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By all accounts it was a regular Tuesday. Koushi fully intended to report it as a good day when Daichi got home late and asked. None of his usual troublemakers were up to their tricks today. No one got hurt during recess. He was pretty sure the kids were for the most part actually understanding the basic math. His favorite student had drawn him a picture of a penguin, it was going on the fridge as soon as he got home, tucked in a place of honor in his bag. They were halfway through some silent reading time when the office secretary arrived opening the door, all the kids’ heads whipping up.
“Sugawara-sensei,” she said, “You have a phone call in the office, I’ll keep an eye while you take it.”
That was unusual. Not unheard of though, Koushi suppressing the grin on his face, sometimes Daichi called him at work to tell him he was thinking about him. Though usually it was on his days off, not when they were both at work, though not always. Koushi bounced down the hall to the office, wondering if Daichi might dirty talk him over the phone, maybe he could take it in one of the attendance offices. The other lady at the front desk waved to him when she saw him, she was in love with the cookies that Daichi made, whenever he brought them to school Koushi brought her a stash of her own.
“Firehouse?” he asked trying not to sound giddy.
“I think so,” she agreed, “It’s on line three.”
“Can I take it in the office?”
“Go ahead.”
Koushi shut the door behind him and resisted the urge to shut the blinds, he was at school after all and even if Daichi dirty talked him it wasn’t like… No, he was going to stop thinking about it. Daichi probably just wanted him to pick some stuff up at the grocery store after work, or maybe he was getting off early and had thoughts about making dinner.
He picked up the call, leaning back against the desk.
“Well, well, well, honorable Sawamura-san, how can I assist you?” he couldn’t help but answer in his sultriest tones. There was a throat clear on the other end and before Koushi could make a remark about Daichi breathing down the phone, there was a voice on the other end that was decidedly not Daichi. Koushi’s stomach dropped for a second.
“Sorry? What?”
“Sugawara-san, sorry, this Ueno,” the hesitant voice replied on the other end. It didn’t sound like bold, cock-sure Ueno. Koushi couldn’t think. “Sugawara-san?”
“Is Daichi okay?” Koushi’s voice came out rough.
“They’ve taken him to the hospital, he’s in the ICU right now. I thought you ought to know, I know, I know you are Daichi are… are roommates.”
Koushi couldn’t breathe.
“He’s going to be okay though, right? It’s just. Just something dumb, right?”
“Sugawara…”
Koushi called a cab. He didn’t even go back to his room for his bag or his coat. The office lady got an explanation in as few words as possible. “I have to go,” he told her, “Daichi’s in the hospital.”
Daichi’s sister Mariko arrived before the hour was up, looking harried and like she had fallen out of bed after taking Koushi’s call and now she was here, her dark hair wild, a coat thrown on over her pajamas. She’d met Koushi with a hug, before they let her through without argument, Koushi’s rubbery knees depositing him back in the chair in the waiting room.
“He looks like hell,” Mariko reported later over the phone, “Suga, he looks awful,” her voice was shaking.
“He’s gonna be okay though right? He has to be,” Koushi’s voice was hoarse. Daichi had to be okay. Koushi didn’t know what he’d do if he wasn’t.
“I think so, he’s really high on pain meds right now. Jesus,” she whispered, “He keeps asking for you.”
Koushi’s eyes burned, burying his head between his knees trying to keep breathing.
“Fuck,” he whispered, “You’ve told him I’m here though, right?”
“He’s really high, doesn’t understand,” Mariko said, “I tried talking to the nurse, but they won’t have it.”
“Can you… can you facetime me? So he can see me, so I…” Koushi’s voice cracked and he sucked in a breath. “So I can see him? Please?”
“Yeah, let me go back in.”
The new request came in and Koushi accepted it, to reveal a pixelated image of Mariko, and a shape behind her that could only be Daichi, Koushi’s stomach dropping. He could make out the bandages, the black eye, the oxygen tubes to his nose.
“Hey Daichi, here he is,” Mariko said, the image getting closer as she joined him at the bedside. Daichi came more into focus, he’d taken a fall when his knee gave out, smoke inhalation, minor burns.
