Archive of Our Own

He feels his body being ripped apart as he seals off the Stellaron. He can’t tell whether or not the scream he heard was his own. But he knows the breaking of a heart and aching in the chest is his. It shattered when he witnessed his master bring upon the downfall of their home. When the only thing that greeted his tired, weary, dying self were shadows of his past. He can only pray to the Aeons that he did enough to save Luofu. To save the people he loved. Loves. And of course he wonders, did Blade look at him? Did he even remember him? This question lingers on Jing Yuan’s mind as he enters an eternal rest.

Instead of being greeted by eternal sleep, he is greeted with the sight of the galaxy. No, perhaps this is the Universe itself.

This is not the skies that they see, Jing Yuan knows as there are five divine gazes falling upon him. He does not dare speak, and waits for those who intervened with his death to commence.

Lan is the one who approaches him.

‘Why am I here?’ Jing Yuan wants to ask but knows that answer will come to him soon enough.  

As if reading his thoughts, Lan begins, “Jing Yuan, you are here because we’ve brought you here. As the Aeon of the Hunt, you have done much to hunt down the denizens of Abundance. You dedicated your life to the Luofu and have done much for them.”

Jing Yuan hesitates, but his voice remains steady and confident. Years of practice suppressing his emotions during confrontations becomes especially handy in the face of the divine. “It is my duty as their General to lead and guide them.”

Lan gives a small nod of acknowledgement. “Yes. Formalities aside you must have a lot of questions. First of all, you are indeed dead.”

Jing Yuan almost rolled his eyes but he must not in front of five Aeons (though perhaps Aha might find the interaction entertaining). He would be concerned if he were still alive after using his body to seal off the Stellaron. He is surprised that Yaoshi is still very much alive despite it all. In the end, Jingliu and Luocha’s plan had failed, and it cost him his life. 

Lan continues, “though you are my emanator, it seems that you have long attracted the gaze of many others. Thus we want to make…a deal with you.”

Jing Yuan laughs. What could the great Aeons need a dead man for? 

“Don’t be surprised, Jing Yuan. There are things that bound Aeons to this world more than regular humans. Rules must be put in place to ensure that the balance in this world is maintained. The only power we can endlessly use is the power of our chosen path. Nanook can endlessly rain down destruction and Yaoshi can endlessly heal.”

Jing Yuan already knows this.

Nous sighs, “to get to the point, there has never been an Aeon of time, for the precise reason that the world does not let anybody mess with it. Every universe has its laws, and this particular world is controlled by Fate. There cannot be an Aeon of time as it would give them too much power over the past, present, and future. This disrupts the ‘balance’.” 

Jing Yuan’s mind starts shifting its gears and he's caught on to what they’re implying.

“But, it is possible for an entity of lower caliber to be sent back in time. To defy Fate?”

Aha laughs, “my my Lan, you truly know how to pick out the best ones. Perhaps Nous should’ve claimed this one instead, he’s got more brains than you!”

Nous shakes their head at Aha’s antics, “this is no easy task, Jing Yuan.”

“…”

Jing Yuan closes his eyes, he knows very well he is a pawn being used in this game of chess beyond what Jingliu and Luocha had experienced. He is being used as a pawn in a game with Fate itself. If he reaches the end of the board, then he will become a greater piece in this game. But if he cannot change fate…then he will simply be another discarded pawn. 

The Aeons knew he would be a willing pawn. 

But a pawn is still a piece in a chess game and has its uses. Jing Yuan will leverage what he can.

“If I am to agree to this trade, I wish to know what the Aeons so desperately wish to accomplish that they would use a feeble mortal like myself as their piece in their game against Fate.”

He’s met with Nanook’s sharp golden gaze, molten and glowing, yet void of any light. 

“We wish to bring back Akivili.”

“...”

***

When Jing Yuan opens his eyes, he finds himself taking a nap under a tree. He soon hears metal clashing and it's the sound of Dan Feng and Jingliu sparring. It has been so long that Jing Yuan forgot just how elegant the two of them are in this dance. Then he turns and sees Baiheng and Yingxing and he freezes. He truly has gone back. 

Baiheng is still whole, alive, and smiling. The warmth she had shared with all of them is still present and Jing Yuan instinctively wants to run to her for comfort (it seems that coming back has brought back the same old habits he developed in his youth). 

And Yingxing. He has some gray hairs, his eyes are still a deep blue, and he is as beautiful as Jing Yuan remembers. And though Yingxing is beautiful no matter who he is or what name he goes by (Blade was as ethereal as Yingxing had been), Jing Yuan had missed this version of him. This Yingxing, who despite going through all he did, learned to smile with them. Shared drinks and laughed with them. But most of all, had a burning passion in his eyes ignited by the forge and the people he loved. Not a burning fire ignited by pain, suffering, and rage. Jing Yuan loves Blade all the same, but he has missed Yingxing.  

In his daze, he doesn’t realize when the two of them had walked over to him.

“Jing Yuan? What’s wrong, my little bird?” Baiheng asked, gently wiping away his tears. 

“Ah,” Jing Yuan quickly brought a hand up to his cheek only to find it wet. Urgently, yet cautiously he clutches onto Baiheng’s sleeve (like he did when he was younger, when he and Yingxing were but small children). “I…had a nightmare,” he says. It’s a flimsy excuse for his current state but there is no other feasible explanation he can come up with. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Baiheng gently coaxes.

Jing Yuan shakes his head. But it has been so long since he has last seen Baiheng, last felt her warmth and presence, last seen her smile. He can’t help but plead, “please, just…stay.”

Baiheng gives him a warm smile and pulls him into a hug, Jing Yuan melts into it and buries his head into her shoulders. “My little bird, I’m here. No matter what happens we’ll be here.” Jing Yuan lets out a bitter smile.

He can’t help but think,

I have walked this path with you once, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

When Baiheng pulls away Yingxing goes over and gently brushes Jing Yuan’s hair out of his face, revealing his other eye. To Jing Yuan’s surprise, Yingxing also pulls him into a very tight hug. 

“Jing Yuan, I don’t know what you dreamt that caused you to look so tired and exhausted. I don’t know what could possibly bring you so much grief, but everything is ok right now, see?”

Even knowing all of the miseries that we endured and faced, even knowing that the purpose of our encounter and intertwined fates was to end in tragedies and goodbyes, I would still choose you. Again and again.

Yingxing pulls apart and gives Jing Yuan a smile, a smile that he has missed so, so much. His heart aches. Before he had come back to the past, he buried this pain deep into his heart to remember this very look on Yingxing, yet it was still robbed from him through the clutches of time. 

“What is there that the two of us, that the five of us cannot do?

Jing Yuan’s heart breaks. He knows what the five of them cannot do no matter how hard they try. He keeps the smile on his face as bright as he can.

But please, don’t ever choose me again. In your next life, find someone that can put a world before you. Find someone who can sacrifice everything for you. Find someone that can give you more closure than I ever could have.

“Yes,” Jing Yuan lies, “we’ll be ok.”

In the distance, the clattering of metal can be heard. Dan Feng’s spear is spotted on the ground while Jingliu’s sword is pointed at his neck.

***

Resentment, hatred, but most importantly, betrayal. That is the look Blade gives Jing Yuan. He stares at Jing Yuan, as if challenging him. Challenging him to deny the reality that is right in front of them. That Jing Yuan had betrayed Yingxing’s faith in him. Jing Yuan wordlessly looks away, unable to face the man before him. Whether it is because it is his fault the man became a living weapon, or to avoid seeing the face of a ghost, Jing Yuan doesn’t know. Perhaps it is both. 

“You knew the consequences better than any of us”

Did he?

“Yet you watched us go through with the plan”

‘I tried…’

“Why are you just standing there…Why aren’t you saying anything?”

‘What do you want me to tell you?’

“You’re still the same, not saying anything, not doing anything.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Sorry won’t bring Baiheng back, and sorry sure as hell won’t bring Yingxing back.”

Jing Yuan closes his eyes and steadies himself. He can’t change the perception of a man with a broken mind. What is the point in telling him what he did do when all Blade can remember is what he didn’t do?

‘Were all those years for nothing?’

Jing Yuan stays silent.

Blade leaves with his shattered sword.

***

Over the centuries, there were many things that Jing Yuan had forgotten. This was one of them.

Sitting in the same room smiling and laughing to their heart's content. Despite the years of war that has weighed them down, they had still managed to find it in themselves to be content. As long as they had each other. 

Yingxing bickers with him and the words that are equally insulting that they hurl at each other naturally leaves Jing Yuan. Having light conversations with Dan Feng and enjoying each other’s company over a cup of tea is easily molded back into his daily schedule. He trains with Jingliu and enjoys the times where Baiheng goes to visit them. He still manages to feel the relief of her presence, knowing that it will put Jingliu in a good mood whenever Baiheng is around. Sometimes, perhaps even a quick break can be snuck in while he munches on a snack made by Baiheng herself. 

Falling back into his old habits is easy. It is easy when the people around him enable it. It is easy when he is allowed to let his guard down. When he is surrounded by love and care. It almost feels foreign.

There are a few bruises that bloom on his arms. Some days, he finds it hard to believe that he has gone back. But he is in the past again whatever the Aeons may have done to get him here. 

Ah, that’s right.

He shakes his head. 

On days when he isn’t busy, he sits in the forge with Yingxing. No matter how hard Yingxing tries, he cannot get Jing Yuan to leave (even though Jing Yuan knows as well as Yingxing that regardless of what he may tell Jing Yuan, he loves having the other around). Today is one of those days. 

Jing Yuan sits on Yingxing’s blueprint table as he watches Yingxing work on his craft, complete focus and concentration on the delicate metals in his hand. Jing Yuan has missed this too.

“You’re awfully quiet today. If you’re gonna be here, the least you can do is help.” Yingxing quips. Jing Yuan laughs. “What could the oh so great forge master need this talentless swordsmans help for?”

Yingxing rolls his eyes but there is a smile on his face. “Perhaps if you’re not so distracting I wouldn’t have minded. Alas you always cause quite the disturbance.”

Jing Yuan smiles, perhaps a little too slyly, “oh? Yingxing-gege, I have yet to do anything distracting at all so the only way my presence could be distracting is if you allow it to be. Surely my presence could not cause such a rift in your environment can it? Is this what you were planning all along? In that case I am the victim here.”

Yingxing pauses, and then puts his hammer down. He walks over to where Jing Yuan is perched on his work table. He leans in, face inches away from Jing Yuan. “That is quite the accusation you are making, my dear Lieutenant.” Jing Yuan parts his mouth, unable to say anything for a second. Truly he forgot that Yingxing had been equally as bold. It is how they had managed to bicker for hours on end, only ending when Jingliu or Dan Feng finally tires of it. He stares at Yingxing and Yingxing looks back as intently. Jing Yuan’s face burns (he can’t tell if it is from the forge or Yingxing’s proximity but the latter definitely seems more plausible). 

His eyes, they’re beautiful. Jing Yuan would gladly lose himself in the deepest depths if he was allowed to. 

He’s brought out of his daze with a flick on his forehead. 

“Ow! Yingxing-ge, that's not fair!” 

Yingxing snickers, “well I have to even the playing field somehow. Your tongue only grows sharper each minute, I have to find some advantage for myself. Now quiet and sit still, I need to finish these orders for today unless you wish for your precious Cloud Knights to enter the battlefield with their bare fists.”

Jing Yuan huffs but happily obliges. 

Jing Yuan watches how easily Yingxing is once again consumed by his craft. 

(He thinks about Blade. The way he is driven by death. How Yingxing is driven by passion. How Yingxing had created as if life was slipping by him too quickly. How Blade had wished for nothing but life to pass him by. How Yingxing had forged unbreakable weapons, while Blade had forged himself into a shattered sword.)

In these numbered peaceful days that have been gifted to him, he will cherish them first and foremost. In the back of his mind, he keeps track of the date. The days are counting down to their fall. The battles are heading their way.

But that day is not today.

Today he is just Jing Yuan in Yingxing’s forge. Today, he is just a person who wears his heart out on his sleeve for Yingxing to take. 

***

Alas in times of war, nothing lasts. 

Once again, he finds himself hovering around a table with five others. General Teng Xiao is here too. They do not know about the fleets nor the abomination that will appear on the battlefield. It will tear down hundreds of their starskiffs. Thousands will die from this battle. More troops will fall from being crushed by the ships than the Denizen’s themselves. Yingxing will be injured. It is not a life-threatening wound but it will be annoying to deal with nonetheless. Beyond any other excuse Jing Yuan can find, he simply does not wish to see Yingxing injured. 

(He has patched up enough wounds for Blade to last Yingxing multiple lifetimes).  

“We have covered everything we need for the ground troops, now we need to plan accordingly for our ships. The starskiff pilots are well-versed in training but we know nothing of what their air troops may look like. We are prepared to face off against their fleets but how big are their numbers?” General Teng Xiao does most of the planning for this battle. He, though accounting for a majority of factors, did not take into any consideration of a greater threat. None of them did.

But Jing Yuan knows. He just needs to tell them…without telling them.

Jing Yuan’s eyes meet Teng Xiao’s. “What about you, Lieutenant? Any ideas?”

Jing Yuan thoughtfully answers. “They have something up their sleeves without a doubt. They are pressuring us in such an advantageous area for an air battle that it would make no sense if they didn’t have something bigger planned. We just need to come up with a plan so that our pilots can easily change their positions to accommodate whatever may appear. We cannot have all the ships up at once. Just in case, we need to have two fleets at the ready. One up in the air, and one on the ground to be deployed. That way it would be easier to maneuver the second fleet into position if needed.”

Baiheng steps forward, “I can go. Nobody can pilot better than me. I can lead the fleets and guide them into formation.”

“No,” Jing Yuan shakes his head. “We need you on the ground covering the sky-troops from below. You have a sharp eye and a better sense of what needs to be done up in the skies. You will be our second line of defense. That way we have a higher chance to ensure that this battle ends in our favour. I entrust the directory of the starskiffs to you in this battle, Baiheng.”

In truth, the selfish part of Jing Yuan does not wish for her to be exposed to any potential harm.

The selfish part of Jing Yuan had intentionally planned it so that she would not be on the field when disaster struck. 

The guilt weighs heavily on his heart, but he will endure it if it means keeping her safe. 

It just so happened that for this fight, it is indeed a safer bet for Baiheng to be placed as back-up rather than the frontlines in the case that something goes wrong. (It had been like that last time too, she had almost single-handedly driven the abomination to the ground). 

Baiheng thoughtfully looks at him and nods with a determined look on her face, “I see no issue with that,” she turns to Jingliu and receives a nod. “Alright then, roger that lieutenant!” Jing Yuan sighs, but he smiles. Even at such a moment Baiheng knows how to be playful. 

“Is there anything that I have missed, General?” Jing Yuan turns to Teng Xiao, who wears a smile on his face.

“Everything sounds good. Now, we can only hope it is enough.”

***

The day of the battle arrives. It has been centuries since he has picked up his glaive for the sake of warfare. Under his guidance, Luofu had been at peace long enough that this almost felt foreign to him. 

Almost. 

His mind easily focuses on the battle and nothing else. His plan and formations are constantly running in his mind as he ensures that nothing is out of place on this board. He scans the field and sees that Yingxing, Jingliu, and Dan Feng are making quick work of the enemy on their end. All according to plan. So far, everything is going as it should be. 

