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Felling like Night City was suffocating him was nothing new, he spent most of his life feeling it every day, choking on rage and injustice that surrounded him. The feeling of it now was strange, to say the least. His body was his own, so were his emotions and decisions, and yet...
Just being in the heart of the city, seeing how nothing changed since he died, only got worse served to make him wonder what was the point of it all? Why did he let himself get so consumed by rage and hate when it had no real impact on anything really. Night City was the same void of injustice and suffering it always was and he was so fucking tired of it.
The last six months were just about learning to function again, getting his body to work normally again after being frozen for half a century. Were about making sure to honor the gift V had given him, trying hard not to fall into past bad habits. Finding a place to live in the outskirts of Pacifica, with the rollercoaster right next to it 'cause it was one good memory in a sea of bad ones.
They were about befriending a kid who lived next door, whose piece of shit dad liked to hit him, teaching him about music and life, even though he was probably the last person who should mentor anyone on making good life choices. Steve was a good kid who still had hope for a better future, despite the life he had, a little starstruck at first but quickly learned to treat Johnny like his weird neighbor, who just happened to be an ex-rockstar.
Johnny spent a lot of that time in and out of Viktor’s clinic in Little China. The Ripperdoc wasn't his biggest fan in the beginning, which was fair, but he took it upon himself to help Johnny because he knew that's what V would have wanted. They reached a point of almost friendship that made things easier.
Misty was easier to get along with but that wasn’t a big surprise. He lost count of how many hours he spent in her shop either waiting for his appointment with Vik or just after wandering there without any real purpose. Misty read his tarot for him, and even though he didn’t believe in any of that shit he never told her no. There was something almost comforting in that little ritual. He listened when she recommended him some more traditional remedies to help with his recovery. She listened when he would actually bring himself to talk and offered advice if there was one to give. He could see why V liked her so much.
The other half of his time was spent at V's bedside, the merc still in a coma. Brain fixed, body recovering but still suspended between life and death. Made him fucking sick, seeing her like this, while he was out and about, moving through the city like a ghost without her at his side.
Nights were spent in the Megabuilding H10 apartment, with Nibbles lying somewhere on him, helping him with fighting the impulses to numb his pain with something again. Johnny took the cat from Misty, who looked after her in the first few weeks of his recovery. The hairless gremlin acted like she knew him all along, purred, and rubbed against his leg like she was greeting an old friend. Johnny stayed with her in V's apartment for a few weeks before he couldn't stand to be there anymore without the merc, took the money V set aside for him to use, just in case, and hightailed to Pacifica, cat in his arms, the few things he owned loaded into his car.
Johnny didn't care much about who knew that he was really back to life but for V's sake he kept his head down for now. Arasaka was crumbling down, but they had enemies in every corner of this goddamned city. Something in him was itching to run, but he wasn't going to leave V behind.
The next few months were spent helping V adjust to living again after she finally woke up. Nibbles was still with him, which surprised him. He was sure that V would take her back as soon as she could but there she was, sleeping next to his head, keeping him grounded. Maybe that's why V left her with him still, he wouldn't put it past her.
So here he was now, laying in bed, cat curled up next to him, looking at nothing, listening to the rain hit the window.
Until someone knocked at his door. At 1:20 in the morning. Huh.
Johnny got out of bed carefully, not to startle the cat, and grabbed his Malorian from the bedside table, just in case. Put his hand behind his back and hit the release button to open the door. His breath left him when the door slid open to reveal V standing there, slightly damp and shivering, in sweatpants and a hoodie.
"Hey," she said quietly, not moving from her spot.
"Hi," he answered, letting the hand with a gun hang loosely at his side.
V's eyes swept over it with understanding.
Johnny raised an eyebrow at her unusual hesitance.
"You gonna come in? Or stand there like a gonk?"
V huffed with a shake of her head and finally walked in. Johnny closed the door behind her and locked it. Never hurt to be careful, especially in Pacifica.
He turned to V who was looking around the apartment with a soft look on her face. Right, this was the first time she was actually seeing it. Suddenly he was glad he cleaned the bathtub yesterday.
"I like the place," she said with a small smile. "Bit of a shit hole, but cozy."
Johnny couldn't help but snort in amusement.
"Just how you like it then."
"Ha."
She was still shivering, he noted with a sigh. He put the gun on the table and went to the counter to boil some water. A hot drink would help, right?
He grabbed the tea that Misty gave him which became a bit of a saving grace for him. Not because it was working wonders or anything but because he forced himself to go and make himself a cup when he felt like downing an entire bottle of alcohol instead. When he told her that he started doing that Misty patted his hand with a gentle smile and a proud look in her eyes. It wasn't a miracle solution but it worked for now, so there was that.
