Work Text:
Rayane was light on his feet as he headed away from the new lycée on a late Friday afternoon, heading back up into the town towards Karim’s place. The sun was still shining, even as autumn was beginning to show in the trees, and he had the whole weekend ahead of him.
Jack had some kind of family thing that evening, and with all the complexities of that, Rayane had not asked for more details. At the same time, Karim had reached out to invite him round to catch up and watch the game, and he was looking forward to spending time one on one with his own family. As he took out the keys Karim had had cut for him and rounded the corner onto the right road, he sent Jack a quick text wishing him good luck with whatever half-step-cousin-aunts he was having to endure.
“Bonsoir Karim!” He called, as he let himself in, pushing the door open and kicking off his shoes. He could hear gentle music coming from the kitchen and a surprisingly delicious smell of food. Rayane dropped his bag and headed round the corner.
“Don’t tell me you finally learned how to cook…”
Rayane stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide.
Jack stood, leaning back against the kitchen counter in a buttoned shirt, his eyes glinting and a wide grin playing on his lips at Rayane’s surprise. On the table were candles and flowers, several plates of food and an open bottle of wine.
Rayane took another step forward, taking everything in. “What’s going on?”
Jack crossed to him and kissed him deeply, slipping a hand round his waist. “Hi.”
Rayane was almost speechless. “Hi…” he stuttered, breathing in how good Jack smelt, how soft his shirt was. “What…what’s all this?”
Jack nuzzled in behind his ear and began kissing the side of his neck. “Surprise.”
Rayane thought his legs were about to give way. He swallowed. “Yes…”
Jack laughed and pulled back slightly, slipping their hands together and leading Rayane into the room.
“Jack, what is happening right now?”
Jack smiled again, a blush spreading through his cheeks as he spun so their faces were almost touching again. He looked down and trailed a hand from Rayane’s collarbone across his chest.
“OK; I know it’s a little clichéd, but…happy six months.”
He kissed him again, more quickly this time, before looking into his eyes expectantly, slightly nervously.
Rayane was still for a second before his cheeks dimpled. “Six months?” The smile went straight to his eyes. “Of us?”
Jack nodded. “Since the beach.”
“Since ‘ça change tout’?” Rayane said, softly. Jack’s eyes sparkled as he heard his own words repeated.
“Oui.”
“‘Qu'on être deux maintenant’?”
Jack giggled as Rayane brought their foreheads together in what he’d come to know as his favourite gesture.
“Oui.”
“Mon coeur,” said Rayane, his voice full of softness.
“I know.”
It was Rayane’s turn to lean in and capture his boyfriend’s lips, running his hand into his hair and bringing them together in a way that he hoped translated his emotions.
“Well done us,” Jack mumbled into the side of Rayane’s mouth. Without realising they’d been moving, he felt his back press up against the kitchen worktop.
“I’ll toast to that,” said Rayane, adding kisses down the side of Jack’s neck in the way he knew made his hands go useless. “But first…” He took hold of Jack round the waist and lifted him on to the countertop, bringing himself inside his legs. It was Jack’s turn to work his mouth along Rayane’s collarbone whilst twisting his hands into his hair.
“We do have all night.”
“Fantastic,” said Rayane, with the smallest of moans, running his hand along Jack’s thigh.
Jack wrapped one leg around Rayane’s and drew them together, reaching behind himself at the same time.
“So pace yourself.”
Rayane let out a noise of protest before his mouth fell open as Jack’s hand came back to feed him a small canape.
“Ohmygod,” he managed through the mouthful. Jack smiled and helped himself to one too, before allowing Rayane to kiss away the crumbs. “I think I love you more than ever.”
“Luckily for me the way to your heart is not very complicated.”
Rayane pouted, feigning seriousness. “No, I’ll have you know I am endlessly mysterious. It takes more than…whatever that delicious thing was…to capture me.”
“Ah ouais?”
“Ouais.”
“Merde,” said Jack, taking Rayane’s face in his hands and kissing it before reaching to the other side and slipping another bite to him. “In that case, I really hope the answer is this one instead.”
“Putain, Jack,” said Rayane, his eyes closed with pleasure. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“Quite a lot actually, I think,” said Jack, laughing. “Luckily for you, it seems like good karma is a thing.”
