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The library always gives him a bit of comfort during the summer. The only place where the dull colours of Grimmauld Place are ignorable because of all the knowledge that is hiding beneath the covers. A slither of hope. Right now, he reads about Animagi. If even his brother can become one, it couldn't be that hard. All of the sudden he feels a strange but familiar feeling in the back of his head.
Oh.
Before he can even make the effort to clear his head free, so she can not see anything, his mind bounced from one memory to the next. He sees himself in the Great Hall. Cut. Him at Potions class. Cut. His head is hurting from the rapid picture changes. Finally the picture turns into a movie.
It's a recent one. A happy one. With horror he sees himself again in Barty´s and Evan´s dorm. He frantically tries to shove his mother out of this memory but in his panic it's simply not possible.
Helpless he sees himself fidgeting in front of his two best friends. “I'm a boy.“ says the memory Regulus “and my name is Regulus“. It was the first time he ever told someone his name. His real name. It was also the first time he ever heard it rolling of the tongue of someone else. It was euphoric, now however tinted with the knowledge what is about to come.
The headache subsides slowly and he finds himself on the floor, cheeks wet, breathing heavy. Everything is silent. Way too silent. He does the only thing that could slightly ease what is about to happen. He perfected it with Sirius together. To keep them sane during punishment. It blocks everything out. Sounds. Emotions. Pain. He goes to his happy place. They created it when they were young and it changed with time. He knows that Sirius is a muggle music shop. His own is a Library. Filled with stories he can read. Mostly his own happy memories. All in Hogwarts or with his brother. He picks up his favourite one. His brother teaching him to fly on a broom. They were 5 and 6 years old. The yelling of his mother is a faint background noise. He only can make out a few words, the worst ones. Daughter. Girl. Disappointment. He never was called a disappointment. That's always been Sirius.
The abrupt pain of the Crutiatus curse drags him back to reality. It's an agonising feeling, from deep in his bones which radiates to the surface of his skin. He is aware of every single part of his body. It makes it impossible to go back to his library. Luckily the pain overwhelmed his brain so much that he couldn't hear a word from his Mother. He blinks open his eyes, when the sharp pain subsides bit by bit, but he knows it will take days to go completely.
Sirius stands there, shocked. When their eyes meet, Sirius' face becomes determined and he starts blinking rapidly, it is morse code. They learned morse code long ago to talk secretly with each other. He blinked: Sorry, help and hold on. That soothed Reg. Even Though their relationship is strained since he got sorted into Slytherin, at home, his brother always tried his best to protect him.
It seems their mother does not notice Sirius, too caught up in her rage towards her second child. That way Sirius could slip out of the room again without suspicion. Reg follows the sound of his footsteps upstairs til his attention is drawn back to the woman who gave birth to him. The only thing he can see in her eyes is hatred and disappointment. He averted his gaze, not able to see these things from his own mother. She grabs the Slytherin by his collar, yanks him upwards and drags him to the room next door. It was used as a greeting room when guests are over. Clearly to show off the Black family tree, cause on one wall hangs the tapestry that shows exactly that. The whole Family. Walburga stops right in front of it, shoves his face right to the spot where the embodiment of Regulus' face is. „That's your name! You're my daughter! I chose this name for you! Read it out!“ He stays silent. Does what he always does. Locks his true feelings away. Creates a mask. He averted his eyes away from the name that never felt like his own. “Read it! It will always be your name!“ She is wrong. He thinks back to the day Evan used Regulus for the first time. How right it felt. He felt indestructible. The same feeling overflows him at this moment. For the first time he wants to fight his mother. Fight for himself.
“No. It's not my name.“
Silence. The only sensation is the dull pain in his whole body.
“Then you are not a member of our family anymore. You are a shame to the name of Black!“
With a swing of her Wand his face is burned from the wall. She disowned him. Before he can think about the meaning, a sharp pain emerges from his back. His skin cut from his left shoulder to the right lower back. Another one on his right arm. He feels the warm fluid pouring down his fingers. His vision becomes blurry, as he feels a final cut along his right hip down to his knee. The black dots get bigger and bigger til the darkness wins over and everything is fading.
********************
Sirius runs up the stairs right into his room. He picks up the plain black notebook and scribbles a quick note into it:
Something happened. Meet me at Jame`s. I`m leaving.
He watches the words disappear but he does not wait for an answer. He crams the book and his wand in his already packed backpack. The backpack, which has been packed since he came back after his first year at Hogwarts. The emergency bag. He leaves it on his bed for now and goes next door in his sis- brothers room. He opens the closet and grabs the holdall from the bottom. He wants to pack a few clothes but he stops right when he holds the first item. A dress. That won't do it. He looks through his brother's clothes. Blouse, dress, skirt, jumper but skin fit. Frustrated, he faces the room again and looks for any items he may need. He finds the wand and a diary under his brother's pillow. He spins back to the bag, grabs it and goes straight to his room again.