Johnny looked at V over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes in thought.
"Tell me you didn't drive here," he said, turning his attention back to the tea.
The silence was an answer enough.
"V, for fuck's sake, you know you're not supposed to yet."
"I know, I know," she sighed. "And if it makes you feel better I took the car. Drove below the speed limit, stopped at every light, caused some road rage incidents with how slow I was going."
When he turned to look at her she was smirking but it left her face as quickly as it appeared.
"I just...couldn't stand to be there alone anymore," she said, looking down at her hands.
He got it, that's the same thing he did, after all.
"Sit the fuck down, will you," he said gruffly, shaking his head.
She sat down, for once listening, and he could feel her eyes on him as he busied himself with making her tea.
"Y'know this is kinda surreal. Never thought I would get to see you doing something as normal as making tea," she chuckled after a few minutes.
Johnny hummed in response, not really having much to say about that. Tea ready he put it down in front of her and sat down as well. V thanked him quietly. They sat in silence for a bit. It was strange, not quite knowing what to say when they used to know each other's every thought. Took some adjustment to learn how to interact in a new way and they weren’t all the way there yet.
"Vik told me you sat by my bedside every day," she broke the silence quietly, not looking at him.
"Vik still likes to talk, I see," he mumbled, rolling his eyes.
"You didn't have to do that," she raised her hand to stop him when he opened his mouth to argue. "But I really appreciate that you did."
"You would've done the same for me," was his only answer.
V looked him straight in the eyes and said that yeah, she would have, and he was the one who had to look away this time. He wanted to reach out to her, take her hands in his or something, but had to clasp them together where they rested between his knees. He knew she noticed, but thankfully she didn't say anything about it.
V drank her tea, while he allowed his eyes to take in every detail of her again. Her face more gaunt, from the months in a coma, her hair longer, less vibrant, more brown growing out, less muscle on her frame too. It worried him, but Viktor gave her a clean bill of health so with some time he was sure she would get back to her usual athletic form.
He startled a little when her fingers touched his hand and looked up at her. She set her cup on the table with a slightly shaky hand.
"Hey, can you get up for a sec?" she asked, doing that herself.
Her voice sounded funny, all choked up, and Johnny narrowed his eyes at her in worry. Watching her carefully, he got up from his chair, waiting for her to say more.
Instead, he had to steady his footing when his merc launched herself into his arms without warning, wrapping her arms around his neck, her shoulders shaking. It took him a second to get his bearings, her warm weight against him made his head spin a little, but he finally wrapped his arms around her tightly. And felt that stupid wave of relief hit him again, because she was there, in his apartment, in his arms, alive and breathing, and he kinda felt like fucking crying. Felt like he could breathe easier again, and closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair.
"Sorry I was gone for so long," her voice was muffled and breaking.
He had to squeeze her closer to him as the wave of still fresh grief hit him again. The six months with her in a coma were hellish. Not knowing if she was going to wake up, if he was going to lose her for good nearly sent him over the edge again. But at this moment it felt like he could finally start dealing with it, now that she was in the clear.
"Don't ever fuckin' do that again," he choked out and felt her nod against him.
He's not sure how long they stood like that, but neither of them was in any hurry to let go. For once, they both had an excuse to just hold onto each other, so they both took it. There was no embarrassment on V's face when she finally pulled away, just tired gratefulness for indulging her for a bit. Like it wasn't something he wanted to do as well.
"Very quiet in here, where's the hairless menace?" she asked looking around again.
"Sleeping, in my bed, purring up a storm," he rolled his eyes fondly.
"So you do have a lady in your bed every night, keeping you company," she joked.
It was a lame joke but it made him chuckle anyway. He threw his chrome arm around her shoulders and started to lead her through the apartment.
"Oh, sure, scratches like a motherfucker, too."
V snorted at that and let herself be moved.
"Where are we going?"
"To bed, don't know if you noticed, but it's the middle of the night."
V stopped and grabbed his arm to stop him too.
"Johnny, I'm not kicking you out of your own bed," she said firmly.
Johnny poked her gently on the forehead.
"Who said anything about kicking me out? Bed's big enough for two, you know. C'mon."
He made his way to the bedroom, leaving it to her if she wanted to follow him or not. He hoped that she would, but for now, he lifted Nibbles to move her to her usual spot next to his head, making room for V, should she decide to come. After a minute or two she appeared in the doorway, fiddling with the zipper of the hoodie she had on. He narrowed his eyes at it, now that he finally could see it better.
"Is that mine?" He asked, with mock annoyance.
V looked down at it and then back at him.
"Yeah, what about it?" she tilted her chin up, daring him to comment further.
