s smiling and he pats Gyuvin’s head, assuring the younger boy that it’s really alright. 

Together they work hard to frost the cupcakes, using trial and error to figure out how much frosting to use and how to use the silver piping tips to make pretty patterns. Yujin’s concentrating so hard on using his frosting to make a perfect swirl that he doesn’t even notice Zhang Hao snapping pictures of them with his Polaroid, Gyuvin at his side already decorating his own cupcakes with the sprinkles and candy laid out for them. 

“Hyung, look!” Yujin cries in excitement once he’s finished with his cupcake and the perfect swirl of frosting that’s exactly like something from a cookbook. “Isn’t it so good?” 

He turns around, already beaming but wanting to see Zhang Hao’s answering smile, and instead finds that every other person in the kitchen is already looking at him. There’s a softness on their faces that stuns him a little, the love they feel for him so tangible that Yujin falters for a moment in the face of it. 

“Hyungs?” 

“It is perfect!” Gunwook exclaims, the first to recover. His own apron is coming undone and there’s golden edible glitter caught in his dark hair but he still bends over Yujin’s proffered cupcake, inspecting it seriously. “I think this one is too nice to eat, Yujinnie! We’ll have to put it in a museum so everyone can see it.” 

Yujin, despite knowing that he’s being gently teased, giggles. “Maybe we could just put it in the freezer,” he offers, turning the cupcake round and round in his sticky fingers. “And eat it next year? Or for a special occasion?” 

“Gunwookie, our child is so talented,” Gyuvin sighs and he too comes over to look at the cupcake, his hand warm on the nape of Yujin’s neck. The older boy is covered in more streaks of frosting and sprinkles and there’s a piece of red licorice tucked behind his ear like a pencil. Clearly, he’s been hard at work decorating his own cupcakes. “I think we should send him to SNU with the other geniuses.” 

Zhang Hao, leaning against the kitchen island, snorts. “Your child?” 

“Yes, Hao-hyung,” Gyuvin agrees seriously, blinking owlishly at the older boy. “Yujinnie is our child now. We adopted him and we’re going to raise him very well!” 

“But you get to co-parent with us,” Gunwook offers generously, sneaking a gummy shark from one of the bowls. “Gyuvin-hyung and I talked about it and decided you’re part of our family too.” 

Yujin smiles, his heart so warm in his chest that his cheeks start to turn pink. He likes this idea, this fantasy of the four of them as a little family very much. But… there are other people he wants in their family, other names and faces that have to be included too. 

“Don’t forget about Matthew-hyung!” He reminds them, finally setting down his perfect cupcake. “And Hanbin-hyung! They belong with us too.” 

“Hmm,” Zhang Hao hums, thoughtful. “Babies, do you want to do something nice for your Hanbin-hyung?”

All three of them perk up, standing to attention because they can hear a plan in Zhang Hao’s voice and if there’s anything children like, it’s a secret mission. 

A few minutes later they’ve bundled themselves back into their coats and shoes, a plastic container carefully held in Yujin’s hands as he waits impatiently for Zhang Hao to finish wrapping a scarf around his neck. Another container of cupcakes is already tucked away in the fridge because Gyuvin, of all people, had suggested that they save some of the treats for Matthew too. 

Yujin had flown at Gyuvin and covered his face in sloppy, chocolatey kisses when the older boy came up with the idea. 

Zhang Hao calls a taxi for them and they squish inside, chattering over each other as their oldest hyung makes sure they’re wearing their seatbelts and that Gunwook’s shoes are tied. Yujin can’t stop bouncing around, a thrill rippling through his chest at the good deed they’re about to do and the opportunity to have almost his entire pack gathered together. 

“Hyung, can we get more drinks?” Gyuvin asks as they file inside the Starbucks a few minutes later, warm coffee scented air blowing over them and defrosting their noses. “I think the cupcakes would go really well with something hot!” 

“Yes, but only if it’s tea,” Zhang Hao decides, ushering them forward towards the counter where a girl with pink hair is bent over her phone. “You’ve already had a lot of sugar today.” 

“Hello!” Yujin chirps, grinning at the girl but then looking all around for Hanbin. “Is Hanbin-hyung still here?” 

The girl blinks at him, then looks behind him where Gunwook and Gyuvin and Zhang Hao are crowded around too. “Um…,” she says slowly, “yes? He’s in the back on his break?” 

“Oh, that’s great!” Yujin says happily, already turning away. “We’ll just go back and see him then, thank you!” 

The girl only stares after them, open mouthed, as Yujin barrels towards the door marked with a Staff Only sign, Gunwook and Gyuvin following at his heels. Zhang Hao is calling out to them, maybe telling them not to trespass, but the three babies are intent on delivering the cupcakes they’d worked so hard to frost. 

“Hi hyung!” Yujin sings as he throws the door open, ducking into the small staff room that is empty save for Hanbin and several plastic tables and chairs. “We brought you a surprise!” 

Hanbin, halfway through sipping a cup of water, splutters and stands up. His eyes grow even wider when Zhang Hao enters the room, the tutor pink-cheeked and with wind blown, prettily tousled hair that compliments his rose-hue scarf. 

“I’m so sorry,” Zhang Hao apologizes breathlessly, tugging his gloves off and giving Hanbin a worried look. “Really, I didn’t mean for us to interrupt your rest time. We just… we made cupcakes and thought you might like some?” 

Hanbin, equally pink in the face and with his green apron a little askew, blinks. “Cupcakes?” He echoes, bemused. 

“Yes,” Yujin agrees firmly, sitting down at the table and opening the box. “Cupcakes. They’re for you, hyung! Hao-hyung baked them so they’re extra good.” 

“But we frosted them,” Gyuvin adds proudly. “I made the one with the glitter!” 

“Surprise!” Gunwook finishes, beaming at Zhang Hao and Hanbin who are still standing, frozen, gazing at one another. 

“You made these– for me?” Hanbin asks, something stilted in his words that Yujin can’t understand. He really hopes the hyungs hurry up because even though these cupcakes are Hanbin’s gift, he’d like to eat one too. 

“Ah,” Zhang Hao says and his face goes even pinker, like a hot July sunset. “Well. Um, we made them together. Do you like chocolate?” 

“I love chocolate,” Hanbin says, nodding so much that his shiny hair bounces a little. At Yujin’s side, Gyuvin smothers a laugh. 

They settle down all together at the round plastic table and though the staff room is dim and a little dusty and the hyungs are acting strange, Yujin is incandescently happy. Hanbin likes their cupcakes very much and compliments their decorating skills effusively and he brings them cups of sweet cocoa to wrap their chilled fingers around as they all talk over one another. 

That evening, long after Gyuvin and Gunwook have reluctantly returned to their own homes and Hanbin had sent them off with a wave and a heartfelt thank you, Yujin sits cross legged on his bed and stares down at the little squares of plastic spread out before him. 

