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Chapter Text

“Shall we start the meeting, Alec?” Jace asked from his seat by Alec’s side. Alec barely heard his Parabatai, eyes fixated on the unoccupied chair across the table from him.

Magnus’s seat.

“Umm…Alec?” Jace tried again with a hand on Alec’s arm, and Alec finally managed to shake himself out of his reverie.

“Yeah,” Alec cleared his throat awkwardly, tearing his gaze away from the vacant spot. As he raised his head, Alec saw the leaders of the downworld staring curiously at him. Their concern was a mark of the regard they held for the shadowhunter and It would have been touching, had Alec’s mind not been elsewhere.

 “Sorry, today has been a rather long day,” Alec said, voice slightly sheepish. “Shouldn’t we wait for the warlock’s representative before we get started, though?”

Jace snorted from Alec’s left, and Alec stepped on his foot in retaliation.

Alec always made it a point to not speak Magnus’s name out loud, because Alec was physically incapable of uttering Magnus’s name without an undertone of yearning. The fear of giving away his innermost feelings, his underlying hopes that he repressed so assiduously, made Alec refer Magnus as “High Warlock Bane” for the most part.

“I haven’t heard from Magnus in about a week, actually,” Luke said. “That was when I collected the pain potion for my pack for this month. Raphael?”

“He’s been under the weather of late,” Raphael intoned. “Fall never quite agrees with him. I’m sure we can proceed for now, and later one of us could go and check in.”

Magnus was never, ever late to a Downworld Cabinet meeting. He always arrived exactly fifteen minutes before time, without fail, a habit Alec respected and appreciated very much.

What Alec didn’t appreciate, though, was his reaction to Magnus Bane’s wardrobe for the Downworld Meetings. Every single item seemed to be designed specifically to taunt and torment Alec. 

Magnus showed up to the Cabinet meetings in outfits that Alec could only describe as being highly pornographic. The first meeting, Magnus wore a sheer white shirt that left nothing to the imagination. That, coupled with tight black leather pants and combat boots, had practically guaranteed that Alec Lightwood would have a hard (no pun intended) time keeping track of the agenda. 

Next time, Magnus had walked in wearing a navy blue three-piece suit, and Alec had found it even more obscene than the previous outfit, because he could imagine precisely what was beneath the layers of crisp, impeccably tailored fabric that covered the man like a second skin.

However, even more sultry than Magnus Bane’s attire was Magnus Bane’s mind, Alec observed with great annoyance. Magnus effortlessly picked on loopholes, raised his eyebrow at crafty exclusions, and had an encyclopedic knowledge of the Shadow World’s affairs. It was hotter than it needed to be, Alec thought privately.

To add to the injustice of it all, Magnus Bane was also a terrible, terrible flirt, and never gave up on a chance to tease Alec with his endless innuendos or highly, highly suggestive remarks that would cause Alec to pointedly clear his throat and look away, trying his darndest to not make it too obvious how Magnus’s words had managed to affect him. 

“Are you free for lunch, Alexander?” Magnus would bluntly ask after each meeting, his gorgeous eyes huge and pleading, with just a hint of danger in them that did things to Alec.

“I’m…I’m busy,” Alec would gruff out stiffly in return, trying to focus his gaze elsewhere.

“Ah! Dinner, then?” Magnus would always, always try again. “Surely even Nephilim need some kind of sustenance? I promise to not introduce you to too much flavor, should that cause you to rebel against the Clave for their crime against good taste.”

“I can’t , Magnus,” Alec would repeat with an edge of frustration. Not at Magnus, never at Magnus. At himself, for denying himself this man. 

“I’m sorry,” Alec would add contritely, gritting his teeth.

And to his great annoyance, Magnus would gracefully smile and accept Alec’s answer. Every single time. 

Alec often wondered why Magnus kept trying, kept asking him, again and again. What did Magnus see in him, in Alec Lightwood , of all people? 

Was it perhaps the thrill of the chase that Magnus sought, Alec would wonder, as he wistfully watched Magnus walk away each time. Magnus Bane was a man who liked a challenge. Was that all Alec was to him? A conquest? A prospective notch on the bedpost?

And what if Alec did give in to Magnus? Would Magnus casually discard him later, once he had his fix? Would Magnus then move on to pursue someone else? A new challenge? The very idea left a bitter taste in Alec’s mouth.

This, Alec thought. This is why he had to say no. 

He knew what Magnus could do to him. How Magnus could ruin him thoroughly and completely, leaving Alec broken in the end.

So against his better wishes, Alec kept saying no. Sixteen times till date, Alec had said no.

Alec wondered how long it would take for Magnus to stop asking, for Magnus to eventually give up. 

Would Alec feel relief, to not have to keep declining the man every single time? Or would Alec be broken irreparably, left to regret missed opportunities?

The latter , Alec knew deep down. Of course, the latter.

“Pardon my tardiness, gentlemen. This was a last minute thing for me,” a woman’s cool, crisp voice interrupted Alec as he was about to start the proceedings.

Alec looked up, and he had to do a double take at the sight. A woman, dressed in scrubs like a mundane nurse, was striding quickly through the meeting room, a large Starbucks cup in hand. Alec recognized the woman as Catarina Loss-  warlock, healer, and a dear friend of Magnus’s. 

“Miss Loss,” Alec said, forcing a smile on his perplexed face. “This is a pleasant surprise!”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure of that, Mr. Lightwood,” she said, warmly nodding at the other Downworld leaders, who smiled and waved at her in return. “I hope I wasn’t too late?”

“We have barely just started,” Luke assured her. “Magnus away for work, then?”

“Or hungover,” Meliorn snorted, causing Raphael to hiss in indignation.

Alec intently stared at the table before him, trying to disguise how desperate he was to know what was going on with Magnus.

“Warlock flu,” Cat said, taking a seat before her. “It gets to the best of us, I’m afraid. He asked me to fill in for him, and sent his regards to all of you.”

“We hope he makes a speedy recovery then,” Meliorn replied, sounding much more contrite. Alec wondered whether that was because of the apparent seriousness of the flu, or because of the death glare that Raphael was sending Meliorn’s way for insulting Magnus. 

 “I’ll be sure to pass on your… regards , Meliorn,”Cat nodded sharply, and Alec could see why this woman was chosen as Magnus’s replacement. She could be scary when she wanted to be, even though she was worried for her friend. “Now, shall we start? I have to be back at the hospital before three, I’m afraid.”

Alec nodded, and then read out the agenda for the meeting. It mostly included the introduction of joint patrols for finding vampire drug dens, and analyzing the current trends in demonic activity.

Forty-five minutes passed in a haze of intense discussion and note-taking. Alec’s mind was not fully into the proceedings, and there was a pit of anxiety in the bottom of his stomach, but he had a job to do, they all did. So he powered on till the last item was discussed.

“I think that wraps up the items for today,” Alec said, in conclusion, suddenly wanting to leave the room. “Shall we meet at the same time on the fourteenth?”

There was a murmur of assent, and then one by one, everyone filed out of the room. Meliorn, followed by Luke, who slapped Alec good-naturedly on the back before he left. Catarina and Raphael brought up the rear. The woman’s arm wound around Raphael’s shoulders as they bantered on the way out. Pushing his chair back in place, Jace gathered up his own notes and left a few minutes later, too.

Alec stayed behind, his gaze still fixed on the chair opposite to his. Much as he hated to admit it, he missed Magnus’s presence today. And something in his gut told him something was wrong, terribly so.

Chapter Text

Ten days later, the Institute was due for a monthly wards check-in and repair. 

Unlike other times, Magnus hadn't sent in a flirty fire message to Alec the evening prior, something that had unsettled him very deeply.

Alec loved whenever Magnus showed up for wards repair. To be fair, Alec loved anytime Magnus showed up to the Institute, but watching Magnus work his magic was an experience in and of itself.

Magnus, always so relaxed and easygoing, had a razor-sharp focus when he worked. He almost entered into a state of trance, as his eyes examined the state of the protective sigils he had threaded strategically into the Institute walls. Alec could never quite look away as Magnus’s hands surgically and methodically manipulated the energy field to obey him. It was as if Magnus had entire conversations with magic, commanding it, making it bend to his will.

There are other things Magnus could bend to his will too, if you let him.

Alec had to try very hard to shut down the snide, teasing  voice in his head. He had no time to go down that particular rabbit hole, not now, at least.

As Head of the Institute, Alec was not strictly needed to accompany the High Warlock, but the last time Magnus had been here, the escort Alec had sent in his stead had flirted shamelessly with Magnus. And Alec had felt a burning sensation in his chest at the sight. 

Needless to say, Jeremy Pennyworth was on patrol all day today, all the way on the other side of the city.

That morning, after a long shower, Alec had decided to wear a patterned, navy blue shirt. And if said shirt happened to be the same one that Magnus had complimented last time, saying that it contrasted wonderfully with Alec’s hazel eyes, well, that was Alec’s business and Alec’s business alone.

Did Alec put on some cologne? Yes. 

Did he also put some product in his hair, running his fingers repeatedly through it so it looked artfully ruffled? Also yes.

Alec was well within his rights to want to look more put-together than normal. There was no rhyme and reason behind it, he could dress as he damn well liked.

Was he, perhaps, also hoping to muster up the courage to ask Magnus out when he showed up? Perhaps. 

Maybe. 

Alec. had practiced before the mirror a bit, and hated every single second of it, though. How the hell did Magnus do it sixteen whole times? And after rejection, no less. Just the mere thought of asking someone out made Alec want to-

“Are you going on a date or something?” Izzy asked the minute Alec marched into Ops, ready to get started with the day.

“What? No!” Alec said, taking a sip of his coffee, avoiding his sister’s gaze. “Of course not.”

“Then why are you dressed up like that ?” Izzy gestured a hand in Alec’s direction. 

“Like what?” Alec scoffed, deliberately pulling up mission reports on his tablet so he didn’t have to keep looking at his sister. Izzy was too nosy for her own good, sometimes.

All the time.

“I don’t know,” Izzy drawled. “Are you expecting someone to drop by later today? A certain… magical someone?”

“I hate you so much,” Alec murmured, causing his sister to snigger slightly. “And mind your own business, Isabelle. Aren’t you supposed to be going out for patrol soon?”

“Yup, just now, actually,” Izzy answered brightly. “We are meeting with Luke’s pack first, though.”

Alec nodded. He trusted his sister with liasoning. 

“Unbutton your shirt a bit,” Izzy suggested seriously in a low voice. “Show off that chest. Magnus would be drooling all over you, trust me.”

“Shut up, Izzy,” Alec grumbled, red in the face. “Be safe, okay?”

“I will, I promise,” Izzy winked and walked away, joining the rest of her team in the hallway.

Alec turned away to face the monitors, and if he let loose the top two buttons of his shirt? Well, that was just because the air conditioning was …faulty. 

Magnus was expected to show up around noon, and Alec had definitely not cleared up all his meetings between 12:00 and 1:00. Nope.

That is to say, of course, he had. And he wasn’t even a little bit sorry.

He heard a knock on the door at precisely twelve, and Alec checked his reflection in the front camera quickly before calling out, “Come on in!”