As they continue to slowly chip away at the Denizens, a large creature soars into the air. 

“Baiheng!”

Baiheng nods, “pilots, get into formation and prepare to engage.”

The fleets maneuver in and out of position. They are at an advantage. Hit after hit, the abomination slows. 

“Lieutenant! The formation is working! That beast is being taken down!”

Its aim falters and its strength wanes. It crashes down. 

Only 27 starskiffs are lost in the battle.  

The losses are bearable.

His gaze falls on Yingxing. There is no wound on his chest from the debris.

Morale is high. The Cloud Knights cut through the Denizens at an alarmingly fast rate. The starskiffs continue to rain down fire on the backlines of the Denizens. They are about to win this battle. All is going well.

All is going too well.

The Denizen’s armies gather around and condense in one area. It has left their ground forces weakened and leaves Jing Yuan confused. He realizes too late what they are trying to do. 

The Denizens gather around a singular soldier, offering their life to it. 

The Denizen grows, and soon enough, the creeks of its bones can be heard. 

It grows and grows and grows, life being forced into a singular being. Once it has taken enough life, it soars into the skies. In a desperate attempt to turn the tides, they had gathered as one to take down the starskiffs. The reason why they only had one previously is because…it cost the life of hundreds of Denizens for them to merge into a singular being filled with life. The abomination before them is…bigger and stronger than what the aerial troops had just faced off against. With the current formation, there is no fathomable way for all them to maneuver themselves to the offense or to safety. 

That must have been how the first abomination had been born. 

He had miscalculated. They had defeated the first too early on in the battle. It gave the Denizens a large population of ground troops and time to make up for the loss. 

The newly born abomination sweeps its arms, and just like that 20 fleets are gone. It charges in and the starskiffs continue to fall and crash. Even with their meticulous planning and their skilled pilots, they cannot outmaneuver this monstrosity. 

It was not enough.

Jing Yuan helplessly watches on the ground as his plan fails. 

A sky that was filled with troops, now rains down ships and debris. Soldiers alike scramble to avoid being crushed. All that remains are a few fleets still standing, the few that had managed to divert and continue to attack and defend against the monster before them. 

In his head, he counts.

“Yuan-er!” he turns and faces Baiheng, “I need to go up there.” His hands tighten around his glaive. He nods.

“Baiheng-jie, you must be careful.”

Baiheng smiles, “who do you think I am?” And with that, she runs to where more starskiff pilots are docked and ready to help their fellow soldiers. Baiheng leads the charge of the assault.

Jing Yuan continues to cut down the remaining Denizens on the ground. He watches as crowds are crushed by the falling starskiffs. 

He looks up, Baiheng has led the other pilots into a proper formation. She navigates and pilots while attacking with her recurve bow. In the face of her skill, the monstrous aerial creature born out of the denizens could almost seem like a joke…

If not for the mounts of broken machinery and dead bodies that litter the battlefield. 

441 starskiffs. 

Nothing has changed. It has stayed the same. The losses are just as devastating as it had been back then.

‘It is no easy task.’

Truly, Jing Yuan had underestimated Fate. He understands why the Aeons are unable to do anything. He had been a fool to think that it’d be so simple. 

He does his best to crush the ever growing doubt that fills himself. All of a sudden, he feels so small. 

Baiheng lands and comes out in one-piece, completely unscathed.

…

When he returns to camp, he sees Dan Feng tending to a nasty graze across Yingxing’s chest. He must have gotten some time when the fleets had started crashing one after the other. 

Jing Yuan’s jaws tighten. The details of the past had changed, but the results had unfolded all the same. 

Jing Yuan braces himself for the upcoming battles.

He does not think he can win this war. 

***

Today is another day that they have with each other. As Dan Feng works through the endless scrolls that sit on the stone table, Jing Yuan and Baiheng watch Yingxing have his rematch with Jingliu. 

Today is a quiet day, but the events of the battle that has just passed and are fresh in his mind. They had won, but the losses were great. 

He looks at Baiheng and she gives him her signature smile. He smiles back.

He picks up and drinks from the cup of long jing tea Dan Feng had personally brewed for them. 

He stares at it for a moment too long.

He gazes at the scrolls on Dan Feng’s desk and…

A story of Long, the previous Scion of Permanence sits at the side of his stack of paperwork. Jing Yuan tightens his hold on his cup. He had also held a copy of a story, a legend in his personal bookshelf.

It was a book written about the High Cloud Quintet. 

Their legends had been passed down for centuries.

Through it all, Jing Yuan had listened to each and every one.

The stories ranged and varied, but the most entrancing ones for the audience had been their grand battles and victories. How they had slain the Borisins. How they were undefeated. How they were seen as Gods trekking the mortal grounds of the Xianzhou Luofu. It was a beautiful story. And that is all it will be, a story.

Because behind those stories is just a group of five friends. Five people that had the entire world held in the palms of their hands. Who had each other for less than a century. And when they had soared to the greatest heights of this world, they were reminded of their mortality. One by one, time and Fate had ripped them apart. Just like that, they were extinguished. A wildfire that needed to be contained, lest it consume everything in its path. They burned from the inside out. A dynasty gone, fallen in a matter of days. 

The only thing that remained were the echoes of their great achievements…but not of them. Not the drinks shared on a moonlit night. Not the clashing of metal when two of the five decided to spar. Not the quiet moments spent in the others’ presence. One person can only hold on to fond memories for so long. Overtime, scenes blend and blur. Outside of battle, the sound of happy laughter and chatter fade out of existence. 

Jing Yuan could only hold on to those moments for so long, before they too, get replaced by the legends he hears on the streets. Before his memories start failing him, and images of laughter and smiles, of scents and breezes, are reduced to nothing more than glory and fame. The mundane being replaced with the grand.

He mourns. He mourns for the days when he remembered the moments they share right now. He mourns for his future, where these moments are lost to the cruel hands of time. He mourns for the simple times. He mourns for a time they had yet to become legends. 

They will forever be remembered as glorious anecdotes, but not as them.

He mourns for the day that they are no longer seen as people. He mourns for the day they become nothing more than sinners (for being human).

Jing Yuan silently mourns for them all. 

He gazes upwards at the sky. He smiles.

***

A few days have passed since their last battle. In a few weeks, they will be faced with another challenging fight. 

Though the Aeons claimed the biggest changes were to be made on the battlefield, it didn’t mean Jing Yuan couldn’t at least try to change things before the battle itself occurred so it may work in his favour. 

He decides then and there that the Cloud Knights need a deep cleaning. 

There were roaches in their ranks, to say the least. Last time this battle had gone down, they were unprepared for the artillery designed using Yingxing’s parts. By the time Jing Yuan had managed to root them out, they did not have enough time left to inspect the damage done and adjust. They had lost too many soldiers on that battlefield and it had left his side of the field completely exposed. It had been unbearably hard to take down the artillery and only when Jing Yuan had gotten close enough, did he manage to tear through it. However it left him in a vulnerable position with no cover. A blast of magic had hit him and he had been concussed for nearly a week. He is prepared for what awaits him, but this time he needs to ensure that the losses are not so great. 

He knows which scoundrel is the one that has led their Knights astray. He just needs a way to pluck all the weeds from the garden in one go. But he must not alert it, lest it hides itself from sight. It had been relatively easy for him to discover who had been smuggling Yingxing’s creations back then too. Other than Jing Yuan, Teng Xiao, and of course Yingxing, there were three others who had open access to their weaponry. Chief Mao, Chief Jiang, and Chief Zhao. 

Jiang Xue had conflicting views on the Abundance. Though she mercilessly slays them in battle, she had seen them as life regardless. She would have looked suspicious if not for her hatred towards the notion of immortality. She feels it is too cruel of a fate to fall upon anybody and would never wish it upon her worst enemies. “Everyone is destined for an end,” she had said, “it is what drives people forwards. It’s why people try to reach for the stars. It’s why they fight for what they wish for, why they fight for what they love. Would it not be cruel to take that fire away?” She had joined the Cloud Knight ranks much sooner than Jing Yuan, but did not seek for more power. Not because she did not have a desire to, but she did not have enough of a reason to. Being Chief was a safer option. Nobody necessarily eyed her position, but she is still just useful enough to influence decisions made on the battlefield. It was safe. It was stable. She had once shared that if not for the war and her desire to protect the people she loved, she would rather sit in her room, looking out into the distance as the sun sets. She rather spend her days writing poetry and painting a world only she could see onto a canvas. “Perhaps if the world were more peaceful,” she had told him. 

Truly a shame that she did not live to see the day Jing Yuan had managed to bring peace onto the Luofu. He hopes that she did not go with as many regrets buried in her heart as he did. 

Mao Fang. He was an interesting guy. Rather carefree, but a bit mindless in his day to day life. Somehow the battle field made him sharper. Jing Yuan was never close enough with him to truly decipher whether his usual bouts of…stupidity for a lack of a better word…was an act. But, he shared a similar sentiment to Chief Jiang. He feared the idea of immortality, not because living a long life was a curse, but rather what came with living endlessly. “To live for so long, to die so many deaths with no end in sight. Even us soldiers find it hard to endure centuries of war, where death has little to no meaning to it. What then, if a person can only experience the pain of death, and not the relief of it? To go through that, is to one day be left with nothing but an empty mind and soul.” He too, did not seek for more. “At my core, I am but a lazy man. This position has enough to keep me going. To keep me motivated, but gives me enough freedom to still laze as I please. It’s not that I cannot do more, but that I do not want to. If I could find an easier job with the same outcomes, I would. On the plus side, outside of strategizing and maintaining my little group of Cloud Knights, there is not too much thinking I have to do. I enjoy that.”

Jing Yuan’s thoughts turn bitter at the memories. He had seen Chief Mao’s fears unfold on the people he loved with his own eyes. It cannot be Chief Mao. 

Then, there is Zhao Ding Xiang. Though he, on the surface, had seemed to detest the Abundance, that so-called hatred was born out of envy. Unlike the other two officials, he craved to live longer. To watch, as everything around him shriveled while he remained unchanging to the passage of time. Jing Yuan would have never guessed, even now. Though he has had centuries of being the Divine Foresight, he is not omniscient. He cannot always read the hearts of his people. Though Chief Zhao had appeared to be the most thorough with his understanding of immortality on the surface out of the three Chiefs, he couldn’t be further from the truth. He didn’t understand the price that needed to be paid. He didn’t understand what it meant to lose his humanity. He could never understand it, unless he had experienced it for himself. It is simply that he does not hold enough empathy in his heart to understand the pain of others, unless he himself has experienced it. He could only superficially understand things. He could only see the world as what it was directly in front of him, never looking beyond that horizon. 

He is the one that will betray them. Who has most likely, already betrayed them. 

Jing Yuan must meet with Teng Xiao. But, as much as he remembers the occurrence of the events, his memory is not so great that he remembers exactly when Chief Zhao should have begun stealing the parts. He will need to convince Yingxing to check their armory. Perhaps a day off under the guise of an inspection will convince him, (and he’d never say no to more time spent with Yingxing). 

He does not find Yingxing in the forge, in fact he does not have to go out of his way to find Yingxing at all. Jing Yuan finds him on the training grounds, watching him as he trains, patiently waiting. 

“Yingxing-ge, I was just about to go look for you!” Yingxing smiles, “well lucky for you, you won’t have to spend much time doing so.”

Jing Yuan laughs, “you’ve certainly spared me the trouble. This humble knight thanks you for your thoughtfulness.” Jing Yuan puts his glaive away, “so, what have you come to me for?”

Yingxing pauses for a moment, “I simply wanted to come visit you. You’ve been occupied with Teng Xiao planning for our upcoming battles, and I’ve been cooped up in my forge. You haven’t visited me in a while. My my, are you not happy that I have graced you with my presence? So greedy.”

Jing Yuan smirks, “why yes, I have been graced with the presence of an old man. My day has been made. All my woes have been chased away.” 

Yingxing’s smile stiffens, “you…”

“Come to the armory with me?”

Yingxing is caught off guard, yet he still continues to fight Jing Yuan’s words with his. “So you can gawk at my work again?”

Jing Yuan takes Yingxing’s hand in his, “I would,” he places a soft kiss on Yingxing’s knuckles, “but why admire the work when I can admire its creator? I find the person that has brought such creations to life much more beautiful.”

Yingxing's face flushes a furious shade of red, “you…your flirting is still atrocious.” Jing Yuan smiles cheekily at him, “but it works.”

Yingxing doesn’t say a word. All he does is silently drag Jing Yuan towards the armory. “You will be the death of me one day,” Yingxing mutters under his breath.

…

As expected, there is a significant amount of metal parts missing. Jing Yuan does not understand their use, but Yingxing does, though it is too quick of an inspection to mean anything. 

They make their way to the Seat of Divine Foresight and head straight to Teng Xiao’s office.

“Ah, Jing Yuan, Yingxing. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“There are missing weapons and parts in the armory.”

“...What-?”

…

Jing Yuan watches as Teng Xiao pinches the bridge of his nose. He walks over to the drawing board. He gets straight to the point.

“There are 6 people who have access to the armory. The 3 chiefs…It cannot be Jiang, she’s always with the kids or training with the knights. I don’t believe it is Mao Fang either. He wouldn’t go to such lengths no matter the cause. He simply does not see a point in it. He has been occupied at the tea shops and book store. On top of that both of them hate the core belief of Abundance. That leaves us with Zhao. He has his own grudges on the Abundance…”

Teng Xiao goes silent as the gears turn in his head. “Now that you mention it, Zhao has…been a lot quieter. But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.” 

Jing Yuan chimes in, “I think it has merit to it. We need something more solid. If one of them has fallen to the path of the Abundance, then there is, without a doubt, a rally of people behind them. We must find a way to eradicate them.” 

Teng Xiao and Yingxing thoughtfully looks at him. They know that the gears have already finished turning in Jing Yuan’s head. “You already have something on your mind.”

Jing Yuan nods, “we need them to let their guard down. Give them a false sense of security. Nobody knows that we have checked the armory. We can keep this under wraps, or we can use this information to our advantage.”

Yingxing raises his eyebrow at him, Teng Xiao seems to catch on. “Jing Yuan, are you sure you want to do this?” 

“It is the easiest and quickest solution is it not? Not only does it let their guard down, it makes it easier to root out all of them. With everyone's attention on me, they will feel a sense of false security. Not only that it makes them let their guard down around me. That way it’ll be easier for me to have direct contact with those involved.”

Yingxing cuts in, “Jing Yuan, hold on what is going on. Surely I’m not understanding this incorrectly. You plan on using yourself as bait?”

Jing Yuan nods, “that's the plan. If we can get a rumour to start spreading that I have strayed onto the path of Abundance, and then let the knowledge that materials have been stolen from the armory, traded to the Denizens, the citizens will talk. Chief Zhao will let his guard down with all the attention focused on me. And if his comrades manage to let their guards down around me under the guise that I am one of them, I could gain valuable information. If not, we can still work around what we have to capture them.”

Yingxing is annoyed, “I understand that but does it have to be at the cost of your reputation? The people of Luofu, though long-living, are unforgiving.” Yingxing frowns at him, “they will rip you apart with their words if they find out that their dear, perfect Lieutenant has strayed from the righteous path of the Hunt.”

