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Even though there was already plenty of outside buzz and fuss, literally and figuratively, even more was happening in the anxious mind of Bucky Barnes. While he was sitting down in the dark room of his New York apartment, trying to relax after another exhausting day as Captain America, his thoughts were making him very busy. Everything around him was blank. No vision, no sound. Cold was the only thing he could feel.
After coming back, he never assumed that a life where he’s finally fully aware of his actions and identity would be easier. His metallic arm was supposed to be the only thing weighing heavily on him. Reminder of the past he wished he didn’t have. But now the weight is even bigger thanks to the large, round shield that once belonged to Steve Rogers.
Red Skull. Arnim Zola. Grand Director. Zhang Chin. And many others. He still didn’t know what was harder for him to handle - all of the villains, his past life catching up with him, or receiving acceptance in his new role from the general public and other superheroes. In the end, everything went all right, more or less, but the fight wasn’t easy and some things just wouldn’t leave his mind.
Maybe everything ended up being fine for the others, but that still didn’t mean that Bucky could just forget what he saw and how much tension there was around him taking up the shield.
He tried to prove to himself that he can relax and that there was no need to think about everything that happened in the past few weeks for the hundredth time. But it wasn’t that simple. Part of his mind was still dragging him into that dark place where he could only have negative thoughts with no chances for a better tomorrow.
But there was suddenly a light in the dark, both in his mind and in the room he was sitting in.
It took him a few moments before he realized he wasn’t alone anymore. Sure, normally that awareness would be there immediately, but there was a reason why it didn’t happen this time. He knew subconsciously that there was no danger. Slowly, he started to feel warmth on his right shoulder. And the touch. Touch from the hand of another person.
“James…?”
In a split moment, all of the senses came back to him. The shapes of the surrounding room were clear, as well as that opened window and noises coming from the outside. And the vision. He was no more on the battlefield of his worries. His head started to turn slowly towards the person standing next to him. Their eyes met. It was Natalia - it couldn’t be anyone else right now. Bucky saw a change in the look on her face, from worried to very concerned. He assumed that his eyes must have told a lot with all of that anxiety he was still feeling.
“James…”
Natalia slowly sat down on Bucky’s laps, being as careful as possible. Then, she wrapped her arms around him and laid down her head on his right shoulder.
One moment ago, the vision and sound came back to him. But what about that feeling of cold…?
For a moment, there was a panic in his head. Isn’t he too much of a burden for Natalia? Doesn’t she have enough problems without him? What was he thinking when they came back together and started to see each other every day? Wouldn’t she be happier without hi-
Bucky stopped. There was a hand on his head now. Natalia was stroking his hair in a very calm and delicate way. He almost forgot that feeling. In mere seconds, he understood what that gesture meant.
You are safe with me. Don’t be afraid. It’s all right now.
No, it’s not, some deep thoughts tried to crawl out from the darkest corners of his mind. But each movement of Natalia’s hand was burying them back into the pit they tried to resurface from.
She moved away a little bit from the hug and looked into his eyes. And in a moment, he felt her lips on his forehead. And then on the left cheek. Right cheek. A little below that. He stopped to worry about anything else and took a deep breath to embrace the moment. Natalia once again hugged him, taking him as close to her chest as possible.
The cold became the warmth.
The shield wasn’t heavy anymore.
And the metallic arm was there only for touching Natalia with care and love.