He tried to not let his disappointment show too much when someone, a non-Magnus someone , walked in through the door. 

Alec sighed. He should have started getting suspicious when the door knocked at exactly twelve, instead of fifteen minutes before.

“Mr. Lightwood?” the stocky warlock in a ponytail asked, and Alec rose up from his seat to welcome him.

“That would be me…” Alec trailed off, waiting for an introduction.

“Lorenzo Rey,” he said cheerfully. “I will be filling in for ward maintenance today, per High Warlock Bane’s personal request.”

Lorenzo produced a note personally written by Magnus, who had apologized profusely for his absence. Alec tried very hard to keep his expression neutral as his eyes took in Magnus’s calligraphy, which was shaking a bit in places, perhaps due to struggle with holding a pen. 

“How-,” Alec’s voice was hoarse as panic wound itself like a snake around his chest. “How is he doing?”

Lorenzo, for his part, did not mock him at all. “Warlock Flu takes terribly long to heal,” he said, “But it hasn’t been fatal in a very long time. The older warlocks generally do not have a natural immunity to some of its newer variants, and unfortunately for him, Magnus is very, very old.”

“How did he even catch it in the first place?” Alec asked. 

“It’s hard to say,” Lorenzo explained. “Unlike mundane viruses, these strains aren’t easily traceable. And Magnus has made enemies over time. It is not outside the realm of possibility that someone created the virus specifically to take him out. None of the other warlocks have been affected, even those older than him. The Spiral Labyrinth has been researching a cure for weeks. If someone can do this to one of ours, then all of us are at risk.”

Alec tried to tamp down his wildly racing thoughts, but he was not very successful.

Someone tried to hurt Magnus. Someone tried to kill Magnus. Magnus might die-

Get a grip, Lightwood.

“If there is anything we can do, anything at all” Alec offered, deliberately trying to keep his voice steady. “My people are at your disposal. Providing security, or assisting with research and investigation. Whatever you need, we will gladly help. At any point of the day, no questions asked.”

Lorenzo smiled at him. “My boyfriend has not been singing empty praises of you, it seems.” Alec flushed slightly at the statement.

“Rest assured, Mister Lightwood, we are all doing our very best to ensure Magnus is back to full health. Things have been considerably normal in his absence, and we are all rather bored without his very unique brand of chaos.”

Alec nodded diplomatically, while not at all agreeing with Lorenzo. Bored? Alec was not bored. Alec was currently trying his best to not lose his damn mind here.

“Can I visit him?” Alec asked tentatively. “Or would that be an imposition at this time?”

Lorenzo gave him a knowing smile, and Alec continued to try and keep an impassive facade. 

“Give him time to recover,” he insisted. “He is in a particularly vulnerable position right now, and would hate to be seen by his… allies in this condition. He needs rest, most of all. And it would be best if he could refrain from either volunteering to help or telling us how to do our damn jobs through ten thousand fire messages a day, but I suppose that would be asking for too much. Control freak, that one.”

Alec smiled at the image of a cranky Magnus, forced to rest against his will, sending endless suggestions to the Spiral Labyrinth. Concern and yearning warred in him again, and he wanted to drop everything and go to Magnus. But if Magnus wasn't up for guests-

“About those wards, Mr. Lightwood…”

"Of course, Mr. Rey. Allow me to show you around" Alec nodded, and led Lorenzo out of his office.

Chapter Text

Alec was definitely not worried. Not in the least. He was definitely not panicking, he said to himself as he stood outside Magnus’s apartment building.

It was two in the morning.

What was Alexander Gideon Lightwood doing outside the High Warlock of Brooklyn's apartment at two in the morning, one might ask?

Well...

Once Lorenzo had left after assuring Alec that Magnus's wards were in top condition and did not need any updates, Alec had asked Izzy to take over for the day, making up an excuse that his sister definitely did not buy. After walking out of Ops, Alec had headed straight over to the basement, where the Clave archives resided. Only Heads of Institutes had access to that data. 

Alec hated the archives with a passion. For one, the basement was perpetually crawling with spiders and Alec would rather sell his soul to a demon than encounter a spider the even as small as the size of his fingernail. On top of the location being unfortunate, the archives were mainly comprised of documents containing Clave propaganda, which was so painfully inaccurate, and so blatantly racist that Alec could cry in frustration. 

So no, the archives were never an option for Alec in the past. But if he needed answers, then there really was no other option than to put on his big boy pants and march down.  At least nobody would hear his shrill cries of horror down there, Alec thought wryly as he punched his access code, and with a click, the door unlocked. 

The archive room at the Institute was like any other room at the Institute - cold, sterile, and so very grey. It contained paperwork for every single person who worked at the Institute, along with research material that those in charge at Idris deemed necessary. Unfortunately, there was a wide gap between what the Clave deemed necessary and what Alec considered useful.

Inside, there was a comically large, completely outdated computer system that created more noise than a horde of a hundred Shax Demons. Alec remembered having a migraine for days after running the cursed thing for all of five minutes. So while digital information was not very accessible (unless one wanted to end up hospitalised), the physical copies of the same information were also stored in the room, stacked in shelves upon shelves, stretching endlessly for miles. Hundreds of years of documentation sitting in the underbelly of the largest Institute in the world. 

Alec headed straight in the back towards the “Warlock” section. 

There were several highly problematic, extremely horrifying titles that Alec knew would one day need to be addressed in therapy - right from “Warlock Mark Removal: Best Practices”, all the way to “Warlock Tracking and Torture:  A Brief History”.  

The fuck was wrong with these assholes? Alec wondered with disgust, as he finally landed on a section containing resources on Warlock Sicknesses. He filtered out all Nephilim authors first, because they would mostly rant about the greatness of the Clave and the evilness of the Downworld. Alec already knew their asinine diatribe by heart, thank you very much.

Finally, after two hours of browsing, Alec reached a twentieth century journal publication by Aurelia Vex, a known warlock healer who worked as an Elder at the Labyrinth. Magnus was the co-author of that paper, Alec noted.

Was there anything that the man hadn’t done? 

In the article, Vex and Bane detailed out the stages of Warlock Flu, whose scientific name was Dryditch Fever. They laid out everything, right from the contagion, to the incubation, to the point where the symptoms started to reveal themselves. The fever caused weakness, hot flashes, chills, and dizziness in the infected person. The victim was usually bedridden until eventual death. 

With a grip of panic, Alec remembered how Magnus had looked unsteady on his feet last month when they had a cabinet meeting. When asked, Magnus had chalked it up to exhaustion from his visit with a client, but what if he had returned with the flu then? 

The more Alec read, the closer he got to a full blown panic. Dryditch Fever, unlike the mundane version, did not progress quickly. It could take weeks after contracting the flu and the first appearance of symptoms. Almost like a roller coaster ride- a gradual ascent until it reached its peak, and then an accelerated hurtle crashing downwards. The most recent victim had succumbed to the flu back in 1896. 

The cure was also not clearly defined. Since warlocks could vary so much in their biologies based on their energy signature and their parentage, there was no way to create a standard remedy, because it hit different warlocks in different ways. There were ways to minimize pain, but no way to eradicate it completely; the pain potions only managed to buy time until a specific antidote could be created for the infected. The peak was when the virus reached a warlock’s magical core, and after that it was mostly game over, because the infected warlock very quickly reached a point of no return in that situation. 

As he finished reading, and shoved his head between his hands to regain some semblance of control, Alec saw that his hands were shaking, and he found himself unable to breathe until he had seen Magnus for himself. 

***

He activated an immunity rune, and then took a cab straight to Magnus’s. He would have run on any ordinary day, but it was not advisable to use a speed rune when not in complete control of one’s mental faculties. And Alec was very much not in control, because image upon image of Magnus’s lifeless form kept appearing before his eyes.

He needed to see Magnus for himself. Right the fuck now.

The elevator opened up to Magnus’s floor with a loud ding , and Alec’s steps froze when they arrived at the penthouse. The hallway was probably not the best place to have a meltdown, but there Alec was, having one. 

Because what was he even supposed to say to Magnus, a man whose attempts at courtship Alec had denied the last sixteen times? 

“Hey, I know I keep turning you down in increasingly rude ways, but I hope you don’t die?”

Yes, Alec had counted the number of times Magnus had asked him out. Alec could also tell you exactly what Magnus was wearing each time too, right down to the color of Magnus’s nails and the fabric of Magnus’s pocket square. Or, in one memorable incident, Magnus’s tie. Alec had remembered wanting to grab Magnus by his exquisite tie, and pull the man to him until there was no space left between them. Alec had wanted to open every button on Magnus’s crazy expensive shirt with his teeth, he had-

“Are you going to knock at some point?” a scratchy yet somehow melodious voice rasped out from the inside.

Magnus. How did he figure out Alec was here?

“My wards tell me things, Alexander” Magnus clarified from the other side of the door. “They alerted me as soon as you arrived.”

Now he could read minds too?

“No mind reading, I assure you, just a simple matter of deduction,” Magnus spoke out, before a coughing fit took over him. Almost as on instinct, Alec rushed inside, the large, elaborately designed oakwood doors swinging open for him unprompted.

Alec had never been to Magnus’s apartment, but he had imagined what it would look like. He had assumed Magnus’s place would be an extension of his fashion choices - bold and borderline bizarre.

Alec was expecting neon chandeliers and obscene paintings lined on the walls, and furniture that was both ugly and impractical.

This place was nothing like what Alec would have expected. Magnus’s loft was warm and homey, red exposed brick walls outfitted with shelves that ran from floor to ceiling, and overflowed with leather-bound books. There was a fireplace in the corner, with photographs and memorabilia lining the mantelpiece. Large windows overlooked the city that sprawled beneath them, and the moonlight shone through the panes, swarthing the dimly lit apartment in a silver glow.

Magnus’s apartment was indeed like him, Alec surmised. An endless study in contradictions. Alec was beginning to realize that in his eagerness to shut Magnus out of his heart, he had missed out on getting to know him better.

“I am rather fond of the place myself.” 

Alec turned his head towards the source of the voice and found Magnus, who was resting up on the sofa, covered in layers of thick blankets. Magnus had lost a considerable amount of weight since the last time Alec had met him. His hair was a mess and he was wearing a gray, cable-knit sweater that Alec figured would have once been very fashionable. Overall, Magnus looked gaunt and tired, a pale imitation to the vibrant personality that Alec had become used to.

In Magnus’s lap was a pen and a legal pad, where Alec saw he had been scratched items out of a list after perusing something from a diary that was open on the coffee table next to him. There were fire messages upon fire messages scattered on the floor right next to the sofa on which Magnus was set up, along with a plate of half-finished sandwiches.

“Magnus,” Alec breathed out as their eyes met.

“Alexander Lightwood in my humble apartment?” Magnus crooned in his tired voice. “Is this a hallucination? Or just a beautiful dream, I wonder.”

Did this man ever stop flirting, Alec wondered with a flush. Even sick beyond belief, Magnus looked quite dashing. Well, Alec corrected himself, Magnus always looked very dashing and very handsome, no matter what he wore. 

But Alec would have liked the get-up even more if Magnus was not currently coughing his lungs out into a handkerchief at that very moment. 

