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“Are we playing the game, or is the game playing us?”
Trina lay awake in bed, replaying Spencer’s words over and over again in her mind. Remembering his intense gaze and that low, sexy voice sent shivers down her spine even now, hours after they had left Kelly’s.
Trina had tried to dodge the question, but she knew what he was really asking: Was she ready to acknowledge that they were more than friends, and that their “fake” relationship to lure out the Hook Killer wasn’t so fake after all?
The answer was no. Trina wasn’t ready to admit that, at least not to Spencer, although she grew more aware every day that her feelings for him were not strictly platonic. Their almost kiss on New Year’s Eve was proof of that. But he had burned her badly in the past, and she was determined to protect her heart this time around.
Fortunately, Spencer seemed willing to take things at her pace. Trina knew she had hurt him when she said they were friends; he was clearly hoping for more. She had seen the way his face fell and noticed that he let go of her arm and physically withdrew from her. But he had taken the rejection with good grace, wryly referring to himself as “trusty and steadfast, like a golden retriever.” Trina was surprised to find that she thought that description of him was pretty accurate. Since Christmas Eve, when she and Spencer devised their plan to trap Esme, he had stood by her side, ready to do whatever it took to catch the Hook Killer and providing steady support as she struggled with her emotions after Rory’s death.
Actually, Trina and Spencer had leaned on each other equally over the last month. While she mourned Rory’s brutal murder, Spencer was dealing with his own grief after Britt became the Hook Killer’s next victim, and he was still reeling from the discovery that his father had gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant. And now he was planning to fight for custody of his unborn sibling! Trina wasn’t sure how to feel about that news. She had been honest when she told Spencer that she didn’t think he was ready for that level of responsibility, but she was so proud of him for stepping up to care for his baby brother or sister.
She remembered the determination on his face when he said, “I want to do whatever it takes to protect this baby.” Spencer had really matured over the last few months, she thought, if he was willing to sacrifice so much time and effort to look after a child whose parents he despised, all because he wanted to spare his sibling from the pain he had suffered growing up.
Trina wondered how their friendship would be affected if Spencer won custody. He had said he hoped it wouldn’t change anything, but some things would have to be different—Spencer wouldn’t have nearly as much free time to spend with her, Joss, and Cam if he was looking after a baby all the time. And she knew she was right when she said it would put a definite crimp in any future relationship he had. What Trina didn’t want to admit, even to herself, was that she hoped Spencer’s next romantic relationship would be with her. Had he picked up on that?
Blushing, she recalled his pointed questions at Kelly’s.
“Would you consider being with a man who’s raising a baby?” Spencer had asked.
Trina had been so caught off guard that she nearly tripped over her words. “I wouldn’t know the answer to that. I’d have to be in the situation.”
“What about the situation you’re in, with me? Is me going after custody of this child going to impact whatever is going on between us?”
Yes, Trina thought it was likely that Spencer had picked up on the feelings she kept trying to deny. And he clearly cared about her opinion; he had said as much when he asked for her support in the upcoming custody battle. She remembered the pleased look on his face when she told him that she was proud of him for stepping up for his baby brother or sister. And she had meant it; she really was proud and impressed by the commitment he was making.
What had he said earlier? “I’m not like my father. When I make a commitment to someone, I stick to it. And I’m ready to do just that.”
Trina had gotten the distinct impression that Spencer hadn’t only been referring to the baby when he said that. Was he saying he was committed to her? The idea scared her and excited her at the same time.
Trina suspected that she was fighting a losing battle with herself. The more time she spent with Spencer, the more she grew to care for him. The only reason she hadn’t already given in to her feelings was because she had been so hurt by all that had happened between them before. But Spencer had grown up a lot in the past few months, and every day, she trusted him more.
She remembered his promise earlier that night: “I hope that you know that I’m never going to hurt you again, Trina.”
Trina had looked into his eyes and seen the sincerity there. She believed he would never intentionally hurt her again. And knowing that, she finally acknowledged to herself that it was only a matter of time before she let down her guard and acted on her feelings for him.
She thought back to New Year’s Eve on the Haunted Star. She and Spencer had shared some romantic moments on their “pretend” date that had felt so real. At one point, they had been so close to kissing that she had felt his breath on her lips, but then Esme appeared on the deck, ruining their moment. Trina couldn’t count the number of times that she had thought of their almost kiss and wished that Esme had waited just a few minutes more before she showed up.
What would it feel like to kiss Spencer for real? Frustrated with the direction of her thoughts, Trina turned over and fluffed her pillows. She had wasted enough time this evening grappling with her feelings for Spencer. But try as she might, she couldn’t get him out of her mind, and when she finally dozed off, she dreamed of him, as she so often did these days.
***
Across town, Spencer tossed and turned in his bed, unable to sleep. As usual, his mind was filled with thoughts of Trina. Their talk at Kelly’s tonight had been enlightening, encouraging, and frustrating. For a moment, he thought she was going to admit that she had feelings for him, but then she dashed those hopes by saying she had told her mother that he was her friend.
