Chapter Text
Sighing, Shinichi threw the third shirt to the floor and watched his reflection in the mirror, which looked just as pathetic as he felt.
Exhaling loudly, he picked up the first shirt again. It was green and matched his white jeans. Not that he knew much about fashion or even cared about it, but Ran had been strict when telling him to look decent today.
If he was honest, he couldn't deny that he had neglected himself these last few weeks, even though it should be the happiest time of his life. He had finally taken down the Black Organization, Haibara had made an antidote, and he had gotten his old body and life back — his old life without Kaitou KID.
Shinichi groaned and flopped down on the bed behind him, the mattress bouncing beneath his weight — the weight of a fully grown adult. It wasn't like he had ever had a life with Kaitou KID. Not really, at least. True, the Phantom Thief had helped him to take down the Black Organization, and they had gotten along quite well as they'd spent hours together planning their next step, entrusted their backs to each other on the battlefield, and looked out for each other with little mundane things like reminding each other to sleep, drink, and eat.
But all in all, they had never shared a life — at least not in the way Shinichi recently had realized he wanted to.
With another groan, he turned around on the bed and buried his face in the pillow. It didn't smell freshly washed, and Shinichi realized he needed to get his shit together to do the laundry soon. The pillow muffled a frustrated scream that left his throat and had nothing to do with doing or not doing laundry. What was he even thinking about? It was too soon to think about a life together with KID. They weren't even dating. They hadn't even met with their real identities. They hadn't even confessed their love to each other.
Well, Shinichi had confessed his feelings.
"I love you," he had blurted out without thinking. At least, he could pride himself upon being the only one who had made KID lose his poker face — if only for a split second. Seriously, KID had looked so shocked as they had stood together on that rooftop.
Shinichi huffed. Who wouldn't be shocked when a grade-schooler suddenly blurted out such a confession with all his sincerity? At least KID knew that Conan was only Shinichi's alter ego and that he was actually an adult by now. But back then, on the day they had taken down the Organization, the day they had last seen each other, the day Shinichi had confessed his feelings — well, back then, Shinichi had still been trapped inside a child's body.
Shinichi still remembered what KID had said after recovering from the initial shock.
"Meitantei, I can't just—" he had cleared his throat. "How do you expect this to work? You don't even know the real me." There had been a sad glimmer in his eyes. "Almost no one knows the real me — a mix of Kaitou KID's personality and the person I pretend to be when I'm not Kaitou KID, desperately trying not to let anything slip through that could be connected to me being KID."
Shinichi had reassured him that he knew that feeling — that after being Conan for so long, Shinichi had also changed. He wouldn't be the same guy he used to be two years ago before his body had shrunk, wouldn't be able to drop all the character traits he had taken on to adapt to his new younger age but had soon internalized —no matter how childish they may be— wouldn't be able to keep pretending to be someone who he wasn't. Because that hurt. It hurt him and everyone close to him. And he had been sick and tired of that for so long.
KID hadn't replied with words, but the vulnerable glimmer in his beautiful blue eyes had said it all. He was feeling the same way. He was sick and tired of playing a role, was tired of constantly being on guard, and was tired of being lonely because he had to keep people at arm's length if he didn't intend to hurt them.
"I know it involves a lot of risk to entrust yourself to someone else," Shinichi had yelled with Conan's high-pitched, childish voice, "especially in your case, KID. But please! You can trust me! This isn't any weird trick to catch you and hand you over to the police."
"I know, Meitantei," KID had replied with a chuckle. It had been quiet and weak, but it had still made Shinichi's heart beat faster. "We are way beyond that. I do trust you. You had more than enough chances to remove my mask or catch me during these last weeks."
"But I didn't do it!" Shinichi had confirmed. "Because being with you is more important than letting the police catch Kaitou KID."
A loud laughter reverberated through the silence of the night. This time, it had been sincere, and Shinichi had felt his cheeks heating up. He loved that carefree laugh. He wished to hear it every day, every night, forever.
"I've been a bad influence on you, Meitantei."
"I don't care." Shinichi had shaken his head. "I love you, KID."
"Since when do you even look at men?" KID had averted his eyes as if he was afraid of Shinichi's reply. "What about that girl of yours?"
"I don't care about men or women or whatever gender," Shinichi had confessed. "Ran and I are just friends. I've made her wait too long, and she has moved on. And I've realized she is more like a big sister to me." He didn't know if that was because he had lived by her side as Conan for two years. "But between you and me, KID — there is something special. I have felt it during these last weeks. And haven't you felt it, too? I don't have any proof, but I'm certain my deduction is correct. You have the same feelings as I do."
"Presumptuous of you to say if you don't even have proof," KID had said, but he had turned around, hidden his face, and concealed his expression, which probably told a different story than his words.
"KID, please," Shinichi had begged him. "You don't have to give me an answer now, but please believe me: My feelings are sincere! I can wait for you. Take your time to think about this, and then reach out to me."
"Meitantei," KID had turned around again to look at him with a pitiful expression. "Today marks the last day of Kaitou KID's existence. With the fall of the Black Organization, I have reached my goal: I've finally lured out these people, and they have been captured. That marks the end. After today, Kaitou KID will vanish forever. You're in love with a dead man, Meitantei."
"No," Shinichi had replied resolutely, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from the corners of his eyes. "You'll forever live on—" trembling, he had put a hand on his chest "—inside my heart." He took a deep breath as he watched KID stepping onto the railing, readying his hang-glider. "Give me a chance, give us a chance, give these feelings a chance!"
"I'll always give you a chance, but I'm afraid we are just trapped in the moment, Meitantei," KID had explained but sounded as if he didn't want to believe his own words. "We've worked closely together these last few days, and many things will change from now on. So, we're trying to stick to something familiar because humans are always afraid of change. I'll give us a chance to adapt to whatever life has in store for us starting tomorrow. And if you don't change your mind, and I—" his voice had cracked towards the end, and he had bitten down on his trembling bottom lip, tilting his head to hide his expression in the shadows.
"Then you'll give these feelings a chance?" Shinichi had asked, hopefully.
Unfortunately, at that moment, the police had arrived at the rooftop, causing KID to jump off the building and fly away with his hang-glider. Shinichi had replayed the scene in his mind every day since then, trying to remember if KID had nodded right there at the end or if it had only been Shinichi's wishful thinking. But whatever it was, Shinichi could do nothing but wait now. He had no idea how to contact KID —he couldn't exactly file a missing person report out of love— had no idea where to find him, had no idea what KID was doing, what he looked like, or even what his name was. Shinichi was celebrated as the best young detective alive in newspapers, TV shows, and social media alike but couldn't even solve the case of one missing person — the person his heart missed so much that it hurt.
"Shinichi!" Ran yelled from outside after the doorbell rang. "How much longer are you going to make me wait?"
Apparently, Shinichi had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard her before. Taking a deep breath, he jumped up from the bed, dropped the green shirt, and decided to wear the dark blue shirt instead. He had made the decision on a whim, and it had nothing to do with the fact that the color reminded him of KID's signature dark blue dress shirt — at least, he tried to convince himself it had nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, he was a detective, and the evidence spoke otherwise.
Groaning, he willed back his thoughts, annoyed that his brain fought against him, and ran to the front door.
He really wasn't in the mood to go out. He had been hiding inside his house for days, moping, crying, and then moping again. But Ran, the Detective Boys, and even Haibara had been worried about him, and he could only reject so many invitations before he ran out of excuses.
And so, he left the house for the first time this week, even though it was already Saturday.