Alec hurried into the kitchen, and grabbed a glass of water which he quickly brought over to Magnus’s side. 

Alec did not know a ton about healing, but he did remember his mother gently rubbing his back when he used to fall sick as a child. 

“There, there” Alec said softly, running gentle circles along the back of Magnus’s sweater. “Take it easy, it’s alright.”

It was another few minutes before the coughing evened out into deep, heaving breaths, and Alec kept trying to soothe him through it. Magnus’s eyes were tearing up at the edges from the strain, and Alec couldn’t resist wiping them with a corner of his sleeve.

He tried not to panic at the sight of blood on the cloth that Magnus just coughed into.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Magnus gruffed out, once again reading his thoughts with eerie precision. “A common side effect of the pain potion. It’ll settle down in a bit.”

Alec was no doctor himself but even he could tell that coughing up blood was a sign that things were very much not fine . 

But for now, he kept his thoughts to himself. Magnus was in no condition to talk, and his breathing had already evened out significantly.

“How do you feel?” Alec asked tentatively, controlling the itch to reach out and smooth out the wrinkles on Magnus’s forehead, to gently move the sweat covered hair out of his eyes.

“Oh, I’m fine. This…” Magnus casually waved a careless hand over himself, “is more annoying than anything, really.”

Alec looked unimpressed. 

“What?” Magnus asked, leaning back on the arm of the sofa. He closed his eyes and pulled the blanket up to his chest.

“You’re a damn liar, is what,” Alec muttered with a roll of his eyes, stretching the blanket over Magnus’s sock covered feet. “How bad is it? For real.”

“Why?” Magnus inquired lightly, taking deep breaths as his head spun. In a few seconds, the pain potion would start to take effect and he could better focus on the Angel that had arrived in his home. Oh, how he had missed looking at Alexander all these weeks. 

“What do you mean?” Alec frowned at him.

“Why,” Magnus began. “Why do you care? Why are you even here, Alexander? Lorenzo told me everything went fine with the wards earlier today? So then what brings you here, at my loft, at this hour of the morning? Not that I’m complaining, mind you.”

Magnus’s voice had none of its gentle teasing, none of the carefully applied inflections that Alec had grown so accustomed to. Where the rest of the world simply spoke the words, Magnus Bane sang them, infusing them with intent and purpose. He took joy in enunciating them. Magnus’s eyes, ever expressive, sometimes said more than his words did.

His illness had stripped away all layers of self-defense that Magnus generally put upon, all of the frills and flourishes that Magnus presented to the world. And Alec was forced to reckon that underneath all the acclaim and magic and glamor, Magnus Bane was just a man. 

A very powerful man, but just a man, nevertheless.

“I…” Alec took a breath. “I was worried about you. I wanted to see how you were doing. I-”

For all that Alec had rehearsed his speech to ask Magnus out all week, no words managed to come out of his mouth. 

“Like I said, I will likely make a full recovery in a few weeks,” Magnus said comfortingly, taking pity on Alec. “Everyone is freaking out for no reason. It’s probably all fine. We, as a people, need to chill out more often.”

“ Likely ,” Alec scoffed, his pitch a little higher than usual, a stray tear falling down his eye as he took in Magnus’s bedraggled condition. “ Probably ? Those words are not good enough. They  are not nearly good enough, Magnus!”

“ Likely is all I have to hold on to,” Magnus said firmly, voice shaking for the first time that night. “ Probably is what is keeping me sane as my body melts away. Don’t take that away from me, Alexander.”

Chapter Text

For the first time that night, Magnus had shown signs of frustration, Alec noted.

Magnus, who never raised his voice, even in the heat of a verbal battle with Meliorn during the Cabinet meetings. Magnus, who always kept such a tight lid on his emotions that Alec often wondered if the man had any at all. The same Magnus was now looking agitatedly at him, and Alec understood him just a little bit better. Magnus’s mask saved him from his greatest enemy- Magnus himself.

“You’re right,” Alec said finally, slumping down in the chair opposite Magnus's. 

“What was that?” Magnus peered sideways at him. His demeanor slowly began to take on an animated tone again.

The sight of Magnus smiling tiredly at him, huddled up in blankets, should not have captivated Alec as much as it did. But Alec was beginning to learn that there was very little about Magnus that did not captivate him. The more he learned about Magnus, the more curious Alec became, and the deeper he fell for this impossible man. 

Magnus could enthrall Alec in his professional suits or his risque outfits, and even in his dated, ancient, ill-fitting grandpa sweaters, apparently. It was his soul Alec had fallen for, the fancy attire was simply a bonus.

Alec remembered every single one of Magnus’s outfits, but this Magnus? This floppy-haired, ratty sweater-wearing guy? This Magnus was, well…pretty pathetic actually, but also, maybe cute?

“My eyes are up here,” Magnus quipped, and Alec scowled at him.

Yes, Magnus was cute, and he was also a bit of a dick, Alec thought. Because Magnus would always be a little bit of a dick.

“I said you are right,” Alec repeated back, only a tiny bit annoyed. “It is not wrong to hold on to hope. It’s very brave, actually.”

“Never thought I’d see the day,” Magnus said, eyes closed as he laughed softly. “Never thought I’d see Alexander Gideon Lightwood agree with me one day. Did I make an accidental last wish or something? If I see a light, should I walk towards it?”

“That’s not funny,” Alec scowled at him, not impressed with that horrible joke in the least. “ You’re not funny, Magnus.”

“I am a little bit funny,” Magnus insisted cheekily. “That joke almost made me want to laugh. Almost.”

“Your sense of humor needs fixing, then,” Alec insisted firmly, before rolling his eyes and adding with a sigh. “Along with your lungs and the rest of you, apparently.”

“Touche,” Magnus looked at Alec, impressed and Alec tried not to blush like a victorian maiden. “I like men who are comfortable with dark humor. Those men liking me back would be a nice bonus too, but…can’t have everything, I suppose.”

“Wait,” Alec frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Magnus looked away. “Nothing at all.”

Alec stared at Magnus, who was trying to school his expression into one of indifference. 

“You think I’m not interested,” Alec asked incredulously. “...in you? Seriously, Magnus?”

Magnus didn’t respond.

“Magnus, I-”

“You don’t have to expl-”

Alec cut him off before Magnus could downplay it even further. The insecurity did not belong in Magnus’s eyes, especially over Alec, of all people. Did Magnus think he was somehow not good enough for Alec? What world were they living in?

A world where you keep turning him down, his mind helpfully reminded him.

“I don’t think it is possible for anyone to not be interested in you, Magnus,” Alec explained to him genuinely. “You are the single most interesting thing in any room you walk into. Also the smartest. And you’ll definitely gloat about it, but- also the most bea…the most…”

Magnus decided to take pity on him.

“The lovely Alexander, singing my praises,” Magnus wondered aloud, eyes crinkled at the edges, and Alec wanted to smooth them out with his thumb. “It really is my last day, huh?”

“Magnus?”

“Yes, Alexander?”

“You’re an ass,” Alec said flatly.

“I am a bit of an ass, yes,” Magnus agreed with a tired smile, taking a heavy breath through his mouth, lips tinted gray with dryness. “Is that why you didn’t wanna go out with me?”

“No,” Alec admitted. “I always wanted to go out with you. Always, Magnus.”

“Then why did you keep saying no?” Magnus asked, without a hint of accusation. Only curiosity, and Alec noted, a bit of empathy. “Sixteen times I asked you, and you said no. I thought you were simply shy, but then I began to wonder if I was perhaps being too…well, me.”

“Sixteen times, yes,” Alec said. “It never got any easier for me.”

“Why?” Magnus asked. “Why say no at all, then?”

“Because I’m an ass too,” Alec said with a sad smile. “And a bit lost in my head, when it comes to you.”

“ Sixteen Times, Alexander,” Magnus repeated. “That’s a lot of times.”

“That is a lot of times,” Alec’s voice was mournful. “I was beginning to think you would give up one of these days. Fear, would be a better word, really. I was beginning to fear it.”

There was a moment where the two of them simply looked at each other, simply took each other in. Alec had no defenses left against him, so he let Magnus see him for who he was - a lost, conflicted mess of a man.

Magnus, meanwhile, looked at Alec as if he was the loveliest thing in the universe. 

“You needn’t have worried,” Magnus said with a small smile. “ I am rather like a pest when I like someone. I would have asked you a few more times yet, Alexander.”

“Oh?” Alec asked curiously. “How many?”

“What’s that, now?” Magnus fidgeted with his blankets slightly.

“How many more times would you have tried?”

There was a bit of a pause before Magnus finally spoke.

“One or two-” he began to say, before Alec cut him off.

“One or two,” Alec repeated faintly. 

Only one or two.

Alec was that close to losing Magnus?

“Thousand,” Magnus finished.

“Two thousand?!?” Alec repeated incredulously, outraged on Magnus’s behalf. “Two thousand? That’s stupid, Magnus. So stupid. Nobody is worth that.”

“You are,” Magnus said, looking him square in the eye. “You would have been worth it, and more.”

“No,” Alec insisted, fighting the blush that was rising on his cheeks. “Nobody is worth that many chances, least of all me, Magnus.”

“Agree to disagree?” Magnus offered, with the beginnings of a pout on his lips, and well, Alec was only a man. 

“Idiot,” Alec huffed out fondly. “You are an idiot.”

“You keep insulting me like that, Alexander,” Magnus warned. “And I’m gonna fall in love with you. And that’s when I will become truly insufferable.”

“Why do you keep doing that?” Alec asked with a frown. 

“Keep doing what?”

“You’re so…” Alec struggled to put his thoughts into words. “You’re so mean to yourself. I don’t like it.”

“Oh,” Magnus said genuinely. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

Alec wanted to facepalm himself. 

Magnus really was an idiot, wasn’t he? 

A beautiful one, though.

The more Alec spent time in Magnus’s company, the more he realized that the two of them were not as different as they seemed to be at first glance. Alec would not be naive enough to say that he understood Magnus fully, a lifetime could be spent with Magnus and Alec would still be left wanting to learn more. But Alec had begun to see Magnus for who he was, a broken man, trying his best to stay sane in this mad, mad world. Alec could relate to that. 

“You did not hurt my feelings, Magnus,” Alec told him plainly. “But the things you keep saying about yourself are untrue. You are not too much , and you are definitely not insufferable , and whoever told you that can have a word with me.”

Alec had seen a lot of expressions on Magnus’s handsome face. He had cataloged every single one of them neatly in his mind. The cool, calm, unshakeable confidence when facing an adversary. The temperamental ferocity when defending someone dear to him. The cheeky grin when unleashing his flirtation on an unsuspecting Alec. 

What he had never seen before was a Magnus who was flummoxed, staring unblinkingly at Alec’s little speech.

“I could do with some tea,” Alec said as he got up hurriedly, unable to handle the embarrassment that he was feeling,  as well as the adorableness that was pouting at him. “Want me to get something for you from the kitchen? Maybe something to eat?”

“Tea sounds nice,” Magnus agreed with a very cute yawn. God, Alec was in trouble, wasn’t he? So, so much trouble.

“Would you mind turning up the heating a little on your way as well, if that’s not too much trouble?”

