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"I'm sorry," Melissa said to him later that night - or, technically, early in the morning, as it was long past midnight when they were finally able to go to bed. That on its own was unusual. Couples who were not married were not allowed to sleep in the same room - royal protocol. But to hell with protocol, Melissa and Simon deserved it after the exhausting past few days. So what if Melissa would have to sneak back out to her own room before anyone discovered her missing from her own bed? Being able to go to bed with Simon, curl up under the sheets with him and try to rest for a few hours before the sun rose was worth it. He was worth any adversity they’d face.
She couldn’t believe she had forgotten that so easily.
"What was that?" Simon asked, looking down at her. She was lying next to him, her head on his chest, their arms wrapped around each other as they tried to fall asleep.
"I said I'm sorry," Melissa said again. She couldn't wait until morning. She wouldn't be able to go to sleep until she apologized, not with the ugly feeling of guilt curled up tight in her stomach. She sat up, looking down to meet his eyes. He looked up at her with tired bewilderment. Why didn't he get it? "I was so quick to jump to conclusions about you, and you and Lynn, and I accused you of treason . I'm sorry, Simon."
Simon shrugged. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time. No harm done."
Melissa shook her head. “That’s not true. I should have trusted you. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me or do anything to harm Aldovia. You love this country. I know that.”
Whatever Amber and Richard’s doubts were, Simon had never acted with the intent to hurt Aldovia or its people. Melissa knew that more than anyone else.
“Melissa, my love,” Simon said, sitting up and taking her hands into his, “I believe you. I do. And looking back on the past few days, I can admit, my behaviour was a bit... suspicious." He grimaced. "Especially with Lynn. I should have realized what it must have looked like to you for me to spend so much time with her, and to sneak off to my room on the night of the baby shower was poor thinking on my part." He squeezed her hands. "I can't blame you for assuming the worst."
“But you should,” Melissa insisted. “If I look back on the past few days, I can see that everything I thought was suspicious was normal . You were excited to catch up with an old friend. When I asked you about Lynn, you told me the truth! You didn’t try to hide anything from me! And the one time you did, it was for a good reason.”
“How were you to know?” Simon protested. “Lynn and I were hiding in my room, you found evidence of us talking about the kingdom’s financial state, and I was acting sketchy , as you would put it.”
Melissa shook her head again, pulling her hands from Simon’s and pressing them to her forehead. He just kept blaming himself and not her. It wasn’t fair, not when he had every right to be upset with her. He had proven to her time and time again that he could be trusted. She had defended him to Amber and Richard just as many times, only to turn on him the second she felt a little insecure. Melissa couldn’t stand it.
“When I came back here,” Melissa said, her voice trembling, “after I found you with Lynn, you weren’t angry with me. You didn’t even ask me to apologize for what I said. You were just happy I came back. I should have realized then that you could never have lied to me.”
That night, when she had come back, she had seen the sheer relief in his eyes as she walked in. She had ignored it, thinking he was just like all the rest, relieved that he wouldn’t have to work for forgiveness and she’d stay no matter what he did. Now, it was all she could think about - how soft and grateful he sounded when he’d said “You came back”, how tightly he had hugged her, how his relief was nothing like any of her ex-boyfriend’s. He was just relieved that she had come back.
Melissa felt so stupid.
“I’m sorry, Simon,” she said, tears welling up.
“Melissa,” Simon whispered, pained. “Melissa, don’t cry.” He pulled her hands away from her face and held them tight, drawing them to his chest. “If it will make you feel better, then, yes, I was hurt when I found out.”
It did make her feel better, even while making her feel worse. She had hurt him, but at least he wasn’t just blaming himself.
“But look at you,” Simon continued. “You had spent days thinking I was a traitor and the moment you found out I wasn’t, you believed me. And look!” He held up her hand, showing her the diamond ring proudly shining on her left hand, smiling at her the way he always did when he tried to get her to smile. It worked - Melissa couldn’t help it. “You were back on my side so fast, you accepted my proposal! How can I be mad at you after that? You’ve more than proved yourself loyal to me. One lapse in judgement when emotions were high and things were stacked against me doesn’t change the fact that you’ve spent the past year defending me to Amber and Richard.”
Melissa looked down, swallowing hard. He was right, she was always the first to defend him. That made it worst, almost, that she had turned on him so quickly, no matter the circumstances. But Simon released one hand to take her by the chin and gently tilt her head up until she met his eyes. She saw the same relief and love he had looked at her with the night she’d returned to him.
“Melissa,” he said, squeezing her hand tightly, “I forgive you.”
Melissa’s lip trembled. Without warning she threw her arms around Simon’s neck and hugged him as tight as she could, burying her face in his shoulder. He responded in kind, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her as close to him as he could.
“Thank you,” she whispered to him. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Melissa sighed softly at his words. They alleviated some of the guilt twisting around in her guts, but not all of it.
“I think I was trying to sabotage myself,” Melissa admitted for the first time, even to herself. She had been wondering about it the whole week, alternating between thinking it was silly or if she actually was, but now, thinking about what she had expected of Simon, how she had compared him to her exes so many times, she knew the answer.
“What?”
“Something Amber said.” Melissa sighed, cringing with embarrassment. “All the times I’ve been heartbroken. You mean so much to me, Simon, and it scared me when I realized how many times I’d gotten hurt by someone I loved. I think I convinced myself to get the heartbreak over with sooner rather than later.” It sounded stupid, but Simon always listened to her stupid rants about her stupid exes, and he deserved to know the truth. “I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s true.”
There was a pause before Simon pulled back so they could look at each other, hands on her shoulders. He looked determined.
“I love you, Melissa,” he said firmly. “Anyone who broke your heart in the past were fools to do so, and if I could throw them in the dungeon for it, I would. Believe me when I say I understand letting issues with past relationships colour the new ones.”
The implication of Sofia’s past treatment of Simon was clear, and Melissa ground her teeth a bit at the reminder of Simon’s ex-wife. She'd throw Sofia into the dungeons herself if she had the chance.
“So I get it,” Simon said. “Trust me, I get it, and I would never hold that against you, just as I hope you’d never hold my issues against me.”
“Of course not,” Melissa said at once. She looked down at her ring, fiddling with it a bit. “I think we still need to work through that stuff, but I want to do that together.”
“Oh absolutely,” Simon agreed. He huffed a laugh. “You’d be surprised how much a single year of peasant life can change a royal perspective on therapy.”
“Oh, I bet a lot.”
“You’d be correct.” Simon fell back, settling under the covers once more. “Now, come on. It’s been a long day, we deserve our rest.”
Melissa wasn’t going to argue with him. But before she laid down, she had one thing to do first.
She leaned over Simon and kissed him, laying her hand gently on his cheek to pull him closer to her. He followed without much protest, one hand going up to hold her shoulder, as if pulling her down to him as much as she was pulling him up to her.
They parted, both of them smiling, and Melissa finally laid back down on the bed, arms wrapped around each other just as before, but without the weight of guilt laying so heavily on her.
"I'd throw Sofia in the dungeon for you," Melissa said, feeling the need to tell him. Simon chuckled.
A moment later, after they'd turned off the lights and settled into a comfortable silence as they tried to sleep, Simon suddenly said, so quietly Melissa almost didn't hear, "Thank you for coming back."
Melissa tightened her hold on him.
"Thank you for taking me back," she said just as quietly.
They were going to have to work out a lot of things - Melissa didn't want a repeat of Amber's almost disaster of a wedding due to lack of communication after all - but Melissa trusted they would be able to make it through. More importantly, that they would make it through together.