“Yeah well unfortunately you didn’t seem to believe in my bad boy persona. You ruined my street cred, you know?”
“Oh did I?” said Jack, leaning in for another kiss. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t think you are,” said Rayane, running his hand furtively underneath the hem of Jack’s shirt.
“It’s even worse because you definitely only helped me out from the goodness of your own heart,” said Jack, taking hold of Rayane’s hand through his shirt and running it up his chest. “Not from any ulterior motives at all.”
“Thank goodness you understand me so well,” said Rayane, leaning in to nip the side of Jack’s neck again. “This is all still just social work by the way.” He punctuated his words with stronger, deeper kisses. “Rehab.” Kiss. “After care.” Kiss. “Civic duty.”
“Tax well spent,” teased Jack, wrapping his other leg around the back of his boyfriend. “But I’m confused – I remember you actually made it really clear that we were just friends. This is still just a bit of fun that friends do, right?”
Rayane hesitated now, his eyes still bright but his cheeks reddening. Jack smiled and pouted, enjoying seeing his joke hit its mark. His face turning more intense, Rayane slid his other hand under Jack’s shirt as well and wrapped himself around his warm skin.
“Honestly; in all honesty, Jack.” He brought their faces together, forehead to forehead again. “I am so glad you know me better than I know myself sometimes. I don’t think I’ve told you enough how glad I am you didn’t let me run away.”
Jack kissed his nose and then his forehead, lingering in the moment of sincerity. “You don’t have to tell me; you let me know every time you choose to stay.”
Rayane smiled but nudged Jack gently with his hip. “Still, it’s my fault you are measuring our anniversary from the night on the beach rather than our first kiss.”
“Otherwise known as the night you found out how much I’d lied to you..?” Jack said, bashfully, linking his hands behind Rayane’s neck.
“Ah. That’s true.” Rayane laughed. “I’d genuinely forgotten that was part of the equation.”
They both smiled, still for a second.
“Can I…” started Jack, trailing his hand down Rayane’s shirt appreciatively. “Can I feed you some wine and food and then we return to exactly this same place; because I love everything about this but I have spent more money than I really have on things that I really don’t want to go to waste?”
Rayane laughed again. “I love you. Yes.”
Jack slid forward off the counter and led his boyfriend to the table, pouring them eat a glass of wine and offering Rayane a plate.
“You know,” said Rayane, feeding Jack a strawberry without warning, “Karim’s sofa is pretty comfortable. We could just take all this over there.”
“It’s on you if we spill anything.”
“You are such a neat freak; anyway, Karim is already such a fan of you, I’m sure I’ll get the blame.”
Jack smiled as they carried everything to the small coffee table.
“I guess that’s why he was on board with this plan.”
Rayane took a sip of wine and settled onto the sofa. Jack followed suit, tangling their legs together so that they both sat facing each other.
“So you are using my family to deceive and lie to me now?” grinned Rayane, leaning in for a fresh kiss. “You know I’ll lose trust in all of you.”
“More like bribing them to give us any peace and quiet. I may love that you and Lizzie no longer openly snarl at each other, but sometimes I do happen to want you all to myself.” He tucked his hands into the back of Rayane’s curls. “Karim was more than happy to go to Montpellier for the night.”
“And there I was, so looking forward to watching the game.”
“Mm,” said Jack, silencing him with his lips. “Karim lies much better than you do.” It was his turn to slip a hand under Rayane’s dark shirt onto his warm bare skin. “Do you know this is one of my favourite outfits in any case? Lucky me.”
“For a formerly blind guy, you are so shallow.”
“Forgive me. It’s just, when my boyfriend looks this good, I choose to live every day like I might never see again…”
Rayane tipped his head to the side, smirking. “Which means taking his shirt off?”
“If you insist.” Jack pushed gently against Rayane’s chest, moving his shirt upwards as he went.