“You got it!” Alec said, removing his jacket and turning the heat up all the way to the maximum. Magnus needed the warmth, and Alec could deal with a beat of heat to ensure the warlock was comfortable.

Preparing the tea was easy- Magnus happened to have the same kettle as Alec did at the Institute, which was a relief, considering some of the newer kettles were a nightmare to operate. As the leaves boiled, Alec added in a stick of cinnamon and just a hint of pepper, things that he loved in his own tea. Then, finishing up with a generous amount of honey in both mugs, Alec poured the tea. His eyes fell on a jar of cookies, and Alec figured Magnus could use the energy.

A few minutes later, he returned from the kitchen, tray laden with two mismatched mugs of tea and an assortment of cookies, only to find Magnus fast asleep.

He looked so young, Alec thought as he brushed Magnus’s hair away from his forehead, not missing the adorable twitch that Magnus did with his face when touched. His expression smoothed out and settled into a frown as he dozed off. 

The most powerful warlock in the world looked so lost, even as he slept.

Alec sat back in his chair, and silently sipped his own tea, Magnus’s cup resting on the table between them. As he saw the gentle, steady rise and fall of Magnus’s chest; as he heard the sounds of Magnus’s gentle snores permeating the air; the world, for just a moment, was suspended around them, and Alec felt completely at peace. 

What wouldn’t Alec give up to have the honor, the joy, to watch over this man as he dreamed every night?

“I need you to get well soon,” Alec whispered into the air between them. “There are things I need to say, and I want to say them when you are conscious, at the very least.”

Magnus continued to snore, and Alec felt affection well up in his chest. He so desperately wished he had acknowledged his feelings for Magnus earlier, and not when the man was so close to dying. 

This was the thing about time- it waited around for no one.

Just as Alec was finishing up his tea, and starting to clean up after himself, his eyes fell on the legal pad that had started to fall from the sofa.

Alec had just leaned forward to pick it up and put it on the table next to Magnus’s planner, when he heard Magnus’s gruff voice.

“‘’xander’” Magnus mumbled, reaching a hand out in the air, and Alec’s breath caught in his chest. Alec clasped Magnus’s outstretched hand in both of his, and rubbed his nose against the knuckles.

“I’ll fix this,” Alec whispered fiercely as Magnus continued to sleep. “I’ll fix this Magnus, I promise you.”

“Stir thrice,” Magnus mumbled nonsensically, burrowing deeper into the pillows, looking restless as he did.

“I’ll stir thrice, I promise,” Alec murmured with a gentle kiss to Magnus’s forehead. His first kiss with the man, and, if Alec did find a way out of this mess, this would be the first of many more kisses they would share. Magnus could be fully awake in those future kisses too.

And wasn’t that a heck of an incentive?

Alec looked sideways at the legal pad and the planner Magnus had been working on. Based on a quick skim of the notes, Magnus had been trying to zero down on the source of infection, slowly retracing his path over the past few weeks, trying to create a timeline of events as they happened.

Magnus too seemed to be of the opinion that he had been targeted specifically. And well, this was something Alec could work with. He might not be an expert on medicine or healing, but he could investigate like the best of them. Magnus had already created a timeline, a list of suspects. All Alec needed to do was follow the trail and see where it led him.

All of that meant, of course, that Alec would have to leave Magnus by himself for a little bit. At the same time, Alec wasn’t going to sit around twiddling his thumbs while the man he…the man he loved succumbed to this impossible illness. 

Alec quickly organized the living room, lest Magnus trip over something if he woke up in the night, and then snapped a few pictures of the notes Magnus had taken, and then with a final, wistful look in Magnus’s direction, he walked out of the apartment. 

He would come back with breakfast in a few hours, he decided. For now, Alec had some research to do, some strings to pull, and some rules to break.

Had he stuck around a few minutes longer, Alec would have witnessed a dense, red glow rise up from Magnus’s skin, and transform itself to violet, and eventually to brilliant, sparkling blue, now littered with specks of gold. The blue magic settled back inside Magnus, who slept that night for the first time in a month.

Chapter Text

Walking out of Magnus’s building, Alec’s mind was a grating cacophony of frantic thoughts racing and clashing into one another, causing mini-explosions in their wake. He had so much to do, and so little time to do it all in. He had to somehow help Magnus, but where to even start?

Alec had memorized Magnus’s notes while on the elevator, and there were four names running on his mind in an endless loop. Based on the process of elimination, Magnus had four people yet to cross off the list.

Alec tried to organize the facts.

Two of those people were in different parts of Europe. The first client - Gloria Estevez, was a vampire living in Spain. Magnus had provided Gloria with twelve vials of Dragon’s Rue , a heartache potion for when her last surviving relative eventually succumbed to death. The second visit was to Hans Erme, a warlock who ran accounting for Magnus’s charitable foundation in France. Based on Magnus’s notes, neither of them seemed to have any motive to want him dead at all.

So Alec decided to put these names on a lower priority and focused on the rest.

That left him with only two leads, and both of them thankfully were in New York. Alec punched the first address into his navigation app, trying to remember any shortcuts that might help him get there faster. 

He was about to find the nearest train station when his phone rang. It was his sister. 

“Where are you?” Izzy hissed the minute Alec picked up the phone.

“Out,” was all Alec said as he continued to walk. He had no time to waste on chit-chat. “I’m out on some…some work. Just cover for me, will you? I’ll owe you big time.”

Izzy sighed in frustration on the other end of the call, and Alec could picture his sister rubbing a hand into her temple, as was her habit when she was particularly exasperated with her brothers.

 “How is Magnus?” she asked with a heavy breath.

“I…” Alec floundered. “How did you-”

“Alec,” Izzy said. “It’s three in the morning. You have no active missions assigned. Where else could you possibly be if not at Magnus’s? You think I hadn’t noticed how restless you were after Lorenzo left?”

Alec released a breath. 

“He’s,” Alec began, only to find the unspoken words forming a lump in his throat. “He’s…he’s not good Izzy. I don’t know how much longer he has left, and it’s killing me.”

There was a pause as the both of them took in what Alec had just said.

“What do you need?” Izzy asked, voice firm as steel. “How can I help?”

“What?” Alec was confused. He had expected Izzy to go batshit crazy on him.

“You obviously have a plan,” Izzy stated flatly. “It’s probably a very stupid plan, but it is a plan, which is more than what we have on most days. So, what’s the plan and what do you need?”

Alec took a moment to center himself. Izzy’s businesslike tone had managed to drag his head out of the quagmire he had found himself in. 

Right then. There was no time to rethink things. There was no time for very much at all, except for figuring out what needed to be done and delegating the tasks so it could be done faster .

“Where are you right now?” Alec asked.

“I am in the Ops Center right now. I repeat, what do you need?”

“I am texting you two names. These were the last people Magnus met with around the time he would have gotten infected. Everyone else has been ruled out. I’m visiting Marcus Rex first, so whatever you can send me about him in the next ten minutes would be great.”

“Will do,” Izzy said, and Alec could already hear the sounds of her fingers flying across the keyboard. His sister had probably already anticipated what Alec was going to need help with, and Alec couldn’t be more grateful to have Isabelle in his corner at a time when his anxiety was not at its best. 

“And Alec?” Izzy began. “Take care of yourself. If someone could take down a powerful warlock like Magnus, then they are very, very dangerous. Do you want me to send Jace as backup?”

Alec knew there was risk in going in without any kind of backup, but he couldn’t waste time in bringing anyone up to speed. 

“Thanks Iz, but I got this,” Alec said, enforcing steadiness in his tone. “Jace is really not the person I want with me when I go to question someone. But have him on standby anyway?”

“Noted,” Izzy said, and with a click, the line went blank.

Alec knew his sister would have a complete report waiting for him by the time he reached Marcus’s house, and that was pretty much what happened, Alec observed as he quickly scanned the contents of the file she had emailed him.

Marcus Rex had been a vocal opponent of the High Warlock of Brooklyn for the last fifty years, and had, on several occasions, petitioned to have Magnus removed from office. A quick footnote by Izzy told him Marcus had little to no support from anyone in the Downworld, because of his ties with the mundane drug gangs. 

Alec knocked on the door, and was met with a scantily clad woman, who scanned him from top to toe, and Alec was suddenly very uncomfortable .

“Wanna come in ?” The woman said, her voice laced with innuendo. “I don’t usually do Shadowhunters, but…I’ll make an exception for you .”

Alec averted his eyes, trying not to throw up. “I am here to see Marcus Rex, please.”

The woman sighed, stepping aside to let him in. 

“Marcus!” she turned her head and bellowed, her heavy voice a stark contrast to her coy, sultry tone just a few minutes prior. “There’s a guy here to see you!”

“Come on in,” she rolled her eyes when no response came back. “He’s probably sleeping. “Did he try to sell yin-fen to the Nephilim again?”

“Umm..” Alec began. “Again?”

“Nevermind.”

With a dubious frown, Alec walked into the room that the woman had pointed towards, and well…Marcus was indeed sleeping. Face down, on a table of white powder. Cocaine, Alec surmised with a grimace.

“Yeah,” the girl said, coming up behind him. “He gets like that sometimes, but he pays okay, and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, ya kno?”

Alec most certainly did not know. 

But based on what he had seen, Marcus could hardly be the one behind the creation of a strain of virus that took down Magnus Bane, one of the most powerful Downworld Leaders of their time. 

Going by the state of his dilapidated apartment, Marcus was not exactly rolling in cash at the moment. Prostitutes and drugs tended to run finances dry, especially since, based on Izzy’s report, Marcus hadn’t really had an active source of income in the past forty years.

“Sometimes he wakes up when I kick him in the crotch,” the girl offered helpfully from his side. “I could do that? Hang on, let me grab my-”

“That,” Alec interrupted hurriedly before she could get any ideas. “That won’t be necessary, thank you, Ma’am.”

“Name’s Jen,” she said, removing a wallet buried deep in her bosom and producing a business card. “If you ever need my… help , you call me, okay big boy?”

Alec accepted the card so as not to seem impolite, fully hoping to burn it the minute he left this madness. “I’ll be…I’ll be going, then.” 

And with a brief nod, Alec hightailed it out of the apartment in record time.

***

By the time he reached the main street, the sun was on the horizon, and he had another text from Izzy about his next contact.

Clair Lumiere , Izzy’s text said. 

Race: Unclear. But lives as a Mundane? Why?

Age: 34, according to one public record. I don’t trust it.

Moved to New York in 2019 from France. 

Rich, very rich. 

Current Profession : Unknown. Heiress, maybe?

Looking into her finances now, but it’s gonna take me a while. This woman is shady, Alec. Watch your back.

Below Izzy’s text was a picture of a gorgeous, slender woman with dark hair and brilliant blue eyes. Alec wasn’t one to rely on his gut instincts a lot of the time, but Izzy was right- the woman screamed trouble.

Or is it because she looks exactly like Magnus’s type? his mind asked. Alec ignored it.

Luckily for his poor feet, Clair did not live very far from where Alec currently was. Alec didn’t remember catching more than a few hours of sleep the night before, he certainly hadn’t had anything in his stomach since the tea at Magnus’s. So he quickly fired up his nourishment and speed runes and arrived at her townhouse in under five minutes.

