Chapter Text
I will have to watch you murder the world" Cas had said to him, it echoed through his mind, as he watched, he watched all the times he had hurt Cas, all the times he didn't need to but took satisfaction in it, he watched as he beat him into a table, as the angel blade came down barely missing him, he remembers Cas's face as looked at Dean, he was scared of him. His angel was scared of him
His angel, what a joke, Cas only hung around cause he had nowhere to go, cause there was no one else in the world that could care about him, so he was stuck with the sorry excuse for a vessel and a demented little hunter the mark joked, Dean shook his head
"Dean,"
The mark shot pain and anger through him, he slammed his hand down on the table, memories of the tomb and other times filled his head instead, he found himself smiling, although mirthless at the memories, Cas had so many chances to finish him off, to keep this shit show from happening in the first place, but he let Dean live, that was probably the worst mistake he ever made, Dean thought to himself completely lost in his thoughts. Yet, Dean always ran back to him, he needed Cas as much as it hurt him to admit it, he needed him. His angel Dean loved Castiel, he hated to admit it to himself, he couldn't tell Cas, with the mark around Dean would probably just corrupt Cas even more, he was such a pure being yet he hung around Dean, Dean had made him fall in every way imaginable, he had been human, gotten his grace stolen, been tortured and kidnapped, and disobeyed heaven-no not just heaven, god. For Dean, and Dean hated himself for it,
"AS SOON AS HE LAID HIS HAND ON YOU IN HELL HE WAS LOST!" the angel hadn't known how right she was, he had ruined Cas just by the touch, he ruined everything he touched.
"DEAN!" the voice was worried, terrified, he blinked half expecting a fearing to find out he had lost control for just a moment, to find disarray, to find out he had killed Sam, cause the voice yelling at him was Cas, of course it was Cas his angel
"Dean! What are you doing!" He asked worried, Dean felt a hand on his wrist, panic flared but this time, the hand had strength it wasn't holding on and begging, it was Cas, but dean wasn't trying to kill him
"Hmm?" Dean asked, before following those blue crystal eyes down to the dark spot of the mark, a spot currently missing the mark, and covered in blood as it rolled down his arm, a large piece of glass stuck out of it, Dean barely noticed the pain,
"Let me heal you," he insisted
"Come on man, you're low, it'll fix itself," he said pulling away
"Dean-,"
"See it's fine Cas," Dean grimaced as the skin sewed back together and the dark scar of the mark returned with it
"Oh," Cas paused, "have you done this before?" He asked
"Yea," Dean said, but he turned himself around before he added to that.
"How bad is it?" Cas asked stepping closer to him,
"No worse than usual," Dean said smiling sarcastically
"Dean, please, tell me?" Cas has grabbed his wrist again, there was hesitation before he moved it up slightly his angel, what a joke.
"I don't know Cas, I want to kill something-but, it's quiet today," he lied, Cas didn't believe him, he knew immediately,
"Dean-," he cut himself off as soon as he made eye contact with Dean, he released his arm and raised a hand to his mouth, he looked at Dean horrified, scared, his face flashed bloody and broken, Dean backed away slightly,
"Dean-,"
"I'm fine Cas!" He said quickly walking off to his room, his angel, "his angel" was scared of him…
"I want to help*" Cas whispered as Dean was out of ear shot, "I'm sorry," he looked down frowning, he felt tears begin to form, he wiped them away but they didn't stay away, they poured out so he flew back to his room.