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He’d meant to flee. To leave as soon as he was able. It was a dangerous thing for him, disobeying Mithos like this. So flagrantly, so obviously out here helping his son. Eventually, there would be consequences more dire than simply being trailed by Pronyma.
A heavy knot of emotion clogged in his throat and stilled his footsteps as his eyes caught on the grave behind the house. The melancholy of the lone stone monument drew him in and pulled him close without his conscious consent. Reminiscent of the woman whose name was carved there.
The dappled sunlight was a sight to behold as it bathed the memorial in just the right amount of viridescent sunlight. The garden, with its lush green foliage and sweetly singing birds, was almost too picturesque for Kratos to believe that something so beautiful still existed in this world.
Kratos sighed as he turned from the soft rustling of leaves back to the now familiar headstone. It broke his heart, every time he saw it, but, at the same time, there was comfort in the idea that part of her was here. A place for his thoughts of her to rest. Grateful that she had a well-kept memorial in a beautiful forest, the type of place that she had loved.
Being outside, among the trees and the fresh breeze that ruffled her hair. It had suited her, just as much as she had loved it. He allowed his mind to wander as he freed himself to soak in the memories. Lloyd and his friends would be busy inside, dealing with the aftermath of the wild tree, and Colette’s illness. He could take this moment for himself.
“Mr. Kratos…” Kratos turned, his gaze flicking to the Chosen of Sylvarant, startled to realize that the sun was much lower in the sky than when he’d first arrived at Dirk’s home.
Her expression was odd. Her eyes were watery, and her fingers were clenched tightly in front of her, gripping at the hem of her dress. The burned and damaged coat had been replaced with a spare, once again hiding her Chronic Angelus Crystallus Inofficium from sight.
His mind jumped to concern for Lloyd, for it was obvious she was distressed, and the girl cared greatly for him. His panicked heart calmed somewhat as his brain sorted through the evidence. Lloyd was safe, inside his father’s home with the rest of his friends.
So why was she-?
“You must miss her very much.” Shimmering pools of blue stared up at him, and Kratos felt his mind stutter to a stop.
“W-What?”
She wasn’t quite crying, and Kratos couldn’t quite grasp what was happening. Colette offered him another watery smile. She couldn’t possibly be implying what he thought he was. His breath left him as he waited for her to speak, unable to do so much as move.
“Ms. Anna.” Colette nodded to the grave as she came to a stop beside him, her lips still curled in a small, sad smile. She was Clearly doing her best to be comforting, but panic arced through his chest like a painful stitch, despite her efforts.
“I-” Words failed him as he stared down at her. What was happening? How in the world had this happened?
“You come here every time.” Colette’s smile brightened for a moment as she looked up at him, like she was reassuring him again, that somehow this was okay . His heart skipped back into a rhythm, and Kratos felt like he was near to choking with the way it pounded against his chest.
“No one else can hear us if we talk quietly, you know.” She turned to him as she wiped the tears that had beaded at the corners of her eyes.
“Chosen, t-this is…”
“I thought it was weird that you were so alike.” She was hiding a smile now, and Kratos felt his heart do another strange, painful twist.
“P-Pardon?”
“You and Lloyd.” The smile was in her voice now as she’d turned to study the grave, her golden hair swishing as she rocked onto the balls of her feet. Kratos took a deep breath, hoping to calm the nerves he could feel crawling uncomfortably up and down his arms. “Before we knew more about everything, I thought it was a coincidence, but when I saw you two together again today…” Her words trailed into a shrug, her grin watery when she found his face again.
Kratos sighed, the weight of his secrets heavy against his chest. What could he possibly tell her to dissuade her at this point? She wasn’t dumb, sheltered by the Oracle priests certainly, but clearly intelligent.
“Yes.” His gaze flickered to Anna’s grave for a moment, and he heard Colette’s soft gasp, but he refused to look away from his wife’s name so carefully etched into the weathered stone. “I miss her very much.”
“Oh, Mr. Kratos…” Colette sighed as Kratos forced himself to look at the young Chosen. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“How could I?” His words were harsh now. The ones he'd practiced. The ones he’d told himself over and over again to keep himself from saying what the selfish part of him so desperately wanted to. “It was an impossible story. None of you would’ve believed me.”
