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After a month of quarantine, you were sure of one thing. Covid sucked.
This was for many different reasons. People were dying because of it, people were losing their jobs because of it, and people were having to distance themselves from each other because of it.
You were especially struggling with the last part. This was because of the people around you. One person in particular.
Your boyfriend, Kiku, was taking social distancing very seriously. He didn't even come near you anymore, even though you lived together and he knew you didn't leave the house.
This was a bit of a problem for you, as you were severely touch starved. Kiku wasn't very comfortable with physical affection. He valued his personal space very much and did not like when someone invaded it. However, since the two of you had been together for so long, he was a bit more comfortable with you, and at least able to show you small bits of affection such as holding your hand, but left the larger forms of physical affection like hugs to your friends and family. Especially your older brother, Antonio, who was pretty protective of you, and never wanted to see you sad or hurting.
Since you normally saw your friends and family often, you didn’t mind Kiku's lack of physical affection. You understood and respected the fact that he wasn't comfortable with that kind of stuff, and just enjoyed his presence. However, quarantine was messing you up.
Due to social distancing, you had lost your main sources of physical affection overnight, and Kiku was also taking social distancing way too far at home.
Though the two of you lived in the same house, you never even saw Kiku anymore. He refused to even be in the same room as you sometimes. You understood that he wanted to stay safe, but the lengths he’s taking are starting to become too much.
You thought he'd relax after a few weeks, but it’s been a month, and you still had pretty much no contact with your boyfriend since all of this started, and he'd told you that he wanted to maintain social distancing. You had been ok at first, but now it was really starting to get to you.
You started to wonder if maybe this was just an excuse so he wouldn't have to be around you. Maybe you were annoying him.
You were thinking about this as you finished a snack in the kitchen. You cleaned everything up, hurriedly putting the last thing away and quietly slipping out of the room, hearing footsteps.
You didn't even look back this time as you entered your room and quickly closed the door. You were used to this by now.
You curled up on your bed and grabbed your phone, smiling at your home-screen wallpaper, which was a picture of you, Antonio, Lovino, and Feliciano all together. One of the few times you'd actually managed to get Lovi to smile.
You bit your lip as you searched for your brother's contact, wanting to call him as you'd been doing every other day now for the past few weeks to stay in touch. You found the number and hit "call,” listening to the dull ringing while you waited for your brother to pick up.
"Hola hermanita,” Your brother happily greeted you.
"Hola Antonio,” You answer, your lonely expression brightening slightly at your brother's voice.
"Te extraño N/N. How are you doing?” Antonio questions.
You hated that question. You knew Antonio was just worried about you, but you hated it when he asked you that question because you then had to figure out how to answer it."I'm fine. How are you?” You question, your eyes wandering around your room.
You'd switched rooms at the beginning of the month, sleeping somewhere else to maintain social distancing, so your new room was still a bit strange to you. You had put up drawings, pictures, and posters on the walls. You'd also gotten some of your old pillows and blankets from the closet that you used to have in your room at your old house.
Your room was actually one of the projects that kept you busy. Finding and making things to put in your room helped pass the time, and could actually be pretty fun. However, you were starting to run out of ideas and would have to find something else to do soon.
"Y/N," Antonio scolds gently, bringing you out of your thoughts.
"What?" You question, resting your head on a large F/C fluffy pillow on your bed as you speak.
"I can tell something's wrong. Diga la verdad," Antonio pushes, causing you to sigh and roll over.
"How did you know?” You question, slight annoyance in your tone.
"Because I know you, Hermanita. Now what's wrong?”
You thought for a moment, staring at the phone. You wanted to talk to your brother, but you didn't want him to worry. However, he was already worried so there was no point in trying to avoid it.
"He hasn't spoken to me in weeks Toni,” You say softly.
"What?"
Your brother sounds even more worried and confused. You swallow before going on.
"Kiku. He hasn't said anything to me in weeks,” You explain sadly.
Something creaked outside your door, but you ignored it. It was probably Pochi, and you didn't want to let the little dog in just now.
"Por que? Did you two have a fight?” Your brother questions.
"No. He won't even be in the same room as me anymore because of Covid,” You answer, tears filling your eyes.
"Still? Cariño you said he would stop soon,” Antonio says in confusion.
"I know. I thought he would, but it's been a little over a month now, and he still won't even be in the same room as me, let alone touch or talk to me,” You tell him, feeling a tear slide down your cheek.
"I don't know what to do Antonio. I don't like it. I don't like being alone,” You say, feeling more tears fall.
"Oh I'm so so sorry Cariño. This isn't ok,” Your brother says, his voice filled with concern.
