Work Text:
Rafael could hear his boyfriends’ voice all the way from down the hall when he stepped out of the elevator on SVU’s floor. He couldn’t quite make out what they were arguing about – a lot of “uh-huh”/”nu-uh” going on – but they were at playful quarreling volume, not actual fighting. Sonny and Nick didn’t fight often, but the few times it had happened before, Rafael had had to step in to explain the concept of neighbors to them. Of course, that had been at their apartment. Rafael had no doubts that Liv would never let them get that loud at work. She was much tougher than him.
So Sonny and Nick were in the midst of not a shouting match but something akin to playground fighting, which was fine with Rafael. It meant nothing overly dramatic was occupying the squad’s attention at the moment, and that was how you wanted all days to go for SVU, if you were a decent person. A slow day was a good day as far as police stations were concerned.
Rafael’s own case he was working on was going well, too, better than expected actually, which was why he’d decided to drop by and take Liv out for a celebratory early lunch. Apparently he had picked the right time.
He had just heard Sonny exclaim, “Just admit it already, man! We all know you’re lying, c’mon!” as he rounded the corner to the squad’s bullpen.
“Just cause you keep saying it doesn’t make it true,” Nick shot back, grinning audibly.
Yup, they were having fun.
About to just let them continue, Rafael turned his head to smile a quick greeting at Sonny on his way to Liv’s office, when Sonny suddenly pushed himself off his desk he was leaning against and grabbed Rafael’s forearms. Holding him tightly, he whirled him around to all but shove him into Nick’s face.
“Well, okay,” he said over Nick’s snort (Rafael was too surprised to even squeak), “if you’re not lying, look into THESE eyes and say it again!” He gave Rafael’s shoulders a little shake. “Go on! Lie to him, I dare you! Give him the look, baby,” he added in a lower voice, leaning over Rafael’s shoulder conspiratorially. “Don’t go easy on him. Well?” he then called out to Nick again. “C’mon!”
Rafael was so startled he didn’t even narrow his eyes but was just staring at Nick wide-eyed and baffled. Behind Nick, he saw Fin bowing his head with what would have been a giggle if it hadn’t been Fin, Fin didn’t giggle.
“Fuck, I couldn’t lie to that,” Amanda dead-panned from her desk behind Nick.
Nick quickly schooled his face into a serious mask, complete with a righteous frown, and looked into Rafael’s eyes. “It was not me who forgot to get the laundry out of the washing machine.” He lifted his gaze over Rafael’s head at Sonny. “Happy?”
“You’re cold,” Sonny said, shaking his head and then Rafael again for good measure. “You’d lie straight into this face?” Still holding on to Rafael, he pushed him closer, so Rafael's hands came up reflexively to steady himself against Nick’s chest. “Look at him.” And he finally let go of Rafael. “I’ve been dating a psychopath all these months. I’m shocked and dismayed.”
By now there was no denying the fact that Fin was capable of giggling.
Before Rafael had any chance to make it known that he was finding this all hilarious to the point of making both of them sleep on the couch for a while (and also inquire after the laundry, he was sure his comfy pajamas had been in that load), he found himself whirled around by Nick to face Sonny, once more held at his arms.
“Two can play that game, Dominick,” Nick said in a mock version of his low&dangerous ‘talking to the suspect who definitely did it’ voice. “Look at bunny here and repeat your accusations, why don’t you? He knows the truth now, he’s seen it in my eyes. Well?” He pushed Rafael closer to Sonny, who took a step back. “Are you scared, Dominick? You seem scared.” Another step. “I wonder why.”
“Okay,” Rafael cut in, “are you done-”
“You can’t face him, can you?” Nick talked over Rafael. He’d let go of his arms, wrapping his own around Rafael’s middle to drag him against himself and also another step closer to Sonny.
Sonny was retreating behind a desk.
“Because you can’t face what it’ll do to you when he finds out it was you,” Nick continued.
Out of the corner of his eye Rafael spotted Amanda getting up to walk around her desk and stand beside Sonny, studying him. “My god,” she whispered.
“Nick,” Sonny said in a hoarse, guilt-soaked voice. He arched his brows pleadingly, held his palms up in front of him. “Please don’t.”
“It was, wasn’t it?” Nick pressed. “You forgot the laundry, because you were too busy … well. I won’t say it here,” he sneered, “but we can all imagine what you were too busy doing last night.”
Sonny swallowed.