“Maybe not.” Colette agreed, her hands fidgeting with the hem of her coat as she glanced nervously between him and the cabin. She probably wasn’t “supposed” to be out here with him, enemy that he was. “But after the Tower-”
“He doesn’t need me. He has a father, friends…. People he grew up with, people who love him. I…” His voice was thick, and he paused to contemplate his next words. The stab of pain to his heart was familiar. “...I can give him nothing except for the weight of my mistakes.”
“But you love him too.” Colette’s voice was barely above a whisper, her eyes wide and full of heartbreak. Kratos glanced towards the window where, if he listened carefully, he could hear Lloyd’s voice as he playfully argued with Genis.
“Yes.”
Colette sighed again as she gave him a rather searching stare. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, a nervous habit he’d had since childhood, under the weight of her prolonged gaze. No one had made eye contact with him like that for quite a while and Kratos realized that suddenly, and for the first time in a long time, she was wholly unafraid of him.
“Can I ask why you're with Cruxis?”
“... There are things that exist only within their control.”
“Things?”
“Things needed to cure you. Things needed to set the world right again.”
The door to the cabin opened, and their conversation ended abruptly. Colette’s slim eyebrows had furrowed, giving Kratos the impression of an angry kitten, but before she could speak further, Lloyd stepped outside. His head swung around to find them and his lips parted slightly in confusion.
“You’re still here?” It wasn’t an accusation, pure curiosity lit his brown eyes as he stared up at him. Kratos allowed himself a grimace, his gaze slipping to Colette, who was staring back at him, wide-eyed and uncertain.
“The Chosen wished to speak with me.” Kratos hedged the explanation, watching as her eyebrows furrowed, indecision plain on her features. Kratos felt his heart skip, nerves tightening in his gut. She didn’t seem like one to betray a confidence, but her loyalty was to Lloyd, not to him.
Lloyd walked forward, hands shoved into his pockets as he looked between the two of them, endlessly curious. In some ways, he was still the same boy filled with wonder that he’d been fifteen years ago.
“Mr. Kratos was just telling me about how he’s helping us!” Her voice was light and full of cheer, and Kratos felt himself pale, the slight anticipatory glint in her eyes somehow more reminiscent of the woman he’d been married to than what he was used to seeing in the Chosen. A deep, instinctual part of him remembered what it meant. She was going to be leading him towards this conversation with his son, whether he wanted it or not. And if he didn’t, she would likely say just enough to push Lloyd in his direction.
“Wait-what? Really?” Lloyd’s eyes had gotten even rounder as he practically gaped at him, and Kratos took a steadying breath. He glanced between the two wide-eyed children and dipped his head in what could barely be considered a nod, watching as their faces lit with twin excitement. Kratos was forced to resign himself to the fact that somehow Colette was in charge now.
If he didn’t stay, if he fled now, he had no doubt that Colette would say something . He couldn’t be sure what that would be exactly, but he also couldn’t help but feel like it would be worse if he didn’t stay. If Lloyd had to know, then he should be there to offer what explanations he could. Or maybe he wanted to be? Nerves had swallowed the better part of his sense, and he could no longer reason himself out of this situation.
“Why’re you helping us?”
“Yggrasill needs to be stopped.” The truth, but also a lie.
“Er, yeah, but then… Why were you….?” The implication in his words was clear and Kratos crossed his arms, wondering if, truly, he’d be forced to relate the whole long story of the War, of Cruxis, of himself. He fought for the right words. Caught between his unwillingness to spin the whole tale and not knowing where to start.
“Why don’t you tell Lloyd about it?” Colette was smiling at him again, a hopeful smile that was warmer and more genuine than any she’d been able to manage on the Journey of Regeneration. Guilt slithered, thick and oily, down the back of his throat, before it pooled in his stomach like a lead weight. Colette was staring at him with the same wide blue eyes as the Chosen that had come before her, and shame burned like a red-hot flash across his skin. She had an unbelievable lack of bitterness towards him, so much so that if Kratos hadn’t known her as he did, he would’ve second-guessed her motives. It was almost unbelievable that she was trying to help him at all, considering the things he’d done to her, had done to her family for generations.
“Er…” Lloyd was blinking at her, looking nearly as stunned as Kratos had felt when she’d confronted him earlier.
“Excuse us.” Colette bowed her head before she took Lloyd by the elbow and gently, but more firmly than Kratos was used to the demure girl being, led his son away to speak in ‘private.’ Surely they both knew he could still hear them.