Jing Yuan laughs, “let them say what they might. Once the traitors have been dug up, people will know what was going on behind the scenes well enough. If a few dirty looks and words and perhaps my reputation is the price to be paid to get rid of the followers of Yaoshi, I’m happy to give it up.”

Yingxing folds his arms across his chest, “I’m not. Why must you use yourself as part of the plan when we can think of something different. Surely you don’t enjoy giving yourself a hard time?”

Teng Xiao interrupts them. “I apologize Yingxing. As much as I do not wish for Jing Yuan’s name to be dragged through dirt, it is currently our quickest solution. Unfortunately for us, that is exactly what we need. We don’t have that much time left if we want to get rid of the problem and prevent more damage from being done. Jing Yuan, tell me, what needs to be done.”

“Once the rumours start spreading and they start letting their guard down around me, you should invite Chief Zhao and have him monitor me. Tell him of your suspicions that I am the one that has betrayed Xianzhou. Give him your trust. He knows in his heart who the real culprit is and wouldn’t waste his previous time on me.”

Teng Xiao nods.

“Yingxing, I will need the rest of the Quintet to keep their distance from me for those few days. You cannot be seen around me, that way it will truly drive home the idea that we are no longer on good terms. It will make me appear even more suspicious.”

Yingxing scowls.

“It will only be for a few days, don’t miss me too much alright?”

Yingxing looks like he's about to give Jing Yuan an earful. “Ok, but who will spread the rumour?”

Jing Yuan thinks for a second. “Baiheng-jie would be a good choice. Everybody loves her and anything she says will be treated like the absolute. Other than that, I don’t think anyone other than her could pull it off. The rest of you are nowhere near charismatic enough to sell the lie convincingly.”

“First of all I could. Second of all, Baiheng will not agree.”

“...She will.”

***

“Absolutely not!” Well, Jing Yuan had not been expecting that as an answer. Yingxing smirks at him. 

“Baiheng-jiejie please, we don’t have that much time left and we really need to dig out those bastards.” Jing Yuan all but pleads. If he adds a pout into his voice well, that’s because Baiheng had always been weak to that tone of his.  

“Yuan-er, I’m sure with that brain of yours there are many other ways for you to get Zhao to fall into a different trap. I will not have you run around throwing all your hard work away for a plan that might not even work.” She ignores him.

Jing Yuan has no other choice then. He gently tugs on her sleeves. If he must wear his heart on his sleeve for it to work then…so be it. 

“Baiheng-jie, of course there are other ways. You know I wouldn’t use such methods unless we needed to. The Denizens are closing in on us each passing day, and I need to do what I must to ensure as little people lose their lives as possible. Please Baiheng, I can’t disappoint them.” The honesty in his voice slips out of him easily. It is easy for him to be himself, to speak what he feels when he is with them. 

Baiheng pauses and turns around, as if ready to retort Jing Yuan until she sees the look on his face. He has done his best to look like “a kicked puppy.” This has always worked on Baiheng.

“I...You...UGH!” She rips her sleeve out of Jing Yuan’s grasp. 

“You little brat, when will you learn that you can’t always get what you want! You’re not a kid anymore, seriously!” Jing Yuan looks down. 

A moment of silence. He has won.

“Fine!”

Yingxing is exasperated at the exchange being displayed right in front of him. Surely Baiheng’s will has never been this weak? “Bai-Heng! Why are you letting him sway you?!”

Baiheng bites her lips, “he, does have a point. Do we not fight for our people everyday? For our home? If he has decided that this is a trade that is worth it then who am I to stand in the way.”

Jing Yuan lets out a smile, “thank you, Baiheng-jie.” 

He watches with amusement as her face contorts into a multitude of expressions. Aggressively she points at him, “but! Next time I expect you to figure it out earlier so you don’t have to pull this stunt again. Do. You. Understand?”

“Yes, Baiheng-jie.”

Baiheng lets out a sigh, “Yuan-er, you really need to start prioritizing yourself more.”

She leaves without giving him a chance to respond.

***

Baiheng is seated at the tea-shop. She heaves out a heavy sigh as she sips her cup of tea. She has been here for the last two hours wearing a solemn expression on her face.

“Baiheng xiao jie, what seems to be troubling you at such an early hour on this beautiful day?” It is Liu Shu, the storyteller at the tea shop.

She lets out another weary sigh, “it’s Jing Yuan. He’s been…different.”

Liu Shi gives her a considering look, “the Cloud Knight’s Lieutenant? He is beloved by almost all of Luofu. What could he have possibly done?”

“It’s just, these days he seems, enamored by the Abundance. Out on the battlefield, his gaze stays too long on the abominations. There is…there is a look of admiration in them.”

Liu Shu’s eyes widen, “that is quite concerning.”

Baiheng shakes her head, “nevermind, I must be overthinking things. Thank you for the tea, and for listening to my worries Liu Shu Xiansheng. I’ll be off for today then!”

“Take care Baiheng xiao jie.”

***

It has been two days since Baiheng visited the tea shop. Teng Xiao has allowed the news of missing parts in the armory to spread. Whispers quickly litter the streets for the people of the Luofu.

“Someone has stolen from the Cloud Knights armory”

“I heard it is the Lieutenant! Baiheng had been the one that had said he was suspicious”

“No way, if Baiheng had said it then surely it’s true?”

“There he is!”

“Look at him, walking as if he isn’t one of them.”

“Walking with his head held high as he pursues immortality”

“Why hasn’t Teng Xiao done anything yet?”

“Must be too difficult to just get rid of the Lieutenant. Nobody else has his military abilities in their ranks”

“Tch, just get rid of him, there are plenty of fish in the sea to choose from, what makes him so special?”

There are watchful eyes on him wherever he walks on the streets. It does not matter. He is far too old, and has been under these heavy gazes for centuries. Every choice, every decision of his made to be evaluated, scorned, criticized. A lazy General. A General with no Ambition. A General who only knows how to doze. He has long grown used to these stares. He has long grown used to the whispers. Though his people had learned to love him over the years, there were still people who resented him. He endured it all.

This is nothing to him. 

Teng Xiao’s secretary, Lin Xiu has constantly lingered around him. One to raise the suspicions and unease in citizens. Two, so Teng Xiao also has an extra pair of eyes to report the findings to him. 

When night falls he heads to his home. He writes down the names of all those that had directly or indirectly exposed their affiliation with the Abundance thinking Jing Yuan would be on their side. 

A particularly loose tongued knight had shared quite the important information with him. Two days from today, they are planning a “heist” for some “goods” at noon and have told Jing Yuan to meet them at the armory. How bold of them to do it in broad daylight. Jing Yuan trusts Liu Xin to pass the message to Teng Xiao. 

There is a sudden sound at his window. A hooded figure has entered. He carefully reaches for his glaive, but stops when he sees a strand of light hair fall out of the hood. With a closer look, he sees the wrinkle that gently adorns the features of said intruder.

“Yingxing-ge, what are you doing here? What if someone had caught you coming inside? You don’t want to be seen with me now-.”

Yingxing pulls him into a tight hug. Jing Yuan lets out a light laugh and pats his back.

“It’s been two days, surely you haven’t missed me that much?”

Yingxing lets out a long, tired sigh. “If I hear another word out of their dirty mouths, I can’t promise you that they will be able to talk after I’m done with them.”

“Haha, surely you don’t plan on cutting their tongues off.”

“...”

“Y-Yingxing-ge???”

“We are never going through with one of your plans again.” Finally, Yingxing pulls away and takes a good look at Jing Yuan. 

“I’m fine Yingxing, really.” Truly Jing Yuan does not know how else to reassure Yingxing that these people’s words no longer bother him. It has been far too long since they have. 

Yingxing frowns, “that does not make me feel any better you brat. Their words might not hurt you, but they’re hurtful things being said about the person I love. About the person who is at this moment, allowing them to say these hurtful things in hopes that their loved ones out on the battlefield will live to see them again. Whose hard work and planning will never outweigh the baseless rumours that are spread by people with too much time on their hands. People who are ignorant, who know nothing.” Yingxing takes a breath to calm himself. “I hope you know that I am never tolerating something like this again.”

The sincerity in Yingxing’s voice and words leaves Jing Yuan speechless for a moment. He has not heard Yingxing so upset since…Well, he actually does not remember the last time Yingxing has sounded so upset. 

But…Jing Yuan, has not been loved in so long. He hasn’t been given such intense love in centuries. He doesn’t know what to do with it.

He makes an empty promise in response.

“Ok, I promise this will be the last time.” 

The battle against Phantylia flashes before his mind.

Lies.

They whip their heads around when the window creaks open again. It is enveloped in a soft teal glow as it is eased open and three hooded figures slip in.

“Thank you Dan Feng,” Baiheng takes the hood off and charges towards Jing Yuan. “How have you been my little bird? You’ve been eating well right? Taking care of yourself properly? Do you need me to beat up those people on the streets once this is over?”

“Baiheng.” Both Jingliu and Dan Feng have a fond smile on their faces.

Jing Yuan feels…He feels so warm.

“You guys…”

“What, don’t tell me you weren’t expecting a visit from us some time.” Baiheng flashes him one of her bright smiles.

Dan Feng comes over and also pulls him into a hug, “we’ve missed you, A-Yuan.” He pulls away and wryly smiles at him.

“Jing Yuan,” Jingliu says, “you are, so stupid.” Her words are harsh, but her voice is unusually gentle. 

There is a burning feeling in his chest. It feels good. It feels light. 

He feels happy. 

These are the people he is going to lose

His heart aches. 

***

Teng Xiao has done his part and baited Chief Zhao with his trust. Now, the cloud knights lie hidden, waiting for Chief Zhao. 

Soon enough, he shows up at the armory, with an alarming amount of knights trailing him. They all enter without a hitch. 

After 2 hours have passed, Chief Zhao exits.

The Cloud Knights come out of hiding, detaining their “fellow” comrades. 

“What is the meaning of this!”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that, Chief Zhao?” 

His eyes widen, “General Teng Xiao, Lieutenant Jing Yuan, what-”

One of Yingxing’s crafts drops and clutters onto the ground.

The arrest is quick and swift. Everything goes according to plan.

They are thrown into shackling prison.

Teng Xiao looks at Jing Yuan with an approving look.

“Nice job, Jing Yuan.”

***

A week later. They receive news of their spies being discovered and rooted out of the Abundance’s ranks. There is not much Jing Yuan could have done to prevent this, but their lives still weigh heavily on his conscience. 

However, unlike the last time a familiar face makes it back, her life hangs on by a thread. She is the most skilled among them, and yet she has barely made it back in one piece. 

“Jin Yu!” Chief Jiang runs over and Jin Yu collapses into her arms. She sags in Chief Jiang’s arms as if all the strength had been drained from her. As if it is finally safe enough to let her guard down. Jin Yu gently caresses Chief Jiang’s face, as if it could wash away the grief drawn all over her face. Jing Yuan’s heart aches for them. It is a pain he is all too familiar with. 

Jin Yu…is a close friend of Chief Jiang’s in public, and lovers behind closed doors. Jing Yuan remembers now. Chief Jiang had become a ferocious force on the battlefield after Jin Yu passed. Mastery forged out of grief. How familiar. Perhaps it is in the nature of a warrior to grieve in such a way. 

“They told me…they told me to return a message to Luofu’s Lieutenant.” 

With that, the last of Jin Yu’s strength is gone. The light fades from her eyes. Clutched in her hands is a letter

Chief Jiang carefully eases the folded paper out of Jin Yu’s hand. With her arms trembling from her sobs, she passes it to Jing Yuan. 

He stares intently at the paper, and carefully unfolds it. He gulps. He knows, he has not done enough. Jin Yu lays dead in Chief Jiang’s arms at this very moment. He has not done enough.

He reads the letter. 

‘To the esteemed Lieutenant of Luofu, successor of Teng Xiao,

We regret to inform you that your little stunt did not work. It truly was a spectacle. I must say I am impressed that you dug us up so wholly. 

We thank Luofu’s forgemaster for the parts. Truly, this is the most beautiful craftsmanship I have seen in this long life. 

As thanks, heed this advice, Lieutenant.

This war between Yaoshi and Lan will never end. There will always be those who crave immortality. Why waste your time hunting down numbers that will forever grow, when you can grow with us?

Perhaps those friends of yours will understand better than you, the true beauty in seeking immortality. You are far too righteous for your own good.

To us, that always goes into a battle for a war long lost,

Yours truly,

~  ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼

The paper creases and wrinkles with Jing Yuan’s grip.

“Tch. surely they don’t believe that we would be foolish enough to pursue immortality.” 

If only you knew…

But how? How do they know?

“Yingxing,” Jing Yuan says, his voice unusually shaky, “we need to check the weaponry right now.” 

Yingxing agrees without hesitation.

As they leave, he turns his head around and he looks at Chief Jiang. Silent tears roll down her face, a kiss planted on her dead lover's forehead. 

It is an intimate and private moment. He shouldn’t have intruded.

But…

It is a silent promise made.

A promise for retribution. Vengeance. 

He looks away. 

…

“The purpose of the parts they had taken is quite obvious. They’re creating some far reaching projectile. If correctly executed, perhaps a long ranged weapon. But…surprisingly enough these parts are most effectively used on ground. Though, given the landscape of where this next battle will take place, it makes sense that they are making a ground-based weapon. It would not be very plausible to be deployed in the air. What does concern me is the curio they have taken. That can be used for implementing and igniting a fire. A flamethrower.”

Jing Yuan lets out a breath. It had been like this last time too. 

“Thank you Yingxing. I’ll figure something out.”

At least now he’s sure, the weapon is still an artillery. He can plan accordingly.

…

The battlefield has been mapped out. Dan Feng and Jingliu contribute insights while Yingxing and Baiheng listen intently, taking into account all possible details and routes that can be taken alternatively if anything goes wrong. Teng Xiao overlooks the planning for this 

“The west end of the battle-field is the most ideal area to place the artillery. I will go and take it down.”

The four of them shoot him a look.

“Jing Yuan, are you sure?” Baiheng asks. He nods. “Risks have to be taken and that way it would be easier to work around the overall battlefield. Over here,” Jing Yuan points to another place on the map, “this perfectly sets up our marksmen to provide cover and fire onto the main field. It can easily divert from the west battlefield to the south if needed.” Baiheng nods, “roger that!”

“Ideally, we need to keep our formation rather wide and open, this way we can reduce the losses when we deal with whatever they may have created. It will create holes in our defenses against the troops. We will need to add in training for our knights to deal with this new setup. If it is successful, we can avoid too much damage being done while dealing with the ‘flamethrower’ that they have created. General?”

Teng Xiao hums, “I will see through with it.”

“General, this time I ask you to overlook the deployment of troops and constantly monitor the battle. If all goes well, then you will not need to appear on the battlefield.”

Teng Xiao nods, “you impress me more each day Jing Yuan. Perhaps it is soon time to pass the mantle of General onto you.” He pats Jing Yuan on the back, “you well and truly are no longer the little boy Jingliu had brought to me on that day.”

Jing Yuan smiles, “perhaps.”

He thinks of how the title had been passed down to him. Teng Xiao had gone during the sedition before he managed to officially pass the title down to Jing Yuan. How Jing Yuan had to fight for it because of his affiliations with the Quintet. How they didn’t trust him until the day he died, fearing his sentimentality. He thinks of the way Fu Xuan had probably taken over him, rushed and unprepared for the most part. 

