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"H-honestly Morty, this-urrp-th-this is a really bad, really stupid idea," Complained Rick as he finished up assembling the device, "You do realize that you're basically setting yourself up for a date with depression? Nu-nobody measures the value of other people by importance. 'Importance' is merely an instrumental noun used by desperate people in order to manipulate you into believing that you're special. An-and-urrp even if importance was equal to value- which it's not- it would waver because that's how people are, Morty. Th-they measure you based on the value you give them-not by the value you're worth. The moment you stop giving them what they want, your value to them decreases. It's the sad truth to a pathetic existence."
"Cool," Morty, more than used to his grandpa's brutally honest speeches, leaned lazily against the table while twirling a screwdriver around in boredom, "Are you almost done?"
"Chill your panties in an ice-box, bro, I'm working on it," Rick put the last of the pieces together, scribbled some words on the screen and stood for the presentation.
Morty jumped up and gaped in wonder at the thin, rectangular device his grandpa held. It heavily resembled a tablet with a rounded measurement scale at the very top. A red needle clumsily shifted back and forth between seven labels.
"I totalled the measurements out to a hundred-and-ten percent instead of a hundred. This right here," Rick pointed to the fifty-five percent in the middle of the scale, "Is neutral- basically it means that the person doesn't know you enough to measure your value. Anything below neutral is the negative zone- like, see here, 'unwanted', 'basically hated', and 'could care less if you were dead'."
"Geez, i-it goes that far?" Morty winced. He didn't really want to learn how much- if anybody- hated him. It would be a bummer.
"Hey, you asked for this, so-so just shut up and-urrp pay attention," Rick lifted the scale out further and gestured to it's left side. "And this side is the positive zone; 'wanted', 'basically loved' and 'infinitely valuable'."
"What does 'infinitely valuable' mean?" Morty asked, his heart fluttering at the thought of being that important to someone.
"Like hell if I know," Rick tossed the device at him and reached for his flask, "But if I had to take a guess, i-it would mean that your importance is infinite- like the person would be willing to give their life for you or-or some sappy bull-crap like that."
"S-so what? I-I just push a button and it'll measure my importance?" Morty prepared to push the red button as he pointed the scale at his grandpa.
But Rick was immediate on pushing it away, "Hey-whoa, don't drag me into your petty little measurement game. Go try it out on Summer or-or your dad. You try it on me and you'll learn something you don't want to. I fix machines- not broken hearts."
Morty, feelings hurt, glared at his grandpa and quietly stomped away, "I didn't wanna measure you anyway."
"Yeah, have fun, little buddy," Rick casually said.
Taking at least a partial amount of Rick's advice, Morty went and pointed the measuring device at his sister.
"Umm, Morty... What're you doing?" Summer blandly asked from her seat on the couch.
With a sci-fi sounding ring, Morty glanced down at the scale and smiled warmly. 'Basically loved' was where the needle was pointed.
"N-nothing," Morty giggled and turned to rush away, "J-just wanted to say that you're an awesome sister."
"Oh... K?" Summer gazed around for a moment before shrugging the weird encounter off.
The next person Morty measured was his dad Jerry who was in the middle of writing a novel. He snuck up behind him and pointed the scanner at him. When the sci-fi ring tone went off, he vaguely frowned at what he saw.
The needle pointed between 'basically loved' and 'wanted'.
Well, he guessed it wasn't so bad, right? Sure, he thought that maybe his dad would at least come close to finding him infinitely valuable- he was his son after all- but it is what it is.
Off to the next one.
Beth was doing some cleaning upstairs when Morty raced up to her and pointed the scanner at her.
"Can I help you with something?" She asked, sounding tired and strung out.
When the device was ready to read, Morty looked down and immediately felt his heart sink. "What the?"
'Unwanted' was where the needle was pointed.
Unwanted? That was how his mother measured his importance to her? Unwanted? Like, did she not want him around? Did it mean that she didn't want him as a child? Did she hate the fact that he was born?
Hurt, Morty stuttered brokenly and cautiously backed away, "Uh-uh-oh i-its nothing, I... I gotta go."
And then Morty rushed off to his bedroom and quickly locked himself in. Geez, first he finds out that his father didn't even fully love him, and then he found out that his mother didn't want him. Just- what was so bad about him that made them unable to love him? He was certain that his importance to them would be infinite.
But apparently not.
And it stung. Morty frowned, curling himself into a ball on his spot on the floor against the wall. His own parents didn't love him? Dang. It was just so... disappointing. 'He' was disappointing. He was such a letdown that his mother didn't want him. (Let's not forget the memory of her choosing Summer's life over his in half a second).
