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“I can’t believe she’s actually leaving.”
“I know and so close to opening night too!”
Ricky wasn’t much of an eavesdropper. In fact he tried not to listen to the conversations between the other theatre kids because they mostly consisted of things he couldn’t understand. But this conversation in particular perked his interest.
“Who’s leaving?” he asked Seb and Natalie as they sat on the benches in the drama room. The pair looked at each other like they had just been caught shoplifting.
“We aren’t supposed to tell,” Seb said, squirming in his seat.
Ricky gave him a look, “No offense dude but you guys were talking pretty loud.”
Seb sighed before saying, “Fine, but don’t shoot the messenger.”
Ricky put his hands up in defence. “It’s Gina. She’s leaving on Friday,” Seb confessed.
It felt as if someone had just poured ice water down his back. “You’re lying,” he said, his voice a little shakier than before.
Seb shook his head, “Carlos heard it from Ms. Jenn, who heard from Ashlyn.”
Ricky looked at them in disbelief. How could he be the last one to know? Before anyone could say anything else he got up from his seat, grabbed his backpack from one of the cubbies and left, determined to find out more.
“Ashyln I told you I don’t need any hel-'' Gina said as the door opened and revealed Ricky standing there, his hands shoved deep into his jean pockets.
“Not Ashlyn, and not here to help,” he replied, the corners of his mouth turning upwards ever so lightly.
Gina stood at the other side of the door, her mouth slightly open. She gripped the metal handle of the door as she narrowed her eyes at Ricky.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, suddenly very aware that Ricky was inches away from the inside of her bedroom.
Ricky took his left hand out of his pocket and began to fiddle with the dog tag around his neck. Gina’s eyes fell to his chest as she watched him play with the gift he got from his girlfriend. Ricky had a girlfriend, so what the hell was he doing at her house?
“Can I come in? I just want to talk,” from where he was standing Ricky could see a quarter of Gina’s bedroom. There were clothes scattered everywhere and a huge piece of luggage opened on the floor. His stomach twisted at the thought of her leaving.
Gina’s eyes scanned the hallway behind Ricky as she hoped Ashlyn would come walking down so that she could get her to get Ricky out of there.
“Yeah now’s not actually a good time,” Gina said as she looked over her shoulder at the disaster that was her bedroom. She really just wanted to be left alone.
But Ricky, as stubborn as he was, wouldn't take no for an answer. “Please? Just five minutes,” he pleaded.
He looked at her and Gina could see a sadness in his eyes. Why would he be sad? Gina thought to herself. What could Ricky Bowen possibly be sad about in his picture perfect romantic life? She didn’t know, but what she did know was that Ricky wasn’t going to leave without a fight and Gina was in no mood to argue.
“Five minutes,” she finally answered as she opened the door wide enough for Ricky to enter before her. Ricky gladly took the invitation and walked right in. His eyes widened as he saw the full extent of Gina’s wardrobe on her floor. An embarrassed blush crept up Gina’s neck as she began frantically picking up whatever random items she could from her floor and her bed and threw them into her closet, shutting the door quickly.
“Sorry, I did warn you that it wasn’t the best time,” she apologized, but then instantly regretted it. Why was she apologizing to him? Ricky was the one who showed up at her house unannounced. He was the one who demanded that he speak to her now out of all times. He should be apologizing to her.
Ricky shook his head and stood by her white vanity. “It’s cool. Are you going on vacation?” he asked, as his eyes scanned her unmade bed and then reached hers. She gave him a confused look.
“No I’m leav-” Gina started but didn’t get to finish as Ricky cut her off.
“Leaving? Yeah I know I heard,” he said, his voice ice cold.
He could see Gina’s expression harden at his tone of voice. He felt bad, he didn’t like speaking to her this way. But he was angry and a part of him wanted her to be angry too. At what, Ricky didn’t know.
“So then why would you ask me if I’m going on vacation?” she asked, twiddling with the silver ring on her index finger.
Ricky crossed his arms as he leaned on the edge of her vanity. “Because I wanted to hear you say it to my face that you’re leaving,” Ricky’s heart began to race. He had never confronted anyone like this before. He had never been this upset, this hurt before, not even when Nini started dating EJ at the beginning of junior year. He watched as Gina began to pace around her room and pick up loose clothing off the floor. He didn’t let her get a word in before he continued his rant.
“You know I had to overhear it from Seb and Natalie, who heard it from Carlos who heard it from Ms. Jenn who heard it from you guessed it, Ashlyn. That’s one hell of a pipeline Gina,” he said sarcastically. Gina stopped gathering her things and threw them on her bed. She put her hands on her hips and for the first time that afternoon, she looked Ricky deep into his eyes.
“I was going to tell you. I was,” Gina said, her voice matching Ricky’s level of sterness.
Ricky laughed dryly. “When we were you gonna tell me? When you were half way across the country? Or maybe you were gonna leave a note on my locker. To Ricky, I moved away, see you never, From Gina. Really sincere.”
Gina cocked her head to the side. “You want to talk about sincerity? Okay let’s start with the way you’ve treated me lately. Last time I checked, friends are supposed to be there for each other, not just use one another for relationship advice.”
Ricky didn’t say anything back. She was right, he’d been a pretty crappy friend to her lately. He’d been so deep in his own world with Nini that he struggled to keep up with his other friendships, and when he did remember they usually turned into a pity party about the way his life was going. Ricky’s friendship with Gina meant more to him than that. She meant more to him than that.
“You’re right. I haven’t been there for you and I’m sorry, but that doesn’t mean I don't care that you’re leaving. It feels like we just got you back,” he said, his voice much softer now.
