Chapter Text
Mike is bringing some files he proofed to Harvey’s office, when the man suddenly says: “Jessica knows Top Gun.”
“What?” Mike replies, unsure what brought this on.
“She quoted Top Gun at me,” Harvey tells him. “Top Gun,” he repeats for emphasis.
“That’s not a very Jessica movie,” Mike agrees.
“No, it’s all war and planes and guns,” Harvey says.
“And the hot volleyball scene,” Mike adds, before his brain can think any better of it.
“Fuck yes,” Harvey says, just as Mike goes: “Ignore that.”
Then it registers and Mike exclaims: “What?” Right as Harvey looks over at Donna’s empty desk with wide scared eyes, while hissing: “You can’t tell anyone.”
Mike’s brain quickly runs through what this all means. He has accidentally let it slip to Harvey that he isn’t straight, but Harvey isn’t mad. Harvey is agreeing with him. Harvey isn’t straight. Oh my god, Harvey isn’t straight and Harvey never told anyone. Not even…
“Donna doesn’t know?” he whisper-yells, voice still a bit strangled from all the knowledge he has just gained.
“No knows. Mike, you have to promise not to tell anyone,” Harvey has gotten out of his seat and is gripping Mike’s shoulder, shaking him slightly.
And Mike finally notices how scared Harvey looks, how utterly terrified he is.
It suddenly hits Mike that there is a reason no one knows, that Harvey is afraid of what it means to be out, the risk to his reputation if anyone ever did. He recalls how scared he had been in high school, when he figured it out himself. How Jenny had accidentally outed him to Trevor and how scary that had been. The relief when Trevor was cool.
“Of course I won’t tell,” he immediately assures Harvey, whose shoulders slump in relief as he drops back into his chair, even if he eyes Mike with a bit of suspicion. “I promise,” Mike adds. “I won’t do that to you, never. It’s fucking terrifying, I’m not putting you through that.”
“It happened to you?” Harvey asks softly, like he isn’t sure he’s allowed to ask, which is so out of place on him that Mike has to blink for a second.
“Yeah,” he replies after a swallow. “Told Jenny about it. Turns out she’s not a very tight lipped drunk. It’s how Trevor found out I’m bi. He’s cool with it, luckily, but I will never forget that grip of fear.”
Harvey nods in return and they fall silent for a moment.
Then Mike’s curiosity wins out and he slowly says: “You don’t have to answer, but, uhm, all the women, are they a cover? Or…”
“I’m also- also,” Harvey struggles with saying it and Mike feels bad for his boss, who is more a friend and who never got to be himself, never allowed himself to admit it. “I’m also that.”
“Bi?” Mike asks, encouragingly and Harvey nods. He smiles: “That’s cool. Thank you for trusting me with that.”
Harvey huff and rolls his eyes as he looks away, but there is a shine in them that tells Mike the man is happy to hear Mike say that. But he isn’t going to comment on that, especially not in the middle of the office. Now is not the time to push.
From the corner of his eye, he sees Donna approach her desk again, so he quickly says: “If you ever wanna talk, call me. You have a sweet place, good beer too probably. I don’t mind. Now I have a pile of Louis’ work I need to get through.”
He has timed it perfectly, so Donna only hears the last bit about Louis and Harvey can’t turn him down without her thinking something is off. Harvey glares at him, which could be about him doing work for Louis. He hisses: “Traitor,” but lets him go.
Mike doesn’t expect to hear from Harvey about it again. The man pretends the whole thing never happened and they go on like they always have. Mike doesn’t mind. It’s a secret Harvey has kept for years, if he doesn’t want to share, then he is more than welcome to. It’s none of Mike’s business, so he drops it.
Still, his mind can’t help but replay the scared look in Harvey’s eyes over and over again. Can’t help but think of the fear, the way Harvey denies himself this. Harvey never denies himself anything. It’s what makes him Harvey.
However, Mike desperately wants to do something, but he knows better than to push on this front, so he lets it go. He hates it, but he does.
What Mike hadn’t seen coming, is Harvey suddenly texting him: Is the offer about talking about the thing still there? I have good beer.
For a seconds he blinks dumbly, then he smiles. Harvey is actually reaching out. To him. He takes a moment to freak out, before casually texting back: course, rn alright?
I’ll tell the doorman to let you through , comes the immediate reply and Mike is on his bike before he knows it.
He doesn’t know what to expect when he arrives, but true to word the doorman waves him through into a private elevator that will take him to Harvey’s apartment. When the door dings open, it is to reveal Harvey sitting on the couch with a scotch in his hand, head in the other, staring out of the window.