Johnny snorted and shook his head. Like he minded seeing her in his clothes. He got back into bed with a groan and moved to the side against the wall. V walked to the bed and lingered there for a moment, finger gently rubbing the cat’s sleepy little head. Finally, she took the hoodie off and climbed into the bed, lost her boots somewhere before coming in too.
The room wasn't much to look at, not like he cared all that much about interior design. But it was clean, it was warm, it had the furniture it needed to have, so it was enough for him. V didn't seem to mind either, so there was that.
They lay down, Johnny on his back, V on her side facing him. He could feel her watching him and huffed after a minute, before turning to face her as well. She sent him an amused smile, her eyes soft, and he wanted to kiss her but settled down for playfully pinching her side. She batted his hand away with an eye roll and his heart felt lighter than it did in a very long time.
"Hey, Johnny?"
"Hmm?"
"Would you mind if I stayed over more than once?" she asked quietly.
Johnny shook his head.
"Nah, you can even move in if you want, there’s enough space to put your shit in here somewhere."
He watched as her eyes got a little misty, how she sniffled a little.
"You only have one bed though," she pointed out, her voice breaking.
"That a problem?" he asked, taking the risk and reaching out to gently take her hand.
V looked down at their hands and after a few seconds pushed her fingers through his.
"Not for me, no," she whispered in answer.
"Okay then, preem," he squeezed her hand lightly and let himself relax.
V was quiet for a few minutes, playing with his silver fingers absentmindedly. She shook her head a little to herself and Johnny raised a questioning eyebrow at her.
"I was so scared that you would be gone when I woke up. Wanted to ask Vik right away but kept asking him different questions until he put me out of my misery. I was so fucking relieved when he told me that you were always there," she said, closing her eyes.
She seemed a little embarrassed about admitting it, but honestly, he couldn't blame her. He didn't know what to do when he woke up only to find her in a coma. The only thing he was sure of was that leaving her behind was not an option, so he had to figure something out. Now she was in the same boat of being back and not knowing what to do. And like before, he wasn't going to leave her alone in this.
"Well, then it's good that you're kinda stuck with me, huh. Said that this wasn’t a problem so no takebacks," he joked, just wanting to bring her back out from that darker mood.
She snorted and opened her eyes to send him an amused look.
"Didn't realize that takebacks were an option, let me rethink that," she teased, and he pinched her side again as a punishment.
She twisted away from his range and almost fell off the bed doing so. Johnny caught her last second with an arm around her waist and brought her back towards him, while she shook with silent laughter.
"Christ, you're such a dumbass," he complained fondly.
"Takes one to know one, Silverhand," she said, trying to get her hair out of her eyes.
"Oh, we're back to last name basis? Maybe sharing a bed wasn't such a good idea after all," he said and rolled onto his back with a dramatic sigh. ‘’Just wait till I start callin’ you by yours, see how that’s gonna make you feel.’’
V huffed somewhere next to him.
"You don't know mine, so good luck with that," she mocked gently.
Johnny turned his head to look at her and smirked.
"That's what you think," he said, and his smirk grew when the realization started showing on her face.
''Bullshit," she hissed, but there's zero venom behind it. "There's no way you do."
"Lived in your head, Valerie," he taunted, and she looked a little stunned to hear her full name out loud. "Do the math. If you know how, since I still don't know if you ever read any book in your-oof!"
He cut off when she pounced on him, eyes narrowed, hands pinning him down to the bed. He raised an eyebrow at that and moved to cross his arms behind his head.
"What'd you call me?" She asked with something strange in her voice he didn't recognize.
"C'mon, V. Not like I didn't hear you say your first name out loud, aside from sharing a brain with you," he rolled his eyes.
"No, I know that," she said, leaning close enough that the ends of her hair started tickling the sides of his face. "Say it again."
Oh.
Oh, it was like that, huh?
If his smug smirk could get any bigger it would but as it was, he brought his hands down to the sides of her face and pulled her closer still.
"Valerie," he repeated, voice low, and heard her breath hitch.
"Bastard," she whispered in response.
He couldn't stop himself from teasing her some more.
"That gets you going? Me saying your name like that?"
V narrowed her eyes at him, and she was either gonna kiss him or hit him and really he was fine with both. But she did none of these things and instead pushed him back into his pillow with a groan. She was grumbling something under her breath while Johnny laughed at her. He wasn’t going to let her live that down any time soon.
"Oh, we are so exploring that more later," he decided with an excited smile, and this time V rolled her eyes.
"Later, being the key word."
She moved from leaning over him to lying down at his side again. Johnny turned towards her and wrapped an arm around her, tucking her under his chin. He smiled when he heard her sigh in contentment and closed his eyes.
For now, at this moment, the city could burn and he probably wouldn't care. He would worry about the rest tomorrow.