Perhaps if you did, you could break this wretched curse.

Jing Yuan runs through the plan once more.

“Remember, the goal is for me to force my way through and get to the artillery. This will land me right into a horde of enemies along with the cloud knights that will breach their artillery first. Baiheng, I need you to help cover me during this time. Is the plan clear?”

“Clear.”

Once again, Jing Yuan hopes it is enough. He makes a silent prayer to the Aeons.

He knows it will go unanswered. 

***

They enjoy sparring in their free time. Since Jing Yuan had completed the Quintet, they had always challenged each other. Nobody else had managed to push them to higher limits in terms of their abilities. It was thrilling everytime they had clashed swords against the other, every time the results were uncertain.

(Until one day they started driving their weapons into the others’ hearts). 

Jing Yuan has tactically avoided Jingliu. 

He doesn’t know if he will be able to hold himself back if he spars against her. 

The crazed look in her eyes. She striked with the singular intent to kill. Precise but thoughtless. Jing Yuan knows she is not yet mara-stricken, but he cannot bring himself to face her. 

Jingliu had scolded him about his control with the glaive, his lack of patience with particular strikes that he could have taken more advantage of the first time around. He had learned a great deal but…no matter how much he had followed her teachings, everything still escaped his grasp.

“Jing Yuan, it is your turn today.” Jingliu personally challenges him to a spar. “Are you sure, shifu? I am sure Dan Feng would love to have a rematch with you.” 

Jingliu’s expression remains the same but something sparks in her eyes, “I wish to evaluate if there have been any improvements, Yuan-er. It has been much too long since we last sparred.” There is something in her voice, perhaps if Jing Yuan allows himself to be delusional enough, he could call it pride. 

“Alright then, master.” He takes a deep breath to steady himself.

He stands across from Jingliu. He doesn’t know if she can see the slight tremble in his hands when he readies his glaive. 

Dan Feng drops a ball of water. It splashes onto the floor. They lunge towards each other. 

Jing Yuan focuses on Jingliu’s eyes. Her gaze is calm and calculated. Nothing like the crazed desperation to demolish it had been. They are not fighting for their lives right now. This is a friendly spar. She is not trying to take his life, this is just a peaceful spar between him and his shifu. She only wishes to test his skills. Right now they are just a disciple and his master, challenging each other's strength. That was all to it.

And yet…

Jingliu leaps and strikes her sword, cutting straight down at Jing Yuan. They continue to strike and block each other’s advances. Jingliu is as light as the wind and with each of her strikes the air turns colder. She knocks him back and Jing Yuan readjusts his glaive before aiming it at her. It is deflected and suddenly he is dodging to his side. He stares as her sword misses his hair by a few strands. 

This is Jingliu. She is not mara stricken yet. She is fine. She is still in control…she

She presses forward. He moves back and prepares to block her strike. 

He brings his glaive up carelessly.

His mind flashes to all the times her sword had clashed with Blade’s. How it had clashed with his. How it had threatened their lives.

Jingliu pauses mid-strike. 

At Jingliu’s sudden halt, does Jing Yuan realize how unsteady he is. His breaths are ragged and his heart beats erratically. 

He quickly regains his composure and looks at Jingliu. Perhaps for a moment too long, he allows himself to observe the composed chill in her eyes, in her gaze. The ice solid stability of the swordchampion’s gaze finally allows him to let out a breath of relief. She is sane. She is sane. She is sane.

She will not attack him. She will not attack Luofu. 

She will not attack Yingxing. 

Jingliu breaks the silence, “You are holding back.” She looks at him, an unreadable expression on her face. “You are not one to hesitate, Yuan-er. You need to be focused for tomorrow, when we face down against the Borisin I expect you to cut them down without a second thought. Mind your control, do not let it slip your grasp.” 

Jing Yuan nods.

It has long escaped me

He thinks but does not dare say out loud. 

He has disappointed her. Even when given a second chance, he still manages to do so. 

A hand is gently placed on his shoulders. Jing Yuan turns his eyes and meets Yingxing. For a second they are both quiet. Once Yingxing seems to find whatever he was looking for in Jing Yuan’s eyes, he speaks. “Hey, it’s just us. Nothing else right now ok? Just the five of us. Nothing more, nothing less. You’re safe right now.”

Perhaps he had let his emotions slip. Or, perhaps to Yingxing, the facade he wears is as clear as glass. 

“Thank you Yingxing-ge.”

***

The battle progresses exactly how they had planned. Teng Xiao at the back orchestrating the attacks and ensuring everything is still running accordingly. 

Jingliu and Dan Feng lead their troops in the East while Yingxing is placed with the northern troops and Baiheng in the south. The greatest assault will come from the west and east ends. 

He cuts the Borisin down one by one. His goal is to get to the artillery. It had previously broken formation and had greatly disadvantaged them resulting in a great number of losses. By the skin of his teeth, Jing Yuan had managed to escape death in this fight. Hopefully, it won’t be such a close call this time. He needs to be there to ensure that everything is going as he planned. 

He inspects the artillery. It is slower, and there are flaws. It does not attack them as relentlessly as it had back then. He wasn’t too late. They had yet to finish stealing all the pieces they needed.

The training they had done for the cloud knights seemed to be coming in handy. Most are able to avoid the fire that rains down on them and they are spaced almost perfectly to pressure the Borisin while avoiding the assault from the artillery. 

Despite everything working in his favour, his patience runs thin. He tries his best to focus but the anxiety of everything that he had possibly left unaccounted for leaves him distracted. 

Yet his strikes remain graceful and precise. He doesn’t allow himself to falter.

They are making far quicker progress than Jing Yuan remembers. At their current pace, the losses will be nowhere near as devastating as it had been the first time around. He quickly scans the battlefield. In the distance, arrows rain down on the Borisin in the backlines and around the artillery. The other battle groups are slowly inching their way forward. Everything is going according to plan, but Jing Yuan still has an uneasy feeling sitting in his stomach and-

The Borisins are suddenly retreating backward, his cloud knights are pushed too far in but there is no time for them to respond to his order to fall back. The Borisins have allowed them a large area on the battlefield to move in from. They are already too far in. 

“Shit!”

He rushes forward, trying to get to the artillery. There aren’t supposed to be this many Cloud Knights in such close proximity to the device when he’s still so far away. What could they possibly be planning? As he runs forward, he makes eye contact with one of the Borisin. He sees a twisted smile slowly being plastered across its face before it activates the curio within the artillery. 

Jing Yuan is violently thrown back. The air around them is hot. Where the artillery used to stand is now a large, charred area of the battlefield. Scattered around it is blood, and the bodies of Cloud Knights and Borisins alike. 

They had turned the artillery into an explosive.

The curio… Nobody has used the curio in such a way since Yingxing had invented it. 

Jing Yuan does his best to keep his eyes open, but every muscle in his body protests. He cannot move. 

He cannot do anything. 

All he can do as he fights to keep his eyes open is witness as the Borisin overwhelms their battalion. All of a sudden, he’s so tired. 

He closes his eyes and lets the darkness consume him.

***

He feels the throbbing in his head, spreading from his forehead to his temples. He registers the sterile scent of the room. Then he hears the hushed voices at his bedside, and finally he feels the hand on his and the chilling air around his head. He groans as he tries to get up, parts of himself feeling bruised while his head threatens to split. A hand gently presses down on his chest.

“Hey, it’s us.” Ah, this is Yingxing . He relaxes into the soft mattress. He’s in the infirmary. “Stay still.” A calm and elegant voice, Dan Feng. The cool air soon dissipates and he finds that his head doesn’t hurt as much. Slowly, he opens his eyes. The lights have been turned off, and the only light in the room are the sun rays that filter through the windows. 

He tries to speak but he dares not describe the way his voice croaks. He slowly sits up, gently guided by Yingxing and Dan Feng is on his side with a glass of water. 

He downs it in one go.

“Hey, that’s not even from Dan Feng’s stash, no need to hog it like that,” Yingxing says to him. But there’s no malice behind it, and the playfulness seems to bleed into concern. 

“Well if we’re comparing it to Dan Feng’s stash perhaps it is on par,” Jing Yuan retorts. 

“Must you two always bring me up as the subject of your bickering?”

“You’re an easy target.” “Make yourself less vulnerable.” 

Jing Yuan turns his head to Yingxing and they burst into laughter. Moments like these are nice, until he's interrupted by a sharp pain.

Jing Yuan leans forward by the unexpected stab in his head and the moment is over. 

As the pain fades, his mind clears.

The machinery, the explosion, the troops within the vicinity it’s…it’s-

“What happened…after the explosion?”

Dan Feng looks at him, “Yingxing and Baiheng had managed to divert in time to protect you and reduce the losses. They helped Teng Xiao redirect the troops to cover your side. He personally went on the field.”

“How…how severe were the losses?”

Dan Feng purses his lips and Yingxing lets out a sigh. He tightens his grip on Jing Yuan’s hands.

“We lost around 6500 frontline knights. Formation broke and many knights got overwhelmed. There was…some sort of paralysis agent used in the device. Everyone within the vicinity of the explosion had been temporarily paralyzed.” Yingxing purses his lips, “it seems…that they were targeting you for uprooting their plans.”

6500 losses within that small radius, yet he wasn’t one of them. Only coming out with a small concussion (like he had once before). He was their target, yet he came out of it alive. This must’ve also been…orchestrated by Fate. His hands clutch at the bedsheets. He had taken everything into account. Yet it wasn’t enough. He still lost the battle. What is his foresight worth in the face of Fate? It only goes as far as Fate will allow it to. Only reaches as far as he’s allowed to. 

“It’s not your fault,” Yingxing mellowly states, “your plans and strategies were flawless. But you cannot predict the future. Please don’t be so harsh on yourself. You did your best.”

Jing Yuan looks down. He does know of the future, he just can’t escape it, just like how he can’t escape the past. He cannot change the inevitable no matter how hard he tries. But he’s stuck…no. He’s living in the past right now, and he cannot let them find out the truth (and all his incapabilities). He chooses to smile.

“Alright then, thank you, Yingxing-ge, Feng-ge.” When he looks up, he sees them frowning. Yingxing tenderly cups his face, “the concussion must be worse than we thought if you’re not going to give me one of your witty responses.” Jing Yuan laughs the best he can. He had almost forgotten, last time this had gone down he had bickered with Yingxing even while concussed.

But he is no longer that Jing Yuan, and he…

“Sorry Yingxing-ge, I’m tired. The battle today wore me out more than I thought it would.”

Yingxing looks unconvinced and continues to look at him uncertainly. Dan Feng lets out another sigh, it seems that there is also a lot on his mind these days. “Get plenty of rest then, Jing Yuan. Yingxing, let's go check on the current situation with Teng Xiao.”

It’s as clear as day that Dan Feng doesn’t believe Jing Yuan either, but Jing Yuan is thankful he has decided to spare him today. Yingxing is reluctant to go, so Jing Yuan gently squeezes his hand.

“Go, I’ll take a nap.”

Yingxing nods and gets up, “get well quickly.”

When the two of them finally leave the room, he buries his face in his hands. He lets his hand fall back onto the pillows. Once again the chance to change Fate has slipped past his fingertips. Perhaps it had never been close to his grasp to begin with. He thinks about the next battle he must face and…

He cannot fail her. Nothing can happen to her. She has been through enough. Jing Yuan does his best to recall all that he can.

This is going to be his last chance.

He cannot mess up again.

***

Today is another peaceful day. A rare occasion with how overwhelming the number of battles they partake in have grown. 

Tonight, Jing Yuan and Yingxing spend the quiet night out on the terrace. There is a gentle breeze that accompanies the soft reflection of the moon. It reflects off the weaving waves from the sea. It’s breathtaking. It’s peaceful. 

Yingxing had brought him out. He had been cooped up in his room for days, stuck reading through scrolls that Dan Feng had brought him to kill time. Baiheng and Jingliu had often accompanied him when the other two were busy, but Jing Yuan really needed a breath of fresh air. 

After Dan Feng does a final check on Jing Yuan, he deems him well enough to be up and about again. Jing Yuan’s concussion has been dealt with (thanks to Dan Feng’s expertise). He’s glad he has a clear mind as he admires the scene before him.

Yingxing had wordlessly brought Jing Yuan out as if he knew Jing Yuan couldn’t stand staying inside anymore. Jing Yuan has missed having him around. He doesn’t remember the last time he had been so comfortable. He doesn’t remember the last time someone had done something for him without him uttering a single word. (For centuries, it had been his duty and responsibility to do these tasks without a second thought. For years, he had silently cared for the people around him, with no expectations of the sentiment being returned.)

“What are you two doing out here without me?” They turn their head around and Dan Feng is approaching them, a bottle of his bai jiu in hand and five cups adorned in a soft cerulean glow floats behind him. 

“Feng-ge! You know you’re always welcome to join us!” Jing Yuan cheerily responds. He’s in a good mood today.

Dan Feng places the wine and cups on the table. A hand finds its way onto Yingxing’s shoulder and his soft gaze falls on Jing Yuan, “not too much for you A-Yuan, I know you’ve recovered but don’t overdo it.” 

Jing Yuan hesitates for a moment, “lucky for you Feng-ge, I won’t be drinking tonight.” Dan Feng frowns at him, “I need to catch up on all the planning I haven’t gone through yet. I’m already behind.” Yingxing rolls his eyes, “you were up until late yesterday before Dan Feng gave you the ‘ok’ perfecting your plans because ‘I cannot let something happen again.’”

Dan Feng’s gaze snaps at him and Jing Yuan gulps, “Yingxing! How could you betray me like this! Plus, a plan can never be too fleshed out!”

Dan Feng lets out a sigh, “I can’t believe you encouraged his behaviour Yingxing. And here I thought you were the one immune to his antics.” His gaze shifts from Yingxing to Jing Yuan, “but A-Yuan, you really need to stop worrying so much. Whatever happens will happen, don’t risk your health for a few what-ifs and maybes.” Dan Feng takes a seat next to him, “we will be alright. But, if you don’t wish to drink we will not force you.” Dan Feng opens the jug of wine and pours it into two cups. “Yingxing?” They both pick up a cup and down the drink. 

“Unlike A-Yuan over here, I’m not one to pass up the chance of a good drink. Is this from that stash?”

“Mmn.”

“Nice.”

Jing Yuan gazes at the other two cups beside his own. 

“I’m sure once they find out we’re out here drinking, Baiheng will convince Jingliu to come join us,” Dan Feng answers.

Jing Yuan smiles and lets out a small, airy laugh.

“I’m sure Baiheng-jie will. Nobody can get Jingliu to let loose like she does.”

Dan Feng and Yingxing continue to share drinks with each other as they all laugh through the soft breeze of the night. He watches as Yingxing and Dan Feng’s eyes crinkle into crescents as they continue to talk of whatever comes to mind. Every now and then, Jing Yuan will join in. Perhaps some insults are thrown around, perhaps there will be some harsh words that veil the care hidden beneath it. Nobody knows except the three of them under the moonlit night. Only the clouds, and the moon in the night sky will bear witness to this moment they have together. Perhaps the water too, will hold their memory, and tuck them into the deepest depths of the ocean. 

