Work Text:
The day after Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi had returned from the hospital, Qiao Ling finally allows herself a moment to break down. Now that everyone she cares for is safe ( or dead , the traitorous part of her mind whispers), she lets the emotions and stress of the past week finally catch up to her.
She had planned to have a moment alone at her house. But since the two residents of the studio were currently out grocery shopping, and she was too tired to move, she decided to just have that moment on the living room couch.
The events of the past week, especially those from a few days ago, ram full force into her mind. Lu Guang - how he was kidnapped and essentially tortured, and Cheng Xiaoshi taking a bullet for Lu Guang, and the bastard Qian Jin, and how he deserved worse than to simply be locked up in jail, and the fact that he killed Li Tianxi -
Qiao Ling simply can’t take it anymore. In the few hours she had known the real Li Tianxi, and not her brother mimicking her, she had come to think of her as a little sister in need of protection. But she was shot in cold blood, and with her last moments, urged her brother - who had used her, manipulated her, and then essentially abandoned her - to run.
But then her memories flowed into Qiao Ling. And she understood everything .
But now, she couldn’t bear to peer into the memories further. Because somehow, Lu Guang’s memories were there as well, which she assumed had something to do with her power. And within those, the dead body of Cheng Xiaoshi-
Nope. She is not going to think about this particular topic today.
“ Welcome in! ” The front door chimes, and oh shit- they’re back already-? How much time had passed-
“Qiao Ling~ we’re baaaack!” Cheng Xiaoshi calls out, the rustling noise of polythene bags accompanying him. Qiao Ling furiously wipes at her eyes, calling out a weak greeting in response.
“You don’t sound normal, Qiao Ling, are you-” Cheng Xiaoshi sticks his head into the living room, “-okay? Oh…”
“No, no, I’m fine,” Qiao Ling sniffles.
“No, you’re not. What’s wrong?” Cheng Xiaoshi plops himself on the floor in front of Qiao Ling, the groceries abandoned next to him.
“It’s just… all of the recent events have finally caught up to me, I guess. Especially Xixi’s death…” She wipes her eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears. She glances up, accidentally making eye contact with Lu Guang, who looks… oddly uncomfortable? He quickly breaks eye contact, running a hand through his hair. Weird.
Cheng Xiaoshi hadn’t noticed their little exchange. His head was bowed, remorse clear as day on his face. “She didn’t deserve to die like that.”
Qiao Ling sniffles again, a fresh round of tears making their way down her face. Cheng Xiaoshi pulls out a handkerchief and hands it to her. She accepts it gratefully, and starts dabbing at her eyes.
She starts speaking again, hesitance running through her words. “She had her whole life ahead of her - plus, she deserved so much more… Can I tell you guys something? It might sound a bit strange though.”
“You can tell us anything, Qiao Ling. We’re here for you,” Cheng Xiaoshi replies. Qiao Ling smiles, eyes still shining with unshed tears.
“Li Tianxi… we hardly knew her, only for a few hours at most, yet I still felt like a bigger sister to her. If she had nowhere to go, she could have come to live with us…”
And Cheng Xiaoshi knows exactly how Qiao Ling feels right now, since he harbored the same feelings. Hell, he had become Li Tianxi for a few hours. He felt what she felt - the fondness she had for her family, the happiness that threatened to burst forth when she spent time with her brother and mother… he just wanted her to be safe, alive and happy at the very least. But apparently, even that was too much to ask for. “I agree. When I get my hands on that green haired rat bastard… He deserves a good and painful beating,” Cheng Xiaoshi growls. The familiar hatred for Qian Jin curls around his heart again, threatening to take over. He tries to calm down a bit before continuing. “Plus, what did her death even accomplish?”
It was a rhetorical question, and yet, he receives a response, whispered so quietly that Cheng Xiaoshi realizes that it was not meant for his ears. Yet he hears it anyway, and after a few seconds of letting the realization sink in, it sends cold fury running through his veins.
“ It saved you from dying this time. ”
In an instant, Cheng Xiaoshi’s whole demeanor changes, and everyone in the room notices.
“ Lu Guang. ” Cheng Xiaoshi whispers, enunciating every syllable. “What did you just say?”
“I- nothing. You must have heard someth-“
“Do not play dumb with me.”
“What?” Qiao Ling asks, looking a bit thrown off. “What happened?”
“Something Lu Guang said. I’ll let you know later,” Cheng Xiaoshi promises, voice soft. He turns to Lu Guang, and his tone immediately takes on a steely edge. “Lu Guang. Meet me upstairs.”
Cheng Xiaoshi gets up and stalks out of there without another word, trying not to let the pure rage he feels show on his face.
A few minutes later, when Lu Guang peeks through the doorway into their shared room, Cheng Xiaoshi has a hand pulling at his hair and is pacing up a storm. He catches Lu Guang’s eyes, and curtly invites him in.