“Ah ah ah,” Rayane protested, hooking his hands under his clothes, and taking hold of Jack’s. Holding him captive, he leaned in and kissed him deeply, passing both of Jack’s hands into one of his own and latching on to the back of his neck with the other. After a long minute, he placed Jack’s hands into his lap and pulled backwards, Jack’s lips and tongue following him instinctively. Jack’s eye’s opened enquiringly. Rayane sat back slightly, shuffling to bring his legs either side of his boyfriend. “I thought we were pacing ourselves?”
Jack made an involuntary moan of disappointment and Rayane laughed. He leant to the table, at the same time lifting a hand to the top of his shirt.
“You get…” he spoke slowly, teasingly, fingers working deftly. “One…two…three buttons.” He let his shirt fall open to his sternum. “And I get some more of these delicious things.” He fed himself deliberately, relishing the look on Jack’s face.
“You are so cruel sometimes,” Jack managed, finally, running his hands along Rayane’s outstretched thighs before hooking a finger into the neck of his unbuttoned shirt and pulling him closer again. When they broke apart again, they were almost sat on top of each other, legs crossed behind backs. Jack took another sip of wine. “It is…ridiculous to me…” he said, his fingers playing along Rayane’s collarbone, but his eyes looking down. “How much I want you, every day. Even after months. Even if it is literally the last thing that has happened to me. Even with you right here.”
Rayane smiled, cupping the side of Jack’s face, bringing his eyes up to meet him. “Moi aussi.”
Jack took a few slow breaths, taking him in.
“I think we need to address something,” Rayane said, looking up at Jack through his eyelashes in a way that occupied sleepless nights. He pulled his hand from Jack’s face and easily undid the first few buttons of his shirt. “That’s better.” Rayane slid his hand under onto the warm skin, feeling his pulse rush as Jack’s cheeks darkened. He smiled. “I love it when you blush; it’s like a beacon.”
Rayane unlooped his legs and gently strengthened the weight of his hand against Jack’s chest, guiding him down onto the couch. With his weight on his other hand he balanced kneeling over him. He reached down and unbuttoned Jack’s shirt further. “Is this ok?” he asked, curling in to kiss his face as his hand strayed across his bared chest.
“Yes,” breathed Jack, giving up on the pretence and reaching down to pull his shirt off over his head. Rayane began running his hands down the side of his body appreciatively. Jack’s hands fell on the belt at Rayane’s waist. “This?”
“Yes,” said Rayane, stretching up to make short work of his own shirt as Jack undid his belt with practice. Jack slipped the fingertips of one hand inside the waistband of his trousers in a way that made Rayane close his eyes and reach for the back of Jack’s neck. When Rayane rose up and lifted himself, Jack followed the signal and quickly unbuttoned and kicked off his own trousers, before his boyfriend lowered his weight back down, their hips pressing together fluently.
“Jack,” Rayane breathed into his lips, both hands holding his face as their whole bodies came together. Jack slid his hands between them and unfastened Rayane’s trousers, slipping them down to his knees. As Rayane kicked them away, Jack’s hands guided him back down between his legs with a small noise that made him bite his lip.
With only the remaining thin pieces of fabric between them, they fell into each other in rhythm, hands in hair, lips on bare skin, feet hooking around calves.
“God, Rayane,” sighed Jack, his hand running the length of his back to the waistband of his boxers. Clumsily, he tried to push them away from himself, tried to bring his arm between them to take hold of his boyfriend, but Rayane kept them pressed together, denying him space. Instead, Rayane slid himself backwards, his hands taking hold of the sides of Jack’s hips. Jack bit his lip again and fought to keep the involuntary moans of pleasure in check as Rayane’s mouth disappeared away from him, down across his chest. He laced his fingers into his hair as his knees came up instinctively and his own underwear was pulled away. Before he knew it, Jack’s own hand was in his mouth, poorly suppressing every wave of pleasure. “Putain…”
All of a sudden, it was too much, too much too soon. He tugged Rayane back to his lips by his hair, his boyfriend’s face flushed and burning. Jack took his mouth in one hand and crushed it to his own. He slid the other hand between them and took his boyfriend in the palm of his hand, working fervently, worshipfully. Rayane lifted himself into his hand eagerly, bringing their chests together, his moans barely muffled in Jack’s shoulder. Every sound, every hitched breath drove him on, utterly desperate to make Rayane feel as good as he possibly could.
