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Eeth was... not angry, not exactly, but how can I put this... frustrated? He left the rage and the explosions to Mace.
- That FUCKER-
Not for the first time today he was grateful that they were in Mace's home and not in a more public place, Mace's reputation would suffer from that kind of eminently sincere but unpolitical vocabulary and this was no time for the Jedi to weaken their leader's image.
- Chancellor my arse! He-
Definitely a good thing they were alone, yes.
Eeth poured himself some more tea – he had never understand this human passion for water flavoured with grass – into which he added a good dose of strong alcohol, stirred absentmindedly before sipping his drink. As a Zabrak, he was one of the few people in this Temple who could literally drink alcohol just for the taste of it, since drunkenness was almost biologically impossible for him. Beside him, Mace had been grumbling for a while.
Eeth made his bottle disappear, Mace did not need it tonight. In fact, it would probably be more prudent to remove all temptation from his flat.
That is, the law the old man had just enacted was really a problem for them specifically. Requiring Jedi over thirty to all have a marriage bond by the end of the year was not just a problem in terms of fundamental beliefs but also a logistical headache. Fortunately, people over seventy were spared, and Eeth had never been happier with the humane outlook of the current Coruscant government than he was now, many species of a perfectly reasonable age to mate for their own species would at least not be forced to do so under such aberrant deadlines and conditions.
How were people who had grown up to be eternal unmarried souls supposed to be interested in a full partnership that would last until the day they died?
It was simple, they could not, especially not in such a short space of time. Four months, it was so ridiculous.
But at least... he was happy for the lucky ones who were going to escape this law, even if he unfortunately was not one of them.
Another problem was that marriages were allowed with partners outside the Order. In itself, this was not bad or serious, but it was still... tricky. Civilians did not understand that their commitment was like that of the military, they left as soon as they were called to do what they were told, whatever the risks, and it was not... well, compatible with family life as desired in many cultures. Lots of trouble ahead, and Eeth suddenly felt much older than his early forties. Politics would do that to a man.
That is, unless that man was Mace, who was still just as valiant and just as rebellious as when he was a Padawan according to... well, just about anyone old enough to testify to that.
And he was even older than Eeth by about ten years, so it was telling how far beyond the human species Mace was. It must have been that Korun’s "miracle of the Force".
- ... right?
Oops. He had completely forgotten to listen. Luckily he had long since mastered the technique so he would not get caught daydreaming instead of listening.
- "Absolutely, Mace," he agreed.
Approving was always the right option, because people who asked other people for their opinion generally wanted to have their point of view validated. Confirmation bias and all that, thanks to the psychology courses he had taken at Coruscant Central University to keep himself busy after Sharad was knighted.
- So you agree that I should throw their racism in their faces and force them to add as many amendments as there are species among our members so that they take into account the species that should be concerned if we forget to think in standard years?
There was only one possible word to describe Mace's face: mocking.
Thanks for the confirmation bias... except with Mace. Because Mace was a vicious bastard and a teasing friend. Mocking. Taunting.
In short, he was a real prick when he was not the Master of the Jedi Order, but Eeth really liked that, that snarl and that snark, so he did not say anything, especially as he was the one who had lost the thread of the conversation.
- Ah. Ah. Ah. I'm laughing out loud.
- You look like.
- At least you don't have much to worry about, you won't be short of marriage proposals when the news breaks.
- "Because you think you'll be someone to feel sorry for?" Mace laughed gently. "I'm almost at the age limit for a reason, even if I'm well preserved. You're in your prime and much more attractive."
- I hope you're joking. Zabrak, uncivilised and rude, rough and aggressive.
- You're aggressive like a mama cat with her litter, only when necessary.
- You're talking about yourself, aren't you?
Mace laughed loudly and rubbed his face.
- We both know I'm not always the most reasonable man.
- On the contrary, you're very reasonable. You are reasonable... when it suits you.
Mace smiled quietly, before his face froze, and Eeth did not know why, but all he could think was: "Oh no". He did not know why, it was just an instinct.
Then the man remained strangely silent, and that was another red flag for him. Alert. Danger. Imminent threat.
When Mace finally turned to him, extremely impassive, he already knew he was not going to like it.
- Hey, I've got an idea.
He definitely was not going to like it.
Eeth would not judge, but Mace's ideas about his private life were rarely wise. Like, when you became a Rodian stage actor for several years after becoming a full Jedi Knight, it was pretty obvious, was not it?
- I don't want to hear it, your ideas are terrible and I want to have plausible deniability.
- Bastard. And besides, it was a great idea to piss Palpatine off.
Well, in that case...
- All right, but make it brief.
- What if we get married?
- Be less brief.
The other nodded and his whole attitude screamed "Master of the Order mode activated" as he straightened up and looked at him seriously.
- It's only rational. We both have to be married by the end of the year, and for obvious reasons we currently have no romantic interest to pursue, so we're both free as the wind.
- That doesn't explain to me why we should get married.
- Well, to be clear, there's no special reason for it, though... well, what better way to be a little shit in a completely natural and impossible to criticise way than by being in the Senate during Palpatine's announcement and ruining his effect by showing him how we can and will skew the system, and with a smile on top of that?
- So basically you just want to ruin the moment when he wanted to establish his dominance over us.
- Hmm... basically, yeah, that's it.
- And I'm probably the only person who could say yes to such an insane plan.
- Not only that, I mean, others could agree to at least pretend to be ready to marry me by tonight, but... Frankly, I don't know anyone who has a friendship as strong as ours, can you really look me in the eye and tell me that a marriage between us would be a failure?
