Chapter Text
Once upon a time there was a young boy named Deimos. Deimos was loved by all and a very caring male. Eh, who am I bullshitting? He was just barely tolerable. He was the kind of person that as soon as you saw his red hood, you’d groan and hope you weren’t his target for the day.
But despite being disagreeable, his brother Phobos and his… uh for the sake of the story, cousin, Doc, still loved him. Or at least that’s what they tried convincing Deimos.
Anyway, that morning Phobos ordered Deimos down to the living room. “You’re going out today.” He gestured to a basket with a variety of treats. “Doc isn’t feeling too great so you’re gonna go visit him.”
“What? Why me?”
“Because You have to. I have work.”
“I don’t have to go.”
“For fuck sake… yes you do. For the sake of the plot.” He hands the basket to Deimos who scowls. “Now don’t go talking to strangers…. Yada yada yada. Go.”
“Jeez feeling the love. Fucking bastard better be happy I’m doin this shit for him.” Deimos grumbled leaving the house dawning his red cape. “I’m too old for this shit….”
As he walked through the woods he couldn’t help wondering why the hell someone would endanger their child like this. This fairytale was fucked, like what mom kicks their kid out of the house to walk alone In a forest.
His thoughts were interrupted as he saw a field of beautiful flowers. He paused, feeling surprisingly giddy about flowers. “What the hell…? I don’t even like flowers…”
A few moments pass before he starts to pick them. “Oh what the hell? They’re pretty…”
Then came the big bad wolf, Hank who awkwardly stepped out from the bushes. He cleared his throat.
Deimos looks up. “Oh ‘sup.”
“What are you picking those flowers for…?” Hank asked, eying the goods in the basket.
“Wouldn’t you like to fucking know.”
“That’s… not the script…”
“Script Deez nuts.”
Hank simply sighed. “Okay. Whatever. I’ll just pretend you said the right thing.”
“Seeya… toooooddddles.~” Deimos snickered before skipping off with flowers now weaved into the basket. He’d also opted for putting a flower behind his ear. He was really getting into the part now.
Before long he arrived at his cousin's house. He pounds on the door, “Ay! Open up!”
No reply.
“I Said, ‘OPEN UP!’”
“Come in.” Hanks' voice came out high pitched and scratchy. It made Deimos giggle to himself. Doc didn’t have that high pitched voice.
Either way Deimos opened the door and set the basket on the table. “Alright, I’m outta here.”
“Deimos, just cooperate for once.” Hank was practically begging now.
“Ugh… Fine…. Jeez Doc! You look like shit! This sickness is really takin’ you out, huh?”
Hank rolled his eyes. This would have to do. “Oh yes… it was nice of you to stop by.”
“Yeah… man how’d you grow so fuckin tall? And a fuckin tail! And wolf ears… don’t tell me you’ve become a furry!”
“You’re ruining the story Deimos!” Came Doc’s voice from within the closet.
“It was an honest question, right hand to god.” Deimos pledged.
“Ugh… No I’m not a furry…” Hank finally answered.
“Oh yeah? Lemme see the tail then…” Deimos instinctively yanked on it after taking a few steps closer to Hank, the wolf. The moment he yanked it, Hank pinned him to the ground, ready to kill. “Hey!! Hey hey hey you can’t actually kill me!”
“I’ve had enough of your shit.” Hank snarls through bared teeth.
“Oh god…” Sanford the lumberjack has now entered the building. “I thought we weren’t taking this seriously!”
“He’s trying to kill me!” Deimos wails, now actively trying to hold off Hank’s claws.
“Sorry Hank…” Sanford mumbles before swinging his ax and chopping Hank’s head clean off. “That was less than ideal.”
“Thanks. My hero.~” Deimos bats his eyelashes at Sanford, hoping the other would manage to look past the blood splatter on him.
“No flirting right now… story time…” Sanford reminds Deimos.
“Oh, right. Ugh… oh nooooo my cousin! Doc! I still do not know where to find him! Looks like all these treats are mine to eat…” Deimos turns to the basket.
“Wait, that's really pretty, I like what you did with the flowers…” Sanford complimented, a little too curious about what was packed.
“Thanks~ I did it all by myself.”
“Ahem!” Came from the closet. Right, plot!
“Oh yeah… my cousin!!!!” Deimos continues to wail.
“I’ll help you find him.” Sanford promises, taking the male’s hands.
“Damn you’re so sexy when you talk to me like that…” Deimos happily looked up into the lumberjacks eyes with a satisfied grin.
“You’re surprisingly sexy with a red cape.”
“Oh yeah? I gotta wear it more for ya then….”
“AHEM!” Another loud cough from the closer.
“Okay sex can wait.” Sanford broke apart. “Let’s just get this over with.”
The two finally opened the closet revealing a pissed off Doc. “I was worried I'd start hearing moans.” He mumbled.
“Don’t be jealous.” Deimos snidely replied.
“As if. Anyways… Thank you Deimos and Sanford for saving me from the wretched wolf. Whatever will I do to repay you?”
“You can suck deez nuts.” Deimos grabs a snack from the basket.
“Ugh… you’re actually insufferable…”
“I think it’s charming.” Sanford cuts in.
So that’s the end of the story. Deimos got back home, Doc was cured and Sanford went back to his job. The big bad wolf, Hank, remains dead while his head is now on a mantle in Deimos’ Room. Deimos also made his coat into a cape for Phobos to wear so they could be Twinsies.
Moral of the story? Don’t talk to strangers. The end.