Work Text:
Listen up, pal, I just can't wrap my head around you. I'll never figure you out. You tell me you're never goin' back, and you've stuck to your word because now you goin' down. Ya hear me? Down.
(Had. Done.
Does the details even matter now?)
I already warned ya, "You do your thing, and I do mine." But I told ya, "I won't like it," and I sure as hell don't. You coulda gone the straight route, maybe been a mailman, lost track, started selling scrap metal, had some cookouts and watched ballgames. But no, 𝘆𝗼𝘂, you crazy bastard, actually did this. You're killin' me, speedin' and cruisin' and jerkin' backwards through life like you've been ridin' with the 18th Street. You call the shots, making moves on the streets, and you don't hold onto anything you can't ditch in 30 seconds flat if you sense the heat 'round the corner.
(You're spewing some serious nonsense.)
I keep thinking I'm the ice-cold bastard here. I been on my third marriage, and it's gone to hell again. I saw my stepdaughter taking her own life in the tub because I'm a lousy dad and an even worse husband. But compared to you? Compared to 𝗬𝗢𝗨? You make me feel like a better person because I know when to quit. I know when to drop everything and toss it in the gutter when there's no way left, and I always see the way. You know me. You know how I pick my battles, and my priorities are my TV and a cold beer that tastes like water and piss. You told me that's not the life for me, and maybe it's not, but at least my life won't be one where I'm constantly runnin' and glancin' over my shoulder every time I see some dude out for blood barreling toward me.
You're killin' me.
You're drivin' me nuts.
You're really getting to me.
One year, a whole year, and I've thought about it a lot. In this goddamn shithole of a motel with no G and no life, I've thought about it a lot. And I guess I've come to my peace and conclusion from that:
You and I, we're not so different, McCauley. Two sides of the same coin, one person divided into two, standing at the end of the spectrum.
But there's one thing that sets us apart.
I know when to stop.
And that's why I did my job better.
You're killin' me, McCauley.
You goddamn won't know about this,
but you killin' me.