“You really think he’s just going to tell me?” Lloyd’s voice was ‘hushed’ in the way only Anna’s son’s could be. Half-whispered, and despite an effort at quietness, Kratos was certain he’d have been able to hear him, even without his enhanced hearing.
“I do.” Colette was beaming at him and Kratos felt a small jolt of sympathy and Lloyd flustered somewhat under the Chosen’s beatific smile. It was strange to see an echo of his own ready embarrassment creeping up on Lloyd’s usually unabashed face.
Reaching up, the Chosen grabbed Lloyd by both of his shoulders and Lloyd started, his back suddenly stiff.
“You’ll be okay.” She smiled at him again before she gave his hands a squeeze and pulled away and hurried towards the cabin.
“Er. Okay?” Lloyd stared after her until she disappeared inside. He looked back over his shoulder and met Kratos’ gaze, plainly mystified.
It was only a moment before Lloyd shuffled towards him. His attention shifted to his mother’s grave before finding Kratos’ gaze again, all earnest curiosity.
He stood next to him, expectant. Kratos sighed, dread and nervousness a dull ache in his stomach.
“It’s a very long story.” Kratos watched as Lloyd’s eyebrows furrowed for a half a second, and sensing an incoming complaint, Kratos forced himself to continue. “Yggdrasill and I…” It was hard to think of him how he'd been in the past and call him by that name. In his head, ‘Mithos’ and ‘Yggdrasill’ had become two different people centuries ago. “We were companions, once. He changed. Cruxis became a tool of his ambition, and everyone else became expendable.”
“So you left?”
“Yes, many years ago.”
“...But you went back…”
He stopped himself from glancing back at Anna’s grave, pain bleeding across his heart as he forced himself to stare at the tops of his boots. His fingernails bit into his palms, his hands tight fists at his sides.
“What…” His voice cracked, and he felt himself scowl, emotion getting the better of him. He refused to look up for more than a second, just long enough to catch the expression on his son’s face. Lloyd was staring at him with wide curious eyes, his brows were furrowed, and he’d caught his bottom lip between his teeth. He looked almost worried for him. Kratos swallowed, somewhat buoyed by his son’s ready compassion. “What do you want to know?”
“...Are you serious?” Lloyd’s words came out shakily and Kratos couldn’t immediately tell if he was angry or excited, and judging from the wild look in his brown eyes, it was probably both. “Why all of a sudden-”
“Lloyd-” he sighed, pausing to piece his next words together, carefully.
“Why is that all you ever say to me?!” The words stuck at him like blows, the sheer volume and emotion behind them was unexpected, even from Lloyd.
“I-What?” The words startled from his lips, and Lloyd let out a rough sigh before he took a deep breath, visibly steeling himself.
“You say my name. All. The. Time.”
“Do I?” He could hear the surprise in his own voice, and Lloyd let out a loud sigh, running his hand through his hair, looking up at him in what could only be annoyed disbelief.
“More importantly… What do you mean, Cruxis changed ? Hasn’t Cruxis been around for like…” Lloyd trailed into silence, his right hand rolling forward to indicate a rather large span of time, a confused frown bunching his features. “...Ever?”
“Four thousand years.” Kratos couldn’t help a moment’s concern at the boy’s apparent lack of education, but decided to forgo the topic for the moment.
“So like… when did you-”
Kratos sighed, this was the plunge. The moment when Anna had looked at him like he was out of his mind. The only difference being, Lloyd had, someway or another, acquired better context for the rather fantastical story of his own father’s biography.
“Before we were Cruxis, we were friends trying to stop a war.”
“A war…” Lloyd looked thoughtful for a moment, then suddenly delighted with himself. “The Ancient War!”
Kratos nodded and waited, watching as Lloyd’s expression went from rather pleased to confused, then startled.
“But you just said ‘we-’” He pointed out, and Kratos felt his lips curl in a wry smile and Lloyd startled into silence. “Oh. You’re serious. Can… Do angels really live that long?”
Kratos sighed and crossed his arms for lack of something to do with his hands, watching as Lloyd stared at him with wide eyes, looking like he was seeing him in a whole new light. Which, Kratos realized, would be happening many times throughout this conversation, if the Chosen had her way.
“We obviously have. Cruxis Crystals were never meant for long term use. We’ve done more with them than anyone would’ve thought possible.”
“Is that safe?” Lloyd looked concerned, and Kratos felt his heart warm, watching as empathy emanated from his son in waves.