He hadn’t realized Zhang Hao was taking pictures of them while they frosted the cupcakes but he’s so glad for his hyung, so thankful that the older boy had realized it was a memory Yujin would want to have immortalized. Five little polaroids sit on his white duvet, the lighting in them bright and cheerful so that Yujin can almost hear the sound of their laughter echoing from the pictures. 

In one photo Gyuvin’s been caught by Zhang Hao, a spoonful of frosting halfway to his mouth and a sour candy strip clutched in his other hand. He’s grinning, though, wide and bright and there’s nothing but laughter in his eyes as he looks at the camera. 

In the second photo Gunwook is pulling a funny face, his own fingers lifted to his head to create bunny ears. His purple apron is dusted in glitter and the plate of unfrosted cupcakes is just visible at his elbow. 

The third picture is of Yujin though he doesn’t remember his hyung taking it. He’s holding his perfect cupcake, beaming down at it, the curve of his round cheeks and soft nose highlighted by the light. Someone, probably Gyuvin, has stuck their fingers up behind his head to give him ears or horns. 

The fourth photo is a selfie of Zhang Hao, their hyung a little disheveled but still winking at the camera. The mole below his eye that Yujin always wants to touch is especially evident and his long lashes cast a shadow across his cheek, just as pretty as he is. 

And the last photo– the last photo is Yujin’s favorite.

He traces his fingertips over it for a long time, feeling the smooth plastic and trying not to let the tears teetering on his lashes fall. There’s so many emotions in his chest, almost all of them good, but he really wonders how a person can contain this much love without their ribs bursting open. 

Gunwook and Gyuvin and Yujin are all squished together in the last photo, their cheeks pressed together and wide smiles on their faces as they beam at the camera. They’re still wearing their aprons and they’re dusted in edible glitter and frosting and sprinkles but they look happy with their arms around each other. They look like they belong together.

Like a family. 

Sniffling, Yujin eventually climbs off his bed and goes over to his whiteboard, spinning it around. The side dedicated to visualizing his pack is still uncomfortably empty but it feels right, good, to stick the polaroids of Gunwook and Gyuvin and Zhang Hao under their names with magnets. 

There’s something official about the smiling pictures of his packmates when Yujin steps back to survey them. He erases their faded names from so long ago and writes them again in neatly blocky characters above the photos in a final, decisive claiming.

He’s only missing a picture of Hanbin now but still the board is too white and empty, still his fingers are itching with the need to do something, to physically create his pack. 

Remembering his ball of crimson yarn, Yujin pulls out a pair of scissors and gets to work. It’s easy to tape lines of yarn from each of his packmates to the central bubble that proclaims My Pack, the crimson so vibrant Yujin can almost imagine it’s blood and DNA that connects them all together instead of yarn. 

Mine, Yujin thinks in satisfaction as he sits back on his heels and studies his whiteboard a little breathlessly, gazing up at the smiling faces and red strings of fate that tie them all together now. This is my pack and I am going to keep them all.

♡♡♡

Yujin meets Matthew on Sunday, climbing out of the large black car and waving Mr. Jeon off with the reassurance that no one will try to kidnap him in daylight. It’s a pretty winter day, chilly and with a brisk breeze that rattles the few remaining leaves on the trees, but the sky is blue and the sun is managing to shine. 

Yujin wraps his fluffy scarf more securely around his neck and skips off, his mittened hands in his pockets and the container of cupcakes tucked under his arm as he searches for Matthew. It’s December now and so he moves quickly, gradually warming up, the Han river a sparkling blue snake to his left. 

“Yujin-ah!” Someone calls and Yujin starts to smile even before he turns around to see Matthew barreling towards him. The older boy wears a puffy black coat and light, baggy jeans, a giant grin making his whole face shine. 

“Hyungie!” Yujin calls back, pulling his hands out of his coat pockets and throwing his arms wide as he waits to be hugged.

Matthew runs straight into him and the teenager lets out an oof, exhaling all his air, and the world blurs as Matthew picks him up and spins him around in giddy circles. 

“Yujinnie, Yujinnie,” Matthew chants, both of them laughing because the world is a blur of brown and blue and dull green but none of it matters because they have each other. “Ah, I’m so happy! Today’s a good day, Yujinnie!” 

“Hyung, ‘m gonna be sick,” Yujin manages through his giggles, stumbling a little when Matthew puts him down. He clutches at the older boy's coat, hanging on for dear life as he tries to set his legs and vision to rights. “What happened?” 

“My apartment!” Matthew almost crows, his arms still tight around Yujin’s slim waist. He’s very strong– the teenager can feel his muscles even through the puffy coat he wears. “It’s all okay! I don’t have to move! My landlord actually decided to lower the rent– isn’t that amazing? It’s like a miracle, Yujinnie!”

Yujin grins at Matthew, happy because he’s happy and thankful for his idea. He wants so badly to be able to ease his pack’s worries and stresses, to make their lives smooth and give them only happiness. This was just a tiny step towards that goal but still he’s warmed thoroughly by Matthew’s exuberance. 

“Hyung, that is amazing,” he agrees, sticking his hands beneath Matthew’s coat. “I’m so happy! Should we celebrate with tteokbokki?”

They share a tub of hot, spicy, chewy rice cakes as they stroll along the river, Matthew in such a good mood that Yujin can’t help laughing at everything he says.

After they’ve finished the hot treat Yujin brings out the container of slightly squashed cupcakes and tells Matthew that he and the other members of their pack made them for him. Matthew beams at him and then asks for stories of their packmates as he and Yujin split the cupcakes and lick chocolate off their fingers while they walk. 

The older boy exclaims over every shift of the clouds and skeletal tree they pass, clearly in love with life today, and he’s so beautiful that Yujin can only enjoy the glow of existing around him. 

Like a star thrown into motion by the gravitational pull of a planet, so too does Yujin orbit his pack members. He is inexplicably drawn in by the warmth and beauty of them, as bewitched as any astronaut staring at the cosmos, and he thinks he could happily devote his whole life to their extraordinary glow.

♡♡♡

Packages continue to steadily arrive addressed to Yujin as the teenager buys increasingly frivolous things from Amazon just so he can see his favorite delivery worker. 

At first he’s good about purchasing things he does vaguely need or could possibly use in the future, like a miniature waffle maker in the shape of a heart and a new water bottle because Zhang Hao is always telling him to stay hydrated.

Each time his phone chimes with a notification he wrenches the front door open, his heart fluttering with excitement not for the packages but instead because of the boy with sweet dimples and a pretty smile waiting for him. It’s gotten so bad that now he lingers around the foyer, peering out the diamond panes of glass and searching the street beyond for the familiar brown truck. 

Their butler doesn’t even try to open the door anymore. He seems to have ceded his post to Yujin and now spends most of his time in the back garden, murmuring to the flowers and drinking a lot of coffee. 

With each package delivered and each purchase, Yujin and Taerae are able to steal a little time together. 

