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"What was between us wasn't a fragile thing to be coddled, cooed
over. It came out fully formed, ready to run."
- "What I didn't know before" by Ada Limón
Rui’s world seemed to be spinning faster and faster each day. It felt like just yesterday they were putting on that grand show to revive the amusement park, and now they were Third Years. Third Years…
Rui had seen the student lists posted outside the school and immediately noticed Tsukasa’s placement. He decided to keep quiet about it just to witness Tsukasa’s reaction on the first day of classes. And what a spectacular reaction it was. The blond boy had screamed loud enough to alert the entire classroom, though Rui tried to appear nonchalant as he turned to face Tsukasa’s pale expression, “It seems I’ll be in your care, Tsukasa,” he smiled. Tsukasa looked close to fainting.
Once the shock wore off, things went back to normal. The only thing that was different was that Rui could observe the drastic difference between him and Tsukasa: Tsukasa attracted people to him when he wasn’t approaching them in the first place. He was no longer Class Representative, but he always rose his hand to offer his help for tasks or assignments that needed to be done. As a result, Tsukasa was always surrounded by classmates and friends. They sat on opposite sides of the room and Rui couldn’t help but feel the distance.
Sometimes there would be classmates who approached Rui to ask him what he was working on. But it seemed the moment Rui grew excited in his explanations, the other person would pull away from the conversation. He had gotten used to such reactions that they no longer bothered him. Rui would work on brainstorming for their shows alone at his desk, not noticing a set of familiar amber eyes gazing towards him.
The only thing Rui dreaded were group projects. It was always awkward to find partners when everyone already seemed to have a friend group. Usually he would be the odd one out and the teacher squeezed him into one of the decided groups. If he could work on projects on his own, he would.
So when their teacher announced a group project so early into the school year, Rui’s face grew pale. He already saw classmates whispering to each other with excited smiles on their faces, while Rui felt sick to his stomach.
“Alright, you may combine desks with your partners for the project and begin brainstorming ideas for the assignment,” the teacher announced.
The squeaking of chair and desks filled the room as people began shuffling around to meet with their friends. Rui kept his head down and fiddled with an eraser in his hands. He was already prepared to wait until the end when he would inevitably have to go up to the teacher and—
Thump!
Rui’s head snapped up. A desk was placed directly across from him. Who…
“Tsukasa?”
Tsukasa met Rui’s large and confused eyes and smiled before putting his hands on his hips, “I’m going to be your partner, you got a problem with that?” Rui slowly shook his head, “No, but, why?”
“Because I want to. We’re friends, aren’t we?” Tsukasa responded like it was obvious.
Oh, that’s right. He wasn’t alone anymore. He had found friends who shared in his dreams and his passions, and enjoyed his company.
“Why are you grinning like that? Are you planning something?” Tsukasa asked with his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Rui shrugged, “Maybe.”
A few classmates whispered to each other. Some were disappointed because they wanted to be in Tsukasa’s group. One boy came over and placed his desk horizontally against Tsukasa and Rui’s. “Can I join you guys?” He asked. Rui didn’t fail to notice how the classmate wasn’t looking at him.
“Sure,” Tsukasa beamed, “we were just waiting for one more.”
They were going to present posters that would introduce someone else in their group, as a way for everyone to get to know each other better. As they were brainstorming ideas, Rui couldn’t help but make a suggestion, “Instead of doing everything on poster boards, how about we do something like this…” He drew a rough sketch of what he had in mind and Tsukasa’s eyes glittered in interest.
“No way,” the other classmate interrupted, “that looks like way too much work. We don’t want to go through all that for such a short presentation, right Tsukasa?”
Rui’s smile fell and he put down his pencil in defeat.
“I think it’s a great idea.”
Rui looked up in surprise and seemed equally baffled as the other student. “You can’t be serious,” their classmate gave Tsukasa a bewildered look.
“There’s no point in starting something if you don’t put 12000% of your effort into it!” Tsukasa declared with a proud grin. Rui pressed his lips together to hide his smile. Their classmate glanced between the two of them before groaning and sitting back, surely regretting his decision in joining the group.
“Tsukasa, let’s eat lunch together!”
Rui looked to the side and saw three girls crowding around Tsukasa’s table while holding their adorably wrapped bento boxes. Rui had put his own bag on his lap when he noticed Tsukasa shooting up from his chair and flashing his classmates an apologetic smile, “Sorry, I’m going to eat with Rui today, see ya!” He grabbed his bag and hurried over to haul a frazzled Rui to his feet.