***

Clair, as it appeared, seemed to be expecting him.

Alec felt the creepy tingles up his spine the minute he walked into her home, which was completely nonsensical, seeing as it was as normal a place as could be. The house seemed like it was pulled straight out of a home from one of the mundane home decor magazines that Alec would never admit to being addicted to. He just liked looking at pretty interiors, so sue him.

Up close, Clair Lumiere was very pretty, Alec noted, in a grotesque, disturbing, unnatural sort of way. Her hair was twisted in soft ringlets that framed her bespectacled face, and her pink lips were perpetually curled into a pout. There was an eerie calmness around her, a kind of peace in her features that set Alec on edge. Dressed simply in a navy blue pullover and a pair of jeans, Clair was the picture of normalcy, until she started speaking.

“A Warrior of the Angels,” she said, voice thin and steely as they faced each other from opposite chairs in the living room. “In my home, no less! How…fortunate of me. Although why you would be here, I do not understand. I don’t seem to have broken any of your precious Clave laws. Unless, of course, they invented new ones just to entrap innocent citizens like us.”

Innocent was not a word that Alec would ever associate with the woman seated before him. But he also knew better than to get into a battle of wits with her. 

“Magnus Bane,” Alec said without preamble. “You are a client of his. He met you four weeks ago, almost to the date today.”

“Are you asking me or telling me?” she commented as she idly inspected her nails.

Alec pressed on. “How well do you know each other?” 

“You should ask him that.”

“I’m asking you.”

“Does anyone truly know him?” Clair wondered, smiling at Alec. “An enigma, if I ever saw one. Wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Lightwood?”

 “Would I?” Alec kept his expression neutral, only to have Clair laugh in response.

“Although, I wouldn’t be opposed to…getting to know him better , so to speak. He looks like he could show a lady a good time. Hmm…”

Jealousy erupted like a volcano within Alec’s chest at the mere implication, and he had to dig his fingers in his thighs to rein himself in. The very idea , the thought of Magnus being with someone else, it made Alec want to-

“Oh, is that envy I see?” Clair smiled widely, pearly white canines on display. “You want him! Oh, this is certainly very interesting!”

“I asked you a question, Miss Lumiere,” Alec insisted, and Clair completely ignored him. 

“You know,” Clair began wistfully. “The world knows about the magical Magnus Bane. Everyone gushes and gasps about what he can do, the marvels he possesses, the power he holds. But he looks so…alone, doesn’t he? So sad, all the time.”

Alec did not respond, although he agreed. Loneliness was Magnus’s constant companion, and it showed, if one were to look closely enough, and Alec had begun to look closely far too late.

“There’s something… irresistible about Magnus Bane’s particular patented broodiness, Mr. Lightwood” Clair continued. “It calls out for someone- to protect him, to love him, to soothe his soul, to fulfill his every desire. ”

“And would that be you?” Alec asked, trying his best to sound nonchalant. He knew he was this close to a breakthrough, and could not afford to flip a table in her face. “You would be the one to succeed where others failed, Miss Lumiere. You would be the one to save him from his loneliness?”

“You’re not just a pretty face, then,” she acknowledged, approval glistening in her blue eyes. Alec had never seen an uglier sight. “There is something in him that makes me want to do dangerous things to keep him, to own him, to have him all to myself.”

“Makes you wonder, though,” Alec remarked, with a small smile, that did very little to hide his anger. “Why isn’t he with someone, if he is such a catch himself?”

Clair’s animated expression fell at Alec’s question, only to be replaced with one of disappointment.

“He keeps falling for the wrong people,” she sighed. “Always going for people who treat him like the dirt under their shoes. They don’t deserve to have him, they don’t get to keep him.”

“And you do?” Alec prompted. “Deserve to keep him, that is?”

Clair’s smile was brighter than the sun. “I certainly hope so!” she gushed. “We would look so good together, wouldn’t we? And I could give him everything he could ever want. Anything he ever desired, it would be his. If only he would give me the time of the day, Mr. Lightwood. Instead, he is fixated on all the wrong people. It infuriates me!”

“Is that why you poisoned him, then,” Alec asked lightly, hoping the shaking in his hands was not visible. “Created a virus specifically to kill him? If you can’t have him, nobody else can? If he is not yours, then he can be nobody else’s? What is his purpose in life if he doesn’t spend it with you?”

Clair was utterly unperturbed at the accusation.

“Well,” Clair said. “No, and Yes. I do know in my heart that Magnus Bane has to be mine, but I do not wish to kill him, Mr. Lightwood, I adore him too much for that.”

“No?” Alec inquired. “Because the man you… love looks like he is on death’s door as we speak. So I would say your plan to make him yours isn’t particularly working.”

“It isn’t?” Clair asked lightly.

Alec shrugged. “Not much point in wooing a man who will die within days, is there?”

“Oh,” she scoffed. “There is no virus ! The poison is simply to replicate the effects of one. Imagine him thinking he is dying slowly of an illness, and then I, an old acquaintance, swoop in and save him with a kiss. Can you believe how romantic it would be? How grateful he would be for me? Then our love story can truly start .”

“That is-” 

Absolutely fucking deranged, Alec wanted to say. Who did the woman think she was?

“That is certainly a plan,” Alec managed, anger in his veins and bile in his throat. “Save the Sleeping Beauty with a kiss. How…romantic.”

Clair looked please. “I certainly think so.”

“So what’s next in this plan of yours?” Alec asked. “Seems like everything worked out perfectly for you.”

“Well, for the most part, yes. Things have worked out wonderfully for me,” Claire smiled gratefully. “I just have the one…let’s say rival in my way. After I have eliminated him , my path forward is clear, Mr. Lightwood.”

A chill ran up Alec’s spine at her words.

Him, Claire had said specifically. She knew. She had probably known the whole fucking time.

Yeah, Alec walked headfirst into a trap. 

Shit.

“I pay him exorbitantly to repair my wards and make potions for me. Potions and Wards I have no use for,” Clair all but spat at Alec. “He sometimes asks for intel, and I give it to him. Whatever he asks from me, I always give it to him. I have all but stripped naked before him and pays me not a whit of attention, Alec Lightwood. But you, he has fallen head over heels for you, hasn’t he?”

“H…how, do you know?” Alec asked, baffled.

“I have eyes and ears everywhere, Mister Lightwood. Or as Magnus prefers to call you… Alexander .”

Alec couldn’t have controlled that flinch if he tried. He hated hearing “Alexander” from everyone’s lips except Magnus. Magnus was the only one who spoke it with love, with adoration - each syllable falling on Alec’s ears like a gentle caress. 

“And there I was, trying to come up with a way to take you out of my path,” Clair said, casually inspecting Alec. “Imagine my relief when my target walked straight into my home. You have saved me a bit of time here, haven’t you, love?”

Alec jumped to his feet, hands reaching for his seraph blade up, but his head started to spin rapidly, as if he had been drugged. 

How, though? Alec wondered as he wobbled on his feet. He had politely turned down any offers of food and drinks from Clair, so what the hell could be happening to him right at that moment?

“Must be something in the air,” Clair said with mild amusement. “Us Seelies are crafty when we wish to be, Mr. Lightwood.”

Alec stared at her as scales appeared over her skin, and her eyes began to change color from a deep blue to a burning red. 

“Never quite managed to know my status in your precious reports, did you, Mister Lightwood? Don’t be too hard on yourself. The glamor on me is something I paid very handsomely for.”

Alec’s knees gave out and he crashed to the ground. There was an invisible force that had his windpipe in a chokehold, and Alec’s eyes began to roll in the back of his head.

In their last moments, Alec had heard, people thought of their loved ones, of missed opportunities, of what life could have been. As he took his final gasps of breath, all Alec could think of was Magnus. His lovely eyes that burned brighter than the sun. His smile, so kind, so gentle, like a warm caress of sunlight on a cold winter’s morning. 

Alec continued to keep thinking of Magnus as he began to drift away. The memory of last night was a gift that Alec would cherish as he breathed his last. He wished they had more time. He so badly wished they could have had more moments like the one they shared. He did receive a wake up call, but he had been too late, hadn’t he?

“What is it you nephilim like to say again?” Clair asked curiously.  “Ah, yes! Hail and Farewell, Alexander Lightwood.”

Alec’s vision blacked out as he gave in to the darkness.

He missed the sound of Clair’s triumphant laughter echoing in the living room. He missed the blast that happened barely a few minutes later. 

He missed it all, because at that very moment, Alec’s heart stopped beating.

Chapter Text

Magnus woke up as the first rays of sunlight filtered through his windows and hit his face. His head hurt something fierce, as if it was being stampeded by a horde of a thousand elephants.His throat was parched beyond belief, and he had to release a deep, rumbling cough just to get rid of the choking sensation. 

As his eyelids fluttered open, Magnus clocked in a glass of water and a note on the coffee table, along with a couple of energy bars that look like the ones they gave out at the New York Institute.

What?

Waiting for his brain to come back online, Magnus slowly sipped the water, feeling its cooling effect instantly. His shaking fingers reached out for the note, and Magnus had to squint a little to read it properly.

“Out for an investigation. Be back soon.

Please drink some water.

-Alexander <3”

Of course, Magnus thought. Alexander was here to visit him yesterday, wasn’t he? That hadn’t just been a fragment of his imagination.

As Magnus read the note again for some clues, he tried very hard to not focus on the tiny heart that Alexander had signed towards the end. That couldn’t possibly mean anything, could it? It was probably how Alexander signed all of his letters. It could just be a friendly heart conveying “Hope you get better soon, bud!”

His mind began to reveal to him the images from last night. Of them talking animatedly into the late hours. Magnus, enchanted as ever by the man before him, finally got to see Alexander with his walls down. And well, if Magnus had it down bad for the Nephilim, he was at the point of no return now.

If only, he sighed. If only we could have had more time.

Magnus had always tried not to think too deeply about death, for the most part. When you have lived for as long as Magnus had, death was but an old friend walking by your side. He had, over time, made peace with the fact that one day, he would die. 

Of course, that was around the time Magnus met the very gorgeous Alexander Gideon Lightwood. 

Just when Magnus was about to yield to the darkness, just when Magnus was this close to feeling that this life had nothing new left to offer him, to inspire and to bring joy in him, just when his restless soul was sick and tired of the constant cycle of pain and loneliness, that was when Alec Lightwood swept into his life like a cooling breeze of respite in the scorching desert of nothingness that was immortality.

And Magnus was a goner from the very first day. Alec was skittish, a bit like a cat in terms of personality, but Magnus found it endearing more than anything. He had meant it when he said that he was willing to give two thousand chances to Alec. Heck, he would have given two million had Alec asked him to. There was never a choice for him. Call him a fool, because that’s just who he was, chasing after the Shadowhunter like a lost puppy. Magnus Bane’s soul had found its match in Alec Lightwood’s, and he was loath to give up without giving everything he had.

Love, in the end, would have been worth it.

In another world, they might have made it happen. In another version of the world where their lives weren’t quite as bleak, where doom and destruction was not always around the corner, there could have been a happy Magnus and Alec, living life unencumbered, all the time in the world.