“Where?” Daichi slurred back, voice heavy and hardly his own, the phone screen threatened to blur before Koushi’s eyes.
“Hey Dai, I’m right here, Mariko’s facetiming me.”
“Koushi?” Daichi’s voice wobbled.
“I’m right here, can you see me? Daichi?”
“Where’s Koushi?” he asked Mariko.
“Right here, can you hear his voice?”
“Where?” Daichi’s eyes slid shut and he let out a low groan. “Why isn’t he here?”
“Daichi, I’m here,” Koushi croaked, tears burning, escaping one after another down his cheeks.
“He’s on the phone, Dai,” Mariko said patiently, Koushi sniffing hard, eyes squeezed shut.
“Should be here,” Daichi’s mumble, “Where’s he at?”
“Suga, I’m sorry, we can try again later,” Mariko was saying, Koushi trying to pull himself back together, to agree, to say anything that wasn’t just a raw sob.
--
He looked better, color better at least, oxygen tubes removed, the black eye more horrific, head lolled back on the pillow Mariko thought they’d let him go tomorrow. Even still seeing him through the phone in that condition made Koushi feel sick, he wanted to be there beside Daichi, to lace their fingers together. Daichi’s mom and dad had come by, Daichi’s mom hugging him tightly. He’d sent a yakisoba bun with them, tied up with a note. He’d been sleeping, Daichi’s mom said when they’d come back out, gently patting Koushi’s head, they’d left the bun at his table.
“Daichi say hi,” Mariko’s voice sang, Koushi willing his heart to steady, Daichi lifted his head blinking sleepily at the phone.
“Is that…?” he mumbled, Koushi clenching the phone tighter.
“Hey big guy, how do you feel?” Koushi’s voice only came out a little wobbly, the image shifting as Daichi took the phone and suddenly he was very close and Koushi could see the bruise on his cheek bone, his chapped lips.
“Koushi,” Daichi breathed out.
“You’re okay right? Your knee’s okay right? They wouldn’t tell me anything, they wouldn’t let me in,” Koushi’s voice cracked, Daichi blurring at the edges.
“I’m fine, I swear, I’m alright,” Daichi told him, “Everything hurts but that’s to be expected right? That’s such bullshit.”
“I told them we were married but, but…” Koushi tried to rein the tears back in, choking them down.
“It’s okay, they’re letting me out tomorrow, I can see you tomorrow. Please tell me you’re not sitting down in the waiting room.”
“Do you have a window, if I go outside could you see me?”
“I can’t get out of bed,” Daichi answered slow.
“Oh,” Koushi’s heart sank again, Daichi looked miserable on the other end, “I wish…” he started unsure how to put it into words.
“Me too,” Daichi agreed, “I wish you were up here too.”
“You were so high the other night you didn’t recognize the concept of facetime.”
Daichi chuckled uneasily.
“You’ve gone home right? You haven’t been sitting there the whole time have you?”
“I told them if they wanted me to leave they were going to have to drag me out on a stretcher,” Koushi reported, “And then I started bawling and I think they felt bad for me so they haven’t asked me to leave since.”
“Koushi,” Daichi sounded pained, Koushi searching his face on the tiny screen of his phone.
“I love you, Daichi. I just, I love you. You heal up and you fucking come home and I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
--
Mariko was pushing the wheel chair, she was wearing her scrubs and nearly blended in with the other nurses, except she was bent forward, Daichi’s neck craning back to look at her and she was talking. Koushi had been picturing himself throwing himself bodily onto Daichi when they released him, but seeing him in the wheelchair looking so small knocked all the air out of his lungs, staggering to his feet he met them half way, wanting to wrap Daichi up in his arms and never let him go but equally afraid of hurting him further.
“Koushi!” Daichi decided for him, opening his arms and Koushi dropping into them folding Daichi in close and carefully pressing his face to his shoulder as the tears leaked out, Daichi stroked his hair.
“I’m okay, don’t cry, Kou, I’m alright.”