“Let’s go, Rui!” Tsukasa smiled and Rui felt his heart jump in his chest. He clutched his bag against his chest as he followed Tsukasa down the hall. “I was actually planning on eating in the classroom,” Rui confessed. Tsukasa glanced back at him, “We’re going to the roof. We need to discuss our next show, and I don’t want anyone else to hear about it.” It felt like they were sharing in a secret. Rui’s cheeks were warm and he turned his wrist so he could hold Tsukasa’s hand properly as they walked, wondering if the other could feel his heart beat under his skin.
The rooftop used to be a place of hurt for Rui. It served as a cage where he looked out at the people below who seemed so much freer than him. People who had friends who understood and accepted them. It had filled Rui with so much envy it was painful. So he tried to deal with it by believing he didn’t need anyone else. That he would be satisfied as long as he could put on the shows that he enjoyed. But his loneliness taunted and teased him like a relentless ghost.
Briefly, there had been someone else who joined him in the cage. They also seemed troubled and haunted by their own demons, but Rui never felt a closeness with anyone to try and pry into matters that didn’t concern him. Plus, it seemed like if he ever touched a sensitive nerve, his lonely companion might shatter completely.
But after meeting Tsukasa…After putting on shows with his troupe and making so many painful and happy memories…Rui no longer feared stepping foot in the same place that harbored so much past hurt.
Rui knew the reason for the peace he felt. It was standing in front of him and waving for Rui to join him for lunch. As he was learning to do more and more, Rui stepped into the sunlight.
After their experience in Mr. Riley’s amusement park, Tsukasa knew he had to double down on his English studies. However, it was proving to be more difficult than he expected, which was why he turned to Rui for help. After all, the boy had outshone him with his skills back then and Tsukasa was determined to make things even by the time they made their debut worldwide.
They were back on the rooftop and Rui had just finished his lunch when Tsukasa shoved an open English textbook in his face.
“Help me,” Tsukasa begged.
Rui raised his eyebrows and grinned, “Oh? This is unexpected,” he noted.
“I had no other choice,” Tsukasa grumbled with a pout, “if you really don’t want to I’ll just find someone—”
“I’d love to.”
Tsukasa smiled triumphantly and scooted closer to Rui to show him the phrases he was having the most trouble with in their lesson. The blond boy quickly realized how good of a teacher Rui was—he explained things in a way that was simple to understand, and he would often pause to make sure that Tsukasa was still understanding the lesson before proceeding further. Tsukasa’s mind wandered to a future where he imagined Rui becoming a teacher. He had a feeling the boy would feel at home being a science teacher, since he could experiment with things and cause chaos on purpose. Also, Rui in a lab suit…
“Have I lost you?”
Tsukasa blinked and realized that Rui was staring at him with an amused grin. He flushed and quickly looked away while clearing his throat, “N-No! I was just…Thinking about how impractical this all is,” he pointed to a line in the book and translated it to Japanese, “’Johnny’s dad went to work and his mother went to the grocery store.’ When am I ever going to use phrases like that?!”
Rui chuckled even though Tsukasa didn’t think he said anything funny.
“Shall I teach you a more useful phrase, then?” Rui offered. Tsukasa gazed up at him and sucked in a breath when he noticed Rui leaning closer to him. The purple haired boy’s breath ghosted against Tsukasa’s ear as he whispered, “I adore you.”
Despite having no idea what Rui just said, Tsukasa’s body felt warm even though they were sitting in the shadows. “What…What does that mean?” His own voice came out quieter than he expected. They held each other’s gaze for what felt like ages, but before Tsukasa could lose himself completely in Rui’s honey colored eyes, the other pulled back flashed a wink (which definitely didn’t make Tsukasa’s heart skip a beat), “That’s for you to figure out on your own. Consider it your homework.”
Tsukasa nearly hit him, since the last thing he needed was more work.
When exam times neared, the school atmosphere changed dramatically: everyone became like zombies, operating on auto-pilot fueled by nothing but coffee or energy drinks. Eyebags were the common feature and the environment that had been so boisterous and lively just a few months ago suddenly fell deadly quiet.
Rui had his own share of studies to worry about, but he still wanted to help bring a smile to the faces of his schoolmates. Or at least a bit of light into the dull gazes he would see from those he passed by. So he arrived before school hours, jumped the gate while avoiding the patrol guard, and sneaked his way to the rooftop with a backpack full of decorative balloons. Rui spent the entire morning blowing up the balloons with a pump and tying them down in secluded spot where the teachers below couldn’t spot them. By the time he had blown up the final balloon, the majority of the students were beginning to walk through the school gates.