Jing Yuan doesn’t wish to drink, not because he needs to plan. No. He simply cannot afford to let loose the grip he holds on his thoughts. They cannot spill out. Not yet. 

Tonight, he wishes to let himself laugh and smile with them. Why waste such a beautiful night? He has done all the planning, he has done all the thinking. If it doesn’t work out well…

“Guys! How dare you drink without us!” He smiles when he sees Baiheng. Her usual smile on her face as she heads towards them, Jingliu following closely behind.

Yingxing laughs, “nobody is stopping you from joining us, unless you’re scared your poor alcohol tolerance will show?” Yingxing smirks at Baiheng, but he gestures towards the two remaining cups sitting at the table. “You wish!” Jing Yuan lets out a small chuckle and watches as Yingxing turns his gaze towards the sky. He’s breathtaking. 

“Yuan-er, you’re not going to drink?” Baiheng asks, her ears perked and eyes staring at him intently. 

Dan Feng sighs, “something about wanting to have a clear head to strategize.”

With that, Baiheng barks out a laugh and shoves one of the cups in his hands.

“We’re not getting drunk, Yuan-er. Just a shared drink between all of us, for good luck!” She pauses and gives him a gentle smile, “you’ve already done enough planning. You’ve accounted for so much you’re giving Teng Xiao a run for his money as General. Relax. You’ve done all you can already, now enjoy this night with us hm?” 

Yingxing turns to face him, “there aren’t many nights as beautiful as this one, it’d be a shame if you didn’t share it with us you brat.” Yingxing smirks, “surely you could humour this old man with one drink?”

Jing Yuan smiles and shakes his head, “one drink then.” 

The five of them…drinking together.

“Cheers!”

How he’s missed this.

Jing Yuan watches as the four of them smile together. Laugh together. His gaze lands on Baiheng and…

Aeons help him he tries he really does, but he can’t stop his mind from turning. 

What will he do if he can’t save Baiheng? If he couldn’t change anything? If he lost them all again. He thinks about the Aeons, how he is nothing more than a disposable pawn in this game of chess. He cannot fail them. He has to learn how to stop that day from happening, and their battle against the great horde of Borisins will be the last chance he gets. It is the last battlefield before that fateful day where another one of his miscalculations had led to losses. Had left Baiheng severely injured.

(Lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t see the way Yingxing’s brows are furrowed at him. He doesn’t notice the gazes on his knuckles as it turns white with how tightly he is gripping onto the porcelain. He doesn’t see the way the Quintet exchanges worried looks with each other.)

***

This is Jing Yuan's last chance to change something . His gaze never leaves Baiheng and he has opted to cover her back this time. Fighting and commanding the army from further behind.
A group of Borisin will ambush their marksman. Baiheng was gravely injured and Jing Yuan had left this unaccounted for in his plan. Nobody expected the Borisins to isolate their marksmen. Thankfully, Dan Feng had summoned his cloudhyme and struck them down. Baiheng had been left hospitalized for days. They had been lucky enough that it was the last battle they had for a long time. But the one that followed was an ambush on Luofu and…

Jing Yuan doesn’t let his mind wander. He must first and foremost focus on protecting Baiheng. He had already failed his men twice. He cannot fail Baiheng (but the doubt weighs heavily upon him). This is the last time he will be given a chance to try before that dreaded day.

The swarm of Borisin is larger than he remembers, but they will be fine all the same. He wasn’t careless this time, not at all. He has never been more alert in his life than in this moment. He slashes through them with the precision, grace, and control that Jingliu had engraved into his very being. He protects and guards Baiheng as she fires arrows down from above. 

As expected, the ambush occurs. He just needs to hold out until Dan Feng can get to them. He will protect Baiheng with his life. 

His glaive cuts through them with deadly precision. Movement as light as a feather accompanied by a strike that could split the mountains.

His gaze never leaves Baiheng, she has adjusted to close combat. With each strike, Jing Yuan strategically inches closer to her while cutting down the Borisins one by one. 

He gets to her in time to block the attack aimed straight at her. Unfortunately for him, the Borisin had managed to get a hit on him…in the exact same spot he had been struck in the past. It’s not a deep cut, he’d even consider it a small scratch. Baiheng joins him, they fight flawlessly back to back. As two fighters that have long gotten used to adjusting to the violent advances of the other three, they flawlessly weave in and out of range to cover each other's back. 

But they are only two people. Jing Yuan does not have enough cover to summon Lightning Lord, he can only use some of Lightning Lord’s assistance with the crackles of lightning that accompanies each of his strikes. 

Baiheng too is struggling. There’s only so much she can do with a bow in close range, it is a feat in itself that she has managed to last so long. 

A Borisin leaps at Baiheng. She still has her back turned towards it and doesn’t have a proper weapon to block the attack. Jing Yuan won’t reach her in time unless…

He shoves her out of the way and brings his glaive up just in time to block. He has broken the formation the two of them had been working around.

Jing Yuan curses as he continues to cut down and dodge his enemies. He is outnumbered and he knows this. He looks over and is relieved to find Baiheng faring well against the Borisins. 

He focuses back onto the ones in front of him. They jump and claw at him, but their hasty and wild attacks are predictable. Jing yuan maneuvers around them gracefully. 

A strong strike that he blocks renders him immobile for a moment too long, it takes him a second too long to throw off this particularly strong Borisin. It takes him a second too long to recover. He doesn’t have time to block the attack incoming towards him. He can’t dodge this attack and he knows it. He has nowhere to go and he can’t bring his weapon upright fast enough. Another miscalculation. Another mistake. 

He braces himself for impact and does his best to reduce the damage done, at least this way-

“A-Yuan!”

In a split second, he sees a cloud of purple in front of him, a high-pitched scream, and Baiheng on the ground, a deep gash from her collar to her arms. 

It is the same injury she had gotten. Blood, there’s too much blood.

It is the same. It is the same…

It is the same…

No no no-

Not again.

Blood…so much blood

Blood on his hands

Baiheng’s life slipping away from his fingertips

The remnants of her purple hair

Her face as it fades into the depths of his memories.

No.

Jing Yuan sees red. The Borisins continue to advance on them. Jing Yuan does not think, cannot think.

You can’t die, you can’t die yet not yet. Not here, not now. 

He cannot let Baiheng die. Not here, not now, not when she’s supposed to have more time. 

Not when it’s because of him.

He doesn’t know how he cuts down each and every one of the Borisin. He can only hear the hammering of his heart, can only see Baiheng and guard her with his life, fighting off each and every foe that dares to approach them.

He hears a familiar hymn and watches as the Abominations are engulfed by an azure dragon. Only then, does he start to calm. 

His eyes scan for Baiheng, and Dan Feng is already there, healing her wound.

She’s ok. She’s ok. She’s alive she’s ok she’s-

“Jing Yuan.” He is snapped out of his thoughts of relief and met with the cold gaze of Jingliu.

“Is this the victory you sought after in your plans? Is this your so-called plan with ‘minimal damage?’” Her voice is cold. It’s so cold. So distant. Jing Yuan shivers.

“Jingliu,” they all turn to face Baiheng, “please, not now. Later, not now.” Dan Feng carefully picks her up.

He watches as they walk away from him.

You’re always so far away.

Their backs turned to him. 

Don’t turn away, not now. Not so soon. I’m sorry, please…

They’re leaving…again.

You will leave me. And…

It’s my fault. It’s my fault it’s my fault it’s-

“Jing Yuan.” 

He snaps back to reality, and he sees the intense gaze Yingxing has on him. For a second he thinks that perhaps Yingn Xing is concerned, but with what just happened to Baiheng that couldn’t possibly…Lost for a moment, he then turns his head and looks around. The Borisin have been exterminated. Bodies. Everywhere. Not just of the Borisin, their own soldiers too, lie scattered among the battlefield. Every time, Jing Yuan manages to fail someone.

He cannot protect the people he loves. He cannot protect the people with their own loves, with families and loved ones waiting for them to return. 

He couldn’t protect Baiheng. How will he protect her when…

“Jing Yuan stop.” He does his best to focus on Yingxing’s voice.

“Yingxing…” he wishes to say more. But his voice fails him. His words fail him. 

What words should he use to express the distaste he feels in his mouth? What words can be used to describe the weight of each and every life lost on his whims? The weight of each life lost that he has carried for centuries?

He failed. He’s failed. He’s only ever failed. Time and time again he’s failed every life lost on the battlefield. He’s failed every life lost from his miscalculations. He’s failed every life that was counting on him to rewrite their fate. 

He’s failed them. 

“You’re thinking too loud again. You’re thinking too much.” Yingxing is too kind, too soft to him. He dares not look him in the eyes.

“Let’s go, we’ll talk about this later.”

Jing Yuan can only nod. Even a small word of affirmation gets stuck in his throat, unable to leave him. 

Yingxing gently takes his hand and guides him away from the battleground. His touch is tender, gentle and soothing. It’s not enough to rid Jing Yuan of his thoughts, but it’s enough to bring him out of his meaningless trance.

***

He hisses as the alcohol makes contact with his skin. He takes a look at the cut. Doesn’t need stitches . Once he bandages it up, he heads over to the infirmary.

He hears voices before he enters the room. 

They’re arguing.

It goes silent once the doors open. When he enters, there are four pairs of eyes watching his every move. Baiheng’s always kind, and she beckons him over despite keeping a distance from the others. 

“I…”

Jingliu is of course the first to comment on his failures. “Baiheng stop this. He got you into this situation, he should take responsibility for it. I don’t understand why you’re still coddling him, he’s already a lieutenant. He’s no longer a child.” 

“He was in that position to begin with because he was protecting me! I chose to jump in front of him, Jingliu!” Baiheng hisses in pain. Jingliu is immediately by her side but when she reaches out for Baiheng, Baiheng only pulls her arms back, out of reach.

“Baiheng-jie, don’t move around too much, you’ll irritate your injuries.” Baiheng sighs, “A-Yuan, it really is not as bad as it looks, please stop worrying so much about it. I made my choices and I can live with them.”

Dan Feng scoffs, “You wouldn’t have had to make that choice if he properly defended himself.” 

Baiheng looks furious, but her gaze is directed at the sword champion and the high elder. “This isn’t fair, how could he have-”

He doesn’t hear the rest. Of course. He understands the malice directed towards him, because they can’t afford to lose Baiheng. But it still hurts, more than he ever thought it could, more than it did back then. He lets out a desperate laugh, which only fuels Jingliu and Dan Feng’s fury as they whip their heads towards him. They won’t understand, they will never understand, and he feels so, so powerless. He was always meant to be powerless. To do nothing .

Yingxing…doesn’t say a word, but he doesn’t need to for Jing Yuan to understand everything behind his gaze. Frustration, anger, but mostly disappointment.

Scream at me. Lash out at me. Inflict harm upon me. Anything is better than your disappointed gaze. Anything is better than your silence and unspoken words. 

Jing Yuan can’t help but wonder if this is how Blade felt when his pleas for an explanation were left unanswered. 

“Jingliu is right, it is my fault.”

And that will never change,

Dan Feng snarls. “Jing Yuan, can you take this seriously? We can’t afford to make mistakes, not at a time like this.” 

“You’re a Lieutenant now Jing Yuan, and perhaps one day you will be more than that. You should start acting like it.” 

No matter what I do, it’ll always end the same way.

“No, you don’t understand, no matter what I do, this would have happened, I…I can’t do anything…you don’t-”

“No,” Jingliu cut in. “You’re just trying to find excuses for what happened today.” She stared at him, eyes cold and distant. As always, the Moon is always out of the Sun’s reach. “You were incapable today. No disciple of mine will use such a flimsy excuse to pardon his shortcomings on why he allowed his comrades to get hurt.” 

“Perhaps I had let loose on your training. Baiheng got hurt, and that is on you. Your shortcomings are starting to show.”

Hypocrite. You hypocrite. 

You are the one who drove your sword through your comrades, over and over again. 

You are the one that has backed our home into a corner.

You are the reason I perished in battle.

Not once did I turn my back on you. Not once did I turn my back on any of you. But all I’ve ever gotten in return was the twisting of my heart. You play with me as if it were the easiest thing in the world. Yet I still love you all so much that it bleeds out of me. 

Is this…destined to be my life?

“I expect you to double your drills,” Jingliu demands, “and for you to come up with a solution to all your short sighted decisions that were made today. Until I find myself satisfied, you are to not slack off in your training.”

“Starting today, your drills will be doubled. On top of that, you will write a complete report of your short-sights with solutions to each and every one of them until I am satisfied with the result.”

Jing Yuan is brought back to reality (out of the depths of his poisonous mind). He sees the ugly stares that are directed at him, (he knows this is just frustration that has no where else to go). He looks at Jingliu and…how had he not noticed in the past?

The crazed look hidden in the depths of her steady, unshakably cold gaze. 

This was when the mara started for her. Because of what happened to Baiheng, because of what I had failed to protect…Because of what I cannot protect.

He looks to the ground, closes his eyes, and lets out a smile.

He gathers himself and looks up. He nods, wordlessly accepting the drills Jingliu had given to him in her fit of rage. 

He looks at Baiheng, lying in the hospital bed. She looks too fragile . Jing Yuan is reminded of her fate, her inevitable doom, but he cannot bring himself to look away. This is someone who Jing Yuan loses without even an echo of them remaining in the waking world. 

That too, will be how his end arrives. (How poetic and sweet that it ends the same way as Baiheng’s did).

“I will make up for my shortcomings.” He responds to Jingliu, but his eyes never leave Baiheng’s.

 “I’m so, so sorry. I wish, one day…I will be able to make it up to you.” He knows this is an empty promise, but he wishes to make it known to Baiheng. So at least she will know he had tried his damned hardest. So at least someone will know that he tried. Even if nobody in this world will remember. 

“Jing Yuan…”

Nothing he has done has changed anything. 

One day, Baiheng will be gone and her soul will suffer through great pain before she turns to a vidyadhara. 

One day, Dan Feng will turn into Dan Heng, where he will turn away from Luofu, away from him, and never look back.

One day, Jingliu will be the one that brings ruin upon the home that she had taught him to protect.

One day, Yingxing will become Blade. He will lose his humanity, lose his burning passion, but most of all, lose his sense of self. He will forge himself into a Blade that is sharpened through death. He will forget him, and this family of theirs. 

They all will forget. This place where they had once shared drinks. This place that they had called home. 

He’s fighting a losing battle. 

Jing Yuan feels something break in his chest.

He turns and leaves without giving them a chance to respond. He has drills that need to be completed and a mind that needs to be silenced. 

***

Yaoshi, ever elegant and soft, speaks. “The reason why those two mortals’ plan failed was not because they weren’t powerful enough to kill me, but because Fate willed that I keep living. I am to make it to the end of this story and bless those that I love with life until the last light shines down on this beautiful world.”

Nous continues, “we have made similar deals in the past. All of them failed. Fate, in this world, is what you mortals consider the butterfly effect. But there is, perhaps, a chance that a split moment decision, a sacrifice or action taken by a human that even Fate could not have predicted, can alter reality enough to defy them. It is perhaps an impossible task, but there will always be someone who is willing to pay the price. It has been countless centuries since we’ve witnessed someone be burdened with such great regrets looming over them.” 

