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ness knows what's said behind his back. ness knows that everyone thinks that he's oblivious to how unhealthy his relationship with kaiser is. but no he knows, all too well that kaiser considers him his toy, a tool to take passes from and turn them into goals. truth be told, in the beginning ness was honored to help someone as talented as kaiser. someone as determined and focused on their goals and ideals as kaiser was, he was someone who you had no choice but to respect no matter what you think of him you cannot deny his talent. ness always has and always will admire kaiser. maybe it's a bit more than just admiration but that's not an issue. as long as he feels he can be useful to kaiser's type of football he'll be content. as long as he is the only one able to keep up with him. as long as kaiser keeps his eyes on ness.
and it stayed that way for a while, ness would accept any kind of treatment from kaiser but kaiser treated him pleasantly. for the most part anyway. but then came blue lock. and along with that came isagi yoichi, you know at first ness thought that maybe just maybe this would give kaiser more opportunities for goals! but oh was he wrong. the entirety of blue lock was based around a selfish style of egoistic football. no matter what ness did isagi would not pass to kaiser. it pissed him off and well it pissed kaiser off much more. so much that he started shifting his focus completely onto destroying isagi yoichi and usually ness wouldn't mind that. but it's butting into his time with kaiser, it's starting to make him envious?.. of isagi for having all of kaiser's attention. He keeps attempting to crush isagi and he almost does but fails. It was like no matter what kaiser did he would never reach crushing isagi and since it bothered kaiser it bothered ness, it was becoming the only thing he thinks about recently, he’d wonder why kaiser seems so much more interested in yoichi than he was ness, what did the blue lock players have that he did not? Why were they so much more interesting in kaiser’s eyes? What could ness do to make it stop? Not much apparently. in fact the more he thought about it the worse he’d feel. but it was the only thing that kept invading his mind. It made him pay attention to all the smaller details. Some of the players were so much bigger than him, especially that one player. kunigami?
he was very distant to say the least, If we’re comparing him to the other blue lock players that is. he always had this grim aura around him that made ness curious. But looking at other player’s talents and bodies didn’t only make ness receive weird looks.
it made him feel unhappy with his physique, It’s not that ness is weak no. quite the contrary. but it always seemed like no matter what he would do he would always look lean. he’d never bulk up like he wanted to, and his hands were always too feminine for his liking. it never bothered him much but compared it to other player’s hands. he felt that he should cover them up. once even a modeling company asked him to be a hand model but he didn’t really enjoy it. alexis starts wearing gloves outside of training and games. they were warm and comforting, it reminded him of when he was a kid and how his hands would never withstand the cold snow. it wasn’t an unwelcome reminder. alexis misses his childhood. It was much simpler to play football because he enjoyed it. the only worry that would be on his mind is if he would be able to finish his homework on time to be able to watch the new episode of maya the bee that was airing before bed. ah it was happening again. he was thinking too much instead of sleeping yet again, it’s become a bit of a habit he doesn't know if he enjoys it or not. It entirely depends on his mood during the day. he was glad he was alone in his room. all his mumbling would surely piss off any roomate. he never had the time to think in the day, it was always too hectic and his focus had to be on kaiser. It was the little moments like these that would make him relax. ness isn't a particularly social person. although everyone else thought that ness was extroverted it wasn’t the whole truth. ness is quite the people pleaser and that's what brings him to be more social. albeit his favorite person was kaiser. even if he just used ness like a tool. It somehow made him feel happy being used like that. He was starting to think about it too much now it would be delusional of alexis to think. that if he brought it up with kaiser. he’d fix it. it was an awful delusion. he really wanted to have the adoration he has for kaiser returned, alexis’s mind suddenly emptied his eyelids heavy. his sheets were so soft he could feel himself melting into a deep sleep.
alexis woke up to the usual commotion from the bastard munchen dorms, he despised early mornings. he was still a bit tired he did stay up last night, and he got up for breakfast it seemed that kaiser was nowhere in sight and alexis didn't feel like getting social with the rest of the team this early, the room was filled with chatter it seemed everyone was having fun with one another, he truly would be okay with it if all the noises didn’t make the room seem smaller. and more compressed. he had seen kaiser only yesterday but he misses him already. everything's better with kaiser around. it's more meaningful and memorable. seeing him smile while talking about his plans, alexis always made sure to work hard while training or passing. to make kaiser proud of course. that’s all he wanted, he knew his feelings were not mutual. but he’ll be okay. he’s alexis' ness after all. he would never admit how it was slowly eating him up inside, he will never be enough for kaiser and all that he could do about it is hope. hope that by some miracle things change.