Lu Guang shuffles in, eyes downcast. They stand like that for a handful of awkward seconds, before Cheng Xiaoshi gestures at the other man.
“So,” Cheng Xiaoshi starts. “Want to explain what you meant by that sentence? Or should I start telling you every horrible idea that I have come up with in the past few minutes?”
“I’ll… I’ll explain.”
And explain he does.
Cheng Xiaoshi learns about other timelines, about how in every one of them, he was slated for death; he learns about the unchangeable death nodes and how Lu Guang had made it his personal mission to save Cheng Xiaoshi from his very own node.
Most importantly, he learns about how Lu Guang had discovered “death signals” and how those with these signals could have a death node temporarily pushed onto them.
“I first found out when I looked into a stranger’s photo,” Lu Guang explains. “In this photo, none of these signals were present - until I activated my power. From there, I saw a singular line of film attached to the person - almost as if it was wrapping itself around the person. From there, I looked more into their history, and with every photo I peered into, they had more film lines attached to them. A few months after that initial photo was taken, the person was reported dead in the news.”
Cheng Xiaoshi’s head was reeling. “So… I’m assuming Li Tianxi had these… strings attached to her? How did you find out?”
“It… it was an accident. For a brief second in the subway tunnel, I activated my power - and I saw the strings streaming from both of you. That night, you both were destined to die. But…”
“...you somehow pushed the strings attached to me onto her… causing her to die sooner, and I… I got shot. But I survived.”
Lu Guang solemnly nods. “I’ve only delayed the inevitable- your death node is still looming over you, and we should find a way to stop that-”
“What the fuck , Lu Guang.”
“...I’m sorry?” Lu Guang looks up, a bewildered glint to his eyes.
Cheng Xiaoshi feels an eye twitch angrily, and he curls his hands into fists. “...you let an innocent girl die. She was only 19, Lu Guang. She had so much more to live for- and- and you essentially killed her .”
Lu Guang’s eyes go wide, and he takes a shocked step backwards. “I- it was to save you-”
“And who asked you to do that, huh? Because it certainly wasn’t me .”
“I have looped back more times than you can count, Cheng Xiaoshi,” Lu Guang finally snaps. “ I have been trying my damn hardest to save you-”
“ Which doesn’t mean you kill others for my sake! ” Cheng Xiaoshi nearly yells. “Li Tianxi could have lived a happy and normal life after tonight was over. If I was meant to die anyway, then you should have saved her first!
“What happens to the timelines you abandon anyway, huh? Are the people left alone? Did you leave Qiao Ling behind in each and every one of them ?”
“I thought that- that the timeline would be written over, or- or replaced with the new one-”
“And if it wasn’t ? What if you’ve only been making alternate timelines, leaving Qiao Ling alone in each one? She has to deal with my death and your disappearance! ” At this point, Cheng Xiaoshi’s voice is raised, but still controlled so that Qiao Ling can’t make out any words, just muffled mumbling through the walls. Angry tears stream down his face, and the contempt in his eyes could make any other man shrivel up on the spot. But he can tell Lu Guang is not willing to back down on this matter.
“I am just one person , Lu Guang. Why can’t you see that?”
“Because you may be one person, but for you, I would burn the world.”
“Then why can’t you stop? Why should I be special? Why would you forsake entire worlds , across several timelines for me, Lu Guang? Because I’d rather my life be used for good. I would sacrifice myself to save you, to save Qiao Ling, or anyone else I cared about. Li Tianxi? She deserved to live. Not die some meaningless death like the one you sentenced her to,” Cheng Xiaoshi spits out. “I am but one man, and in the face of a thousand worlds, I mean nothing. ”
Lu Guang remains silent.
“You’ve betrayed a trust I didn’t know I even had ,” Cheng Xiaoshi whispers. “I have nothing else to say to you now.”
With those final words, Cheng Xiaoshi turns his back to Lu Guang and walks out. His footsteps thump down the stairs, and he can hear the other man’s muffled voice as he talks to Qiao Ling. The footsteps resume as Cheng Xiaoshi leaves the photo studio, and a door is slammed shut. Lu Guang winces at the resounding noise.
Maybe Cheng Xiaoshi was right. Maybe he had doomed countless other worlds in his fruitless pursuit to save the one he cherished most, yet he had believed it all to be worth it.
But was it really?
When the one he had broken himself apart several times for, the one he relieved tragedies for, the one that had so wholly become his universe had forsaken him?
Lu Guang looked at his hands. Lifetimes of memories peered back at him.
Was he ever in the right? With every dive, returning anew with invisible blood staining his hands, was he ever right?
Maybe Lu Guang should have never opened his mouth. Maybe he should have never dived back in the first place.
He would never gain the knowledge of what the right choice should have been.
He was too far gone to look back now.