He can hear his mother still yelling downstairs.
“You are a shame to the name of Black!“ He stops. An explosive sound rings in his ears and then screaming. Screams he is too familiar with. Without losing any more time he turns to his own wardrobe, crams every t-shirt and jumper he can find. Also a few joggers which may fit on his little brother. He stuffs both bags under his bed incase mother comes to him. He hears her footsteps coming up. He clears his head free of anything. His door opens with a creak.
“You don't have a sister anymore. She is dead, at least she will be. Kreacher gets rid of it when it's time. You are the heir of this family. You will marry a pureblood girl who provides you with children. And you will do anything to bring honour to the House of Black. Unless you want to end up like your disgraceful sister. Am I clear?“
His stomach turns. Worry mixing with fear for his brother makes him sick. He hopes he is not too late. He wants to scream and yell at her. He wants to fight. You can't help him if you do that. Remus' voice. Always Remus. With every willpower he can gather, he suppressed his rage and answers calmly.
“Yes mother.“
“Good. Now dress up properly. We will visit your cousin Bellatrix.“
With that she is gone. He follows her footsteps. She took the stairs further up. He hears a door close. With that he tore the bags from their hidden place and runs downstairs.
When he enters the room he sees a small figure on the ground, bleeding. Blood everywhere. Kreacher crouching next to it. Crying. “Kreacher“
“Kreacher was ordered to let mistress die. Mistress Black ordered to get rid of the body then.“
“I know. Listen, I know you like my... my sibling. Let me rescue them, please.“
“Kreacher can't disobey mistress Black.“
“I know. I don't expect you to. They are not dead yet so you are supposed to wait. I get them away and there is no body to get rid off.” He said that while dragging his unconscious brother to the fireplace. Keeping a firm arm around him and both bags on his back, he throws the pulver down. “Potter Manor” Kreachers form disappeared through the green flames.
**************
The floo roared to life. James looks up from the game of chess he is currently playing with his Mom. Just a few people have access to the floo at all times, close friends of his parents and James dormmates. For emergencies.
Remus steps out of the fireplace with a notebook clutched at his chest. Face drained of colour, gaze worried. His mom was already by his side, getting him to sit down. “What is wrong sweetheart?“
“Sirius. He wrote to me... he... I came as fast as I could.“ Remus is shaking his head to sort his thoughts. After a few breaths, James noticed his whole demeanour change. Surer. And angry. And well, calculated, like when he plans pranks. “He wrote that something happened and to meet him here. That's all. To be honest, at first I imagined the worst. But he could not have written something while passed out so I'm better now, still fucking worried.“
“Ok let's prepare some things. James get my case of healing potions from the bathroom. Remus help me with the table here so we get some room.“
With that James leaps up the stairs to the bathroom. There, he rummages through the cupboard til he finds the red bag. With that he makes his way downstairs again. The living room table was moved to the wall to make room in front of the couches. On the couch is a clean sheet now. Chess game forgotten on the table. Some figurines mixed up.
“I sent a patronus to your dad, so he won't use the floo. We need to keep it open in case Sirius comes through there.“
Now it was a waiting game. Or so he thought…
The fireplace roars to life. Sirius steps out and drags a body with him. “Help. Please she tried to kill… I could not stay.”
His mom is already casting a levitation spell on the person. Hair falls out of their face and James recognizes them instantly. Padfoots Sister. She looks so pale and… dead.
His mom lets her down as gently as she can. “James, blood replenishing potion, give it to her. Open her mouth and pour it in slowly so she won't choke on it.” James quickly grabbed the right potion and begins to work. In the corner of his eye, he can see his two best friends. Remus whispering in Sirius's ear, his arms wrapped around him. Sirius is crying. He hears his mother mumbling healing incantations. “Another one sweaty”. He takes the second potion out of the case. “Alright I got a strong pulse and all wounds are closed now. She should be awake by now… Unless… Sirius love, can you tell me what curses hit your sister? I assume the cuts were made by the diffindo charm right?”
Sirius' voice is weak when he answers. “No, not my sister. He is my brother. She found out. I couldn't protect him. I… I…”
“Deep breaths my love. It is ok, you brought him here. You are safe here.” Remus always manages to calm Sirius down like this. It was always like that. Since they were eleven. Remus always told him it has something to do with them both going through hard things during childhood and well still going through shit, but James secretly disagrees. He believes they are soulmates like his parents. Yes he believes in soulmates, sue him.
“Can you tell Effie what she did to your brother sweetheart?”
