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A knight who wore a suit instead of shining armor came to save him. Doppo gallantly grabbed his hand and took him away.
His body moved on its own, following him. Hifumi had no idea where they were going. He could only see Doppo's back, illuminated by neon lights.
Even if Doppo kept a death grip on his hand, it didn't hurt. On the contrary, his hand felt so warm and reassuring.
It made him feel safe.
Hifumi felt as if a prince riding a white horse had rescued him.
His heart is pounding so hard, but there's also a lump in his throat.
Doppo shouldn't have saved him, he's a cursed, wretched man who will only bring trouble and misfortune to him. Doppo, who is all quiet and shy, and hates drawing attention to himself, started working on sales. He's progressing with his life, he's overcoming his difficulties and walking towards a bright future.
And he just lost his job because of him…
Even if he just felt like a princess being rescued by a prince, in reality, he's closer to the monster that Doppo should slay to get his happy ending.
“I'm so sorry, Doppo…”
“Don't worry about it…” he replied simply, with a small smile.
He can't keep going on like this.
Their apartment's balcony has a nice view. Even if it's mostly decorated with skyscrapers, it still has a clear view of the sky. When the occasion arises, Doppo likes to just lean over the railing and just look at the scenery. It helps him to sort out his thoughts.
Today has been partially cloudy, but pretty cold. Soon it will be winter, after all. Even if he feels like his work days are eternal, time really flies by. Before he knows it, it's gonna be New Year's Day.
Another year is going to pass and Hifumi will still be Shinjuku's number one host, while Doppo, on his part, will still have the same job position…
They've been renting this place together for more than five years…
It's not like he completely dislikes working in sales, it makes him happy when the doctors rely on him, and he likes the certain sense of responsibility that his work gives him. And it's not like he wants a promotion. That would mean more responsibilities, after all.
He just wants his efforts to be recognized and to come home at a reasonable hour. He doesn't want more work tossed at him at the very last minute, but that seems kinda impossible for someone in his field of work.
Sales are gratifying in a certain way, but also very demanding and with each year, he feels more tired. However, what's bothering him the most is the fact that his work schedule doesn't leave him enough time for his boyfriend. Sure, they have opposite schedules on top of that, but still, it feels kinda cruel to barely see his boyfriend throughout the week. Let alone do things together.
Couldn't he just leave on time? But what if that affects his performance and he gets demoted or, even worse, fired? It's not like he's irreplaceable to his company… Besides, he has worked at E. L. Medical for many years and times are hard, he better stick to his current job. Being unemployed would be way worse than his current situation…
Having a healthy work-life balance is just impossible for him.
“Looking at the scenery?” Hifumi asks as he leans on the balcony's railing. “The sky looks totes pretty today! Sunsets are really better with some clouds, don't you think?~”
Doppo just hums in agreement. He wasn't really paying attention to the sky until Hifumi mentioned it, but now that he does, the sunset looks really beautiful today. The clouds are painted in lovely shades of pink and orange, some even violet. They contrast entrancingly with the color of the sky.
Of course Hifumi notices the bright side of things while he's feeling down in the dumps.
He doesn't have many opportunities to look at the sky. He should treasure this moment as much as he can… Still, it's difficult to bring his eyes back to the sky when Hifumi looks way prettier than the scenery. The way that the sunset’s glow illuminates him makes him look ethereal. It’s almost as if the sun is shining especially for him. For a moment, Doppo believes that he's dreaming.
He’s so dazzling…
“Soon it's going to be winter, so we won't get many sunsets like this. Stargazing is gonna be super hard too, but it would be nice if it snowed this year, don't you think, Doppochin?~” Hifumi rambles with a smile. Doppo doesn't really mind the weather or the sky conditions—he spends most of the time in his office with AC—but he could listen to Hifumi for hours. Then, Hifumi turns his way and beams, “Maybe they'll let you go home earlier if that happens. And I will be waiting for you with a warm omurice!~”
Doppo directs his gaze back to the city below him.
“... Shouldn't we stop this?”
"Huh?"