Time, though, was the one thing Magnus of this world no longer had. As inevitable as night after day, death was inching closer and closer towards Magnus. 

Perhaps his body had finally accepted its fate. Or perhaps this illness was being kind to him as the curtains fell around his long, illustrious, ultimately lonely life. Whatever might be the reason, Magnus couldn’t deny that as he slowly stirred back to full consciousness, he was feeling much better than he had in days.

His head was clearer, and it was rather wonderful to feel thoughts, ideas flow through it again. His muscles, still sore, feel just a touch relaxed. He was able to breathe better, and it did not feel like his lungs were minutes away from giving up on him.

Magnus didn’t feel great, not by any stretch of the imagination, but he certainly was not screaming inwardly in agony, as had been the case for weeks.

What had even happened last night, he wondered as his memories continued to trickle back in slowly. He remembered taking his pills and potions, he remembered finalizing his last will and testament. He remembered once again trying to solidify the timeline of his exposure. He remembered Alexander dropping by. He remembered them talking with their guard down. He remembered falling asleep to the sound of Alec fumbling around in his kitchen as he 

Magnus was still trying to piece it all together when he heard his phone ring.

He pushed himself up to sit up, waited a few seconds for the dizziness to pass and then pressed “Accept”

“Bane,” he said shortly, trying his best to focus as he heard the harried, panic-stricken voice of Isabelle Lightwood on the other end.

“Magnus,” she panted. “I am so, so sorry to disturb your rest. I know you are very sick but I-”

“Isabelle,” Magnus interrupted her rant. “What’s going on?”

“Alec,” she began, taking a heavy breath. “Alec is in some sort of trouble, Magnus.”

Magnus’s gaze slid to the note resting in his other hand. “When did you last hear from him?”

“Hours ago. He told me he was doing some investigation for…” Izzy hesitated, before powering through. There was no point in keeping details, not if she wanted to bring Alec back. “He said he wanted to trace down the person who might have poisoned you? I haven’t heard from him in hours , ever since he walked into Clair Lumiere’s home. I want to send a team in for an off-the-books mission, but I wanted to ask you if you knew anything about her…”

Of course, Magnus thought, looking at his legal pad. Of course Alexander would have gone without backup into a highly dangerous suspect’s home by himself. Trust him to throw all self-preservation out the door at the first chance he got. 

Clair Lumiere was no joke. Magnus knew that. Heck, the whole of Downworld knew that. She lived on the fringe of the Shadow World, and had been ever since she got kicked out of the Seelie Realm for a dalliance with the Queen that went south. Clair was dangerous. She knew things she had no business knowing, secrets that people had long buried deep inside, things that they themselves had forgotten over time. 

Magnus has had to, on occasion, deal with her. She could be valuable, no doubt, but one needed to tread with caution.  

“You send in your Nephilim and I can assure you not one of them would return,” Magnus got up on his feet. “Alexander should not have been there in the first place.”

“He wanted to help you,” Isabelle said in a defeated tone. “He wanted to help you, Magnus.”

“Well, he shouldn’t have,” was all Magnus said as threw aside the blankets. “Leave it to me, Isabelle. I’ll bring your brother safely home, I promise you.”

“Magnus, no!” Isabelle insisted firmly. “This is not why I called you! You’re in no shape to help-”

“I’m fine,” Magnus assured her, running into his apothecary to grab a few vials of restorative draught. He always advocated for exercising caution while using them even when someone was in the pink of health. The crashdown could be catastrophic if consumed in quantities higher than the body could handle.

In his condition, consuming a draught of this nature would be akin to signing his own death warrant. Magnus supposed he was simply fast-forwarding the inevitable. There was already a slim chance that the Spiral Labyrinth would create a cure on time, even with the combined powers of all its Elders.

At the moment, Alexander was in trouble, and Magnus was going to get him out if that was the last thing he did. Which, he supposed, might very well end up being the case. 

“I am already feeling much better,Isabelle,” he told her, and she did not seem to buy his lies one bit. “And at any rate, I will fare much better against Clair than any of your people.”

“You’re insane,” Izzy breathed out, voice thin and shaky. “Both of you are absolutely batshit insane. It’s like you were made for each other.”

“Well,” Magnus laughed despite himself. “We won’t find out until we give it a shot. And that won’t happen until I have brought your brother back to us.” 

There was a less than zero chance that he himself was coming back, but he was leaving out that little detail for now.

“Okay,” Izzy sighed. “Where do I meet you?

“I’m afraid there’s no time to catch up,” Magnus said. “If I’m not back in thirty, call Catarina Loss, okay?”

“Wait! Magnus-”

The sound of a click told Izzy that Magnus had disconnected the call. 

But there was not a moment to waste. Magnus knows he was on a clock here. The restorative draught lasted for about 60 minutes before the crash began, so Magnus really needed to hustle. 

Magnus took a heavy swig of the draught, and for good measure, took another, and he felt instantly better. His brain started to run faster than the speed of light, his body felt lighter than air, not a trace of soreness left in his muscles. His vision was clearer, his footsteps were surer, and Magnus felt invincible . 

Tearing a portal from thin air, Magnus was outside Lumiere’s apartment within seconds , his veins beginning to with a dark, disturbing ferociousness he usually tamped down. 

The teachings of his father that Magnus usually detested, that he usually kept at bay, now coursed through his veins at full throttle. And Magnus gave in to their calling with no resistance. He leaned in all the way, letting them take over. Magnus would sacrifice much more than his humanity if it meant he could keep his Alexander safe, if it meant Alexander could get out of this mess.

Magnus felt a long suppressed darkness begin to lick up his spine, he felt his fingers crinkle with a black smoke he hadn’t seen in centuries . His glamor fell, and Magnus stopped becoming Magnus Bane - The High Warlock of Brooklyn, and turned into Magnus, the Prince of Edom. 

Thoughts that Magnus would usually never allow, now freely flowed through his mind.

Alexander was his . Alexander belonged to him . How dare someone rip him from Magnus’s side, where Alexander rightfully belonged? The audacity of this Seelie.

Someone needed to be taught some damn manners, Magnus chuckled as he vanished Clair’s several layers of carefully constructed wards with a careless flick of his hand. These wards of hers would have incinerated someone immediately on contact, and the fact that Alexander had marched in freely meant Clair had seen him coming.

His blood singing with fury, Magnus marched forward with righteous indignation and blasted the door off its hinges, consequences be damned.

His mind had one goal and one goal only. Find Alec Lightwood. Save Alec Lightwood.

And to tear whoever had harmed Alec into smithereens .

Turns out, he did not have to look very far. Because right there on the living room rug, lay his lovely Alexander. He was still, Magnus noted absently, so completely still as his beautiful hazel eyes gazed lifelessly at the ceiling.

Magnus’s feet carried him to Alec’s body on their own accord, and he fell painfully down on his knees before the other man.

“Alexander,” he gasped, grabbing Alec’s wrist in his, pushing a shockwave of magic into the Nephilim’s chest and counting to three. 

Nothing. Nothing at all.

“Please, Alexander. Please,” Magnus whispered urgently, brushing the hair out of the Shadowhunter’s forehead. “Please, stay with me. Stay with me, Alexander!”

“He’s gone,” Clair said from the corner of the room, and Magnus would have vaporized the cretin on the spot had he not been on borrowed time and power. Had Alec not been in the state he was in. Bringing back Alexander was now going to demand everything in his power, and Magnus didn’t even know if he would be able to make it through it, but he would be damned if he didn’t give every bit of himself to bring Alexander back to life.

“Shut up,” Magnus growled as he attempted resuscitation yet again, pushing intent into his magic, unleashing it onto Alexander’s prone body. Each burst of magic triggered an aggressive recoil caused Magnus to shudder violently, yet he kept pushing on.

“There’s nothing to be done, love. He tried to mess around with my business, and I had to put him in his place,” Clair explained softly, as she advanced on him. “ Please stop hurting yourself. You can’t bring him back, darling.”

“Watch. Me,” Magnus said evenly with a menacing grin, keeping his hold on Alexander as he turned in Clair’s direction. Magnus could not afford to waste his own magic, sure. But he could manipulate her Seelie magic to turn against her with no effort at all. Compared to Magnus, Clair was still an infant, and she never truly bothered to safeguard her own reserves of power. 

With a twist of his hand, he commanded vines in Clair’s hands to unfurl and wrap around her throat, pressing on it tighter and tighter still. As she began to shriek helplessly, Magnus turned his attention away to Alexander, ignoring the cries in the background that petered out slowly.

He would have done so much worse to her, he would have inflicted so much more pain, if Alexander was not lying lifeless right before him.

Magnus took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to center himself, to align himself with his magical core. He would be of no use to Alexander if he started to spiral, if he lost his patience. Time was running out, and he needed to fucking focus . He had to direct his unwavering intent into his lightly wavering magic. It would only get worse.

He kissed Alec on his forehead, which was cold and clammy under his lips. 

“You need to come back, Alexander,” Magnus whispered softly into his raven hair, smelling the standard-issue shampoo. “You need to come back, okay? Wherever you are right now, I want… I need you to know that it’s not your time just yet. There is still so much life left for you to live, so much left for you to see. So you will come back, you hear me?”

Alec stayed completely still, but Magnus knew, just knew there was something still within the Shadowhunter that was fighting to come back. Magnus just needed to give that fight some boost, that’s all. Piece of cake, really.

“I’m going to pull you back,” Magnus said, a little forcefully this time. “But you have to want to come back too, okay. So just…hang on to me, okay? I know you haven’t gone too far, my love. You just need to find your way back to me.”

“Right then,” Magnus tightened his hold on Alec, and strengthened his resolve. “Let’s do this. Just…don’t be too mad at me, okay?”

With one hand on Alexander’s chest, and another on his wrist, Magnus pulled from every ounce of power within his body, he summoned every single drop of magic that ran in his veins. He removed the barrier he kept on the dark magic and let it run riot through him. Magnus combined all of these forces together and commanded them to obey. To heal. To bring Alexander back from wherever he had wandered off to.

Magnus let out a deafening howl as power soared out of his body and ran through the conduit that was his and Alexander’s joined hands. The walls of Clair’s townhouse shook with the aftershocks of Magnus’s raw unbridled power as it continued to flow unrestrained out of his being. His head felt ready to burst, he was being pulled apart in ten million different directions as his magic lashed out at him, pushing back until it was willed into submission under Magnus’s resolute command.

His skin was pulled taut, his muscles were contracted to the breaking point, and yet Magnus allowed magic to keep cascading out of him in loud, powerful, uninhibited waves. His body felt icy cold and burning hot at the same time. He was shivering and sweating and shrieking and trembling, and every instinct within him begged him to let go, to give up, but Magnus held on tightly until his knuckles turned white.

Please let it be enough , Magnus prayed, holding on to Alexander desperately as his body began to give out under the immense strain. Please, please let it be enough. 

Magnus heard shouts in the distance, but he was too far gone to care. All he knew with absolute certainty was that he felt a whisper of life in Alexander, and he was going to hold on to it with everything he had, until he couldn’t.