“She…she used the Cruciatus and then the Diffindo. But I think she used legilimency before that. That is the only thing that would make sense. He never would have told her. He never even told me…”
“Ok Sirius, good news, he is going to live. Bad news, the combination of the blood loss and the Cruciatus causes a sort of coma where the body is healing. I can't assist this process. We have to wait till he wakes up and i can't tell when that will be.”
After that statement, James helped his mom setting up the guest room, meanwhile Remus is cuddling Sirius to keep him rather calm by the side of his brother. When Sirius brother is situated in his new room, they create a plan. It should always be someone by his side, wich means shifts. Sirius and Remus take the first one and Effie insisted on doing the first night so that Sirius can get some rest. James is the first one early in the morning.
They keep that up day after day, without knowledge for how long.
***********************
Pain. Thats the first thing he feels. He gets dragged away from the pleasant nothingness back to the excruciating pain in every single bone of his body. He slowly opens his eyes and sees a white ceiling. No, that cant be right, Grimmauld place only has dark wood ceilings, not modern white ones. Where is he? He tries to tilt his head slowly but a silent whimper escaped his throat, caused by the sharp pain in his head. He hears a book being closed. A familiar sound. “Hey, you are awake. How are you feeling?” A familiar voice. “Lupin?” “At your service.” “ Where am I? Is Sirius…? “ “Your brother is fine, just asleep. And you are at James house? The Potter Manor.” James, Sirius' best friend. Sirius always said he is safe. “What happened? Why am I not dead?” Not that he wanted that, still a fucking miracle if you asked him. Last thing he remembers is his face blasted off the wall, and blood, alot of blood. “It was a close call, not gonna lie. You were practically bleeding out when Sirius stepped out of the fireplace with you. Euphemia, James mom patched you back together. But the blood loss and the cruciatus induced a kind of coma. You have been unconscious for a whole week now.” That shocked him to the core. A week is a fucking long time.“ I know it is a lot to take in. I am going to wake up Euphemia so she can check on you alright? Oh and your brother. He insisted on being woken up when something changes.” He gives Remus a short nod and he stands up and leaves the room.
The room itself looks like a basic guestroom. Brown closet and cupboard and a desk under a big window. The curtains are closed, the only source of light is a little night lamp on the bedside table. The door opens again and in comes a little woman. She looks kind and reminds him of Poppy Pomfrey even if they look nothing alike. “Hey sweet boy, how are you feeling?” He froze. Noone is supposed to know, he cant fight back. He is too weak. “Hey don't worry. I know what you are thinking. Sirius told us what happened and why you got attacked like that, even though I must admit that no reason is good enough to treat your own children like that. Especially them just being themself. You are safe here.” The words sink in slowly. A mother who accepts who he was is such a foreign concept, that he really has a hard time believing it. But then he thinks about James Potter, the one who was ready to take in Sirius just after the first school year, a boy who he saw giving first years hugs when they get a bad grade and suddenly he is sure that that woman in front of him is responsible for the kindness of one James Potter. He relaxes again. Remembering the first thing she asked him, he told her about the pain and she explains that it can take up to three days to fade completely which he already expected. Otherwise he is as good as new, just the scars from the cuts will probably be there forever. The door creaks open and there he is. His brother.
“You really are awake.” He stormed in and locked Regulus in a bruising hug. He melts into it. “I am so sorry. She will never harm you again, I make sure of that. I nearly lost my brother.”
Just hearing the word brother makes him tear up and tightening his arms around him. Pain be damned. After what feels like an eternity they separated again, Regulus now being in a seated position because Sirius literally dragged him up. “So brother of mine, what is your name? I am sick of always having to say ‘my brother’. “
“You will absolutely laugh at me for choosing this one.” “Come on it can't be that bad right? No, don't tell me you chose Edward or something like that.” “No don't worry it's worse, for you at least. I chose Regulus. Yes I decided to stick with family tradition.”
“Really? You had the perfect opportunity to distance yourself from the family and thats what you did? Reggie, you were supposed to be the smart one.”
“I am. And don't call me that. I chose the most gryffindor name there is. I mean literally the heart of the lion. I thought about you while choosing it.”
He saw a tear slipping down Sirius' cheek. “It really suits you Regulus.”
They hug again. And again. Every day.
A month passed and Regulus got comfortable living at the Potters.
He got a new haircut and clothes in which he finally feels like himself.
In just a month this house feels more like home than Grimmauld place ever did. In a week the new school year is going to begin. A new beginning also for Regulus. He switches dorms. His two best friends and him finally sharing a room like they were supposed to do all along. Packing his suitcase feels bittersweet this year. He loves Hogwarts, it always was a break from home for him but now leaving Potter Manor he realises how it should feel to go back to school. Grimmauld Place is after all just a house and not a home.