At least she finally acknowledged we’re friends, Spencer thought ruefully. He really should be grateful; back in September, after they had that awful argument at the Savoy, he would have given anything to hear Trina say they were friends again. But Spencer had always wanted more than friendship from Trina, and over the past few weeks, as they pretended to date in order to lure out the Hook Killer, he had grown convinced that she had feelings for him, too. Spencer knew he hadn’t imagined the attraction between them on New Year’s Eve. He had come so close to kissing her, and Trina had been leaning toward him, too, when Esme came along to ruin things as usual. He wished, as he had a thousand times before, that Esme had waited just a few minutes longer before she interrupted.
Spencer had pushed the envelope with Trina a little bit at Kelly’s, trying to gauge how she felt about him, and now he had a better idea of where he stood with her. He believed Trina had strong feelings for him, but she was fighting them because she was afraid of being hurt again. And he understood—he had wounded her badly last year, first by hiding in his warped relationship with Esme and then by lying to Trina, telling her that he didn’t believe in her innocence when she was accused of revenge porn. She had said as much tonight when she admitted he’d burned her in the past.
Spencer was determined to wait as long as it took to regain Trina’s trust, and he knew he was making progress. No one who knew him would call Spencer Cassadine a patient man, but in this one instance, his patience was unending. He was willing to wait an eternity for Trina to be ready for a relationship with him. And although he wasn’t an optimist, he had reason to hope that the day was coming when Trina would acknowledge that her feelings for him were more than platonic. She had been flustered tonight when he implied their fake dating plot had crossed the line between pretending and reality, but when he offered her the chance to bow out, she made it clear that she wanted to keep up the pretense. Trina was smart; she knew that Esme, the suspected Hook Killer, was behind bars, so why would she be so set on continuing their charade? Maybe, Spencer thought, she was enjoying their fake dates as much as he did.
Trina may not have admitted it, but her actions proved cared deeply about him. Spencer appreciated her offer to attend Britt’s funeral with him. He was still devastated over Britt’s death, and no one else had offered him much support, but Trina was always there, calling and texting to check up on him. And she had defended him to her mother! Spencer knew that was a big deal. Trina and her mom were extremely close and Dr. Robinson couldn’t stand him, so it meant a lot to know Trina had told her mother that Spencer had grown up and that she would make her own decisions when it came to him.
What touched his heart the most, though, was when Trina looked at him with her beautiful brown eyes and told him she was proud of him for stepping up to protect his baby brother or sister. Spencer didn’t think Trina had any idea how much it meant to him to hear those words of affirmation from her. She had made it clear that she wasn’t sure he was ready for such a huge responsibility, but she supported him anyway, and he was determined not to disappoint her. Besides, Spencer owed it to his unborn sibling to protect him or her from being hurt the way he had been by their father’s negligence.
Spencer remembered what he had told Trina earlier. “When I make a commitment to someone, I stick to it. And I’m ready to do just that.” Did Trina realize that he had been referring to her as well as the baby? He hoped she did. He was determined to prove to her that she could rely on him, no matter how long it took.
One other exchange fueled Spencer’s hope that Trina would one day want a romantic relationship with him. He had asked her: “What are we doing? Are we playing the game, or is the game playing us?”
Trina had been so flustered that she stumbled over her words. “I … I don’t … I don’t really know what you’re asking.”
He had pressed a little harder. “Be real, Trina. We’re hanging out, there’s no cameras around, we text each other constantly, but we don’t publicize it. It’s a lot of behind-the-scenes effort for pretense, don’t you think?”
Spencer thought her response then was probably the most honest she had been about her feelings: “OK. It may not just be play-acting for me. For the last few weeks, I started to see you in a certain light.”
When he confessed to feeling the same way and asked why Trina hadn’t said anything, she shot back, “Because you burned me,” and after that, she had started talking about how she told her mother that they were friends.
Spencer thought the reminder that she’d been burned before had scared her into backtracking, but he was still encouraged by the exchange. If it wasn’t just play-acting for her, then maybe all those romantic moments they shared on New Year’s Eve—and the lingering glances and flirting they engaged in every time they met—meant as much to Trina as they did to him.
And maybe, just maybe, one of these days, they could pick up where they had left off on New Year’s Eve. When Spencer finally fell asleep that night, he dreamed of just that—him and Trina kissing in the moonlight on the deck of the Haunted Star, this time with no one around to interrupt.
***
September 2023, New York City
Spencer lay awake and watched Trina as she dozed peacefully in his arms. It was very late and he was exhausted, but he couldn’t fall asleep. Trina was in love with him! He had hoped she felt that way, but he still could hardly believe she had actually said the words he had been longing to hear.
He remembered what he had told her at dinner after she finally said she loved him. “I would have waited an eternity to hear you say those words.” Back in January, Spencer had been willing to wait an eternity to be with Trina, but he didn’t have to wait that long after all. Eight months later, they were together in a committed relationship, they had confessed their love for each other, and they had just made love for the first time. Dreams really do come true, he thought.
Now Spencer wondered how long it would take to convince Trina to be his wife. He’d be willing to wait an eternity for that, too, but he was pretty sure it wouldn’t take that long. The gap between lovers and a married couple wasn’t nearly as huge as the leap from friends to lovers. But he was in no rush. As long as he had Trina’s love, he was happy to move at her pace. After all, she was worth the wait.