Beyond the humour, there was nothing but sincerity in Mace's eyes and Eeth... yeah, Eeth could well imagine what it would be like. Living with Mace, falling asleep next to him, waking up in his arms. Sharing every meal, being even closer... He could almost see it.
It really would not be painful or even awkward. It might even be pleasant.
- All right, then.
- Right?
- Let's do it. The Senate session starts in about ten minutes, doesn't it? We'll get there just in time to hear the offending announcement.
Mace leapt to his feet and pulled him in for an extremely quick but emotional hug.
- Oh, you have no idea how much I love you! We'd better hurry, I want to dodge Master Yoda!
Eeth, for all his youth and stamina, struggled to keep up with the pace set by the much taller Korun, whose strides were much longer than his own. When they crashed into each other in the pod reserved for the Jedi as guardians of justice, Palpatine had just finished his announcement and Eeth could see a large number of eyes on them.
All those who were not human or represented predominantly non-human populations for whom the calculation of lifespan in standard Republican years was highly incorrect in relation to their biological cycles seemed to be holding back from bursting into laughter. The Jedi were, in a way, the Republic, but they were nobody in particular, so it was the Executive, the Chancellery, which could take certain decisions concerning them, the Senators had no say in the matter and could only hear the news.
And those who knew how many holes there were in the law as it was passed could only giggle.
Mace being Mace, he stood up and spoke with ease, fluidity and a poise that many Senators would envy.
- Chancellor, I wish to make an announcement along your lines.
- Of course, Master Windu.
Anyone who knew anything about their backgrounds knew that they hated each other cordially and that if looks could kill, both would be dead on the spot. Politeness was just a veneer for dirty tricks, and Mace had become a reluctant expert in this area.
- I wish to announce to you all that I will be marrying my High Council comrade, Jedi Master Eeth Koth, whom you already know.
Eeth was sure that most of them did not know him at all, but it was always fun so he played along, grinning serenely and tensing his stomach tightly so as not to burst out laughing at the pinched, disapproving look on their horrified Chancellor's face.
- No offence, but this is a question of marriage, Master Windu, not friendship, and while the question may confuse you, it does not imply the same things.
Mace's raised eyebrow was just masterful, a whole speech without a single word. Grandiose. He had not even opened his mouth yet Eeth knew that this day would go down in the collective memory of the Republic.
Stage actor. Mace was acting like a god and Eeth already knew that Palpatine was going to regret it. The repartee was one of Mace's natural talents, and the theatre had only enhanced it.
Palpatine had never really known who he was dealing with.
- Could you explain that, Chancellor?
- "Well, you know, marriage requires a form of affection other than friendship," the old human tried awkwardly to explain, without having to say a word that would offend the assumed delicate sensibilities of these prudish and virginal Jedi.
- You mean sex, right?
- "Erm... yes, yes, that's what I meant," Palpatine stammered, trying to regain his composure, but Mace would not allow it, it was obvious he was enjoying himself far too much.
- Chancellor, I really hope that you have no intention of forcing any of my Jedi to have sex. They might identify themselves as asexual or have a partner who identifies as such, in which case no sexual relations would be desired and freely consented to, which is neither more nor less than rape, I'm sure that's not what you meant, is it?
- Nobody's going to check what's going on in private, but you'll have to agree that physical attraction and carnal closeness are fundamental in the early stages of a couple's relationship, so simply saying that you're going to marry your friend without wanting to pretend to fulfil the role of a spouse seems to me-
- I beg your pardon?
- ... very forward.
Mace crossed his arms and turned into the very image of contempt so Eeth wisely took a step back.
- I want you to know, Chancellor, that I feel perfectly capable of bringing my partner to orgasm.
So much smugness and arrogance in that man. Eeth adored him.
The whole Senate was in an uproar, so he thought for a few seconds and stepped forward to speak.
- Chancellor, you're very kind to have my best interests at heart, but I assure you that I'm perfectly capable of looking after any needs this man may have, and I'm sure he'll show the same diligence. With that out of the way, I sincerely hope that you will agree to officiate at our wedding ceremony alongside Master Yoda.
Mace smiled with a triumph that he could only return, and when they turned to Palpatine they were arm in arm, leaning against each other and in perfect harmony.
- "The wedding bodes well", Mace flatly declared just enough into the microphone for everyone to hear as Palpatine withdrew with indistinct words.
Without any discretion or grace, Eeth kneed the back of Mace's knees to knock him off balance and for once looked down on him with pleasure.
- You're so dramatic, I suppose you'll be wanting some Rodian theatrics on the big day?
- "You know me so well," the other confirmed without really answering as he stood up.
- Ahh... OK, but I'm choosing our honeymoon destination, and that's non-negotiable.
- It's a good compromise.
Eeth chuckled, patting his cheek. He would later admit that he had completely forgotten about the cameras; it was Mace alone who was speaking at that moment.
- This isn't a compromise, just understand that I'm holding the reins of this marriage and you'll be fine.
And because Mace was such a clever man, he bent. People did not really know Eeth, they did not know how deadly serious he was – whichh was much needed to make up for the ridiculousness of a certain someone – but thankfully the one person who needed to take him seriously did.
They should be able to get through it, Eeth had already been regulating Mace's more eccentric antics for years.
He was just going to have to... step up the pace.
Mace would owe him a wedding anniversary trip every year until he died, he would accept nothing less.