“About us being together…” Doppo elaborates, looking downward. Even if the sun is still shining bright, most of the streets are covered in shade. “I'm hopeless, Hifumi. You should be with someone better.”
Hifumi should be with someone who could really spend time with him. Someone who could lavish him with attention and gifts, bringing him his favorite roses every day. Someone who could take him to all his favorite places and even discover new places together.
Someone who isn't a stagnant, depressed and overworked salaryman…
Hifumi is so lovely and cute. All the guys around him should be dying to ask him on a date or something…
“C'mon, you know that's not true, Doppochin,” Hifumi says softly, putting his hand on Doppo's shoulder. “Did… something happen?”
“I'm just telling the truth. You'll be happier with someone else,” Doppo insisted, still looking downward. “You've wasted way too many years by my side, but you should settle down with someone else. I don't want to be your ball and chain…”
“... Sometimes you can be really cruel, Doppo.”
Surprised by Hifumi's response, Doppo lifts his head from the railing and looks at him. He isn't being cruel, quite the contrary, he's finally addressing the elephant in the room. Hifumi is too nice to give up on him, but he can't keep getting in the way of his happiness.
Once he finally turns around, Doppo feels his heart sink.
Hifumi is crying.
“You should stop acting like you know what's best for me,” he says as his voice wavers, fighting his crying. “I'm already happy… Why can't you see that?”
“Hifumi…” Doppo stretches his arms towards him, without really knowing why. Does he want to hug him? Should he really do that after what he said? Does he want to say that he didn't mean it? It's not like he's going to take back what he said. It's the truth, after all.
Hifumi pulls away from him. “Sorry. I just… I want to be alone for a while…”
He simply retires to his bedroom and sunset turns to dusk.
Doppo feels like he's just been stabbed.
Shinjuku's neon nightscape has always fascinated Hifumi. The way that the city transforms at dusk is dazzling and mesmerizing in its own way. It's almost like a human-made galaxy.
Hifumi would love to be part of that scenery too. He would love to explore this sleepless city, to discover all the wonders that it holds, and to be bathed in its captivating neon glow.
However, that idea is also extremely terrifying. Going outside makes his blood turn cold, because she could be lurking around the corner. She's in every woman he meets, regardless of anything.
Still… No matter how scared he is, he needs to change. He can't keep going like this. He can't keep causing trouble to his dear friend.
He will become a host.
You know, when I saw myself with a suit in the mirror, I felt like a different person.
Somehow, it feels as if he's giving him a push.
“Kannonzaka, you look like you just killed someone and the guilt is killing you…” Mitsuya told him on their lunch break. “But Baldy is still around, so what happened?”
“C'mon, Mitsuya, don't be like that,” Ogura chided him and gave Doppo a sympathetic look. “But you don't look too hot, Kannonzaka. Are you feeling okay?”
And that is how they ended up in an izakaya after work. It's not like Doppo really wants to tell them what happened, but their concern is genuine, and maybe if he talks it out, he will finally stop feeling like shit.
Besides, he didn't feel like going home. He doesn't feel like he deserves to eat Hifumi's dinner. It's not like he feels like eating to begin with; his stomach has been in knots the whole day. However, he would have felt way worse if he had let Hifumi's lovely bento go to waste…
Despite everything, he still cooked for him… He still left him a cute note that told him to do his best, but not to overwork himself…
“Ugh… I kinda get where you're coming from, but you really were a jerk, Kannonzaka,” Mitsuya says once he ends telling them what happened. “It's almost like you're dismissing all of his efforts because you don't feel worthy of them. And I'm sure you're aware of all the things he does for you.”
Doppo tries to distract himself by eating the tamagoyakis that he ordered. It's not like he's hungry; his stomach has been in knots ever since their little fight. If that could be called a fight, to begin with…
He knows that Mitsuya has a point, but that's not what he wants to hear right now.
He isn't even sure about what he wants right now…
As soon as the tamagoyaki enters his mouth, he feels rather disappointed. They aren't very fluffy and taste quite bland…
Hifumi's cooking is way better.