What could be so bad about him?
Just... Why?
For the rest of the day, Morty stayed in his room.
For a while, the importance measurer became Morty's biggest obsession. Constantly he was searching for people who found him the least bit wanted. And let's just say that people who wanted him were far and few between.
At school, most kids measurements of his importance were looming in the negatives, which was also a bummer but not as bad as learning about his parents. At least he got to learn that Jessica's measurements of his importance came close to 'wanted'. It meant that he possibly had a chance to win her affections in the future.
As time went on, Morty searched and searched for at least one person who found his importance infinitely valuable, but no such luck. Though his parents measurements did change. Jerry's measurement moved into the 'basically loved' section while Beth's danced back and forth between 'wanted' and 'neutral'. Summer's measurement was always the same.
Out of all his searches, the only person who came the tiniest bit close to finding him infinitely valuable was Planetina, but due to their relationship failure, she ended up 'basically hating him'.
Why was wanting to be important to someone such a hurtful thing?
On his bad days, Rick would try to explain that everyone's measurements of his importance differed from day to day. As he said before, most people only measure the value that you give them. Importance was just a word used to manipulate people into believing that they are special. Some people don't value others as much simply because they are having a bad day or don't feel like caring.
Everything differed.
Eventually Morty grew out of the hype and stopped using the measurement device. As always, Rick was right: it was making him depressed. Besides, it was better to just pretend that he was important rather than learn that he actually wasn't. The truth hurts.
And he'd rather not know what the truth was.
"Quick, throw me another one," Rick hollered as they ran through a collapsing hallway on an alien ship.
"R-Rick! I-I really don't think this is necessary," Cried Morty as he fought to keep up with his grandpa, throwing plasma grenades to him as they ran, "I was having a good day at school an-and I think-ahh!"
A giant rumble in the ship caused Morty to fall forward. Everything within his backpack plus all of the grenades he carried scattered about the floor. Groaning, he slowly sat up and gazed around. Man, these random adventures were annoying some times.
"God dammit, Morty, could you be anymore useless?" Griped Rick as he stood in front of him with a gun, shooting at enemies, "Grenades, Morty, I need grenades."
"Right," Morty scurried to find the fuzzy plasma balls when he heard a familiar sci-fi ring and turned his head to see none other than the importance measurer.
And it was pointing... At Rick.
Slowly, Morty reached out, grabbed the tablet and read the results.
And it felt like everything in the universe stopped.
Just stopped.
Morty felt like the world moved in surreal motion as he stood up and looked to his grandpa, his hands lowered and his mouth gaped. Tears blurred his disbelieving eyes.
'Infinitely valuable'. Rick's measurements of his importance was 'infinitely valuable'.
Of all the thousands of people that Morty had measured- out of all the people in the universe, Rick was the one who valued him so much that he would give his life for him?
Crookedly, Morty smiled as it felt like some of the broken shards to his heart had just molded back together. All this time he thought he meant nothing to people, especially Rick. But now?
Now it all made sense.
And it was both easy and extremely difficult to believe, but it made Morty happy.
"What are you doing?" Rick yelled and twisted around to face him, "I-I-uurp- tell you to do one simple thing and you can't even- oh crap..."
Rick's entire body buckled up when he saw the importance measurer and Morty's stupid, emotional smirk. Within two seconds, he used his robotic arm, grabbed the device and threw it against the nearest wall. It shattered instantly.
"Major note to self: last time I ever fulfill a request for you," Rick quickly got back to shooting the aliens, attempting to turn his back on the elephant in the room.
Even though the device was now destroyed, Morty couldn't care less because...
Because he was infinitely valuable to someone. He was infinitely valuable to his grandpa.
And it made him feel happy.
It made him feel happy and loved and appreciated and 'valued'.
"Rick?"
"Morty, I swear to God," Rick whipped back around and growled dangerously, "You have exactly five seconds to let this go or I'm erasing both our memories an-and implanting a chip in my brain that reminds me 'never' to let such emotional bullcrap get the better of me. Now-"
Rick pointed sternly to the ground, "Grenades. Lock. Load. Now."
"Ok Rick," Morty, unable to stop smiling, grabbed some grenades and handed them to his grandpa.
"Y-you little pain," Rick glared at him when he noticed his dorky grin was still showing, "I-I don't love you, so-so just drop the stupid crap already and focus."
"Whatever you say, Rick," Morty said nonchalantly, "Whatever you say."
Rick may say that he doesn't love Morty, but that isn't true. Not only does he love him, but he would gladly sacrifice his life to keep him safe.
Because Morty is infinitely valuable to his grandpa Rick.