Alexis wore his gloves despite being done with training and showering.. He even tried to lift more than half his weight, and it was a struggle as he felt his muscles giving up at the peer pressure and power pushing his arms down. He was pretty sure they’d fall and he’d be stuck until, the windswept ginger haired boy from blue lock lifted it with ease, “you aren't eating your weight, you won’t be able to lift that in weeks if not months, plus the team has plenty physical players shouldn’t you focus on your ankles and talent? You’re built enough.” he said somewhat irritated, “get off the bench press and work on your..scoring” Kunigami said looking away, Alexis felt like he knew this tone, it was familiar it reminded him yet again of his childhood.. When his father would scold him for getting injured while practicing a risky move. It was stern yet very gentle, he must’ve thought that Kunigami had left because he mumbled “dad..” but then the atmosphere changed and Alexis flushed in embarrassment Kunigami was so calm before that Alexis thought he left.. He looked up at Kunigami’s face to see his reaction. His eyes were wide and his mouth was agape but then he snorted and nudged Alexis playfully. Before ruffling his silky tinted hair “Go practice what would actually benefit you magician” and Alexis scurried away in embarrassment.
Alexis kept his gloves on the entire time. Yukimiya a blue lock player asked him if those were the ones he used for training “I have no problems with peculiar style choices but if they are that is quite unhygienic don't you think?” Alexis informed him that they were not gloves he used for training and Yukimiya seemed satisfied with that answer. And left Alexis alone for the rest of the night, he didn't see Kaiser until after dinner. He seemed to be focused and lost in thought he definitely wanted to be left alone though.. And Alexis would rather quit football than upset kaiser.
He decided to train, some blue lock members were near him and they were discussing Kunigami! He couldn't help but listen in but when they looked at him to check if he was listening he pretended to be listening to music and yawned, they took that as a “eh he’s not listening why would he care but did end up changing the subject…
Alexis was getting bored of this routine and these past few days Kaiser has been unapproachable. He’d train alone, Eat alone. And then go back to his room alone.. Alexis missed him a lot, it was so much more fun, mainly because they’d focus on each other but now he was feeling lonely.. And not in the way he likes to feel lonely. He hated having to fight for anyone’s attention and that meant he hated trying to force Kaiser into speaking with him or any of the blue lock players, Itoshi sae’s Brother has been passing by the bastard munchen dorms more frequently usually to see isagi, Alexis envied them, a while ago him and kaiser were also that close.. But then he set distance between them, unclear boundaries that Alexis never wanted to accidentally cross. Sometimes he’d even find himself agitated by the clear distance he has no idea what to do about it. Alexis realized he zoned out when out of the corner of his eyes. The rest of the team had left. He had been running on the treadmill aimlessly for an hour or two now and he didn’t even realize it, so he showered and went back to his room. He messed around with his uniform undoing his shoe-laces just to redo them, cheap gimmicks to pass the time.. This feels like a chore to him. He hates this feeling. He wants it— no. He needs it to stop. He hated having to pause his life just because his Kaiser was avoiding him. He felt horrible. Desperate he would do anything to escape this current situation.. is it even okay? to feel this way. He hates it when his routine is broken. He felt it coming up again.. the thoughts of isagi and Kaiser being better than him together. in a way he wishes he could insert himself in that fantasy but he knows that's far from possible. in a way Alexis is the one not making it possible for himself.. he can be his own enemy sometimes. how'd he even get so fixated on Kaiser? It's a question he's been asked before and he always changes the subject when asked.. because in actuality it was a question he barely knew the answer to. He viewed Kaiser as his hero. his savior. He'd do anything to please him, in a way pleasing him became like an addiction. a coping mechanism. it used to be such a clear relationship. As long as Alexis gave Kaiser the best course to goal, Kaiser would only focus on him. how'd it get so complicated and messy? To be fair, lines started to blur when Alexis served Kaiser off the field too and Kaiser would exchange half hearted praises in return for Alexis's service. Alexis just wanted this to be over already. Being patient was getting hard, he just wanted to speak to kaiser.. What if he couldn't find his handkerchief? or his glasses? Alexis hated this helplessness; he wishes he could do something.
