Chapter Text
It still felt like a dream to Jeff, even months on. His boys had found him, had rescued him from the Oort cloud, and brought him home. Sure, there were some hiccups on the way, like the stowaway they weren’t expecting trying to leave them all stranded once again, but they were home now. All of them, together, on the island. Over the last few months, Jeff had noticed a lot of things, and not just the obvious, like his boys all being older and either almost as tall or taller than him. There were the smaller things too, like changes to their favourite foods, or hobbies, or lack of, where Scott was concerned. A lot was the same and a lot had changed and Jeff was enjoying finding out new things about his sons, even if it hit him with a pang of guilt for not being there with them and already knowing.
But there was something in particular Jeff had noticed. All of his sons had been hovering around him since he had gotten back, not wanting to leave him alone for a moment. All except Virgil. Whilst his second eldest son was diligent in checking him out medically, and making sure he wasn’t over doing things, Virgil had been…cold with him. And avoiding him when he didn’t absolutely need to be near him to monitor him. It stung a little, if Jeff was being honest with himself. He had missed his boy, all his boys, and to have Virgil clearly not wanting to be near him unless it was necessary, it hurt. So he had to get to the bottom of it. He made his way down the familiar path to the hangars, where he knew Virgil would be at this time, hoping to catch him alone, and somewhere where he couldn’t make an excuse to run off. Jeff knew they needed to talk, clearly there was something that Virgil needed to get off of his chest, and Jeff just wanted to help, he really did, he couldn’t stand this space between them now when they were so close.
Finally, he located his not so little artist doing maintenance on Thunderbird Four, laid under the little yellow sub, tinkering away. He knocked lightly on the metal, not wanting to startle his boy in case he hurt himself, and waited for Virgil to reappear from under the sub.
“Dad? What are you doing down here, is everything alright?” Jeff could see Virgil switching into medic mode and put his hand up placatingly, smiling gently at him.
“I’m fine, son.” He reassured him, leaning a little against Thunderbird Four. “I was just hoping we could have a chat.”
“Oh.” Virgil’s eyebrows furrowed and he rolled himself back under the sub. “Sure, what do you want to talk about?”
“Well, I was hoping you could tell me?” Jeff replied, taking his time to sit down on the floor, next to Virgil’s toolbag, so he could hand him whatever was necessary.
“What do you mean?” The sounds of tinkering once filled the space and Jeff took to looking at his surroundings.
“I know I have upset you somehow.” Jeff admitted. There was no point beating around the bush. “You don’t seem to want to even be in the same room as me unless you have to be.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, you make it sound like I’ve been avoiding you.” Virgil scoffed, and Jeff shrugged, though Virgil couldn’t see it.
“Well, haven't you?” The accusation left his lips before he could stop it and the tinkering came to an abrupt stop, leaving them with a heavy silence, neither seemingly daring to breathe.
“I’m working on it.” Virgil said gruffly, staying hidden beneath the sub, his tone giving off a clear warning for Jeff to drop the matter. He didn’t want to yell at his dad, he didn’t want his dad to know how angry he was until he knew he could control his temper with him, because nothing good came out of screaming at one another.
Jeff seemed to ignore the warning, however. He reached out to pat Virgil’s leg gently, letting him know he wasn’t going to leave or drop the subject. “Why don’t you tell me, and we can work on it together?”
“What’s the point when you could disappear at any minute again?” Virgil retorted before snapping his mouth shut and groaning. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that….”
“Yes you did.” Jeff said sadly. “But it’s not undeserved. Come on. Tell me why you’re avoiding me.”
It took an age, but Jeff stayed where he was, determined, and eventually, Virgil rolled himself out from under Thunderbird Four, wiping his hands off on a rag before dragging a hand through his hair.
“I’m…I’m really, really angry with you.” He started, trying to choose his words carefully, then realising he didn’t really care about what words he chose. He was angry and Jeff needed to know he was furious with him.
“That’s a good start.” Jeff turned a little more to face his son, only to realise Virgil wasn’t looking at him, but was instead glaringly harshly at the floor, obviously trying very hard to not be looking at Jeff.