He’d always been a kind boy, and being able to witness the compassionate young man that his son had become washed some of the pain of his own failures away. To have that inherent trait of his son so cared for, and so carefully nurtured, warmed his heart. He really would have to do something for Dirk while he still could. He would never be able to thank the man enough for the gift of everything he’d done that Kratos couldn’t.
Realizing he’d lost himself to his thoughts and neglected to do so, he answered Lloyd’s question:
“I’ve removed it before without consequence.”
Lloyd hummed in response, and they drifted into an awkward silence. Belatedly, Kratos realized he was supposed to be the one to be leading this conversation, confessing his sins and receiving judgment. Instead, he stood in silence, waiting.
“You were one of the Kharlan Heroes…” Lloyd’s gaze had dropped to where Flamberge was sheathed at his side, and Kratos wondered if perhaps the sword itself hadn’t snaked its way into the legends, it was certainly flashy enough.
“Yes. So was Yuan.” He knew his son well enough to pause here and wait for the exclamation, and he was not at all disappointed as Lloyd stared back at him, mouth agape.
“Then Yggdrasill-”
“Is his surname. Mithos and Martel Yggdrasill. The two remaining ‘heroes.’” The last word came out sardonically enough for Lloyd to notice, and the boy flinched. Kratos decided to end the history lesson. “We ended the war only by creating this mess you’re trying to clean up. Splitting the warring factions into the two worlds. It was only supposed to be temporary, but Martel was killed and Mithos…” He was ashamed to hear his own voice breaking, and he swallowed, desperate to find his voice and admit his own shame.
“...Lost it.” Lloyd finished and Kratos flinched, his heart aching for his lost friend, and Lloyd shuffled a few steps closer.
“You were friends. He…” Lloyd was peering up at him, and Kratos felt suddenly exposed, wondering at the bright intelligence he could see behind those young eyes. Lloyd was uniquely brilliant when it came to understanding people. “He’s the person you trained. Before me.”
Kratos nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and Lloyd gave him an odd look.
“You followed him for so long .”
“Yes. I….” Kratos gave his son, the leader of a rag-tag group of would-be heroes, a long look, fighting the shame that curled like barbed wire in his gut. “I don’t think you’ll ever be able to understand this, Lloyd. But, in Mithos, I thought I’d found someone I could trust. He was the one person who was trying to do the right thing, so I committed myself to following his lead.” Kratos paused to take a breath, glancing at his son whose brows were furrowed, but he was listening raptly, his warm eyes earnest.
“Martel was a good friend to me. She was also Mithos’s sister and Yuan’s fiancée. Mithos said it would be simple to bring her back and fix the world, and impossible to do it any other way. I believed him, believed in him . I was taught to follow orders and…. It seems to be a hard habit to break. I find myself doing so again and again.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand.” Lloyd gave him a long look before offering him a small smile. “But you did leave.”
“Only when it was too late. Only when the true horror of Cruxis was placed directly in front of me did I realize what was happening, what Mithos had become. His cruelty had become too plain for me to ignore.”
“But then, what did you do?”
“Nothing.” Kratos’ shame felt endless as he watched a small flicker of disappointment cross his son’s features, and his heart skipped a few panicked beats. This would no doubt only be the beginning of the boy’s disappointment in his father. “I wandered. I was lost. Fighting Yggrasill felt impossible, saving the worlds even more so. Without someone to guide me, I was impotent.”
“But you’re fighting him now.” Lloyd seemed determined to find some good in him, and Kratos was grateful, despite the futility of the effort.
“I’m following you now, Lloyd. It’s hardly a departure of character.”
“Oh.” Lloyd seemed at once proud and concerned, and Kratos sighed, wondering if perhaps airing all of his personal history wasn’t the best way to go about this. He’d meant to be technical, to tell the boy about Mithos, Origin and the Eternal Sword, and somehow they’d ended up here, talking about his own flaws and failures.
“Why was Colette crying?” Lloyd’s sounded concerned, but not at all accusatory. Kratos shifted his gaze to meet the boy’s eyes, Lloyd didn’t seem disappointed or angry, only thoughtful.
“She’s a very kind girl.”
“Ah… yeah.” Lloyd easily agreed, although he seemed more than a little confused. “Was that the answer to the question?”
“Yes….” Kratos trailed, looking at his son. His stomach ached, and he knew it was fear settling there, hard and immovable. He was too cowardly to take the opening his question had provided, instead he allowed himself to wait for Lloyd’s next question.