—
Michael was in a mood to say the least. No matter what he did, that kid always found a way to beat him, it was like everytime he thought he had torn yoichi's ego down he'd rebuild it and reinforce it. He's been so focused on training the days are a blur ending just as they begin. no one dared to break him from this trance, but he did start to notice. grim would sometimes ask him if he and ness were alright.. because somehow Grim thought they got into "argument" as if, Alexis would never argue with Michael but it did bring something into Michaels attention. He's been neglecting Ness for quite some time, there was no particular reason he just didn't feel like striking up a conversation, but Michael knows he can't keep this up for too long, he can't lose Alexis's loyalty yet. it would make goaling more difficult. and what if he loses his mind and decides to join yoichi? He needs to speak to him soon. make it seem natural, he even watched blue lock tv reruns in order to see what Alexis has been doing these past few days, it looks like he's just been training a lot more, he hasn't been speaking with anyone but two blue lock members did talk to him but blue lock tv didn't catch the audio. Now Michael needed to know what they were talking about, especially since it's yukimiya and kunigami. Those two have been shining with their own goals taking the spotlight away from Michael. They'd be great if they weren't with the clown of Michael's story. their morals and ideology were scummy not to say Michael doesn't hold those same values. while rewinding once more he saw the kunigami ruffle Alexis ' hair and it broke his train of thought. He paused and stared at the moment. Alexis looked as docile as ever. and there was Rensuke. looking as dogmatic as ever, Michael sighed, with this discovery he's going to have to speed up his conversation with Alexis. it's true that it would be awkward but it's nothing Michael can't handle but he cannot help but think, how would Rensuke improve with Alexis's passing? He was quite the hard worker so he'd adapt quickly. He cannot have that happen, not as long as he and Alexis are in the same team. Michael abandoned his drink and got up. He's going to need to prepare to appear in Alexis's life again. as naturally as possible.
—
Alexis was sitting down finishing his dinner, the majority of bastard munchen had already finished up and left, it was as empty as ever but he wasn't paying attention he was tossing and turning his food using his fork and he was lost in thought, until he saw a familiar face come into view. Michael's Familiar blonde hair and blue gradient came into view. he sat across from him looking at Alexis. for a brief moment Alexis thought he was hallucinating, until Michael hummed and spoke in a tone of voice Alexis couldn't decipher "Alexis~ it's been a while has it not? I've missed you" Michael grinned Alexis looked morose. but he replied "you've been the one avoiding me..m- kaiser." Alexis stammered. Michael's expression dimmed "oh Alexis, don't be so sensitive. you know i never meant it like that, I'd never treat you like that you know?" he began and Alexis felt his leg shake and he rubbed his fingertips together, "you're imagining things Alexis, I've simply been busy—" Michael noticed Alexis's body language change. "Calm down. don't take it the wrong way.—" when Alexis's legs didn't stop shaking, he started swallowing his own saliva excessively and he looked like he was about to run away. Michael couldn't have that. "Okay how about we just move on? doesn't that sound good?" Alexis nodded cautiously and he looked tense. "So, I've noticed you started training more? any particular reason?" Michael asked clearly, searching for a specific answer. "uh it's just to pass the time?" Alexis answered not wanting to screw up whatever Michael had planned, he seemed satisfied with that answer but then Michael started really. looking at Alexis, he had finished training ages ago why was he still wearing his gloves? actually. they weren't his training gloves they were completely different, when Michael took too long to speak he heard Alexis clear his throat as if to cut the tension. "Ah, sorry, I noticed you're still in your gloves, care to tell me why?" Michael asked interested, and Alexis looked down, unable to look Michael in the eye, "It's err— nothing serious, you don't have to worry about it Mi– Kaiser… Sorry" Alexis keeps almost calling Michael by his first name. not that he didn't, usually he would but he doesn't know what's between them at this point. Michael bit the inside of his cheek, "Alexis just call me Michael like you always do, I swear you take things too seriously..you can be a buzzkill sometimes" Alexis gripped his elbow in response. "S..Sorry.." he stuttered letting out a fake laugh, he felt unsure of how to react in this situation.