Soon, Rayane’s shoulders dipped as Jack had learned they would, his breaths growing shorter. He forced himself up onto his elbows, gripping Jack’s face with his hands, kissing him sloppily, forehead to forehead, his eyes shining. “Jack, I love you,” he panted, his eyes closing again with pleasure. His dominant hand disappeared from Jack’s face and joined his own between their bodies, shocking Jack into a gasp of desire. “Fuck,” was all Jack could coherently whisper. “Yes, Rayane, please.”
His brain felt split in two. He couldn’t tell where Rayane ended and he began. His ears worked feverishly to trace the pitch of Rayane’s words as his own voice ran away with itself, together forming a mingled prayer to each other until they stopped being words at all. Rayane’s free hand was gripping Jack’s hair for dear life.
Suddenly. Suddenly. All at once, Jack was gasping into Rayane’s ear, Rayane’s weight holding him down as his back arched away from the sofa. Rayane’s arms collapsed, his body quaking, every part of him paralysed, overwhelmed, conquered. Neither spoke, their chests pounding, tremors running through them, neither daring to so much as touch a fingertip back to the other.
Shudderingly, incrementally, the moment stilled. With supreme effort, Rayane reached out to the side for a box of tissues and they cleaned up fumblingly. Jack lent back onto the sofa, his hand in his hair, as Rayane laid back down across him, both their breathing still coming quick.
“Putain, Jack,” Rayane breathed into the pillows.
Jack let out a short laugh, his heart thudding in his chest, staring at the ceiling, hormones still coursing through him. “Yep…”
“That was so good,” Rayane rolled over and nuzzled into his shoulder, closing his long eyelashes together.
Jack laughed again breathily, folding his arm around his shoulders. When Rayane stayed still, he pinched his cheek tenderly. “You better not fall asleep on me already.”
“Mmmmn.” Rayane let out a moan of objection, wriggling away from Jack’s hand deeper into his chest.
“Like clockwork,” murmured Jack. “I should have made you a coffee first.”
“…your fault,” protested Rayane, his lips muffled on Jack’s skin. He did open his eyes then, bringing his hand up onto Jack’s chest, feeling the quick beating of his heart. “If you don’t feel the same then maybe I didn’t do a good enough job..?”
Jack combed his hand through Rayane’s curls and kissed the top of his head. “Impossible.” On cue, a lingering tremble of pleasure ran through him.
It was Rayane’s turn to smile, and he stretched to place a kiss in the corner of Jack’s mouth. “Good.”
Jack ran his fingers down Rayane’s bare, warm, soft back, his heart singing with contentment and wonder at the boy he was allowed to love. On cue, Rayane made a small easeful sigh under his hand.
“It’s nice not to worry about being overheard,” Jack thought out loud, looking across the room and thinking of the ridiculous logistics of privacy they’d had to invent at his own house.
“Mmm,” said Rayane, running a hand across Jack’s bicep. “I like the feedback.”
“Me grabbing you for dear life isn’t usually enough feedback?”
Rayane squeezed his arm. “I like both kinds of feedback.”
He tried to stifle a yawn unsuccessfully and looked bashfully up at Jack. His boyfriend smiled and snuck a gentle kiss onto his forehead. “Maybe a nap can be allowed, but only if it’s recovery for round two…” He played his fingers across Rayane’s lower back. “I’m assuming there’s some kind of spare bed here somewhere?”
Rayane murmured in satisfaction and agreement, but rubbed his hand over his eyes and then wrapped an arm over Jack’s body. “No, I can stay awake. I’ve got all the dream I need right here.”
Jack wanted to tease him for something so soppy, but he just blushed.
“You love it when I’m cheesy,” poked Rayane, nudging his curls under Jack’s chin.
“I do. I love love and I love you.”
Rayane smiled back and drew slow circles with his finger across Jack’s body. He paused for a second and then the smile went broader.
“Did you not want to wear your big declaration t-shirt again today?”
Jack blushed harder and hid his face with his hand. “Oh non, arrêt…”
“I miss it! If anything, it was a key part of our first day, all those six months ago.” Rayane couldn’t believe how time could change a memory; he could recall just how angry he had been, feeling trapped in that classroom as Jack exposed himself to every ridicule, wanting to bury himself away from the spotlight intensity of Jack’s feelings, hyper fixated on a fear of being judged.