If it were possible, Doppo would kick himself for missing Hifumi's cooking after everything that happened.
“I'm sure that he'll be happier with someone else…” he replies, picking another tamagoyaki, dipping it in soy sauce this time.
“But he wants you , Kannonzaka,” Mitsuya points out. “Besides, do you really think that you could bear seeing him with someone else? Be honest.”
“That's…”
A very important question about a scenario that Doppo's been avoiding to imagine.
If he says that Hifumi would be happier with someone else, that means that he's willing to let him go. That means that he'll be okay with living on his own…
It will hurt like hell to see him with someone else, just imagining it makes him feel awful.
But if it was for Hifumi's happiness…
“Besides, if being with you makes him happy, you should respect that.” Mitsuya continues, almost as if he could read his mind. “Like, he literally told you that he's happy with you, Kannonzaka. So you're almost walking over his feelings. You don't get to decide what makes him happy.”
“But still…”
“Don't tell me that you plan to break up with him?”
“I never said anything about breaking up!” he fumes. “It's just that my head is a mess… and I can't stop thinking about his crying face…”
“C'mon, Mitsuya, cut the guy some slack. He's been mentally kicking himself enough…” Ogura intervenes, and Doppo is extremely grateful for his presence. He still looks at him with an expression that Doppo can't quite read. “You guys are childhood friends, right? I'm sure he already knows what he's signing up for. And you always say how brutally honest he is, so I'm sure that he's genuinely happy with you.”
“You… have a really good point.”
“Besides, he's quite wealthy, right? So it's not like you have him trapped in a terrible relationship. He could leave you anytime he pleases.”
Ogura's comment feels like a punch in the gut. Especially because he never really thought about the difference in their salaries.
Hifumi could leave him anytime he pleases. He's no longer a rookie, he's been Shinjuku's number one host for a while, so he could even buy a penthouse for himself. Hell, he can even buy a house if he so wishes.
But instead of doing that, he's always buying stuff to make their apartment more homely.
Look at these placemats that I found the other day, Doppochin! They look super nice on our dining table, right?~
Even before they put their feelings into words, Hifumi has always made a home for them. If he can call their apartment his home, it's because Hifumi is there.
What kind of plants would be good for the living room? Our apartment should be all pretty and cozy!~
He's such a fool.
“Shit! My bad! I didn't mean to make you feel bad,” Ogura apologizes quickly upon seeing his face. “My point is… Just because you don't feel worthy of him, that doesn't mean that he's unhappy with you. If you feel like you don't deserve him, why don't you work harder to become someone who deserves him?”
“But that's impossible for someone like me…”
“Nonsense! You're saying that because you’re feeling like shit right now,” Mitsuya chimes in. “Just focus on one thing at a time to not get overwhelmed. Isn't that what you told me when I started to work with you guys? C'mon, Kannonzaka. You're better than this.”
“That's right! Don't give up without really trying, Kannonzaka!”
What has been eating him alive for these past years, finally comes to light at a little drinking party that they had once they finally settled down in their new apartment.
“Doppo,” Hifumi says, lowering his beer can. There was a slight tremor in his voice. “I'm really sorry for getting you fired from your old job. I promise that I'll make it up to you.”
“Hifumi?” he asks, lowering his can too. Hifumi only looked at him with a determined expression, making Doppo let out a sigh. “You don't have to worry about that. I decided to quit,” Doppo replies. Despite slurring his words, his tone is reassuring but firm. “You didn't get me fired, Hifumi.”
If Hifumi wasn't so filled with dread, he would have found it cute. Doppo is still not very good with alcohol. He just had a couple of cans, but he's already like this.
“Yeah, but if you hadn't recommended me, you wouldn't have decided to quit…”
“What are you saying?” he asked, looking at him with something that could only be described as disbelief. “Do you really think that I could keep working for him after everything that he did to you? I hope that his face is still hurting from the punch that I gave him.”
Hifumi can't quite understand Doppo's reaction. Getting so angry on his behalf, when he clearly was the one that messed things up…
Still, he's extremely relieved to know that Doppo doesn't hate him or resent him.