Harvey doesn’t look up as he enters, but Mike doesn’t let that deter him. He gently sits down next to the other and asks: “You okay?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah,” Harvey answers absentmindedly in a way that tells Mike that he isn’t.
However, he expected this to not be easy, so he prods: “Something on your mind?”
Now Harvey looks a little more present, which Mike is grateful for, though he’s less grateful for the tenseness in his shoulders that comes with it. Harvey puffs out a breath, before he frowns: “How did- how did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Be comfortable with yourself?”
The question is fucking heartbreaking and Mike doesn’t know how he ended up here. Harvey is a fucking hardass, who he loves, but also wants to strangle on a daily basis. He’s confident, he’s a swarmy ass. He’s everything that shouldn’t be this. Yet he is, because that’s the world they live in, especially the world Harvey lives in.
Upper class is elitist and bigoted. If Mike actually went to law school, he might not be so comfortable as he is now and he knows it. It’s part of the reason he keeps it private at work, he knows what he has to pass in and Harvey does too, he just never had the luxury of a comfortable place outside of law.
But that’s not a good answer to give. Not one that will be helpful, quite the opposite in fact. He can’t tell Harvey that it was just luck and not give him any hope. Besides, it hasn’t been easy for Mike either with the religious background he’s from.
So, he takes a moment, then answers: “Time and practice, if I’m honest.”
“Time and practice?” Harvey repeats, a familiar skeptic tone creeping into his voice. Mike is glad to see he’s feeling more like himself, besides the judgment.
“Yup,” he says, popping the p to be annoying. “You gotta commit yourself to wanting to get there and then consistently push yourself outside your comfort zone until you get there. It kind of sucks, the whole thing, but once you do it, it’s nice.”
“That sounds horrendous,” Harvey tells him, his lip curling with disgust, but Mike knows him better than that and also sees the glint of want in his eyes.
Thus, he just gives Harvey a grin and cheerfully informs him: “It is. Wanna try?”
Harvey is quiet for a moment and Mike doesn’t push, afraid he might have gone too far, though he has gotten better at closing deals. Then, Harvey sags a little as he gives in and sighs, before he softly admits “Yeah, I do.”
Knowing this isn’t the time for a joke, but also not too many emotions, Mike pats his shoulder a few times as he says: “That’s a good start, dude.”
“Don’t call me dude,” Harvey scowls, but Mike is glad to see him relax slightly at the easy routine he can fall into.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, old man,” Mike jabs back, before he claps his hands and says: “Okay, I won’t throw you in the deep end and take you clubbing.”
“Small mercies,” Harvey comments dryly, which is ignored by Mike.
“However, we are watching Top Gun right now and we’re watching it to ogle,” Mike informs him in a tone that doesn’t leave room to argue. “Now, you promised me beer, I’m going to find it, you pull up the movie,” then disappears before Harvey can try and wiggle out of it.
When he gets back, Harvey is waiting with the movie, looking a bit unsure as he sits there. From his reaction in the office, Mike has gathered this won’t be easy, but he notes down to be extra careful with Harvey. Despite most of his personality pointing to the opposite, Harvey is a fragile man. At least right now.
However, Harvey won’t let anyone treat him as fragile, so Mike can’t let him know that he noticed any weaknesses. So, he casually plops down next to Harvey on the couch and hands him a beer, before informing him that he is going to be insufferable throughout the whole movie.
At that, Harvey snorts and rolls his eyes. Good. He might not be taking Mike’s threat seriously, but he’s relaxing again.
And yeah, it was a threat. Mike is an equal opportunities kind of guy, but spending much time in male dominated areas has given him an appreciation for them. And – seeing that he often has to keep it quiet – he lets that appreciation be known when such an opportunity arises.
It’s nothing too inappropriate. Harvey is still also his boss, despite all that is shared between them, both secrets and friendships. Certain boundaries must be maintained. However, he comments on shirtless Mavrick and Goose and Ice and, well, all of them basically.
Th roughout it all, Harvey stays quiet.
Mike never really expected him to speak up. Not yet. He might know it about himself and accidentally let something slip, but he’s still too in his head to openly talk about it, even when it’s just Mike in the room.
Still, Harvey looses tension as they watch and Mike catches him nodding along to his comments at one point, which is a huge win. It’s all baby steps. They’ll get there.
~
This was then going to be their friendship developing as Mike slowly gets Harvey into queer culture and introduces him to like friends and stuff as Harvey grew into himself and more comfortable with his identity.
And then I was gonna give Harvey a boyfriend and he’s like the best and sweet and caring and it would end with a company thingy and Harvey bringing his boyfriend as a date. Donna was going to punch a homophobe and it would be glorious. Alas, no motivation anymore :/