The guilt of making a child do the hard part seared through him like a poison, but he couldn't make himself speak, to say the words that needed to be said. There was too much pain, too much guilt and too much heartbreak for him to force himself into action.
True to form, the silence lasted for only a few moments before Lloyd turned to stare up at him, determination creasing his brows.
“Why did you go back?”
He felt himself flinch at the question, and he had to force himself to remain facing forward, the pull of the grave behind him suddenly hard to ignore. He swallowed the lump in his throat before looking at his son, wondering what benefit could possibly come from the truth of the messiness of their history, of his inevitable death to save the words. But, if it came down to it, he supposed Lloyd at least deserved the truth. Lloyd was watching him carefully, and Kratos felt the weight of the locket where it rested against his chest, the warm metal and its comforting weight a solid reminder of who he had once been.
He slipped his hand to the back of his neck, and watched as Lloyd’s sharp gaze narrowed on the piece of metalwork, his eyes curious and calculating. He’d been raised by a blacksmith, after all.
“I lost everything. When Yggdrasil dragged me back, I had no will left to fight him. He told me that he would fix everything once Martel was revived and I…” Kratos' heart stumbled in his chest and his voice wavered, but he was able to force the rest of the words from his lips. “I no longer cared about anything.”
“But you care now?” Lloyd’s voice was confident, and Kratos felt his lips curl upwards, unable to help the bubble of joy that formed in his chest at the assuredness of Lloyd’s belief in his goodness.
“I do,” he admitted, and Lloyd let out a relieved breath of air. Kratos felt the reality of his actions like a lead coat across his shoulders. He didn’t deserve any of Lloyd's hope, or his forgiveness. He’d done a terrible job getting Lloyd to hate him. Not only that, but he’d done a terrible job of being a father. A terrible job, all around, really.
“Good.” Lloyd smiled at him, and he felt the almost smile at the corners of his lips again, but the weight of the locket drew his eyes, and Kratos ran his fingers over the familiar worn milgrain. “What changed your mind?”
“I found something I thought I had lost.” Kratos looked up from the locket, and Lloyd froze under what had to be a more intense look than he’d meant. Kratos found himself unable to find a more reassuring expression to share with his son.
“What was it?” Lloyd seemed to be almost unaware of what he was saying, his eyebrows pulling into a worried crease. Kratos swallowed, heart pounding as he realized he was one simple word away from the truth.
“You.”
Lloyd blinked a few times, confusion knitting his brows, but Kratos couldn’t bring himself to elaborate, the truth of it all was too much.
“Me? I don’t-”
Kratos leaned forward, and Lloyd blinked, the gold of the locket glinting between them in the same warm afternoon light that made the forest around them glow. Lloyd was staring at him with wide eyes, and Kratos realized with a stray heartbeat that he was holding the locket out to his son. The last piece of his heart, the proof that their family had once been happy.
Lloyd reached forward, his hand shaking as his fingers brushed the burnished metal, something holding him back from taking it. Lloyd stared up at him, concern bunching his eyebrows. Kratos felt a bit of relief bloom in his chest. The knot of dread in his chest slowly loosening. He’d taken the first step over the ledge, all he had to do now was fall.
“You should have it.”
“W-What?” Lloyd ran a finger along the seam unconsciously as he stared up at him, mouth slack. “Why would you even-”
“Open it.” The words were meant to be a command, but they sounded broken, almost desperate to his own ears, and he watched as Lloyd’s face crumbled. His fingers shook in earnest now, tapping audibly against the metal.
Something like horror flickered across his face for a moment, heartbreak swallowing his expression before he tore his gaze away, narrowing in on the locket that Kratos had dropped into his waiting palm.
Lloyd collapsed down onto his knees, and Kratos sucked in a shaking breath of air before sliding down onto the ground beside him. Not too close, but towering over him would likely not help matters. He’d yet to say anything, but it was clear to Kratos that he’d come to the right conclusion. He was taking deep breaths, his fingers clenched tightly around the locket still, and Kratos did his best to keep his face impassive.
It wouldn't do to show the boy how this cut him up inside. The pain of his rejection, the horror he’d seen so clearly on his son’s face, shattering him each time he recalled it. Eventually it would become yet another painful memory, but there had yet to be a point where they stopped hurting.
Lloyd moved slowly, pulling the locket into his lap, his legs crossing as he stared intently down at the small oval of gold. He’d yet to look up at him, but Kratos was unsurprised. He could hardly stand to look at himself, some days.