Those minutes where they stand in the foyer, grinning at each other and talking about music and the newest celebrity gossip, feel like a secret treat that the teenager has to clutch close to his chest. The chime of his phone has become so closely associated with Taerae’s warm hands and fluffy hair and honey voice that Yujin’s developed a Pavlovian response to any notifications he receives, peeking up and feeling the need to rip open cardboard boxes. 

Unfortunately, after a week or two of constant orders and a new series of boxes arriving every day, he’s started to run out of normal things to order.

His Amazon searches become increasingly wild and soon Yujin is the proud owner of a bright pink bubble gun, a onesie printed with giraffe spots, and an enormous bean bag that’s so large he could easily sleep on it. 

So perhaps his purchases haven’t been bad , or not useful, but Yujin is guiltily aware of the environmental impact of his shopping sprees thanks to Gunwook and, surprisingly, Hanbin. The two older boys have united in their determination to save the climate one paper straw and one reusable bag at a time and Yujin’s heard them lamenting how horrible Amazon and fast fashion and same-day shipping are for their planet.

And it’s not like he really needs anything that’s delivered to him– mostly, Yujin just wants and needs Taerae and he’s willing to do anything to  continue seeing the older boy. He’s learned more about Taerae and his life and those snippets of information have only increased his desire to keep the sweet new hyung. 

Taerae loves music in the same way Yujin does, though perhaps a bit more desperately, and his whole face lights up when he talks about singing or playing his guitar. He wants to be a singer, he’s told Yujin, and he’s working for the delivery service to save up enough money to enroll in music classes. 

Yujin hasn’t asked about Taerae’s family and the older boy hadn’t offered any information and really, that’s okay. Taerae will have a whole new family soon enough, if Yujin has his way, and he can’t wait for the day that he can pay all of his hyung’s tuition and tell him he can quit his delivery job. 

The doorbell chimes and Yujin, who has been crouched on the cold marble floor of the foyer chewing his nails, springs to his feet. He has the door open in a second and in another second he’s in Taerae’s arms, inhaling sugary cinnamon and relishing in the warmth of his newest hyung’s embrace. 

“You’re here, you’re here,” he chants, enjoying the way Taerae cradles him close even as he lets the packages drop carelessly to the floor. Clearly, Yujin is more precious to him than anything inside those brown boxes. 

“Yujinnie, did you have a good day?” Taerae asks like he always does. “Tell me what you learned today.” 

Yujin sighs a little and extracts himself so he can pick up the scattered boxes and bags, not allowing Taerae to help. They enter the mansion and go up to his room together as has become their tradition, stealing a few minutes before the older boy has to leave. 

“We learned about different types of cells in biology,” he says, setting the packages aside and settling on his beanbag, reaching out for Taerae. “It was really boring, hyung– wouldn’t you rather talk about Strong Woman Do Bong Soon ?” 

It’s another thing they have in common– their love for dramas and love triangles and all things romantic and fluffy-cute. Taerae makes a happy sound and sinks down on the beanbag beside him, curving into Yujin. He smells like cinnamon and apples and everything warm in the world. 

“I just can’t believe she lost her powers,” the older boy complains, “it’s so unfair! She was trying to help! She didn’t know that guy was in the elevator.”

“I just hope she ends up with CEO Min-Min,” Yujin says distractedly, playing with Taerae’a fingers and frowning at the calluses on his palm. “Hyung, are these from your job?” 

“No, from playing the guitar,” Taerae assures him, sounding fond. “Yujinnie, I told you not to worry. I’m really okay.” 

“Hyungie,” Yujin grumbles, frustrated. He looks up at Taerae and makes his eyes as enormous and shiny as they can go. “Can’t I please pay for your classes? You wouldn’t be so tired then and we could spend more time together.” 

Taerae hums, swirling his fingertips over Yujin’s baby-soft palm. “I couldn’t let you do that, Yujinnie. It would feel wrong. And are you really so rich that your parents wouldn’t notice?” 

Yujin flops back on the furry beanbag, spreading his limbs every which way. He stares up at the ceiling, a little morose. “Yeah,” he says, “they don’t care. As long as I go to school and don’t bother them, I don’t matter.” 

Taerae draws in a sharp breath. “Yujin-ah, you matter very much ,” he says and he sounds anxious, “please don’t ever think otherwise. You matter to me and I know you matter to those friends you’ve told me about– what do you call them?” 

“My pack,” Yujin replies and his heart glows at the words, warm and warmer at the remembrance of his little family. Suddenly he sits up, glimpsing his opportunity, and stares intently into Taerae’s pretty face. 

“Hyungie,” he asks, wrapping his fingers around Taerae’s wrists and holding on tight, trying to tie them together. “Do you want to be in my pack?” 

Taerae’s white teeth flash as he grins, his dimples so deep that Yujin fantasizes about sticking his fingers in them. “Yujinnie, you can’t really want me,” he murmurs, “I’m just a delivery boy. Shouldn’t you find rich friends like in a drama?”

Yujin scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I’m rich enough for all of us,” he dismisses, “and anyways, you’re the prettiest and the nicest and you sing really well. Of course I want you!”

Taerae goes pink and ducks his head, allowing his fluffy hair to cover his face. “And will your friends like me?” 

“Yes,” Yujin says emphatically even as he scans his room for the sparkly blue folder. “This isn’t Boy’s Over Flowers. They’ll love you just as much as I do, hyung. So please say yes?” 

Yujin has already informed his friends of Taerae’s presence in his life and received their blessing for the older boy to join their pack. 

Gyuvin and Gunwook, used to the request by now, had happily accepted on the condition that Taerae play soccer with them sometimes. Matthew had agreed too and had seemed quite excited about the fact that he and Taerae are the same age. 

He still doesn’t require Zhang Hao’s express permission, though he hopes that his hyung will like Taerae. Hanbin had seemed a bit confused by Yujin’s request but easily granted his permission, along with a request for the date of Yujin’s final game of the season. 

“Here, hyungie,” Yujin says, a little out of breath from scrambling around to find his folder. He takes out one of the last forms inside and hands it to Taerae along with a sparkly pink pen. “Just sign at the bottom! It’s really simple!” 

Taerae laughs and scrawls his signature across the dotted line. “You’re so cute,” he says fondly, “how did I get lucky enough to be your delivery man?” 

“Maybe it’s a sign we were supposed to be friends,” Yujin guesses, taking the precious piece of paper back and clutching it against his chest; he feels like he could fly. “But no matter how long it took for you to find me, I would’ve waited.” 

“Ah, angel,” Taerae coos, tugging Yujin back down to the beanbag and cuddling him in his lap, pressing their faces together. “I think maybe you’re the one who found me. You turned my whole life upside down!” 

Yujin makes a happy purring sound and tucks his head under Taerae’s chin, soaking in cinnamon warmth. “That’s good, right? It’s been a good change?” 