‘Great regrets huh?’ Jing Yuan thinks. The deep blue sea being painted with multiple hues of oranges and reds crosses his mind. The moon that reflects the light of the Sun at night. The clouds that accompany the moon and protect the skies in a warm blanket. The stars that twinkle, that everybody wishes upon. The gentle sea that is only calm in the presence of the sun, moon, stars, and clouds. A beautiful place for spider lilies and lotuses to bloom. Perhaps a few chrysanthemums too. 

What a beautiful tragedy that awaits. 

***

The moon hangs high in the sky as the waves crash over each other on this peaceful night. Yet Jing Yuan’s mind seemed to loathe him more than usual. He has snuck into Dan Feng’s stash of fine white wine. He remembers his training with Jingliu tomorrow (not that he needs it anymore). He is sure he will be in trouble, but the first few centuries after the fallout he had needed the alcohol to get through difficult nights. Even on the night when Blade had visited the shackling prison, he had allowed himself some alcohol to drown out the pain. Nobody noticed, not Yanqing, not Fu Xuan, not Qingzu, so he’ll be fine. He can get away with it. (But they are no High Cloud Quintet, they are not the same family he had back then, and no one can see through him the way they always did). 

He looks up at the starless night and lets out a hollow laugh. On this lonely night, where the stars have shied away and the clouds don’t blanket the moon leaving it alone, does he allow himself to have a drink? Only when the waves crash over each other, does he finally let his mind wander. 

Can the Aeons see him right now? If so, what do they think of his performance? This play was set for him to take center stage. He was always meant to be the singular actor for this lonely performance. Has it satisfied Aha? Has it satisfied the Aeons? Has it satisfied Fate yet? Is it entertaining to watch a man chase after a future that does not, cannot, exist? Jing Yuan pours himself a full cup, and downs it in one go.

Jing Yuan wouldn’t consider himself a pessimist or cynical person, but with this endless cycle of solo performances, he can’t help but wonder. Wonder if Fate had truly intended for him to suffer time and time again. To play a role that no one wishes to stand or stay beside. He ponders, and he ponders. And with each thought, he drowns himself with the alcohol that lets loose these thoughts.

Jing Yuan thinks that perhaps Fate had deemed him to be the lonely character in its script, to have solitude out of his reach. Why hand him such beautiful memories only to take them away? If the lives of all these people are truly just one big play for the Aeons and Fate itself to fight over, treated so meaninglessly, then why leave him as the one with the shattered heart? Why leave him to bear the burdens of the memories? Of the knowledge and wits he never asked for? Jing Yuan can’t help but wonder. He lets out a crazed laugh. Perhaps his miserable self-loathing will cause even Aha to stop laughing. 

“Jing Yuan”

He perks up at the voice, “Yingxing-ge!” He lets out a little giggle, his heart always feels fuller with him around. At the sight of Yingxing, his previous troubles are quickly forgotten, tucked back into his mind as his sole focus turns to the man before him. 

“What are you doing, drinking out here at this hour? You know Jingliu and Dan Feng will be pissed if they find out.” Jing Yuan would be concerned if not for the warmth he feels when Yingxing scolds him like this. 

“Of course I know,” his smile drops a bit

I don’t have much time left to worry about that . 

A breath hitches.

“Jing Yuan you’ve had too much to drink, come on let's go-”

“No, hehe.” His smile falters. “Have you come here to scold me too? I’m sorry about Baiheng-jiejie, I really am. I thought I had accounted for everything…I’m sorry for my shortcomings.”

Yingxing shakes his head. He sighs and sits beside Jing Yuan. He looks at Yingxing. He’s beautiful like this, with the soft glow of the moon shining across his face, despite appearing older. The soft wrinkles painting his features only makes him more beautiful in Jing Yuan’s eyes, the proof of life. A proof of his long life as a short-life species, the callouses that adorn his hands signifying all that he has achieved in this short time. Yingxing is beautiful, in every way a person can be. Jing Yuan’s love for him comes easier than every breath he takes, and every second he counts. Regardless of his name, regardless of his appearance, regardless of his status, Jing Yuan will love him. 

Yet all that love amounts to nothing when he couldn’t have done more for him. Jing Yuan’s eyes go out of focus as the memories wash over him once again. He can’t see Yingxing’s face anymore.
I wish you had someone more reliable. 

It should have been someone else to protect you.

I want, someone who can do more to be there for you.

I hope, this time, with someone else to make up for all I couldn’t do, you will be able to find peace of mind. 

He holds his breath when a soft thumb brushes away the tears falling down his face. Jing Yuan gently swats it away. He can’t bear it right now. Not when his thoughts threaten to consume him at every turn. He drowns himself in another cup and his vision swims. He feels himself sway a little in his seat and giggles. He likes letting himself go, he likes how relaxed he currently feels.

“Jing Yuan, let’s play a game.” Jing Yuan tilts his head to the side, a habit of his. 

“What game?”

Through his haze, he thinks he sees Yingxing smile at him. Is that fondness?

“Ours,” Yingxing looks at him fondly. He has missed this look on Yingxing. “Remember the game we used to play as kids? We ask each other yes or no questions and you answer with a tap?” Yingxing smiles, but his eyes don’t seem to ignite the way they usually do. How odd Jing Yuan thinks to himself. What could possibly dim the fiery passion in Yingxing gege’s eyes? Jing Yuan does not think too much of it, he remembers this game from their childhood and has missed it dearly. He giggles as he reminisces at the memories and nods. “One tap for ‘no’ and two taps for ‘yes’, alright?” He gives Yingxing another nod. 

Jing Yuan doesn’t know what to ask yet, so he looks at Yingxing expectantly, eyes droopy with a (goofy) smile on his face. 

“Have you tripped over yourself yet today?”

Tap 

“Yingxing-gege, so mean.” He pouts and Yingxing laughs.

“Did you lose to Jingliu again?”

Tap tap . 

“You brat. One for one huh? Is Baiheng-jie planning another prank?”

Tap tap.

“What are you two up to this time?”

“Yingxing ge that’s a question~. It’s my turn. Are you sure you’re not mad at me?” 

Tap tap.  

“Did you empty the bottle?”

Tap.

Jing Yuan pouts,

“Did you come here just to scold me?”

Tap.

“Is there something on your mind?”

Tap tap.

“...” A heavy pause.

“Jing Yuan?”

“Do you hate me?”

Tap

“You know that I could never hate you, right?”

Tap

Jing Yuan sees Yingxing’s arm tense.

“Would you hate me if I betrayed you? Betrayed your trust?”

Yingxing hesitates.

Tap.

“Is there anything you’re not telling me?”

Tap tap

“Have you ever wished you could change the things you did?”

Tap tap.

“You know something we don’t, don’t you?”

Tap tap.

“...”

“Jing Yuan?”

“That’s a question Yingxing-ge,” Jing Yuan laughs, and answers in response.

Tap tap.

“My turn now hehe...Will you miss me if I leave?”

Tap tap.

“Are you going to leave?”

Tap tap.

“Will you mourn for me if I go?”

Tap tap.

“Will I be able to follow you, wherever it may be?”

Tap.

“Will you remember me?”

Tap tap.

Jing Yuan smiles, tears pricking from his eyes. He takes Yingxing’s hand and holds it over his arm.

Tap.

“...”

You can’t remember me. One day, I will be completely wiped from this world, and it will all be for nothing. 

But what is worse is that I cannot save you.

His eyelids feel heavy and he lurches forward, only to be safely held in a familiar embrace. The other person gently guides his head onto their shoulders where Jing Yuan lets out a shaky breath. He owes this man so much, yet he will never properly pay him back for it, he can only try.

Jing Yuan takes a deep breath in to take in Yingxing’s scent. He has missed Yingxing, he has missed this. He misses when he could call the things the two of them did with “us” and “we” instead of “you” and “I.”

But he cannot indulge, not when the future he knows is still there, when he had allowed Yingxing, allowed Blade to suffer. “I’m sorry, Yingxing, I’m so so sorry.” Like a mantra, he apologizes, hoping that it makes up for something. Like a mantra, he apologizes, and apologizes, until his throat is dry, in hopes that one of the apologies will get through to Yingxing, (and maybe if he says it enough it will get to Blade too). 

He can’t do anything to change Fate. He can’t do anything to stop what is happening. 

It’s all hopeless . 

I’m so tired.

He chants until the tears falling down his cheeks stain his pale face and his eyes fall close. Perhaps in his wildest dreams, he can imagine a gentle, calloused hand lightly carding through his hair, holding him close as he falls asleep in a familiar embrace. 

***

“People cannot just turn back time, even Aeons. There is a price to be paid for what is to be done. An exchange equal to all the rules that you bend and break.”

Jing Yuan looked at them.

“~Ah, ah, ah, I for one don’t wish to pay any price. I still have my fools running around putting on shows for me!”

“You will be the sole bearer of the consequences.”

That…sounds oddly familiar to him. 

“I am willing to do anything.”

Nanook raises their eyebrows.

“Even if it means you cease to exist?”

Jing Yuan looks at them questioningly, as if challenging them to question his resolve.

“I’ve already died once.”

Yaoshi gives him a piteous look while Aha laughs at him.

Aha grandly gestures their hand, “surely the Divine Foresight would know better than anyone that Fate would ask for more in exchange?”

Of course Jing Yuan knew, but even he had his limitations with the knowledge he obtained. What could he possibly have to offer that would give him the ability to go back in time?

“Death would be far too simple of a price to pay.” Nous explains. “You will be ‘deleted’ from this world. If this were a video game, then your files would be removed for good. There will be no trace that you ever existed. Not you, not your soul, not the memories. Nothing.”

Jing Yuan’s eyes widened alarmed.

“But if that were to happen-”

Nous cuts him off, “Fate likes their script. They will stick to it through and through. If one piece is gone they will find another piece to replace it. You must understand what this means right?”

Jing Yuan is still suspicious. 

Nous sighs. “We know this because we have seen this with our very own eyes. We have not forgotten a single one of the deals we made. But we are Aeons, and those bound to the mortal world cannot remember things the way we do.”

“That still doesn’t explain how I could possibly intervene with Fate. You said it yourself, it’s no easy task.”

Lan answers this time. “The battlefield is where the most drastic changes happen. Perhaps, a split second decision has the chance to alter one's fate, even if not written in them. That is what we believe.”

Jing Yuan closes his eyes. “Why me?” He asks, though he knows the answer to that question.

“Isn’t it simple?” Yaoshi starts, their heart aches for him, “our gazes have fallen upon you because you are kind, and you love. And to love is to sacrifice. There is someone in your heart, who you would trade anything for. Yet you have morals, and cannot let the innocent die. A living paradox if you will, a madman for love and life. So what if you can give something to him, without the consequences? Would you do it?”

All he hears is, ‘how far are you willing to go to rewrite his ending?’

***

The drills…help. It distracts him from what is to come. It keeps him busy. His entire focus is on the drills, and it isn’t until his surroundings turn colder does he notice Jingliu’s presence.

“Shifu”

Jingliu gives him a look, “Jing Yuan, how are the drills coming along?” 

Ah, of course. What else would he expect from his shifu, always so objective and distant. Yet he knows, she doesn’t dare let him close. She knows what he will have to do one day. She has always known.

“If I too become stricken in times hereafter, you must not hold back.”

How cruel. 

“They are coming along. The number of losses could have been prevented had we numbered the troops off better. Our divisions weren’t adequately planned out and with you, Dan Feng, and Yingxing at the frontlines, it would have been fine to spare some more troops to guard our flank.” Jing yuan continues, and like that, he fixes all the issues that would have given way to more holes in his plans no matter how hard he tried to patch them up. 

But for now, if it satisfied Jingliu’s anger, then it would be enough. He can’t afford for the lingering Mara in Jingliu to be aggravated. She is still his master at the end of the day. She played the greatest hand in aiding him, building his skills up with her own hands from nothing. 

Yet, the walls she put up were always too high for him to breach, no matter how hard he tried to climb over. Eventually, he stopped trying. If this was what his master truly wished for, he would respect it.

“Take a break, Yuan-er. We have another invasion planned for tomorrow, the additional drills start after.” Her voice is distant, cold. It doesn’t feel like she’s talking to him, like she’s far away, lost in her thoughts.

His heart aches. “Of course, shifu.” Perhaps now more than ever he yearns for all that he can’t have. Foolishly, the naive part of himself that he thought he crushed centuries ago awakens again. 

If only you could open your heart up to me. Place it in the palm of your hands like I did mine. 

But he knows. He knows. Yet he still hoped. 

Time and time again, those hopes were crushed. 

“I will make sure I won't disappoint you this time.”

“You can’t promise me that Jing Yuan, and you know it.”

Jing Yuan freezes. Jingliu isn't one to give comfort, but even in his memories, she has never held a knife against him in such a way. 

Perhaps, this is for his moment of weakness in the infirmary but…

He feels her words clawing its way up into the back of his throat and strangles the air out of him.

“Shifu, I-”

“Go rest, Yuan-er. That’s enough for today.” Her words are absolute. It is final. Jing Yuan nods and leaves.

He feels his chest tighten and he reels his heart in. 

It hurts. 

(He is too exhausted to see the concern hidden in the depths of those distant red eyes, nor hear the request for him to take care. It stays, sitting at the tip of a tongue as sharp as the sword champion's own swordsmanship. It never reaches him. A secret hidden deep in an icy heart. She must not let it thaw, and so she cannot allow the winds to carry the sentiment to her disciple.)

***

Something in him falters. 

He yells out his orders, strategic and calculated, yet his own strikes were anything but. He sees blood and lets it fuel him. He has never cut down enemies with such force or carelessness, but he needs this. He strikes heavily but clumsily, his usual grace exchanged for a manic craze to end this fight, to release his anger and frustration. (All the misdirected anger that was aimed at him. All the years he has had to endure. All the years he will have to continue to endure even though he wishes he doesn’t have to). This battle is meaningless. Nothing significant happens. It is an easy victory.

He is allowed to be careless.

His mind is floating, focused on the bloodshed. He feels a throbbing in his side. His head wanders, focusing on everything, yet nothing all at once. And then his attention is brought to the sharp pain in his arms. It’s a cut, deep enough to scar. 

It ignites something burning in him, consuming him from the inside-out. The blood trickling down his arms, the sudden adrenaline of something new…he continues to cut down the enemies with a ferocity he didn’t know he had. In a matter of moments, their numbers dwindle and victory is theirs, even without Baiheng present. 

He’s never gotten this wound before. Not in any of his battles. This is something that is new . He should feel invigorated, ecstatic. 

He feels empty.

He gazes at it. He doesn’t feel accomplished, he only feels contempt. 

Why? Why can he bring upon more harm and damage, but not save and protect? 

What does he need to do…to save the people he loves?

They have regrouped at the infirmary. He doesn’t remember how he had dragged himself here. He barely registers himself cleaning and bandaging the wound. 

He meets up with the others.

Dan Feng heads over to him but Jing Yuan pulls his arms back, “I’m fine Dan Feng, go check up on the other soldiers.”

He has already bandaged the cut. It will heal just fine. But he made sure it would leave a mark. A scar, any sort of proof for him to know that something has changed (no matter how meaningless that change is).

Dan Feng still advanced, “don’t be stubborn Jing Yuan, it may be a cut but it can still scar. Just let me heal it.” He grabs Jing Yuan’s arms. Jing Yuan pulls away, perhaps too harshly. 

