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Dean stared at him. Once again, he couldn’t move. For too long, all this had just been that abstract idea, this never-ending hope. The only thing left that had driven him on, after—
Tears filled his eyes. He wanted to go to him, shout at him for leaving like that, but Dean was frozen.
Cas watched him. His tilted head and the stupid coat that seemed to survive everything felt like a pang to Dean’s heart.
He had missed him so much. Cas had never given him the chance—
Breathing became difficult as the entire world started to turn. Dizziness gripped him and Dean tried to hold onto something, anything, but there was nothing around.
Nothing to keep him from falling.
Everything went dark when he crashed to the ground.
*****
Gentle fingers ran through his long strands as dulled murmurs reached his ears. Dean stirred and slowly opened his eyes.
Cas smiled at him, and Dean wanted his dream to never end when the reality hit him like a freight train.
“Cas,” he breathed, still not believing his luck.
“Hello, Dean,” his angel answered, a strange sadness in his eyes. The hand in Dean’s hair vanished, leaving a sudden emptiness in his soul that triggered his memories.
Dean started to shiver uncontrollably. Tears filled his eyes, and he was back. Back in the dungeon, back—
Sobs ripped through him as dark goo entangled Cas, grasping him, taking him from him. Slowly, the angel’s face was absorbed by the darkness, leaving nothing behind but the image of his happy smile that would haunt Dean forever. Cas’ tears burned themselves into his memory, mingling with his own, never to dry.
“I love you.”
Dean shook his head. “No. No. Don’t do it, Cas. Don’t— Please, don’t say it. Please. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me.”
A hand touched his shoulder, and Dean stilled. His breathing accelerated. He needed air, but he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t—
“Talk to him,” someone — Sam? — urged.
The grip of the hand tightened on Dean’s shoulder, the sting allowing him to focus. “What is with him?” Cas asked, more clearly to understand now. “Tell me.”
Sam sighed and Dean noticed the softness in his voice. “He’s grieving, and he’s reliving whatever happened in the dungeon that night.”
“He hasn’t told you about it?” The surrounding air changed abruptly as an aura of Grace filled the room. “Why?”
Clothes rustled as Sam seemed to shrug. “It wasn’t my place to ask. And Dean— You know him. Probably better than I do. He wouldn’t— He kept everything to himself. Whenever I tried to talk to him, he—” His brother sighed.
Cas’ hand returned to Dean’s hair, grounding Dean anew, and finally, his breathing normalised, allowing him to relax.
Cas must have noticed the change. “Dean?”
Opening his eyes, Dean smiled and took in his angel. Cas looked worse for wear, but he was there. Cas was here.
“You’re back,” Dean stated, mesmerised, because it meant so much more. His search was finally over.
A shy smile appeared on Cas’ face, and after months of darkness, the sun started to shine again. “Yes, Dean. I’m back.”
Seconds turned into minutes, during which Dean tried to grasp his new reality. Cas watched him closely, but didn’t even bat an eye. The air filled with tension as neither of them dared making the first move.
Sam groaned in frustration. Mumbling under his breath, he flung his arms in the air and closed the door fiercely behind himself as he left them on their own.
Alone.
They were alone.
Anger surged up inside Dean, mixing with hurt and relief. Forcefully, he gripped Cas’ tie and pulled his angel towards him. “Don’t ever pull off such a stunt again. The one thing you can’t have, my ass. You could have had me years ago, asshole,” he grouched before pressing his lips on Cas’.
Despite his anger, Dean couldn’t bring himself to rush the moment. Gently, he brushed his lips over Cas’, taking him in with all his senses.
His tongue swept over chapped lips when Cas moaned and leaned into him, crowding him on the bed. Hungry and eager, Cas’ tongue pushed against Dean’s lips, begging for entrance, and Dean delivered.
Tears of happiness streamed over his face as Cas’ tongue probed his mouth, pulling Dean closer and closer in his arms. Cas’ hands were everywhere. Moaning, Dean let go, allowing himself to be absorbed by his angel.
After what seemed like eternity, they parted and Dean gasped for air. His lungs filled, but the dizziness stayed behind.
Happily, he grinned at his angel.
“I love you,” Cas stated matter-of-factly, cupping Dean’s face.
Even though Dean already was prepared for it this time, it didn’t take away from its impact. He gasped, gaping at Cas, trying to keep his emotions at bay.
“I do,” Cas confirmed, “and I’m so sorry I didn’t realise—”
“Shuddup,” Dean grumbled, laying his finger on Cas’ lips and stopping him half-sentence. “You’re back. Just … don’t leave.”
Cas nodded.
“Because I fucking love you too, you asshole. And you’re breaking my damn heart every time you die. So, stop it.”
Cas radiated with happiness. “I’ll ‘stop dying’ if you do the same.”
Dean shrugged. “Deal.”
“Deal,” Cas echoed, diving in to seal it with a kiss.