“The best, Yujinnie,” Taerae assures him, lightly petting his spine. “I look forward to seeing you every day– you have no idea how excited I get when I have packages to deliver to you. You’re so cute! And you make the best tea!” 

Yujin knows that last part is a lie. There’s a reason he’s been banned from ever attempting to cook anything by Zhang Hao, including boiling water for tea; now he just microwaves it. Still, he appreciates Taerae and how sweetly he lies in order to spare Yujin’s feelings. 

“I look forward to seeing you too, hyung,” he murmurs against Taerae’s rough uniform, dreaming of a day when he and his packmates will never have to part but can go everywhere, always, together. “I miss you whenever you have to go.” 

Taerae makes a soft sort of scoffing sound that doesn’t fool either of them and wraps his arms more tightly around Yujin, both of them luxuriating in the little bubble they create during these stolen moments. All too soon, though, his phone chimes to remind him of pending deliveries and Yujin trails after his packmate, walking him to the door. 

“Bye, Tae-hyungie,” he murmurs, suddenly a little choked up because he’s always having to say goodbye to his packmates and he hates it. He just wants to keep them; is that really so much to ask? “See you tomorrow?” 

“I’ll be here,” Taerae promises, something cracked in his voice that echoes the fractures spider-webbing Yujin’s heart. “Rain or shine, I’ll be here.” 

Yujin stands in his open doorway waving long after Taerae and his delivery truck have disappeared down the street. He feels especially cold and small when he finally goes back inside, the mansion echoing with so much silence around him that it’s deafening. 

That night Yujin curls up under his comforter after sending Taerae’s newly signed form to his lawyer and has a good cry. He knows logically that the salty tears won’t do anything but it’s cathartic to let them out, another small rebellion against his parents who believe that boys and men should never cry.  

In the morning Yujin writes Taerae’s name on the whiteboard and adds another string of red yarn, then stares at his pack members’ photos for a while, memorizing their bright smiles and remembering the feel of their arms around him. 

Matthew has told him before that the way he used to deal with his sadness upon first moving to Seoul was by keeping busy and so Yujin resolves to do just that. He’s determined to have his pack officially registered and living all together before the end of next year which means he has work to do and lots of it. 

Yujin will always want to spend time with his packmates, always wants to be near them and existing in the glow of their brilliance. To him these boys he’s found, or who have found him, are the cosmos and the galaxies and every shining thing in the sky. He craves their warmth and he lights up under their glow and he always, always wants to be with them. 

So Yujin orders loose dance clothes made from breathable athletic material on his way to school and he sends Hanbin a text asking if he’s really allowed to join the older boy at his dance studio for lessons. He texts Gunwook and Gyuvin about their upcoming weekly meeting and then sends several articles to Matthew about the best activities in Seoul, telling the older boy that he can choose what they do next. 

His classes speed by and Yujin drops by Starbucks to gather his customary order from Hanbin– mint tea with honey for Zhang Hao and a new secret menu drink each day that his hyung makes for him. Today the concoction is pink and frothy and topped off with strawberries, red syrup drizzled along the sides. 

“Hyung,” Yujin asks a little nervously as he lingers at the counter, uncaring that he’s taking Hanbin away from any other possible patrons because this is his hyung and packmate. “Did you see my text?” 

“Ah, Yujinnie, I did, sorry– I just was about to go into class when you sent it,” Hanbin reassures him, his long fingers expertly slotting paper straws into an empty basket. “Do you really want to come to my dance studio?” 

Yujin nods so hard that his teeth click together, a wide smile pushing his cheeks up. “Yes,” he agrees, butterflies swooping around in his belly. “I really do! Are you free at all this week?” 

Yujin wants to stop saying goodbye to his packmates. He wants to say hello , always, wants the world to be full of greetings and hugs and sweetness and the knowledge that he never, never has to part from his chosen family again. 

“I’m always free for you, Yujin-ah,” Hanbin agrees and his smile is so warm, so alive, that Yujin feels it like the glow of a campfire on his skin. He smiles and Hanbin smiles and the whole world seems to smile down on them as they make plans to meet on Thursday for their first dance class together. 

Yujin cradles that warm feeling in his belly the whole drive back to his mansion and when he walks inside, straight into Zhang Hao’s hug that smells of yuzu and old paper, the warmth only grows. He has so much love for his packmates, so much affection for these boys he’s collected to round out all the empty edges of his life, and that love burns in Yujin’s heart each time he is near them and even when they leave him. 

They sip their drinks and study a little poetry but mostly they watch a drama together and whine about how silly the main character is for not noticing the gorgeous, sweet second lead. Zhang Hao tells Yujin about his end of semester projects and assignments and even lets him read a little of his essays, which are very good. 

Yujin tells him about soccer practice, which has gotten very chilly indeed, and he asks his hyung for tips on helping Matthew settle into Seoul and he holds Zhang Hao’s hand while they talk so that his packmate always stays close to him. Sometimes they curl up under a fuzzy blanket together and watch tiny snowflakes drift from thy sky and Zhang Hao murmurs stories, in his lilting Korean, about Chinese dragons and murderous turtles and lucky foxes. 

The warmth of his hyung’s hand in his lingers even after Zhang Hao returns to his little apartment high in the city and Yujin falls asleep with the scents of gingerbread and yuzu on his skin, alone in his echoing house but kept company in his heart by his packmates’ affection. 

He welcomes Gyuvin and Gunwook into his house on Wednesday with bright eyes and a wide array of treats and they play a wild game of hide and seek that results in one broken vase and three floppy, laughing, sweaty boys. Then they settle down to watch the second Madagascar movie, which teaches Yujin all about Africa, and they fall asleep just like that in a puppy pile of limbs and happiness. 

Zhang Hao wakes them up by softly stroking their hair and tells them that their club meeting should probably be over, his voice warmer than the blankets draped over them. 

Yujin sends them all off with a hug and he isn’t quite so lonely, not when he has the promise of next week and the week after that and the week after that, too, with his packmates. Not when they’ve given him forever. 

On Thursday Yujin dons his new clothes and forgets the dance shoes and by the time he gets to the studio he’s running a little late, breathless with it, worried that Hanbin will think he doesn’t want to be here. He bursts through the doors of the studio, checking in with the receptionist as quickly as possible before racing down the hallway that smells of sweat and rubber to the correct practice room. 

“Hyung,” Yujin pants as he bursts through the door and instantly doubles over, fingers clenched around his bony kneecaps. “Hyung, I’m here, I made it! I’m not too late, right?” 

Hanbin, dressed in loose black pants and a black athletic shirt that clings to the sculpted muscles of his chest, turns from the wall of mirrors. There’s a dark cap pulled low over his face so that he almost looks like a villain in a drama, something sinister about him. 

Yujin, still panting, furrows his brows at this unfamiliar hyung and wonders where the smiling, friendly, glittery Hanbin has gone. Has he accidentally entered the wrong room? 