Michael insisted "I still wanna know why you're wearing your gloves. if it's nothing serious you won't mind telling me." Michael gazed at Alexis. Alexis on the other hand felt so small under Michaels gaze. "Uhm it's stupid really.." Alexis started and looked at Michael for reassurance to go on. Michael kept his hands under his chin and nodded, Alexis sighed as he knew he probably had no choice but to continue, Michael can be very persistent when he wanted to be. he tried to stall but Michael looked him dead in the eye, "Well… it's because i don't know.. i find my hands too feminine compared to other players' hands.." and Michael almost laughed, Alexis has to be joking right? That’s such a stupid thing to pay attention to, “Are you being serious Alexis? That’s nonsense, your hands are fine..” Alexis looked down and away, he didn't want to face Michael right now. Michael on the other hand took Alexis's arm and slid his hand all the way down til he met Alexis's gloved hand. "Alexis.. May I?.. try something?.." he asked, waiting for a reply, he only got a hesitant nod, and he slowly slid Alexis's glove off, and brought his head down and slowly kissed Alexis's hand. He could feel Alexis Tense but he softened back again. the atmosphere changed from tense with dread to a much warmer atmosphere. a more comfortable one. Micheal traced the kisses all around Alexis's palm, and then one last one on the inside of his wrist. he stole a glance at Alexis to find him flustered and looking away his cheeks dusted with a soft pink color. "Never say such a thing about your hands Alexis~ they're a part of you, a part you should value and I hope what I just did added to that value.." Michael said smiling holding Alexis's ungloved hand as the other gloved one laid still on the table between them now. Michael intertwined his free hand with Alexis’s gloved hand and gave Alexis a wink, they sat there, in silence for a while, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was a sweet silence. Alexis doesn’t want this moment to end, Michael is so warm..his gaze is fixed on Alexis and his smile is warm,Michael was doing this for one reason. He wanted to elicit the best of Alexis’s passing, Michael abruptly got up and left with a wave.. Alexis sat there. He put his glove back on and went back to his dorm. He has a lot more to think about..
—
Alexis sat on his bed, His thoughts were rapidly escalating, they went from good to bad to worse to better. Could Alexis’s feelings be returned? Or was he just being too optimistic ? Yet Alexis didn't seem to mind too much, no matter what Michael intended to imply Alexis was ecstatic, he felt like his happiness could bubble up and leak. Michael shared a special moment with him. He felt so special! Michael did it willingly! And he ever cared about Alexis’s comfort! Alexis was filled with glee as he laid awake in bed. In the dark. He was warm all over from the blanket that covered him from the outside and from his exuberant rush of emotions. He couldn't fathom how Michael basically rescued him from his aimless living and training, All Alexis could feel towards him was immense care and admiration, he always admired Michael no matter what he was doing, he always did it gracefully and it had alexis immersed in this trance of intense love, he loved Michael he couldn’t deny it. He is devoted. And he wouldn't have it any other way. Alexis drifted into sleep. Hoping to wake up to more special moments that’ll fill him with pure joy.
—
Michael doesn’t know why he felt the need to do that, he wasn’t thinking he just did it. It was stupid he shouldn’t be thinking about it, Alexis was simply his tool,a pathway to Michael’s goals. Michael tries to treat Alexis like he treats everyone else, but he really trusts Alexis, not that he’d ever admit it. He liked Alexis’s pure awe when watching Michael's goals, but sometimes Alexis just says the wrong things at the wrong time and Michael finds it hard to hold back, In a way he hated hurting Alexis but he found it necessary. If he didn’t give Alexis a reason to stay alert Michael could find himself admiring Alexis' soft hair, or how big Alexis’s doe eyes were. They were captivating. That's why if Michael didn’t distance himself from Alexis every now and then. He’d get caught staring. He most of all did not want Alexis to know that he was secretly weak for him, he still denied it but he knows that he’d do a lot for Alexis. But he’d rather keep that to himself, keep things professional. He knows a relationship with Alexis wouldn’t be ideal, it wouldn’t meet Michael’s strong ideals for any relationship he wants himself or Alexis in. He'll keep doing things his way,who’s to say Alexis wants to be with him like that anyway? That whole thing about kissing Alexis’s hand. His skin was very soft and warm. Michael almost didn’t want to stop. But he was glad he left before it became too much.
Michael eventually got tired and prepared for bed, he usually got by with minimal sleep to make time for training and analyzing other player’s plays, his body had adapted to the lesser amount of sleep in no time.
