Chapter Text
Yuki had never been interested in his soulmate. Going to school and hearing everyone excitedly chatter over the mark on their body that matches someone else in the world annoyed him more than anything. His parents were “soulmates” and they never were around each other, always jumping from one photo shoot here or another guest appearance at the bar there. When one of them was even home they didn’t even talk about the other one.
Needless to say, Yuki’s first introduction to soulmates wasn’t the best. So why should he care? Even if his parents were madly in love with each other, why would he want a random person to like him under obligation? What if his soulmate was some annoying and frustrating individual? Why would he want to be with this person for the rest of his life just because some ink on his arm tells him he’s supposed to.
“Oh my god, you found your soulmate?! What’s he like!” Another girl squeaked across the classroom. Yuki’s eye twitched and he turned the volume up on his earbuds, letting the sounds of violin strings block out the other girl’s response. Can people find something better to talk about?
The school bell rang signifying the end of classes for the day. Yuki had promised some person whose name he can’t even remember that he would meet some person they swore had written great music he’d enjoy. He’ll be the judge of that here soon.
Putting away his books, Yuki slung his bag over his back and began to walk off towards the direction of the cafe meeting point. His jacket slid up his wrist partially and with an annoyed huff he pulled it back down, concealing the black ink on his left wrist. He hated looking at the mark on his skin. Already in a bad mood, he stormed his way out of the school gate.
He wanted to get this meeting over with and go home.
.
“You’ve never been curious?” Ban asked him. Yuki slid down the couch they were sitting on and rested his head against Ban’s shoulder, crossing his arms. The frown on his face was apparent, but the look in his eyes was blank.
“No. Why should I? I don’t care who fate or the universe or whatever says I should be with,” he said matter of factly. Banri was currently glancing at his own mark, a cute mini rabbit figure, and couldn’t help asking Yuki about his own. They’ve known each other for almost three years now and Yuki has never once shown Ban his mark.
“I heard it doesn’t have to be romantic. It could lead to someone you were meant to meet, who’s supposed to change your life for the better,” Ban tried to remedy the situation. He himself was always curious about the subject. Finding out it didn’t have to be romantic was a weight off his shoulders, since the idea itself utterly terrified him.
“If that were the case, we would’ve been matching,” Yuki said casually, sinking deeper into Banri. Banri blushed, hitting Yuki on the shoulder lightly in retaliation.
“Don’t just say things like that in a voice like yours!” Banri yelled. Yuki frowned deeper, suspiciously close to a pout.
“What do you mean in a voice like mine?”
“You know what I’m talking about! Saying things so casually like they aren’t embarrassing!”
Yuki blushed too, blinking widely. “Embarrassing? You’re the one making it that way! I didn’t mean anything weird by it!”
“I didn’t say it was weird!” Ban argued back and the two glared at each other before breaking out into laughter. Yuki was the first down as always, followed by Ban who was easily swayed by other people’s laughter.
“Did I really change your life for the better, though?” Banri asked quietly, settling down to rest his head against Yuki’s. Yuki cuddled closer to his neck, wrapping both of his arms around Banri’s one.
“Is that even a question you need to ask?” Yuki refused to admit it a second time directly. He didn’t need to though. Banri knew the answer before he even asked his question.
“I suppose not,” he responded softly.
.
“Soooo,” Ban smirked, poking Yuki’s cheek.
“Shut it.” Yuki crossed his arms and forced his head to the side, glaring at the poor backstage floors.
“Nuh-uh! I’m not letting it go that easily! You were totally into him!” Banri laughed, poking Yuki more all over his upper body. Yuki turned to fake bite him and Banri put both his hands up in surrender.
“I was not. He was cute, that’s all. It’s the puppy instinct,” Yuki defended, huffing his cheeks out. Ban poked him once more and he let the air out directly into his face.
“He was very cute, I’ll agree with you there. That doesn’t explain the excited look on your face when he agreed to meet up with us after the fight finished though.”