"I just feel like he doesn't want me around anymore. What if I did something wrong?” You ask, wondering what you could have done.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Cariño. You've been telling me everything for weeks now, and nothing has sounded bad. This isn't your fault,” Antonio gently reassures you.
"Thank you Toni, but then maybe he just doesn't want me around anymore. He hasn't even tried to find a way to communicate with me."
"Then it's not worth it to stay there. Come home Hermana. You don't deserve to feel like this,” Antonio tells you.
The thought of being with your brother was nice. You wouldn't have to leave a room everytime you heard someone coming, eat your food in your room when you knew someone else was in the kitchen, or constantly clean off any surface that you'd used outside of your own room. You could be with a person again, and actually talk to someone who was right in front of you.
The idea made you smile again, but what about Kiku? You loved him. It felt wrong to just leave him, but you didn't seem to be needed or wanted here anymore.
This was a tough choice. You weren't sure what to say.
"I don't know Toni. It feels wrong to just leave,” You say sadly.
"But you're hurting N/N. That's not right. You should leave a place if you're not happy there," Antonio tells you seriously.
"I suppose I'm not needed here anyway,” You muse aloud, staring across your room at some drawings on the wall.
"Si. Come home Hermana. Por favor? I miss you,” Your brother coaxes.
"I'll think about it ok?” You say finally.
"Alright N/N.”
"Te quiero,” You tell him.
"Yo también te quiero," Antomio answers, and you can hear the smile in his voice.
You hung up the phone and sighed softly. You hugged the fluffy pillow to your chest and closed your eyes.
"Decisions decisions,” You muttur aloud before rolling over, deciding to take a nap and think about everything later.
You rolled over, still holding the pillow in your arms. You curled up, and fell asleep.
Outside your door, a figure leaned against the wall and closed his dark eyes. He felt guilt twist his insides as he remembered what you'd told your brother.
You thought he didn't want you around anymore? You thought you did something wrong? He made you cry? No.
He hadn't intended for this to go on as long as it did, and mainly did it because he thought it would make you feel more safe. He was wrong.
All it did was hurt you. He'd made you believe he hated you, and now you might actually leave him.
He didn't want to lose you. He couldn't lose you. He loved you, even if it was difficult for him to express.
You made him feel comfortable. You didn't push him into anything you knew he really didn't want to do. You always listened to him, or talked to him when you knew he felt more like listening. You understood and respected his boundaries.
You were just an overall amazing person. You were kind, open, smart, creative, and really funny. He never wanted to lose you, so how could he make this right?
He thought for a minute, staring at the opposite wall. Finally, he realized what could fix this. After all, he had grown more comfortable with you in the past few months, and only hadn't done it because he wasn't sure how to begin, but he'd have to figure it out now.
He opened your door and slipped into the room. He saw you asleep on the bed, hugging a big F/C pillow in your arms.
Kiku was happy to see you again. He'd missed seeing your face these past few weeks. For a moment, he stood and looked at you, remembering again exactly just how beautiful you were.
He stepped toward the bed, climbing up beside you. He gently pulled the pillow from your arms and set it aside. He took a breath before slipping between your arms in the place of the pillow you'd been holding.
His face flushed as he tentatively wrapped his arms around you. Your arms gently slid around his waist, your hold secure and protective, but not too tight. He looked up at your face to see if you were awake, seeing that you were in fact still sleeping.
Kiku's blush deepened, and he shyly pressed his face into your neck and closed his eyes. He actually liked this. It wasn't too tight, and he knew he could move if he wanted to, though he didn't think he would any time soon.
He felt you shift slightly, and knew you were waking up. One of your hands moved slightly as it rested against his back while you tried to figure out what was going on. Kiku felt your head move, and knew you'd probably figured it out by how your hold loosened slightly.
Before you could speak, Kiku tightened his arms around you a little, not letting go. Hesitantly, your arms wrapped around him again, not sure what had caused him to do this, but very happy all the same.
"Prease don't reave,” He murmured, and you realized what was wrong.
One of your hands gently rubbed his back, making small circles. He relaxed a bit more in your hold and you smiled softly.
"I won't, but are you ok? I know you don't like this kind of stuff.”
"I'm more comfortabre with it now. At reast with you,” Kiku states.
"Ok. Tell me if I do anything wrong,” You tell him, closing your eyes again.
"Ok," Kiku answers, a slight smile curving his lips.
He was very happy to have you, and that you respected his boundaries, but now he realized he had to support you, just as you supported him. Besides, if it was you, he was ok with getting a little closer.