“You shouldn't say things like that…” Doppo says after a while, grabbing his hand. His tone is so soft and he holds his hand as if it were something precious. It completely took Hifumi by surprise.
“Huh?”
“Talking about yourself as if you weren't important… As if you weren't important to me,” he says slowly, taking his time to choose his words. He caresses his hand from time to time, making Hifumi's heart skip a beat. “Just… At the very least, think that it makes me sad to hear you talk about yourself like that…”
When he arrived home, Hifumi had already left for work. Even if Doppo knew that the apartment would be empty, he couldn't help but feel disappointed.
Well, in any case, it wouldn't have been fair for Hifumi to talk about what happened before he had to go to work…
Waiting for their schedules to line up is going to take an eternity and Doppo can't keep going like this. Fortunately, he can take tomorrow off since he has accumulated a lot of days. He always saves them in case of an emergency, emergencies that are always related to Hifumi, because Doppo wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something happened to him and he couldn’t be there for him…
In a way, this feels like an emergency for him.
Humming an upbeat melody as he puts his earrings in, Hifumi starts to cast his spell.
Even after all of these years, he still needs to look at himself in the mirror as he gets ready for the magic to work. The figure that looks back at him from the mirror isn't his scared self, but Shinjuku's number one host, clad in confidence and charm. Everybody falls for him and he relishes that attention.
Still, there are some nights when he can't fully cast his spell, and he can't hide his true self completely. He feels insecure. He wants to run away and hide from the world. He's scared. His heart feels like it's being suffocated.
He wants to be protected. He wants to be precious enough to be protected.
On nights like those, he takes a deep breath as he straightens his collar. Then, he pushes the commissure of his lips up with his index fingers, trying to smile. After all, a long face isn't charming at all.
A certain someone would definitely not give into his negative feelings. He would face the situation head-on.
“No matter how hard things get or how much you hate it, you still keep going,” he murmurs to himself, as he makes sure for one last time that everything's in place for dinner. “You're so strong, Doppo-kun.”
Even after all of these years, he still gives him strength when he needs it the most…
Hifumi hopes that Doppo enjoys his dinner. He made his favorite, after all.
It's a little funny. He won't be able to see Doppo's happy face as he eats, but his chest feels all warm and light just thinking about it.
Right now, this much happiness is enough for him.
“C-can we talk?” Doppo asks, stumbling through his words. “I want to apologize…”
“… For what?”
The question startles Doppo for a moment, until he remembers how much Hifumi dislikes it when he apologizes for no reason or just to descale a situation.
He wants to make sure that his words aren't empty.
"For saying that you would be better with someone else," he replies, making sure to look at Hifumi's eyes as he speaks. Then, he lets out a sigh and adds, "I still think that I'm more of a burden than anything, but I shouldn't assume what's best for you…"
“It's okay, Doppo. I'm… actually sorry, too,” Hifumi confesses, letting out a big sigh. “Even if I understand how you feel, I can't help but get a little sad…”
That caught Doppo by surprise. “What do you mean?”
Hifumi scratches his neck as he looks down. “... C'mon, Doppochin, you're talking to the guy that could only apply to part-time jobs and never lasted enough in any of them…”
“But that's different.”
Hifumi has a phobia, but Doppo doesn't have a real justification for his situation. He just crashed and burned through adulthood.
“I wonder… but the feeling is the same,” Hifumi replies softly with a far-off gaze. “Even if I loved it when you came to visit me and look after me, it always reminded me of how pathetic I was… You were leading a bright and successful life, and I was only weighing you down. I always felt bad when you had to take care of me…”
That sends alarms throughout his body. He doesn't like it when Hifumi talks about himself like that, like he isn't worth the effort. And nothing about him is pathetic, quite the contrary, he's the strongest and kindest person he has ever known.
How can he make him understand just how important he is to him? Taking care of him is a burden that he'll gladly take. He wants to be there for him if things get hard.
“... You're way too important to me. I can't just leave you alone when you're having a hard time.” He took his hand. Even if he actually wanted to hug him, he wasn't sure if that would be the best thing to do. “And, I wouldn't consider my life to be bright without you in it… I don't want a life without you.”
