Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Her legs are shaking.

Her body weight seems to have moved up to only the top half.

Her legs broke into shambles,

As she fell to the ground

Her eyes stinged and salty tears form up..

—

AN’S POV:

That's the only thing I remember, Everything after is just blackness.. screaming…and then I wake up to be in my room…locked…windows and curtains shut…with nothing but my empty mind to distract.

I haven't eaten since then or had a wink of sleep.. I don't know how long it's been as it's just darkness that consumes me for maybe days to weeks.

But what's my plan from here? Nagi-san..why.. Why was it just me? Why was I left out?

My thoughts loop in my mind again and again. As I pace around, everything is just a loop.. A circle, around and around.. Yet a circle seems to be a shape that loops..forever and ever and I can't seem to break out of-….

“Shiraishi?”

I stop my pace. My head darts to the door immediately..

That voice..

“Its me Toya”

“Toya…” I feel the warmth of my breath hitting my face.

“I umh.. I came to check up on you”
I hear his breath stagger as he stutters on his words.

“ You haven't came to school...or even to the sekai…Ken-san even told me you haven't left your room”
His breath hitches.

“Everyones worried. Especially me.”
His voice cracks.

“I'm not going to force you out or make you come to school or to practice but, I'll.. try to keep you updated.

Take your time

I'll wait as long as you need me too”

I feel myself reaching for the door handle, the rough wood surface of the door brushing against my finger tips.

“I love you

..

An-Chan”

My hand stops.

I hear brief footsteps walk away from the current location.
His footsteps that were so heavy get fainter and fainter..

“Toya..”

It's almost like his name was the only word that I knew.

I missed my chance.

“..What does Toya feel about all of this.. About me now..”

I walk over to grab a notebook and a pen, and switch on a source of light.

—

TOYA’S POV:

I walk away from her room. There seems to be no light inside, only the light from the hallway creeping in from the crack under the door.

“Any progress?”

Ken-san looks like he just saw someone getting murdered. A normal reaction from someone who loves their daughter so dearly then proceeding getting shunned by her, but not just him, the whole world also.

“No, I'm sorry..”

I see his eyes drain of any hope of getting her out right there. He probably thought for sure his daughter's boyfriend could knock some sense into her, only to find it was no hope.

I had a lack of words. I tried to choke down my tears that were forming.

The light, bright, sparkly girl I knew had lost her light. Now she's just..

“ I'm really..

Sorry..”

You could tell my voice was hitching while I held back tears.

“ I’ll be back, I'm not gonna give up on her..”

“Thank you..”

I hear a soft croak.

I wouldn't have known who the voice had belonged to if I wasn't aware of the people in the room.

I had already turned my back to Ken-san as I was on the verge of tears.

I walked out, I heard the bell ring.

I walked out knowing if I said anymore I would have swollen eyes that were shut in the morning.

I hear the door close.

But it wasn't the door that engulfed my girlfriend in darkness.

—

Plan save An-Chan!!!!

Azusawa added Akito to the conversation

Azusawa added Aoyagi to the conversation

Aoyagi

What's this?

Akito

It's a GC on how to “save An” It was Kohanes idea

Azusawa

Sorry Aoyagi-kun for adding you all of a sudden! Just An-chan hasn't been answering either me or Shinonome-kuns text or calls.

Akito

Which is understandable and expected

Azusawa

But we thought, our best bet was with you!

Aoyagi

Sorry, but she hasn't been replying to me either.

-He thought that if he told them that he went to go see her they would want to tag along next time. He wouldn't mind of course, just he didn't know if she needed more people on her at the moment.-

Akito

Ah

Azusawa

Oh.

Aoyagi

Yea, sorry to disappoint.

Azusawa

No! You are completely fine!! I just really wished I could help her somehow after all she's done for me :(.

Akito

The whole situation is kinda messed up. Just let her be and let her find out a way to cope

Azusawa

I understand…

Akito

Having too many people surrounding her is going to delay her comeback, But I feel like Toya may help her a bit..

Azusawa

Yes! Our best bet is on An-chan's boyfriend!!

I can't say I would understand what she's going through right now but, I feel like I would like to have the support of my boyfriend or a loved one.

Akito

Good to know

Aoyagi

You really think I could help her somehow?