“It’s not everyday someone jumps in front of you and beats the shit out of three grown men. What do you want me to admit here? That I found it hot?” Yuki threw his hands in the air and began taking off the stage costume jacket he needed to change out of still.
“Did you though?” Banri leaned in closer, a smirk completely taking over his face. His response was a face full of red fabric as Yuki threw his jacket at him. “Noted. You know, I’ve jumped in front of a fist for you multiple times now.”
“And I find you hot. You already know this.” Yuki shook his head before his eyes widened. Banri’s smirk only grew into a grin.
“So you did find it hot!”
“Get out!”
“This is my dressing room too, you know!”
“And I’m supposed to care when?”
The two continued to argue as they changed back into their regular clothes. Yuki once again made more effort to conceal his wrist the entire time, even though Banri already knew not to look. As Ban put on his winter coat, he had to wonder.
Is that more for everyone else, or for Yuki to hide it from himself?
.
Yuki didn’t care about soulmates. He didn’t give a single fuck. As far as he was concerned, Banri was his soulmate. Even if they didn’t have dumb matching marks to say it, Banri’s definition still rang through his head. Your soulmate was someone who changed your life for the better. So why was he gone?
Why was Banri gone?
Yuki hugged Banri’s pillow closer to his chest and sobbed. Everything hurt. Is this what happens to those who lose their soulmates? Their entire body crumbles and their heart breaks into pieces? He could barely move on his good days, and on his bad ones he had to physically stop himself from reaching into Banri’s knife drawer and doing something irreversible. Banri was still alive out there. He was hurting, but he was alive. He needs to get up and try to find him. He has to. But he can’t move.
Why did Banri leave him?
Was he not good enough? He thought they were close. They were more than friends, more than just lovers too. They relied on each other, laughed together, and lived together. How was he supposed to do any of that on his own? He can’t. He has to find him. He has to know he’s okay, at the very least. The doctors said he was supposed to wait at least a week before leaving the hospital and he was barely there for three days.
Why did Banri leave everything behind?
His apartment was left unpacked, he never even came back here besides to leave a note for Yuki. All of his clothes were still here. His pictures. His life. He took nothing with him, almost like he was starting over completely. Yuki didn’t doubt Banri could find his way around anything, but he was still scared for him. The idea of him heavily injured still, sitting in the streets because he doesn’t want to come home terrified him.
He hated this. He hated feeling like this. Everything hurt and nothing else mattered to him besides Banri. His wrists hurt, he started losing weight, his hair was weighed down by oil…nothing else mattered. He needs to get up and find him. He has to.
Everything hurts. He can’t move.
He hates the stupid fucking universe. Or fate. Or whatever it is that laughs in his face constantly and tells him he’s meant to die alone.
.
Yuki pinched the bridge of his nose and tapped his foot, breathing in deeply to try to ebb away the annoyance he was feeling. Momo was on the ground again after missing another step in their dance routine and tripping over himself and Yuki was really trying not to take it out on the poor guy. He was an athlete raised on soccer, not a musician training since he was a child.
That being said you’d think he’d have a little more coordination with his feet.
“I’m sorry, Yuki-san! One more time, I swear I’ll get it this time!” Momo hurried himself up and bowed, clapping his hands together in front of him. Yuki sighed and glanced at his watch, signifying that 35 minutes have passed since they started.
“How about we take a break? It’ll give you time to get yourself together,” Yuki tried to make sure to watch his tone so it didn’t sound as harsh as he meant it, but given Momo’s flinching he failed. Yuki swore he could see him deflate as he sat down on the ground once more, a deep frown over his face.
Yuki crouched in front of him and placed his hands on his knee. Momo looked back up with tears in his eyes and Yuki flinched. He could practically hear Ban scolding him wherever he was.
“I swear, I really am trying…” Momo’s voice sounded so defeated and Yuki’s heart twisted. He rubbed Momo’s knee gently and nodded, giving the boy a gentle smile of reassurance.
