Chapter Text
Maladie en reve
I loan my respite on this chair, with the wind hurling itself toward my hair. It is November 19, 2020, lessons from this class had my mind strange - I had wished to run outside from this hell. I could see the elementary students playing sports, and along the classroom walls were ornate paintings.
I was 16 then, that my eyes were darting across this room just to escape the madness of my mind; or perhaps the madness of all things around.
"This again, Miss Rhael?" darn, I'm always a part of this world now am I
"Sorry, Sir, I was listening." I bragged through my sinful lips, whilst putting my hair behind my back and when the sight of the blackboard dawns upon me I kind of, regret saying I listened, nothing but a single thought came to me; as if I was grasping for the lesson yet it seems to escape...
god forbid that you won't ask any questions... please!
"Then you're ready enough to take the quiz, yes?" oh, well then, it got from bad to worse real quick huh. I nodded and twirled the pen betwixt my fingers, like stones by my nape I lowered my head, in my mind I prayed it'd be easy or at least get a thing right.
ugh, I can see a glint, wandering the room then into my fucking eye...! I turned to peruse my seatmates but no, I couldn't find whoever it is so easily...
"You all, get ready now, number your papers from 1 to 20. Date today: 19th of November..." there he goes, rambling on about how you shouldn't cheat, and there is still that glint - a flashlight? a mirror? Whatever it's starting to vex me...
Enough is enough, once I took another glance, this boy was laughing. I never really knew who he was but now there he is running his mill of laughter, and I'm the soaked clown beneath his jokes... grrr...
"Psst... Sorry, haha, but wanna share answers?" what a fucking shameless prick.
"Like I'm ever bright enough to give any." I snapped at him
"Come on, I know the lesson, well, half of it at least, please?" what is he trying to do here anyway? oh well, i leafed through the many pages of my quiz notebook to begin. I was not a spy, nor am I a genius so I'll take my opportunity.
A while after, the loud ringing of the bell was cracking through the halls, I turned in my paper with spite — I gave the teacher a discreet expression, there isn't anything I'm hiding, really it just feels like I'm supposed to be here at all.
Oh and it's that boy again, slipping pass through my other classmates, sly as a snake, huh...
Today, the twilight begins, of what I truly am — and it's safe to say that I might just fade into nothingness...
it's as if there's rustling about, and a humid air brushing through at me in the field. Then again, today feels like nothing more than a fever dream to me; the bridges of my heart are in a way, incomplete... there will be always something missing from my days, yet I am here now, with the hair of dark midnight, a body so aesthetically pleasing to women who moonlight as grunges and goth; and disgustingly, a prequisite for unwanted attention...
"Hey! Could you pass it over, miss?" Huh? Seriously... these kids, so it's that ball causing the rustling.
Cupping the ball, I made a fair toss for them to barely catch and one, with the white jersey waves to me, then they all go back at it. I wonder who he is, such a kind one; yet I barely know anyone here, even though I've been going here for the last 3 months — I'm mostly at home, tucked away in the sheets, preferably rotting, but no, God wants me to live so I'm here today.
I rolled my leg up, and got up, registering my departure from the field whilst I looked on the small crowd watching those the lot practice for their game. The glint from the sun dawned upon me and I shot my sight in different directions, I saw him again, that boy, he had a waxed smile while watching those two play, the 'Copycat', the nickname I gave him, had such a posture that... I can't tell, I'm not sure, he's fine but he gives me the creeps.
Later, whilst I was walking around the 'Silver Road' I held my bag tightly, with the sun blemishing my face - This was my favourite part of the day, to finally roll away from all that I love and hate. It's never to tumble carelessly onto my mattress, no, it's always this. The romanticized lonesomeness I've had since my life... or maybe since that day, ugh, now is not the time, Rhael, keep yourself straight.
Somehow... I can hear things behind me, like a following herd behind me and to my surprise there was a pebble barelling across the air and towards me.
"What the- ugh! You-" The grip I had on the situation was scarce; I found myself scratching the dirt below me.
"What? You've no right to be mad at me." My mind was working furiously to construe why he's before me... and to my realization, he's the same one who shunned me with that light.
"Why do you even say that?!"I handled myself back up and dusted off the impurities from the blazer I had fashioned for a good hour, at the time I never felt it but I knew I bruised my thighs mildly.
When I saw him again he was holding one thing most precious...
"I scratched your back, and you think I won't be looking for compensation?" This fucking...
"I gave you MY answers! Is this what this is all about? A fucking useless set of words on paper?" I snapped at him, each second this shit lasts I can't help but think to just tear him apart. He looks at me with those sadistic eyes, that mouth of his speaks god-forsaken poison...
"Answers that meant nothing to me, you fucking dumbass can't even provide a good damn answer." No... no... not that one precious thing, it's the book, the first book I ever held dear since the passing of my parents. His bitchy fingers are inching fucking closer... my stomach was swirling and my eyes felt like they were sinking - the ground felt soft to my toes and the breeze suddenly nonexistent.
"I don't owe you any fucking thing!" There... I growled, I poured myself into this moment, and when I stood my lip bled from how much I've bitten it. My fists were clenched so roughly that my nails began to sink into my paper-like skin, I rush my way to him, albeit to me it felt like I was running through heavy fabric...
In that moment I've no recollection of what I did... or how I was home, I just was. I was weary, wet, and my breath escaped me rapidly whilst I held this book tightly in my hand.
The empty, lightless roof above me was always the melancholic blue, and the only light in this house was from the fridge' bulb.
'Why am I missing everything...?' it's always been missing, something is, I can never find it, but the threads I had with people like: family, friends, and relatives... they felt real, like they existed.
"Rhael, what're you doing on the floor?" It's them, my sister, she's barely around, yet when I open my eyes in the morning she gives me something to cherish. The rapport we have, yet her tone was... less satisfied,
Her face to me was blurred by the darkness enveloping the room.
"Please don't tell me you've fallen in that river bank again." The lights dawned upon me, I retorted and hid my eyes from the light - now it felt hot, I realized why I was wet is because I was feeling hot.
"Hey, why are you bleeding this time around? What happened?" I can hear her closer, she's up close as her fingers were caressing my thigh - both left and right - the warmth of her hand always spoiled my worries, it had me at ease but I don't remember a thing, that's why it hurts more...
"Yukiko, am I home...?" It felt like I wasn't, like I was a star only foreign to the galaxy it's in. The gore on my thighs wasn't a pleasant show, it gave me nothing more than a gasp
"You've always been home, Rhael. Now take your uniform off, I'll clean you." The herd of her radiant hair frolicking up and about, the way she would always walk with grace, as if she were royalty
'Thank you, sis.' I said shallowly - yielding my body to this drowsiness... it feels like it'll be another night full of darkness, but I saw a glare; it was like snakes biting into me, my heart was harried but I couldn't be bothered to stay up much longer
//
The bright halls were flocked by students, and teachers alike; whereas the walk to my classroom had barely anyone going in and out.
"Hello, bitch." Disdain rushed within me... that voice, the wretched sound of my horror, why now, the sun hasn't even stoked the roof of this school and yet, him...
"What the hell do you want?" He had his fist clenched whilst the arm blocked my entry, the window on the door isn't clear enough for the teacher to see.
"Let's get outta here." Then he stretched out his pare-stricken hand...
SLAP
"You get the fuck away from m-" It's like tin shards digging inside of me, I can't, not with this fucking guy...
The feeling of being galvanised like commodity, no, I won't be disposed, I hate him and he hates me.
But I can't help but to think he's like a familliar I've never met - or maybe it's just my delusory belief.