He was hurtling close to the end, he knew that in the back of his head. If he didn’t pull back right at that very minute, there was probably no return for him. He was practically transfusing Alec’s life force with his own, and it was not going to end well for him.

Well, Magnus thought, if this was the end, at least he was in Alexander’s arms when it happened.

Then, as the memory of Alec’s lovely face burst before his eyes, Magnus collapsed onto him a heap with a smile on his face.

And then neither of them were moving.

Chapter Text

“Damn you, Magnus Bane,” Izzy hissed into the receiver as Magnus disconnected the call abruptly. In retrospect, she never should have called him for assistance. Izzy knew how Magnus carried a soft spot for her brother, and had been for a while. She also knew the disregard that the man had for his own well being. Her brother and Magnus were like two peas in a pod, weren’t they?

Of course, Alec had thrown himself blindly into danger to try and save Magnus. And of course, Magnus would want to be the knight to save the overgrown damsel that was Alec. 

And now Izzy would be left to explain their shenanigans to the Clave and the Downworld Leaders, she would be the one to explain to them how the Head of the New York Institute and the High Warlock of Brooklyn had managed to off themselves in the span of a few hours.

“If you haven’t managed to get yourself killed already, I am going to kill you both myself!” she muttered on her way out of Ops, dispatching fire messages to Catarina Loss and the rest of the Downworld Leaders. If any of the nearby Shadowhunters were perplexed at her commentary, they kept it to themselves, not wanting her wrath trained their way.

***

He woke up to the gentle sound of waves crashing and splashing loudly against the rocks. The air was heavy with moisture and smelled faintly of salt and wet earth, along with… was that mildew? 

He could feel the coarse sand under his body as he shifted into a more comfortable position. In the back of his mind, he knew he should be trying to get up off the ground, to survey his new surroundings, to create a plan of action, but at the same time, getting up was the absolute last thing he wanted to do. 

His body was lax, his bones might as well have been made out of the same water as the ocean, because it felt like he was one with the ground beneath him. He was comfortable, at peace and it was glorious. Maybe getting off the ground would hurt him more, Alec thought absently, as his eyelids grew heavy again and he lost himself to sleep once more, uncaring of the soft droplets of rain falling over him.

***

The next time he woke up, it was sometime around noon, and Alec could feel the pinpricks of heat all over his body. It was sticky and uncomfortable and Alec put whatever was remaining of his strength in his elbows to maneuver himself off the ground. The simple act seemed to tap out all of his energy reserves, and Alec had to take a few heavy breaths to regain some level of awareness.

He was on a beach, he observed as he took in his surroundings. But it was unlike any beach Alec has ever seen before in his life. There were no tourists, no towering buildings in the distance, just rows and rows of tall trees and jagged rocks in the back. The sand was almost pearly white, and the water was a shade of blue he had only ever read in books about. It was like paradise, Alec realized, in a hauntingly beautiful sort of way.

He got up, shaking off the sand that stuck to him like a second skin, and decided to take a swim to clean up and cool his body down. As he walked towards the direction of the water, Alec discovered that he was not as alone as he initially thought.

There was a man crouched over one of the rocks. He was wearing a loose, linen tunic and flowy pants made of the same material. He was skipping stones along the water, idly chatting with the bird that was perched on top of his shoulder. 

Alec would recognize that outline of broad, powerful shoulders, that graceful arch of the long, muscled neck, that perfectly chiseled jawline anywhere.

“Magnus?” Alec asked carefully, not wanting to startle the man.

The man in question did not look the least perturbed at Alec’s voice. It was as if he had been waiting for Alec to show up. Angling his head backwards, Magnus peered in Alec’s direction, and Alec let out an audible gasp at what he saw.

Gold. Magnus’s eyes were pure, liquid gold.

How the hell had Alec never seen them before?

Magnus’s eyes were beautiful at all times- be it the way they hardened in anger, the way they squinted in concentration, or the way they lit up in sheer joy. Alec had dreamed endlessly about Magnus’s eyes, and in his visions, they were always a rich shade of chocolate brown.

But the gold was something else. It made Magnus look ethereal, otherworldly, and it just… fit . If there was ever a man who could personify sunlight, Alec thought, it would be Magnus Bane. 

The same Magnus Bane was currently looking at Alec, his soft smile tugging and pulling at Alec’s heart in the best and the worst of ways. Alec had felt the sweet ache intensify over time, simmering  like molasses under the warmth of Magnus’s affection.

“Sleep okay?” Magnus asked, beckoning Alec over, and what choice did Alec have but to obey?

It was not as if Alec could look away from the man. All the beauty in the world could surround him and Alec would only ever have eyes for Magnus Bane. All Alec was capable of ever seeing was Magnus Bane, and it used to terrify him so much, being in too deep for a man who could burn him so easily, who could walk over him so readily.  

But Magnus never quite burned him, at least not in the way Alec expected him to. Magnus just…lit a fire under him. Alec’s steel resolve melted like butter under Magnus’s gaze, and Alec had begun to realize that he did not mind that at all. He never really had. 

There would be no shame, no shame at all in this surrender. Because it went both ways. Magnus had been yearning to surrender to him too. He had always been. Only Alec never wanted to see it until it was too late. Far too late.

In his head, Alec knew both of them had wandered far- very, very far from home. This place, whatever it was, felt like a world away from their world. It settled and unsettled Alec equally.

Magnus, though…Magnus looked so much at ease out here.

His posture was serene, calm, and relaxed. And yet somehow, this version of Magnus was more arresting, more powerful than the Magnus who casually destroyed a horde of a thousand demons with carelessly calculated precision perfected over years and years of effort and dedication. Alec knew just how difficult it was to hit a moving target without even looking at it. But channeling your energies into destroying a thousand moving targets zooming in your direction, and destroying them squarely in the centre? That level of skill, that degree of power, was unseen. 

And the same man, the same powerful being now sat before Alec, every muscle in his body at peace with the world. Magnus’s hair was down, his eyes were unlined, and he looked so young and still so infinitely old at the same time. What was this place?

“Figured it out, have you?” Magnus chuckled, hand still outstretched in Alec’s direction, and Alec kept walking, kept taking steps until he was so close to Magnus that he could breathe him in. Sandalwood and the sea. Perfection.

Alec had indeed figured it out, or at least started to. But Magnus was looking the tiniest bit smug, and Alec did want to enjoy that a little bit more. Magnus was always the perfect gentleman, always careful, always tentative around him. He wanted the teasing, the playfulness, for just a little bit longer, while they were still in this bubble.

“Figured out what?” Alec asked, taking a seat next to Magnus. There was a second of hesitation before he rested his forehead against Magnus’s solid shoulder. Almost on instinct, Magnus’s arm wrapped around Alec’s back and Alec felt his heart stutter for a moment before it settled down, trying to match its rhythm with Magnus’s.

“That we’re not home, of course,” Magnus teased back, and Alec had to roll his eyes a little. “Why, what did you think I was gonna ask, Alexander?”

“Hmm. Home, we are not,” Alec played along, murmuring into Magnus’s shirt, relishing in the warm, solid body supporting him. “New York is not nearly this clean. Or this pretty.”

“Not a drug deal in sight,” Magnus agreed.

A breath, and then two. And then a few more. Alec could stay like this forever, he thought, body wrapped with Magnus’s, lungs taking in the same air as him.

“Magnus?” Alec asked, not moving his head.

“Hmm?” Magnus asked, and Alec could feel the vibrations in Magnus’s chest under his cheek.

“Where are we?”

“I-” Magnus took a pause to consider Alec’s question. “I don’t know how to answer that.”

“Try,” Alec prompted him. “Your wild guess would be more accurate than anything I could ever come up with.”

“This, Alexander,” Magnus relented, stroking Alec’s back in calming circles. “This is home for me.”

Alec looked around. In the back of his mind, he knew Magnus had lived a very long life before they met. Heck, Alec had seen pictures. But this was still a shock to him, imagining Magnus anywhere outside of New York.

“This beach is from an old memory of mine,” Magnus explained, watching the puzzled expression on Alec’s face. “I don’t think it exists anymore. It went under the sea about half a century ago, if my memory serves me correctly. I was born and raised in a village not too far from here, actually.”

“Does this place hold a lot of good memories for you?” Alec asked, imagining Magnus as a little boy getting up to all kinds of trouble around here. 

“Well,” Magnus looked conflicted. “This so happens to be the place where my stepfather tried to drown me because he blamed me for my mother’s death. But except for that one incident, yes, I was quite fond of this place.”

Alec gaped at him, and Magnus simply shrugged in response.

“I…” Alec tried to say something before pausing. Several times. “That's horrible, Magnus! Why are we here , of all places?”

“I don’t know. This is where I should have died in the first place?” Magnus shrugged again. “I suppose fate wants me to experience things full circle or something. Maybe a message that death can never be defeated, only delayed, however indefinitely.”

“So we’re dead, then?” Alec asked. He had been suspecting it, of course, but Magnus’s words seemed like a confirmation. 

“I think so,” Magnus said. “Or we will soon be, and this is just the…limbo part. This is the last vestiges of our souls, the last bit of our consciousness communicating.”

They held onto one another as they watched the birds fly around them, as they watched the wind blow, creating ripples in the ocean. They held onto each other as the trees danced in the wind, as the waves crashed against the shore, spraying droplets of water over them.

“What happens next?” Alec asked, unsure of what answer he wanted to hear. “Will we be together, wherever we end up?”

“I don’t think we’ll remember one way or the other,” Magnus told him honestly. “Of all the books I have read, of all the people I have talked to - and believe me there have been a lot of books and a lot of people…there has never been any sort of consensus among them. Everyone has their own theory, their own version that brings them the most peace. And well, that is enough, I think.”

“What is your version?” Alec asked. He wasn’t curious about death particularly. Mortality was a concept Nephilim grew up embracing and celebrating. Alec didn’t look too deep into it. One moment you were alive, and in the next one, you weren’t. Simple as that.

But the thing was…in his mind, Alec was always going to die alone. And Magnus? Magnus wasn’t supposed to die at all. And it was the latter part that had been bothering him. If Alect passed, he would be briefly grieved and forgotten, but how could the world continue to keep spinning on its axis without Magnus Bane in it? It seemed so fundamentally wrong. He needed Magnus’s words to settle his mind, to prepare him for what was to come, to hold him through that final step.

“Well,” Magnus said, voice a little sad as he ran a thumb over Alec’s knuckles. “It’s a bit like a river meeting the sea, isn’t it? All of our souls merge into one, and it’s impossible to say which is which.”

***

“Why aren’t they waking up?” Jace asked frantically, crouched on the floor where Alec and Magnus’s bodies lay still, hands gripping each other tightly. Jace had repeatedly drawn healing rune upon healing rune over his Parabatai to no avail, and Izzy was now sending a fire message to the Silent Brothers, seeking their counsel.

Besides Jace, Catarina Loss and Ragnor Fell were working relentlessly on Magnus, trying to resuscitate him. 

Alec and Magnus, however, were immobile.

“I received a message back from the Silent City,” Izzy said urgently. “They can try healing Alec from within their premises. They can try to bring him back, but we have to remove him from Magnus first.”