“No! I told you not to touch it!” Jing Yuan flinches at his own outburst. He clutches his arms. How could he lose control of himself like that? But, this cut will definitely scar if Dan Feng does not heal it. It is new. It is something that has not happened before. He cannot lose it. But he cannot tell Dan Feng this, nor the others. He turns his head away, unable to meet any of their gazes.

“Jing Yuan-”

“I'm sorry Dan Feng, I hope you can forgive me.”

He couldn’t seem to summon his usual smiles, so he left as quickly as he could, retreating from the battlefield. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with their scolding. Perhaps tomorrow, he would feel their wrath, but for now, he wants to be alone. He feels their stares burning into the back of his head and clutches his arms just a little tighter. 

***

Every day is the same. Rinse and repeat. Rinse…and repeat…

The cut on his arm has formed into a new scar that has never been there before. Thankfully nobody had pried for more after his outburst. Despite this small earned ‘victory’, everything still felt so out of reach. There are no more battles until that dreadful day. He hasn’t saved anyone, he has only brought harm.

He doesn’t remember the words he says to Jingliu to appease her. He doesn’t remember what he talked about with Dan Feng nor what Dan Feng said for him to force out another fake smile. He doesn’t remember what Baiheng had made for them, and he doesn’t remember the taste. He doesn’t remember what he bickers with Yingxing about. He doesn’t remember what Yingxing forged. He doesn’t remember what Yingxing had worn. He doesn’t remember if Yingxing had smiled at him. 

He just knows that he’s waiting. He goes through the motions as he waits, counting down the time left before their day of doom arrives. Counting down the days left before he will lose everything again. 

He’s been through this once, he can go through it again. But knowing the heartache, can he really? He doubts it. 

He goes to the training grounds and doubles his drills. He needs to get his mind off of things. He goes through the motions of everyday once again.

He arrives on the training grounds. He brings his glaive up, and then cuts through the empty air. 

…

“Jing Yuan,” Dan Feng calls, snapping him out of his trance. Dan Feng approaches him, “Baiheng’s made dinner. You should eat something, you didn’t come for lunch earlier.” 

Jing Yuan looks up from his glaive, and only then does he realize he’s been accompanied by the soft glow of the Moon rather than the Sun. 

“Ah, apologies, Feng-ge.”

Dan Feng lets out a sigh, “I should be the one apologizing. It is my own inability to accept the outcome at hand that I had misplaced the blame on you. I shouldn’t have been so harsh to you.”

“But, the blame was warranted?” Jing Yuan tries to decipher Dan Feng’s thoughts, but these days it seems that it's become harder to read the people around him. 

“No it wasn’t. And before you start putting that sharp tongue to use, let me finish first. I had seen the way you defended Baiheng.” Dan Feng pauses, “I’m sure you out of everyone already shoulder the responsibilities of what happened this time. Instead of adding to your burdens, we should be sharing them, but we didn’t. That’s on us. On me.”

Jing Yuan shakes his head, “I don’t mind, Feng-ge.” He himself has not heard his voice sound so earnest in a while. But it is the simple truth, he always had, and always will carry their burdens without a second thought. 

“That’s not the point,” Dan Feng looks at him, cold azure eyes piercing through him. “Your burdens should be ours to bear as much as you choose to carry all of ours. Afterall, ‘we’re family now so we must rely on each other.’ Remember?”

Jing Yuan’s eyes widened, and a long lost memory of a younger, more naive version of himself declaring their little quintet a family to Dan Feng comes to mind.

He lets out a small laugh. How innocent he had been. How happy he had been. 

“You still remember?”

Dan Feng smiles, “of course, that’s the day a loud, chirping little bird had helped me realize that I had found a home to call my own.”

Jing Yuan knows Dan Feng means every word he says. There is great weight behind each action, each thought…And yet Jing Yuan feels his chest constrict. He knows what will happen to this home that Dan Feng has learned to love so fiercely and protectively. He hates that there is nothing to prevent Dan Feng from losing this bond he had found on his own. 

But Dan Feng is trying to comfort Jing Yuan, he’s sharing his feelings (which in and of itself is a rare occasion). He feels warm at the thought. Loved. 

I don’t deserve this, I failed to protect the stories we had written together. I watched as each page got torn apart.

“Thank you, Feng-ge.”

Dan Feng smiles at him, but there’s more behind it and Jing Yuan isn’t quite sure he knows how to decipher these looks from his dear old friend. Have they always held such an insurmountable weight behind their gazes?

“Let’s go then. Shall we?”

***

“Still training? Jingliu really had it out for you this time.”

“Baiheng!” Jing Yuan finds that an easy smile comes to him. Until he remembered where they were. “Wait, you should be resting right now, why are you at the training ground? Your injuries aren’t fully healed yet Baiheng-jie.” Jing Yuan says (and if his voice had turned into a childish whine at the end as it often did with Baiheng, nobody else is there to comment on it). 

She lets out a loud airy laugh.

“Oh A-Yuan, you worry too much. Dan Feng has already healed the worst of it.” She walks over to him, “shouldn’t that be what I’m saying to you?”

Jing Yuan flinches, ah, the cut. Baiheng had been the one to catch him in the past too. It was never too deep of a wound, but the double drills had not done it any favours. It should have been fully healed by now but, alas it is still there. It had left a small scar in the past, it most likely will leave another scar with how poorly it had been taken care of. Jing Yuan is also ashamed to admit that with everything on his mind, the dull pain and throb that accompanied the trivial wound had barely made its presence known and thus he had been neglecting it. 

He remembers the way she had dragged him to Dan Feng and he shudders at the memory. He does his best to feign ignorance knowing Baiheng can read him like an open book. 

“What do you mean? I’m fine Baiheng ji-”

“Nope, don’t even try to fool me you silly bird. And I’m not talking about that cut you got on your side that you hid from us, A-Yuan.” Her tone loses its playfulness and her gaze softens with sorrow. She gently cups his face and Jing Yuan instantly melts into it. Even after returning to the past for so long, Baiheng’s comforting presence still feels lost on him. There, and then gone too soon. 

“You’re in pain, my little bird. You’ve been in pain since that day you had woken up under the tree. Yet you still greeted me with a smile, as if it weren’t there. I don’t understand what goes on in that loud and busy mind of yours, but I do know, you need rest. More than any of us.” Baiheng pauses as if searching for something in Jing Yuan’s eyes. He does not know the look he wears. She has left him speechless. Baiheng has long seen through him, so who else has? What do they know? What will they say?  

Baiheng seems to see the gears turning again for Jing Yuan. 

“Jing Yuan, I want to make it clear that what happened that day was in no way your fault. Life happens and nothing is guaranteed. Maybe one day Yingxing will outlive us, perhaps some day we will fall in a battle because we are not invincible. That is the way of life, which is why we cherish it so much. Why we cherish each moment we have together so much. Why we hold each other so closely and tightly. But, no matter how tightly we hold on, we must learn to let go too. You know this better than any of us, don’t you? So no matter what happens in the future, regardless of where I will be, where Yingxing will be, where Jingliu and Dan Feng will be, it is not your fault what may befall us. You are only human Jing Yuan. You cannot save everyone even if it is what is expected of you. Just know in your heart, you did what you could, and that will be enough. It’s hard, it’s really hard, but my little bird, your life is just as important as all the other lives you wish to shield and protect.” 

Jing Yuan can’t look at her. Not when she gives her love to him so gently and softly. Not when it is a lifetime of burdens later that he gets them. Not when he had never gotten this in the past. Is this just pity? A reassurance for his miserable self-loathing? 

Jing Yuan quickly chases the thoughts away. This is his Baiheng-jie, she would never do that to him. These are simply words she could not share with him during the most difficult times of his life no matter how much she may have wanted to. She couldn’t have known, yet here she is. 

Baiheng pulls him into a tight hug, “I love you my little bird. Please, let us, let me, share your pain.”

Jing Yuan takes in a shaky breath. He doesn’t know what to say or how to speak. Once again words failed him. But Baiheng doesn’t need his words to know what is going on. She doesn’t need him to say anything to understand how conflicted he is, that’s how she’s always been. She pulls away, “it doesn’t have to be now A-Yuan, but maybe someday.” 

Jing Yuan nods, and smiles. 

Baiheng’s eyes suddenly have a mischievous glint in them, and before Jing Yuan can even register his own panic with whatever Baiheng may be planning, she has his right ear tugged in her hand and is dragging him in whichever direction she pleases. All he can do is let out a pathetic yelp.

“Baiheng-jie if you want me to go with you just ask!” It’s not that he disliked when others touched his ears, he’s simply not used to it. 

“Should’ve thought of that before you decided to pull this shit. Now I have no choice but to force you on a trip to wherever that overgrown lizard is.” 

Jing Yuan lets out a laugh. He has never been able to deny any request from the other four, whether or not force was used during the execution of it. 

The way the soft smile on Baiheng’s face masks her concern. The way they playfully bicker with each other. The way she still treats him like the little kid she had met that day, how to this day she still calls him little bird. These are the things he wishes to protect. 

Perhaps, some things are better left unchanged. 

***

Nous looks at Jing Yuan doubtingly. After all, he would not be the first to accept their offer, but there certainly weren’t many. 

“You are not an irrational person. This will be your last, and final death. There will be nothing for you after. Nothing.”

Jing Yuan smiles, he knows what he's doing.

“There wouldn’t have been a next time for me to begin with.”

The Ten Lords Commission would have robbed him of that chance anyways. So why not do something while he can?

He will be replaced by fate if he goes missing. There are no real consequences to his actions so, why not make one last attempt to save his first family? His life for their freedom. 

He holds his hand out.

Nous shakes it.

“It’s a deal then.”

***

Yingxing seems to stick closer to him these days. Whether it was inviting Jing Yuan on a walk or accompanying Jing Yuan when he played with the finches that usually annoyed Yingxing more than they should have. Jing Yuan has vague memories of a talk with Yingxing on a moonlit night. But, he barely remembers the night he got drunk, except Yingxing scolding him. Everything else is a complete blur (he shouldn’t have drank so much). 

This particular day Yingxing had requested Jing Yuan to accompany him at the forge. In usual days Yingxing tries to usher him out claiming that Jing Yuan is a distraction, and their usual bicker and banter would begin before Yingxing does indeed get distracted with things beyond bickering and play fighting. However, today Jing Yuan sees Yingxing quietly hammering away. Aggressive and unrelenting. His shoulders are tense as if the weight of the world is being carried on his shoulders (a feeling Jing Yuan is more than well enough acquainted with). 

He calls out to him, “Yingxing-ge, are you alright?” This brings Yingxing out of his stupor.

Jing Yuan sees Yingxing hesitate, taking a second to compose himself. Yingxing seems to stutter a bit before speaking. To anyone else, this would have gone unnoticed, but to Jing Yuan’s trained eyes and his familiarity in Yingxing, the slight quiver in his voice is very much pronounced.

“Jing Yuan, can you promise me one thing?”

Jing Yuan stops. He chooses his next words carefully. He knows the way Fate plays its pieces, abuses its power. He knows everything that he cannot promise Yingxing. “There are some things that I cannot promise to you in this world, no matter how much I wish I could.”

Yingxing puts his hammer down and smiles somberly, “all I ask is, if I leave this world first I want the last thing I see to be your smile.” He pauses and looks Jing Yuan in the eyes, “However, if for any reason you leave before I do, I want the last memory I have of you to be your smile.”

Jing Yuan flinches, surprised at such a simple promise. Yet it means so much, and Jing Yuan can only hope that when the day comes, the last smile he gives to Yingxing will last centuries longer than the soft look in Yingxing’s eyes. The one that had once escaped Jing Yuan’s grasp. Yet Jing Yuan knows once this show is over and the curtain calls, all shadows of him will be wiped clean.

“I can do that.”

Yingxing lets out a sigh. His smile is still brilliant, but it’s oddly dim.

“Thank you.”

Perhaps it is the false hope that there will come a day when he gets to rest. Where he gets to witness his friends, his lover, live longer. Last longer. 

Yingxing’s words don’t feel empty.

If for whatever reason…

Jing Yuan feels lighter.

He smiles at Yingxing.

***

They are alone on the terrace. 

Yingxing had brought him out to stargaze, but tonight there is a faraway look in Yingxing’s eyes. They have both grown up training together side-by-side.  They have found a family in each other, and the other three members in their little quintet. This is where they belong. This is home.

“Jing Yuan.”

“Yes, Yingxing-ge?” Jing Yuan cannot see the expression Yingxing wears, but his voice carries too much weight for it to go unnoticed.

“We are both old enough now. Throughout the years, we’ve experienced and lived with death by our side. Yet we always overcome it, I… it feels like we are invincible as long as it is the five of us.”

Yingxing finally turns to face Jing Yuan, “but no matter how much I forge, no matter how much I make,” he looks down at his hands, “no matter if these hands can craft curios and designs even the divine would desire, it will not make me live longer.” 

‘Perhaps the day you leave this world, will also be the day I become mara-struck’ Jing Yuan thinks to himself but dares not say out loud. “Yingxing-ge…”

Yingxing shakes his head, “Let me finish you brat.”

“One day, I will become one of the stars in the sky, and you will live for a long, long time. I hope that even if I’m gone, even if we all go one by one, that you will continue to shine like you do now. That way, when I gaze down, I can still see that the Sun is shining brightly on the Luofu, and I can rest peacefully. If you ever miss me, just remember that I’ll come visit you every night, all you have to do is look up and forward.”

“If the day ever comes where you join the stars…then I will join the Galaxy Rangers so I can keep you company in the skies.”

For Yingxing, Jing Yuan is willing to live longer. If this is what Yingxing wished from him, then he will do his best to fulfill it. Jing Yuan will fight off the mara for all of eternity if Yingxing asked him to. 

 If he were to travel the galaxies, then he’d share a drink with his comrades under every moon he could find, despite how the Sun and moon never share the same sky. He could gaze upon the boundless oceans and seas that hide such deep torrents beneath. He could reach for the clouds that enveloped the skies in a warm embrace. But most importantly, he could trace down the stars until he memorized every last constellation in the universe. He would forever be surrounded by his family, his love. 

How naive and foolish they had been back then.

***

Jing Yuan wakes up, and he feels lighter. He joins the quintet and watches as Jingliu and Dan Feng spar. Their movements are sharp, but there is a lightness to it. It’s freeing to watch, he lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

Baiheng and Yingxing are drinking tea as they watch them spar. 

He’s still here.

There's still a chance for him to protect this .

He walks over and sits down. He knows their days are numbered, but, until that day comes, he still has time. 

They share their drinks, and Jing Yuan finds that his laugh comes easier. 

If he is a doomed man, then he will first and foremost be a madman who clutches onto every moment he can. 

He’s still tired, the weight of what will be looming over him. But the moments from yesterday are fresh in his mind. The moment he shared with Yingxing yesterday…perhaps he dared to hope. 

The clattering of metal can be heard. This time, Jingliu has Dan Feng pinned on the ground as he lets out an exasperated sigh. 

“Your spearwork is rusty, Dan Feng,” Jingliu playfully scolds. 

“Not as rusty as that sword champion title of yours, Jingliu.”

Baiheng lets out a loud laugh, “In that case, your title should be changed to The Glorified Overgrown Lizard!”