“Only because it pissed you off.”
Now Rayane couldn’t imagine a world where Jack behaved any differently. Now it was one of his biggest privileges, to be the focus of such a brave kind of love. “Well…maybe I needed to be pissed off. You can’t deny that you got the outcome you were looking for.”
Jack stroked Rayane’s shoulder slowly, equally remembering all the drama of that day. “I think Lizzie would essentially have called it a campaign of harassment, but you’re right.”
Rayane laughed, remembering the photo on the car as well. Perhaps this was the start of Lizzie’s opinion of him thawing. “I think I’d agree with her. But still, turns out I did need leading to the right conclusion.”
Jack smiled. “I think your subconscious was on my side. Who decides to try and have an argument on a moonlit promenade after sunset?”
Rayane nodded but stayed looking thoughtful. He pushed up onto one elbow, looking into Jack’s face and tucking a curl behind his ear. “How did you know? How could you be so sure? I don’t think I’ll ever get over how that felt, to have someone be so confident in me.”
Jack let his thoughts linger on those memories. “When…” He tried to think through what he wanted to communicate. He spread both hands over the small of Rayane’s back, still living for the feeling of their hips touching as easily as breathing. “And please skip over how this goes back to me not being honest with you sooner. But, when you can see how someone treats you when they don’t think you can see them…you know. Especially when you can also see that there is something scaring them, something holding them back.”
Rayane swallowed. Jack carried on. “If you’d have pulled away earlier, before you kissed me in the skatepark, then I don’t know. Maybe I would have believed I deserved it and that it wasn’t meant to be. But after that, I knew it was just a matter of time, of breaking down barriers…” He tipped his head to the side. “Or harassment…”
He kissed Rayane then, with safety and security and belonging, before propping his head up on one hand. Rayane tried to calm the swelling wave of devotion in his heart before it reduced him to tears.
“Do you think you would have kissed me when you still thought I was blind?” asked Jack, out of the blue, his eyes giving away that this was something he’d wanted to ask for a long time. “If we hadn’t been interrupted?”
The memories of their close encounters flickered across Rayane’s face with a look of wistfulness. Rayane let out a long exhale. “God, I had such a crush on you then.” Jack swatted at his face and Rayane laughed, grabbing his hand. “You were just so…just such a good thing.” He kissed Jack’s lips silent as he began to protest. “And you are now, but you know what I mean.” His voice threatened to betray him. “I needed that so much at that time.”
He dropped down from resting on his arm to lie fully alongside his boyfriend, looking at his profile. He found the underside of Jack’s chin with a few fingers. “I’m pretty sure I wasn’t going to stop when your mum walked in. But I don’t know what I would have done after that. I’m sure I would have panicked just as much as I did later. And…I think I would have felt more guilty, more like I had made that decision for you.” He tipped Jack’s face towards his. “All things considered, I’m kind of glad I didn’t.” He let out a breath. “I do love that time for us.” They kissed as Jack nodded.
“Although…” said Rayane, his eyes shifting as though he was now considering something for the first time, “would you have told me you could see again earlier, if I hadn’t tried to kiss you..?”
Jack pursed his lips as he considered his answer. “…yes. Probably. Maybe…”
“Hypothetically?” added Rayane, squeezing Jack’s hip.
“Hypothetically,” agreed Jack, looking back at the ceiling.
“What a complicated history,” Rayane said slowly, his eyes slightly wet.
“You don’t get this on the apps,” Jack joked.
“No.”
Rayane’s reply was in a deeper voice than Jack was expecting. He pulled himself onto his side as well, so they were fully face to face, balancing precariously along the edge of the sofa. Rayane’s hand held tighter to his back.
“You ok?” Jack touched their noses together in the gentlest way.
Rayane closed his eyes and nodded, leaving their foreheads touching. “Just…ambushed by memories and thoughts.” He sniffed softly, surprised at himself, but carried on, feeling safely vulnerable in Jack’s arms. “Things could have gone in so many different directions for us.”