Ragnor and Catarina looked at Izzy as if she had lost her mind.

“Unfortunately removing either of them from the other is going to result in certain death for the both of them, Miss Lightwood,” Ragnor explained, one hand on Magnus’s wrist, and the other on Alec’s. A faint pulse resonated through both their veins, but it was not strong enough. Not nearly strong enough.

“What do you mean?” Jace asked from Alec’s side.

“You see that?” Ragnor pointed towards the blue and gold bonds that wound themselves like vines around Magnus and Alec’s joined hands. “ That is the reason these two idiots are still somehow alive. Magnus transfused his life force with Alec’s, to the point they are now surviving off of one another in a very strange kind of symbiosis. They are, quite literally, each other’s life support.”

“What do you suggest we do, then?” Izzy asked, on the verge of tears. “I will not lose my brother! I cannot!”

“And we will not lose our friend either, Miss Lightwood,” Catarina reminded her sternly. “There are two lives at stake here. That one of them has demon blood doesn't make him any more expendable.”

Izzy looked suitably chagrined, but Ragnor was staring at Catarina as if he was seeing her for the very first time.

“You brilliant, brilliant woman, Catarina Loss!” he gushed and Catarina looked more confused, than anything. “This …this is why whatever we have tried hasn’t been working. In fact, it is doing the opposite of working and we are very likely hurting them!”

“Why do you look so happy about that?” Jace asked dubiously.

“Ragnor,” Catarina looked at Ragnor in complete and utter incomprehension. “The heck are you on about now?”

“Cat, think about it. Think of Magnus’s pedigree” Ragnor pressed again. “Have you forgotten there are in fact two nephilim in this bond? It’s not an opposing bond, it’s very likely that the two of them have forged the esprit d'amour .”

“The Soulmate Bond,” Cat recalled, face white with shock. “But that’s…Ragnor! How?”

“That particular bond is forged by intent ,” Ragnor explained, now withdrawing the healing spell work he had cast over Magnus in layers. “Magnus poured his magic, his intent, his life-force into Alec’s. And Magnus’s soul would have escaped afterwards, except Alec didn’t let Magnus go. He didn’t come out of his coma, because he followed Magnus into his. This is why they are bound.”

“Magnus would have drifted off,” Catarina said. Any immortal would have. Sometimes, the pull to give in, to let your battered soul rest was too much.

“It is up to Alec now, I’m afraid,” Ragnor said. “He has anchored Magnus to himself, so now he must be the one to guide him back.”

“Wait,” Izzy interrupted. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that Alec had a choice to return,” Catarina said. “And in that split second that Alec had to make that decision, he decided to hold on to Magnus instead. His intent was to not let go, just as Magnus’s intent was to hold on to Alec till his last.”

“How do we help them?” Izzy asked desperately, as Jace covered Alec with his jacket. “How do we help them come back?”

“We wait,” was all Cat said, and Ragnor agreed. “One can’t stay in limbo forever, and whatever decision Alec and Magnus make, we will know soon enough.”

***

“It’s strange, though,” Alec said, when an eternity seemed to have passed, and they were still there, on that beach. Even the sun had not set, and Alec knew that was not normal, even for this place. It was as if time had stopped, suspended.

“What is?” Magnus asked, from where he was lying next to Alec.

“I..I get that we are supposed to be dead,” Alec began, uncertain how to elaborate further. “But this just feels like we are stuck? As if we have to be the ones to make a call here. And…dying feels like the wrong one, somehow.”

“Your death was wrong, Alexander,” Magnus said seriously, turning over to face him. “You were made to go far too soon. I wish I could have tried harder. I will never forgive myself for not doing more to save you.”

“You did everything you could have and then some,” Alec spoke without an ounce of doubt. “That is not what I am talking about. Does it not feel wrong, like we are not meant to be here? This place feels unnatural to me, and aren’t you supposed to feel peaceful in the end?”

“Hmm,” Magnus considered it, rubbing his goatee absently with his finger. “I don’t feel wrong here, not really. This place is familiar to me. I visit it in my dreams more often than not, actually. Even though hundreds of years have passed since that day, I can still remember every detail like it was yesterday.”

“You…you visit this horrible place in your sleep  almost every night ?” Alec asked, horrified beyond belief.

“Just because this place has an unfortunate memory associated with it doesn’t make it a bad place, you know.”

“Your stepfather tried to kill you,” Alec repeated, unimpressed. 

“And I succeeded in killing him in turn,” Magnus responded with a casual shrug. “Murderers deserve their comeuppance in the end, Alexander.”

“You,” Alec was furious. “You are not a murderer , Magnus, far from it!”

Magnus didn’t say a thing in response.

“Is that why you keep coming back to this place in your dreams?” Alec demanded. “What, because you feel like you deserve this?”

“I didn’t say that...,” Magnus tried to pacify him, but Alec refused to waver.

“You didn’t murder anyone,” Alec insisted, firmly and clearly. “Your mother killed herself, and as fucked up as that was, that was not your fault. Your stepfather taking his anger out on you was not your fault, either. You were trying to defend yourself, Magnus.”

“I keep wishing if there was something I could have done to change that,” Magnus admitted, refusing to meet Alec’s eyes.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” Alec replied honestly. “All I know is this. You are a good man, Magnus Bane. And the world is better for having you in it. It’s more beautiful because you are in it. It won’t be the same if you decide to go.”

“Decide to go?” Magnus asked. “I didn’t decide anything, Alexander. I signed my fate away the minute I showed up to the wretched Seelie’s flat and saw you on that carpet. Nothing mattered after that. But I failed. That was just one more time I tried to protect someone and failed. I keep failing when it comes to saving people I care about.”

“You didn’t fail,” Alec told him plainly. The memories had been coming back to him slowly, and he had begun to remember how he ended up here in the first place. “You didn’t fail at anything, Magnus. Your magic was perfect, just like you. You did bring me back to life.”

“Then why?” Magnus asked. “Why...How are you here? You shouldn’t be here then, Alexander!”

“I felt your spirit leave your body,” Alec said. “I felt every emotion, every thought of yours towards the end there, and I felt you try to leave. But I couldn’t let you go, so I followed you here. And this place absolutely sucks, so I would appreciate it very much if we-”

“Esprit d'amour ,” Magnus whispered.

“Umm…the what, now?” Alec leaned in curiously.

“It’s … I think we may have triggered a Soulmate Bond,” Magnus said, trying to piece together everything he knew about the nephilim-nephilim bond that had been lost to the pages of history. No doubt an active attempt by the Clave. “And that bond tied us together. And because I am now dying, I dragged you here with me. Fucking great.”

“Hey!” Alec protested. “I chose to be here. You were perfectly fine gallivanting to this depressing beach all by yourself, remember?”

“And you should have let me!” Magnus insisted.

“Never,” Alec said, not missing a beat. “Never, Magnus. Would you have left me behind?”

“Of course not!”

“Then how could you expect me to?” Alec asked, before shaking his head. “Look, we can hash this all out afterwards. Let’s…let’s just go back, alright?”

“Go back?” Magnus asked in confusion. “Back where , exactly?”

“What do you mean, where?” Alec asks. “New York, of course! Let’s just go”

“I’m fine here!” Magnus insisted, rather petulantly for his age. “There is nothing for me back home, Alexander. It’s been a very long, very lonely life. I’m okay with finally letting go. I will make sure you make it back safely though.”

“Oh no. No, no, no,” Alec smiled viciously. “That’s where you’re mistaken. If you stay here, I stay here. Then both of us can be locked in this hellish nightmare until the end of time. You're stuck with me now, my guy.”

Magnus clenched his jaw in response, and Alec powered on.

“So you have two options- Come back to New York with me, or we can stay in this place where literally nothing happens , ever, until the …the Soul River thing shows up to claim us. I personally have a preference, but don’t let that stop you.”

“Alexander-” Magnus said, shaking his head, and there were tears in his eyes. 

“Magnus,” Alec reached towards him, cupping his face gently in his hands. “You remember what you said to me before you maniacally started that deranged ritual to bring me back from literal death?”

“No…?”

“You said I had too much life left to live. Too much to see, to experience,” Alec repeated almost verbatim. “You said it was not time for me yet.”

“And I agree with that,” Magnus said honestly. “You could have a long happy life if you went back, Alexander.”

“It won't be a happy life without you, you jerk!” Alec said heatedly. “Don't you get it? I would rather spend an eternity in this nothingness with you, than spend a life without you. All those things you want me to experience, Magnus? I want them with you. And there are things I want, Magnus. So, so many things. This, us, it could be something great, something wonderful. You know that!”

Magnus was openly sobbing at this point, and Alec clutched the hand that was resting between them.

“Hey,” Alec said fiercely, trying to meet Magnus’s eyes with his own. “I know living is scary, being lonely is scary. But I promise you that you’ll never be alone again. Please come back with me, Magnus, and let me prove it to you.”

“I’m so tired,” Magnus said defeatedly. “I am so tired, Alexander.” 

“I get that. I am not an immortal, Magnus, but to some extent, I do understand how you feel.” Alec admitted and Magnus looked up at him in curiosity. “I had been so alone, so lost, just floating through life, Magnus, and I used to feel invisible, for the most part. It was as if I was just watching life pass me by, like I was letting life happen to me, but I was not really living.”

“I’m sorry, Alexander,” Magnus said, regret clear in his voice. “You deserved better. So much better.”

“Don’t be sorry, Magnus,” Alec shook his head. “I wouldn’t even have realized there was something missing in my life until you showed up, and made me question everything. But now I want to live, and you made me want that.”

And Alec meant every word. He had been floundering through life, fulfilling his duties and following the law, but never feeling fulfilled by any of it. 

It was like his spirit was calling for something, someone.

For Magnus.

And Alec felt so unworthy when Magnus reached back to him, looking at Alec as if he were someone special. And Alec did not understand it at all, back then.

He had tried and tried to make head or tail of Magnus’s fixation with him, but in hindsight he had started to realize that there was no reason to be found when it came to love. 

“This bond,” Magnus began, looking at him uncertainly. “If I go back with you, you will likely become immortal. You will acquire some of my capabilities, and I yours.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Alec assured him. “We’ll talk and talk endlessly, and we will figure it all out. I promise. You have always fought for us. Now let me do the same for you, for us.”

It would be worth it.

Because love was always worth it.

Because somehow, by some cosmic intervention, people managed to find someone who saw them, someone who they truly could truly see too, and somehow, if they were both lucky, and the time was right, they would get a chance to love each other. 

Finding that person, that one person out of so many, who would have the potential to complete you, was so unbelievably rare, a miracle unlike any other. So many things would have to line up exactly the right way to meet the one person that your soul has been hurting, yearning, reaching for. 

And now that such a love had found Alec, he was going to do everything in his power to hold on to it.

Alec did not know how long he spent, sitting there, ruminating while he stared at Magnus, while he had this realization. Magnus, for his part, had his head tilted, his lips were curved in a smile, and his eyebrows were arched in just a hint of mischief.

Alec saw the resolve set in Magnus’s handsome features, and around them, time began to move again. 

“Let’s go back home,” Magnus said eventually, twining his fingers with Alec’s.

And so they did.