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Your chest tightened with the painful constriction you'd felt bubbling ever since you walked through those gods-forsaken gates that led to Baldur's Gate. Back then, you'd managed to push it down, get your party orientated in the city and find some answers and allies to help you in the upcoming battle.
Back in the wilderness...and in the Shadowlands and the Underdark too, you'd managed to hold on and focus on the next imminent danger to quell the gut-gripping sense of doom that now threatened to claim you.
You'd practically ran back to camp that evening.
"Argh..." You clutched your too-tight throat; tears in your eyes. The ball in your chest was overwhelming the rest of your senses. You could barely string a sentence together in your head amidst the whirl of neverending "Need to survive" "We need to save them" "What do I do next?". Neverending. It would break you apart.
You were curled up on your rollmat; a soft woven blanket - one of your few comforts in camp - covering your shaking form.
"Breathe...got to breathe" You muttered. Chest heaving, wild-eyed, desperate to regain what felt like your very sanity.
You pulled the blanket up further, concealing your face from the world and let out a sob.
"Y/N? Can I come in?" A gentle, low voice spoke out from outside your tent. You looked up in panic to see the kneeling silhouette of Halsin.
Oh gods. Had he heard you? What was he thinking? Would he doubt your leadership? Leave? Oh gods.
Immoblised by your panic tipping over the edge, you could do nothing more than gasp as the air left your lungs and grey blurred your vision.
"Y/N, I'm coming in." Without another moment to spare - even with your senses crashing around you - you felt Halsin's presence enter the tent; the glow of magic surrounding you.
Without another word, you felt the furnace-like bodyheat of the large archdruid encompass you as he gathered you up in his arms, embracing you close to his chest. Sobs and gasps wracked your body as you clutched his shirt for dear life. The smell of fresh herbs, soft leather and moss soothing your senses against the sharp, salty tang of your tears.
"Cry. Cry all you need, Y/N. I'm not going anywhere. You're safe." A rough hand stroked your hair in soft, gentle strokes; a tender motion that had you break apart further as you finally gave yourself permission to let out all that you'd been holding onto. Since the Illithid ship, since the crash...
Halsin placed a soft kiss to your forehead as you fell apart in his arms, sadness filling him. He too had been plagued by terrors in the weeks and months following the battle against Thorm in the Shadowlands. From seeing - expecting - to see his friends and his archdruid around the Emerald Grove when they were laying cold in the Shadowlands...alone. Stitching together his grove as they mourned, and becoming the lynchpin holding them all together. Conducting mourning rites and working out exactly how an archdruid should behave. While he had served as his predecessor's First Druid for many years before...being the Archdruid of the grove had been a steep learning curve. Many nights had been spent in the inner sanctum within his chambers wondering why he had survived when so many had fallen. His own anguish only being known by the rocks buried deep into the chamber. He hadn't had anyone to hold him as he broke apart. Never again. You had shown him that.
Rocking slightly, arms still in that firm embrace, Halsin placed another kiss to your forehead, whispering soothing words as your breath started to even out and tears dried on your cheeks.
You had no idea how long the two of you sat there together in silence, locked in that embrace. Had you been more 'with it' , a blush would have risen to your cheeks at the reality of being in such close proximity to this man. You'd certainly imagined it frequently enough late at night but not...in these circumstances.
Squeezing his shoulder gently, you offered up a small smile. "Thank you, Halsin. For being here. For me."
"It is my pleasure. Would you like to talk about what triggered the attack?"
You sighed, leaning your head against his shoulder.
"Just....all of this. With everything that's happened...it feels like everywhere we turn there's another enemy, another victim we failed to save... Sometimes I'm struggling to see an end to this where everyone lives."
Halsin sat quietly, waiting for you to continue, a thumb lazily rubbing circles on your upper arm.
"But I know that's not possible. Not probable. We've lost so many good people and we weren't even there when they died. ...I think I was holding on well until the Shadowlands. When we...found Arabella's parents. The tieflings we'd celebrated with just a few days before. Horrible, horrible deaths." You stifled another sob, head bowed in grief.
Halsin only nodded in response, head bowed at the memory of you returning to Last Light, face drained of all colour, as you informed him that you'd found Locke and Komira at the House of Healing, butchered by the shadow-touched nurses.
"And now, at every turn in this city, we face a similar thing. More enemies! More victims, more suffering. But now, also the indifference." You shook your head in disbelief. "I know this is the stress talking, but it just feels like there's no end."
You started as a warm, large hand slipped into your own. You hadn't realised how cold the panic attack had left you, and Halsin's own heat radiated from his palm, thawing you.
"Grief has a tendency to strip us bare." Halsin spoke quietly. "Exposes us to parts of ourselves that we never knew existed or wished to know about. And war, the very same. It forms us into a version of ourselves that fights for survival. And why we live when others fall...is not something I can answer."
Lifting your hand to his lips, Halsin placed another kiss onto your skin; somehow even softer...even sweeter...almost reverent compared to the two before.
"But I am grateful for your life. To wake up and fight another day alongside you. To watch you fight for those that so many have given up on. Your life is a gift to this world that I thank Silvanus for everytime I gaze upon you".
A blush came to your cheeks as you looked up in surprise; into those stormy, inviting eyes that steadily held your gaze. He smiled softly at you, and you couldn't help but notice the flicker of nostalgic sadness that crept over his eyes.
Halsin let out a short chuckle. "In all the years I've lived since the shadows descended, I've never shared the scars it left on me. Or how taking leadership for my grove has felt like both a blessing and a curse. But...that was foolish of me. When we lifted the curse, I understood. Understood where I went wrong. This is not a burden to be carried alone. And yet...I was alone then. But, that is no longer the case. You, my dear Y/N, showed me that."
A comfortable silence fell between the two of you, as you gazed at each other, letting Halsin's words sink in.
Sometimes, all the words that needed to be said, have been voiced. And all that is left is to just see the other person.
You blinked, as if awaking from a trance. A dull ache pressed on your temple as a headache bloomed. "Agh." You flinched as the ache grew.
Another low chuckle came from Halsin.
"We have talked aplenty, and perhaps I should let you rest to recover your strength." Halsin began to turn to leave; his hand hesitating briefly before letting go of yours.
You grabbed the corner of his shirt "Wait!". He turned back in surprise.
"Will...will you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone if the memories come back."
A smile spread across Halsin's face. "I never thought you'd ask". He said, wiggling an eyebrow.
A laughter rang out from you like a bell. Brighter and lighter than you had laughed since this whole sordid quest began.
"By Silvanus, they're beautiful." Halsin thought to himself, engraving that laugh on his heart for eternity. He moved to lay next to Y/N who had already snuggled back down onto her bedroll, blanket lifted to accommodate Halsin as he settled in.
"By the way, why did you come to my tent this evening? Was there something you wanted to discuss?" You wriggled down as Halsin lifted his arm to accommodate you laying on his chest.
"I merely wished to see how you fared today, my friend." Halsin smiled to himself at the half-lie. "I am glad to have found you when I did."
As you drifted off to sleep, exhausted, Halsin turned to pick up the small object he'd left outside the tent when he'd first approached; forgetting it when he sensed your distress within.
Above the head of your bedroll, a small wooden bear now sat watching over the two of you; a heart painstakingly carved into its chest.
"Just as you found me".