“Hanbin-hyung?” 

The tall man takes his hat off and instantly his face transforms, pretty eyes sparkling and dimples creasing the tops of his cheeks as he comes forward to hug Yujin in greeting. “Yujinnie, you found the right studio! Are you okay? You look a little pink. Hyung can bring you water?” 

Yujin flops against the barista in relief, inhaling gingerbread and salty sweat but not even caring because his hyung is right here and he isn’t angry, isn’t upset. “I’m okay, hyung. Just– hug me for a little bit?” 

Hanbin makes a low, purring sound in his chest and holds Yujin tighter, their reflection a single mass of black fabric as they lean into one another. It feels wonderful to be cradled close like this and Yujin takes comfort in the steady beat of his hyung’s heart, allows that rhythm to soothe him and regulate his own breathing. 

The older boy draws back before Yujin is really ready but there’s something of that dark, serious figure still in his face, a determined set to his mouth that the teenager’s never glimpsed before. “Ready to start, Yujin-ah?” He asks but it isn’t really a question, isn’t a true choice. 

So Yujin nods and sets down his stuff in the corner and tries to ignore the nervous snakes wriggling around in his stomach because, actually, he’s never danced before and he’s terrified that he won’t be good enough at it to please Hanbin. He never ever wants to disappoint any of his hyungs and he knows how special dancing is to Hanbin, how important; Yujin needs to be good at this. 

“We’re going to start with a warmup,” Hanbin instructs, going over to the sound system and tapping his phone; NCT Dream’s debut song blasts cheerfully from the speakers. “Just follow me.” 

The music is so loud that Yujin can’t even shout his agreement so he just nods and watches Hanbin like a hawk, flickering his eyes back and forth from his hyung’s reflection in the mirror to the real thing. His packmate dances like water, like he loves the choreography he’s moving his body through, and he never once misses a beat in the bubbly music. 

Yujin can’t keep up with all the things Hanbin does and after a minute or two of trying to memorize and understand everything he gives up and just enjoys the show, his mouth falling slightly open as he watches Hanbin dance like he was born to it. 

It’s almost as if his hyung is speaking another language, Yujin thinks, though instead of new words Hanbin has instead taken emotion and translated it into movement, has found a new way of communicating without ever opening his mouth. 

When the song fizzles to an end and Hanbin’s body stops moving he stands in silence, head bowed, chest heaving with rapid breaths. Yujin stares at him in amazement for a second and then claps wildly, slapping his palms together. 

“Hyung, that was amazing! You dance so, so well! Did you really come up with that all on your own?” 

Hanbin is flushed pink beneath his cap but it’s unclear if the color is from exertion or Yujin’s fervent compliments; either way, he smiles at the teenager and walks over to him, wrapping his arm around Yujin’s shoulders and guiding him towards the wall of mirrors. 

“Okay, Yujinnie,” he says and his voice is soothing but somehow teacher-like; Yujin stands to attention, automatically in school mode. He’s ready to learn and, like the good student he is, impress . “Let’s begin slowly, mm? We always start by positioning our feet– here, shoulder width apart.” 

And so the lesson starts and though dancing is like French to Yujin, only harder because he’s speaking with his gangly body instead of his mind, he tries and he sweats and he slowly learns the opening counts of the choreography. 

Soccer has given him stamina and a knack for moving his feet quickly but when he gets frustrated, unable to move his arms and chest and legs all at once, Hanbin reminds him that this is all just for fun and makes silly faces at Yujin in the mirror until he feels better. They dance together, side by side in the mirror until their exertion fogs up the glass and they could almost be the same person, could almost be biological siblings or a parent and child. 

Hanbin is an incredibly patient and kind teacher, forever willing to show him a move or a tricky twist over and over, and by the end of their first class together Yujin is laughing and pinker in the face than he’s ever been. 

So they agree to continue their dance lessons together and Yujin gives Hanbin the shoes and then runs away, giggling, before his hyung can try not to accept them. His heart– no, his whole body is flushed with warmth when he arrives back at the mansion after the class and Yujin smells deliciously of spiced, sweet gingerbread. 

As November passes and the leaves fall from the trees, Yujin grows more and more impatient to have his whole pack together. He wants Matthew to meet the other boys, desperately, and he’s absolutely sure that his very first packmate will benefit from their friendship too. 

Yet whenever he asks Matthew about his schedule, trying to find even a half hour of time during which all the pack members can meet, the older boy is always busy. There’s a surprise seminar that pops up, then a last minute assignment Matthew needs to work on, class or work or a visit to the doctor; there is always something that manages to keep all of them apart and Yujin can’t stand it. 

Gyuvin and Gunwook’s gentle teasing about Matthew not being real grates on his nerves more and more until, at last, Yujin breaks.

His packmates are gathered at his house for a marathon of the Harry Potter movies because, horribly, several of them have never watched the films before and have no idea why it’s bad to be a Slytherin. 

But Yujin can’t manage to sit still or pay attention to the characters on the screen, not when his entire mind is consumed by the nagging worry that Matthew won’t ever meet or bond with their packmates. 

“Hyungs,” he calls before he can think about it and, like always, that one word has a magical effect. Hanbin pauses the movie and everyone turns to look at Yujin, four pairs of eyes focused on him as if he’s the most important thing in the entire world. His cheeks pink a little at the feeling, but… he likes it, too. 

“Hyungs,” Yujin says again and then he takes a deep breath, holding it in his chest because he’s nervous. “Do you want to meet Matthew-hyung?”

That’s how all five of them end up walking hand in hand down his wide, lamplight street at almost midnight. They’re dressed in their pajamas and Hanbin has forgotten to take his slippers off and Zhang Hao’s hair is pushed back with a ridiculously fluffy pink hairband, but. 

But they’re finally, finally going to see Matthew and Gunwook is singing some catchy Justin Bieber song that makes Gyuvin laugh so hard he keeps having to stop so he can clutch at his stomach and Matthew’s little convenience store sells ice cream and soda and sour gummy candy, so everything is actually right with the world. 

Yujin practically skips down the street, tugging his packmates along with him, and when they reach the glowing convenience store it feels like a bright beacon of happiness and warmth when compared to the dark, shadowed night. He inhales bleach and Matthew’s scent of maple syrup as he steps inside, the bell jingling so merrily that it must echo Yujin’s own joy. 

“Hyungie!” He calls out, letting go of Zhang Hao to race through the small aisles towards the counter where his very first packmate will be. “Matthew-hyung!” 

Yujin practically crashes into the checkout counter and only avoids horrible bruises across his stomach and ribs because Matthew reaches out to catch him, the older boy sweeping him up with his strong muscles and keeping him out of harm’s way. The other members of their pack don’t quite realize that he’s perfectly fine and so they rush forward, reaching for Yujin with worried hands. 