Doppo doesn't even want to imagine a life without him.
“Well, I feel the same way, Doppochin,” Hifumi simply replies with a small smile.
Doppo looks at him dumbfounded, before letting out a little chuckle.
He's such an idiot. They're both idiots.
“I'm a mess,” Doppo confesses, almost as if he wants to give him a final warning. “I'm trying to get better, but I'm still a mess, Hifumi.”
“I still love you,” Hifumi replies without missing a beat. Smile as serene as moonlight. “I'm still happy by your side.”
Doppo hugs him tightly, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “I'm happy by your side too. Always been.”
“I love you~”
Words like that fall easily from Hifumi’s lips. However, that doesn't mean that he doesn't mean what he says. Quite the contrary, his love is so big that it's impossible for him to keep it quiet. He needs to love loudly.
Doppo isn't like him, he keeps his feelings to himself and buries them deep so they can never bother anyone. Even if the ocean of his feelings threatens to drown him, he would rather love quietly than let his feelings be known.
It never felt like the time was right. He was scared of redefining their relationship. Then, Hifumi needed a friend, not a lover. He didn't want to burden him with his feelings when he was going through so much. And now, he still struggles with feeling worthy of him…
But he should tell him how he feels too.
It feels forbidden. It always feels like he's going to condemn them both if he puts his feelings into words. Like he's gonna bind Hifumi to a life of misery if he lets him know he feels the same.
…
He should change his way of thinking.
He's not a hopeless, good-for-nothing corporate slave. He's just an anxious 29-year-old.
Sometimes you can be really cruel, Doppo.
He doesn't get to define what happiness is to Hifumi.
“I l-love you too,” he mumbles. It's not the first time that he has said it, but the words still left his mouth clumsily. It's embarrassing and awkward, but Hifumi perks up, and he looks so surprised, but also so happy, and Doppo can't keep his mouth shut.
“I love you a lot, Hifumi.” He wraps his arms around him. He's so precious. The word love doesn't seem to encompass the magnitude of his feelings. “I really, really, love you!”
He wishes that they could stay like this for all eternity.
Hifumi always falls asleep quickly, but, even with his pills, Doppo needs at least half an hour to do so. In the meantime, he can't help but watch his boyfriend sleep. Hifumi looks so calm and peaceful, and so beautiful, and cute. His slightly disheveled hair adds to the charm.
He's so lucky to be by his side.
Since it's summer, his boyfriend is wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt, leaving the scar on his arm fully visible…
Unable to hold himself back, Doppo starts to caress his cheek. Hifumi is so strong, so kind… but Doppo secretly wishes that he didn't need to be like that. Even if his strength always leaves him awestruck, he wishes that Hifumi didn't have to go through all of that.
Doppo wants good fortune to always smile upon him. He's so precious to him. He means the world to him.
He hopes that Hifumi is having good dreams.
After a while, Doppo notices that his boyfriend is grabbing his shirt with a loose grip. It was almost as if he wanted them to be closer, but was afraid to do more.
Doppo scoots near him and holds him, kissing his forehead. Fortunately, Hifumi doesn't wake up; he just melts into his embrace.
“You can take more from me, you know,” he murmurs, stroking his hair. “I want you to take more.”
I want to give you my all.
As much as he loves Hifumi's cooking, he knows that it can be quite demanding to always cook for them, and Hifumi always likes to make something new for them. Doppo, on his part, only knows how to make basic stuff, and he isn't even sure if he still knows how to cook, since it's been so long since he has made anything on his own.
They've had this arrangement ever since they started to live together, which is quite a long time. It must have become annoying for him… Still, instead of simply assuming that it must be a bother, he should ask Hifumi about it…
“Don't you get tired of cooking for us all the time?” Doppo asks as he dries the dishes while Hifumi makes dinner.
If it's tiring for him, then Doppo could propose cooking from time to time… He could make his own lunch, for example…
“Nope! Not at all,” he replies with a big smile. “I get why it could be tiring for some people, but I really love cooking, you know. It's totes fun and relaxing!~ And I really love seeing you enjoy my cooking.”