“I’m not just angry, I’m furious. Actually, I don’t think there are enough words to describe how mad I am. You broke your promise to me. To Scott. You promised, and then you made a choice that meant you broke that promise. And I am so mad at you for it!" Virgil stood up to start pacing around the small space. “Scott had to take over, again, he sacrificed everything to raise us, he took over TI, even when the board of directors tried to oppose him on nearly every front, he kept IR going, he barely slept, sometimes he barely ate, I’ve lost count of the amount of times I had to bench him on medical grounds because he just couldn’t function anymore! You promised he would never have to step in as a parent again and just a few years later, you broke that promise! He raised us, to the best of his abilities when he never should have had to! And me, I helped him, of course I did, I was never going to let him do this alone, but even then, he felt as the eldest, he had to keep everything together and do everything himself, he would never let me see everything he was carrying! And it wasn’t fair! How could you! You promised!” Virgil pushed his hands through his hair angrily as he ranted, pacing back and forth, ignoring Jeff reaching out for him.
“And Alan! God, he and I have had so many conversations because the kid was forgetting you, he felt so guilty because he couldn’t remember, but why would he?! You were never there! He got maybe what, five years with you as dad? Alan is Scott’s baby. He raised him. He doesn’t remember you, but he remembers Scott, and he remembers me. And the guilt he has felt for that… I never knew what to say to him, I never knew how to reassure him that it was okay, because it wasn’t okay, but that wasn’t his fault, or mine or Scott’s, it was yours!”
“Virgil-”
“John used to stay up all night trying to find you, to find any shred of anything that you might have still been alive.” Virgil carried on as though Jeff hadn’t said anything, and Jeff surmised he probably hadn’t heard him through all the thoughts he was clearly trying to get out. “He only stopped when Gordon locked him out of Five’s controls and flew up to get him so he could force him down to earth for a while, and we all know how much Gordon hates piloting Three. Oh, wait, no, you don’t know that.” Virgil seethed, his rage building up to the crescendo. “Just like you don’t know that John basically lives up on Five now and only comes down when we beg him to. You don’t know that Gordon hides his hurt with humour, and you can tell the difference by which direction he glances after a joke. You don’t know how many times Alan has cried over forgetting you, how many times John has fallen asleep at the controls looking for you, how many times Gordon has faked a smile or a laugh when he’s missing you, you don’t know how many paintings I made or compositions I wrote…. But you know who does know that? Scott does. Scott knows, because Scott fixed it all, just like he did before. He held us together, and did his best to make sure we didn’t feel your loss as much as we could have done, because once again, he had to pick up your slack! Scott made sure we didn’t grow up without a dad, but he did!”
Jeff winced at every accusation, every hurled word intended to hurt him, cutting him deep in the soul as he watched his second son rant on behalf of the eldest. He was right. Jeff had broken his promise to them, he knew he had, and Virgil was right, he didn’t know any of those things, he had missed everything and he didn’t know any of the important stuff anymore. He knew he had a lot of making up to do, but this….this hurt that Virgil was clearly feeling, Jeff didn’t know if he could fix that….
“That’s enough, Virgil.”
The new voice that joined them appeared to break Virgil out of his ranting, his gaze snapping up to look at his eldest brother, taking in the weary look he was wearing, which only served to anger him more.
“No, Scott, he needs to know exactly what-!”
“He knows, Virgil, he knows. Look at him. You made him cry.” Jeff blinked, lifting his hands to his cheeks and sure enough, they came away wet. Huh. When did that start? “Just…leave it, okay? It’s alright.”
“It’s not alright Scott!” Virgil exploded, and it appeared they had reached the crescendo of his outpour as Virgil’s voice rose in volume, filled with years of pent up hurt and rage he felt not only himself, but on the behalf of his brother. “He has the audacity to ask me why I’m avoiding him, why I’m mad at him, I am furious with him! He left us! Again! After promising not to! He left you to once again pick up his pieces, to put Alan to bed with excuses as to why you weren’t there again, going to all of Gordon’s swim meets as his guardian, not his brother, becoming John’s emergency contact at university, going to his graduation, sat with all the other parents, being the one to encourage my dreams and hobbies, it should have been him! And then when we had proof he was out there, leaving you to doubt yourself and feel like you were never enough! And I hate him for it!”
Virgil’s last statement seemed to echo on forever in the small space as time slowed down. Scott sucked in a sharp breath as Virgil drew in harsh lungfuls of air, and Jeff it seemed had stopped breathing altogether, holding his breath in fear of setting off Virgil again.
“I think…I think you need to go and cool off, Virgil. Go hit the showers.” Scott commanded him softly, not raising his voice, but giving no room to argue back. This was the commander at work and Virgil was almost powerless to obey. He threw down his rag with some force and stormed past Scott, not sparing a glance for Jeff.