“Yujinnie, please be careful ,” Zhang Hao scolds as he skates his hands lightly over the teenager’s plaid onesie, checking for any injuries. “Remember when you promised not to run away from me anymore?” 

Gyuvin is fake crying into Yujin’s hair, mumbling something about putting a safety helmet and kneepads on him, and Gunwook is gripping his hand so hard that it hurts a little. Only Hanbin really seems to be acting normally, though his arms are wrapped rather tightly around Yujin’s shoulders and he’s glaring at Matthew. 

“Hyungs, I’m fine!” Yujin chirps, overjoyed to have his pack together at long last. At the same time the other boys finally seem to register Matthew, who is already staring at them with wide, worried eyes. 

“Um,” Matthew says, releasing Yujin and backing away a little, putting space between himself and the teenager that really shouldn’t exist. Yujin whines and makes grabby hands at him, already missing sweet maple. “Um, hi? I’m Matthew?” 

“Matthew- hyung ,” Yujin emphasizes, struggling futilely against Hanbin’s arms that have somehow become bands of iron. “You can all finally meet each other! Matthew-hyung, these are our friends. Hyungs, this is Seok Matthew.” 

Yujin beams around at everyone, overflowing with joy because making his own pack has been so fun and his packmates are getting along so well and everything is really just so great. 

“Wow,” Gyuvin murmurs, taking his face out of Yujin’s hair and peering around the teenager at Matthew. “You’re real? Can I touch you just to make sure?” 

Matthew, looking even more terrified at this point, glances at Yujin and then gingerly extends his arm. Gyuvin reaches out to brush his fingertips over the older boy’s skin and they both jump at the contact, gasping a little before breaking into wide, embarrassed smiles. 

Everyone else in the small convenience store giggles, the hilarity of the night descending upon them as they remember that they’re wearing pajamas and are, actually, quite young. 

“It’s really nice to meet you all,” Matthew says to the gathered boys, his sharp eyes crinkled at them. One of his hands is wrapped around Yujin’s, their fingers laced tightly together so that they can draw support from one another. “I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you earlier like Yujinnie wanted.” 

“Matthew-yah, please don’t apologize,” Hanbin tells him warmly, his brightest smile on his pretty face. “We understand how busy you are and the wait was more than worth it. We’ve heard so many wonderful things about you from Yujinnie.” 

Matthew flushes wonderfully pink and ducks his head, tapping his finger anxiously against the back of Yujin’s hand. “That’s really nice, I’m– I’ve heard great stuff about all of you, too.” 

“That’s because I love all of you,” Yujin reasons, feeling as if all of this politeness is a bit silly and wanting to speed along the bonding process. “And I want us to all be friends. Can we?” 

Zhang Hao and Hanbin share a soft look over his head and Yujin feels as if he’s being coddled by his parents when they lean in to affectionately pat his shoulders but he also, secretly, doesn’t mind at all. He’s been so starved for kindness and attention his whole life that he soaks up every finger heart and kiss and embrace from his pack members.

“Matthew-hyung,” Gyuvin inquires politely, suddenly appearing with Gunwook in tow and his arms piled high with snacks. “Do we get a discount here because we’re your friends?” 

“Uh,” Matthew murmurs, his eyes widening a little. 

“We don’t need a discount because I brought money!” Yujin volunteers happily, unzipping the kangaroo pouch of his onesie and producing an enormous wad of cash, ignoring Zhang Hao’s eye roll. “Hyungs, will you pick out more snacks?” 

Gyuvin nods enthusiastically and sets down his first round of scavenged food, disappearing into the aisles of the small store again. Gunwook puts down his drinks, which include all of their favorite sodas, and smiles widely at Matthew so that his cheeks puff out. “Hi, Matthew-hyung. I’m Gunwook.” 

“Oh, you started the environmental club Yujinnie’s in!” Matthew says quickly, clearly pleased to know something. He grins at Gunwook, who is bouncing with happiness, and there’s a feeling like golden sunlight that shimmers between them for a moment. “It’s nice to meet you, Gunwook-ah.” 

“You can join our club too, hyung,” Gunwook tells him enthusiastically, leaning against the counter and ignoring the way Zhang Hao starts trying to fix the collar of his pajamas. “We meet every Wednesday at Yujinnie’s house? Right now we’re working on buying native flowering bushes to plant at our school to help the bees.” 

“That sounds like a great project,” Matthew says sincerely and, like proud parents, Zhang Hao and Hanbin once again beam. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to come to your meetings between work and school, but…. I’ve been wanting to visit the National Botanical Gardens? Would you like to go with me some time?” 

Gunwook, if possibly, beams even more brightly. “Okay,” he agrees enthusiastically, reaching out to hold Matthew’s free hand. The Canadian boy startles a little but Yujin squeezes his fingers soothingly. “I’d love to, hyung! We have a budget for club outings.” 

Matthew hums, nodding. “That would be nice,” he says, a little quietly. “But also– also, maybe we could just go as friends? If your parents are okay with it.” 

Yujin whines soundlessly, his heart overflowing with so much affection for his very first packmate and all his other pack members that he really, really thinks he could almost cry. They’re so cute and so sweet and he absolutely adores them. 

“Of course, hyung,” Gunwook agrees again, his smile so bright it dazzles. “Can Gyuvin-hyung and Yujinnie come too?”

Matthew smiles back and it’s like a sunrise cresting on his pretty, round face, like the first breath of air after a long while spent swimming underwater.

Yujin is in love. He’s in love with all of them, in love with Gyuvin as he comes back with more snacks and in love with Zhang Hao as he asks Matthew which days of the week he’s free and in love with Hanbin when he tells Matthew to call him hyung.

That first meeting with Matthew, late at night and in their pajamas, goes so well and is so full of laughter and smiles and translations between three languages that Yujin’s heart feels full to bursting. They wait with Matthew until his shift is over and then practically carry him back to the mansion, dressing him in Yujin’s too-short pajamas and plying him with food and warm blankets. 

Yujin bounces from packmate to packmate, wrapping his arms around Zhang Hao’s neck and holding Gunwook’s large hands and nuzzling against Matthew’s squishy cheeks until they’re both coated in the sweet scent of maple syrup. It’s the happiest night he’s known in the mansion and though they barely sleep, too full of questions and stories for one another, he doesn’t mind at all. 

Life goes on, sweetened by Matthew’s presence in their pack outings and playdates, and each day Yujin wakes up feeling as if his heart has grown in size overnight purely to accommodate the incredible affection he feels for his pack. 

Between club meetings on Wednesdays and dance practice with Hanbin on Thursdays and tutoring sessions with Zhang Hao every second in between, Yujin’s life is busier than it’s ever been.

He’s still preparing for the end of the soccer season with his team, which means extra training sessions, and he determinedly reserves at least one day each weekend to tour Seoul with Matthew, other members of their pack sometimes joining them. Packages continue to arrive in the afternoons and Yujin treasures the moments he’s able to steal with Taerae, bringing him little treats and following him to the door when he leaves. 