—
Alexis woke up happier than usual, what happened last night still fresh in his thoughts. He couldn't wipe the grin off his face. He still somehow felt Michaels soft lips on his hands and he was giddy the entire day, it was a drastic change from how he was a few days ago. that Kurona kid from blue lock seemed really shocked about it, he even talked to his friends about it, of course Alexis pretended to not hear them but he knows. he'll always know what others say about him. It's the perk of being so observant. Alexis glanced around looking for any tell tale signs of Michael, He adored him. Michael was always there for Alexis when he needed him to be, He’d comfort him. Even if it was in his own demented way, He always knew how to keep Alexis coming back for more. Keeping Alexis yearning for more of his praise. It was almost as if he was developing an insatiable hunger for it. He no longer wanted but he needed. Michael’s approval, and he wouldn’t have any other way. It’s the perfect balance for them. Although no matter how much Alexis denies it He knows deep down inside that He is just useful for Michael. Merely someone who hasn’t become a hassle weighing Michael down. And he hopes to never live to see the day where Michael leaves him, discards him like anyone else. He wants so badly to be special to Michael. One could say that it’s his only wish.
alexis sat down tying his shoelaces, honestly this was quite obvious information to him but apparently it wasn’t as obvious as he thought, they had just finished their latest match and the goalkeeper, gagamaru. walked over to alexis, he had a finger in his nose and he looked zoned out, “you like did great ness it’s a shame that blondie is using you, you have like great potential” he spoke like he didn’t have a care in the world, alexis was irritated fast. how could he assume something like that?! “you don’t know what you’re talking about..” he replied, he didn't want his day ruined by such an interaction. he couldn't do that to himself after he finally had his energy returned to him, after michael finally acknowledged him. he couldn't and he won't. alexis bickered with gagamaru about how wrong he was, unaware of his surroundings, for once he was lost in a moment of agitation.
michael was on his way to find alexis and have them train together. until he overhead what seemed to be a one-sided argument. gagamaru seemed to be disinterested as alexis was whisper-yelling at him, about michael himself? michael could no longer ignore it when he heard gagamaru say “jeez alright if you don’t want the truth i won’t tell you about kaiser using you” alexis seemed to calm down after that, or did he? michael had completely tuned everything out after what gagamaru said. using alexis? that’s what he was doing.. why does it suddenly sound so wrong to him when others say it? what is this feeling growing in his gut? was it disgust at the idea of it? or was it guilt? guilt? why would he feel guilty? was it because alexis was defending him so strongly? he felt pangs of guilt grow all around his body til he felt consumed in contrition, but for what? why does he feel like this? what exactly was his fault? was he really doing any wrong if alexis was being used voluntarily? was it really time to have a moral debate right now? right outside the changing room? michael quickly headed to the training room, he could delay thinking about this and put his energy into training instead.
michael now sat on his bed staring at his ceiling as he fully processed what he felt earlier, he slowly regretted not pushing the feeling deep down inside til it barely existed, he felt uneasy as he thought back wondering how he could’ve wronged alexis, looking back it seems obvious. he kept alexis coming back to him for more, kept taking his frustrations out on alexis when things would go wrong. but was that really so wrong? okay maybe he should appreciate alexis more, after all he wouldn’t be here without him. god now michael felt ashamed for thinking it was okay. he needed to apologize— to bring it up somehow to show remorse, how bad he actually felt. michael could feel the sweat pooling on his forehead as he quickly wiped it away, he shouldn’t feel nervous he’s michael kaiser. obviously it’ll go well, it was his alexis. he suddenly felt so aware of the sheets that were under him. they were too hot, itchy, messy. the sweat around his body, he can somehow hear the buzzing of the lights outside his dorm, he could feel every sense of his heighten and he had no control over it. he felt like he was trapped in that very moment, trapped in an everinclosing room of guilt and shame. he can’t get a wink of sleep, no matter how tight he shuts his eyes, it’s never enough to shatter his train of thought. he would somehow see alexis’s face when he closed his eyes, but he couldn’t bare to look at the face he once admired in secret. the smile he couldn’t get enough of, his delicate features, his thick eyebrows that always gave away how he was feeling. It ached him. a dull aching but one nonetheless. michael wished he could knock himself out and just escape his thoughts, and in a way himself. it was too much, himself, his thoughts, his feelings, his senses, the heat, the sweat encaging his very being, the overwhelming guilt. he wished he could rest.
