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Victor was angry. No, he was furious .
He stared daggers into Eli's deep brown eyes, and Eli did the same. He breathed in and out, trying to calm his racing heart from the sudden intrusion. It wasn't fair, he thought. Eli could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. So why did he have to be stopped? He broke eye contact and grabbed Eli's collar harshly.
Eli's brows knitted together, his hands moved to place on Victor's wrists.
"You bastard. You had to ruin this, didn't you? Couldn't see me do something without you for once." Victor sneered, spite laced in his voice.
Eli grasped Victor's wrists harder. "That's not it, Vic. You can't do this alone, we both know this." You need me. The words were unsaid, but Victor could hear them louder than anything Eli had said. They were there. In the middle of them, making Victor's blood boil. Eli knew what kind of effect he had on him. And it maddened him.
Victor gave a humorless laugh and frowned again. "Don't act like you ever wanted to help me with this. You can't see me succeed. You want me to be your helpless sidekick, don’t you." He stated and then scoffed in distaste. His mouth curled in disgust.
Eli's mouth twitched, his eyes growing increasingly darker like an abyss. Victor resisted the urge to fall into them. Not again. They were manipulative. They made Victor want to drown in them, and figure Eli out just like Eli had figured everything out about Victor. He glanced away and dropped Eli's collar, but Eli's hands were still clasped on his wrists.
He didn't want to see Eli right now, and he told him exactly that. "Just leave me alone, okay? I don't need your fucking help." He tried to break free of Eli's clutch, but Eli only tightened his grip. And Victor hissed involuntarily.
Eli stayed silent and didn't move, his next words coming out in a rush. "Victor, you don't understand. I'm just- What if something goes wrong and you can't-" Victor snatched his hands away roughly, Eli's fingertips leaving marks like big rings around his wrists. Victor stumbled back and Eli looked at Victor's hands before his eyes widened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, Victor. If you would just listen to me-"
"No, no! Stop. I don't want to listen to whatever you have to say. Just stay away from me." Victor fumed, taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart.
"Are you okay?" Eli asked, concerned. Raw worry colored his face, and Victor noticed just how Eli's mask had been wiped away. How Eli's eyes had turned a little soft, how his hands were clenching and unclenching, unsure of everything. Eli Ever was unsure. That was a first. Victor snorted.
"Why would you care, Eli?" He asked. There was tension in the air, tension in the way Eli stood defensively. Eli's eyes wavered a little. He took a step closer to Victor, his hands moved and took Victor's hands in his. He examined them closely, and Victor felt strange. Strange about all of this. Strange about what Eli was doing right now. It was so unlike him, so out of character for him. But this was Eli he was talking about. Eli could do anything to charm anyone and everybody, and no one would question his intentions. Eli, who had everyone wrapped around his fingers. Even Victor.
Eli took a deep breath. "Because, you're my friend, Vic."
Victor stood in amusement for a second and then laughed. "Yeah, a friend who you can't see get ahead of you for once." Eli scowled and then in a rough movement, closed the distance between them and crashed their lips together. It was so sudden, that Victor had to grab Eli's waist in order not to fall down from the force of the other's body against his.
Eli's lips were rough, and his mouth tasted of cheap beer. His hands were tugging at Victor's black shirt to bring him impossibly closer. Victor gravitated towards him like a moth to a bundle of light, consumed by the blindness of all the attention. His hands went to Eli’s hips, tightening his grip. Eli’s hands went to his shoulders, fingertips digging into his collarbones.
When he overcame the shock of it and kissed Eli back, his tongue slid into Eli's already inviting mouth and explored every part of it. Eli made a noise, that Victor knew he would be embarrassed of later. He bit Eli’s lips before pulling back, and breathing heavily. Eli’s eyes were blown wide, horror seeping in them mixed with a raw desire.
They shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be doing this. Eli had a girlfriend, for god ’s sake.
Eli’s hands loosely hung around his neck, and he looked at him with uncertainty. His face went from blushing to pale, like a ghost. “Vic, I’m sorry, I-,”
Victor interrupted him, “No, no. It’s-,” he gulped, not sure what to say, and then added: “Let’s just forget it, yeah?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he stumbled out of the bathroom with the one EpiPen left with him.
Two weeks later
Ever since they kissed that night, almost everything between them had changed. Eli avoided Victor like a plague. Victor did the same in return, not wanting to face what was hung in the air between them. Of course, they had to share occasional words when Angie was around and act like everything was normal between them. Act natural , even though they both found it hard to. Neither of them wanted to bring it up that night, and it should have stayed that way until one day they both got drunk in their apartment.
Angie had just left, and Victor decided that alcohol was just what they both needed in order to get rid of the heavy thread of wool holding them separate. Holding them back from saying any words. He came back to the living room with two cups and a bottle of whiskey that he had grabbed the last time he went to visit his parents.
He set them down, and sat on the left side of the sofa, carefully putting distance between him and Eli. Eli stared at the TV, playing a movie that Angie had put on earlier. He cleared his throat, before saying, "Want some?" He cringed inwardly at the awkwardness. It was like he didn't know how to function anymore. Eli didn't move his eyes away from the screen and nodded.
Victor poured the liquor into the two cups and slid one to Eli. Eli took the cup and sipped a little, his Adam's apple bobbing. Victor's eyes followed the movement, without his permission. And then glanced away, when Eli caught his eyes.
Eli coughed. Victor tensed at the sound. He took a sip out of his cup, wincing as the liquid burnt down his throat.
When the whole bottle was shared equally between them, it was safe to say that they were both pretty drunk. Eli more so than Victor. His next words were slurred but somewhat clear after the hour-long silence broken: "I should break up with Angie." He said. Victor frowned, confused. It was so unlike Eli to say that. And, why did he want to break up with Angie, anyway? Didn't they mutually agree to forget what happened that night? To never bring it up again, to pretend it never happened? He swallowed, choosing to stay mute and letting Eli continue. It felt such a vulnerable moment for both of them. They were drunk, and that meant that the words they exchanged more often than not held some truth to them. Sincerity. A rareness not found in their daily conversations.
Eli continued, quietly. His dropped an octave, soft. "I-I don't know. I cheated on her when I kissed you, Vic." Victor looked at him, Eli doing the same. Victor didn't know what to say. Eli was right, he did. But that meant, Victor could also be blamed.
Victor nodded then, agreement on his tongue. "Yeah, I guess." It was a vague reply, and Eli's eyes narrowed at him.
"What? You don't think I should break up with her?"
"No, you should," Victor said more confidently.
Eli deflated. "Okay." And then, a little more loudly: "Can I kiss you?" Victor froze the cup in his hand stopped in front of his mouth, inches away from touching.
He blinked, his eyes lazily moving over to Eli's once more. No, they shouldn't do that. Not again. Not before Eli breaks up with Angie. Which he knows won't happen, because he will be too drunk to remember they ever had that conversation. That Eli ever promised him that.
However, even if all the reasoning was presented to him, right in front of his eyes, he chose otherwise. He swiftly moved from his seat and kissed Eli. And much more.
Just as he had predicted, Eli was back with Angie with his all too charming persona. Like nothing ever happened. Like they never happened. And perhaps, it broke Victor's heart a little. But he refused to admit that.