Tsukasa was standing by the gate and inspecting uniforms and bags as they came by. Rui smiled as he gazed at him from the roof. “Alright, here goes,” he whispered to himself and then went over to the dozens of balloons he had tied down with a rock to bring them closer to the railing. He got out a speaker and connected it with his phone, choosing an upbeat and lively song that blasted from the roof and filled the air that was silent just a second ago. Heads looked up in curiosity when music began playing from an unknown source and even Tsukasa paused in his duties to look around in confusion.
Then, the sky was filled with color.
Rui released the balloons and smiled as he watched them all fly up, surprising some birds who nearly knocked into some in their flight. Students below gasped in surprise and many turned to their friends with excited grins. But Rui was far from finished. He got out a bubble machine he had built for one of their shows in the past and fired it up. The machine whirled to life and spit out waves of large bubbles that floated out into the sky and some drifted down to the students below. Everyone was filled with a childlike wonder, popping the balloons with their fingers and some laughing when a bubble popped in their friend’s face.
Rui’s eyes drifted to Tsukasa and he noticed the boy practically storming past the crowd while red in the face. Uh oh.
It took Tsukasa a mere minute to burst through the door of the rooftop, “Are you out of your mind, Rui?!” He screeched. Rui was about to apologize but Tsukasa gave him no chance as he was already pressed up against him with a wild and panicked look, “I am going to get into SO much trouble for this! Oh my God—they might even strip me of my role—oh God,” he looked ready to explode but Rui stopped him by placing his hands on Tsukasa’s shoulders, “Tsukasa, it’s going to be fine—look.” He pointed over the railing and Tsukasa peeked down. A teacher had just arrived through the gates and seemed shocked at the sight, but then a warm smile washed over her features.
“I think everyone needed a distraction. The exam was putting pressure on students and teachers as well,” Rui stated as he gazed down at the crowd of excited faces, “I just wanted to bring light back into our classmates’ eyes, even if it was for a little while.”
“You…” Tsukasa gazed at Rui with an expression of disbelief before he finally sighed in resignation, “You really are unbelievable sometimes.”
“That’s only because I have someone who supports me,” Rui stated, his gaze softening, “thank you, Tsukasa. For allowing me to do what I love and helping me to realize my dream.”
Tsukasa blushed and turned his gaze to the balloons that fluttered up towards the cotton candy clouds. “I…Have a surprise for you too,” he mumbled.
“Oh?” Rui’s eyes glittered in interest towards the change of events.
“Close your eyes,” Tsukasa instructed him. Rui did as he was told and felt something thin wrapping around his wrist. When he was given permission, he opened his eyes and saw the yellow balloon tied to his wrist. Rui looked at Tsukasa and saw the boy give a meek smile while holding up his own wrist that had a purple balloon tied to it.
“Tsu—”
“I wish to thank you as well,” Tsukasa spoke first, “for supporting me in my dream of becoming a star. It’s only because of you that I’m able to do my best with everything I’ve got, so that we can put on the shows that I…That we love.”
For once, Rui was unable to think of a clever response. He could only gaze at Tsukasa with wide eyes as the boy stepped closer. Their balloons bumped against each other.
“I adore you.”
Rui’s heart lodged in his throat. Tsukasa smiled warmly, “I know what it means now.”
Rui had believed that hearing the roar of applause and seeing rows of happy faces was what brought him the greatest happiness. But this moment rivaled all of that.
He wrapped his arms around Tsukasa and hugged him close, ready to act on his heart’s desire until Tsukasa stopped him with his hands over Rui’s mouth.
“People will see us!” Tsukasa hissed with a beet red face.
Oh, that was the reason.
Rui couldn’t stop smiling as he leaned closer to press their foreheads together, “I don’t think that will be a problem.” Just as Tsukasa opened his mouth to ask what Rui meant, there was the sound of something exploding in a classroom down the block. From the windows there was a massive swirl of confetti and flower petals. After getting over the initial shock, the students below began making their way towards the classroom in excited curiosity.
“You exploded another classroom?!” Tsukasa exclaimed and nearly popped Rui’s eardrums from being so close. But he couldn’t stop laughing and leaned forward to kiss Tsukasa and silence further scolding. The star hit Rui on the shoulder before wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him down further. Their kisses were laced with laughter and Rui felt all the pain he had bore in the past was worth it for the chance to meet the love he was holding in his arms.