and the “rest” he got, if you even called that, was terrible and michael cannot recall a worse sleep, he was hyperaware the entire night, and once he was finally relaxed enough to doze off the sun light was starting to creep up from the window and he tried so hard to ignore but he knew that if didn’t get up for breakfast a knock would come on his door and he’d have to see alexis way sooner than he planned to so he woke up, he could see the eye bags slowly forming and he did his usual morning routine of staring at himself naked in his mirror, he’d usually tell himself how good he looked or how talented he was but he didn’t feel like it. not after last night. he just wanted to rest so he quickly got dressed and grabbed a coffee, he ate quickly and went to train hoping to delay seeing alexis.
at last michael’s attempts were futile as he and alexis were on the same team, in the same dorm and had each other’s schedules memorized. he and the rest of the team were training and he couldn’t help but glance at alexis every now and again. they had a huge match coming up, he couldn’t be this zoned out. he was interacting less and less with others today and although he doesn’t know why he found himself subconsciously following alexis. he was getting tired of his behaviour and he wasn’t even on the receiving end of it. he needed to get his act straight, he was the protaganist here. not yoichi, not kenyu, not anyone. he owned the field. and he planned on dictating the field forever, michael was being drained from all his energy, mentally. If he started losing his physical energy he’d be benched and he would rather die.
michael decided to talk to alexis after the game, it was the best option and he’d feel less guilty because he would've at least done one of the things he needed to do. he focused on his training, he needed to try harder and be better, to prove to alexis that michael is worth the effort that alexis puts in for him. in a way becoming better was a part of his apology or at least it would make him feel better about things, feel better about how he was oblivious to his mistreatment of alexis, he never realized how much alexis actually meant to him, he always thought he needed to make sure his “tool” was alright because no one wants a faulty tool, and no one wants a neglectful owner.
—
the match is about to start and yet michael finds a foreign feelings filling his gut. nervousness? why would he be nervous? he was jittery. could it be that he felt underprepared for the match? no way. he trained more than enough,. then could it be.. that he was nervous for what was planned after? that made more sense.. in the end he just thought breaking off all contact with alexis would be better. like starting a new off of a clean slate. one where he didn't depend on alexis and rather his own skill. so he can prove to him that he is worth everything alexis endured. and so he could come back to alexis with a better conscious. or maybe he wouldn't come back at all. he just needs alexis happy and healthy and if he needs to be out of his life for that so be it; he'll even transfer to a different team once his contract is over.
the match was starting soon, he already had everything planned, after the game he'd make sure to tell the rest of the team to shower early as usually ness would take a long shower, he'd get too lost in thought and would take longer than intended and would immerse himself in his thoughts, michael knew that all too well and was planning on taking full advantage of that. and hopefully the changing room camera's weren't live, but it was a risk he was willing to take. he took a deep breath before walking onto the field.
—
with yoichi's super block of chris prince's almost goal, and his super assist to yukimiya kenyu. the game ended. it was over. and god with alexis's almost breakdown. michael truly realized how urgent it was. he did it again. in his defense alexis's hair was a great relief of stress but yoichi fainted which was intriguing but he couldn't lose track of what was important right now, he needed to speak to alexis and decided for a change of plan, he took advantage of the time when everyone else was showering and he held alexis back, he was confused for a while but that's alright and once michael was sure everyone was showering he felt like he could speak to alexis.
"alexis we need to talk.." alexis tensed for a slight second but then relaxed once more "what is it?" he asked patiently waiting for an answer and michael took a deep breath, "alexis.. i think it would be better for you if we don't contact each other anymore. ill ignore you for the rest of the season and when my contract ends ill move teams.. what we have isn't exactly healthy.. i expect you to avoid me like i avoid you.. maybe we'll reconcile when you're better" michael spoke in the calmest tone he could speak in. alexis felt his heart be metaphorically pierced by michaels words and he looks down trying so hard. to keep his tears in and michael just continued. "don't take this the wrong way im doing this because i care for you—" and alexis just couldn't let this happen to him while he stays quiet he just couldn't. "when have you ever cared." alexis muttered his voice cracking and his chest ached. michael was stunned and it showed in his face "what? alexis—" alexis wasn't going to let him speak anymore. he can't let michael leave and he won't. "just shut up. please michael did you once think how i'd feel when you were brewing this god awful "plan" in your head? did you? because it doesn't seem like it. what makes you think id be okay with this? with you just leaving and coming back whenever you please. because i am not okay with this. and i never will be." michael eyes widened and alexis could feel his heart beat in every part of his body, his fists were shaking. he's been bottling up for far too long.