It feels good , to be living such a full life filled with so many loveable people. Yujin absolutely adores each of the boys in his pack and he lavishes his time and affection on them but always, constantly, he is hungry for more. 

But he isn’t at all alone anymore, not as he’s been for the first fifteen and a half years of his life, and so Yujin is grateful for each meeting and text and flurry of photos. He gives himself to his pack members wholeheartedly, entirely, without abandon because to his core Yujin is still a child and he hasn’t yet known the pain of loss. 

Best of all, as Yujin’s packmates fill up the empty spaces in his own life, so too do they add new threads of color and brightness to each other’s lives. It’s something that happens gradually, naturally, but one day Yujin comes home late after soccer practice to find Zhang Hao and Gyuvin sitting in the kitchen working through a math problem together. 

One Sunday he calls Matthew to ask if the older boy wants to go out for breakfast together only for Hanbin to answer the phone, warm amusement in his voice. Hanbin tells Yujin that he and Matthew are at the Seoul Museum of Art, looking at ancient paintings from the Goryeo kingdom period. 

They’d planned the outing entirely on their own, without any urging or direction from Yujin. The teenager is a little confused when he hangs up the phone but later that day Matthew sends him several selfies he and Hanbin had taken, wide smiles on both of their faces, and Yujin’s heart warms so much that it feels as if a fire is trapped in his chest. 

Yujin spends several happy hours printing out the selfies of Matthew and Hanbin and adding them to his whiteboard, lovely images of how close his pack will be in five or ten years floating through his head. 

He’s incredibly happy that his packmates all get along and even more overjoyed that they’ve started to bond independently of his own efforts, that they’re genuinely becoming friends with every other member of the pack. 

The first time Yujin walks into Hanbin’s dance studio to find Gunwook and Gyuvin stretching alongside the barista, he squeals with happiness. It’s the least productive practice they’ve ever had but also the silliest, all three younger boys flailing around with so much excitement that Hanbin eventually gives up on trying to teach them choreography and instead just lets them play around. 

They end up in a sweaty heap on the floor, heads resting on each other’s stomachs or thighs while they watch old videos of Hanbin’s dance competitions and heap him in praise until his ears are scarlet. 

As November draws to a close with icy gales and flurries of snowflakes that melt without ever mantling the city in white, Yujin realizes that his chosen family has adapted to being a pack almost flawlessly. 

Their unity and the strength of the bonds between them are proven on the day of his end of season soccer finale; a date Hanbin had apparently remembered and contacted everyone about because when Yujin troops out onto the field for practice, shivering, five of his six packmates are already gathered in the stands. 

He breaks away from his teammates instantly, ignoring his coach’s calls, and races towards the silver stands faster than he’s ever run in his whole life. His cleats kick up little puffs of too-green turf and the frozen wind is whipping at his cheeks but Yujin thunders up the metal steps and throws himself at his pack, on the verge of tears. 

“Hyungs,” he exclaims and his voice is muffled because they’re all hugging him, all five of them having jumped forward to ensure he had a soft landing. “You’re here! How are you here? How did you know?” 

Someone has draped their coat over him and someone else is chattering in his ear about all the snacks they brought to share and their scents are so mingled that he can’t pick out any individual thread of fragrance, and Yujin is so happy and warm. 

His heart is absolutely hammering in his chest and he can’t believe that they’re here, that they’re all gathered in puffy coats and scarves and gloves to watch just his practice before the finale, but he’s so thankful. If Yujin weren’t already in love with his packmates then this would be the moment that made him fall for them, would be when fireworks burst in his heart and Cupid’s arrow pierced through him. 

“Hanbin-ah was so sneaky,” Zhang Hao tells him even as he wraps a fuzzy scarf around Yujin’s neck, knotting it tightly. The teenager is still huddled up among his packmates, more lying on them than standing, but he’s absolutely disinclined to pull himself away from their warmth and ministrations. “He organized everything. We wanted to surprise you, Yujinnie.” 

“Surprise,” Gyuvin cheers too loudly in his ear, his cold fingers slipping under the hem of the teenager’s jersey to rest against his ribs like little bars of ice. “Are you surprised? Was it really a secret? I thought Gunwookie and I almost gave it away when we said we had detention today!” 

Yujin throws his head back and laughs, in love with his packmates and in love with the world. He doesn’t feel the cold at all anymore; everything is simply warm . “ Yes , you surprised me! I can’t believe you’re all here!” 

Hanbin, his teeth chattering lightly, pulls a knitted hat over Yujin’s head. The teenager can hear his coach shouting for him faintly, the sky rumbling ominously and wind whipping in frigid gales around them and yet he’s warmed through, not because of the hat and scarf but because of what they symbolize; his packmates’ care for him. 

“Yujinnie, I think you have to go,” Matthew says against his ear, the apples of the older boy’s cheek flushed rosy pink. “We’ll watch the whole time, okay? And when you have breaks come back– hyungs brought so many snacks for you.” 

“But don’t forget to hydrate!” Zhang Hao reminds him even as they start to release him, five pairs of hands helping him stand. “And tell your coach if it gets too cold. We’ll be right here if you need anything.” 

“Be lazy during practice,” Gyuvin reminds him, his arms threaded through Gunwook’s and Matthew’s and his nose bright red, “save your energy for the game!” 

“I really want you to win,” Gunwook agrees, shaking hair out of his eyes as the wind tugs at all of them, “the St. Joseph’s team deserves to lose for once, they’re so full of themselves.” 

Yujin nods, laughing, and then pulls a face when his coach yells his name again and then blows the whistle at him, the sound of it shrill and piercing even above the wind. “I’ll be back soon, hyungs!” He promises and then he’s turning and running back down the bleachers, racing across the turf towards where his teammates and coach wait for him. 

It’s the most miserable, coldest practice they’ve ever had and Yujin’s lips are purplish-blue during their break but he doesn’t care at all because in his chest, sustained by the five boys waving at him and cheering for him as he lightly jogs laps and practices weaving a soccer ball through cones, is a bright bonfire of love. 

They care. They remembered the day of his soccer finale and cleared their busy schedules just to come and watch him. They’re the only ones crazy enough to be sitting through his team’s practice and it’s got to be in the low digits right now but still they’re here, still they’re braving the weather and looming clouds and gales of winds just to be here for him. 

Yujin waves back at them whenever he passes the bleachers and laughs at the funny faces Gyuvin makes and actually manages to catch the packet of snack crackers Zhang Hao tosses him. The snacks taste like love and yuzu and he grins wildly at his coach when the older man finally calls them over to give them a break before the game actually begins. 

The instant he’s free of his teammates, Yujin sprints back across the field and into his packmates’ arms once more. He’s so cold that he feels hot and there’s nasty sweat on him and he knows he can’t smell good, not after all that running, but still they accept him. 