In the background, Fin sounded like he might require medical attention soon.
Rafael rolled his eyes, but let them have their moment of fun. It he was being honest to himself it was actually a bit of a turn-on to be used as a prop in his boyfriends’… wait, what?
“The laundry’s been in the machine since last night?” he asked, frowning at Sonny.
“Oh god,” Sonny whined and flomped onto his chair to bury his face in his hands. “I’m sorry!”
“I don’t believe it!” Amanda exclaimed. “And you were trying to pin it on Nick?”
Rafael shot her wry glare, receiving a big happy grin in return.
“Truth will out, baby,” Nick said, nodding at Sonny, as he withdrew his arm from around Rafael to walk up to Sonny’s desk and lean down low, tugging at Sonny’s wrist to move his hand away from his face. “I hope you learned something today,” he told him when Sonny’s gaze met his. “Don’t use weapons you can’t handle.” He stroked the side of Sonny’s face with the back of his hand and threw Rafael a quick glance over his shoulder. “Thanks, querido, I’ll take it from here.”
“What’s going on?” Liv asked from the doorway to her office.
“Nick used Barba’s eyes to crack a lying suspect,” Amanda answered without missing a beat. “Why haven’t we ever thought of that?” She shrugged at Rafael’s exasperated glare.
“The defense would take us apart,” Liv replied, sounding to all the world like she’d given the subject thought already and had dismissed it with a heavy heart. “Coercion, witness tampering, you name it. I’m surprised they let him look at the jury at all as it is, let’s not push our luck.”
Rafael slowly turned around to stare at her.
“Yeah, that,” Liv nodded, waving at his face.
“True,” Fin said. He had found his calm, level-headed voice-of-reason tone again. “You don’t want to give Buchanan ideas. ‘Move to require the prosecution to wear a plastic bag over his head’ or something.”
At last, Amanda cracked up, but it was okay, so did Sonny. Bowing his head in helpless snickers, he blindly reached out to pat her shoulder when she hid her face against his back, shaking with laughter.
“What?” Liv asked at Rafael’s expression. “You can’t deny that sounds like something he’d do. ‘Objection, Your Honor, the prosecution is looking all sad and his eyes are too big. Move to have jury ignore his face.’ ”
“ ‘Objection, Your Honor,’” Nick added, before Rafael could say anything, “ ‘the prosecution’s suit fits him too well. Move to arrange cross exam via zoom, audio only.’ ”
“Privacy curtain,” Fin piped up. He shrugged at Rafael’s ‘et tu?’-look.
Nick snorted, nodding and pointing at Fin. “Good one. ‘Objec-’”
“Have you all been using the drug squad cars out of the carpool today?” Rafael cut him off, turning his head to look into all the delighted face surrounding him. “You’re supposed to air those out first.”
There was a moment of silence, the cops’ expressions varying from mischievous smirks to mock apologetic lip-biting.
“ ‘Move to have prosecution wear mask from ‘Saw’ when addressing the jury,’ ” Amanda said, causing Sonny to hit his forehead against his desk with a new bout of laughter.
“Friday 13th,” Fin suggested. “To save tax payers’ money.”
“ ‘Your Honor,’ ” Nick called out,“ ‘this is outrageous, not only is my client not guilty, but now the good citizens of the great city of New York have to pay for the prosecution’s masks on top of everything else, just because the DA is incapable of hiring lawyers who don’t have Bambi eyes that match their ties, it is a sham, a political-’”
“Lunch?” Rafael asked Liv, arching his brows at her desperately.
She snorted, said, “How could I say no to…” and cracked up at his glare. “Lunch sounds great. Let me get my coat.”
Rafael endured two more ‘Your Honors’ before she returned and they could head for the exit.
“Wait,” he said and turned around. “Sonny!”
Sonny lifted his head off his desk, wiping tears from his eyes. “Bunny?” he asked, sending Amanda into a fit of giggles.
“The laundry?” Rafael prompted.
Sonny opened his mouth to reply, but Nick cut him off, not even bothering to look over his shoulder. “Your pajamas are fine, conejito. We send those out to the dry cleaners. Have a nice lunch!”
Tuning again, Rafael grabbed Liv’s arm to drag her along. “Martini lunch,” he decided. “But scotch.”
As the elevator doors closed, he heard his boyfriends’ and colleagues' voices all the way from down the hall.
“ ‘Your Honor, c’mon, now, his suspenders match his socks!’ ”
THE END