“I was so scared.”
“It’s okay now.” Daichi kissed the side of his head and Koushi lifted his face up from Daichi’s shoulder so he could pull him into a gentle kiss.
Koushi’s legs felt weak. Daichi’s mother had brought her car to get Daichi home, they’d sent him off with crutches and prescriptions and follow up visits, surgery, physical therapy. Koushi had done his best to pay attention, he took notes as the doctor consulted him and Mariko, Daichi rapidly wilting beside them, head resting against Koushi’s hip. The ride home had been noisy, Daichi’s mom driving the conversation with forced cheer, she was going to bring them dinner, freezer portions, she’d come and stay with Daichi while Koushi was at school. Mariko kept shooting Koushi looks where she rolled her eyes but vibrantly agreed with all her mother’s schemes to help, throwing in her own two cents. Daichi was asleep on Koushi’s shoulder and Koushi couldn’t muster the strength to match Daichi’s mom’s energy. In a whirlwind they were up the front walk, stepping into Tuesday’s house just as they’d left it. Some other lifetime ago. Breakfast dishes still sitting in the sink. The house felt empty without their big dog, Momo. Koushi’s brother had picked her up and wasn’t bringing her back until tomorrow. It was probably better she wasn’t here to overwhelm them further but Koushi found himself missing her anyway. Koushi was so tired, helping Daichi in, untying his shoes. His mother fluttered around tidying up and Mariko helped get Daichi to bed.
“Clean clothes, Dai?” she asked when they’d sat him down and Daichi rolled his eyes at her.
“You can turn off nurse-mode now, I’m fine Mariko, I swear.”
“If you need anything just ask,” Mariko told him. His mom appeared with two cups of tea, and a smothering hug and just like that the Sawamura women had whirlwinded out and their home was achingly silent. Koushi let out a breath.
“Koushi,” Daichi started his voice quiet. Koushi wasn’t sure if this was the moment he had dreaded, wasn’t sure what Daichi was going to say, exhaustion hitting him like a freight train. “You should take a shower. Relax.”
“I’m fine,” Koushi blustered as he set to fluffing the pillows for Daichi to sink back against instead, rolling up a blanket to prop up his knee. “Can I get you more tea? Something to eat? Let me get you a glass of water. When do you need to take the pain meds again? I left the sheet the doctor gave me, somewhere. Fuck, where did I set it down…”
Before Koushi could dart back to the kitchen where he’d dropped the bag and presumably the paper, Daichi’s hand caught on his untucked shirt.
“Koushi,” his voice was still rough, it cracked open Koushi’s chest each time to hear it, instinctively blinking back tears, Daichi needed him to be the strong one right now. “I’m okay,” he rasped out not releasing Koushi, “Could-“ his lips wobbled, eyes desperate in a way that brought Koushi’s hand to his, Daichi took his hand squeezing it hard enough to hurt, “Could you lie down,” Daichi forced it out, “with me. Just. Just for a minute.” Koushi bobbed his head in agreement, not trusting his words to bring on more tears. He had to be the strong one. He needed to. Daichi was depending on him. The tears slipped out anyway, two racing down his cheeks, brushing them off against his shoulder as he clambered into bed, trying to be graceful, to not jar Daichi on the mattress. No sooner had he gotten in Daichi had shuffled closer, and Koushi realized what he was asking for, opening his arms to welcome Daichi in. Daichi tucked close in burying his face in the crook of Koushi’s neck and Koushi wrapped him up close, trying to smother the sniff of emotion, the bite of more moisture in his eyes.
Damn him and his waterworks. Daichi had once told him there was nothing that wouldn’t, in the right context, make Koushi cry. A stupid commercial with an animated hot dog? Inconsolable. The kids next door playing tag? Streaming tears and snotty nose. Daichi making instant ramen? Absolute blubbering.