Lloyd opened the locket in silence, and Kratos’ gaze was drawn to the familiar photo inside. He felt a smile tug at his lips, despite everything. Anna smiling back at them was enough to cause a small trickle of peace to pervade through what was otherwise proving to be a harrowing experience. Seeing her face was a sharp reminder that this was what she would’ve wanted. She would’ve hated that he’d hidden from Lloyd after finding him. He felt another familiar stab of guilt to his heart, but the wound was soothed by the reminder that she would have forgiven his idiocy, as she had time and time again. Not without a certain amount of disappointment, but she’d known him well enough that she would have been unsurprised.
He was drawn from his thoughts by a quiet sniffle, and Kratos felt himself move forward without thinking. He managed to stop himself with a jolt and pulled his hand back to rest on his own knee. As much as he wanted to comfort his son, that was probably the last thing Lloyd needed.
Lloyd rubbed a hand roughly across his eyes before glancing up at him, his expression a damp mix of exhaustion and annoyance. They stared at each other in silence, and Kratos felt embarrassment curl hot and uncomfortable against his chest. He’d expected the rejection, the upset, the rage. He hadn’t been expecting such a long, critical, almost thoughtful gaze. Relief relaxed Lloyd’s features further, and he took another glance at the locket before shifting so that he sat more comfortably, half facing Kratos and still watching him. His eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes were still wide and shining. Curious and trusting, despite everything.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” His voice was soft, and Kratos sighed. It was the truth or nothing at this point.
“I wanted to. Many times.”
Lloyd’s eyebrows creased and Kratos waited, privately wondering what sort of interrogation this would be.
“And…” Lloyd prompted, a bite of annoyance in his voice, and Kratos dared a glance at him before switching to the much safer view of the surrounding forest.
“I didn’t see how I could. It… it would be easier for you, easier for you to protect the Chosen, easier for you to fight Cruxis, if you hated me. You likely wouldn't have believed me, anyway.”
“I- Well, maybe not at first,” Lloyd confessed, and Kratos felt a tremulous roll of his lips, wondering if anyone would consider it a smile. Lloyd was incredibly generous, considering he hadn’t tried to hit or run from him yet, and Kratos was grateful for that, at least.
“At the tower…” Lloyd swallowed and Kratos flinched, the memory burning like an iron brand against his mind. Rarely had he been so angry. He truly hadn't expected to have his loyalty tested in such a way. He’d thought that Mithos, at least, would understand the importance of family, in his own twisted way. “What was your plan, exactly?”
Kratos shifted, embarrassment replacing the ghost of his anger. It had been a slap-dash plan if there ever was one, but, he glanced at his son, not one of the worst either of them had come up with.
“If the Renegades hadn’t shown up in time, I was going to kill Yggdrasill myself.” The words sounded ridiculous, even to his own ears, and he still felt the heat of a flush crawl up his neck at the loud snort from his son.
“Seriously?!” The word burst from his lips on a laugh, and Kratos frowned, his arms crossing as the next words fell from his lips naturally:
“I wasn’t going to allow him to kill you.”
Lloyd smiled, and Kratos felt himself still in the sudden quietude of the woods. It was a real smile. A grateful smile, and Kratos wasn’t sure he deserved it, but it warmed him to receive it all the same.
“Thanks for that.”
Kratos was content to watch Lloyd in the quiet of the grave site as he studied the locket. His eyes skimmed the picture again and his brow furrowed for a moment before he let out a deep breath, the smile returning to his lips.
“I thought you said you did nothing?” Lloyd had an odd look on his face as his gaze traced between the portrait and Kratos a few times. His confusion must’ve shown on his face because Lloyd continued, a shadow of his usual grin flickering about his lips. “When you left Cruxis. Before.”
“Oh.” Kratos took a deep breath, his heart dancing a few quick beats against his chest. “Yes. Well. Not on my own.”
“Oh.” A short, but loaded word if Kratos had ever heard one. Lloyd looked back down at the locket, apparently unable to look away.
“You’re not quite as upset as I imagined you’d be.” He’d surprised himself by speaking without prompting, and Lloyd seemed only vaguely startled, his eyes jumping to him.
“I…” Lloyd hesitated, his frustration clear in his face as it bubbled to the surface. “I can’t agree with a lot of the decisions you’ve made.” Lloyd met his eyes, and Kratos took a deep breath, the air rattling through his lungs, and nodded solemnly. They were largely bad decisions, he’d be disappointed if Lloyd wasn’t. “But I’m not going to hate you for them.”