Sometimes Ricky felt like he knew Gina his whole life. Like before he met her his life was this dull predictable dream that he couldn’t stop living. But then she showed up, with her high kicks and quick remarks. It was like Ricky woke up. The day he met Gina was the day he started living, and he wasn’t ready for his life to end.
He watched as Gina sat on the edge of her bed and played with the loose string of her blanket. He wanted her to say something, to tell him it was okay and that she’d stay..forever. But she didn’t. Instead she looked at him in a way that she never had before. Like she was hurt but didn’t want him to see it. But he did, because he saw her.
“I appreciate that Ricky, I do but it’s too late now,” Gina said, her voice just above a whisper. Ricky shook his head and crossed over her room to stand in front of her. Gina flinched slightly, as if she was worried that Ricky was going to reach out and touch her. He took a small step back and shoved his hands back into his pockets.
“It’s not, you haven’t gone anywhere yet, you haven’t even finished packing. Just say you’ll stay,” he pleaded. It wasn’t lost on Ricky that his words were borderline pathetic but he really didn’t care. Gina needed to know that he wanted her to stay.
“I need to go Ricky. I need to leave and be with my mom. Can’t you understand that?” Gina asked, looking up at him. Ricky could tell that Gina wanted this conversation to be over. For Ricky to give up, let her go, and become one of those people who you see on social media and wish happy birthday to under their posts along with 50 other people. But that’s not what he wanted. Maybe it was all the pent up energy and annoyance he had with his current relationship with Nini that he could never let out because he hardly saw her anymore, or maybe for the first time in Ricky’s life he was really passionate about something.
“Don’t do that. Don’t hide behind your mom and my mutual understanding of that to excuse why you’re leaving. You’ve built a life here Gina, how could you just walk away?” Of course Ricky could understand what it felt like to miss your mom. He spent so much time wishing she would come home and that they could be a family again. He understood it better than anyone.
Gina laughed and put her arms out, “What life Ricky? I’m living in a house that isn’t mine, with a family that I’ll never really be a part of and I’m playing a role in a musical that I didn’t even want. This isn’t a life to me. This is me surviving and I’m so tired of it. At least in St. Louis, I'll be with my mom.”
Ricky’s mouth was dry, he felt like an idiot. Not once during his friendship with Gina did he ever really think about what it must’ve been like for her living in a new city with kids who have known each other since preschool. How out of place she must’ve felt.
“I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way. I just, I don’t-” he started but was cut off by Gina. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to understand, like you used to,” she finished her voice cracking at the end.
Ricky looked at her and stepped closer. She didn’t flinch this time but instead moved some of her clothes so that he could sit down in front of her. He did, slowly just in case she changed her mind. She didn’t and Ricky put his hands on his thighs, rubbing them up and down as a way to calm himself down.
“I do understand Gina. You know that I always have. I don’t want you to leave like this. I don’t want you to leave and look back on your time here and see yourself against everyone else. You and I have always been on the same team. Outsiders remember?” Ricky said, smiling at the end.
Gina giggled softly, nodding her head. For a moment Ricky thought she changed her mind. That the power of their friendship was enough to make her stay, like in the movies. But this wasn’t a movie, this was life.
“I know and I’ll always remember that. But this is something that I have to do, Ricky. I can’t explain it,” Gina’s words sounded so final, like she had been thinking about doing this for weeks.
“You can’t or you won’t?” Ricky asked, only half joking. Gina didn’t answer, but instead grabbed his hand and ran her finger over the ring he always wore. Ricky looked down at their hands, his whole body suddenly on fire. He swallowed and looked back up at her. She was smiling as if she was trying to convince the both of them that her leaving was the right thing.
“Look Gina I know things are complicated but I think I have-” but before he could finish his phone rang, the instrumental to “The Start of Something New” filled the room. It was the ringtone he had for Nini. Ricky took his free hand to dig his phone out of his pocket, the contact picture of the two of them glowed on the screen. He quickly looked up at Gina, hoping she didn’t notice but it was too late. Gina let go of his hand and stood up.
“You should probably take that. She’s probably wondering where you are.” Gina said, her voice emotionless.
Ricky got up from the bed and silenced his phone. “No, I can call her back, it’s not like she’s never made me wait,” he joked, but Gina didn’t smile, instead she shifted uncomfortably on her feet.
“No seriously, you should go. It’s been a lot longer than five minutes and I have to finish packing anyways,” she gestured to her messy room.
Ricky opened his mouth to protest but Gina cut him off, “Thanks for coming over, I’m glad we resolved everything before I left,” she said as she walked towards her bedroom door, her hand on the nob.
Ricky looked at her dumbfounded. Resolved? He didn’t feel resolved, if anything he was more confused and frustrated now than he was when he got there. He wanted to protest, to make Gina finish what they started but he could tell by the look on her face that she was over it. He couldn’t fight it anymore.
Ricky walked toward her and Gina opened her door. “I’ll call you before you leave,” he said, searching her face for any type of emotion.
She gave him a tight lipped smile and placed her hand on his arm. “Sure, talk to you then,” she dropped her hand and opened her door all the way so he could leave.
Ricky held her gaze as he left her room. When he was standing on the other side he parted his lips but before he could make any noise Gina closed the door.
He sighed as he made his way towards the Moon’s front door. Ricky called out to Ashlyn to say bye and made his way out of the house. He stumbled down the steps and opened the door to Big Red’s orange Bug and got in. Before he could drive away he queued “When There Was Me and You” on his phone and pressed play. Vanessa Hudgens' voice blared through the speakers as he pulled out of the driveway and made his way farther and farther away from his best friend. If only he could turn back time.