“Yujinnie, you’re an icicle,” Zhang Hao moans, squishing Yujin’s cheeks between his gloves like he can warm him up through sheer determination alone. “How long do you have before the game starts?” 

“Twenty five,” Yujin mumbles, his teeth chattering so hard in his mouth that he can barely talk. His fingers feel frozen around Zhang Hao’s wrists. “Twenty f-five minutes. Hyungie, I’m cold .” 

“I know, baby,” Zhang Hao comforts, a gleam in his eye that’s often seen in parents who lift cars off their trapped children. “C’mon. We’re getting you a hot drink.” 

The little group– their family, their pack– marches off in a huddle towards the coffee shop where Yujin had first met Gunwook and Gyuvin what feels like centuries ago. The store is packed with parents and families taking shelter from the iron sky and frigid winds but Zhang Hao shoulders right through them, ordering five steaming cups of cocoa with a dangerous look that dares the barista to make their drinks anything less than scalding. 

There aren’t enough empty chairs in the little shop and so Yujin perches on Hanbin’s lap, leaning back against his hyung’s chest and burrowing into the warmth of all the coats his pack have draped over him. Matthew puts his own gloves on Yujin’s hands, telling him that they’re from Canada and very good, and Gunwook and Gyuvin pull their chairs beside Hanbin’s so they can wrap their arms around Yujin as he shivers. 

Zhang Hao brings them their drinks and he looks like an angel as he slips through the crowd, the cocoa practically shining with heavenly light. It’s so hot that it burns Yujin’s tongue and the roof of his mouth but the warmth that pools in his stomach and thaws his insides is lovely . 

“Yujinnie,” Zhang Hao says once he’s able to open and close his hands and his teeth have stopped chattering so badly. Hanbin holds him securely in his lap, his head leaned against Yujin’s hair and the teenager kindof never wants to get up. He loves this, loves being surrounded and cared for by his pack so much . “Taerae-ssi texted. He wanted you to know that he’s cheering for you and your team and that he knows you’ll win, and that he’s very sorry he couldn’t be here.” 

“Okay,” Yujin breathes, understanding blooming in him. He’d wondered where his last hyung was but now he only hopes that Taerae is safe tonight, that he isn’t too cold in his delivery truck. “Thank you, hyung. Thank you all for coming to watch me.” 

He twists to look around at his packmates, making eye contact with all of them because even if Yujin doesn’t quite have the right words to convey how truly grateful he is to to them, how much this means to him, he at least hopes they’ll be able to see it in his eyes. 

“Like we’d miss your finale,” Gyuvin scoffs, slurping his cocoa, but his eyes are suspiciously bright. “We want to see you beat St. Joseph! This is the most important day ever, of course we had to be here.” 

“You were really good at practice,” Gunwook adds, “your team is definitely going to win! I’m really excited to watch you play for real.” 

Gyuvin and Gunwook, forever his baby hyungs and companions of mischief, smile brightly back at him. Yujin knows they understand best out of everyone what soccer means to him, how much he loves the thrill of each game, and so their praise means the world to him. 

“Me too,” Matthew says happily, perched on the arm of Zhang Hao’s chair and cradling his cocoa in his lap. His reddish-brown hair is tousled and his face is still very pink but unlike the rest of them he seems to be enjoying the cold weather. He’s like an arctic fox; made for the winter. “Watching a sports game is on my Korea bucket list. Back in Canada the big sport was ice hockey– let me know if you ever want to learn Yujinnie!” 

Yujin pictures ice and bruises and the terrifying, silvery lines of ice skates that he’s always worried will chop off a finger. “Um, okay hyung,” he agrees, silently vowing to never make it to a hockey rink. “I’ll think about it!” 

“Soccer seems much harder than dancing,” Hanbin says into Yujin’s hair, helping to steady the teenager’s heavy mug of cocoa as he lifts it to his mouth. “How do you run for so long?” 

Gyuvin laughs and Gunwook huffs and Yujin rolls his eyes and between the three of them they manage to explain the basic rules of soccer and the simpler mechanics of it to their hyungs over the next twenty-five minutes. Matthew keeps interjecting with stories about how soccer is a little different in Canada and Zhang Hao is still muttering the scoring system to himself, confused about penalty shots, but it’s happy.

It’s all happy, everything is glowing and sparkly bright and Yujin feels effervescent even as they brave the cold of the world again to walk back towards his school and the soccer field and the waiting crowd of dedicated, frozen spectators. 

He sheds his packs’ coats and gloves and scarves and accepts last kisses on his cheeks and wishes for luck, his skin glossed in the warmth of affection so that even in his uniform jersey and shorts, he isn’t cold. Yujin grins at his teammates when he rejoins them and even their coach seems brighter, somehow, the iron gray sky and ice-like wind unable to dampen his spirits. 

His packmates have come for him, are here still, and they’re going to watch him play. They remembered what was important to him and they showed up for him without him even asking, just because they wanted to. He loves them. He loves them. Yujin is terribly, wholeheartedly, head-over-heels in love. 

The game starts with a loud whistle and Yujin is off like a shot, running and passing the ball and occasionally shouting in frustration or joy when someone scores. He speeds across the field like the wind, his cleats kicking up tiny pieces of fake grass, but even over the wind in his ears and the shouts of the other boys and the noise from the crowd, he can hear his pack. 

Gyuvin is screaming himself hoarse and Gunwook’s clapping sounds like cymbals and Matthew and Hanbin and Zhang Hao are making absolute fools of themselves cheering for him but Yujin loves them. He’s glowing with iridescent happiness and suddenly this game that he’s been so stressed for, this all important finale, is simply fun. 

Yujin is sustained by his pack’s love and so he feels as if he could run for a thousand years, could play through snowstorms and icy rain and an earthquake even, but thankfully it doesn’t came to that. He races across the field in possession of the soccer ball, the world a blur of vibrant green and dull gray and screaming, flailing people in the stands. He can feel someone on his heels, can see the flash of a scarlet St. Joseph's uniform from the corner of his eye but then– 

Yujin passes the ball to his teammate and the other boy races down the field for a second more, an eternity, and then the ball soars through the air in a flash of black and white and– 

They win. Yujin screams until his throat hurts and jumps into an enormous pile with his teammates, all of them openly celebrating on the field in a horrible show of sportsmanship because they won they won they won . His coach is crying and the parents and families and friends of their team storm onto the field, a mass of bodies as they all congratulate each other and hug and shout their joy to the sky. 

Yujin’s packmates barrel into him, snatching him up in a group hug so that only the toes of his cleats touch the turf. They’re screaming congratulations in his ears and patting every part of him they can reach, so many arms and scents crushing him that he can’t tell they’re individual people. Yujin, in love and so overjoyed he’s on the verge of tears, burrows into their arms and soaks in his pack’s endless, unwavering love. 

He’s home. Here, in his pack’s embrace, he’s home .  

♡♡♡