"alexis are you crazy?! this is for you. for your own good, you can't be well if you thought the way i was treating you was okay?!" michael was frustrated, can't alexis see that this is for the better? "i don't care, you don't just get to up and leave my life and come back when i “get better” that’s not how it works! are you punishing me? because god does it feel like it.” alexis might be acting all tough but deep down inside he’s holding back tears he can’t bare the thought of michael leaving him, he’ll do anything anything if it meant michael would stay. “i’m not and the fact that you feel like i am, proves my point. you need this. and i’m simply trying to be a good person! i still have no idea why you accepted mistreatment!” alexis felt the last string holding him back snap, “because i love you michael and i have for a very long fucking time! are you happy now? finally got your answer genius.” michael’s eye somehow widened even more. his pupils were tiny. so that was it? that’s the answer? how fucking cliche. that was so obvious how come michael didn’t predict that? alexis on the other hand couldn’t believe what he just confessed, he wanted to break down but he couldn’t let michael see him like that. but michael stayed quiet. too quiet alexis looked up at michael only to see him about to walk away, he couldn’t let him do that.
michael felt alexis grab his wrist as he walked away, he needed to process this, “michael. i just poured my heart out for you, you can’tjust leave. please? say something? anything.” michael did the first illogical thing he'd ever done. he faced alexis and answered his pleads. “alexis you deserve….better than any love i could provide you.” michael spoke honestly, alexis couldn’t keep it in anymore and instead of yelling at michael he felt tears stream down his cheeks. michael’s heart broke at the sight. he just did that. he made alexis cry, and he will never forgive himself for that. and alexis shouldn’t forgive him either but he still wants alexis’s forgiveness. he doesn’t want alexis to move on..does that mean he wants to be with alexis but how? he wouldn’t be able to give him what he deserves..well maybe?.. maybe. he was satisfied with that maybe, for once in his life he was okay with uncertainty. michael felt his body move on it’s own as he held alexis’s face. his thumbs wiping away alexis’ tears, alexis narrowed his eyes, he was confused. what’s going on? alexis looked deep into michael’s deep blue eyes, they were beautiful like the ocean at sunrise, so blue. “alexis..” michael started and alexis hummed in reply, “i think i could love you better..” alexis felt his thinking come to a halt. what? did he hear that correctly? and michael did nothing but kiss alexis’ forehead and pull him into a tight embrace, alexis felt like he could be dreaming. and michael whispered into his ear, “i’m sorry alexis, it was foolish of me to think leaving you would be the right idea, you’re right, if i want you to have better, i should be better. and i promise you to try alexis. for you..” alexis heard michael’s tone soften and he just wrapped his arms around michael tightening the embrace, letting out a breathe he didn’t know he was holding. “do you forgive me?.” michael asked when they finally let go of each other.. this felt new for alexis.. for michael to care so much. “i’ll try to..” alexis fidgeted a bit and michael smiled warmly “take your time.. i’ll be here with you, either way, mein liebling.” alexis felt his cheeks flush at the petname, michael’s darling? is that what he is? he wanted to ask.. what were they now? but he didn’t want to upset michael for assuming… hey he’s supposed to stop thinking like that.. okay he builds up enough courage to quickly ask. “so are we lovers?..i don’t mean to assume but!—” michael looked at alexis fondly.. “we’re whatever you want us to be.” he said smiling, he felt a new burning passion inside him. and alexis smiled shyly.
—ADDITIONAL TIME!—
“what are you doing here? aren’t you guys meant to be in bed?” noel noa said when he saw some of bastard munchen pressing their ears to the changing room door. igarashi was sobbing on the floor, while raichi and kiyora we’re wiping their own tears away, grim was being dramatic again, kunigami was looking down on the ground with a singular tear sliding down his face. “IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL THAT WAS SO EMOTIONAL NAMU-SANNN” igarashi sobbed out and noel noa made a face and slowly pushed them all away from the changing rooms.