Kratos very nearly jumped in surprise, relief crashing over him like a wave, and he watched as the boy demurred, clearly embarrassed.
“I am sorry for all of this, Lloyd.”
“Well.” Lloyd swallowed, silent for longer than was usual for the rather gregarious teen. “I told you earlier. I had a hard time thinking of you as an enemy, anyway.”
Kratos startled again, his eyes widening as his son stared at him, thoughtful. “No wonder, since you were helping us.” Lloyd muttered as he ran a hand through his hair, and Kratos huffed out a breath of air that was almost a laugh. “Did you know from the beginning?”
“I… when I saw Anna’s grave outside, I…” Kratos' voice caught in his throat as he fully turned, allowing himself to look at the grave for the first time since Lloyd had joined him.
Lloyd didn’t say anything, but followed Kratos' gaze, and together they sat in silence before the woman that had forever changed his life and created Lloyd’s.
“What was she like?” Lloyd had turned fully towards his mother’s grave, and reached out to gently prod at a bouquet of local wildflowers so that they sat more upright. He froze, his cinnamon brown eyes wide as they met his own, over his shoulder. “Wait. Did you bring these?”
Kratos nodded, unable to speak as he watched the stunned expression fade from Lloyd's face as he rolled back into a crouch.
“Yeah, okay, I guess that makes sense…” He was muttering to himself, so Kratos took that as permission for his continued silence.
Kratos took the moment to process Lloyd’s previous question. What was the answer to such a question? Anna was hard to explain in words, she was much more of a feeling in his memories, and Kratos had never been very good at words. It was a travesty that the boy couldn't remember his mother. She had loved him so much, with her whole heart, with her whole body, and he had only a shadow of a feeling and an exsphere to remember her by.
“She was a lot like you.” They were alike in a lot of ways, and it seemed as good a place as any to start, but Kratos hadn’t been expecting Lloyd to look at him like that. Like he was about to cry, a stunned sort of reverence behind his eyes. A smile split his lips, but he still looked so fragile, childlike. Kratos felt his own heart stammer as he fought to keep from drowning in his own grief. Seeing both the child he remembered and the wife he’d lost in the young man in front of him.
“R-Really?”
Kratos nodded and, fighting for control of his tongue and mouth, he pushed the words from his lips.
“She loved people, and being outdoors. She loved you, most of all.” Kratos allowed that small door to open, the one in his mind that held the happy memories. A place he seldom went to, for coming back was far too painful. Lloyd deserved to have some of that happiness, so Kratos closed his eyes, allowing the memories to surface and for the words to come to his lips.
“She was energetic, and so happy to be alive. She was strong, she survived so much, but she still believed the world was beautiful…” His voice cracked, and he stopped himself from speaking further, pushing the memories away and fighting back the stiff feeling of grief as it tightened itself around his throat. “She forgave me.”
He froze when he felt the tentative weight of a hand against his shoulder, and he looked up to find Lloyd settling down on the ground next to him, one hand on his shoulder. Tears had leapt to the corners of his eyes, but he was smiling. Kratos found himself unable to speak or decipher the mess of feelings that had lodged themselves in his throat.
“Thanks…” Lloyd breathed out the word in the reverent silence, and Kratos swallowed, unable to move or think past the storm of his own thoughts.
They sat in the still silence of the early evening long enough for the light of the forest to shift from gold to a light dusky purple. When Lloyd finally moved again, he stretched his arms above his head and offered Kratos a smile before turning to face Dirk’s house. Confusion furrowed his brows, his gaze flicking between Kratos and the cabin.
“How did Colette…?”
“The Chosen, Colette,” he corrected, and Lloyd blinked, a smile curling at the corners of his lips, and Kratos privately acknowledged that he should call the poor girl by her name more often. “Decided to confront me on the topic.”
“She knew?!” Lloyd looked panicked, and Kratos offered him what he hoped was at least a somewhat comforting smile. Lloyd calmed somewhat, his own lips flickering in return for a second, his fingers drumming against his thighs, anxious for an answer.
“She suspected. She pays more attention to you than any of your other friends.” Kratos' felt the teasing curl of his lips and tried to curtail the tone in his voice, but the red that crept on his son’s cheeks was evidence of his failure.