“Baiheng! You-”

Jing Yuan can’t help it when he lets out a laugh. Unrestrained and free. Happy. As cruel as Fate is, at least he has been given more of these moments. where he watches the people he loves have fun. Where they can all be themselves, even if for a brief moment. This is enough.

What he wasn’t expecting was to be greeted by silent stares; was he not supposed to laugh at the joke?

“Sorry…did, did I do something wrong?” Dan Feng and Jingliu are still rendered frozen, unmoving. It feels odd not hearing Jingliu’s scolding nor Dan Feng’s elegant remarks (even when he is cursing with the most colorful choices of words). Baiheng looks like she’s about to cry, but her smile is genuine, “No, my little bird. In fact, everything is perfect.” He turns his head to Yingxing for reassurance and…

Yingxing looks at him as if his laugh had been bigger and brighter than the Sun, as if it were bigger than life itself. 

“It’s good to have you back, Jing Yuan.”

Ah, Jing Yuan thinks, Yingxing’s smile is fiery again. 

That night, Yingxing gently braids a purple wisteria into Jing Yuan’s hair. 

The two of them lay together. They exchange soft touches and loving words. If nothing else, Fate cannot take away the peace that they have earned tonight. They cannot take away Jing Yuan’s love; they cannot take away his will. They cannot take away his desire to protect his star. Yingxing is pressed up against Jing Yuan’s chest, and soon enough, the words they exchanged that are kept for only the wind to remember quiet down as the steady rise and fall of the elder signifies his descent into the dreamland. Jing Yuan smiles, with a fondness he has not felt in so long. For once, he feels that he can love and love freely, like he did so long ago, once upon a time. 

If only we could stay like this forever.

He clutches Yingxing’s hand as the latter sleeps.

If the Aeons had set up this solo stage for Jing Yuan, then he would perform until his curtain call. He will dedicate this performance of his to his one and only star.

He may not be able to rewrite the ending, but he can rewrite the details. He can change how they get to that ending.

“This time, I’ll make sure that you won’t suffer like you did. Even if I can’t take all your pain away…as long as I can lessen the extent of your suffering…then it will be worth it.” He whispers to the small shimmers of light in the night sky. 

…

Unbeknownst to Jing Yuan, a star cries in response. 

***

“Are you sure you’re not going to join us, Yuan-er?” Baiheng asks, disappointment evident on her face. Jing Yuan is almost swayed, but he stands his ground. 

“Not today Baiheng-jie, I want to sit in the gardens today and play with some finches. As much as today is a beautiful day to go out, I really do want to take a nap out in the gardens.” 

“Haish, when did you start taking so many naps?” She smiles at him, “Get plenty of good rest then.”

Yingxing gives him a small peck, right under his left eye, where his mole is. Before Jing Yuan can ask, Yingxing flicks his forehead. “Ow! What was that for?!” 

Yingxing smirks at him, “That’s for thinking too loudly. Don’t let that busy brain of yours wander too much today, alright? I won’t be here to tell you otherwise.”

Jing Yuan giggles, “Well, if Yingxing-ge says not to think too much, then I don’t dare go against his words.”

“Good.” He leaves him one last peck before he turns and heads out with the rest of the group.

I already did all the thinking yesterday.

***

Jing Yuan takes one last stroll around his favourite places. The gardens filled with flowers (that will one day be overtaken by spider lilies through Jing Yuan’s own doing), Yubie’s statue, Yingxing’s forge, and of course, the terrace where they all loved to share a drink on peaceful, moonlit nights. Despite what Jing Yuan had promised Yingxing, he thinks.

He thinks about Yan Qing growing up without him. He thinks about Fu Xuan not having someone to silently guide her into a more fitting place to be General. Then he remembers Nous’s words.

“Fate likes their script.”

I’m sorry

“They will simply replace the missing piece. We have seen it happen with our own eyes.”

But you will be fine. There will be someone else to help you flourish and grow. You will not need me. 

Then, he thinks of the family he had lost. The great suffering they had gone through. How they had all ended up so broken. Legends that had been shattered beyond recognition. He may not be able to save them. They may be destined to fall apart, but Jing Yuan will not let Fate have its way. He will take his story into his own hands and hope that it will do something. He decides when his story will end this time. He has made up his mind. 

All our lives are important, Baiheng-jie. You tell me this and yet…

Jing Yuan smiles. 

You once had chosen to save Dan Feng. This time, I choose to save you. 

This time, he chooses to be selfish.

This time, I’ll save all of you, even if for a fleeting moment. 

Jing Yuan realized then that the Aeons had it wrong.

***

The first few centuries after the fall of the Quintet, Jing Yuan had managed to keep most of the Quintet’s possessions untouched. When peace finally settled upon them, he helped the Foxians organize the first soul-soothing ceremony that the Luofu had had for centuries. He wanted to honour Baiheng, help her keep the Foxian traditions she held close to her heart alive. Jing Yuan went to Baiheng’s old home to gather her things. He took only a few, knowing that her soul now lies as a Vidyadhara egg waiting to hatch. Perhaps there were only a few more hatchings left for her form to look human again. 

One object that he found had been a gift Yingxing had given her. It was a curio, but it was empty. When he picked it up, even after all these years had passed, there was still an immense amount of energy radiating from it. Jing Yuan quickly connected the dots. This must’ve been what Baiheng used to defeat the Abomination of Abundance. His hands ached from how hard he had been gripping it. Was Jing Yuan to send this off with Baiheng as a gift from Yingxing, or did he choose to see it as the means that allowed her to make the ultimate sacrifice? Jing Yuan doesn’t know, and perhaps he never will. 

He takes the curio and replaces it with another. Baiheng will not know, until it is too late that her gift from Yingxing has been swapped. There is a sour taste in his mouth for stealing such a precious thing that had been gifted to her by Yingxing…

But this time, it will not be Baiheng who will make the sacrifice. 

Sorry for invading your privacy like this, Baiheng-jiejie, but I cannot let the past repeat itself. 

“ If for any reason you go before I do,”

I know you will hate me for this, Yingxing, but…

This time, I won’t let you guys leave me first. 

***

The day of the calamity arrives. This time, he gets to the place he needs to be and fights the disfigured monster alongside Dan Feng, ignoring the way Dan Feng’s cloudhyme magic rips violently around them. 

He fights seamlessly alongside him with lightning crackling along his glaive. 

But time and time again, they are no match for this creature. It was like this in his last life too. Dan Feng is once again on the verge of losing control, and Jing Yuan himself can only hold on for so much longer. It heals and heals, and heals. He doesn’t have a choice. With Dan Feng beside him, he clumsily pushes Dan Feng backwards with as much force as he can

“Jing Yuan! What are you doing?!”

He ignores Dan Feng and takes out the Curio. He dodges the creature's attacks and gets close enough for him to use his trump card. The object is darker than any abyss he’s seen. The black Sun that had once engulfed Baiheng is in his hands, and he uses it. 

Jing Yuan realizes that the Aeons had it wrong…

Destiny-altering decisions are not created out of desperation. A simple desperate decision made on the battlefield when faced with death? No.

They’re forged from a split-second decision born out of love.

***

In the distance, a purple Foxian double-checks everything she carries, but something feels off.

This is a last resort, but she will do what she must to protect those she loves.

Her little bird and the overgrown lizard are struggling against the Abomination, and she can see it from here. She would gladly trade her life for theirs. She has already lived a fulfilling life. She has spent enough time with them. She is content with how her life has played out. But…

Dread fills her as she stares intently at the curio in her hand. It feels too light. Its design is too flawed. It does not look like the masterpieces crafted by the forge master. 

In a rush today, she did not have time to check if the curio had been tampered with. Who dares to? Just in case, she opens the curio her little star had gifted to her.

It is empty.

This is not the curio he had gifted her.

Her eyes widen. Nobody should know the whereabouts of the curio. Nobody knows about what she had stored in it. Nobody should know how to open it. Nobody could have opened it unless…

‘I’ll pass today.’

‘It will always be my fault.’

‘Please…just stay.’

‘One day, I will make it up to you.’

It couldn’t be.

But it makes so much sense.

How he seemed to know and plan for everything that had happened…

Why her little bird had been so tired. Why he wore the face of someone so much older than he was. How he had lost his youthful smile within a moment. A wistful, longing smile had stood in its stead. She had even acknowledged the idea. 

No

Not her little bird.

Please…don’t tell me that I’m too late.

She rushes to the nearest starskiff and pilots it as quickly as she can.

She cannot lose her Sun, their Sun.

She has never felt her heart pound so hard against her chest, she cannot hear anything other than its thrum. She has to make it, she has to-

When her eyes land on the scene before her, her heart twists with regret.

She is too late.

Her face is stained with tears,

A desperate scream rips out of her throat.

“Yuan-er!”

***

He hears familiar voices calling out to him, but he continues. He won’t lose the people he loves again, not this time.

He feels his flesh being torn apart, the familiar searing pain overwhelming his entire being, he wants to scream out in pain. To cry, to just give in and close his eyes. But his heart desired so deeply for Yingxing to remember his smile (for Dan Feng, for Jingliu, for Baiheng, to remember him ). He wishes their last memories of him (of his existence) to be his smile. To be peaceful. So he doesn’t scream. He doesn’t flinch. The grief on their faces almost makes him stop, but it is already too late to turn back. He just looks at them with a fond smile (and if a few tears slipped past his eyes, then let it be the last of what comes from him).

This promise, at the very least, he can keep. 

At least there won’t be a person for you to mourn for. 

This time, he is sent off to a land that is too far away for even the Aeons to reach. With the gazes of the people he loves so wholly with his heart on him, he can’t help but think, if I get to die with you guys by my side, then, everything was worth it.

He is not alone this time.

He lets the Abyss consume him once more.

He has been in the spotlight for long enough, it is time for someone else to take center stage.

His curtains call, and he has ended his own play with his own hands. No, he has ended Fate’s play with him, with his own hands. 

***

Yingxing remembered.

He watched as everyone forgot about him. How with each passing day, the traces of that person seemed to fade.

Yingxing begs Dan Feng to revive ‘him’, holding a few strands of white hair, with a red ribbon tightly tied to his wrists. He doesn’t explain anything. No, Yingxing dared not utter his name, out of fear that the laws of this world would find a speck of him. Out of fear that he too will be forced to forget. Each passing day, the memories get harder to hold onto and it takes longer to remember his name. He dares not share this with the world because he is selfish. Because he needs to remember him. Because somebody needed to remember the warmth of the Sun. 

They try.

But a soulless man cannot be brought back.

Though Dan Feng did not remember who the ‘him’ they were reviving was, he too knew very well the feeling of emptiness that needed to be filled. 

Nobody catches them.

Not long after, Baiheng dies to an Emanator of Abundance while protecting Dan Feng.

Yingxing cannot handle the death of another close to him. Not when he was the one that was destined to die first. 

They fail to revive Baiheng and create a monstrosity,

But…the charm kills hundreds it isn’t so broken.

Yingxing is cursed with Shuhu’s gift. He becomes the very thing he had wished to eradicate from this world. 

The monstrosity Yingxing and Dan Feng creates has even Jingliu struggling, beaten down and leaning on her sword is easily subdued. Jingliu drives her sword one thousand one hundred times before the monster Baiheng became falls. 

The sedition happens. 

Too many Some lives are lost. Dan Feng is punished and his reincarnation, Dan Heng is kept in Shackling Prison for a century until adulthood before he is exiled. The rage of the Vidyadhara and Preceptors cannot be quelled seem to have settled after a certain time. 

2 years later 5 years later, the sword champion gets stricken with mara.  

Jingliu hunts Yingxing down.

Shard Sword pierces through its creator's heart a thousand hundred times before it breaks.

A broken man is picked up by the Stellaron Hunters.

A reborn dragon travels the galaxy with the Nameless.

A mara-crazed sword champion travels alone, seeking revenge on the Abundance.

A small, purple-haired Vidyadhara Elder is closely monitored in the Alchemy commission.

Nothing Everything has changed. 

***

The world has forgotten him. In exchange for changing the past, for bending the rules, he has been erased from the universe itself. Everyone has forgotten him,

Except for one person. 

On an unknown, empty planet, a man is encased in ice. He is trapped in a limbo between consciousness and unconsciousness.

Through the cracks and creaks of his broken mind (that was brought to him by the hands of his own mentor) did memories slip through of a bright young man that should have been forgotten. 

Not even the loss of the bright shine in your eyes was worth it. So, how can you tell me that the loss of you would bring me peace of mind?

A face that shouldn’t exist in this world, that should not have been dug up even in the most well hidden places of the universe appears before his eyes. Memories.

“It should have been someone else to protect you.”

Yingxing Blade taps the cold hard surface once.

“I want, someone who can do more to be there for you.”

Blade taps the cold hard surface again.

You were right there.

He watched as the bright gold eyes smiled at him, sad but peaceful. As the Stellaron engulfs the man with unruly white hair, nothing is left behind but a few strands of his hair…and the red ribbon that held it together. 

In that moment a branch snaps, and a piece of this world is forever lost to those bound to its rules.

Blade taps the surface again.

Again and again.

No.

No...

No…

“This time, I’ll make sure that you won’t suffer like you did. Even if I can’t take all your pain away…as long as I can lessen the extent of your suffering…then it will be worth it.”

He taps it one last time, before the cold mercifully beckons him into the unconscious world again.  Nothing was worth losing you. 

Nothing will ever be worth losing you.

A name that will appear for the last time in this cursed world flickers into Blade’s mind. A final mercy for a man that has lost everything, a name to call the one who he will never be able to follow. What have you done..? Was this…worth it for you…Jing Yuan?

The last whisper of that name echoes inside Blade’s head. The next time Blade awakens, all that remains will be the hollow ache in his heartless chest.

***

The Aeons sigh. They clear the board, and start anew. 

Fate is a cruel, cruel thing. No matter how much you try to bend and break it, it always mends itself anew, the same paths and same events play out. The stage is set out for Fate to mock and laugh at you for your feeble attempts at challenging it.

Like the Abundance that forces the living to break and heal itself until the very bones in their bodies are no longer “theirs”.

Like the Destruction that leaves no mercy to even a speck in the Universe.

Like the Hunt that chases you down to the atomic crevices of this world. 

Like the Elation that sets the stage for entertainment at your misery, entertainment at an ending that they themselves are the criteria for deeming satisfactory. 

Like the Erudition that skillfully places the pieces on the board to outmaneuver their opponents.

They have all lost to fate.

And what is a mortal to do when even the Aeons have lost this game of chess in the face of unbreakable rules over their long, lonely lives?

In the end, it is meaningless.

Such is the destiny of those who dare challenge fate and fail.

Bonus:

It is said that wherever the Stellaron Hunter walks, he will leave behind a trail of Spider Lilies. And where there are Spider Lilies, there will be a kaleidoscope of golden, broken winged butterflies following the Stellaron Hunter down his chosen path.

He holds his hand out to one of them as it rests on his finger. He brings it close to his face, and a gentle flutter of a kiss is left on his lips. It reminds the Hunter of a ghost. A name appears at the tip of his tongue, yet he cannot remember what it was or to whom it belonged to. He lets the butterfly soar back into the flutters of fate as he continues his journey. The mara has long taken every part of his body. Every part, except the void where his heart should be.