“H-Huh?”
“You just look so adorable when you're eating, Doppo!~” Hifumi beams. “Like, the way that your eyes just close and you can't help but smile as you munch… It makes me, like, super happy to know that my cooking is appreciated. I wouldn't get the same feeling if it wasn't my own cooking, you know…”
“R-Really?” Doppo asks, embarrassed. He never noticed that he did that. Then, he adds, “But it's not like we have many opportunities to eat together…”
“That's true, but just seeing your plate on the dish racket… or knowing that you even got seconds makes me happy,” Hifumi turns his face away from him, but Doppo catches sight of his cheeks turning red. How cute. Then Hifumi adds, sounding more energetic, “And I have lots of fun searching for new recipes and thinking about the flavors and textures that you like. I don't want us to eat the same things every week or you'll get tired of my cooking~”
“I could never get tired of your cooking,” Doppo replies without missing a beat, and now it’s Hifumi's turn to blush.
“C'mon, Doppochin…”
“I really mean it!” he assured him. Eyes burning with excitement. “The other day, when Baldy dragged us to karaoke, we ordered some karaage and everybody was gushing about how good it was, but I didn't find it anything special. I thought that karaage was easy to make, but nobody can make it as good as yours…”
Hifumi feels his world stop when he hears that. He can no longer focus on what he's cooking, so he ends up turning the stove off.
Does Doppo really like his cooking that much?
“It made me realize how spoiled I am…” Doppo says softly, probably unaware of how much this means to Hifumi. “We could go to a five-star restaurant and I'm sure that I would still find your cooking to be better. Seriously, nothing can compare to your cooking, Hifumi.”
Heat rushed to his face. Hearing those kinds of things makes his heart dance. Especially because they're coming from Doppo. Hifumi knew that he enjoyed his cooking, but listening to Doppo talk like that made him all giddy and warm.
Ah, he's so happy. He feels like floating!~
Then, Doppo adds with a chuckle, “Even Mitsuya keeps asking me to share my lunch with him since I keep talking about how good your cooking is.”
Hifumi is way too happy to keep paying attention to Doppo's chatter, so he just throws himself into his arms. "Doppochin!~"
“H-Huh?”
“I want to cook for you for the rest of my life,” he exclaimed, hugging Doppo tightly. “Don't buy things from convenience stores. I promise that I'll always have a meal for you!”
“Morning, Doppochin!~” Hifumi greets him cheerfully, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. Doppo slowly rouses from his slumber, blinking several times.
“Morning… Hifumi…” he finally says, still sounding sleepy. Trying his best to form a sentence. Hifumi finds it adorable.
Even with his messy bedhead, Doppo looks so handsome and charming. He's so lucky to wake up to this sight.
“Wakey-wakey, Doppochin!~” he says as he shakes his shoulders. Doppo just hums, looking at him with half-closed eyes, and Hifumi feels his heart give in. “I guess that you could sleep a little more while I make breakfast… Do you have any requests?~”
Before he can get out of bed, Doppo wraps his arms around him and brings him back to bed, closer to him. “Stay… please?”
Hifumi feels his heart skip a beat and heat spreads through his face. He must definitely still be drowsy, because regular Doppo would never be this bold.
They end up kind of spooning, with Hifumi being the little spoon. He has to admit that it's kind of tempting to just stay in bed like this. Doppo feels so warm and cozy behind him. Besides, how many times had he secretly fantasized about having his arms around him just like this?
The only downside of this is that he can't see his Doppo's face. He must look so adorable right now…
“C'mon, Doppochin. If we stay like this, we're going to fall asleep again…” Hifumi protests weakly. Even if he's enjoying this, it's Doppo's day off, so he should make the most out of this day!
“I won't fall asleep. I promise,” he mumbles. Even if he sounds drowsy, Hifumi can feel how determined he is. Then, almost as if to prove his point, he starts to nuzzle his neck lovingly. “It's too cold outside, so I just… want to stay like this a little longer… Is it okay?”
