Work Text:
Mrs. Suarez watches the boys go with gentle affection in her gaze. She pats her husband's shoulder as he passes by then strolls over to Derek and I.
"And thank you boys for a good day's work. You can go wash up after those two are done. The tub is more than big enough, and you two smell like a chlorine factory." She puts her hands on her hips in mock annoyance.
My hands instantly go clammy at my sides. Out of the corner of my eye I catch Derek's confused look. His nervous laughter is interrupted by my shrill voice.
"What?"
Her brow furrows for a moment, then she chuckles, "Oh, yeah, Pamela let me know about your situation. You don't-" She stops as I stand up.
I don't spare either of them a single glance as I walk to the door, open it, and step outside. I hardly hear as the door opens again behind me. I don't listen to the voice that chases me as I sprint down the hallway, my bare feet slapping against the carpet. I don't stop until I'm in front of the apartment complex, feet hurting, chest heaving, and the beginning of tears stinging my eyes.
Once I catch my breath, I sit against the cold front gate, drawing my knees to my chest and my arms coming up around them. The pose is reminiscent of Cove when I met him five years ago. Gods, how I wished he was here now. He had always been there for the hard parts of my transition, going as far as helping me come out to my parents. I can't believe Mom would do this to me. Why would she tell?
I'm not aware of Derek's approach until he's standing next to me, huffing and puffing like I was a few minutes ago. "What h-" he sucks in a deep breath, "What happened in there? Are you okay?"
I had been barely holding it together before, but those three words break me. Tears roll down my face, and a sob rips itself from my lungs. He was the first person in my life who didn't know, and I had been careful to keep it that way. Agonizing over every detail when he visited, making sure nothing as much as a single hair was out of place. Now it was over. He'd be just like the kids at school, the ones that stopped conversations as I walked in the door, that sneered and moved away when I sat in a desk. Throwing balled up paper at me. Stealing my things. 'Accidentally' t-
I flinch at the hand touching my head. But it doesn't rip at my hair. Instead it makes soft circles in it, with a softer voice behind it. "It's ok, Sarah, I'm here for you. It's ok now."
I look up at Derek's blurry face and scrub my eyes. Fear still coats my brain, but I can tell from his face that he still doesn't quite understand what's going on yet. But he's trying to help anyway.
"Hey," He tries and fails at a comforting smile.
'He wouldn't be trying if he knew.' I try to push down the thought and murmur something that could be considered a response.
He sits down beside me. "I'm... sorry. About what my Mom said. I don't really understand what she was talking about, but if it made you this upset it probably wasn't right." The look of sympathy he give is enough to make my heart soar with hope. Maybe he will understand. He's been nothing but a good friend to me.
"I'm," My voice creaks, and I sigh, scrubbing at my eyes again, "I was born as a male, but I'm actually a girl." The words are so simple on paper, but I can hear my voice waver as I choke them out.
I brace myself, waiting for whatever he's about to do to me, but nothing comes. Eventually I peel my eyes open to reveal a very thoughtful Derek. He looks like he wants to ask something, but he doesn't. He just nods.
Once I can will myself to speak again, it comes out in a whisper. "You're not mad?"
He raises his eyebrows, then looks away and rubs at his neck, "Why would I be? You're still you, right?"
I don't have time to ponder his words as a car screeches to a halt in front of us. My hands instantly fly up to my ears. The driver-side door pops open, and Mom sticks her head out.
"Sarah!" Her trademark mischievous smile is replaced with tears as she makes her way around the car. "Sarah, I am so sorry." She stops in front of me, hesitating. "Can I-"
I hold out my arms and nod. She scoops me up into a hug and pulls me to her chest. "I am so, so sorry," she rubs my back, "I knew you were swimming, and I figured it would be better if someone knew in case something happened, and I thought I could trust her, and and," She trails off but I get the message. I cry into her chest. I want to be angry at her, but I know she's just trying her best. She always has my best interest at heart.
After that night, things are different between me and Derek. We grow closer than before. And after a few talks with his mom, he gets her to understand what she did wrong. She even calls me on the phone to apologize! After that, I come over more often to help him with babysitting. It seems to help with his stress, and his brothers seem to like me. I'll always be second in Nicolas' eyes.
Most importantly, it helped me be less self-conscious. I don't have to make sure everything is right, or to be the perfect girl. Because I trust the people who love me to have my back.