“Mm,” agreed Jack, gently brushing a finger along his boyfriends temple, caught by his turn of emotion. “But it’s all brought us here.”
Rayane opened his eyes, which continued to shine with a film of tears. “I don’t like the idea of that keeping happening though. What if down the line we make the wrong decision in one of those moments?”
Jack shifted closer to him, reaching to pick up Rayane’s hand and wrap it fully over his back. His breath came steady and even, and he leaned into it. Usually, fear just the same as Rayane was feeling would overwhelm him too, send his thoughts spiralling and leave him floundering in the hypotheticals. But not today.
“‘Qu'on être deux maintenant’, right?” whispered Jack. A flicker of a small smile crossed Rayane’s lips but his eyes stayed lost. “So, we can make decisions together.” Jack knew that what Rayane had been through always left him feeling at the mercy of the world, a victim of other people’s choices. “And if we make a decision, we know why we made it and where we want it to take us. We can make any choice, but we can protect this in it.” Jack smiled, smoothing Rayane’s hair back from his face and kissing his forehead. “We’re not the same people we were back then; not even six months on. We talk, we understand, we get upset but we work it out.” It was Jack’s turn to smile and realise something in the moment. “Anyway, you’ve always been the best at knowing how to guide me when I felt lost.”
Rayane’s eyes had softened. He sighed, rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so anxious.”
Jack kissed him again. “I’ll always choose you, Rayane. I’m always going to choose you.”
Rayane gathered him close, breathing in both their warmth, the fresh sweat on their skin. “Come here.”
Jack was so happy to hold him for just as long as he wanted. When Rayane finally relaxed his arms slightly, Jack resumed kissing him to his heart’s desire. After a few minutes, Rayane was smiling at him again through the kiss.
“You know,” said Jack, feeling a breath of cool air across his bare skin, and watching shadows from the windows dance over Rayane, “it’s gotten pretty dark. Maybe we have a little more food and then take this pillow talk somewhere with actual pillows and a blanket?”
Rayane nodded and eased himself up to sitting, slipping his boxers back on as Jack did the same. But rather than sit side by side, he gathered one leg up and shifted so that Jack was sat within his legs, gathering his whole back into his chest, wrapping his arms across his stomach, his chin tucked into his shoulder.
Jack rubbed his hand across the encircling arms, picking up a section of fig and cheese from the table and offering it to the lips he could just see.
“I have a question,” Jack ventured, taking a sip of wine and leaning into the feeling of Rayane’s shoulders fully wrapping around him, warm, devoted, secure. He felt the chin on his shoulder shift slightly as Rayane swallowed. “Tell me what you are looking forward to..? The future?” He twisted, wanting to look at Rayane’s face, looking up into his dark eyes, as his own question made him feel vulnerable.
Rayane looked up reflectively for a moment. “I’m looking forward to,” he started, before squeezing Jack to him once more, “birthdays, Christmas, any celebration really now that you have set the bar this high…” He lingered for a second. “More anniversaries…”
Jack couldn’t stop the love in his heart escaping into his face. Rayane kissed him as the smile spread across his lips.
Rayane carried on. “I’d like to do something proper with you; visit Paris, or London even. Show you around and show you off. Make some memories somewhere different. Take more photos.” Jack stole deeper into his chest as Rayane ran with the idea. “But also,” Rayane kissed his neck now, “just more of this. And more of the everyday.”
Jack laced his fingers through one of Rayane’s hands. “I like those decisions.” He pulled on the hand, standing and spinning round to pull Rayane up after him.
“What about you?” asked Rayane, standing up into his boyfriend’s arms, looping Jack’s forearms around his neck and taking hold of his waist, swaying them together in time to the music that was still playing from the kitchen.
“Me?” said Jack coyly. He wound his fingers into Rayane’s hair and pulled them together for the thousandth time. “I am looking forward to the next 35 minutes. Then the two hours after that. Then the eight hours after that.” Rayane’s smile grew. “Then tomorrow morning, then tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow evening…” He turned, taking Rayane by the hand and leading him back into the apartment, blowing out the candles and grabbing his bag on the way, before following his boyfriend’s lead into a darkened bedroom. “I love you; come here,” he said again, before closing the door behind them.