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Derek and Spencer had only grown closer since the younger man had come out to Derek as transgender. While the two had always enjoyed each other's company (Derek would even go so far as to call them best friends) they were now inseparable. Wherever Derek went, there was Spencer. Garcia had pointed it out once, saying that he'd grown a shadow. Derek had felt the need to correct her.
"A shadow would imply seen but not heard," the man gave a smile, "I quite enjoy listening to what he has to say and I like to think he enjoys my conversation too."
And it was true, Derek truly enjoyed listening to Spencer speak. His voice was soothing and the topics were never boring. On one memorable occasion, Spencer had come back to Derek's after a long case and even though the both of them were practically dead on their feet, before they knew it the sun was peeking in through the window and they were debating the merits of bar versus liquid soap.
There were solid arguments on both sides.
However, Derek found that even when nothing was being said he still thoroughly enjoyed the geniuses company. Spencer had this way about him that calmed Derek when nothing and no one else could. Just being able to look over and see him reading on the couch beside him settled something deep within him. Logically, he knew that these feelings were more than platonic and they most definitely weren't familial, but the cowardly (traumatized) portion of his brain refused to acknowledge them for what they were.
Thanks to Carl Burford, his brain steadfastly and vehemently refused to accept that his feelings for the younger man were romantic. So, on the surface he was calm and cool and collected, everything that the other knew Derek Morgan to be. Underneath, though, was a different story. His brain had waged a war against his heart and it was all he could do most days to keep from exploding.
There wasn't a single thing about Spencer that didn't make him want to pull the genius close and sink into his warmth. There was just something so, dare he say it, lovable about him. Spencer would walk into the bullpen in the morning and Derek's heart would start to beat faster. Would give Derek a soft smile from across the plane on a hard case and his hands would sweat. Would nudge Derek with his shoulder in response to something ridiculous being said and his knees would shake.
Derek had it bad. It was bad. His mind and body were at such constant odds that he had actually thrown up in the privacy of his bathroom when the urge to kiss Spencer had hit strong. It wasn't that Derek was revolted by the curly haired genius it was that his mind was seemingly unable to separate loving and wanting a man. With the horrors that were done to him as a child he wondered if he'd ever be able to. Especially when the man in question, though definitely a full grown adult, was ten years his junior.
He hated himself for it.
He hated Carl Burford for poisoning that part of him.
Derek was trying so hard not too let Spencer see what was going on in his mind that he hadn't realized he was pushing the other away until it all came to a head. They were on a case in rural- fucking- nowhere Indiana and bodies were dropping like flies, when Spencer confronted him.
Derek was actually proud of him for asserting his needs for once, even if he was getting reamed out in the process. Spencer didn't stand up for himself enough and he was selfishly glad that the other felt comfortable enough with him to speak his mind.
"- and I just don't get why all of a sudden it's like you're not even here, Derek."
"Pretty boy," Derek gestured at their bullet proof vests, "Is now really the time to talk about this?"
"We are about to possibly die, so yes, I think now is the time. I think I deserve to know why you're pushing me away." His nose does the wrinkle thing it always does when he gets self-conscious, and his voice drops to little more than a whisper, "What did I do wrong?"
"Spen-"
The comms in their ears crackle and then Hotch's voice pushes through, "Unsub spotted near the pier. He's got someone with him, we think he's going for a boat. "
The two of them instantly spring into action, grabbing their guns from their holsters. Derek feels a guilty sense of gratitude at having to end the conversation when he can see how frustrated and hurt his best friend is.
"We'll finish this conversation later, Spence." Derek promises him, hopes the sincerity of his words is shining through his eyes.
Then it's down to business.
From where they were standing the peir was barely visible, but no more than two quickly taken meters and Derek can see what Hotch was talking about. The unsub does indeed have a hostage. A small child all but dangling from his arm, gun pressed to the back of her head.
Rage swells in Derek but he forces himself to remain calm, to trust in his and Spencer's abilities to figure this out and get the little girl back home safe. It's always harder when kids are involved though, rational thought becomes more difficult to hold on to as the primal instinct to protect something so small and precious takes over.
Derek may have been subconsciously pushing Spencer away in some perverse version of self-preservation, but out in the field they move in finely tuned synchronicity born from years of practice. Derek trusts Spencer with his life and he knows that the feeling is mutual.
"Alfred," Derek calls out once they are close enough. It says something about the man's focus that he hadn't noticed their steps on the dock when the wood was so old it had basically screaming their arrival. "Let the girl go and we can talk about this."
The unsub whips around to face them, yanking the girl off her feet in the process and Derek gets ready to grab her the minute she drops but the monster just grabs her up tighter, gun pressed to her cheek now.