Azusawa

Yes! She loves you very dearly. If she could, I think she might have a shrine for you..

Akito

That crazy bitch probably already does

Azusawa

Shinonome.

Akito

sorry

Azusawa

It's getting quite late guys. Please get some sleep <3

We will come up with something to do in the morning.

Aoyagi

Goodnight Azusawa.

Goodnight Akito.

Akito

Goodnight

Akito has gone offline..

Azusawa has gone offline..

Aoyagi has gone offline..

—

“If only I could have a shrine of him”

An Giggles to herself

She has no entertainment at the moment.
The videos that once made her happy made her sulk and frustrated at the momment.

She stops her soft, groggy, laughter and cranes her head to her desk.

The Notebook she once scrambled to write in was now something she's cautious of…

The notebook was open, to the last page where she wrote her rant.

She breaks out in a smile.

“It was just an in the moment thing!

haha ! I wouldn't do something so extreme!

..I can be selfish once in a while, right?...”

her smile fades as she looks at the notebook with a solemn look.

Her body stopped her but worked up the courage to move as she stumbles over to the table,

She takes a breath and reads what she had once wroten.

She reads page after page..

Word after word..

Salty tears roll down on the paper, which soaks it up.

“I'm selfish all the time…

He's the only one who I can't be selfish with..”

—

It had been a few weeks since Toya first started to come visit.

After school everyday he would come over,

He would give her the work, make her study guides, talk about school life, practice, how Akito and Kohane were holding up in their relationship, After all she did help them get together and was their number one fan.

Everything

That's how much she meant to him so he would give her everything in return.

It was just another day of this routine-

*BAMM*

Toya lets out a hiss as his headaches due to him falling backwards onto the back of his head, he feels slight pressure on his abdomen like someone was stepping on him.… But wait a minute he had been leaning against Ans door so that means…

He slowly opens his eyes to see her.

She stood towering above him, Placing her foot to hold him down like he would run away at the sight of her.

She was still beautiful as ever but…

Her beautiful tan skin was now pale white

Her bright, glistening eyes were now swollen, and had eye bags under them.

Her clothes were baggy and dirty…

Yet it didn't matter he finally got to see her after months.

“ Come take a walk with me, we need to talk.”

She stepped off him and out of her room.

Toya shot up and soon tailed her.

—

Toya couldn't help it

Yes, his girlfriend locked herself in her room for over a month, didn't talk to him or anyone else, barely ate or drank any water, looked like she had not slept a wink in ages, but still she was out and about walking around the town with him.

The scenery was a warm, breezy night. The sky was a dark navy blue but with the help of the stars it shined so bright. The town was quite empty, and silent. The only thing filling it up were the 2 love birds.

Toyas heart was so overjoyed he just kept rambling on and on to the girl walking in front of him.

“So how have you been?”

“Fine.”

“Have you been eating and drinking properly?”

“ enough to pass by.”

“Have you been going over the notes and school work?”

“Yes, thanks for the study guides.”

“Have you been sleeping at all?”

“cant.”

“ What do you think about coming back to practice or school soon?”

“...”

Even by her 2D flat personality change all of a sudden Toya couldn't help but smile like a 7 year old who's getting rewarded.

Toyas about to ask another conversation prompt when all of a sudden the girl who was once walking in front of him stops and whips around.

“Toya.”

“Yes?”

She takes a sharp breath.

“..We need to talk right now.”

“Yes of course, sorry.”

His face turns a shade a pink, realizing he might have gone on with his “run on sentence” a bit too long.

An takes another hitched breath about to say something but the boy beats her too it

“ Listen, I know we may not be able to relate to you but please know we are all here for you to talk when you need a ear, me, Azusawa, Akito, Miku, Len, Meiko..we're all here so please know we can work through this together.. You and me-”

“That's not it!!”

Toyas eyes widen in shock

An’s voice had raised, her voice sounding like she's in an epitome of rage.

Her head is dangled down while her hands are balled up into a fist, her nails are clawing into her skin, enough to make her start bleeding.

“This isn't something any of you can help me with, It's just going to drag you down with me..”

An starts to sob and choke on her words..yet still able to form sentences.

Toya stands there, eyes widened.

