Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Blitz had awoken from his spot on the couch, he got up almost tripping on the bottles of vodka on the floor as he would groan.

He had went to his bathroom, opening the small medicine cabinet above the sink grabbing Advil for his massive headache. He had taken 2 Advil’s then proceeded to go to his kitchen making a small sandwich before leaving his apartment.

He had went on a trip to get himself an ice coffee and then went straight to work at I.M.P. He felt tired today and not really in the mood for any bullshit today, his day had went fine from there mostly because it was quiet with only receiving 3-4 clients he decided to just call it a quits today and had went home shortly after closing up.

Loona had went to a party she was gonna be there with Vortex and a few other friends she made at Bees party in the gluttony ring. He had sat down on his sofa, in silence just staring at the static on the TV before hearing a ring of a notification he picked up his phone.

He rolled his eyes just a text from Stolas, damn that owl is really putting up a strong show just to pretend to love him. He shook his head in disappointment, why would someone, a goetia, want him? A ordinary imp? It made no sense, he shouldn't love somebody like him he wanted to believe it was just because he was playing him and he couldn't love his species but he knew deep down that he just thought who could love somebody like HIM? That would be silly, especially for someone like stolas-

he didn't deserve him he deserved somebody better than him that's all blitz could think of before shutting off his phone and plugging it in as he would frown tears starting to fill his eyes realizing what he was doing- pushing another person he loved away, but again.. It's just something that has to be done.. To save them from a big mistake.

Later on that night he got a text from Loona, she won't be home for a few days he would sigh but it gave him the opportunity to be alone but really to do what?

He had sat down on the couch again, hearing another notification on his phone it was another from Stolas he would open the text notification this time he read it to himself as his eyes widened Stolas wanted to end the deal?-

he wanted to meet tomorrow so he can get the grimoire, Blitz had thought to himself for a while not about what he would do without the grimoire but what did he do for Stolas to not want anything to do with him anymore?

That's all he thought, it was starting to eat him up alive again- now he felt guilty he stood up as he was gonna go see what alcohol he had left in his cabinet until he tripped and he landed hard on the ground with the sound of glass shattering when he had hit the ground- it hurt so bad, the glass stabbed into his skin into his arms, into his chest and into his face not enough to cause significant damage but enough to leave scars and make him bleed.

He deserved It thought for all the pain he caused? He deserved it, that's one thing he couldn't deny besides love. He laid there for a few minutes before finally standing up, he was stupid he should have cleaned up the bottles of empty vodka he had laying around on his apartment floor.

It was too late now, he had went to the bathroom as he would pull the glass out piece by piece slowly just to make the pain worse and last a bit longer afterwards he would medicate it he wasn't gonna let it get infected or else M&M or Loona would worry or tell him to get that taken care of - he hated being told what to do because he knows he should have done it in the first place he had them wrapped up/put bandaids on the small/medium sized wounds before heading off to lay back on the

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Loona had heard from M&M that blitz hadn't come into work for a few days and haven't been responding to their calls, Loona didn't want to admit it but she was worried beyond worried for her father.

That couldn't be healthy?.. god why did she care so much? This is normal behavior for him.. going home, going to sleep and sometimes just wanting to be lazy and probably didn't want to talk or be bothered maybe he didn't feel like coming to work Loona thought maybe this was a huge exaggeration so she told M&M what she thought which seemed to calm their nerves a bit.

Loona had later went home, going to their apartment before she stopped at the door it was cracked open a little he must have forgotten to lock it or close it she rolled her eyes in irritation as she opened the door she stood there frozen in shock as she saw her father on the kitchen floor slicing his arms like they were carrots on a chopping board.

He saw her and he seemed to freeze too as blood was dripping onto the kitchen tile he looked at her his eyes widened,"L-Loona.. baby.. you-your home?.." he said he was surprised yet sounding.. anxious he didn't expect her to be home because she didn't give him a heads up or nothing when she was coming back.

Loona had ran and got the first aid kit dropping down on her knees on the kitchen floor in front of her father she looked furious but teary eyed,"what the fuck were you thinking?!" She yelled questioning him as she was fuming with both anger and sadness,"you could have killed yourself you know!?" She said staring at him with tears flowing down her face as she medicated the cuts on his arms before tightly bandaging them up.

Blitz didn't say anything he just stared as Loona started to cry which made him feel sorry..,"shh.. shhh shhh.. I'm sorry baby I'm sorry I'll never do it again looney.. don't cry daddy doesn't like to see you cry.. you make daddy sad when you cry." He said in a faint tone as he hugs Loona as they sit there in silence with only the sound of the static on the TV and Loonas soft cries.

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15 years ago, almost like it was yesterday he had to pay his respects to his mother. The woman that he had trusted the most not only with his secrets but with his life.

His mother had passed because of him, he knew it was his fault and nobody had to tell him.

She died from smoke inhalation and with severe burns on her body, he was there when she died because he was the one who went in the burning circus tent to save her.

When he did go in, to retrieve his mother she was talking to him faintly about death insisting him to take her choker and leave her there.

He denied it, his mother wasn’t gonna die he wasn’t gonna let it happen at least that’s what he thought as he took her out of the tent before he knew it she was dead.

15 years later, in the present he was no longer 17 he was 31 now and he was sitting on the kitchen floor his daughter sobbing as he realized that he needed to stop but where would he start?

He deserved this right?- oh god but even then what if he went to far what if ends up ending his life? He can’t have Loona living with that regret.. wishing you could have done something to prevent it.

He just couldn’t right? He would hug her tighter, he didn’t know what he could or could not do he didn’t know what he was gonna do.

He doesn’t want his daughter to lose him like he lost his mother but he just can’t help but hurt himself mentally and psychically because he truly does believe he deserves it after all the pain and suffering he caused.