The poor kid is visibly terrified (there's a wet spot on her pants that makes Derek want to cry) but there's not much they can do about that right now.
"Let her go? She wants to be with me! She's mine." Alfred let's loose a disturbingly maniacal laugh and then suddenly notices that Spencer had been creeping closer while Derek spoke, "No! You can't have her!"
The rest happens in slow motion. Spencer slowly raising his hands above his head, the bang of the gun, Derek releasing his own shot, the unsub collapsing, the young girl shrieking, Spencer getting hit and falling into the lake.
"No!" Derek rips off his own vest and shouts at the girl to run up the hill where he knows the other agents will be coming over any second now, Derek and spencer had been the closest but the others hadnt been far behind. He doesn't wait to see if she follows directions before diving into the frigid water.
With all the adrenaline coursing through him, Derek barely feels the sting of the cold but it still makes him feel like he's suffocating just moments after plunging underneath the water with how the iciness constricts his lungs. He can't even imagine Spencer's state. Derek thinks he'd seen the bullet collide with the vest but he'd been so focused on the child he can't be sure. All he knows is that he needs to get Spencer out of his water as fast as possible.
It takes long agonizing moments waving through the dark waters before, finally, his hands brush up against fabric and he latches on, yanking as hard as he can until he has basically thrown Spencer back on to the dilapidated peir. JJ and Rossi are there already and the former immediately begins CPR. Rossi helps drag Derek out of the water so that he can crawl up next to Spencer's prone form.
"He got shot." Now that the immediate threat of the unsub is gone Derek can hear the absolute panic in his own voice. "I don't- he got shot. Come on, Spencer, wake up!"
As if he'd been heard Spencer jerks and then he's coughing up water, struggling to pull in breaths. JJ and Derek make quick work of the man's vest to try and relieve some pressure but it's to no avail, Spencer is still struggling to breathe and Derek wonders if maybe he'd been hit in the ribs, punctured a lung.
He can hear the others screaming for a medic when suddenly, he remembers a secret told to him in the wee hours of the morning.
"So, wait, you never got surgery?" Derek gestures to his chest.
"No," Spencer's voice is small, "it's not that I don't want it, I was just always too poor and then when i had the money, too scared. I can hide it just fine so it never really seemed like the end of the world but I'd still rather be without- without them. But surgery terrifies me and... and the thought of waking up after without anyone there...I don't know, it just seems unbearably sad."
Derek wants to touch him but he's not sure if it would be allowed in this moment and he doesn't want to scare Spencer into silence, so instead he says, "It's your body and you can do with it whatever you'd like, but if you did decide to get the surgery I'd be honored to be the one you wake up to."
Spencer's eyes had gone big and round, then and Derek had all but melted on the spot.
Spencer hadn't brought it up again and he definitely hadn't had the surgery yet so that meant he was still in his binder. The binder that he had definitely been wearing for more than eight hours at this point. Add in getting shot and plunging into freezing water and it was no wonder he still couldn't breathe.
"Rossi I need your knife." Derek started undoing the layers of Spencer's clothing and to his credit, the older agent didn't hesitate, just handed over the knife without question, "I need your jacket too and then you need to turn around."
Derek could see the flesh tone colored binder now, and as he poised the knife to cut through he prayed to God that Spencer would forgive him for this.
"Alright, Pretty Boy," The material was thick and difficult to saw through, "You're not allowed to fucking die before I've even worked up the balls to ask you on a goddamn date."
The last word is punctuated with Spencer greedily gulping down a lung full of air and Derek thinks he's never heard anything so beautiful in his life. Rossi passes him a jacket and then pats him on the back. Derek thinks he says something but what it was he had no idea. All of his attention was on Spencer right now.
"You want to take me on a date?" Are the first words Spencer speaks and even though his voice sounds like gravel Derek bears each word clear as day.
"Oh my god." Derek gives a wet laugh and wraps the shivering man in Rossi's donated jacket. "You almost died and those are your first words?"
Distantly he hears Rossi yelling to the paramedics that they are needed here but his attention is still solely focused on Spencer. His Spencer. Who almost died.
Derek almost lost him without Spencer ever knowing he loved him.
With a hand on his best friend's pale face, Derek looks him in the eye and says, "I love you, Spencer Reid."
"I love you." The softness in his voice makes Derek's heart burst. "When you get the balls to ask me on a date, my answer is yes."
Derek laughs again and then the paramedics are there. They look Spencer over, and when Derek whispers in the ear of one of the women about Spencer's situation she makes sure to block him from view of the rest of the agents while she checks his breathing. After, they want to check him too and he'd been so worried about his genius that Derek had forgotten he'd also had an impromptu bath in the lake in the dead of winter.
They go together into the ambulance and Derek never once let's go of Spencer's hand.