“I'm sorry, I really tried to be selfish, even if it meant to drag you down with me to the bottom, If I did that I could still be with you in every moment of my life… yet I can't, not when it comes to you.I just can't be selfish”

“..W-hat do you mean?”

He croaks. Still frozen. Still holding on to the tears forming

“I mean..Goodbye”

His Breathing stopped.

His Heart stopped.

His legs stopped responding to the weight it carried.

His eyes widened even more if it was possible.

..He felt like he just got stabbed in the heart.

“Don't even try to contact me i've blocked you already on everything”

Her back was facing towards him, even with her long beautiful hair which was swaying in the breeze..her star clips taken out. Still he could still see the tears dabble on the concrete.

“I can't have you go down the same path. I will drag you too if you continue to follow me”

She turns back to face him..

He stumbles back

She's smiling with tears strolling down her face.

Her bright and beaming smile he longed to see for so long over the course of these months.

But he knows it might be the last time he sees it.

“I love you”

He didn't hear it.

His ears ringed like crazy, everything was flashing. He could make out the word by watching her lips spell it out for him

Her smile faded as the corner of her lips fell down,

And she ran off.

Then..

Everything went black.

Chapter Text

He refused.

no.

Just, no way..

Would he allow himself or be able to do anything.

He lied in bed.

Again,

He was alone.

Again,

He just lied there.

Stunned.

He hasn't left his room for days, nor eaten, nor drinken, nor moved.

He couldn't process the events that occurred, how could he?

He found what he needed in life and that was her…

She was his shining light, his hope…

But he was useless to her too. How should he feel knowing he couldn't help the girl he loved so dearly in a time where she needed him.

His thoughts were disrupted by a knock on the door and a clatter of something being put down.

He focused on the footsteps walking away then stumbled over to open his door.

There sat a plate of food.

He refused to come out and eat at all for the past week, so ever since someone has been delivering him food.

He never ate it, just started at the food.

He could live another day..

He closed the door, went back to his bed and dozed off to his train of thoughts.

—

To say he was worried was an understatement.

He was frustrated and confused.

“Shinonome-kun? Is everything ok?”

Akito practically jumped out of his pants when his girlfriend's voice broke his train of thought.

“Ah! Sorry, I didn't mean to startle, you just..

You had this scary look on your face. You usually only make it when you're thinking really hard about something.”

The girlfriend made a solemn look on her worried face.

Akito had been walking Kohane back to her house after practice. He didn't like the thought of her wandering somewhere where trouble lurks so he always tailed her when she went somewhere.

“Is it about Aoyagi-kun?”

His eyes widened.

Bullseye.

“I know he didn't come to practice today but i'm sure he caught a cold or something-”

He cuts her off.

“That's not it.”

He stops his trail and looks at the pavement. The girl soon follows, turning her body to look at him.

“He… hasn't been coming to school at all for the past week.”

His fist tightens up. Nails digging into his skin.

“He never misses school.. never less for a week.”

The pigtailed girl lets out a sigh.

“ I'm frustrated. I can't help either of my friends because I don't know how or what's happening to them. If only..”

He takes his hands and covers his face, not wanting for Kohane to see him in such a state.

He hears some light walking and feels a warm touch lower his hands down.

He didn't even need to look up as she was looking right at him.

She beams a smile, and wipes his face with her sleeve..

That's when he noticed he had been crying.

“As much as I would love to help them, they need space to figure this out on their own. I have no idea what happened or what's in store for us and them but I know if we butt into the situation, it will only get messier.”

She takes the gingered haired boy's hand and brings it up to carrese her face, slowly leaning into the palm.

“This is an emotion we can not help but feel as we are powerless to help the situation. But we love both of them dearly and know they will resolve this together with or without us by their side.”

She lied.

This was just as frustrating for her as for him... yet she can't help any of them.

She contemplates An's behavior every minute.

But that's not what or who's she's worried about at the moment.

A single tear ran down her face but he caught it and soon wiped it off,

Her face was still beaming with light.

He brings her into a hug while wrapping his arms around her, And then… he ponders…

He knows Toya and An.

He knows this won't bring them down.

—

He was walking into classes dreading the quiz they had today. He had a feeling he's gonna fail. Kohane had been helping him study but with Toya on his mind her words went in one ear and out the other.

He's within ear shot when he hears that voice thats like nails on a chalkboard to him.

