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Kita looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, squinting at her face. She looked horrid this early in the morning. Her hair was unkempt, her pajamas ragged. She wished it wasn't a Monday. Things would have been much simpler if it was a weekend. Then, she didn't have to go to school. Just stay home in her room forever, without a care in the world.
Was this how Hitori felt?
Of course, there was also work she had to attend to, but it wasn't like she couldn't just take the day off. She knew the manager wouldn't mind. Although, band practice was also something that could get in the way; she couldn't miss that.
Ah, that was right. She had a band now.
Kita let out a deep sigh and leaned against the wall behind her. She really didn't want to do anything, and she didn't know why. Wasn't she supposed to be the one and only? The one who could pick everyone up just by exerting an enthusiastic attitude? That was what made her so infectious, wasn't it?
So why, of all days, did she feel this horrible?
She wanted to scream at the world, but her voice could barely speak. She wanted to do something, anything, to get out of whatever this was.
What was she feeling, anyway?
Kita wanted to think she was just having a bad day - which was probably true - but did she have any reason to? It wasn't like something had happened. Nothing happened at all, really. Maybe she was just being ungrateful. That was what it was.
Maybe she wanted people to think that she was suffocating in dread; that she was more than what meets the eye. She just wanted to make people feel bad for her.
What a selfish thing to do.
Kita liked to think she was a pretty transparent person, that all she did was in a good and wholehearted nature. She was a positive person, a hopeful one too!
Right?
No, that didn't sound right. What was she, anyway? Who was she? She tried to think of herself compared to Hitori, Nijika, Ryo, anyone.
How was she different from them?
Kita tried to think, moving from the bathroom to her bedroom. She stared at her unmade bed as she closed the door behind her. Sleeping a little more would be really nice right now. She could feel her eyes desperately wanting to close.
She shook her head. No, that wasn't what she had to do. Kita walked up to her closet, sliding the door open to find her school uniform.
Who is Ikuyo Kita? she thought to herself. She couldn't even find a definite answer by comparing herself to her other bandmates; how could she ever figure out who she was?
Comparisons, comparisons. That was all she was. There was no "Ikuyo Kita," there wasn't anything she was. Forget the "one and only," she was just... nothing.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. One could go on and on about what exactly "nothing" was, but Kita wasn't in the mood for that right now.
She checked her clock after putting on her uniform. She had some time before leaving for school. Kita walked to her bed and sat down. Laying down now might make her drift off the sleep.
Kita looked for a place to rest her eyes, her mind wandering. She found herself sighing again as her shoulders dropped.
She didn't feel necessarily sad at this moment. She didn't feel the urge to cry or sob; bawl her eyes out or whatever sad people did. What did feeling sad feel like? Had she really gone through anything to deserve feeling sad? Nothing happened, remember? Her day just started.
She probably didn't even feel worse than how Hitori felt on the daily, anyway. She was just trying to get attention. That was it. She could be happy right now - Kita knew she could, but maybe she just wanted people to pity her.
Ah, but feeling sad wasn't right.
Was she mad? Angry? That didn't feel right, either. Maybe something went wrong while she was sleeping. How else could she feel this terrible? Everything just felt so bleak, like her usual natural smile had just wiped off her face in her sleep. She just-
Kita looked at her clock again. She had to leave now. She lifted herself off her bed and gave herself another look in the mirror. She was still the same. That was her, Ikuyo Kita. Maybe she didn't know who she was now, but somewhere in the future, she would know. She had a band that would help her find out.
The days go by, so why not cherish them before they end?