Hifumi wasn't the type of person to stay in bed after waking up; he always got out of bed immediately. Still, there's always a first time for everything. And if morning cuddles were included…
“More than okay!~” he beams as he turns over. “But only if I can hug you too~”
"Are you sure that you're fine with a place like this?" Doppo can't help but ask. Since he insisted on splitting all the costs equally, they ended up camping in a budget-friendly park.
Sure, he wanted to do the things that Hifumi enjoys with him, even if he isn't a big fan of outdoor activities, but maybe they could've gone to a more rural place, a place with more wilderness. Maybe they could have even gone to another prefecture…
“C'mon, Doppochin~” He pats his back, trying to reassure him, and, gods, Hifumi will never learn to control his strength, will he? “Do you really think that I need big luxuries to be happy?”
It's not like that. Doppo wants to say. It's just that Hifumi only deserves the best.
“Sure, I would like us to travel abroad and do a bunch of fun stuff~ We really should go to Paris for your next vacation, Doppochin! They say it's super romantic~” he adds, looking starry-eyed. Hifumi sure dreams big. Doppo feels his wallet cry just by hearing him. “Or moving into a house. One with a big garden for you! I bet that you would have lots of fun tending it, and it would be the prettiest!~”
His chest feels warmer. Even if the things that Hifumi wants could be considered a luxury, he doesn't want them for the glamour. Hifumi just wants them because he'll be there to enjoy them with him.
“That sounds nice.”
“But what I really want is just to grow older by your side.” Hifumi puts his head on Doppo's shoulder, closing his eyes. “That's more than enough for me.”
That makes Doppo's heart skip a beat. It still feels surreal to know how much he means to Hifumi. That he is more than enough to make him happy.
Does Hifumi know how much it means to him to hear that?
Then, Hifumi pinches his cheek. "Although, it would be super nice if you stopped throwing your clothes on the floor. The laundry isn't that far away from your room, y'know~"
“R-Right. I'll have that in mind…”
“And, it would also be super nice if you could start waking up early too~”
“I'll t-try…”
“That's good!”
Doppo wants Hifumi to keep expecting things from him. It fuels him to try his best.
There's no way that Paris won't be expensive, but if they book a flight in advance…
He will definitely meet his expectations.
Doppo has kissed Hifumi before, but it never feels like he's done it right. He always feels clumsy and awkward while doing it. Still, kisses and hugs come easier for him than saying 'I love you'.
On a lazy Sunday afternoon, when they're just cuddling on their couch, by Hifumi's petition, Doppo finds himself completely mesmerized by Hifumi. The warmth he radiates, the way the sunset colors him, how alluring he looks in that v-neck t-shirt, his ravishing smile… Without really thinking about it, he kissed Hifumi's cheek, making him squeak.
Doppo didn't know what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn't that.
“S-Sorry… You don't want that?” he asks, pulling himself away. He wants to die. Doppo wishes with all his heart that, for some magical reason, the ground would just swallow him up.
“No, that's not!” Hifumi replies quickly, sounding as embarrassed as he is. “Don't apologize. It just startled me a little, but I l-liked it…”
Doppo can't help but stare at Hifumi. He looks stunning—he always does. However, Hifumi isn't the type to get embarrassed easily. He’s always beaming, full of confidence, but right now he's blushing profusely as he evades his gaze; even his ears are in a lovely shade of red.
And he's like that because of him.
Something buried deep down inside of him comes undone. The dam that holds his desires is going to burst.
Before he can lose all of his self-control, Doppo buries his head in the crook of Hifumi's neck, which turns out to be the worst course of action, because Hifumi smells so good and he's so warm.
Gods, he loves him so much.
“Doppo?”
His mind gets flooded with desire. He wants to melt into him so he'll never feel his absence, so he will always be so close to him that there won't be a second when he isn't loved. He wants to be gentle. He wants their heartbeats to synchronize. He wants to devour him. He wants the privilege of tasting every millimeter of his body. He wants to drown him in his love, to be all around him, to hold every part of Hifumi and to enrapture him. He wants Hifumi to give himself to him.
