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It was another of those days when Tony had to hunt down his boyfriend for lunch. After Stephen had missed five dates with excuses like the ichor god bel-shamhorth, and witches, Tony got the hint that he needed to pick Stephen up for their dates.
The sanctum opened its doors with more gravitas than usual. Tony patted the door frame like always. He started the route around the building that would take him through all Stephen’s normal places.
He was half way down the hallway leading to the window room when one of the parlors’ door opened and six women stepped out in tight formation. Tony was pretty sure he had had a teenage dream starring these ladies, with the red corset tops and the harem pants slit up the sides topped off with gold jeweled cuffs. Teenage him probably hadn’t included swords in his fantasy, but adult Tony appreciated the competence it implied.
In eerie synchronization the ladies tilted their perfect chins and narrowed their bright black eyes at him. Together they spoke. “Are you a member of the Asure Clade?”
“Nope. I’m here to see a wizard. He looks a lot like me but with a more medieval fashion sense.”
“Oh.” They relaxed. “Fair winds.” They flocked past Tony toward the solarium.
Stephen wasn’t in the Window of Worlds room. Backtracking Tony headed toward the kitchen. Halfway there he peeked into the armory and found lizard men. One with sandy orange scales and a paunch hissed at him. The slightly tanner one beside the first lizard thumped the other with this tail then squared up to Tony.
“Zellooo.”
“Hi.” One of the ones at the back flicked its tongue out tasting the air. “Are you guys lost? I heard there’s an IMF meeting in Morocco. So if you’re running the government...”
“Are zou part of the ssshadry delegation?” The lizard asked.
“No. I’m here to see a man about a sandwich.” Tony jerked a thumb toward the kitchen and left the lizard men alone.
The kitchen was a bust too. So Tony headed upstairs to the library. The library took longer to check because Stephen had a habit of curling up in nooks and out of the way places when he was reading.
Tony was checking around a bookshelf when there was a heavy thump behind him. He spun and was face to snout with a squirrel. A very large squirrel. A squirrel that could look him in the eye and had an ammo belt slung across its chest.
It twitched its whiskers, once, twice, then chittered explosively at him.
“Sorry, no habla … squirrel.”
The squirrel chittered again, leaning in.
Tony eyed the door. “I’ll just--”
The squirrel’s nose wrinkled in a snarl which gave Tony an eyeful of teeth the size of his fingers.
“Listen…”
Wong stepped through the door of the library, sighed, and walked over to put a hand on Tony’s shoulder.
The squirrel chittered less aggressively toward Wong.
“No, he's Master Strange's nestmate.”
The squirrel settled back on its haunches watching their movements attentively.
Wong used the hand on Tony’s shoulder to pull him out of the library.
“Oh! Now you acknowledge Stephen and I are dating.“
Wong kept frowning. “Neatmates can mean siblings.” He side-eyed Tony. “And you two look enough alike to pass.” Wong steered Tony into the hall of artifacts. And there was Stephen looking majestic in his long blue coat and the Cloak of levitation floating lightly around his shoulders.
One of the women from earlier was looking equally regal with her arm resting on Stephen’s. Tony slid over and took Stephen’s other arm looking at the woman with a challenging eyebrow waggle.
Wong’s sigh was audible but Tony only cared about the sly smile he got from Stephen. Deftly, Stephen handed the woman off to Wong. “If you’ll excuse me.” Stephen bowed and whisked Tony away to one of the rarely used sitting rooms.
Once the door closed Stephen’s posture relaxed so that he was leaning into Tony.
Tony brushed a kiss over his cheek and asked “Is that a squirrel in your library or are you just happy to see me?”
Stephen snorted a surprised laugh. “There is definitely a squirrel in my library but I am happy to see you.”
“Why the crowd?”
“Masters of the Mystic Arts are protectors of dimension stability, and sometimes those duties include mediating disputes.”
“Oh, is Minoru here?”
Stephen sighed. “No, I'm facilitating the negotiation.”
“How's that going?” Tony loved Stephen he really did. And Stephen was a good person. He just wasn’t always a patient person.
“Fine.”
“That bad?”
“I just spent half an hour explaining two parent reproduction to a member of a species that buds off its young.”
Tony blinked. Was there another group at the sanctum he hadn’t met or did the squirrel… “Why did you need to explain that?”
Stephen looked away. “Because I threatened to cut a baby in half.”
Tony laughed. Stephen closed his eyes in despair then started laughing along with Tony.
After they had stopped and wiped away their tears Tony asked “Hey Babe, what’s your opinion on harem pants? Because you absolutely have the legs for them.”
“Only on birthdays or anniversaries.”