“GOOD MORNING NENE!!!”

Oh god.

He walks into the class seeing the owner of the voice.

Nenes covering her head in her arms rolled up into a ball, Rui and Tsukasa surround her.

Akito didn't want to get a headache before a quiz so he went over to hurry up the extermination process.

“What the hell are you doing in a second year classroom.”

Nene looks up while the 2 third years turn their necks to see an annoyed ginger.

“Oh! Goodmorning Akito didn't see you here!”

The star boy glows a radiant smile across the room, nene makes a disgusted look and goes back to her ball.

“That's because I just walked in, I could hear you from the end of the hall.”

“Oh! You have some nice hearing Akito! But that was due to-”

“I don't care, and never will just get out of the class please everyone's staring.”

“Come on! Don't be like that Akito! We just came to wish Nene good luck on her quiz. We would have gone to see Toya instead but Mizuki told us he's absent today.. ”

Tsukasa's eyebrows furrow, like he notices something is wrong but soon goes back to his smile as he pays no attention to the anomaly.

“So he's not here today either…”

“hm ? Did you say something?”

“No, sorry-”

As soon as one of the troublesome duo shuts up, the other one starts talking.

“Oh! Good Morning Shiraishi!”

What.

Shiraishi?

Akitos eyes bulge out as he slowly turns his body to face where Rui directed his voice at.

And no when and doubt she stood there.

The girl who looked pale as ever gave a half assed wave and sat down at her desk.

“Hmmm, Is it just me or does she look a bit pale today?”

Nene had finally gotten out of her ball to notice her classmates' presents.

“Oh my god”

Akito stood there stunned.

Why is she here?

Where's Toya?

Does he know?

Is she ok now?

He couldn't have cared any less about the quiz or the annoying comedy duo anymore, he needed to get out of there. Stat.

Akito turned his head and dashed out the door and kept moving.

He didn't know where his legs were taking him, but he can't go silent about this. He knew that.

He could hear faint yellings of his name behind him but he kept running.

—

“Pick up please, please, please..”

“Hi! Sorry but you have reached my voicemail! I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible-”

Akito stood in front of Miyamasukazu academy trying his best to reach Kohane.

“Fuck”

He curses under his breath.

He knows he has limited time before he gets kicked out…

“Akito!”

He turns around to see a blonde headed girl rushing towards him. She's panting and clawing at her shirt.

“Sorry! *huff* *huff* I just *cough* saw your- *cough* *pant* messages!”

She's on the verge of her last breath when she speaks.

Akito waits till she gets her breath under control before speaking.

“She's at school.”

She looks up to her boyfriend with her eyes popping out.

“But..what about-”

“He's not there” 

They both stared at each other trying to figure out a solution to the unknown situation they were in.

“I..

I don't know what to do kohane..”

He bites his lip as he feels tears welling up.

Kohane takes small steps than brings her arms up to embraces him,

He returns the gesture by squeezing her back.

“Well I guess it's not bad to interfere a little bit?”

—

*ping*

Another message he could care less about

*ping* *ping* *ping* *ping*

He forgot the reason why he turned his notifications back on.

She said she blocked him and to not reach out.. yet he still had hope.

Toya groans as he rolls to the side to turn on his do not disturb again when the notifications catch his eye.

Akito

-What the hell are you doing, get to school right now!-

-Get up!-

-Toya!-

-Toya dont ignore me -

-TOYA!?-

He shot up in his bed as soon as he read the last message left.

• An’s At school Toya. -

What?

He accidentally click a button when a voicemail started playing

—

“Listen Aoyagi-kun we have no idea what's going on but An’s at school.” 

A stream of voices came out who he could tell by the name calling was from Azusawa. Another voice soon followed up the girls which belonged to the contact name

“Toya get to school, I don't know what's going on but-!”

Toya couldn't listen anymore.

He gets out of bed and gets in his uniform.. then rushes out the house.

…

He had been walking for a while when he started to feel light headed.

It might have been because he hadn't had been exposed to sun shine for the past week, or how he hadn't eaten and barely drank water, whatever it was… it came to bite him back.

He starts to lose his vision, and his thoughts start to not even form sentences.

“Shiraishi”

“Shiraishi”

He only repeated her name. That was his driving force.

Then everything goes out.