He kisses his neck softly but slowly, almost reverently. Hifumi lets out a soft gasp of surprise, but wraps his arms around him, pulling him even closer. Feeling more confident by Hifumi's reaction, Doppo starts to kiss him all the way up until his nose reaches Hifumi's jaw. He pauses and starts to nibble his neck, making his legs twitch a little.
“W-What about my lips?” Hifumi asks, and Doppo raises his head in order to see him. His boyfriend's head is turned to the side, evading his gaze. His face is beet red, an arrow straight to Doppo's heart.
“Are you nervous?” he asks before he can stop himself. Even if it feels awkward and the question is a little insensitive, he wants to know.
It feels unreal to see Hifumi like this because of him. It's way too hard to believe that he can affect him like this.
“I guess…? Not in a bad way, though,” Hifumi says slowly, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. “It's just that you're too handsome, and seeing you like this does things to my heart…” Hearing that does things to Doppo's heart too. “Like, I really hope that you would just kiss me, but I also wonder if I look okay, if you're enjoying this and stuff like that…”
Doppo cups Hifumi's face and makes him look directly at him. His boyfriend doesn't say anything, but his eyes are glimmering so clearly with longing that it would be cruel to think otherwise.
It dawns on Doppo that Hifumi has always looked at him like that. Sometimes more coyly, sometimes more fervently…
He is going to make up for all the times he refused to acknowledge his feelings.
Doppo traces his thumb over Hifumi's lips, and wow, they're as soft as they look. Even if he feels like a hungry animal, he wants to truly savour this.
“You're always beautiful.” And with that, Doppo finally closes their distance.
He wants to get used to this.
Vena amoris.
Supposedly, it's a vein located on the fourth finger of the left hand, that is directly connected to the heart. That's why engagement and wedding rings are worn on the ring finger.
Even if all of that is a lie, a big marketing scheme by the jewelry industry, just this time, he wants to indulge in it.
Hifumi is a hopeless romantic, after all. He loves corny stuff like that.
And, Hifumi is the person closest to his heart.
Doppo takes a deep breath and goes to their living room. The ring box in his pocket seems to weigh like a boulder.
Extra
When his alarm goes off, Doppo is still feeling a little tired. It's way earlier than the time he usually wakes up, but today is a special day, so he gets out of bed immediately.
Hifumi recently quit his part-time job and, even if he doesn't say anything, Doppo knows that he's been feeling down about it, among other things. So Doppo wants to pay him a surprise visit to cheer him up. Besides, some things that can only be properly conveyed in person.
No matter what happens, Doppo wants him to know that he'll always be there for him.
Someday, all of these bad moments will be a far-off memory. Hifumi may have a hard time believing it, but Doppo's sure that soon his days will be filled with so much happiness that these last years will seem like a bad dream. He'll smile a lot, and it may hurt at first because he's no longer used to it, but that pain will go away soon. Hifumi will laugh again, and he'll laugh so hard till his face hurts and tears run down his cheeks. He'll find a job where he'll be happy and comfortable, and he'll go to bed excited about all the things he'll do the next day.
Hifumi will take his life back .
If that hope is too heavy for him right now, then Doppo will hold onto it for him.
He gets dressed as quickly as he can, still making sure that he looks impeccable, or his boss will chew him off. Once he's sure that he looks okay, he puts the DVD of a movie he watched recently in his briefcase.
Hifumi isn't that into movies like him, but this one was so fun and it really touched him, so maybe it will also cheer Hifumi up, even if it's only a little. Besides, a change in his routine may do him some good.
With everything set, Doppo finally leaves his apartment and rushes to the fast-food restaurant near his apartment. They're about to open, and he wants to be their first client of the day.
He wants to get Hifumi's favorite burger, after all.
Even if junk food may not be the healthiest breakfast option, Hifumi deserves to eat something tasty that may bring a smile to his lips and lift his spirits. Besides, this way, he won't have to worry about making himself breakfast.
Even if it will be a brief visit, Doppo hopes that he can brighten Hifumi's day a little.