Daichi let out a sigh once he’d gotten comfortable, Koushi soaking in the warmth and presence of him. He’d never stop reveling in the way they fit together. How his arms were meant to wrap around Daichi’s shoulders. How the spot where his neck met his shoulder was a perfect place for Daichi to tuck his nose. His breath fanning over Koushi’s skin like a benediction. A perfect blessing. Koushi soaked in this moment, home and safe, the weight and solidity of Daichi against him, the way in a moment their breaths had synced a slow and steady in and out. Breathing in tandem. The way how when Koushi’s shut his eyes he could feel Daichi’s heart fluttering against his own. Alive. Breathing.
“Koushi,” Daichi said sometime later, Koushi had dozed off, lifting back to wakefulness slowly.
“Hmm?” he answered a moment before the worry hit him, that Daichi needed something, that he was in pain, hungry, thirsty. “Daichi?” he barely stopped himself from lurching upright. Daichi’s finger was slowly tracing a shape against Koushi’s chest.
“Sorry,” Daichi mumbled.
“It’s fine, I was only half asleep,” Koushi lied with a forced huff of a laugh. Daichi’s finger stopped.
“Sorry. For all of it,” Daichi said quietly, “It was bad enough being stuck alone in the ward, I can’t believe you just stayed.”
“I wouldn’t leave you,” Koushi bit back, fingers balled in the fabric of Daichi’s sweatshirt. “I won’t ever leave you. Don’t ask me to,” his voice cracked, the fissure opening back up in his chest and threatening to swallow him whole. The moment Ueno had said Daichi was in the ER. The cab ride where all Koushi could think of was the one funeral he and Daichi had gone to, for a fireman Daichi hadn’t even worked with, in the other firehouse across town. The widow all in black. Had he told Daichi he loved him that morning? The what if’s swirling into a vortex powerful enough to drown. “Don’t ask me to.”
Daichi shook his head, with a raspy sniff.
“Won’t,” he grunted, the word muffled against Koushi’s neck, but the heat of his tears quickly soaking into Koushi’s shirt. “I’m not going back. Even. Even if they clear me. The surgery. I won’t. Won’t put you through it anymore. Koushi, I love you.”
“I love you back,” Koushi answered him with a gentle squeeze. “You’re…” he hated to say it, he hated himself for even starting. “You’re sure?”
“Sure,” Daichi answered him without hesitation. “I had time to think.”
“Dangerous,” Koushi whispered and Daichi barked out a weak laugh, poking Koushi in the ribs. Slowly he rolled himself onto his side so that Koushi could see his face, eyes red-rimmed and swollen. Koushi felt his eyes sting again and Daichi poked him in the ribs again.
“I love helping people,” he said quietly, “Always have. I wouldn’t take it back. But.” His hand found Koushi’s, twining their fingers together. “I want to grow old with you, Koushi.”
Koushi squeezed Daichi’s hand achingly tight, scrubbing his growing ever wetter eyes with his free fist.
“Damn it, Daichi.”
Daichi let out a watery laugh, Koushi butted his forehead gently against Daichi’s with a wobbling laugh of his own. He’d thought this conversation might hurt but with Daichi everything was always easy. Even when it was hard to say, it wasn’t, knowing Daichi would listen to him, would always be honest with him. Koushi was so grateful. For Daichi. For the doctors. His team who’d rescued him. That he was still here being his painfully romantic self. Koushi brushed their noses together, Daichi leaning into the contact, hand parting with Koushi’s to cup his cheek instead. Carefully, so carefully, Koushi brushed his lips against Daichi’s chapped ones. Daichi sighed at the contact, brushing back Koushi’s tears with the pad of his thumb, opening his mouth to Koushi. Koushi cradled Daichi’s jaw, slanting their mouths together. He could feel Daichi’s hand trembling, finally pulling back for breath.
“Growing old together, huh?” Koushi asked. Daichi groaned under Koushi’s smile, letting his head fall back to rest on Koushi’s shoulder, hand on his chest. The expression on his face was finally easy, the pinch between his brows smoothed. He still looked tired and beat to hell but there was half a smile on his lips, eyes crinkled in love. Koushi’s heart swelled with that look, sinking back into the pillow himself, resting his hand on top of Daichi’s. “I suppose that wouldn’t be so bad.”