Work Text:
Demeter stared up at the night sky, the moon was full and bright and the stars twinkled peacefully. She looked away from the moon and focused on her daughter, Jemima, who was only a few steps ahead of her. The red furred kitten turned to face her, “What’s wrong mom?’ the kitten asked her, a twinge of confusion creeping into her voice. Demeter walked up to the child and patted her on the head, “I'm alright. Just a little tired, that’s all,” she reassured the small queen, making sure to smile at her.
Jemima started to pout, “Is it really bedtime already?” she questioned, “But it only just became dark outside,” she added, staring wide eyed at her mother. Demeter sighed and grabbed her daughter’s paw, “Yes it is, sweetheart. It’s time for you to go to the den with the other kittens,” she chided while starting to lead Jemima off to the den she shared with the other kittens of the tribe.
The small kitten resisted, “Can I at least sleep with you tonight?” she asked Demeter. The golden colored queen sighed and stopped moving. She knelt down so that she was face to face with the kitten, “Mommy needs her alone time, sweetheart,” she explained, “And I'm sure that you don’t want to make Electra unhappy by not being with her tonight,” Demeter added.
The small queen’s face lit up at the sound of her friend’s name, “You’re right!” she shouted. Demeter giggled and stood up straight, grabbing her daughter’s paw once more and leading her to the den.
It only took a few minutes for them to reach their destination. Once they were there, Jemima quickly left her mother’s grasp and ran into the den, excited to be with her friends. Demeter turned and sighed, ready to go to her den and sleep.
The queen started to walk towards her den while letting her thoughts take full control of her mind. She thought about how much she wanted to be with Munkustrap at the moment, but she knew that he had an owner and that he has to return back to their house every day. She thought about her daughter, her wonderful energetic daughter, and of how much she actually wanted to be with her. But Demeter knew that she was scared, scared that something terrible might happen to the kitten if she wasn’t alway around others.
Demeter finally reached her den, leaving her distracted from her thoughts for a few moments. She pulled back the sheet covering the entrance and walked inside, making a beeline for the worn cat bed in the corner of the den. The queen reached the bed and she practically fell into it, closing her eyes and curling up as soon as she hit the fabric.
She squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to drift off into sleep as soon as possible so as to not let her thoughts take free reign of her mind again. She knew what would happen if she thought too much at this hour.
“... Demeter…”
The queen tried to clear her mind upon hearing the voice. She knew that it was all in her head. She knew that she was the only one that could make it go away.
“ Don't try to ignore me Demeter”
She shifted positions on the bed, tossing and turning while trying to dispel her thoughts. The voice had come back tonight, come back to torture her. This has happened multiple times in the past, and it has always happened whenever she let her thoughts run free at night. Sometimes it took the voice of her friend, Bombalurina. Sometimes it took the voice of her daughter. But tonight, it took her voice, it took her identity to torture her further.
Demeter tried to open her eyes, but something within her stopped her from doing so. “ Stop ignoring me and face the truth, Demeter'' the voice spoke from the darkness that hid beneath her eyes. Demeter stopped moving around in the bed, facing her fate and deciding to listen to the voice. She heard a laugh, “ Now to the point,” the voice started, “ You have known the truth for a very long time now Demeter. They don’t care about you, you’re not a true Jellicle. Everyone knows it, even you” the voice continued with.
The words felt like a punch in the gut. “...no…” Demeter thought, she didn’t want to accept it, she didn’t want to accept what the voice was saying. Another laugh, “ You’re such a foolish, absent minded creature, Demeter,” the voice mocked, “ You know that you don’t belong, you know that you don’t deserve the love other cat gives you”.
The queen tried to speak, to open her mouth and say something , but her body wouldn’t let her. “ And what about Jemima?” the voice questioned, “ Do you really believe that Munkustrap is her true father? Are you really that foolish?” the voice chided, its tone mocking and harsh. She listened to the mocking, the laughter, and yet she did nothing to stop it. She was completely helpless. She was trapped within her own mind, helpless and unable to escape it. “ Have you even seen her fur color? She doesn’t have a single speck of gray on her. In fact, she looks more like him than Munkustrap.” it sounded like the voice was yelling now, yelling at her to see the truth.
“Shut up!” Demeter yelled back within her mind. She tossed and turned in the bed, unable to stay still anymore. “ You still love him , don’t you?” the voice questioned, it was now back to the quiet tone it had before, “ Face it, Demeter, you know that they don’t care about you. You know that he is the only one that will and has ever truly loved you” it added. Demeter felt a tear somehow make its way out of her closed eye, “...please just go away…” she pleaded in her head, desperate for the mocking to end. A masculine laugh emerged from her thoughts, “ I don’t care about you Demeter, I never did ” it was now the voice of her lover, Munkustrap, “ it’s the truth, I'm only here to make Jemima happy. I never loved you. I would never, in my life, love a creature like you” the voice added, its tone dripping with hatred.
Demeter’s eyes shot open and she sat up in the bed, a loud scream erupting from her throat. She heard another laugh within her head, the voice had returned to taking her own, “ Face it Demeter,” it sounded far away, fading with every word it spoke, “ You still love Macavity, and you always will” it added, fading away completely after the final word.
The queen took quick, shallow breaths as she tried to comprehend what just happened to her. Tears streamed down her face as her paw gripped her chest. Her heartbeat was fast and erratic, it felt like she would die of a heart attack at any moment.
Eventually, everything calmed. The voices stopped, the tears dried, and her heart returned to its normal, slow pace. Demeter slowly laid back in the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling of the den. Her mouth was slightly agape, her eyes were half closed. She closed her eyes and heard another laugh, a familiar laugh. It sounded like him . The tom she always thought about, but never wanted to acknowledge. She finally drifted off into sleep as she heard one final thing from the voice.
“ And I'll always love you too”