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HiMERU stood on the rooftop, looking down in shame, wouldn’t it be funny? The so-called idol thought, to die at the same place his true body did. “He” didn’t deserve the name HiMERU, and as much as he had dreaded the day he would have to give the name back to the one who once had it. He never thought HiMERU would die, and leave the name behind. With nothing else for him, he stepped forward, his shoes behind him. He didn’t even jump, he just walked right off, allowing the fall.
Truthfully, before this, he’d been thinking about the state he would leave Crazy:B in. Perhaps they would take a break, however, he knew they wouldn’t disband. The amount of times “he” had stayed up with Rinne, talking about the future. Rinne wouldn’t leave behind being an idol for anything. He wouldn’t let Crazy:B disband. Though, “he” would give anything for one last kiss.
Another thing that crossed his mind was Tatsumi and Jun. The two from HiMERU’s past, two who never found out the truth. “He” wondered now, what would they say if they found out? Surely they’d be mad, they never got to say their goodbye’s to HiMERU. And- “he” wished “he” knew how close HiMERU had been to the other two. All “he” really knew was they were friends. Perhaps more.
Maybe Niki and Kohaku had also deserved a moment, but truthfully, much like Rinne. HiMERU had never known them. “His” closeness to Crazy:B was something that HiMERU could never see, something HiMERU would never get to see. And if HiMERU had chosen to leave the world behind. Then it was time for “him” to exit too.
….
“Kohaku- heya.” Rinne grinned. Niki grumbled, he was trying to watch a cooking show- why did Rinne now decide he wanted to yell at Kohaku down the phone. Kohaku said something to Rinne, and Niki didn’t see his face drop, he was too busy drooling over the dish. “What!?” The redhead practically screamed. Niki flinched and turned to face Rinne. “Rinne-kun could you please keep it down?” Niki asked. Rinne however dropped the phone and turned to Niki. Causing the chef to worry, Rinne had never been this pail. Niki could already see the tears forming in his eyes. Before Niki could ask what was wrong, Rinne opened his mouth. “Niki- turn on the news.”
“The body of an idol known to be HiMERU was found beside the hospital bins. A worker taking their break had gone out the back and found him there. There’s investigations to figure out how and why the idol was on the roof. HiMERU is rumoured to be treated in the same hospital. However we are yet unsure if he’s still alive.”
Niki dropped the remote, covering his mouth with his hands. “How could HiMERU-kun..” Rinne was already at the door, putting his shoes on frantically. “I’m going to see him.” Rinne said, Niki simply nodded. He had no idea if Rinne would be allowed.. But if one of them was to go, it should be him. When Rinne opened the door, he was greeted by Kohaku. “Ya coming?” Rinne asked, and the pink haired boy shook his head. “I’ll keep Niki-han company. Provided he’s not going.” Niki shook his head. “I can’t… I don’t want to see HiMERU-kun like that.” Rinne seemed to hesitate, he was so determined to see HiMERU he hadn’t thought about what state he would be in. “Alright… See you.” With that, he stepped out, Kohaku stepped in, and Rinne slammed the door behind him.
It was difficult to get into the hospital.
People were crowding, fans, desperate to be allowed to see HiMERU desperate to know if he was okay. Rinne wondered how many of them were there with good intent, he didn’t think there would be many. He pushed his way through, pulling one of HiMERU’s hats further down his head.
“I’d like to see HiMERU.” Rinne said to the person at the front desk. “Sorry. We’re not allowing fans to see him.” The worker said. Rinne took off his hat and he heard the fans who were being held back started screaming. “I’m his unit leader. I have contacts at Cospro if you don’t believe me.” The worker looked up, Rinne didn’t know if they were also a fan- or if the idea of dealing with an agency scared them. “Right.” The worker wrote something down and slipped Rinne the paper. Safer than saying his room number outloud.
Rinne sat beside HiMERU. And it was odd how peaceful the blue haired idol seemed. It was like nothing was wrong- Rinne wondered how he had managed that. His arms were bandaged, and his legs were covered by the blanket… But his face- was still as perfect as always, not a single bruise. Rinne brushed some of HiMERU’s hair out of his face. How….
“Onii-chan’s pretty isn’t he?” A voice. Rinne’s head shot up, and there was a slightly younger… See through HiMERU. There was almost no difference between him and HiMERU. “Who are you?” Rinne asked, his hand finding HiMERU’s, like that would protect him. The imposter HiMERU seemed to hesitate. “Kaname… Kaname Tojo.” Rinne made note of what he had said at first. ‘Onii-chan’
“I didn’t know Meru had a brother.” Rinne wondered- what did he know about his boyfriend? “Most people don’t.” Kaname said with a sad smile. “That’s my own fault though.” Rinne wanted to tell the boy it wasn’t his fault- but really the redhead had no idea. “I don’t think I know anything about Merumeru.”
“He couldn’t tell you anything- but maybe now he can.”
“How do you know he’ll live?” Rinne said, he sounded unsure. Why did Kaname seem so confident? “I saved him.” Kaname said proudly. Rinne stared at Kaname, very confused. So… HiMERU had a younger brother…. Who saved him? “What.”
“I’m already dead…” Kaname began, as if that wasn’t obvious. Maybe it was because Rinne was acting so casual. Why was Rinne acting so casual? Maybe it was the shock. He just- he was so unfazed by everything now. At least until his HiMERU was back. “I was watching Onii-chan and I saw him walk off. But I couldn’t let him die yet, so I saved him.” Kaname smiled though Rinne noticed the tears in his eyes. “Look out for Onii-chan okay?”
Rinne nodded, as if he would do anything else. He would look after HiMERU as much as he could. “And, I have one more request.” Kaname added, it had been a while since he talked, due to being dead. So he was happy to keep talking to his Onii-chan’s boyfriend. “Sure.”
“Don’t tell Onii-chan I was here. I don’t want him to suffer anymore.”
Rinne wondered if knowing Kaname had saved him would bring more or less comfort, but he trusted Kaname’s judgement. “I’ll keep it a secret.” Kaname smiled and then, he was gone.
“Who are you talking to Amagi?”
Rinne squeezed HiMERU’s hand tightly in shock. Tears pricking in his eyes. “Merumeru… I was just- talking to myself.” HiMERU seemed satisfied with the answer, or maybe he was just tired. “Why am “I” alive?” HiMERU wondered out loud. Rinne fell silent, and HiMERU felt bad. “Amagi.. Rinne. “I’m” sorry.”
“Why have you dropped the HiMERU act all of a sudden?”
Maybe Rinne was being harsh, but… He almost had to wonder what life would be like without HiMERU. Without their secret dates, without the cuddles when HiMERU stayed over. The goodnight kisses, the holding hands under the table at cospro meetings. HiMERU didn’t seem to mind either, but he was always hard to read. “Perhaps.. It’s because there is no HiMERU anymore.” Rinne was clearly confused. HiMERU looked at him, his golden eyes filled with something new, something… Vulnerable. So he continued. “Rinne, “I” have a lot to tell you. When “I” get out… Will you listen?”
Rinne squeezed HiMERU’s hand once more. He knew he would love HiMERU no matter what. To the ends of the earth. No matter how he felt, or what he was going through. “Yeah, of course. I’ll listen to ya for hours, Merumeru.”
Rinne would never get tired of seeing the smile on his Merumeru’s face.