Work Text:
“You know, it’s still kind of crazy to me that I was your first boyfriend.” Renjun says, leaning over to put his chin on Jisung’s shoulder. The younger looks up from his book, a quizzical look on his face.
“What makes you say that?” He asks, placing a bookmark in the book and setting it down on their bed. Renjun can’t help but shrug.
“I dunno. I was just thinking about it the other day. The fact that there are so many people-” Jisung snorts, shaking his head. “Okay A FEW people that have gotten to hold your hand or give you a kiss goodnight, but that I’m the first of them to be another man…” Jisung tilts his head to look at Renjun, a small smile on his face.
“Well, I didn’t come out until I was in college.” He comments, fingers tapping against the cover of his book. “So yeah, I’ve had girlfriends before. Not very many though. Maybe 2? 3? I was shy, introverted in high school. I didn’t like the attention on me. I just wanted to play soccer and get through it all.” Renjun hums.
“It’s just weird to me that somewhere out there in some girl’s diary or yearbook, there’s a heart with your name on it that isn’t in my handwriting.” Jisung laughs, a glimmer in his eye.
“Are you saying that you have a heart with my name on it drawn somewhere in YOUR diary, Renjun?” The older man laughs and playfully nips Jisung’s ear.
“Shush. Let me fathom this.” Jisung just chuckles, taking one of Renjun’s hands to play with his fingers. Long fingers running across the diamond encrusted band on his second to last finger. “Of course I do. I pined after you for two years, remember?” Jisung smiles at the memory, nodding.
“We were really dumb back then, weren’t we?” He muses, thinking about the dance around each other that they had done for two years. They had both had crushes on each other, but neither one of them even knew that they were looking. Jisung had assumed Renjun was too cool for him, and Renjun was convinced that Jisung didn’t know that he existed. How long ago that seemed now.
“I thought that we were such parallel lines, that someone like you, straight, athletic, so… good? Could like someone like me. With everything that happened to me in the past too…” Jisung shakes his head, squeezing Renjun’s hand gently.
“You know I don’t care about any of that.” He says gently, turning to fully face Renjun. His dark eyes are kind, something that Renjun has always loved about him. Jisung has always been kind, even when Renjun is biting and cold. He brings out the best of Renjun, and he can’t help but love Jisung more every single day.
“I know, But thinking of myself pathetically crying in the bathroom over a guy whose name I don’t even fucking REMEMBER now…” Jisung brushes a piece of hair out of Renjun’s face, making the older man sigh happily.
“I’ve had my own fair share of heartbreak, Renjun. People who didn’t love me the way that I wanted them to. People who left without a word.” Jisung says, and Renjun knows this. Probably one of the most memorable moments that he has ever had with Jisung was the night that they just sat down and talked about their pasts, nothing held back, nothing left behind.
“I just wish that I could thank all of the girls that loved you before I did.” Renjun blurts out, and Jisung looks at him in surprise, blinking.
“What do you mean?” He asks, and Renjun feels a flush creeping up his neck. He hadn’t meant to really say that out loud, but it had been something that he had been thinking about for the last few days while getting into planning.
“Well, your mom, first of all. She brought you up to be loyal and kind, and the most forgiving, polite person that she could manage. Then the girls that you dated in high school that taught you how to be in a relationship, but also taught you how to say goodbye and when it’s time to let go.. Just every woman that you’ve loved has brought you to me. They made you into the man that I love and adore so much, and I can’t even begin to imagine how different we would both be without the relationships that we had before this. I wouldn’t be the same, and neither would you.” Renjun feels like he’s said too much, but the contemplative look on Jisung’s face, his fingers still curled around Renjun’s wrist, tells him that maybe he didn’t say something wrong.
“You’re right, baby.” Jisung says softly, a warm smile appearing on his face. “You know, that’s quite a mature and healthy way to look at that. You’ve come a long way, you know? When we met, you would have never said something like that.” Renjun flushes. He’d been a bit of a brat, a hardass, when he had first gotten together with Jisung. Oh, how he wishes that he was different.
“Well-”
“All of the boys that you loved before made you into this, though. Just like all the girls I loved before made me who I am now.” Jisung adds before Renjun can refute him. Renjun blinks for a second before his lips curl into a smile.
"I guess you're right. I dated way more than you too…" Jisung frowns, shaking his head.
"I don't care about any of that. Like you said, it's everything that made you. All your past experiences and heartbreak, even the worst ones, made you into the man that I love. The man that I pledged to love forever." He taps Renjun's ring. "I know everything about you. Every relationship you've had, everyone you've been broken by. I should thank all the boys you loved before like you want to thank all the girls I loved before." Renjun presses his cheek against Jisung's shoulder.
"I love you so much, Sungie. You know that right?" Jisung laughs softly, pressing a kiss to Renjun's nose.
"How could I not know? I'll never get sick of hearing it." Renjun just hums, nuzzling against Jisung's shoulder.
"I like saying it just as much as you like hearing it."
"Renjun." Renjun turns his face up to peer at Jisung.
"Hmm?"
"I love you too."
Renjun knows. How could he not?