“Uh, that’s…” Lloyd muttered and Kratos snorted out half a laugh, watching as the teen grappled for a non-embarrassing explanation. Kratos' gaze flickered to the west where the sun had now well and truly set, the grasping claws of twilight their only slowly dying source of light.
“I can only stay for so long until my absence is noticed.” He sighed, not at all anxious to return to Cruxis, and he watched Lloyd frown, somehow equally disappointed.
“You can’t just leave .” Lloyd grumbled at him, and Kratos felt his eyebrows skirt higher as surprise mingled with joy in his chest, leaving him feeling lighter than he’d felt in ages .
“You’d like for me to stay?”
“I mean, I know you can’t, since you’re still with Cruxis for a reason , but of course I’d like you to stay. Don’t you want to?” Lloyd’s voice cracked, and Kratos watched as the embarrassed flush made its reappearance. The last of the tension finally left him, and Kratos allowed himself to relax into the stark feeling of relief. He was finally through this conversation and Lloyd was asking him to stay. No matter that he didn’t deserve it, if it was what Lloyd wanted, maybe it was ok for him to want it too.
“I do. Thank you, Lloyd.” Kratos allowed himself the fond smile he had a hard time not giving and watched as Lloyd flustered again. Uncomfortable, but not upset.
“W-What for?” Lloyd had glanced back down at the locket, his fingers running over the smooth edges, like Kratos’s had so many times before.
“For being as amazing as you are.” Kratos stood as he spoke, the smile still hanging about his lips and Lloyd nearly stumbled as he stood, his hand chasing to rub the back of his neck, suddenly awkward.
“I- uh.” Lloyd stumbled over his words now as he hurried to follow Kratos back towards the main path to the house. “You’re leaving now?”
“Unless you’d like Pronyma to make an appearance…” He trailed, and Lloyd flinched, a scowl scrunching his expression. Kratos found himself free to wonder if that made them look more alike. Probably.
“Ew, he has her following you around?”
Kratos huffed another laugh as he half turned back to Lloyd, realizing he’d never gotten to the piece of information that might actually be useful for his son and his mission.
“The Eternal Sword.”
“Uh-what-?” Lloyd was staring at him with wide eyes, confusion pulling his lips into a frown.
“It’s what Mithos used to split the worlds, it’s what’s needed to put them back. I’ve been trying to find the reagents to allow you to wield it. ”
“So that’s why you were running all over Tethe’alla.”
Kratos nodded and Lloyd’s brows furrowed again, something like worry pinching his lips.
“They have to know you’re helping us!”
“Surely.” Kratos agreed, and Lloyd’s arms crossed as he stared at him, brow furrowing even further.
“Isn’t that dangerous…?” Lloyd’s concern warmed his heart, and Kratos couldn’t help a smile, barely able to fight off the instinct to ruffle the boy’s hair.
“Yggrasill needs me alive, I will be alright. He is, however, jealous of you. ”
“Oh.” Lloyd gave him an odd look, at once startled and confused. He seemed more and more perplexed as the seconds went by, and Kratos decided to let the boy think about it, it was too soon for it to make sense to him. For someone to want him as a father-figure. “Ah… thanks.” Lloyd nodded, biting his lips as he very obviously tried to work through what Kratos was implying.
Kratos felt worry tighten his gut, but he stowed the feeling away. He’d made the choice to stay with Cruxis, and now he had to live with it. He studied the young man in front of him, adept now with his swords. He was almost to the point where Kratos could worry less about his safety, if such a thing was possible.
Lloyd had pressed his hands together, nervously tugging at the cuffs of his gloves, and Kratos watched him, curious.
“Can we, uh, talk later?”
He was silent only for the moment of his surprise, happiness warm and light in his chest.
“When I can. I’ll be able to find you.” Kratos stopped when the door to the cabin opened and Colette stumbled outside, the rest of Lloyd’s friends scattered behind her. No doubt the Chosen had heard every word, but he could only wonder about the rest. They seemed curious, but no one was giving him any particularly odd looks. They probably didn’t know.
“Uhmm…” Colette shuffled forward a few steps, her gaze flying between them rapidly. “Is everything okay?” Her fingers clenched tightly in front of her chest.
Kratos allowed his gaze to flick back over his shoulder as Lloyd met his eyes with a small smile.
“Yeah, we’re good.” Lloyd’s comforting words were the last thing he heard before he activated the remote warp device and the verdant forest of Sylvarant dissolved in the bright white of Welgia.