“An…”

—

This was her fault.

The reason he was suffering was because of her decision.

An held a bouquet of lilacs while stumbling to the hospital room.

She was lost in thought when she realized she had already reached the room.

She was about to reach the door, but stopped herself to take a deep breath.

“Aoyagi-kun please don't push yourself.”

She stopped her motion and instinctively slapped her hand over her mouth while moving to the side of the door.

“Sorry …”

An could make out the voices which were meant for only the people in the other room to hear. 

This voice belonged to Akito.

“It's fine, I'm sorry for making you guys worry.”

The girl held her breath as she heard the voice of the man she “onced” loved.

She could hold her tears any longer, she just started to sob there.

Her body dragged against the wall till her legs couldn't no longer withstand her weight and she dropped to the floor. 

“It's my fault, I'm sorry for making you two worry. I just went on instinct.”

Feeling helpless, and useless.

She hadn't even noticed 20 minutes had gone by as she just silently cried there, other visitors passing her gave her a glum look but went on their way. 

She hears the door next to her slide open as she sees two of her friends standing there, waving their goodbyes and condolences to the patient.

Kohane was about to say something looking concerned when Akito gave her a look to shut up.

He closed the door behind him to make sure the boy in the other room could not hear them.

“Come with us”

Akito starts to walk while Kohane gives a shocked look but soon follows him, she turns around to An and gives her a dejected look. An couldn't tell from the look alone how the girl felt about her decisions, but she could see the disappointment in it. 

She soon gained the strength to follow the couple outside the hospital,

Not forgetting to lay the bouquet of lilacs in front of his door.

—

The blue haired girl was on the ground again,

But this time it was by an act of force,

And this time.. there was a red slap mark painted across her face.

Her tears stung the wound, but it still didn't stop them from running down.

There was screaming coming from both of her teammates but just subtle silence from her…

Screams of anger and terror mixed together, as well as the cries and sobs from all 3 of them.

“ You think you did it for his well being?”

“Akito, please stop!”

“Did you even think rationally about anything?”

“Akito, calm down!”

“Just because of the situation, it doesn't allow you to go around hurting everyone around you!”

“Akito!!”

“You're being selfish!”

After that one sentence everything seems to have stopped.

Kohanes' words seem to have finally reached Akitos, as he responds by lowering his arms and looking away to wipe his tears.

Kohane cautiously lets go of Akito as he seems to have calmed down.

“He still loves you. He would have given up anything for you.. You shutting him out may have made you the hero for your reasons, but..”

He stops his words..

He doesn't even know if he can reach her anymore, he may have been too late.

Infact,

He doesn't even want to give her the time of day anymore. 

He whispers a single curse then turns around to leave.

An sits there.

She had no words and she looked down in defeat.

Kohane stood there for a second then walked over to her. With no words she puts down a first aid kit she had in her small bag.

Then dashes away to follow the man she came with.

The girl who once sat on the floor, picks up the first aid kit and walks away from the scene.

Still not murmuring a word.

—

An had been walking for a while. She didn't know where she was going, but she had a feeling that her heart was the one leading her there.

As she reached the place she noticed where she was at lightning speed.

It was the park. The park where they would practice together.

An giggles to herself lightly.

She locates a nearby bench out of the corner of her eye and sits down.

She suddenly remembered the first aid kit she was given by her partner and took out the case.

An’s phone was barely living so she went over to a park mirror and fixed herself up.

The mirror was dirty and cracked.

The girl hisses as the disinfecting wipe she was using to clear her wounds touched her rough pale skin. They were stinging them more than her tears did.

She had located multiple bruises on her arms and legs, she made a guess that it was to her getting thrown by a ugly gingered hair boy.

“Not the best way to repay someone who hooked you up with the love of your life” she thought to herself while rolling her eyes.

But who was she to judge?

As she finished up with her bandages, she sat back down at the bench and made a mental note to make sure to pay Kohane back.

The bright blue haired girl wore her casual clothes today but added an extra layer just in case she succumbs to the frigid autumn day. She was quite glad to have taken that precaution at that moment .

The girl leans back to look at the sky. She felt quite nauseated to look up but got used to as she was one to adapt quickly. She admired the bright but dull sky, it was a pretty shade of marron and the moon was peeking out behind the clouds.

