Work Text:
Cucurucho smiles, watching islanders on his screen. Do not mistake though, this smile is not happy or relaxed. It’s actually very tensed, but Cucurucho doesn’t know how to not smile.
He had enough on his plate with the residents already. Especially Brazilians, fuck Brazilians. And now there are new ones. Not any better than others, maybe even worse. Especially one of them – Tubbo. The guy has been a pain since the moment 8 of them were woken up to get prepared for unfreezing. Cucurucho doesn’t think he genuinely hated any of the residents the way he despises Tubbo. And higher ups are also worried about him, so Cucurucho is tasked to pay the guy as much attention as possible.
He doesn’t want to, so as any successful manager would do in this situation – Cucurucho tasks someone else to do it.
“WE NOTICED THAT RESIDENT BY THE NAME TUBBO HAS SOME SORT OF A POSITIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU”, he tells worker WA02. Whose qualification is way to high to be put on this duty, but Cucurucho doesn’t care as long as it’s efficient. Plus putting lower-ranked workers is a risk, because they are much more prone to rebellion – WC06 is an example – and Cucurucho doesn’t want to deal with a Workers Strike as well. He hopes that A-ranked worker will be more reasonable, considering his level of clearance.
“WE NEED YOU TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. TRY TO GATHER ANY INFORMATION YOU CAN, ESPECIALLY POTENTIONALLY ILLEGAL ONE”.
There’s no emotions on WA02’s face when he nods. Good. Just as any good worker should act.
Maybe it will actually help to keep at least one of the islanders in check.
***
He gets the first report from WA02 in just a couple of days.
“I successfully infiltrated resident’s Tubbo circle. Our relationship status is ‘friends’ as he called it”, WA02 states, and Cucurucho nods approvingly. Good, the plan is working.
“REPORT EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS ACTIVITIES ON THE ISLAND”
“So far resident Tubbo has only spoken to me about his plans to build a railroad on his factory plot”, Fred dictates in a Federation Approved monotone. But after a seconds adds: “He really likes trains”.
This is useless, Cucurucho decides. But at least they know that at the moment Tubbo is preoccupied with not illegal islanders activities.
“GO BACK TO YOUR WORK”
***
“Resident Tubbo has been working on his factories for the past three days”, WA02 reports at the end of the week. “I must say those machines are rather magnificent, almost the Federation standard of efficiency”.
If Cucurucho knew how to quirk his brow, he probably would do it, because this comment is unnecessary for the report.
Or maybe WA02 is working on his assignment to write a profile on all the new guests. That would make sense. And everything in the Federation makes sense.
“HAVE THERE BEEN ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY FROM HIM IN THE PAST DAYS?”
“He moved from talking about trains to talking about planes and possibility to build one on the island”, WA02 answers quickly, no emotions or facial expressions involved.
Building a plane. Possibly to escape the island! This is a good catch, even if wouldn’t work out for Tubbo anyway.
“KEEP YOUR WORK UP. IF HE TALKS ABOUT BUILDING A PLANE AGAIN, STEER THE CONVERSATION TO SOMETHING LESS ILLEGAL”
WA02 nods and leaves the office.
***
“WHAT IS THIS?”
There’s a badge with a name on WA02’s blue vest. It’s obviously made out of random paper with ‘Fred’ written in an uneven handwriting. Also a bunch of different doodles around.
“Tubbo gave me a name”, WA02 answers. His voice is still monotone, but not that neutral. Cucurucho lets it slide. “Said that everyone should have a name, and that I am his friend”.
Cucurucho stares at him silently for a good minute. There’s no expression on WA02’s face, but he hopes he is nervous, because this is ridiculous. Now he needs to schedule another seminar for workers, reminding them that the identity is the way to imperfection.
“DO NOT WEAR IT”
Fred quickly hides the badge in his inventory. That’s better.
“STATE YOUR REPORT”
“Tubbo finished building his railroad so far. He is planning to move on to building a Perimeter for the mob farm”.
Cucurucho nods along. Okay, this is not awful. Tubbo has been much tamer since WA02 started keeping him in check. And progress is perfection.
“I curated his new digging machine to be a Federation-approved sized. He also built an avocado toast factory for me”.
The last bit is confusing once again, but Cucurucho notices on the monitors that a group of residents, once again, is suspiciously active on the train station. Why can’t they just leave those portals alone?
***
“Tubbo dug out his Perimeter”, WA02 keeps him updated, while Cucurucho fills in the paperwork on the most recent Maze Run islanders went on. This Maze is giving him nightmares. “He has been a bit down on energy lately. I deduced that he was sick and helped him with his treatment to feel better”.
That is decidedly not something Cucurucho would expect WA02 to do during this task. But overall, they are supposed to keep the islanders safe. Safe from anything they didn’t need to happen. And Tubbo’s sickness could ruin something scheduled for him and others. So he approves WA02’s report and lets him leave.
***
There’s a flower sticking out of WA02’s pocket, that the worker seems to not notice.
“Me and Tubbo spent past two days doing Federation Approved activities for the islanders”, WA02 states his report. Cucurucho might just be hallucinating from spending so much time with the residents and their love persuades, but WA02’s voice, tho still even, almost sounds soft. “List of those activities includes: visiting a museum, going fishing on the beach, riding bicycles, having a picnic”.
Fre…, fuck, WA02 lists all the entertainments, and Cucurucho must be going senile, because why does it sound like his worker went on a date with one of the islanders? That is impossible.
“HAVE TUBBO BEEN NOTICED IN ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITIES RECENTLY?”
“No”.
Sounds like a lie. But Cucurucho honestly doesn’t want to deal with this right now.
***
“…and then he told me that his favorite flower used to be pink tulips. Then marigolds. But now he is not sure about that. But he did give me an oxeye daisy as a gift. And also…”
Fred… Fuck it, he is more Fred than WA02 at this point, has been stating his report on his task of keeping Tubbo in check for three minutes now, but maybe this ‘check’ turned to be ‘check out’ at some point, because this is NOT the vibe Cucurucho was looking for. Even if it still works to keep Tubbo from doing any illegal activities. Apparently, he is too preoccupied telling WA02 Fred every single detail about himself, and Fred WA02, for some unknown reason is really interested in it.
“…He really likes coffee. Can’t start a day without it. Otherwise he has troubles reading more than he did already, and also his hair looks like a dandelion after sleepless nights, I think it quite suits him and…”
Where did he go wrong? He probably should have kept an eye on Tubbo himself, but Cucurucho has been very busy with Badboyhalo these days, how would he be able to do so anyway? He can’t just clone himself. Well, he can, he did, but that’s not the point here.
“…We were talking yesterday about desires in life, and Tubbo told me he really wants to find someone for himself. To keep him company and support him, and he was really shy about it, I don’t know why…”
Cucurucho’s left eye twitches from barely keeping it together. He doesn’t even know what annoys him more – the fact that this is even happening in the first place, or that Fred doesn’t understand the obvious.
“IS THAT ALL FOR YOUR REPORT?”
Fred nods. Cucurucho smiles. He doesn’t know how not to smile, but he will learn just for the situations like this.
“GO DO YOUR JOB”
***
Cucurucho is entirely not surprised when one of his cameras catches Tubbo kissing Fred on the cheek, while they sit on a blanket in the middle of a flower field, covered in flower crowns. That is only logical from everything Fred, WA02, told him recently.
Cucurucho sighs and makes a sip of his wine. Shame the Federation doesn’t approve of any other alcohol, because he needs it right now.
Why can’t this island be perfect? Why everything must go south and turn gay? Can’t achieve shit on Queersadilla Island.