“I know you are. These things take time, and you’re balancing a lot right now. Here,” Yuki leaned over and grabbed Momo’s water bottle, handing it to the boy. Momo wiped his eyes and sniffed pathetically before taking the bottle and having a few sips. Yuki pat his hair and continued to smile.
“I’m not mad at you, if that helps any,” Yuki reassured. Momo laughed slightly and nodded.
“It does actually.”
And Yuki swore to himself then and there he would never purposefully hurt Momo at any cost. Extending his hands after standing up, Momo grabbed on and lifted himself up.
.
“I’m sorry! I swear I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry!” Momo freaked out, waving his hands around frantically as he tried to find something to clean with. Yuki sat in the bar seat uncomfortably wet as Momo’s water spilled all over the front of his shirt after the man accidentally knocked it over. It was Momo’s 23rd birthday and they were out celebrating. Maybe a few drinks too many celebrating.
The bartender noticed the scene and came over, offering a few bar towels to the both of them as they wiped off the counter. Momo snagged a few of them and began patting off Yuki’s shirt before he stopped, entire face going bright red as he screamed. Multiple people turned their heads in their direction and Yuki took that moment to zone back into what was happening.
“Oh. My shirt,” he said nonchalantly. Momo was freaking out about something he wasn’t paying attention to, so he took one of the towels and clumsily tried to pat himself dry. After failing to do so, he simply shrugged and began to take off the outer layer of his clothing, leaving him in nothing but his short sleeved shirt underneath. Luckily the water didn’t penetrate that deeply, so that shirt was still safe.
Momo stared at him wide mouthed and Yuki blinked, confused. He looked down at himself to see if there was anything else on him but couldn’t find anything.
“What is it?” He simply asked instead and Momo jumped. He immediately clamped his hand over Yuki’s left wrist and shook his head adamantly, eyes closed tightly.
“I didn’t look! I swear!” He yelled and Yuki tilted his head, shoulder length hair falling to the side. His drunken mind took a while to connect the dots between Momo’s words and his hold on him.
“Oh,” was all he had to say. That’s right, his mark. The one he never showed to anyone. Momo must’ve picked up on his distaste of it. He was observant like that. And smart. And nice. Wow it was so nice of him to cover it for him. His hand was warm…
“People do tend to say I’m like a personal heater,” Momo replied and Yuki blinked, not realizing he said that out loud. Momo giggled and Yuki only assumed he said that out loud as well. He opted to rest his head against Momo’s shoulder to avoid thinking about anything else.
“You feel nice,” Yuki mumbled and Momo flushed harder, looking away and chugging his water. If Yuki was going to be this drunk, Momo couldn’t be any more drunk than he already was. His heart would not survive the night otherwise. Death on his birthday sounds perfectly ironic.
Yuki glanced up at him and then back down to where they were connected. He wrapped his free hand around Momo’s and played with his fingers before gently removing them one by one. Momo looked down at him in curiosity before Yuki shrugged and turned his wrist over, gesturing with his eyes as permission for Momo to look.
“Are you sure? Didn’t you say you never even showed…” Momo gulped.
“You can say his name. If anything, that’s what keeps me having hope that Ban's still out there,” Yuki hummed softly, cuddling closer to Momo. He nudged him with his wrist and nodded. Momo took a deep breath before looking down.
A sharp gasp left him immediately after, all the breath he just took was gone. Yuki glanced up at him and quirked an eyebrow in concern. Beyond the flush from the alcohol, Momo was as white as a sheet.
“Is something wrong?”
“No! Nothing at all!” Momo replied probably too quickly, but Yuki was too spaced out to notice nor care. He simply hummed and took Momo’s words at face value. Momo gulped again and slowly wrapped his hand around Yuki’s wrist once more. He soon flagged the bartender down to pay out their tab, Yuki almost asleep against his side.
Momo was silently panicking the entire taxi ride home, Yuki snoozing blissfully unaware next to him.
Yuki’s mark matched his own exactly. A mirrored version to his left repeat. And he didn’t know what to do.