She stared at the void for a good few minutes before she felt her swollen eyelids weigh down on her. She decided to lay down on the bench and switched her position. She raised her arm and started to measure the sky. She did that once with Toya when they went stargazing together once.

Her smile soon began to lose its curve as it dropped down. Her hand lowers down on to her eyes and covers them from the contasted sky.

A rush of tears soon began to fill her eyes again.

‘Aaaaahhhhh…”

She heard her voice for the first time today.

It was croaky and much lower pitched than usual.

“I'm so stupid..”

She starts to laugh at herself again, tears still gushing out but still keeping her smile.

“I'm really sorry Toya..

I love you so very dearly”

She sniffles as she closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.

—

“I'm sorry Toya..”

Toya stared at his phone, unable to form words to his listen to the current situation.

He hears muffled sounds and a switch of voices.

“Aoyagi-kun.”

Toya resorts to not saying anything. Saying anything would create more chaos.

“It was a-”

“Where is she?”

“What?”

“Where is she?”

Kohane practically stutters not knowing how to word her answer.

Toya sat straight in the room. The voices from the devices and the patient echoing in the hollow room. Waiting for the answer, he sat there.

“I-.. umh”

“We know shes not home that's why-”

He hung up and jumped out of the bed, he struggled for a sec to get out of the tangled tubes but when he did he darted towards the door.

He soon noticed a bouquet of lilacs sitting in front of his hospital door.

He picks them up lightly while sprinting out of the hospital.

—

An wakes up to feel her fingers numb and her cheeks burning red.

She takes off her arm to realize it's nighttime and the stars are shining bright as ever.

She takes a breath and sees a cloud form and disintegrates right in front of her. She giggles a bit then takes out her phone.

Thousands of messages blow up her phone, she reads each person's contact name…

“Dad…

Kohammy…

Akito..”

She goes on to see all the names.. But.. not his.

She laughs to herself but it was a hollow one.

She wants to start crying again when she hears a familiar voice echo through the park.

“An?”

Her eyes practically pop out,

She slowly turns her head around to see him..

He was panting, trying to catch his breath while still being in his hospital gown. 

He shined brighter than ever in the moonlight.

“Toya!!!”

She starts to dart towards the man standing in front of her while he runs to meet her half way.

The two clash together into a hug while falling to the ground, holding onto each other for dearly life while softly sobbing.

The two didn't need any words to convey what they felt,

They only needed each other to survive.

Toya ran his hand through her long beautiful moon lit hair while placing his hand around her waist making sure to keep her with him. An grips on to his shoulders while wiping her tears on his ugly blueish, white gown.

—

The two now relocated on the bench together.

Toya was sitting up straight while using both his arms to support his body weight from leaning back to look at the night sky. An had laid her head on the boy's lap. Listening to the sounds of their breathing mixed together.

“Toya?”

Toya hums an answer while he looks down to the girl who chirped his name. She had a big smile plastered along her beautiful clear skin.

“Do you remember the first time we came here?”

“How could you not?”

The handsome boy giggles at her silly question.

“This is where I took you for our first date.”

They both lash out a smile and burst out in a laugh together.

Calming down, Toya returns to a solemn look on his face while brushing his hand against the bandage on Ans face.

“Come on! Don't be such a sad baby!”

She cups his hand while guiding it to her heart. She closes her eyes and relishes in their bonded hands.

She starts to humm a similar tune and soon Toya starts to join in to the song.

An couldn't control herself and bursts into a chuckle again. Toya found her laughter to be contagious and he let a smile break out his face .

Toya brought the hands that belonged to the giggling girls to his face and placed a light kiss on them.

The girl gets flustered and stops her laughter, which only causes him to laugh, which triggers a chain reaction.

“Let's do this again.”

“Will there be a next time?”

An looks up at the boy with a grumpy expression.

“Well! I'd certainly like to hope there will be!” 

She adds a sassy tone to imply her annoyance to the boy.

“Of course there will be.

I'm yours and yours only, An Shiraishi.”

He leans down to connect their lips.

As soon as their lips come undone they smirk and crack up together. Not long after, they reconnected their lips.

Not Far away from the couple..

Lied a bouquet of lilacs,

Glimmering in the moonlight beside the once again, 

happy couple.